"So... why do you think you need to do this?" Alexa leans over the counter with her mug of coffee to get a better view of the laptop screen.

"My willpower is practically non-existent. This could help me break bad habits and change my life." I've been battling my fluctuating weight for years.

"But you're not fat," Alexa looks at me with a serious and confused stare. "You got a good body on you girl. I'd kill for hips like that." Alexa has always been a stick with an appetite and I've always envied her for it.

Running my hands over my wide hips. Hips that have brought me nothing but harsh comments from my peers all through school.

Camp Outlook is a co-ed weight loss camp for people 13-19 years old. I've had my eye on it since I was 15 but couldn't afford the outrageous cost. But I'm 18 now, an actual adult and this was my last chance to get into Camp Outlook. I've been saving all year and 19 is the age cut off, so it's now or never.

"Personally I think you should put that money towards college but I can see this is important to you so I'll support whatever you do."

"You're the best." Alexa has never let me down in the 5 years I've known her. "Help me pack?"

***

The camp is huge. Land for miles and there are cabins scattered everywhere. So many campers of all different sizes that this place actually looks like a regular camp to an unknowing person.

"Campers, check the boards to see where you'll be bunking." The loudspeaker blares instructions. The various boards are hanging on buildings, poles, and any other place able to hold it so I don't have to fight my way to get to one.

Cabin #12: Bunk leader Tobias

Chole Anez, Rosie Appel, Denise Friberg, Joss Messer, Abbey Sieder, Jenifer Williams

The cabin is on the other side of the camp closer to the lake. I set off lugging 2 suitcases and backpack 2 miles to get there while having a look around. Swimming pool, horses, archery, not really interested in any of those things but what the hell, I'm an adult now so it's time for reinvention. I could come out of here as some sort of badass horse taming archer... that swims. Anything could happen.

At the cabin a guy is sitting on the cabin steps flipping through a clipboard.

"You must be in my cabin," he stands to greet me. He's handsome in a weird indie kind of way with a deep voice that doesn't fit his face. I like him already.

"So you're the bunk leader Tobias?" I set my luggage in the dirt and flex my finger. I must have been gripping the luggage too tight.

"Yes ma'am and wait I can guess which one you are," His eyes shift from my face to the clipboard and back to my face. "Help me out here," he laughs and wow his smile is pretty.

"Joss,"

"I was gonna say Rosie. You look more like a Rosie."

"Somebody call me name?" A short, dark brown, curvy brunette pops up from behind the cabin. "Am I late?"

"Right on time. I'm Tobias and this is Joss." Rosie, who clearly doesn't care about boundaries hugs us both at the same time. Tobias looks at me panicked and I just shrug because I don't know what the hell is going on either.

By the time she lets go a crowd of other bunkers has gathered around.

"We don't have to hug do we?" A girl asks.

"No, not required. Not even suggested." Tobias brushes off his already clean clothes and puts a little distance between him and us girls.

"Sorry, I get excited." Rosie waves. I'll admit she's adorable.

"Ladies. My name is Tobias but everyone calls me Obie and I will be your bunk leader. I am also the Camp nutritionist, Lifeguard, and hiking instructor. Although my time is spread a bit thin I assure you Bunk Leader is my most important position and I take it very seriously. If you need me do not hesitate, I will drop everything." Tobias looks around the cabin at his new charges. "Roll call," his clip board reads that he should have 6 girls in this cabin and everyone is accounted for. "I'll give you all a minute to get to know one another. When I come back I'll be giving you a tour." He waves and walks off towards a circle of other bunk leaders.

"Whoa Tobias is hot,"

"It's Obie, remember."

"Oh, I won't forget."

"Should we go around and introduce ourselves?"

"Do we have to?" Says the girl who also objected to hugs.

"I'm Chloe," she's tall, olive toned, and slim with broad shoulders and a pixie cut. "I'm 17 and I play guitar in a band." She smiles and waves at everyone, she seems really sweet.

Everyone faces the next girl.

"I'm Jenifer," she flatly says. So all I know about Jenifer is she doesn't like hugs and I don't think she likes people. She's light skin with a curly bun atop her head and fresh Nikes that will no doubt still be fresh when camp ends because if they're not I'm sure she'll take a life.

"I'm Rosie and don't worry Jenifer, I'll make sure you like it here." She winks at her and Jen smiles a little.

"Denise. And I can't be the only one here who thinks our bunk leader is hot as hell." Denise is average. That's really the only way I can put it. She's white, brown hair, average weight, wearing average clothes.

"I'm Abbey. It's nice to meet you all." Abbey is pretty which is weird because her and Denise don't look that much different. Same skin, hair, weight, but something about Abbey is really beautiful compared to Denise.

"Hey I'm Joss, I hope this summer goes by quickly." If I had the power to blink and start my new life, I would.

"Should we say why we're here?" Chloe asks.

"Don't you think that's personal?" Jen is right. I'd prefer if we didn't.

Tobias is making his way back to the cabin and Denise is making weird gestures. I can tell she's going to make him uncomfortable. "Ready for a tour ladies?"

"Ladies, this here is the camp clinic. You get to meet with me twice a week, one on one then as a group to discuss nutrition. Doesn't that sound exciting?" Some of the ladies grumbled no. "No? I'll have you know I make nutrition very exciting. Give it a chance."

"Here we have the pool, where I'll be guarding your lives so it's in your best interest to get on my good side unless you want to drown." A few of the girls laughed and rolled their eyes. I like watching him as he enthusiastically talks about all the water activities available. He just seems so excited to get us doing these things.

"There are hiking trails all over this place. You can go at any time as long as you don't go alone. Always bring a hiking instructor, it could be me or one of the dozen others but never alone. So how many here like hiking?" Abbey raises her hand. "Good looks like we'll be hiking buddies." Abbey smiles sheepishly. "Ok, on to the dining hall so you can meet the rest of the crew."

Gathered at the dining hall the camp director welcomed us all.

"So here at Camp Outlook things run a bit differently. Your days are mostly planned by your bunk leaders. We do camp wide activities as well but most of your fun will be had amongst your bunkmates and possibly the surrounding cabins. So now I'm going to let the staff introduce themselves so you can get to know them a little better."

"My name is Joshua. I'm 20 years old and I was actually a camper here when I was 16. This is my first year as a counselor and I'm really excited. I'm a hiking instructor and lifeguard. Don't be afraid to approach me for anything I'm here to help, especially if you are drowning." Joshua was a tall, thin man working on a 5 o'clock shadow. He had a big genuine smile and seemed eager to please.

"I'm Kristen. I'm 24 and this is my third year here. I teach horseback riding and I'm one of the camp nurses. The nurses' station is located right off the dining hall so you have no excuse to not stop by and say hello." Kristen is perky with dark hair and a close lipped smile.

"Hey guys I'm Tobias," he waltzes to the front of the room.

"But we can call you Obie!" Denise from our bunk yells and Tobias laughs and winks at her. Denise practically swoons.

"Yes you can call me Obie. I'm 22 years old and this is my second year here. I am the camp nutritionist so it's kinda important that you know me. You'll all be seeing me once a week and if you're in my bunk it will be twice a week. I'm also a lifeguard and hiking instructor. We'll all be seeing a lot of each other this summer so I hope we can have a comfortable relationship. I really look forward to fun summer with you all." As the rest of the counselors introduced themselves I zoned out and focused on Tobias. He strolled back to the rest of the staff smiling and laughing amongst themselves.

As the evening winds down we're allowed to wander and make ourselves at home. There's a creek behind our bunk with a hammock someone has set up, I seclude myself there. My bunkmates are interesting, my bunk leader is hot, and it sounds like this could be the summer that changes my life.

Tobias has decided that we're all going for a run this morning.

I hate running.

I can only think of 3 reasons to run:

1. Zombie apocalypse

2. Serial killer

3. Free money

But since all of these things are fiction, I see no reason to ever run.

So I'm at the back of the pack, the way way back. Rosie is keeping me company, not because she's slow or anything she just likes talking to me. Which is fine, I like her voice.

