Ethan Crawford

Janet Carpenter

Lisa Vasquez

 

Malcolm "Magic Man"

Anna Phillips

Mariah Carpenter

Gerald Carpenter

Etta Greenwood

Vanessa Carpenter

Charles Carpenter

If I was still the same person I was three years ago: eighteen and in-love, I would tell you that I was waiting for Jamal Richards to get a record deal and whisk me away to California, only he never did any of those things. He just took the money I "borrowed" from my parents and got the hell out of Dodge.  

I still can't shake the fact that my mother was right. She warned me about men like Jamal, but at the time I just thought she was being her usual stuck-up self so I didn't pay her no mind. I should've listened because it turns out that, in the end, men whose talk is as cheap as their shoes, don't really love you.

They just love the dollar signs in front of your name.

Now, twenty-one and penniless, I doubt anyone would look at me twice. Lisa is always telling me that a little make-up won't hurt, and that if I just say the word, she'll hook me up with Malcolm the Magic Man. He knows how to turn rags into riches, or so she says.

But that's not the life I want to lead.

I don't want to spend every night with a different man, letting them do whatever the hell they want to do to me. My mother would hate me if she found out that...

Wait a minute.

She already hates me. Both of my parents do. They made that much clear when they threw me out on my birthday. If it weren't for the money I kept hidden underneath the floor boards in my room, there's no telling what would have became of me.

There's no telling what will become of me now.

 

"I'm doing you a favor chica," Lisa said, taking a bite out of her extra cheesy pizza. For a girl who was literally the size of my pinkie, she ate like there was no tomorrow. She downed three glasses of coke, ate half of my burger, the rest of my fries, and was now working on her second slice. Even a blind man could see that she had a severe case of the munchies.

"I appreciate it, Lees, really I do but..." I looked around at all the people in the diner, hoping that none of them were listening in on our conversation. It was bad enough I looked like something the cat dragged in.

"But what, Janet?" Lisa asked."Money is money even if it happens to be a little...dirty. Besides, you and I both know you need some cash up in those empty pockets of yours."

"I can get another job," I replied, shrugging. It wasn't that simple, though. I had worked at every restaurant and diner this town had to offer. My bosses always told me how good of a employer I was but after awhile - working nine to fives lost its appeal. I didn't like having a job that required me to deal with rude, snobby people especially since I only got paid minimum wage. Sure, it was money but it wasn't enough to make ends meet.

Lisa was an expert on making ends meet. She always had money and even though I didn't approve of her chosen profession - at least she could afford to live comfortably."I can get another job," I repeated. "I just need to do some research, see if there's anything..."

"Listen, Janet, stop tripping. Most of the good jobs around here require a degree, and not just a high school diploma. You don't need any of those things in my line of work."

I smirked and took a sip of my Coke. It was the only thing I could bare to touch. My stomach had been growling for the past half hour, but something about eating food that Lisa bought using the money she made selling her body - didn't sit well with me.

If she applied herself - Lisa could do so much more than sleep with men every night. She could do so much more than Malcolm. I have only ever spoken to him one time but one time was all it took for me to know that he was just like Jamal, maybe even worse. At least that bastard had the decency to leave me alone after he finished getting what he wanted from me.

Malcolm, on the other hand, kept coming back.

The bell over the front door of the diner jingled and I looked up just in time to see the Magic Man himself walking in. He was a tall white man with dark blonde hair. If he didn't make my skin crawl, I would say that he was good-looking. It was easy to see why Lisa was so crazy about him. On the outside, he looked like the type of man you would see in a magazine all tan and muscular. His sunglasses sat on top of his head, so that his eyes were free to roam around the room as they pleased. They caught me watching him. His lips pulled up at the corners to a reveal a smile that sent shivers down my spine. There was something about it that I didn’t like but I just couldn’t put a finger on it until he slid into the booth beside Lisa, and wrapped an arm around her.

Now that he was only a few inches away from me. I could see the hunger flitting across his face. He was looking at me the way any pimp looked at a woman, and I didn’t like it.

"It's always a pleasure to see you Janet," he said, reaching across the table to touch my hand only before our skin could make contact, I pulled away.

"I couldn't say the same about you," I muttered.

He chuckled, icy blue eyes twinkling. "I like a woman with a little sass. Isn't that right, Lisa?"

Lisa nodded. "Don't you think she would be perfect for the job, baby?"

I wasn't sure but I thought I saw him lick his lips.

"She has the body, the looks, and...with a little training, my dear, she would be more than perfect for the job.”

“You see?” Janet asked, her face lighting up like it was Christmas and she was just about to start opening her gifts.

I glared at her, but before I could say anything, a waitress came by and refilled my glass of Coke. Malcolm looked up at her and bit his bottom lip, eyes perusing her body just as they had done mine. The only difference was: the girl seemed to like it. I could tell by the way she was looking at him. She couldn’t have been older than me. Her face looked so innocent and soft, like she hadn’t seen enough of the world to know that men like Malcolm were bad news.

A smile stretched across her face. “Would you like anything, sir?” she asked, her cheeks flushing.

“Not anything that’s on the menu, Jessie.” Malcolm reached for her hand and unlike me – she didn’t pull away. I cringed as he ran his lips across each of her fingers. That was the trouble with devils like him. They could be sweet as angels when they wanted something from you.

I wanted to tell this girl – Jessie – to leave him alone, go find some other golden-haired boy to fall in love with, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out. Not only did I not like Malcolm but I feared him as well. I wasn’t tough like Lisa. I never had to be. I’m the girl from the right side of the tracks, a girl from a privileged family, a girl who knew nothing about pimps and prostitutes until now. Lisa tried so hard to hide her scars and bruises with make-up but I could see them. They were faint blueberry colored blemishes on her honey brown skin. Malcolm had his own battle scars on his face, on his arms. He was a violent man when he didn’t get what he wanted. That is why I hated Lisa for bringing him here. The hunger that had burned in his eyes was never going to extinguish no matter how many times I told him no. He would pursue me just as he would pursue Jessie who was openly flirting with him, jotting her name down on a piece of napkin and slipping into Malcolm’s hand.

Malcolm stuffed it into his shirt pocket and winked at her. “I’ll be calling you soon, beautiful.”

I couldn’t help but notice how jealous Lisa looked. If looks could kill, Jessie would be sprawled across the diner floor breathing her last breath.

“Don’t you have a job to do?” she hissed.

 “Easy, sweet pea. There’s enough of me to go around.”

Jessie giggled. She thought Malcolm was charming. He really was magic, then. I imagined it would take a whole bunch of spells and incantations to hide the vile, disgusting creature that he was. It was only when the waitress went to go wait on another table that the bubble of tension forming around Lisa popped.

Malcolm tried to kiss her on the cheek, but Lisa held up at hand to stop him.

“Don’t touch me.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “This is my job. If you want to keep wearing fancy clothes and driving that nice car, you’re not going to complain when I’m working.”

“Whatever.”

Malcolm’s eyes settled on me once more. “Now, let’s get back to business.”

 

***

“We have something to tell you,” Anna said, grabbing a hold of my hand. I didn’t know it was shaking until she steadied it, assuring me that everything was going to be okay with just one touch.

Her parents sat across from us, looking at us with tired eyes. They had only been in town for a couple of hours. I wanted to wait a couple of days and let them get settled in before we dropped the news on them but Anna was never a patient woman. If it was up to her, we’d take my private jet to Vegas tonight and tie the knot. I didn’t want to rush things, though. I wanted our wedding to perfect. I wanted her to wear my grandmother’s wedding dress, just as my mother had on her wedding day, and just as my daughter would when it came time for her to marry. My family was all about tradition.

“You’re not knocked up or you?” Anna’s mother, Pam, asked, glaring at me. Her voice was rough and husky, unlike her husband’s. He hardly ever said a word but when he did he always spoke in a timid voice that surprised me considering the fact that he was a rather large man.

“No, mama,” Anna replied. I could hear the disappointment lining her southern accent. “It’s nothing like that. Ethan and I….” She looked at me, her green eyes like emeralds. “He proposed to me!” Anna held up her hand to show off her engagement ring. It was the best (and the most expensive) one I could find.

Pam placed her hand over her heart. “Thank you, Lord. Now you can give us the money to help put your sister through college and maybe get us house out here. We’re tired of living…”

“Mama!” Anna glared at her mother. I didn’t know what to say. Of course, I wouldn’t mind putting my future sister-in-law through college but I had hoped we’d get a better response than that. I looked at Frank for reassurance. He nodded his head and gave me a soft smile.

