Karina , I have to respect. She is true to herself and character. Phoenix, I would like to drop her in the middle of the Amazon River, without a canoe and paddle. LOL! Then again she has absolutely no self esteem or worth, whatsoever. People like Karina can be very dangerous. The Phoenix's of this world are just as deadly (emotionally and mentally). They are slow motion car crashes waiting to happen. The impact on you can be just as harming and draining. You want to help them with the way they see themselves, but also know you can't. They have to save themselves, more importantly, they have to want to do it. You just know her heart is going to be broken, one way or the other. I always say there is being a doormat and there is being the ground. When they get hurt you want to hug and hit them at the same time. Hug, because they are too sweet, kind and selfless to be used and hurt by others. Hit them, because you wonder why, they keep placing themselves in that position to be hurt and used, time after time. I really do hope she builds up her confidence and worth. Thank you for the update. You are doing a good job, my emotions are jumping out with these characters. LOL! Have a blessed week.Reviewer: Sarah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: December 06 2017 05:35 am
You'e good at writing people who want they add beat, I mean that in a good way. I would be the same way how Nix is about Maze's new boy, but it' like wow that's Bella two faced, what else is he two faced about. I ain' even going to comment on Karina, I just hope Brandon keeps the PDA up with Nix when she's around so she can stay made about it. I agree with the other reviewer too. I hope there' a breaking point for Nix to tell Maze about that boy and put Alex and Karina in their place.
Ha! Thank you. I usually hate the antagonist characters when I read other peoples stories, maybe that's why I write them so well. Or maybe i'm just secretly an evil bitch...lol. You may never know haha. I know how frustrating it can be to read about these nasty characters and Phoenix being a push over, but just believe me when I say I write everything for a deeper reason than you may know, and I won't let you down. You won't regret it.Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: December 06 2017 01:32 am
I truly hope that as the story progress that Phoenix will at least get some back bone. Because right now she is working on my nerves. I get that she may not like confrontations. But she is passive and lets people walk all over her and does nothing to stand up for her self. Being a sweet girl is one thing. But letting people disrespect you and treat you like crap is a whole different thing.
Yes, she is very passive. I know people in real life who behave like Phoenix. But you never know. Maybe it takes someone to hit rock bottom for something to finally change. Thanks for your review!Reviewer: Msroos Signed [Report This]
Date: December 05 2017 11:35 pm
Okay so Phoenix will go from being the boring and prude sister to have two guys fighting for her? Brandon for falling in love with her I think and Kaleb for being obsessed with her and wanting her for sex. Brand and Kaleb are stepbrothers who its safely to say hate each other. Karina is obviously jealous of Phoenix. Phoenix has low self esteem issues and is the only one who can't see that Karina is jealous of her, takes advantage of her and verbally abuses her.
Yes, your're getting closer and closer. Thanks for the review!Reviewer: ms.Starz Anonymous [Report This]
Date: December 03 2017 07:38 pm
I think I see what's going on here but I'll keep quiet, cause I've been wrong before. I might sound uptight or mean but I dont feel bad for her. I don't think Ben was right for doing that but I still don't feel bad for her. I see she's also taking her insecurities out on Nix (with how Kaleb is attracted but Karina told her no one ever has been interested.)
Oh no, don't keep quiet. I like hearing about what reviewers think. It actually helps me organize my ideas for the story, if that makes sense. If your wrong, then I'll tell you. But if your close, or right, I wont necessarily tell you but I wont deny it. Keep it coming! It's ok not to feel bad for Karina lol. I understand why. Thanks for your review.Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: December 02 2017 11:58 pm
He's a dom? That could be tricky to write. You have to be careful not to make him come off as emotioally abusive. But other than that, great chapter. Karina needs more of her ass beat, but I understand it's a part of the plot. 😤
I'm a beginner in riding songbirds but it' hard for me to practice cause 1. I don' have friends and 2. The area I live in has too many inclines, i get scared when it picks up speed quickly. 😝 About my story, I just did one chapter and never sent back to it, but maybe I'll start it up again I don' know. I feel like it' so amature.
I just realized that I kind did kind of make him come off as a dom, which is a mistake lol. I don't feel like I'm ready to write about that stuff just yet. I'll have to make up for that mistake in my next chapter. Karina is something else lol, I cant deal.