"There's going to be a race at the end of the summer," she says through ragged breaths. "One person from each cabin competes. Winner gets $1000 shopping spree and the bunkmates get a $500 spree."

"So who's volunteering from our cabin?"

"Tobias picks,"

"My money is on Denise. She's fast," she's up front jogging right alongside Tobias. I need this to be over. My heart is about to burst and my legs are on fire. If this is going to turn into an everyday thing I might need to call home. Reconsider this whole thing.

When it's finally over everyone runs to the showers. Well, not everyone. Most of us stumble our way there. This is harder than I thought it would be. Everyone seems to be at a higher fitness level than me and its embarrassing being the slowest of the slow.

"Anyone up for a swim?" Chloe asks as we all silently settle back into our bunks. Normally after working out I'd still have that adrenaline coursing through me. There's no spare adrenaline, I want a nap and it doesn't look like I'm the only one. Jennifer is already snoring but Abbie perks up and changes into her swimsuit.

I doze off for what feels like a half hour but actually turns out to be 3 hrs. I missed lunch.

Groaning I roll out of bed and hit my head on the top bunk. These bunk beds are gonna get old very quickly. The cabin is empty so I step outside to see where everyone is.

"Look who's up," Jennifer's unnecessary statement brings attention to me.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Digging a fire pit. Camp director said it was all good." Rosie struggles getting the shovel through the hard dirt.

"Shoulda woke me up," I could have helped.

"You looked done for, I couldn't bear to wake you." She just shrugged and kept digging. I picked up a shovel without being asked. Looking around I notice another cabin is in on this. A boys cabin of 5. One of them is loud, kind of obnoxious. The rest look scared. I can't tell if they're scared of us or scared of hard work.

I almost want to grab them and tell them to pick up a shovel. Be men damn it.  I roll my eyes and keep working. It'll be nice to have a semi private fire pit so close to the cabin.

***

Tobias is taking us out.

Sunset hike he calls it. It's slow and leisurely so it's actually enjoyable.

"There's so much nature I think I'm going to puke." The wilderness is literally everywhere, no escaping it. Tobias has taken us out on a hike to get to know the grounds better even though absolutely no one asked for it. At least with the run this morning we weren't in the woods. This has a whole different feel to it.

 Jennifer mentioned she didn't like hiking but Tobias had taken her by the hand and poked out his lips and just like that she agreed to go. Of course now she was miserable. "Does the nurses' station have Zyrtec or Benadryl?"

"You're allergic to the outdoors?" Tobias easily climbs over rocks and shrubbery leading further into the woods with us tagging behind.

"Well, grass, ragweed, pollen, trees, so yeah basically nature in general has it out for me." Jen is already looking pretty bad.

"How long can you last before you turn all red and start scratching?"

"It's not that kind of reaction. I sneeze and my eyes start watering and itching."

"How long till that?"

"It's already started!" Jennifer rubs her eyes and groans.

"Come one everyone we're heading back. And Jennifer is never allowed in the wilderness again."

"Is that all it takes? My eyes itch too!" Chloe yells.

"Nice try," Tobias leads Jen by her arm as they make their way out of the woods and to the nurses' station.

"It's only day 2 Obie, you're already bringing me kids?" Kristen punches his shoulder.

"This wasn't my fault I swear. She's got seasonal allergies or something." Tobias sets her down on the bed and heads to the fridge as Kristen questions Jennifer.

"Here," Tobias hands her an ice pack.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Jen mumbles.

"I don't know it's an ice pack, it fixes things."

"Oddly enough he's right. Take one of these," she hands her a small Benadryl tablet, "and put the ice pack over your eyes. It will help with the itching until the meds kick in."

"Told you," Tobias says smugly. "So who's up for finishing that hike?" No one apparently. Personally I would like to, but I don't want to be the only one.

"You ladies coming for some horseback lessons tomorrow?" Only two raise their hands. I'm not one of those two.

***

"So have you been enjoying yourself here at Camp Outlook?" Three days into camp and I'm at my first one on one meeting with Tobias. It's a bit awkward being alone with him. He's so cute and I just... sigh. Let's get this over with.

"Yes. It's nice," I shrug and hope he's going to keep the conversation moving.

"What are you hoping to accomplish here?"

"I want to lose 30lbs," more if I can.

"Wow, you sure about that number Joss?"

"40 lbs?" He just chuckled. Can this be over now?

"Less Joss, much less. I really don't even think you need to lose any. Now if you just want to change your eating habits and live a more active lifestyle I can help you there."

"I want to lose weight." That's the purpose for coming here. If he's going to help me he needs to stop sugar coating it and just fucking say it.

"Joss, listen to me. Some people are just built different. Sure you could lose weight but you will still have those curves." I felt Tobias eyes scan my body and horrible feeling of shame came over me. "Joss I think you're comparing your body to other women and that's unhealthy. You need to strive for a weight that's healthy for you and I'm not talking about BMI's. I mean a weight where you feel comfortable and confident."

"I thought you were the nutritionist not the therapist," I spit out annoyed. He's supposed to help me accomplish my goals but right now I feel like he's telling me to just give up, it's impossible. So why the hell am I here if I'm not going to get the tools to change my life?

Tobias laughs loudly. "You're right. But I try to give out some sound advice occasionally. Joss the scale may say you're over weight but you look just right to me. Your body looks proportionate and the curves you have... let's just say they turn heads in a good way." He shrugs and pulls out a binder with my name on it. "So let's talk about your eating habits."

The session was grueling. We talked about proper foods and what I wanted to learn here. I was so uncomfortable I just wanted it to be over. I gave him short answers and refused eye contact. I have to do this shit twice a week.

When I stomped my way back to my cabin I was lucky enough to find it empty. I had to stop myself from taking out my phone and calling Alexa. I didn't want her to know that I wanted to bow out this early. I can do this. I want to openly discuss my weight with Tobias because he's a professional and as a professional he shouldn't be judging me. But I feel it. I feel the judgment in the way he looks at me. Like I'm a lost cause. How am I supposed to ignore that?

There's a giant welcome bonfire tonight in the center of the camp and all the cabins will be attending. As night approaches the people roll in and I'm seeing some of these people for the first time. I guess I didn't realize how big the camp was. A few people have guitars, some drums. There's food and drinks out and it looks like it's going to be a good night. The logs are filling up with people so a grab a seat before I'm stuck on the ground. And guess who just happens to sit next me. Tobias of all people. I'm still unhappy about earlier, I can't shake the inadequacy I feel around him. So I'm moving. Rosie is across the fire and has an empty spot next to her that's calling my name.

When I sit next to her she hugs me. Normally I would set some boundaries with someone like her, tell her to stop with all the touching. But she's so sweet. Her hugs feel genuine and I kind of like them. I kind of need them. I can see Tobias through the flames of the bonfire, he's staring. I avert my eyes but I can still feel him there burning a hole into the side of my face.

People are all over the place, trying to get comfortable. A guy starts talking before everyone's seated. Looks like we're doing ghost stories tonight. I love a good ghost story. Just as the ghost is about to murder the dumb kids trespassing my curiosity gets the best of me when I no longer feel eyes on me. Across the fire he's gone. But the joy is short lived when I feel a new heat next to me. I'm not even going to bother to look, I know it's him.

"Ladies," his deep voice rumbles way too close to me.

"Hey Obie, ready for some scary stories?"

"Shouldn't you be with the other counselors?" I ask before he can answer Rosie's question.

"Nope. I'm here with my bunk, right where I belong." I sigh softly not wanting to be rude but not mature enough to suck it up. I wanted to enjoy this calm night. Now I'm so tense I'm probably about to bust a blood vessel.

I can feel his body heat next to me and his arm nudging to get comfortable.

"Scared?" His loose hair skirts my shoulder. I of course stay silent.

I leave in the middle of the second story. Just to breathe. To get away from the crowd... and Tobias, who insists on sitting way too close. No one notices me leave the crowd.