“Welcome to the family, son.” I thought I heard him say but I couldn’t be sure. Somewhere nearby a woman started laughing. I turned my head to find one of the waitresses holding the hand of a man about my age. She looked to be about Anna’s sister’s age; seventeen or eighteen, definitely too young to be talking to a man like this one. I shook my head. It was definitely a sign of the times.

“When are you two getting hitched? Anna, I hope it’s soon. A man like Ethan doesn’t stay interested in women like you for too long. I mean look at him checking out that little hussy over there…”

“Mama,” I heard Anna say.

I smiled at Pam. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Philips. I want to spend the rest of my life with your daughter, if she’ll have me.”

“She’ll have you alright,” Pam muttered. “You didn’t sign a prenup did you? If you did, Anna, I swear on your granddaddy’s grave…”

“He didn’t ask me to sign one. Mama, why can’t you pretend to be happy for me…”

“Enough!” I heard someone behind me exclaim. Drowning out the conversation going on around me, I turned my head to see what was going on. A woman was standing up at the table I had seen the waitress at earlier. She looked angry and I could tell by her clothes that she was going through some things. Homeless, maybe? She tried to move away from the table but a man – the same one who was flirting with the young waitress – stopped her, gripping her arm. I furrowed my eyebrows. Though I didn’t know this woman from Eve, I didn’t like the way the man was touching her. She looked old enough to fight her own battles, but at the same time – I could see she was young and vulnerable. I excused myself from the table and made my way over to see what was going on.  

“Excuse me,” I said, looking down at the man. He loosened his grip a little but didn’t let her go. “I believe this young lady is trying to leave. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I would really appreciate it if you take your hands off of her. Have a little respect.”

The woman scoffed. “I don’t even think he knows what the word respect means.”

I looked at her. She was a few heads shorter than I was and up close she didn’t look as homeless as her clothes suggested. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun, making it easier to look at her face. She was beautiful in a hopeless sort of way. She looked to be about ten years younger than me and yet – she looked like she had seen more than her young soul could bear.

The man chuckled, bitterly. “See, Janet. Even he can’t take his eyes off you.”

Janet tore herself away from him and walked away, leaving behind a warm vanilla scent in her wake. I watched her walk out of the diner, and disappear into the crowd of people walking up and down the busy city streets.

“I don’t know what your relationship with that woman is but…”

“You wanted her didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure, you do,” he said, grinning. “I can see it in your eyes.”

I turned to walk away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“For the right price, you can have her...”

I don’t know what came over me but in a matter of seconds I was on him, fist crashing into the side of his face. He fell back, pushing the woman sitting next to him into the wall. She started screaming in Spanish. I didn’t understand much of what she was saying but I knew she was telling him not to get any blood on her new dress.

“Oh God…” I breathed, running my hand through my hair. Memories began to flash through my mind, memories that I never wanted to resurface.

You can have her, Ethan. Any way you want. You can have her. Just say the words and I’ll give her to you. Just say the words…

I shook my head.

It took me a long time to bury all of my skeletons. Not only that but I was getting married in a couple of months. Anna was perfect; she was a woman my mother would have loved if she was still alive. Anna was my clean slate, my second chance. I doubted she would stand by me if all of my secrets came back to haunt me.

Several eyes were on me now. I could hear Anna screaming Oh my God, Ethan!  Her mother was saying something along the lines of I knew he was a crazy son of a gun. One of the men who worked in the diner was telling me that I needed to leave and I knew that I did. I just couldn’t get my feet to move. I was paralyzed with all of the memories of blood and screams and her.

All I could think about was her.

 

What man wouldn’t pay to spend a night in that beautiful body of yours?

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get his voice out of my head. I thought a walk would make me forget about Malcolm, but the more I walked, the more I thought about him. I ended up in a phone booth, hands digging around in my pocket for the only money I had left in this world; a few quarters and dimes. It wasn’t enough to pay the rent or even buy a meal from McDonald’s but it was enough to call my brother.

Gerald made me promise that I wouldn’t hesitate to contact him if I needed help, and I knew his definition of help wasn’t the same as Lisa’s. He picked up after the third ring.

“Hello?” His voice was deep, like our father’s. Though I wasn’t that much older, I still thought of him as a baby. Now he was a man or at least he was about to be.

“Hello,” he repeated. “Look if this is you Sparks, I’m not…”

“Gerald,” I breathed. “It’s your sister.”

“Janet?”

I chuckled. “Who else would it be?”

He paused. “It’s been a while since you last called me. Could you hold on a sec?

“Yeah sure.”

I tapped my fingers against the phone, waiting for him to get done doing whatever he was doing.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “Had to close the door so mom wouldn’t invite herself into my room. She’s been doing that a lot lately.”

“How is she?” I didn’t go through any trouble trying to hide the longing in my voice. Though I should hate her for throwing me out on my eighteenth birthday, I couldn’t help but miss her. She was my mother after all.

“She’s okay. All things considered.” He muttered the last part.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well…” he started, and then he grew quiet. There was something he was hiding from me and I could tell it had to do with our mother.

“Gerald Michael, if you don’t…”

“Okay, Janet. You don’t have to put my name out there on the streets. Where are you anyways?”

“I’ll tell you where I’m at as soon as you tell me what’s going on with mom.”

I could see his eyebrows furrowing in my mind. He was contemplating whether he should tell me anything. He sighed. “Mom and dad are getting a divorce.”

“They’re what?!”

“Yeah…it’s been crazy here. Dad is moving out and mom is acting so weird. Before, she didn’t really care what Mariah and I did but now I swear it’s like she’s intentionally making our lives miserable. I feel sorry for Mariah. Once I leave…”

“Leave?” I asked, puzzled. Where could he possibly be going?

“It’s my senior year, Jan. I’m graduating soon. I got accepted into Howard, you know? Well, I guess you don’t know that.”

“Wow” was all I could manage to say. I knew that Gerald would have to grow up some time and that he would eventually graduate and go to college but I didn’t think it would happen without me being there. Tears trickled down my cheeks, seeping into my skin.

“I’m so sorry,” I breathed.

“Janet, what are you sorry for?” he asked.

“Everything.” That was the last thing I said to him before I hung up. My call was probably about to be up anyways and I didn’t want to waste his time crying into the phone. I was the oldest, the one who was supposed to be the positive role model in my brother and sister’s life and now they were growing up without me, my parents were growing apart without me. I knew that the world didn’t revolve around me but I wish, in that moment, that it did.

 

***

“That wasn’t you back there, Ethan. Why did you hit that man?”

Anna had been screaming in my ear for the past fifteen minutes. I couldn’t look at her but she was looking at me, her gaze as wild and frantic as her voice. She was furious. I didn’t know what to say to make her calm down.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, only the apology was a few years too late because the person I really wanted to apologize to had been dead for a long time now. Anna wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. Her lips pressed against my forehead. I didn’t deserve her or her love. Any other woman would have broken it off with me if they had seen me go off like that, but Anna wasn’t any other woman. She was my future wife, the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the woman who knew nothing about my past.

“There are things that I want to tell you. Things that I am ashamed of but…”

“Shh,” she said, smoothing my hair back. “I don’t want to know about your past. It’s not important okay? I just need to know that you won’t do that again. Mama had a lot to say about you hitting that man over that girl. Who was she anyways?”

“I don’t know,” I lied. I did know who she was. Her name was Janet. Maybe that was all I knew about her, but it was enough. For the right price…

“Well you sure acted like you knew her. And what about that waitress, Ethan? Mama said that you were checking her out.”

I pulled away from her. “Do you always listen to everything your mother says?”

“Ethan, I’m…” Before she could say sorry, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. They were soft and plump and even though I didn’t feel anything when I kissed her – I just wanted her to stop talking because the more she talked, the more doubts she was going to have about marrying me and I couldn’t have her calling it quits. I couldn’t have her walking out on Fallon now that she’s gotten so used to her being around.

Part of me wished that I could bring back her real mother, but since that was never going to happen, Anna was going to have to do.

When we got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. I told Anna that I was going to take a bath and that I wouldn’t take too long but as soon as I dropped my body into the water, I didn’t want to get out.

The hot water felt good against my skin. I was shaking. I am always shaking, even when it’s not cold. Drops of blood trickled down the side of my face from where the plate made contact with my forehead. The woman that was with the bastard launched it at my face. Figures. Men like him were only good for beating women up but when it came time to face a man, they couldn’t deliver.

