Reviews For The Darkest Touch
Title: Chapter 5: Smokescreens

This is such a great story! Are you going to finish it? 

Reviewer: tarikesha Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 28 2018 01:49 pm

Title: Chapter 4: Nothing Is As It Seems...

so carmen is providing information for someone else hmm, great chapter 



Author's Response:

thanks for reading!

Reviewer: sandradee Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: October 06 2013 12:12 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Ummm who said this was a interracial site??!! It's true that most of the stories are interracial but that's not a rule. I don't know where willieriley gets their info from but this is a site for women of color by women of color... 



Author's Response:

I dont understand either. I only write with women of colour anyways, preferably black women, because I am such. If willieriley felt some type of way about it, then this story is NOT the story for her/him. 

thanks for the clarification though, much appreciated. :)

Reviewer: Anon Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 21 2013 07:41 pm

Title: Bonus: Characters

Good stuff!!



Author's Response:

thank you!<3

Reviewer: pmgayles Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 20 2013 11:51 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

This is an interracial story site, which requires than one character NOT be black.  Will a non-Black, male protagonist be forecoming?



Author's Response:

I thought this site was for women of colour, I didnt realize that it's required that I HAVE to include an interracial relationship. The story has diversity though, so.. Uhm protagonist not exactly, but stay tuned, you'll be surprised. :)

Reviewer: willieriley Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 13 2013 09:12 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Wow!  You've written an exciting and interesting story however; I found it extremely difficult to read.  I mean it took me maybe 20 minutes.  I easily read one or two books everyday so if it took me that long to read your three chapters, it means that I was really struggling to understand what you'd written.  99.9% of the time, I ignore grammar, word usage, verb agreement errors and such b/c I couldn’t care less; but, 1% of the time I can't ignore them without comment.

My first thought was that you are an ESL speaker.  I don’t think that explains it.  My second thought – and best guess - is that you wrote this story relying on a synonym dictionary since most of my struggles (and a lot of time) were spent detangling your word choices and usage.  See below.  If this is the case, keep in mind that a synonym can be an exact match or NEARLY a match.  Mismatches are like speed bumps in a reader’s path.  They bring you to an immediate halt.  I had to climb over them just to interpret and comprehend your story. 

 

Few examples of mismatches & errors-Chapter One, Page One:

“Pieces of old laments chipping” – did you mean laminate?  Lament is a verb.

“hold onto liquor” should have been “couldn’t hold her liquor”

 “scenery succumbed to nightfall” – I can’t fix this one.

 “favorite college pastime was…roof” – You don’t say what the pastime is in the sentence.

Also on this first page were numerous other issues that interfered with the readability of this exciting story.  I will also say that there were some very beautiful similes and word pairings.

You want some good advice?  Never write using words that you don’t use/speak everyday.  Each word has a connotation, denotation, and a history of usage that will trip a writer unfamiliar with them up every single time.  Words are like people.  The more you know (use) them the more comfortable you are with them.  Connotation and denotation aren’t synonyms so please look them up in a good dictionary.

 

Lastly, I not going to even broach the punctuation problem or highlight the important work of commas.  Spell check would have caught about 80% of these errors in your story.  The success of a story is determined by the author’s ability to WRITE it not to TELL it.  It’s more than clear that you can tell a FABULOUS story.  A reader must understand what is written on the page. 

 With respect to “bigender” and “cisgender”, you may want to think harder about what it is you want to say and then pick the appropriate word.  These two words are the antithesis of the other.

Looking forward to the next (spellchecked at least) chapter.

All the best!



Author's Response:

Thanks for reading! Great tips.

Reviewer: willieriley Anonymous starhalf-star [Report This]
Date: September 13 2013 08:06 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

love this!

is there any chance you could include cast pictures?



Author's Response:

Sure! I'll do that before I post the next chapter. Thanks for reading. 