Behind the dining hall is surprisingly empty. I slip back there without being seen and gulp down the rest of my lemonade.

"Are you avoiding me?" Fuck. I almost jump out of my skin and choke on my drink. So much for not being seen. I take a deep breath before I face him.

"No," I lie easily.

"You're upset with me?" He's moving closer now crowding my personal space.

"No," I shake my head unconvincingly.

"Then what is it? You're not the same girl I met the first day. What's going on?"

"I didn't like our session." Being honest is the only way I'm going to make it through the entire summer.

"What was wrong with it?" His perplexed look is cute.

"You acted like you don't want to help me." I feel like my goals aren't a concern to him.

"What? How so?" Tobias looks insulted, rightfully so. I basically just said he can't do his job.

"You dismissed my concerns. It's so... I don't know. I just don't like it."

"I never want you to feel like I don't want to help. I never want you to think I'm dismissing your feelings because that's not the case at all. I'm so sorry for that. I just want you to set realistic goals." There he goes again.

"See! This is what I'm talking about. It's not realistic for me to lose weight?" I cross my arms and bite my tongue to hold in all the things I could and should say to him.

"You misunderstand. The amount that you want to lose is unhealthy for you. Have you seen a therapist or psychologist?"

"Now I'm crazy?" I mumble to the ground. I swear Tobias just loves digging holes.

"Joss I think you see your body differently than the rest of us," he sighs softly and runs his hand through his hair.

"I don't have body dysmorphic disorder. I know what I look like." Tobias is visibly flustered at this point. Probably feels like he's talking to the wall.

"You're killing me here. My only job is to help. That's all I want to do." There's a hint of desperation in his voice that kind of gets to me. He sighs like he's given up. "I can help you lose the weight. But you really need to do it under my supervision, so it's done in a healthy manner. Can we work together on that?" Tobias has gotten close enough to rub my arm I try to back up only to be stopped by the brick wall.

"I guess," what else can I say? I'm actually having a hard time thinking with him so close.

"Good. We'll start fresh, yeah?" His hand is still rubbing my arm and he notices about the same time I start to really appreciate it. He pulls away and ducks his head.

"Ok." I shrug and shimmy from between the wall in his body. I speed walk back to the bonfire without looking back at him. I hope I don't look too flustered. No one has ever had a crush on me before (that I know of) and I've never had a boyfriend but I'm not dumb. That felt like flirting. Was it genuine flirting? I'm not sure. I don't know if he realizes what he's doing, hell maybe he does it to everyone.

When Tobias comes back to the fire he sits next to Abbey so I guess that answers my question. Or I'm thinking too much into this. 

Its been a draining first week. I feel like I've done so much. Hiking, horseback riding, not to mention all the social crap. I'm not much of a social butterfly so all the interaction wears me out. But I'm enjoying myself.

"Hey you looking for a hiking buddy?" I hear Tobias shout from behind me. This was meant to be a reflection walk, me time.

"Oh no, I'm not going in the woods. Just walking around nearby," he jogs to catch up to me.

"Well would you like a walking buddy?" He's insistent.

"Sure," I obviously don't have a choice.

"Were you with Kristen yesterday? I didn't see you around." He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks alongside me. I can feel him looking at me so I keep my eyes to the ground.

Was he looking for me?

"Yeah I went horseback riding." Well I don't know if I'd call it horseback riding for real since I had someone walking the animal for me. But whatever, horseback riding.

I think it's something I could get good at over the next few months.

"The horses treat you right?" He nudges me with his shoulder.

"They will by the end of the summer," I mumble with a smile. He's doing that thing again were he's being adorable and giving me attention. Something he should stop doing unless he wants me to think certain things that will never be.

"I noticed you keep missing the swim test." My smile drops. All week campers have been taking swim tests and I've been sneaking off to avoid it. I didn't think anyone was paying attention. "You can't avoid it forever." He stops walking and leans against a tree, forcing me to stop too. I find my own tree across from his to lean on.

"Yes I can" What if I just stay away from the pool and the lake, far, far away.

"It's required. Even if you don't plan on ever swimming while you're here. We need to know your skill level in case of an incident."

"I don't want to." I've never in my life been comfortable in a swim suit. And even though I'm here with people just like me, my confidence isn't up enough to put one on yet.

"Can I ask why?" He pushes his body away from his tree and closer to me.

"No," I've been told crossing your arms is a defensive stance and immediately take it.

"How about this, on Saturday the entire camp is going to the farmers market a few miles up the road. It'll just be me and you, would you take it then?" So long as there's another person around I don't want to be seen in a bathing suit.

"I really don't want to." REALLY don't want to.

"I wasn't the only one who noticed Joss. If you don't take the test with me then it'll be someone else and they won't make special arrangements for you."

"Fine," I huff. Because when it comes down to it, I would rather the embarrassment be just between me and Tobias instead of the entire camp.

"Saturday morning, 8 o'clock."

When 8 o'clock rolls around I'm a nervous wreck. Alexa forced me to buy this suit, if it were up to me I wouldn't even own a swimsuit. It doesn't even seem to fit right and Tobias is already knocking on the cabin door.

"Gimme a second" I tug at the suit trying to stop it from riding up my ass. No luck.

"We don't have all day" I just roll my eyes because technically we do since the rest of the camp will be gone till 4. Giving up because this look is the best I'm going to get, I finally open the door.

Tobias is as beautiful as always. Flawless skin with hair leading past his waistband. His hair is pulled up on top of his head and his smirk is devilish. His body is perfect. No spare fat anywhere. Just lean muscle.

When I see the way he's looking at my body, thighs touching, bare torso, breasts sitting snug, I hold my towel to my chest and push past his scrutiny.

"Let's get this over with."

The walk to the pool is about 6 minutes from the cabin. Tobias stays 2 feet behind me the entire time. I would speed walk it but I don't want anything to jiggle.

When we get to the pool Tobias jumps in before I've even dropped my towel. He's underwater and now is the perfect time to get in without his wandering eyes.

The water is cold. Freezing actually.

"Swim," Tobias says once he's come up for air. I start in the 6ft area and freestyle my way to the 12ft area with ease. I easily demonstrate that the water is no match for me and if someone were to push me in I'd have no problem getting out.

"See? No problems here," I swim to the side and try to reach for my towel without getting out of the water.

"Hey we're not done," he swims up behind me and takes the towel from my hand, tossing it further from the pool. If I wasn't so upset I'd enjoy the feel of him on my back.

"I thought I just had to prove I could swim. I did that, now I'm done." I can't believe he tossed it. How the hell am I supposed to get out of here?

"I still need to see your backstroke and a dive."

"Is this really necessary?" Tobias swims to the other side of the pool and holds up a clipboard.

"This is a checklist that all campers have to complete. See all these empty boxes, these are the things you still have to do for me."

"Are you kidding?"

"I won't make you dive. I can see you're uncomfortable so I won't make you do anything that involves getting out of the pool. But I need to see you float on your back and I need to see a backstroke."

The idea of floating on my back for him makes me cringe.

"I can swim Obie. Please don't make me." I'm not above begging. He swims up to me and I can't make eye contact. He takes my chin and makes me look at him.

"Joss it takes minutes. It'll be over before you know it"

If I close my eyes and pretend no one is here maybe I can get through this unscathed.

I take a deep breath and glide towards the middle of the pool.  With my eyes closed I let myself fall back gently as I push my stomach out. I float.

The water is a gentle wave around me and Tobias has his hands under my back. I keep my focus on staying above water. I ignore the light touch of his fingertips and the heat of his body next to mine.

"Good, now hold it." I can feel his eyes roaming my entire body and I want nothing more than to cover myself and hide. "Little longer." I could float for days, that's not the problem.

His presence is the problem.

Enough. He gets the point. My feet sink to the floor of the pool and I'm making a beeline for the edge.

"Hey, hey. I didn't say stop."

"I can obviously swim" I've had enough embarrassment for the day, please end this.

"I know. But I liked watching you prove it,"

What?