Anna knocked on the door. “Are you almost done in there, honey?”

“Just give me a few more minutes,” I replied, sighing. Sunlight drifted in through the slits in the curtains. They were a pale pink and even though I was content with the white blinds I had before, Anna insisted that the bathroom needed some color. I couldn’t disagree with her, considering the fact that if I did, I would have to hear about it for the rest of my life.

I closed my eyes, and sunk deeper into the tub.

Anna was working out in our bedroom when I finally stepped out. She turned around and looked me, a smile stretching across her face.

“I can’t believe I get to wake up to that face every morning. All of my friends from grad school are going to be so jealous when I tell them that I’m going to be Mrs. Ethan Crawford. Don’t you just love the sound of that, honey?” She started jogging in place, her long blonde ponytail swinging side to side.

“It has a ring to it, I guess.”

She jutted out her bottom lip, and stopped moving. “You guess?”

I sat down on the edge of our bed, and looked down at my feet. She came and knelt in front of me. “Look at me,” she said.

I did.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” I shook my head, several damp strands of my dark hair falling into my eyes.  

“It’s just…” she pushed.

“I don’t want you to marry me for all the wrong reasons.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Honey...” she started.

“Anna, I don’t want to be a trophy husband. I don’t want to be your own personal piggy bank and I sure as hell don’t want to be the man who hurts you.”

“You would never hurt me.”

I sighed. “You don’t know that.”

Before she could say anything else, the door to the bedroom flew open, and in walked Etta with my daughter trailing behind her. Etta has been working for my family ever since I was a kid. Though she didn’t look her age with her smooth brown skin and dark hair, it was definitely time for her to retire. She gave me a look and I could only imagine what she was thinking as she assessed me and Anna in compromising positions.

Fallon ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me. “Daddy!” she exclaimed.

“How’s my beautiful little girl today?” I asked, kissing her forehead. Fallon looked up at me with eyes that were the same shade of blue as mine and for that I was grateful.

“I helped Grandma Etta bake a cake for Gramp’s birthday,” she replied.

“You did,” I said. “What flavor is it?”

“Chocolate, of course. Gramp’s favorite.”

“Okay, dear,” Etta said, moving across the room and placing her hand on Fallon’s shoulder. “Let’s go ice your Gramp’s cake. It should be cooled off by now.”

Fallon jutted out her bottom lip. “But I want to stay with daddy.”

I tucked a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear. “How about we go to the park in a few. Go help Etta ice the cake and then we’ll go, okay?”

I watched amazed as my daughter’s pout quickly transformed into a smile.

“Okay!” she replied, and Etta ushered her out of the room.

“Etta is going to have a long talk with me once you two leave,” Anna said, as soon as the bedroom door was pulled shut.

“Just tell her we didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled, bitterly. “And she’ll believe me because we never do anything.” Before I could ask what her problem was, she muttered that she was going to go take a shower and disappeared into the bathroom.

 

***

I didn’t want to go home. Not that the almost empty apartment with the eviction letter tacked to it was home, but it was the only place I could call my own. In two weeks, it wouldn’t be mine anymore. In two weeks the streets will become my real home. I went into a nearby Wendy’s to use the bathroom, to wash the tears from my eyes before they became permanent tattoos on my skin. When I was sure that I didn’t look like a lost soul, I continued walking without any destination in mind.

I ended up at the park. The sun had slipped out from behind the clouds, and turned the trees, the joggers, and the little kids swinging on the swings gold. I sat down on one of the benches taking it all in, wishing that I could switch places with someone, anyone. I just didn’t want to be me anymore.

My parents used to take me to the park when I was little, and before Mariah and Gerald came along. We were the perfect family back then. Dad was on his way to building a revolutionary business and mom was real estate royalty. Mom was beautiful. Dad was handsome and was always flirting with his business partner’s wives, now that I think about. They were perfect together. We were perfect together. Or so I had thought.

Something green fell into my lap. It was a Frisbee I looked around, wondering where it could have come from. I didn’t see the golden retriever rushing towards me before it was too late. It climbed all over me, tongue wagging.

I screamed.

“Rover!” someone yelled.

The dog – who I guessed was named Rover – stopped pawing at me and turning around to look at his owner. I looked up at the guy too, hoping to give him a piece of my mind. This was a public park, which meant –

It was him.

The guy from the diner.

He traded in his suit and tie for a white t-shirt and some blue jeans. I have seen so many guys in this same exact outfit but none of them made something so plain look so good. I felt my cheeks grow hot. Here I was checking this man out when I was supposed to be telling him off.

It took him a while to get over to where I was sitting but when he was in talking distance, his eyes widened. “Janet?”

I blinked. He knew my name?

“I believe this is yours,” I muttered, handing him the Frisbee.

Rover sat down by his feet looking at me with his black button eyes. I glared at him and the man laughed. “I’m sorry about Rover. He doesn’t know how to control himself when it comes to beautiful women.”

My eyebrows knitted together. Was he seriously hitting on me right now? I looked a mess.

“Um…” he started.

Before he could say anything else, a little girl with brown hair sauntered over towards us.

“Daddy,” she said. “Who is your friend?”

“This is…”

“I’m Janet,” I replied, smiling. “What’s your name?”

“Fallon.”

“That’s a beautiful name.”

“What do you say?” her father asked.

“Thank you, Miss Janet.”

“Go play with Rover over there. I want to talk to my friend Janet for a little bit, okay?”

Fallon didn’t hesitate to leave us alone. She took the Frisbee from her father and ran away with Rover.

“You know my name,” I said. “But I don’t know yours.” He sat down beside me. The wind blew several strands of his hair into his eyes. They were same shape and color as Fallon’s but his sent shivers down my spine as he looked at me.

“Ethan,” he replied. “Listen, I…”

“Thank you.” I looked away from him. “It’s not every day someone stands up for me and though I could’ve handled Malcolm myself, I’m glad I didn’t have to.”

“How do you know him? You’re not…”

“No, I’m not. I would never do anything like that. It’s just that….why do you care? You don’t know anything about me except my name and I don’t know anything about you. You’re a complete stranger. How do I know you’re not an axe murderer?”

“Because axe murderers don’t knock out guys who…”

My jaw dropped. “You knocked him out?”

Ethan nodded. “He got what he deserved.”

“I’ll say,” I sighed. “But he’ll find me eventually.”

“What does this Malcolm guy have on you?”

I got up from the bench and started walking down the path, expecting him to follow. He did.

“They call him the Magic Man. He likes to manipulate women to get what he wants. It’s what he’s good at.” I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “He offered me a job and of course, I refused it. I refused it even though I really need…” I stopped myself. Though Ethan didn’t really seem like the kind of person who would hurt me, I still didn’t feel comfortable treating him like a diary.

“Your daughter is beautiful,” I breathed.

“Thank you,” Ethan replied. “She’s my world.”

I turned to look at him, to find him looking in Fallon’s direction. She was running around a tree with the Frisbee in her hand, laughing. Rover was chasing her, barking playfully.

 “Don’t ever let her fall in love,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.

“I won’t.”

 

“Don’t ever let her fall in love,” she whispered, with so much sadness in her voice, that I could tell that my assumptions from before were right – she had been through a lot.

“I won’t,” I breathed, watching my daughter. She was as free as the wind that blew through the leaves and part of me wished that she could stay that age forever, so she wouldn’t have to go through the pain of growing up.

I didn’t have a hard childhood. My family was exceptionally wealthy, and the Crawford name was well-known, respected even. I never wanted for anything, and then my mother died. She was the one person who really understood me, the one person who filled the hole my father left in my life. He was the breadwinner in the family, which meant he had to spend many hours at work. Even when he came home – he would spend most of his time in his office. There were times when I forgot what he looked like. Some people would say that I looked like a much younger version of him and then every time I looked in the mirror – I saw him. Even so – I didn’t want to become him. I didn’t want to be the man who hardly ever saw his children. I didn’t want to be the man who was married to his career. 

“What do you do for a living?” Janet asked, looking up at me from under long, thick eyelashes. There was something about her eyes that enticed me. A man could get lost in them if he wasn’t careful.

We were walking through the park now. The sun had retreated back into the clouds; Fallon and Rover were walking quietly beside us.

“I’m an attorney,” I replied.

“Figures,” she said, smiling.

This was the second time I seen her smile today. I liked the way it looked on her. It lit up face like the sun lit up the sky. “Do I look like a lawyer or something?”