Reviewer: naytherocker Signed [Report This]
Date: September 13 2013 12:06 am

Title: Chapter 3: Communication

Your writing style is very nice. It flows so nicely. I can picture the gritty streets, so you have your descriptions and the interactions between your characters down pat. Please update soon. 



Author's Response:

thank you so much! I'll try my best. :)

Reviewer: Missus James Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 10 2013 02:13 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Ummmm so he's her protector. She finally remembers who he is which makes her a little more comfortable around him. Who are these mystery people

Author's Response:

Chapter 4 will give a better insight on whats going on, stay tuned! thanks for reading. 

Reviewer: kvgurl Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: September 10 2013 11:18 am

Title: Chapter 3: Communication

Man this shit is good! Please dont keep us waiting for an update!

This is gonna be the first black on black romance i have read here!



Author's Response:

*blushing* Thanks so much, I'll try my best!

I know! I hope more authors use Black on Black romance, it gets no better. 

Reviewer: Serenity Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 11:45 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

I truly enjoyed the story and cannot wait for an update



Author's Response:

thank you I appreciate it! :)

Reviewer: darlene 433 Anonymous half-star [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 04:43 pm

Title: Chapter 2: Who Are You?

good start looking forward to reading more.



Author's Response:

thank you! I'm glad you like it!

Reviewer: sandradee Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 23 2013 10:45 pm

Title: Chapter 2: Who Are You?

Interesting start. I like Ekene (nice name by the way), she sounds funny (when drunk), and that she looks like a regular black girl: nothing "exotic" but nice looking nonetheless. And good to read about a nice looking black man as the love interest too. I like that is not squeaky clean, has a past and some edge. Looks like Daddy dearest is into some shaddy business. 



Author's Response:

Thanks so much. I'm glad you like it! :)

Reviewer: RedHobo Signed starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: August 23 2013 02:15 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

I like it!! This is a very good writing, I can't wait for your next post :D



Author's Response:

oh thank youuuuu! Can't wait for you to read the next chapter! 

Reviewer: sweetlooking218 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2013 12:17 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Pretty good beginning. I think the characters are interesting, especially the male lead Jody. He seems more interesting than the other characters so far. The women's drunk conversations was a bit confusing. I think you would benefit from an editor. Your sentence structures and word choices made me scratch my head a couple of time because it was confusing.

For example you mentioned Carmen was bi-gendered... You mean she's bi-sexual? If so you could have mentioned it a bit smoother like, she get's attention left and right from both males and females and she loves it. Or something like that, I dunno. And things like "She kissed her teeth and looked back up into the night sky." Did you mean sucked her teeth? Those are just little things that an editor can help you flush out so it won't be so confusing or make the reader stop to try and figure out what you mean.

You also have really nice descriptive sentences like "She felt the brisk night air run through her dark kinky locks, that she let loose from its uptight ponytail." 

So all in all you have great potential, but with an editor you'd do really good. I look forward to reading the next chapters. 

-Christina



Author's Response:

Thank you I appreciate your review. 

Bi- gendered doesnt mean bi-sexual, it means she changes her gender from time to time. For instance one mintue she's super femme and the next very masculine. but she's a cishetero latina woman.

I think my vernacular is a bit confusing  for those who dont share the same speech as I do. I was worried about that while I was writing. But yeah maybe a editor is something I should take interest in.

How do I get one. Is it possible that I could request someone from VC?

thanks for your review, every critique counts for a better generated story! :)

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 14 2013 05:45 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Excellent



Author's Response:

Thanks alot!

Reviewer: Emy Signed [Report This]
Date: August 14 2013 03:02 pm

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

Wonderful beginning 



Author's Response:

thank you!

Reviewer: Bredreaway Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 14 2013 08:31 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

I likey. Please continue 



Author's Response:

Thank you will do!

Reviewer: Apple Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 14 2013 08:23 am

Title: Chapter 1: Inebriated Reunion

I likey. Please continue 



Author's Response:

Thank you will do!

Reviewer: Apple Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 14 2013 08:23 am



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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.