What??

"What?" I finally vocalize because I need him to clarify right now.

"I thought I'd made it obvious."

"Made what obvious?"

"Joss you're," his mouth is moving but he's trying to figure out what words should be coming out. "I really like you. I think you're beautiful and I want to help you agree with me."

I have no idea what that even means.

Luckily for me I don't have to respond because we can hear the buses returning.

I dodged a bullet yesterday.

I jumped out the pool and was wrapped in my towel before the bus had come to a complete stop. I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life.

I never responded to him, I just got out of there as fast as possible.

Rosie woke me up this morning, something about getting to know her bunkmate better. So she makes me sneak in the country club across the lake. That's how she gets to know people apparently.

It's ridiculously hot. So hot the bugs aren't even out.

But the country club has air conditioning blasting so hard you can feel it soon as you set foot on their property. So I guess I'm here for this.

"We're not supposed to be here," I look around at all the rich people in Polos. "They're going to notice we don't belong."

"Look, I will play ‘the help' for a few hours if it means I get to taste that AC." Rosie pulls me through the kitchen entrance and tosses me a Denver Polo and an apron. "Put this on and let's go find a corner to hide in."

The freezer is wide open so we slip inside. "I know they have ice cream in here somewhere," Rosie digs around the freezer before sounds of success leave her mouth. "Gelato, even better." I poke my head out of the freezer to find spoons. So we're in a freezer, eating gelato, and I just know this is going to be my fondest memory of the summer. This freezer feels so good compared to outside, I could live here.

"What's up with you and Obie?" Rosie wriggles her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"You two have a thing, like... I dunno, just a thing. At least from what I've seen." Tobias needs a lesson is subtly.

"We don't have a thing. He's just really nice," then again, I didn't notice it.

"No he's different with you. He talks to you differently from everyone else. If I can see it then trust me it's plain as day."

"He's just trying to make up for a bad session we had. He made me feel like shit and he's been trying to win me back over ever since."

"It's more than that." I'm going to tell her the truth once I figure out what the hell the truth is.

"You think so?"

"Yep, he's definitely showing you some extra attention."

"So you and Jen?" Rosie and Jen haven't exactly been a secret but it hasn't been officially addressed.

"I like her." Not gonna lie, I saw this coming day 1. Opposites really do attract.

"She's uh... not exactly a happy person."

"That's a façade. She's not like that when she's with me."

"What's she like with you?"

"Nasty," then the laughter gives us away.

We had a good 15 minutes of refreshing freezer burn before the employee comes in.

"Who the hell are you guys?" Busted.

"Uh, we're new," Rosie shrugs. "Heard you were short staffed." Rosie isn't a good liar.

"Dave!" He shouts and trudges out the kitchen.

"He's going to snitch, we better go." Of course before we get anywhere a big guy with an ill-fitting polo has us by the wrists. I'm betting his name is Dave.

"Let me guess? Escapees from Camp Outlook?" We look at each other and say nothing. "Who's your bunk leader?"

Silence.

"Guess I'll just call the camp director then,"

"No! It's Tobias," I hang my head in shame for being the one to crack. But come on, who would you rather get yelled at by?

It's a long and awkward 20 minute wait in the club kitchen before Tobias shows up.

We all walk out silently. Tobias doesn't even say anything until we reach the tree line of the camp.

"Are you two ok?"

"Yes," we say in unison.

"You gonna tell me why you were over there?" He doesn't sound angry or anything, just curious.

"Air conditioning," Rosie simply says.

"That's valid," he simply says. He glances at me and smiles that adorable lazy smile. Rosie pinches me in my side. "I'm supposed to punish you guys, sooo... I don't know. Just hide out in the cabin until tonight?"

We just nod. We left camp grounds so that's quite lenient.

"That could have gone worse," Rosie huffs and drops to her bed.

"I know."

"So what are you going to do about Tobias?"

"What do you mean?"

"He seems like the kind of guy to let things be known. Not very good at hiding if you know what I mean. I assume he doesn't just flirt." Fucking Rosie man. She knew all along.

"What do you think I should do about it?"

"Go for it. Easy as that. He's hot, I don't know why this is even a question."

"I've never had a boyfriend," I confess. "Not that he'd be my boyfriend or anything. I just don't have experience with any of that." I wouldn't know what to do with a guy if I had one. Let alone someone like him.

"I'm sure he does," Rosie winks. "And from the looks of it he won't mind showing you a thing or two." The blush that creeps up on me is hard to hide.

By sunset we feel we've been punished enough and slink out of the cabin.

The counselors get tonight off so they have an intense volleyball match going. I mean full on grunts and yells, it's serious. The campers have gathered around to watch and cheer for their bunk leaders. I noticed Joshua sitting on a bench away from the crowd so I figured now was the perfect time to ask him what I had been wondering since he introduced himself.

"Joshua right?" I sit down without invitation.

"Yep, Joss?" I don't ask how he knows. I assume it's a camp counselor summer power.

"How did you do it? How'd you change your whole life?" He was once like me, overweight and unhappy.

"Hard work and determination." The standard speech and the answer I was expecting.

"The way you carry yourself, all the confidence in the world. I want that." I want to be comfortable as me. I don't want to worry about how I look in clothes or how people see me.

"You don't have to be thin for that. I had almost the same amount of confidence then that I do now."

"How is that possible?" Unheard of.

"You have to believe you're the shit now, not after you change yourself."

"I don't get it."

"If you're unhappy fat, you'll still be unhappy skinny. Being thin doesn't fix everything. There's always an underlying problem." Apparently everyone here is a low-key therapist spouting words of wisdom.

Joshua has reached where I aspire to be.

"So why aren't you out there playing?" Because in my mind, fit people play volleyball.

Tobias is playing hard. I can see the sweat from here, the guy is glistening and I'm probably drooling.

"Nobody can beat that guy and I generally suck at volleyball."

So lunches here have been interesting. It's only during this time do you really see the problems all the campers have. Some don't eat, some eat too much, and some don't eat the right things. I'm pretty sure everyone is on their own special diet thanks to Tobias and it looks like most people are sticking to it.

"Tobias is gonna be really disappointed if I don't eat this," Denise pushes her broccoli around with her fork. The few times I've eaten lunch at the same table as her I've seen her struggle with good choices.

"I'm going to say something and I don't want you to get upset or take it the wrong way," because I've noticed this for the past 3 days and someone should say something.

"Ok..."

"You seem to mention Tobias a lot when it comes to meals. Like, you take his feelings into consideration regarding your health," I sigh. "What I'm trying to say is, don't get healthy for Tobias. Get healthy for you." She

"I'm not doing it for him. I just want him to be proud of me." Right... but it feels like something else.

"Right. But you get what I I'm saying? He's not going to follow you out of this camp." If I've learned anything my whole life, it's don't do shit for other people, do it for you because you can't be sure who's gonna be there in the long run.

"I know. I just don't have the motivation and for now he's doing it for me." I guess that's a good reason?

"I get it. Do whatever it takes just don't depend on someone other than yourself."

***

I've never been good at seeing the positives. Rosie says it's a good thing Tobias is interested in me but of course all I can think about is how he probably thinks I'm something I'm not. He probably has this idea of me that I can't live up to.

I haven't even kissed a guy yet.

I've never had a guy wrap his arms around me for fear they might feel my fat.

In fact I haven't had any contact with any guy, ever.

These facts are embarrassing. I'm technically an adult and I have zero experience with anything.

I could just tell him. He makes confessions look really easy.

"Shouldn't be walking the trails alone," a deep voice whispers behind me.

"Jesus, you scared the hell outta me!"

"Sorry, I thought you saw me coming." He strolls beside me at a leisurely pace. If I had seen him coming I probably would have sped up.

"No," I didn't even hear a leaf crunch. This guy is a ninja I swear.

"You never gave me an answer," He needs to stop interrupting my walks.

"You didn't ask a question," I counter. I wasn't exactly ready to deal with this yet. I thought I had more time.

"I asked for permission."