“No.” Janet shook her head. “There’s just something about you that says I uphold the law.” She shrugged. “My father used to always invite his lawyers over to talk business.” The smile disappeared from her face. I wanted to ask her why she looked so grim, but I didn’t think she would tell me, so I let it go.

“I gather your father was a businessman?”

She nodded. “You sound surprised.”

“No, it’s just…”

“What is a rich man’s daughter doing out on the streets?”

“Not the question I was going to ask but…yeah.”

She ran a hand through hair. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you.”

Janet was a mysterious woman. I liked that. But more importantly I liked her. Not in the way Malcolm had surmised I did, but in a way that made me not want her to go off into the world and disappear forever. Though I didn’t know her, I knew that I didn’t want men like the Magic Man getting their hands on her.

I placed my hand on her arm. She froze underneath my touch, but she didn’t pull away. “Janet,” I said. “I can help you.”

She laughed but not in a humorous way. No, this laugh was empty, hollow. Dead. “I can’t even help myself. What makes you think you can help me?”

“I have connections and money and…”

She pulled away this time, her eyebrows furrowing. “What’s in it for you? Do you honestly want me to believe that you won’t want anything in return?”

“I don’t. Your friendship maybe, but no – you won’t have to give me anything in return.”

“That’s what they all say!” she screamed, stomping off into another direction. I wanted to follow after her, demand that she be reasonable and let me help her out of her current situation, but Fallon was looking at me with a confused look in her eyes.

“What’s wrong with Miss Janet?”

An ice cream truck driving by kept me from having to answer Fallon’s question. I didn’t have an answer either way. If anything – I wanted to know what was wrong with her too. Sure she didn’t have to accept my help, but she didn’t have to refuse it either, especially since there were no strings attached.

That’s what they all say.

***

“Did you have fun with dad, sweetie?” Anna knelt down in front of Fallon, smoothing her hair back from her face the way she always did. I could picture her with a round belly, chasing our golden haired children around. I could picture her being a good mother, a fantastic one even but not the love of my life.

I loved her in a way but not in the way that she loved me. She said that I couldn’t hurt her, only I knew that I could. If I told her it was over, if I broke off the engagement months before our wedding, hurt wouldn’t explain what she felt. Though I didn’t really like being compared to my father – one thing we had in common was that we were both men who kept their word. When I got down on my knee and asked Anna Phillips to marry me, I meant for her to be my wife, a mother to Fallon.

Fallon needed a mother.

“Yes. We got ice cream, played with Rover, and spent time with one of Daddy’s friends.”

My cheeks grew hot. “Etta,” I said. “Would you mind getting Fallon ready for dinner?”

Etta shook her head at me. “Come on, dear.”

When the two were gone, Anna looked at me with her wide green eyes, a question burning in them. “Who did you run into?”

I could have lied and told her it was someone from work or maybe even a client but our marriage didn’t need to be built on lies. I told her the truth.

“I ran into Janet at the park. Rover…attacked her.”

She sighed. “Twice in one day. Who the hell is this woman?”

“She needs help.” I sat down on the couch, patting the cushion beside me.

Anna continued to stand.

“Okay,” she breathed. “But does that mean you have to be the one to help her?”

I frowned. “What difference does it make, Anna?”

“I want to be your wife more than anything. I don’t want anyone coming in between us, Ethan. This woman – she’s trouble. The people she hangs out with, the way she dresses.”

“She’s going through some things…” I countered.

“Who gives a damn? There are plenty of black girls out there who are going through some things. How do you know she’s not some whore or…or…”

I shot up from the couch and in two strides I was across the room, standing in front of her. “Anna,” I breathed, reaching for her. She backed away from me but I wasn’t having it. My hand curled around her arm, tight enough to keep her in place, but loose enough so that she would be able to move away if she wanted to.

“I love you so much,” she cried. “I don’t want to lose…” I placed both of my hands on each side of her face and brought her lips to mine. There was no passion in the kiss, but she responded in the way that I knew she would. She pressed her slender body against mine, hands moving up my chest. This was the only way to get her to stop worrying.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” I whispered, pressing my lips to the top of her ear.

We were behind closed doors in a matter of minutes. We had each other’s clothes off in matter of seconds. She dragged her lips across my chest, biting me here, digging her nails into my skin there. Anna was a passionate lover; I knew that much about her when we first started dating. She could have any man she wanted. But she wanted me, even though I kept her at a distance, even though I hardly ever told her that I loved her.

“Ethan…” she panted. “I need you.”

***

Everyone always needed something from me.

Steven sat on the hood of my car, chugging back a can of beer. The sleeves of his work-shirt were rolled up, drops of blood were scattered across the front.

“You don’t know how much you bailin’ me out means to me, little bro.”

“Right,” I muttered. “You say the same exact thing every single time. I can’t keep doing it, you know?”

He shrugged. “You won’t have to. This is the last time, I swear.”

I could feel the heat rising up my neck. The last time Steven said this, he called me in the middle of the night, asking me to do him yet another favor.

“Mom would be so disappointed in you.”

“What do you say?” He slid off of my car, and came to stand in front of me.

“Mom would be…” I started, only I didn’t get a chance to finish because his fist had connected with my face.

“Don’t you ever say some shit like that again,” he screamed.

My mouth tasted metallic. Blood. I spit out a pool of it onto the pavement. If it weren’t for the screams coming from the other direction, there’s no telling what I would have done to Steven. He might have been older than me but I was stronger, bigger. Sober.

The screams were coming from a woman with a short red wig on. She was running towards us, eyes wide with terror, face blue and black from bruises.

“Help me!” she screamed. “He’s going to kill me!”

Men were all the same. They were all devils. Some of them hid their evil ways behind charming smiles like Malcolm; others were like Ethan and Jamal. You couldn’t tell they were bad until it was too late. I didn’t know much about Ethan, but I did know that I wasn’t going to let him hurt me like Jamal had.

I wasn’t going to let any man hurt me again.

 

***

Shontelle barged into my room the way she always did when she came over. It never bothered me before but now as tears slid down my cheeks – I wished she had knocked first.

“Hey…” she started, her large blue eyes sweeping over me. They were a new color every week. Her eyebrows knitted together when she realized that I was crying. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, not wanting to relive what had happened.

“I just want to get out of here,” I breathed, wiping the snot coming out of my nose on my sleeve.

Shontelle smiled, softly. “Perfect,” she said. “Because I know just the place to go. First, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Mom never let me go to parties. Dad, on the other hand, let me do whatever I wanted to do, as long as my mother said yes. I knew she would say no, so I let Shontelle do all the talking. She told them that we were going to the movies and then to her house for a “girl’s night”. Lucky for me – my parents adored Shontelle and had always thought she was a good girl. Yeah, right.

We slipped out of the house, our party outfits concealed underneath our coats. I wasn’t sure about the belly shirt Shontelle made me put on, especially since I wasn’t used to showing so much skin.

“You look fine, girl,” she said, smiling. “I bet most of the guys there won’t be able to take their eyes off of you.”

She was wrong.

Most of the guys were looking at her as she hit the dance floor, getting lost in the crowd of dancers. But there was one guy whose eyes I couldn’t shake.

He closed the distance between us, not even caring that I was seventeen and inexperienced and not as worldly as Shontelle who was swinging her hips in the center of the room.

“What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked.

“Janet,” I breathed, looking up into his chocolate eyes. He was tall and he had skin the color of coffee with too much cream in it. His gaze swept over me making my cheeks flush. Guys have looked at me before but they were usually my age. He had to be at least twenty or twenty-one, definitely too old to be in high school.

“Jamal,” he said, taking my hand. “Can I have this dance?”

Just then, as if on cue, the upbeat rap song changed into a slow song. Jamal pulled me out into the center of the room, and placed his hands on my waist. He didn’t try to touch my butt or anything but by the end of the night I was so drunk off of him that I didn’t care if everyone was looking at us as we had our own private dance session in the corner of the room. I didn’t care that I went home smelling like cologne and aftershave or that my lips were swollen from all of the kisses Jamal placed on my lips.

I was seventeen and in love. What could possibly go wrong?

 

***

The sun was setting by the time I reached my apartment building. A few men were standing on the corner, hands moving so fast that it was hard to tell what they were doing, but I knew what they were doing. Drug dealers and prostitutes were common in this neighborhood. That’s how I had met Lisa. She used to pick up guys across the street, leaning against Malcolm’s car in nothing but booty shorts and a tank top. Those days are over though. Now she only gives her services to the rich men; the ones whose “socialite wives don’t put out”.

