Mariah admitted how she really feels about Reese, and he sort of told the same. I love it!! Those crazy kids!!! Can't wait to read more. Please don't allow Mariah too lose herself. I just love her brother and his wife, they are just too cute!!!
I'll try not to let Mariah lose herself but it'll be hard because she's in so much emotional pain. Yup. The next chapter is going to be so.... ahhh! You'll have to wait. ♥Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/05/12 10:16 pm
Reese is stepping up to the plate, but Mariah is too afraid to admit how she really feels about Reese. IT will take some convincing for her to believe that Reese has feeling for her. I love this story!! I don't do video creations I only know how to do PowerPoint presentations.
Thanks for loving this book. All the blood and sweat put into it!! Just kidding. The contest was really supposed to be for a movie/trailer, but if you want, you CAN do a PowerPoint presentation. I will gladly accept that and if it's good, it might just win! I'll have submissions from three different websites, so there'll be more than a few entries. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll post the video to my website and the one with the most comments that say 'win' or 'like' or whatever they choose to say, wins. The website will be up soon, and you'll have plenty of time to get going on your presentation. The book will be short, but not like ten chapters. Around fifteen to wenty. :)Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/01/12 03:31 pm
This kids are cruel and for no reason!!! Reese is standing up for her as he should since his words hurt her. All of this none sense because Amy jealous, calling Mariah a whore when it's really Amy whose the ho!! Makes a sister want to say, bitch please!!
Amy never called Mariah a whore. Can you tell me what chapter you are finding this information and what paragraph or something?Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/29/12 12:06 pm
I like the overall idea of your story. The summary grabbed me that's why I decided to read it. The concept is interesting but the POV's and structure are kind of all over the place. You might want to consider revising and editing some more. It can get a bit distracting to the reader. I had to re-read a few lines before moving on and it jumps all over the place. I get the need for mystery and the switching of the POV.. a lot of ppl are comfortable doing that and thats fine but it has to come through as seemless. Just another note, be careful of listing/leading the reader too much.. You want to paint a picture and let their imagination do the rest. Like the dinner scene in the first chapter...Its not necessary to list like "and I ate this first, and I ate this next, and I ate this last." Get what I mean? You could sum that up by saying "I made quick work of the asparagus and hamburger and choked through the applesauce making a mental note to warn Cade off of it next time." It sums up what you are doing without actually listing it one by one. It stunts the voice of the narrator when you do that and interrupts the fluidity of your story.
That being said, I love Cade's relationship with his sister and how he took her in and was real to her. Their relationship is real organic and I'm looking forward to reading more. Good job so far. I just felt that from writer to writer, I should drop some pointers and advice that have helped me before. :) Good luck on the rest of your story!
Thanks so much for that feedback. I appreciate it and will revise and make sure it's good. Cade's relationship with Mariah is much like that of what I hope me and my brother's will turn out like when we're grown up. A little private info: When my brother and I get to joking, it's more about pointless things, and he's not much into sexual-based jokes that my sister and I tell each other. He's a little prudish since he's only ten, but then again, I keep on forgetting that he's only ten and that I need to be mindful of that. As he plays violent video games, it becomes even more clear that he's growing up and that he's a boy. And when he comes home from a tackle football game or practice, he's always trying to tell me these stories that you know, don't really catch me, but I listen all the same because I realize that he is an awesome little kid and he needs attention like you and I. Wow. What a mouthful and pointless information. I guess I got carried away with talking so much about a sibling relationship that I didn't realize I was responding to a review. Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing and recognizing the things I didn't. ♥Reviewer: Artamiss Caine Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/18/12 09:26 am
ThanksReviewer: Annie Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 01/16/12 03:01 pm
I thought the story was going to be more from Reece's POV because of how the summary began.
What happened between Reece and Mariah that they are no longer friends?
That will soon be uncovered. You just wait. :)Reviewer: 100percentFAN Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/16/12 07:44 am