"Permission to what?" We're hidden deep in the trees and he takes to opportunity to be close.

His proximity has my heart racing. Everything in me is screaming ‘too close, too close' in a way that produces a sheen on my skin.

Tobias doesn't let me think about what he's going to do, probably because I would have chickened out. He just does it.

And I have to say, I'm grateful. Because if I had chickened out on this, I'd never forgive myself.

Anyone else would say it was a soft kiss, barely there. But for me it felt like fireworks. I felt the heat of his breath and the softness of his lips, it was like nothing I've ever felt.

I get why people do this so much. I don't want to stop.

As he pulls away my body leans forward not quite ready to let this end. When we part my eyes are still closed and I've forgotten where I am. I'm disoriented but alert enough to take note of his face. His eyes are hooded and glazed over, quite frankly it's a relief he's as effected as I am and he's smiling.

"Ok," I nod my head. Ok to whatever he wanted from me. I'm down for it. He kisses me again just a quick peck that's over before my eyes can close. He removes his hands from my waist and I guess it's a good thing I didn't know they were there because they would have stopped me from enjoying his kiss.

He's still smiling and I would do anything to get in his brain and figure this guy out.

"I'll see you later?" He asks innocently and I just nod. Tobias looks me over one last time and I feel like I just sealed some sort of deal. When he leaves I slide down the nearest tree and breathe. I just had my first kiss in the woods. This is not how I expected my summer to be. 

I tell Rosie everything. She quickly became my best friend at the camp and there was no way I was leaving her out of the loop on this.

"Swear?"

"It happened," I shrug. "I don't know what to do."

"Take advantage! Girl he is offering you things, things you should accept." Rosie wags her eyebrows. "Come on, I'm going to teach you to flirt."

"Teach me?" I thought flirting came naturally to people. Either you got it or you don't. I don't.

"Anyone can do it. Let's see your sexy smirk." I try to emulate smirks I'd seen on television. "Oh dear god no. It's more about the eyes than the mouth. You have to look innocent and corruptible but also sexy at the same time."

"That's not possible." Rosie looks up at me from under those thick lashes with doe brown eyes. She's smiling but she's not? She looks like she has a secret that she can only tell once she has you naked. "Wow," Rosie shrugs.

"See, easy. We'll work on it." Rosie smoothly stands from her seat and glides over to my lap. "Let me guess, never done this before either?" I shake my head. "Look stop worrying about your weight. It never stopped me from anything. Men can handle it. Shit, they can handle anything if they think they're gonna get their dick wet."

"You think he wants that?" I mean I know he does... but like, how soon?

"Every guy wants that." She wiggles her hips on my lap. "Just remember you don't have to give anything. Some people seem to think girls like us will just sleep with any guy because we don't have other choices." She grabs my face, "there are always better choices. Don't settle for bullshit."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And don't be afraid to be sexy. You're hot, act like it." She stands and pulls me up with her. "We got a class to get to."

Tobias is having a cooking class this afternoon, open to everyone and it looks like absolutely everyone decided to attend. The kitchen is packed with campers and only one Tobias.

I'm only here because I like to look at him, I don't need cooking lessons.

"Honestly I didn't expect a turnout like this." He looks genuinely surprised and humbled that people were interested in his little class. "So we're gonna cook some chicken in a sundried tomato cream sauce." Everyone's eyes get big thinking they're in way over their head.  "Just kidding guys, we're starting out with some baked sweet potato fries."

"But if you choose to do this class with me every week, we'll be working up to it." He winks and I hear girls giggle and whisper. Fuck, that isn't something I had thought about. Other girls. Other girls that are prettier and smaller than me. Girls with something to offer.

Shit.

I try to remember Rosie. Hell, I need to be Rosie. All the confidence and gusto has clearly been propelling her though life. She has to teach me more.

The class is short and informative. Chop, season, cook. Tobias is a hilarious teacher making sweet potato fries incredibly entertaining. He inspects all his students work with a yay or nay. When he checks mine he holds eye contact and tells me my slices are perfect while his hand brushes my hip. When class is over he congratulates everyone on surviving lesson 1.

"Joss, I could use some help cleaning up." I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I could say no. I could say my friends are waiting for me. "Don't look so scared it's just some dishes," he says reading my mind.  I don't question his intentions just grab a sponge and dirty silverware and get to work. He pulls his hair up in a messy top bun and we work silently, sweeping past each other in sync. I just need answers and as the silence drags on I break.

"What is this exactly?" Because I was too distracted by his lips to even ask what kind of relationship this was going to be. I was too eager after that taste.

"Whatever you want it to be. You're in charge." Ok, but I don't know what I want.

"What do you want from me?" He literally has to walk me through this because I'm so lost.

"Joss it's simple. I want you. To be around you in whatever way you allow me. So the question I should be asking is what do you want from me?"

To kiss you again. I shrug my shoulders instead.

"You got time to think about it. We have a lot of dishes to get through," he winks and passes me a towel for drying. We clean up in silence while he sneaks glances at me. It's ridiculous for a man to be so gorgeous with his hair tied up like that. But my lust for his sexy is outweighing my insecurities. Mustering up the courage puts my voice at a whisper.

"I want to kiss you again."

"So what are you going to do about it?" He puts down the dishes and towel. "I'm right here," he smiles and licks his lips. My eyes lock on the action and I know it's now or never. Can't punk out after declaring what I wanted.

I move in on him slowly, close enough to touch but my hands are awkwardly hanging at my side unsure of where exactly they belong. Tobias notices and takes my hands placing them on his shoulders. He puts his own hands low on my waist with his thumbs rubbing the covered skin just above my jeans.

Feeling the warmth under my palms suddenly makes this real.

He leans in the rest of the way covering the space that I couldn't bring myself to. This kiss is longer and sweeter. Firmer and more familiar. I still don't know what I'm doing but this time it feels better, I'm not so in shock. I can kiss back moving my lips with the same urgency as him. He sighs against my mouth and for some reason it makes me feel so good. Like, I did something for him, I gave him a treat. He moans and god it does something to me. His hands have migrated up my back, pulling me into him. My entire front is so warm from him I feel like I'm overheating.

Tobias pulls away and rests his forehead to mine. "Just a kiss?" He sounds like he's trying to catch his breath. Seeing him like that sends a tingle through me.

"For now," but I can tell it won't be long before I want more from him.

This is our 3rd session and after the initial flop the first time things have been going well. I was becoming comfortable with him discussing my weight and making goals. A few days ago a certain line was crossed and I'm sure it's already spilled over into our sessions. I mean Tobias has changed my appointment time to the end of the day if that's any indication.

Walking in the door it feels like the first meeting all over again.

I sit in my usual chair across from him and today we're discussing new goals. Little things to incorporate in my daily life after I leave camp. Having a least two different vegetables a day, getting some sort of exercise in on a regular basis even if it's just a little walk. We talk about personal growth, how I need to get my confidence up and hold myself in high regards. It's working. Everything we talk about I feel I can accomplish and I can feel myself getting stronger mentally and physically every day.

"I think we need to talk about some other goals too. Goals with me?" So far our relationship has consisted of stolen kisses by the cabin. It never lasts long enough and I always want to ask him for a little more. Longer, deeper kisses, more of his hands, and more of his voice in my ear.

"Goals?" I don't know what he means by that.

"I don't want to push you but at the same time I feel like I should because you won't speak up and tell me," Tobias is kneeling on the floor between my thighs. He keeps his hands in a comfortable position on my knees.

I know I haven't been as assertive as he wants me to be for the simple fact that I don't know how. I've just been taking what I'm given with no complaints because I don't want it to stop.

"I don't know how to ask."

"You asked the other day," true. But that felt different. It was like tell him or I get nothing and I couldn't bear that. So I told him and now I get regular kisses. But I don't know if I could do it again. I just want him to take the reins and do what he wants.

"That was different," he squeezes my knees before spreading them apart and moving in closer. He's so tall, even with me sitting and him on his knees he's still a head taller than me.