Ethan probably had one of those wives. Why else would he want to help me? Men always had an ulterior motive, and I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to know what his was.

I dropped my keys down on the table as soon I stepped into my apartment. It was dark except for the faint orange glare of the setting sun. This was the result of me not paying the light and the electric bill.

“Home sweet home,” I muttered, making my way over to the couch, but before I could plop down on the already sunken in cushions, muscular arms wrapped around my waist. holding me tight.

“One way or another, Janet, I always get what I want.” Malcolm. I recognized that voice like the back of my hand. Though he was both stronger and bigger than me I tried my best to tear myself away from him, only it was no use. I would have been better off trying to bust through a metal door. But I wasn’t giving up just yet. Malcolm was only holding the top of my body, which meant that my legs and feet were free to do whatever they pleased. I sent my foot flying into his crotch or at least I thought I did. He groaned in my ears, arms falling away from me.

“You’re going to pay for that,” he hissed, but I didn’t stick around to hear what else he had to say. I had made him angry, so there was no telling what he was going to do if he caught me.

I didn’t want to find out so I took off running down the hallway, hoping to get to the kitchen where the fire escape was. It was completely dark in the apartment now so I had to feel my way around. I tripped over a few things scattered across the floor and just when I was about to push up the window that led to my way out, Malcolm grabbed me from behind once more, making sure to hold me in a way that wouldn’t give me access to his crotch.

“I had hoped you would come willingly. Now I see I’m going to have to use force.

“You…” Before I could say anything else, something hit me in the side of the head so hard that stars started to appear in the darkness.

Then everything went black.

***

“I love you,” Jamal said for the thousandth time. Next week was my birthday. Next week he was going to California to jumpstart his career.

I buried my face into his shoulder breathing in the smell of his cologne until it became my oxygen. “I love you, too.” Even though I loved him ever since I met him, I loved him even more now. He was the only person who I willingly let see me naked, the only person who worshipped my body without making me feel dirty and insecure. Jamal was the perfect escape for me but he was also my best friend. Shontelle hardly ever called now that I started spending time with him. She said he was no good and that I should leave him alone. Jamal assured me that she was only jealous of our love and that was understandable.

We were at the beach. It was a perfect summer day. The sun was shining and the sky was blue but all I could focus on was Jamal’s eyes and his smile. He made my world go round. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. His fingers felt cool warm against my skin, as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. Jamal liked it long, so I started getting extensions put in. I didn’t like the way the hair felt on my neck, especially since it was hot outside. But I always did what he said. I wore my hair long. I started wearing less make-up, and less revealing shirts. He liked that kind of stuff when we first started going out but he didn’t want any other guy looking at me. I was his. I would always be.

“I don’t want to do this, babe,” he breathed, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead. Part of me wished he would have kissed me on the lips.

“Do what?”

“I need some money, Janet. I wouldn’t ask you for it if I didn’t need it but…if I’m going to make it in California, then I’m going to need some cash money. There’s no pressure, baby. I understand if you don’t want to give it to me but think about how happy you’ll be when you come down to California in a few months to visit me. I’ll have my record deal and that pent house we always talked about.” Jamal looked off into the distance, like he was picturing everything he was saying in his head.

“Of course,” I said, smiling. “Of course, I’ll give you the money.”

Jamal turned to look at me, a look I couldn’t decipher in his eyes. “That’s my girl.”

***

My eyes burned as I looked up at the white light that was surrounding me. It scared away what was left of the darkness, giving me a chance to take everything in. I didn’t know where I was but I did know that my clothes were gone. The only thing I was wearing was my bra and underwear. Though I didn’t hear anyone in the room with me, I covered my chest and scooted back until I came in contact with the cool, concrete wall. The center of my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn’t remember why but as I sat there, piecing what I did remember together, only one name came to mind.

“Malcolm,” I breathed.

“Sleeping Beauty awakes.” I looked around frantically, trying to find him, only he wasn’t in the room. No one was in the room or dungeon or whatever the hell it was. There was, however, a camera situated above me on the ceiling. I could tell it was watching my every move. He was watching my every move.

“Somebody help!” I screamed, my lungs feeling like they were going to collapse. I don’t know why I was screaming, I knew no one could hear me. I could barely hear myself; my voice was so weak, hoarse.

I heard Malcolm chuckle. “You’re silly, Janet. I like you.”

“Well, I don’t like you,” I said, looking into the camera. Inside, I was shaking. But on the outside – I was trying to be brave, to be tough like I knew Lisa would be if she were in this situation.’

Lisa.

She was the one who had gotten me into this mess. How else would he have known where I lived?

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“Like I would tell you,” I spat.

“Easy, Janet. Don’t use that tone with me.”

I struggled to get to my feet, legs wobbling. I had to lean against the wall for support. “Malcolm, I swear to God, if you don’t get me out of here. I’m going to…”

“God?” Malcolm laughed. It was a bitter laugh, one that sent shivers down my spine. “The only god in here is me. I own you know, Janet. Every piece of you. And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t resist. You won’t tell me what to do or make idle threats because at the end of the day, you’re mine. Do you hear me, Janet?”

I turned away from the camera to hide my tears, to hide the fear that was burning in my eyes. “I want to go home,” I whispered. But I wasn’t talking about my apartment; I was talking about going back home to Florida. Even though I was certain my mother wouldn’t take me back, she couldn’t turn me away if I was hurt. There had to be some part of her that still cared about me.

“Where are my clothes?” I asked, as a layer of goose bumps covered my skin.

“You’ll get them soon enough. I enjoy looking at your body. Do you know that, Janet? Your curves, that intoxicating brown skin. I bet it’s smooth…smooth as hot molasses.” He sighed. “I should keep you for myself.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to dignify anything he had to say with an answer.

“But, if it’s clothes you want. I’ll give you clothes. Better clothes than you’ve been wearing, that’s for sure. You just have to do one thing, Janet?”

I turned to look up at the camera, pretending that I was looking into his ice-cold blue eyes. Though I didn’t ask what with my lips, I asked with my eyes.

“Beg,” he answered. “Get down your knees and tell me how much you want your clothes and I promise I’ll give them to you.”

“You bastard,” I muttered.

“What was that? I can’t hear you?”

I wasn’t about to do what he wanted me to do but I was starting to get cold and I hated giving the satisfaction of looking at my almost-naked body. I also hated giving him the satisfaction of watching me beg. I couldn’t win either away.

But I wanted my clothes.

I got down on my knees, wincing as the cold, hard floor came into contact with my bare knees. I thought I heard Malcolm laugh again, but it was silent as I looked up into the camera.

“That’s my girl,” he breathed, and I almost broke into a million pieces. Those were the same words Jamal said to me all those years ago. I gulped.

“I’m waiting.”

“Malcolm, can I please…” I started.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“No man is going to pay you anything if you beg like that.”

I knew what was implying and I didn’t like it but I kept my mouth shut.

“I’m going to have to tell Lisa to give you a few pointers. Now beg like you mean it, Janet. I don’t have all day.”

I looked up at him from underneath my eyelashes. “Please,” I said, softly.

“Please what?”

“Please, let me have my…”

“Malcolm!” Lisa.

She was there. Even though a part of me had hated her, a part of was glad she was here.

“Sweet pea, I’m just having a little fun.”

“Fun my ass. When I said that I wanted to help her, I didn’t mean that I wanted you do this to her. Janet, can you hear me? I’m coming down there to get you.”

In a matter of seconds a door on the far right wall opened. It was concrete as well and I hadn’t noticed it before, but when Lisa appeared in the doorway, I almost toppled her over, as I ran for the exit. She stopped me, gripping my shoulders. I doubted she was going to let me leave.

“Where do you think you’re going, chica?”

“Lisa,” I cried. “I can’t be here like this. I don’t want this.”

Lisa sighed. “I want to help you. Don’t you see that? You need the money and I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t help you get any now would I?”

I wanted to tell her that she wasn’t my friend and that I was never going to trust her again, but she was already leading me up a set of stairs and into a room that looked like some sort of study. Malcolm was sitting at a desk surrounded by computers and a couple of TVs. On the screen was the room I just been spirited away from.

He looked over at me and smiled that crooked smile.

“Go to Hell,” I hissed.

“Sweet pea, get her out of here. I want you to get her attitude in check before I have to do it for her. And I don’t think she would like that.”