That's pretty awesome! unfortunately, I don't find too may people like me to ride with in my city because my friend goes to school 2 hours away from me in a different city. So I only take real advantage if it when she's here on breaks. Watching YouTube videos can help in you don't have people around to help you. Oh, i would love a lot of inclines! I barely have any where I live. But not too steep though lol. I'm not trying to see Jesus yet.Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: December 02 2017 04:25 am
"She's my sister, she wouldn't do that." Ok. Sure ,Jan, keep lying to yourself. I honestly connect with Nix cause I would be so hesitant if someone asked me out, I would be hesitant too. I never dated so I would be like "What's the catch?" . Alex is going to make me throw hands cause he being mad disrespectful. If you want something speak up.
With the details, I usually say, don't add anything that won't contribute to the story dont use it. Like dont write out her whole morning routine(brushing teeth,taking shower or bath, picking something to wear) if there's no purpose. Definitely take time to paint the scenery though.
Lumberjack? Girl shoot that shot. A story I abandoned on here had the main guy with a lumberjack aesthetic. I would die. 😍😍
If someone asked me out, I would be kinda like Nix too. My only relationship was with the cheater so I definitely can't trust his judgement. I've see people in real life that react in a way that Alex does when they're jealous. It can be pretty annoying though lol.
That's a really good tip, and it makes a whole lotta sense too. Since I'm a new writer, I still have a hard time distinguishing what I should and shouldn't write about. But with tips coming from you and others, it helps me a lot. Thank you!
Yes! He has a beard and everything! Unfortunately, I'm too shy to shoot the shot though, and I sit all the way across the room from him anyways. A story with the main guy being a lumberjack? I would love to read about that! How come you abandoned it?Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: November 29 2017 09:20 pm
I love being spoiled with consisent updates. Brandon does seem very intrigued with her and I'm hoping not just to be FBWs. Since you used Casual Affair for the summery I can't help but think that. He is charming though and hopefully Nix gives him a chance if he asks her out.
In my mind, cheating is an absolute no, so I'm glad that you left him. I tried dating sites for a while and it wasn' until I had talked to this dude that gave me abusive vibes, that I just cut that stuff out and focused on school. It really was like letting go of baggage. You better let these boys know what's up.
Thank you! I'm trying to be as constistent with studying for school as I am with updating lol. But there are only so many hours in a day. I think Brandon is pretty charming too, but Phoenix isn't used to a lot of male attention, so she's a bit shy. We'll just have to wait and see if a casual affair will actually happen lol.
And I 100% agree with the cheating thing. He was actually my very first boyfriend, so he had me prety brainwashed, and I did almost anything and everything for him. But I finally woke up out of that terrible dream and I am moving on to waaay better things now. My career is first. If a mature, loyal man wants to come along for the ride, I'll be ready then lol. Thank you for your review!Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: November 28 2017 04:55 pm
Thank you for the update. I have to ask...is Karina slow mentally? (Trying to be nice here) LOL! Why would one ask about not being invited to a party, where three quarter of the people there hate you. (No surprise there, she seems like a classic narcissist). Please, Phoenix wise up. Then again maybe she has to burn to learn as my step dad always say to us.
You are a great writer, drawing this emotion from me. LOL!
It's great that you let go of that emotional incubus who called himself your boyfriend. You are worth ten of him.
Your comment regarding Karina is hilarious lol. She is definitely a piece of work huh? Personally, I would never be able to deal with a sister like that. Phoenix is a different breed for putting up with her!
Yes, that statement is so true, maybe Phoenix does have to burn to learn lol. Your step dad is correct. Or maybe she'll finally snap out of it, who knows? I'm glad I could get you to feel strong emotions from this story, that's my goal! Thank you for your review.
And thank you for your kind words. It took a lot of "burn to learn" for me to finally let go. I've been burned so many times in that relationship, that I hope it doesnt affect any future ones that I have. Thank you.Reviewer: Sarah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 28 2017 04:38 am
This is the juiciness I was waiting for. The main love interest, yeah? You wrote this chapter really well. Descriptive enough and to the point. I love it. I don' want to sound like a kiss up, I really don't but Kalan seems like a Great friend like the other two.