"Every time I see you there's this terrified look on your face and I just know it's because of me. If I make you uncomfortable let me know. You gotta talk to me. I like you, the last thing I want is you to be afraid of being alone with me."

"I'm not afraid," just nervous. I don't wanna fuck it up.

"Does it feel like I'm pressuring you?"

"No, not at all." It can't be that because he hasn't asked for a thing. "It's just new," but him between my thighs is a new sensation that I wouldn't mind more of.

"So you've never had a boyfriend before?" Of course he's figured that out.

"No," he smiles big and wide. "Stop smiling," I laugh.

"It's cute. And it puts a lot of pressure on me, I don't want to let you down." Tobias slyly kisses just under my jaw.

"You can't let down someone with no expectations," I savor every touch from him. I try to remember all of it in case it's ever snatched from me.

"Oh no, I want you to have expectations," he says against my skin. "Shit, I want you to tell me everything you expect from me." I just nod, I'll agree to anything when he's this close and apparently he's figured that out. He pulls away, all the way back to his seat and I want to tell him to come back.

"We still have 20 minutes. Anything else you want to talk about... or do?" Of course there are things I want to do. This is the only time we get where there's no one else around. He of course wants me to ask for it. "Anything at all?"

"Will you come back over here?" I roll my eyes. He looks like he's not moving and I stand because I guess this session is over.

"And do what?"

"Kiss me," I push my hands in my back pockets and hope I get the answer I want.

"How do you want to be kissed?" I can feel the blush spread over me. I shrug my shoulders knowing it's not a good enough answer. "Tell me. Should I kiss you hard?" He's finally moving closer, he looks like a predator coming for me. I force myself not to back up, not to cower away from this man that is offering me so much. "Soft?" His frame is leaning over me. His smell is woodsy, like someone who naturally smells like fresh air. "Do you want my tongue?" The way he talks... he knows how it affects me.

I nod. This is obviously a lesson he's trying to teach me. A lesson in assertiveness.

"Where?" I touch my lips before licking them. Tobias smirks before dipping in. He just lets me have a taste. And by taste I mean a peck. Not enough to sustain me by any means. "You should be more specific," he shrugs.

Maybe these are the kinds of positions I need to be put in to find my voice.

"I want you kiss me like you want me. Like you can't hold back anymore," I can see the light in his eyes change right before he's on me. I stumble back a few steps before my back hits the door. I feel like he's everywhere at once enclosing me between him and the door. Gone is the sweetness and gentleness of the days before, replaced with simmering heat and intensity. His hands start out on my face angling it before letting those hands slide down to my waist. There's so much heat and all I can feel is him. My fingers squeeze his biceps trying to hold on to something just to stay grounded.

If someone had told me when I arrived at this camp that at some point I'd be pushed against a door with my bunk leader kissing up my neck, I would have called them crazy. And yet... it's happening. His lips are leaving a trail starting from my jaw down to the center of my chest. I stare at him wide eyed and probably shaking. This is so unprofessional and in the back of my mind I wonder if I could get him in trouble. I don't ask because maybe he hasn't even thought of that but once he realizes it he might put a stop to all of this.  I'm left trying to breathe and reminding myself that I asked for this.

"Just tell me when to stop," I force myself to nod before kissing his lips again. My hand slides into his hair scratching his scalp and getting a little moan from him. I've gotten bolder now that I've had time to think about what I want from him. I've thought about the places I want to touch him, the places I want him to touch me.

"You can touch," he moans through my lips. A tingle flows through me knowing that he wants my hands on him the way I want his hands on me. So I find exposed skin at the waistband and don't hesitate to dive under his shirt. Lean muscle jumps from my touch and he groans. He pushes against me and I can feel the hardness through his jeans. It surprises me and Tobias can sense it.

"Don't freak out," he pulls away. I pull him back by his jeans and the smirk I'm rewarded with makes me feel like I've solved a puzzle. I didn't back away or get nervous at this new addition. I did what I wanted and put him back where he belonged. "I've wanted to kiss you like that since I first saw you," he kisses me softer now.

I don't know how I'm going to walk out of here and not look like this just happened.

Treasure hunt on campgrounds sounds fun right?

Well, it would be if it weren't for the rain. You'd think they would cancel it or move it indoors.

They call it building character. I'd call it catching a cold.

I duck under an overhang and run right into a broad chest.

"Hiding from the rain?" His name is Chris and I've seen him around. We haven't officially spoken until now, just acknowledged each other with our eyes.

"Yeah, it's pouring," my hair is poofing up and If I thought a brush would help I'd do something about it.

"Everyone is out there hunting except us,"

"I don't think anyone noticed," they're out in the rain running around looking for god knows what. It started raining before the hunt so I didn't even look at the list.

"What's your name? I've been meaning to ask for a while."

"Joss," Chris moves closer offering his hand.

"I'm Chris,"

"I know," Denise had moved on from Tobias once she laid eyes on him. So the cabin has been abuzz with his name. Personally I don't think he's anything impressive. But I'm obviously bias towards Tobias.

"So I see you've made some progress since you got here," I haven't lost much weight according to the scale but the people around me have been commenting on my shape.

"It's those god awful runs," they suck but no doubt but I know they're doing something.

"Your bunk leader is Tobias right?"

"Yeah,"

"You're lucky he seems really cool. He's cute too." Oh, Denise is going to be disappointed.

"He's great."

"You should introduce me sometime." What do I say to that? He's taken? He doesn't swing that way?

"Uh, yeah ok." After that I just kind of slip away trying to avoid any possible questions he may have for me.

Trying to find Rosie or any of the girls is impossible in the rain so I guess I could just-

"Jesus!" Honestly I think Tobias gets off on scaring the shit out of me. Why else would he continue to do this shit? He pulls me in behind the dining hall where other campers could see.

"Sorry," Tobias throws his hands up. "Come here," he laughs before pulling me to him. He's been in a staff meeting all day so I haven't seen him and its weird how I missed him. He smiles stupidly as I kiss his face. We look like a couple, a legit couple embracing after a long absence.

"No more meetings?"

"Not today, I'm all yours." His words send a tingle through me. It's not the first time he's said ‘I'm all yours' and every time it has more sexual innuendo than the last. They're words that maybe I should do something with. Take him up on the offer?

"So there's no one in my cabin for at least another 3 hours," Tobias shares his cabin with Joshua and I guess he's out for the day.

"Trying to sneak me in?"

"Yes, so we can fool around comfortably." The thought makes me a little nervous. Our time together has always had a ticking timer on it. Meaning it could only go so far. But a lot can happen in 3 hours and I don't know if I'm ready for it.

"Well... what if he comes back early." It's a lame excuse that he sees right through.

"Joss we won't do anything you do want to do. I just figured it's chilly and wet out here. The cabin is warm, I have a hoodie you can wear, and we can kiss on a bed." He is inviting me to his cabin and offering me a hoodie. Is he perfect? Definitely a possibility.

"Ok," because the more I think about it the more I want that with him.

"Come on," he pulls me through the rain to his cabin. This is it, moment of truth. I could still walk away, pretend nothing happened. Endure the remainder of the summer in awkward silence.

Before I can think too hard he pulls me in and kisses me against the door.

"Are you cold?" I'm freezing but I don't have to answer before he hands me a towel and a blanket. I attempt to dry off but my clothes are plastered to my skin and it's no use in trying.

"I could help you get that off," he wags his eyebrows while he takes off his shoes.

"It's staying on," he pouts his lips. For a moment its quiet, just a long stretch of silence that makes me wonder if I should go.

"So..." I hate that I always have to take cues from him because I'm so clueless.

"No, none of that. If you want something you have to say it," I just roll my eyes because damn, this again?

"You promised me a hoodie," I cross my arms in my most assertive manner. He just laughs.

"That I did. But it's not gonna be useful if you have a wet shirt underneath." Good point. "Here, I'll turn around while you change into this." His sweatshirt is old and worn, some of the writing has faded but it's incredibly soft. I take it and wait for him to turn before working lightning fast at changing.