“Come on,” Lisa placed her hand on the small of my back and led me out of the room. We were in some sort of mini mansion, that much I figured out as I was led down several hallways. There was hardly any furniture.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

“To our room. You’re staying with me so I can keep a better eye on you.”

“I’m not a child, Lisa. I’m grown ass woman and you sure as hell can’t keep me here against my will.”

Lisa stopped and moved to stand in front of me. “Look, chica, I know you’re pissed off but just wait until you get paid tonight. One thousand dollars isn’t a lot but you need it.”

“Tonight? Lisa…”

“I got you a client.”

 

 

 

 

I felt like a spider caught in a web. The blankets and Anna’s arm were wrapped around me, holding me hostage. It was dark now; the only light in the room came from the digital clock sitting on my nightstand.
I reached a hand up to brush my hair back from my face. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but being with Anna was like sleeping with a rollercoaster. She could go on forever and if I hadn’t told her that I was tired, we probably would have.
Slipping out from under her, I sat up in bed, hoping not to wake her, hoping not to fuel her fire again.
“Baby…” she breathed, just as my phone started to ring.
“I wonder who could be calling this late.” I was on vacation, which meant that no one at the firm was supposed to call me unless it was important. Picking up my cell phone, I looked at the caller ID, only to feel all of the anxiety from earlier rushing back only this time it had nothing to do with Anna or my past. It did, however, have everything to do with my father. His birthday was tomorrow and the whole family, including Anna’s, was coming over to celebrate his 74th birthday. He didn’t look his age, but he was getting to the point in his career where he couldn’t be the shark that he always had been. His business was suffering because of it. He lost a lot of money, not enough to stop him from living a lavish life, but enough to make his associates and his lawyers worry about him.
“Hey Dad,” I said, answering the phone. There was a lot of tension between us. Even though I was the only one out of all of his sons who made something of themselves, he still kept me at a distance. I didn’t know if it was out of jealousy or fear or what. He just didn’t treat me like a father should treat their son.
“Ethan,” he replied, voice still as deep and demanding as it had always been. “I flew in town a little earlier than expected.”
“That’s wonderful. Fallon will be happy to see you. Do you need…”
“No, I checked into a hotel. The Four Seasons, to be exact. It’s my favorite place to stay when I come to New York. Besides, I don’t think I can stay in a house with people who don’t appreciate my company. How is Etta doing anyways?”
I smirked. It wasn’t a secret that Etta and my father didn’t like each other. They were always going at it when I was little, especially when my mother died. I never understood why they were always arguing but I did know that it was time for them to put their differences aside.
“She’s great. Still looks the same as she did years ago.”
“Good for her,” he mumbled. “Listen, son, I didn’t call you to talk about Etta to be honest with you. There’s a fundraiser going on tonight. You know, one of those really fancy gatherings that I hate going to. I would ask your mother if she’d go with me but you know how she is. It takes her hours to…”
He stopped talking for a few seconds. It was rare when he mentioned my mother, but when he did it was almost as if he had forgotten for a split second that she was dead. Sometimes I pitied him. Even though he had been married to his career, he loved his wife deeply. I could tell by the way he would look at her. It was a quiet love my parents shared, one that I didn’t understand until I was a little older.
My father cleared his throat. “You’re not busy are you? I’ll understand if you can’t come with me tonight, Ethan.”
I sighed. “I’ll be there.”
“Okay, okay.”
He told me where and when the fundraiser was and that he arranged for a limo to come pick me up at ten o’clock.
It was as if he knew I couldn’t say no to him.
And I couldn’t.
Even though I knew it was never going to happen, a part of me wanted him to accept me. I wanted him to look at me and say that he was proud of me for once in my life. Hell, he even told Steven he was proud of him when he started going to AA meetings after years of cheating on his wife and walking out on his family. Steven wasn’t a stand-up guy but I did everything in my power to atone for that only my father never seemed to take notice.
“What’s going on honey?” Anna asked, wrapping her arms around my waist, her hair brushing my arms.
“That was father. He invited me to a fundraiser in the city.”
“Daddy’s in town?”
I smirked. Anna started calling him Daddy the day I proposed to her. She sounded like a little girl. If only she knew how he really felt about her. His smile wasn’t always sincere, but she thought he adored her, especially since he made it his business to tell her how pretty she was every time he saw her. Later he would say she was extremely beautiful, but didn’t have a bit of sense.
“That’s the type of woman you take to a hotel for a few nights, and then be done with her,” he would say. My father may have been a businessman but that didn’t make him any less of a player. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder if he ever stepped out on my mother, if that was the reason why their love was so quiet.
“Yeah, he flew in earlier today. He’s staying at the Four Seasons.”
Her lips turned down. “Why is he staying at a hotel? He should be here with us.” She ran her hands along my chest. “Tell him we can have Etta prepare a room for him.”
“If he wants to stay at a hotel, then let him stay at a hotel.”
“Well,” Anna said, and I could hear the pout in her voice. “Don’t stay out too late, give my best to Daddy, and...Ethan?”
I turned my head to look at her. “Try not to run into that woman again.”