Also I have a research paper due tonight but since I've been good all semester I decided to slack off a bit. And my major is international studies! I'm trying to become a translator.
Yes! I was thinking about how I was gonna implement a love interest within this story. What's a story without love and excitement? Kalan does seem like she would be a pretty cool friend to have. I'm glad I have someone on here that can relate to the struggles of college life lol. We need a good break sometimes. Good luck with you studies! Next chapter should be up either today or tomorrow. Thank you for your consistent reviews. They keep me motivated to keep writing.Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: November 27 2017 05:06 am
Both sisters need help but in different ways. Karina may have a sex addiction. The man is abusing you and all you can say he has good dick? Phoenix isn't showing good sense. She couldn't gotten hurt by that "boyfriend". Phoenix needs to distance herself from Karina a bit.
I agree, they both have issues. Phoenix definitely needs to distance herself from Karina. But maybe it takes someone to hit rock bottom to finally change.Reviewer: jjazz59 Signed [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 06:11 pm
Dude was bout to drug her and have a train ran, if she goes back after that, there is literally nothing else you can tell her. 😤 Its like how far does he need to go for her to realise he's too dangerous, there are other sugar daddies out there. How far does Katrina have to go until Nix to puts her foot down, you can't always be there. They sisters alright cause they both hard headed.
I'm glad you write her friends like that cause Trina really did need an ass whopping. And they seem really caring and hopefully their reasoning can get through to Nix to realize that shes being used
Yes, there are other sugar daddies out there lol. But maybe we need to take a closer look inside of Karina's and Kaleb's relationship to see if there's a deeper reason why she stays hhmm. So far you are my favorite reviewer. Thank you!Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 05:18 pm
Ohh! That Karina is really grinding my gears. LOL! She reminds me of my brother's former best friend. Just like Phoenix, my brother would do anything for him and like Karina he took advantage of that fact. This included sleeping with the girl my brother was in love with; whom did my brother blame? Her! There was always some sort of excuse, it was never his friend's fault for anything. This continued until my step father told him he needed to walk away from that destructive behaviour and relationship. He said "If a relationship does more harm to you than good, then walk away from it. Whether it's a parent, friend, sibling, lover or child. It'll hurt like hell, but in the long run you'll save yourself".
Thanks for the update. Your storyline is intriguing.
I totally agree, Sarah. I've recently been in a situation in my life where I was holding on to something/someone toxic. It affected me in the worst way, for a very long time. But I finally decided to let go, and like you said, it hurts like hell but I am in a MUCH better place now. Thank you for your review :)Reviewer: Sarah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 11:25 am
The song is Casual Affair by Panic at the Disco.
Also I'm liking the story so far and can't wait to see what the plot is.
Personally I think its overdramatic when people say each other's names more times than necessary, but that' just my thoughts on it. When dialoague is alternating between two people like how Katrina and Phoenix were talking, you just have to Starr a new line with each dialoge( if that makes sense.) That way you don' have to be redundant with names in the actual speaking.
Oh and, Katrina is annoying. Like I understand that people will stay for love but it doesn't even seem like she really loves him, so for her to keep going back is like, baby what is you doin.
I think your absolutely right. It does sound pretty overdramatic when they were saying each others names back and forth. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll definitely use this tip. And yes, Katrina is very annoying. Thanks for the review!Reviewer: Golden Signed [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 01:51 am
When characters make you feel any type of emotion towards them, then the writer has done a good job. You have done a great job! I just want to punch Phoenix, so badly! LOL! She allows Karina to place her in dangerous situations, with no regards for her well being. Karina seems to be a manipulator, so no surprise that she doesn't really care. Phoenix probably has abandonment issues, so she is easily manipulated.
Liking this story. Thank you for posting it. Please, please tell me as the story continues, she grows a backbone. LOL!
I'm glad that you could catch on to how I was trying to portray the characters in this chapter. I have my own ideas on how I think the characters personalities should be, but it's great when other people try to foreshadow or input their own ideas. I can't tell you exactly how Phoenix's personality will evolve, but I definitely will not dissapoint you. Thank you!Reviewer: Sarah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 01:14 am
Good start. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Thank you Stacie! Next chapter should be up by tomorrow :)Reviewer: Stacie Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 26 2017 12:05 am