"Done," it's surprisingly not tight on me. I was really scared it wouldn't fit.

"That looks good on you," I don't know why that comment makes me smile so hard but Tobias kisses the smile away before my face can get stuck.

"You also promised me a bed," his response is somewhere between a growl and a chuckle. His bed is on the back wall and instead of laying on top of me he lays beside me.

"I want to try something," he runs his hands across my stomach and I have to move them. My stomach isn't flat and the softness makes me self-conscious so I refuse to let it be touched. "You still flinch when I touch you," I didn't think he noticed that. It's hard not to pull away from someone touching the parts of you that are flawed. "I want you to let me touch you."

"I do," his touches have been safe. Face, waist, arms, the places I'm comfortable with. He hasn't pushed for more until now.

Tobias runs his fingertips along the curve of my breast. I don't feel the anxiety that I thought would come with this but instead I feel want. Wanting for more.

When his fingers slip under the sweatshirt I clench my fists to stop myself from pulling away. This is how relationships progress right? I mean people don't just kiss their whole lives, they take it up a notch. At some point you have to put yourself out there even if it's only a little at a time.

"I won't take it off," he assures me. It's a relief because although I want him to touch I don't know if I'm ready for him to see. "I just like touching you." His warm hands slide under and squeeze the places I wish weren't there. He can feel the curves and the bulges I've been fighting to get rid of. They should disgust him, send him running for the hills.

I allow them over my stomach and between my breasts moving in slow motion. Every time he touches a new spot the skin jumps and he reassures me with a kiss. When his hands travel to my back I find myself rolling into him, thighs between thighs. His kisses get rougher and our breaths quicken. I can tell he's holding back for me, I know his hands want to do more but I'm not ready for that. So maybe I can do something else?

"I want to touch you too,"

"Touch wherever you want," he throws this shirt off without any hesitation. He doesn't work on his belt so I take it upon myself to do it. Now I'm no expert on the male form and clearly I'm a virgin but I've always been interested in sex. I know the ends and out and basic things about a man's dick. While I'm not ready to do too much, like I said, I do want to touch. "I didn't think you meant..." Shit, I just went for his belt. I didn't ask for permission or even hint at it.

"May I?" He looks surprised. At this point I thought I'd seen all the faces he could make but this one is new. Surprised arousal I think.

"Yeah, of course." He slides his jeans down leaving his boxers on. "Joss don't feel like you have to. It's not-" Now like I said, I'm not an expert. But feeling the weight of him in my hand does something for the both of us. I don't pull his boxers down instead I feel through the material. I mimic things I'd seen in pornos and things my friends had told me. Some squeezing, brush the tip, and a little stroking. It seems to work well. He's quiet which I take as a good sign. He's biting his lip and I get to watch the rapid rise and fall of his stomach. Seeing his reaction to my touch is thrilling. I understand now why a lot of people like to give pleasure more than receive it.

A startling knock ruins everything. I practically jump out of my skin.

"Obie do you have the schedule for this weekend?" It's Joshua.

"Uh, yeah." He motions for me to stay quiet, like I need to be told.

"Well, can I have it?" He asks in the most annoyed voice he can muster up.

"Yeah one second." He pulls has pants back up but doesn't bother to put a shirt back on. He cracks the door and sticks a clipboards through it.

"Why's the door locked? You in there beating off?" Something like that.

"I just wanted some peace man." He shrugs thinking that's all it would take.

"Move I gotta get some stuff." Joshua pushes past him and of course the first thing he sees is me in my bunk leader's clothes.

"Joss?" He looks at me, then at Tobias, then back at me. "Who's going to explain this to me?"

"You're having sex with a camper?" He asks calmly.

"What, no!" Joshua narrows his eyes. "It's not like that."

"Then what are you doing?" Tobias looks back at me and I don't know what to say. "Joss?"

"He was just changing clothes, trying to get dry." I say the first thing that comes to mind and personally I think I sound convincing.

"And you're on his bed because?"

"Am I supposed to sit on the floor?" It's not like this place is fully furnished. It's just 2 beds and a bathroom.

"Why are you even in this cabin?" I don't have a lie for this.

"I needed to talk to someone..." Hopefully being vague works. Joshua looks up at Tobias who can't seem to make eye contact with him. Joshua motions for him to step outside and as soon as the door closes I rush to the door to hear everything.

"She's lying. You're lying."

"Joss and I have been seeing each other."

"Obie I knew you liked her but I thought you'd be smart enough to wait until the summer was over. You could get fired." Tobias being fired had crossed my mind but hearing it from someone else really makes me think about the possibility. "Is she at least 18?"

"She's 19."

"She's still a camper and you're the bunk leader, that's abuse of power. It looks bad man," worry washes over me like a wave. What if Tobias decides I'm not worth the risk? I don't want this taken away from me, I've been enjoying it too much for it to be snatched away.  

"I know the rules and I tried, I really did. Could you just... keep it to yourself? Please?"

"I'm not going to tell." He assures him, "I'm just pissed you didn't tell me."

"I was going to."

"You're obviously gonna do whatever you want regardless of what I say. Just try to be sneakier? Other people aren't gonna be as understanding as I am." Joshua pats Tobias on the back and hops down the stairs. I watch Tobias sigh before coming back inside.

"You think he's going to tell?" I changed back into my shirt and left his folded up hoodie on the bed.

"No, he wouldn't do that," he sits next to me on his bed letting his fingers pull at the hem of my shirt.

"Maybe we should back off for a while, just in case. I mean you haven't been exactly subtle," Tobias lingers near me constantly. And you don't have to be scoping the place out to find us kissing somewhere in the shade.

"It's tough to be subtle," he bites his lip. Even after getting caught he's not stopping. I can tell by the look in his eye if he thought I'd let him pounce he would.

"We have to be careful. You shouldn't lose your job over this." Relentless, he kisses under my jaw and squeezes my thigh. He hums into my skin and you'd think he hadn't just been scalded about our relationship. "Tobias! I have to leave."

"I know, I know. Just..." He kisses me roughly, his hands on my face holding him to me. His tongue slips inside mapping out my mouth, tasting me again. For a brief second I think it would be ok if we just spend the rest of the day here on this bed. But I know that's just the feel of his lips on me that's got me thinking crazy. I push him away reluctantly and try to collect myself. "Fine, I'll be more subtle," he huffs.

*

When I round the corner of the cabin Joshua is waiting for me.

"And what did you two agree on?" I want to roll my eyes because it's really none of his business.

"Joshua," I sigh.

"Look, it's not that I disapprove of the relationship.  I like you, you're good for him. But other people wouldn't and he's worked really hard for this job and he's highly respected here. I'm just trying to look out for a friend."

"I get it," I just shrug. He's looking out for him and that's fine. But if he thinks we're going to stay away from each other until summer is over he's crazy. It's just not something I'm willing to do.

*

We've managed to stay away from each other for 3 whole days. No touching, kissing, barely looking at each other. But tonight he's coaxed me out of my warm cabin under the false pretense of star gazing. I know he's lying but I don't care in the least.

"I brought you out here for a learning experience." He's so fucking sneaky I see right through him.

"So you don't want to kiss me under the stars?" We're hidden away deep among the trees so one kiss wouldn't hurt right?

"That's what I meant," Tobias pulls me in kissing behind my ear. "You always smell so good."

"We can't be out here long," as much as I've missed him I know we're pushing it by being out here.

"I want to taste you," he whispers as his hands go to the waistband of my shorts. I let them slide in and rub my panty covered sex. He always makes it so hard for me to think straight, I don't think I've ever formed a proper sentence in his presence.

"Here?" We're hidden but not enough for all of that.

"Yes, here." He drops to his knees and the sound of the leaves cracking is loud against the silence of the woods.

"We'll get in trouble," I whisper. He just laughs and kisses my exposed thighs. "What happened to being subtle? We just got caught 3 days ago!" That seems to bring him back to reality. He stands using my body to pull himself up.