***

“You have got to be kidding me,” I said, looking at myself in the mirror. Lisa had dressed me in a skin-tight red dress that hugged every curve on my body. There was even a plunging neckline that revealed everything. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this dress in public. Not even to impress the man I was escorting tonight.
Lisa turned me around so that I was facing her. There was a look of approval in her light brown eyes. “Caesar is going to want to skip the fundraiser when he sees you. He might even take you back to his hotel, and tear that ass up.”
“You said that I wouldn’t have to sleep with him.”
She sighed. “I know what I said, Jan, but if you want to get paid, you’re going to have to put out. Mr. Delaney loves sex. He’s going to expect it from you, and honey, once you see him, you’re going to want to rip his suit off. I sure as hell want to!”
“Then why don’t you be his escort?”
“Because Caesar likes chocolate.” She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Plus, he requested you.”
“What do you mean by requested?”
Lisa shrugged. “Malcolm sent him a few pictures of you.” Her tone was matter-of-fact which made me want to beat the living daylights out of her. No wonder why the Magic Man was so hell-bent on having me. This Caesar Delaney guy probably already paid for me, which meant that Malcolm had to keep up his end of the bargain.
Even the scum of the earth had honor. If you can even call it that.
“Where is the bathroom?” I asked, keeping my tone light.
“Down the hall, to the left,” Lisa replied, but before I could reach the door, a hand fell on my shoulder. I froze for a few moments, and then turned around to face Lisa.
“Don’t think I was born yesterday, Jan.”
“I don’t…” I started.
“You’re going to go take off that dress, aren’t you?” She cut in. “I know this is not the way you normally dress but you need to show off the curves God gave you. We can’t have you looking like a homeless man all the time.”
I nodded. “Right, okay. I just…really need to pee.”
Lisa took one last look at me and then I scurried out of the room before she got a chance to say anything else. The hallway was empty except for a few unopened boxes. Paintings were hanging on the walls, which were all painted white. A glass chandelier hung from a ceiling, making rainbows dance across my vision, as light streaming in from the window reflected off of it. This place didn’t look like Buckingham Palace but with a few touch-ups it could be as nice as the house I grew up in.
It just seemed funny to me that a pimp would live in a place like this. I followed Lisa’s directions, moving down the hall as quickly and quietly as I could, despite the fact that I was wearing heels that click-clacked with every step I took. I saw the bathroom next to the stairs. Before I descended down them, I closed the door, loudly, hoping to make it seem like I had went in, and then walked down the spiral steps that led to the bottom floor.
The foyer was spacious. It was filled with even more boxes than the upstairs was. Lisa’s room and the study that I had seen Malcolm in were the only rooms, as far as I could tell, that were furnished. They both did well for themselves despite their chosen professions. I wanted to do well for myself too, but not this way. Being some man’s play thing for the night just didn’t sit well with me. My mother had always taught me to respect myself, as well as my body. I hadn’t listened to her when I was younger, but I heeded her advice now. Though a thousand dollars would remove the eviction letter from my apartment for at least a few more months, the money wasn’t worth my dignity.
The front door was in my line of vision. I sprinted over to it and unlocked all of the locks that kept me from the outside world. Once the door was finally open, I stepped through it, only to run right into a brick wall.
It wasn’t really a brick wall, but a man. One whose arms wrapped instantly around me, and pulled me close. I tried pushing him away, only he was too strong.
“You must be Janet,” he said, his voice smooth like fine wine. The face, I found, as my eyes traveled up, up, up, was just…fine. Though I couldn’t be certain, this probably was the Caesar Delany Lisa talked so highly of. He might have been extremely good looking, but I didn’t want to rip his suit off. I didn’t want anything to do with him, especially since he was the one standing between me and my freedom.
My cheeks flushed when I realized that my hands were planted on his chest.
“Sorry,” I muttered, wrenching myself out of his hold.
His hand caught mine before I could get too far away. “The picture didn’t do you any justice. Turn around so I can get a good look at you.”
There was a possessive gleam in his eyes, one that told me that he wasn’t going to let me out of his sight for the rest of the night. He was going to get his money’s worth. I just had to find a way to escape before he took me back to his hotel. He was a rather large man, not fat, but muscular. He had broad shoulders, and a hard body that probably was a result of him constantly working out. “Come on, don’t be shy,” he breathed, lifting my arm in the air, as if we were dancing. I spun around slowly, letting his eyes sweep over me.
“Lovely,” I heard him whisper. “You’re everything I imagined. Red is definitely your color.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, once I was facing him again. Being nice to people who didn’t deserve it was something that I was good at. Maybe if I played the role of willing escort, getting away won’t be so hard to do.
His finger ran gently across my cheek. “Did you know that red is my favorite color?” He leaned forward a little, so that our lips were only a few centimeters apart. I thought maybe he was going to kiss me, but then the doors on the other side of the room opened and in walked Malcolm, dressed in a black button-up shirt, and some jeans. Looking at him, I wondered how he ended up in this lifestyle. Though it was hard to picture, he was probably like me once upon a time. He probably came from the right side of the tracks, went to an expensive private school, and had parents who doted on him. His confident smirk, the gleam in his eyes screamed former rich, preppy boy. There were a lot of them at my school, so I knew what they were like.
“It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it?” Caesar asked, sticking out his hand for the Magic Man to shake. Instead of offering him his, Malcolm enveloped Caesar into a hug that threw me off for a minute.
When they broke apart, Malcolm said:
“Yes, it has been awhile. How’s life treating you, brother?”
Brother?
I looked at both men, examining each closely. I could see it now. The dark blonde hair, the devilishly handsome looks. The only thing different about the two were their eyes, and…lifestyles from the looks of it. Though I didn’t know Caesar from a can of paint, something about him screamed corporate, like he worked a legit job.
“Life has been treating me…great,” Caesar replied, looking in my direction. “Why didn’t you tell me she was even more beautiful in person?”
Malcolm’s attention was on me now. “Janet is stunning. You won’t regret your choice.”
“Caesar,” Lisa boomed, coming down the steps. She was wearing a sleek black dress that had a large slit on the side and a gold flower pinned to the front where the neckline ended. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant bun that almost made her look like one of the socialite wives whose men she bedded.
Almost.
“Lisa, it’s good to see you,” Caesar said, but something told me that he didn’t mean what he said.
“Good?” Lisa smirked. “You usually say that it’s a pleasure.” Now within reach of him, she placed her hands on his chest, and kissed him on the cheek, lingering a little longer than necessary. Malcolm didn’t seem to care about the way Lisa was kissing his brother. That was something I never understood about their relationship. She could sleep with every man in the world, but if so much as looked at another woman Lisa turned into a green eyed monster.
The doorbell rang.
“That must be my date for the night,” Lisa exclaimed, walking to the door.
“Shall we?” Caesar looked at me eyes that seemed to burn right through me.
Before I could say anything, the door opened, and I don’t why I found myself looking at Lisa’s date, but the sound of his voice as he greeted her sounded familiar. Painfully familiar. It was deep and demanding, a voice that was used to dish out orders, to command respect from everyone, even his own children.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall.
Then his eyes met mine.
“Daddy,” I breathed.

My father’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. His lips parted, but nothing came out. What could he possibly have to say to me? The fact that he was here, of all places, said more than he could ever say.

“A family reunion,” Caesar said, clapping his hands together. “Well isn’t this wonderful.”

Caesar was wrong. This was anything but wonderful. I had dreamed of this day. I had dreamed of being reunited with my parents, but not like this.

Malcolm cleared his throat. “Caesar, you should take Janet…”

“I’m not going anywhere with him,” I hissed, surprised at the fire in my voice. I could feel it coursing through my veins. I didn’t owe Malcolm or anyone else in this room a damn thing. I might have been brought here against my will, but that didn’t mean I had to stay. Just as I was getting ready to walk out the front door, Malcolm gripped me up by the arm, and pulled me into one of the back rooms.

Not once did my father say or do anything to stop him. I didn’t really expect him to. When I told him one of his lawyers had hurt me all those years ago, he didn’t even blink. He told me that maybe I was just imagining things, and that I shouldn’t make up stories to get his attention. So, like a good daughter, I buried the memories of what happened away. That night when Shontelle came to take me to that club, I told myself that I would find someone to help me forget. I thought Jamal would be that person, but he only caused me more pain. I’m tired of the men in my life causing me pain.

Malcolm’s fingernails are delving into my skin. I try to pull myself out of his grasp, but I’m no match for him. My heels might be. Lisa loaned me a pair of her stilettos, and I was thankful for that because they were my only weapon against all of Malcolm’s lean muscle. I grounded the tip of the heel into his foot, ignoring his grunts, as I kneed him in the groin.

“You little…” he growled, hands moving away from me.

“That’s for earlier, you son of a bitch.” There was something about seeing him bent over in pain that made me feel powerful. I’ve never felt the need to hurt anyone in my entire life. Fights were reserved for the inner city kids; at least that’s what my mother always said. She frowned upon unladylike behavior and turned her nose up at the girls who were from the ‘hood’ even though she didn’t grow up that differently from them.

I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I wasn’t going to let that be an excuse anymore. The next person – the next man – who decided to put their hands on me was going to regret it.

I grabbed Malcolm’s shoulders and pushed him to the ground. In him I saw Jamal. I saw my father’s lawyer. I saw my father. And the rage from so many years of being hurt exploded. Malcolm made a move to get up, but I used my anger to kick him in the side as many times as I could over and over and over again. He grunted several times but didn’t do anything. I guess he didn’t think I would fight back, and truth be told – I didn’t either.

“I knew you had some fire in you.” The sound of Caesar’s voice makes me stop. He’s leaning against the doorway, a smirk stretched across his face.

And what a striking face it is.

It’s not surprising seeing as though his brother is a devil in an angel’s body. I’m not sure if he’s cut from the same cloth yet, but he is as good-looking as Lisa said he was.

He looks down at his brother. “I bet you wish you didn’t try to start anything with her. Huh, brother?” There is a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

“Fuck off, Caesar. Unless you’re going to help me up, I don’t want to hear shit from you, alright?” Malcolm’s eyes meet mine. “Don’t think you’re going to get away with this.” He winced in pain as he gets up, first on his knees and then one leg after the other he stands. “I’m going to…”

“What are you going to do, Malcolm? If you put another hand on me, I swear to God I’ll…” I’m not sure what it is that I’ll do but I don’t really have to say anything because Caesar intervenes by stepping in the line of fire.

“Easy, beautiful. He doesn’t mean what he says. My brother is all talk and no bite. He’s a puppy. No match for a lioness like yourself.” The wink he gives me is so smooth and debonair but it doesn’t change the fact that he makes my skin crawl.

Not because he’s anything like Malcolm, but because he’s the kind of man who would pay for a woman, like she’s property, like she can be used any way he sees fit.

“Don’t think I’m still going anywhere with you. I meant what I said earlier. I’m not…”

“Janet.” My father is standing in the doorway. He looks different, older, less intimidating. The black of his hair is speckled with white. There are lines around his eyes, and he looked like he put on a few extra pounds.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” And that’s a lie because I did. I had so much to say to him, even when all he could manage to say to me was my damn name. I don’t blame him for the mistakes I made, but I do blame him for not being the one man in my life who I could trust.

We exchange wordless glances for a few seconds before I decide that I had enough. I push pass him and into the hallway, heading back to the foyer where Lisa is still standing. I don’t say anything to her on my way to the door. I don’t think I can after what she’s done to me. This – me being here – is all her fault. And I’m never going to forgive her for that.

“You’re making a big mistake,” I hear her say, but I don’t respond to her because this might be a mistake and I might not have anywhere to go and this dress might not keep me warm in this cold world, but if I knew one thing in this world it was this:

I damn sure wasn’t going to keep being a victim.

~*~

The limo arrived at the top of the hour.

The driver – a middle aged man with short graying hair sticking out from underneath his black driver’s hat, was standing by an open door, waiting for me to slide in.