"I can't back off Joss. I think about you all the time," his hands press and squeeze the softness of my body. "The way you feel," Tobias presses his body to mine. It's a feeling that surprises me every time, the hardness of his body. "Your lips," he nips at them with his own. "Joss, I want to show you so many things," I can't help but laugh at that. He sounds so desperate and needy against me.

"It's not funny, you're killing me." He whines against my neck.

"I'm sorry." I turn my face up in a mock pout. "Tell me what you want to do to me," the sentence slips out before I can filter myself and the smirk on his face is devilish.

He steps closer his lips touching my ear. "Don't ask if you're not ready to hear."

My entire body heats up but I want to hear every detail. "Tell me." Tobias pushes me to a tree and I'm covered in his heat. We've made out over a dozen times now and somehow he still manages to make me lose all thought when he's this close.

"I can't stop thinking about the way you touched me." His voice has changed to a deep raspy sound that my body immediately reacts to. The memory had been playing out in my head for the past 3 days as well. I loved the feeling of him in my hand and even wondered what it would feel like in my mouth.

"Has anyone ever eaten your pussy before?" I bite my lip and shake my head. I know where this is going and I'm so happy the night is hiding my blush.

"Don't be shy. I'm not." When he pushes up against me I feel his hardness trying to find its way out of his shorts. My hands grasp his shoulders trying to remain upright.

"I want my tongue deep inside you, fucking you. Would you like that?" All I can do is nod and moan. He's rubbing himself against me just right. Rutting our sexes together, it's a new sensation for me. So much better than my fingers. Tobias has taken to my neck, his favorite spot, kissing and sucking breaking me down.

"It'd be so good Joss. You'd push my face in your pussy and beg me to keep going." My entire body is tingling as our hips move faster. "I'd lick up and down your lips and suck your clit. Fuck, you'd be begging and God I can't wait to hear you scream my name." My thigh has wrapped itself around his waist giving him better access to grind against me. The action doesn't go unnoticed, he pushes forward and lets out a choked moan. I'm on my toes doing everything I can to get what I want, racing Tobias to finish.

"I wouldn't stop... Not until you came all over my tongue." I'm coming undone. His words and his dick rubbing my clit, I'm about to cum. He angles his hips and I lose it.

"Fuck," I moan as he follows right behind me, his hips stuttering before moving in slow motion. When he gathers the strength to look up at me he pulls me into a lazy kiss that's uncoordinated and sloppy because he's smiling. His face is red and he looks a little embarrassed.

"I've never done that before," he smiles and I feel a sense of accomplishment. He's so much more experienced than me but I was still able to give him something new. I'm glad it was new for the both of us.

My panties are soaked and he's got a wet spot on his shorts.

"If that's just a taste of what you want to show me, I can't wait." He just laughs and kisses me back into silence.

Trying to get Rosie to be calm is nearly impossible. She's pacing around, throwing her hands in the air and shouting expletives that would get us kicked out.

"I'm jealous. Soo jealous." She's made me tell her every detail 3 times now. "What does his cock look like?"

"I haven't seen it," I blush. I've touched but never actually seen it.

"So does it feel bigger than other ones?"

"Rosie you know good and well that's the only dick I've ever even been close to."

"When you see him again what do you think will happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, the next step. You guys came together. Are you going to actually have sex now?" I hadn't thought of what was next. I had been floating on this high and not even considering that things would go further the next time.  How much more would he want? How soon? "Relax, I can tell by looking at him he's not going to ask for anything if he doesn't think you're ready."

"But what if he does? Am I ready?"

"Girl, I can't answer that for you. Sex comes with a lot of things. Emotions and attachment. It's up to you to decide and don't let anyone tell you any different." One day I'm going to sit down and really ask Rosie what she's done and how she seems to know absolutely everything. She leaves me to go to the dining hall.

What happened with Tobias was incredible. I've never felt anything like it and I'd be lying if I didn't say it consumed me.

Tonight is another bonfire. Everyone has gathered around the fire, talkative and happy. I can see Joshua staring at me through the flames. All judgy like.

"Come with me," Tobias has my hand and is pulling me through the crowd. I can see Joshua roll his eyes. What the hell is Tobias doing? We're in front of everyone. Literally everyone. Pulling my hand away from him I can see his confusion in the bright light of the fire.

"I can't," I whisper. "Wherever we're going, I can't." He grabs my hand again anyway and pulls me away from everyone.

We walk behind a cabin and I'm constantly looking behind me to see if anyone is watching. If we didn't look suspicious before we damn sure do now.

"If someone sees us together we'll be in trouble," Something tells me Joshua isn't going to need to keep quiet because it's going to be obvious very soon.

"I don't think anyone can see us over here," there's a pause as if he's waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry but I've been thinking about you all night. I couldn't sleep." He kisses me behind my ear and lingers there. "Have you been thinking about me too?" He kisses my cheek.

"Yes," I whisper against his face. He's all I've been thinking about.

"Good," his fingers flutter up my neck and to my cheek. They lightly float over my lips before he's kissing them. It's a soft kiss much like the kisses we shared in the beginning when I was nervous and new. He's being so gentle. It lets me concentrate on the feel of our lips touching and the sound of our breathing. It's not long before I feel the cabin against my back and his hard body against my front.

Those soft kisses don't last too long. Soon his tongue is begging for entrance and his teeth are nipping at me. My hands grip at his shoulders and my hips move against his, clearly trying to replay the other night's events.

"I didn't get to taste you," Tobias holds my face up to look at him. "Please let me taste you." I nod my head. The pouty look on his face was adorable and well, he said please. He pulls me beyond the cabin and into the woods. Deep enough that I can barely see the bonfire through the trees. When he stops pulling me he just stands there staring at me.

"What?" I whisper in the darkness and I hear him chuckle.

"You are so beautiful," his hands are on my waist. He kisses my forehead, then my cheeks, and finally my lips. "Are you ready to scream my name?"

As I feel him sliding down my body panic starts to set in. He's never touched these parts of me before. They're soft and pudgy and fuck now I'm having second thoughts about all of this. I tug at his shirt until he looks up at me from the ground.

"People might be looking for us," it's the only excuse I can think of. He laughs and rests his head against my stomach. I can feel his breath against my skin.

"No one's looking for us Joss. But if you don't want to be here, tell me." The first feeling I have is of light kisses on my lower stomach. "I'll stop if you want," his kisses get lower and he slides my shorts down. I feel so exposed right now but he's just kissing away like it's nothing. He kisses over my panties making my body tingle. His finger rubs up and down my lips. I feel myself getting wet and embarrassed by the way my body reacts to him. Tobias smiles against my panties.

"Let's get these off," I squeeze my thighs together and bite my lip. He looks up at me eyes pleading. I think back to that day when we first kissed and how I would have regretted not letting that happen. I don't want to regret not doing this. My thighs loosen up and Tobias slides them down and slyly puts them in his pocket.

"Put your leg up on my shoulder," he tells me but proceeds to do it for me. He kisses my inner thighs and makes his way closer and closer to my pussy.

The first swipe of his tongue is a surprise that causes a jump from me and smirk from him. He takes it as a sign to dip back in. I feel fingers gripping my waist holding me still. At first it was like he was French kissing my pussy but that quickly turned into something more. He starts sucking on my clit and working his tongue further inside me. He's using his entire mouth to devour me.

"Please don't stop," the sound of my own voice is foreign to me. He's sucking and probing his tongue at a quicker pace. I rake my fingers through his hair and grip it tightly, not wanting him to move. I know my moans are getting loud so I try my hardest to keep my mouth shut. When he moans against my pussy I lose it. My legs start to shake and if he wasn't holding me I would be on the ground.

Tobias kisses his way back up to me. I look at him through half lidded eyes with a blush. "You taste so good," he kisses me so I can taste myself on him.

"You wanna go for a swim with me tomorrow?" I roll my eyes because he knows I hate swimming. "Just you and me, no one else around." Tobias is nibbling at my neck making me moan a yes.