“Good evening Mr. Crawford,” he greeted.

“Good evening. Please, call me Ethan. Mr. Crawford is my father.” My father would have something to say about me allowing this man to call me by my first name. Though he once washed dishes in a restaurant for five cents an hour, he respected the idea of class, and said that they existed for a reason. Hierarchy, he called it. I just thought people were people, no matter what they did for a living.

“Very well,” the man replied. “My name is Fulton and I will be your driver for the evening.”

“Thank you, Mr. Fulton,” I said, getting into the limo. As soon as the door closed, I assessed my surroundings. There was a bottle of wine sticking out of a compartment attached to the seat, classical music was playing in the background, and complimentary chocolates were set out. The sound of a window sliding down made me look up. Fulton was looking back at me, a gleam in his crinkling eyes.

“Sorry if the food and drink isn’t to your liking.”

“No, this is fine.”

Fulton nodding, rolls the partition up, and starts the car. He doesn’t say much to me throughout the ride, which gives me some time to think about what I’m going to say to my father. We see each other at the same time every year. Though he puts up a brick wall whenever I’m around, he adores Fallon almost as much as she adores him. Part of me can’t help but think that he wouldn’t come to visit if she wasn’t around. I try not to dwell on the fact that there’s tension between us, especially since he isn’t the man he used to be.

My thoughts shift for a moment as I look down at my tie. Anna kept fussing over it before I left saying it wasn’t straight enough, but it had looked fine to me. I got the feeling that she wanted me to stay with her. Looking out the window, as the car goes idle in downtown’s congested traffic, I wonder if we’ll be like the couples walking down the sidewalk, holding hands, and stealing kisses, if we’ll be happy.

I want to be happy with her. I just don’t know if I can handle being the man that she wants me to be. Her trophy husband, her wallet, and the guy she can show off to her friends. She used to be so…different.

I think back to the day we first met. Really – I can’t believe it’s been two years or at least it will be in a couple of weeks. She was working at a department store then, hiding behind a rack of pants as she cried her eyes out. Since I had inherited my mother’s sympathetic nature, I asked her if she was okay, and handed her my handkerchief. She was shocked that I even had one, we laughed about it for a few moments, and then I went on my way, not knowing that one of my business cards fell out of my pocket when I fished around for the handkerchief or that she would call me a few days later to invite me out to dinner.

We were so much fun back then. She seemed like the perfect girl for me. Funny, pretty, sweet. I ignored all of the bad things about her, thinking that maybe I was in love with her; thinking that her flaws were what enhanced my feelings towards her. Then things started to change. I don’t know when or why but they did.

Now I’m stuck trying to figure out if this is what I want, if she is what I want.

“Ethan.” I break out of my thoughts only to notice that the side door was open, and Fulton was looking in at me. “We’re here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Fulton. I must’ve been daydreaming.”

“A penny for your thoughts, sir?” he asked, as I got out.

The air is warm, humid like at any moment it’s going to start raining. I look up at the sky but it’s clear. If this wasn’t the city I bet I would be able to see the stars. My hand slips into my pocket. I produce a wallet. “For your services, Mr. Fulton.”

“I…” he started.

“No, I insist.” I hand him forty dollars which was all the money I had in my wallet, bid him a goodnight, and walk up to the hotel where the gala was being held. It was lit up like a Broadway musical; people dressed to the nines were standing outside making friendly conversation.

A few people smiled at me as I walked by. Though I didn’t like it – everyone knew who I was. Crawford was a big name in the business world. Besides there was no denying that I was my father’s son, especially since people were always telling me that I looked like a younger version of him.

“Ethan.” Speak of the devil. My father was all smiles as he stood next to a rather tall woman with strawberry blonde hair that was pinned back into an elaborate bun. She looked young from a distance but as I approached her and my father she looked like she had one face lift too many.

“Mrs. Hawthorne, please, let me introduce you to my son, Ethan. Ethan this is Deidre Hawthorne. You might recognize…”

“The name,” I cut in. “Hawthorne Lexington, one of the best law firms in the city besides my own.” I say the last part with a smile. Mrs. Hawthorne returns it, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I’ve never met her but I’m assuming that Nelson Hawthorne is her husband. He’s not really a bad guy but his son Micah is a man who reminds me of the man my father used to be. Now that he is sitting in his father’s chair he is trying his best to steal all my clientele, he has even went so far as to recruit some of my associates, as if they would work for someone like him.

The man in question appears, suddenly, a leggy brunette on his arm.
He gives me a curt nod, and his date looks at me longer than necessary. I shake my head, wondering what I’m doing here. My father doesn’t need me. He has Mrs. Hawthorne and her son to keep him company.

“Deidre was just telling me about your recent merger, Micah. Congratulations. You’re really doing well for someone so young. Ambition is a great quality to have, isn’t it, Ethan?”

I nod. “Yes, it is father. Now if you'll excuse me.” As I turned to walk away, I ignored my father’s look of disapproval. There are only two instances when he wants me around. One if is he wants to brag about my accomplishments to other people, and act like he is someone to thank for my success. The other is so that other people can brag about their achievements, so that I can figure out what I have been doing wrong and learn from my mistakes. Even though my father brags about me to other people, he isn’t necessarily proud of me.

“I’ll see you inside, son.”

There are more people inside the hotel. Everyone looks like money, which is the norm for events like these. Chandeliers lit, waiters walking around with trays of champagne. The organization that was holding the fundraiser really went all out.

A hand fell on my shoulder. “Crawfish, my man!” I recognized the voice almost immediately. Nathan Williams. He was my roommate in college all four years and we almost went to the same law school but he fell in love with a girl and moved out of the country to work for her father.

“It’s been years,” he said, pulling me into a hug. He was short and stocky, just like he had been in our undergraduate years. Not much about him has changed except he has less hair than I remembered and he’s wearing a wedding band instead of that class ring he never took off.

“Well if you didn’t fall off the face of the earth,” I replied, chuckling.
“England is not too far away. It’s about a ten minute subway ride from Manhattan.”

I pulled him into a firm hug and then pulled away. “I see you’re still bad at estimating how long it takes to get somewhere.”

“I see you’re still single. Didn’t I tell you becoming a lawyer would make a you a single man forever?”

I smirked. “How do you know I’m a lawyer? I could be an accountant for all you know.”

“In a suit like that? What is that…Armani? No accountant I know can afford to wear Italian.”

I shook my head. “Where’s Tandi? Either you’re married to her or she was smart enough to leave you for someone better.” I smiled at him, to let him know I was joking.

He returned the smile and it felt just like old times.

His eyes brightened. “There goes my lovely wife.” I wish I could take a picture of the way he looked right now. It was the same look I used to see on my father’s face when he looked at my mother. It was the same one I hoped would be on my face whenever I looked at the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.

I turned to find Nthanda walking towards us. She was wearing an emerald green dress that complemented her rich dark skin. She hadn’t aged a day. She was still the girl that Nathan got tongue-tied over back in undergrads. The only thing different was her stomach. It was round and full.

Her hand was pressed against the bump, as if she wanted to keep the growing baby from falling out as she walked.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

She grinned. “I could say the same to you.”

I gestured towards her stomach. “I guess a congratulations are in order. It looks like you might be having a girl.” The last part slipped out. It was just something I remembered someone telling me once. If the baby is sittin’ high, best believe it’s going to be a girl. I didn’t know if I believed that until I learned that Fallon was a girl.

Tandi’s eyes widened. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“I’ll bet. You didn’t tell him we were having a girl did you, Nate?”

“No, my love.”

“I have a daughter of my own,” I chimed in. Another thing I shouldn’t have let slip. I would always be proud to be a father but when I told people that I was they always asked about her mother and she was someone I wasn’t ready to talk about with anyone.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Crawfish is a daddy.”

Tandi rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you still call him that.”

Nathan ignored his wife’s comment. “So where’s your…”

“Ethan?”

The voice that sounded behind me almost made my heart stop. I didn’t believe in fate but there had to be a reason why we kept running into each other. I turned my head and my heart nearly went into cardiac arrest at what I saw.

Janet was standing there in a red dress that accentuated every curve of her body. Her hair was pulled up in an intricate style that complimented her heart-shaped face. Her makeup was minimal and I was glad because she had the type of beauty that didn’t need to be covered with lipsticks and powders. I hadn’t noticed it before but she was indeed beautiful.

Anna told me to stay away from but there was something about her that drew me to her; something about her that I couldn’t force myself to avoid.