“You’re one damn stubborn little lady”

“Yes I know”

Faith Annalise Jamison wasn’t going to let her counselor get under her skin. Six weeks. Six weeks ago she had submitted a Special Request Chit to her command.

Six weeks ago she had been trying to contact her counselor and chief petty officer about her submission.

Faith was trying to see if she could get into training to become a Navy SEAL

It was mainly both her counselor and chief petty officer holding her back; Naval Special Warfare Command was not responsible for determining her eligibility these two people were.

“I remember the summer of ’67 when I joined the Navy for the Vietnam War” her counselor sixty-five year old Officer Ronald Ferry said “I was only seventeen that summer mind you back in those days there weren’t any women or just hardly any men of color serving in the Navy”

“Now we have women such as yourself SN Jamison in the Navy” Ferry went on to say “but for the liberals and progressive people today that’s not enough and quite frankly the idea of allowing women to train to become SEALS doesn’t sit well with me”

“How old are you Jamison?”

“Twenty-four in January” Faith replied “right in time for when training starts”

Ferry chuckled at her “You’re still very young and not much more than a kid in terms of knowing how cruel this world can be”

“A woman’s place used to be in the home my wife was about your age now when she had our first son”

“Though I think these liberals and progressive folks are ready for so called female Navy Seals; I think a female Navy Seal who happens to be African American will be a tough pill for them to swallow”

Well they were going to have to swallow it then; Faith wasn’t going to back down from this opportunity because of some upper-class conservative white men like Ferry wanting their way of life and society to remain in the 1950s and 60s.

When Faith heard the news that the U.S. Navy was going to begin allowing women to join in the ranks of becoming a SEAL this past summer she jumped right into the process.

Admiral Jon Greenert’s words inspired her

“Why shouldn’t anybody who can meet these standards be accepted? And the answer is there is no reason”

“So we’re on a track to say ‘Hey look, anybody who can meet the gender non-specific standards, then you can become a SEAL”

However Faith should have known that people like Officer Ronald Ferry would remind her that not only was she a woman but also black. Two strikes against her. A double minority.

Perhaps Admiral Greenert’s words were only meant for white women to hear but Faith didn’t see why she wasn’t eligible as well she had started her Navy career almost six years ago at eighteen as an E-1 Seaman Recruit.

Within those six years she had inched her way up to becoming an E-3 Seaman. While many in her ranking were trying to at least become a third class petty officer; Faith was shooting for the stars and she wasn’t about to let her gender and race stop that.

It was why Faith was sitting in Ferry’s office on this muggy August afternoon with no air conditioner; to get it through his thick skull that she was eligible.

“Chief Petty Officer Orwell seems to think you have potential,” Ferry said

“I know I have potential in fact I have even more than that” Faith said stubbornly

“Well I know one thing if you’re going to be in training to be a SEAL that mouth of yours is going to have to take a back seat”

Faith nodded but still believed whole heartily in what she said

“Besides you’re going to have to have to pass the PST before you can even think of going on to Naval Special Warfare Preparatory School”

As much as Faith hated to admit it Ferry was right the Physical Screening Test was no joke but she was more than willing to take the challenge.

“Officer Ferry I know I can do this” Faith said “can you please fill out the NC worksheet for me?”

“You know I’m taking a chance on you Jamison” Ferry said “you’re one of the best damn E-3 Seamen we have”

“So you’ll fill it out for me then?”

“I’ll email it off today but I’m warning you now Jamison that it’s not a guarantee”

“I know” he replied, “thank you Officer Ferry”

First Class Petty Officer Conrad Mitchell Ramsey was at a high point in his life right now. Everything seemed to be going perfectly he just celebrated his twenty-seventh birthday. Brought a new house with his fiancée Heather who was pregnant with their first child and had recently made the decision to go apply for training to become a Navy SEAL

Conrad felt that with nine years under his belt in the Navy he was more than qualified to be a SEAL; he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps just like anybody else who enters the Navy as a hot headed seventeen or eighteen year old.

He had always wanted to be a SEAL it was in his blood his father and grandfather and even great grandfather were SEALS; with his growing little family Conrad felt the need to provide for them encouraged him to go forward with his decision.

So on this day Conrad was making his way to his counselor Ferry’s office to have him fill out his NC sheet to put in a good word for him. Just as Conrad was getting ready to enter the office Seaman Faith Jamison ran right into him.

“What are you in such a hurry for Jamison?”

“Sorry Ramsey I didn’t see you---“

“That’s Officer Ramsey to you Jamison” Conrad reprimanded her quickly

“Yes Officer” Faith said  “it was an accident how was I supposed to know you’d be standing there?”

“Don’t you have work to do Jamison?” Conrad asked, “like mopping the deck that you were assigned to mop this morning? Not to mention the paint that needs to be chipped on the overhead”

Faith frowned at him and then went past him to go to her work

“I’m going to be checking to see if it’s actually clean too”

Conrad shook his head although Faith seemed to be an excellent seaman and did what she was told; she had zero to little respect for her higher up officers. Her attitude and ego was just as testosterone driven as any other male seaman or officer and there were times when his patience was tested with as well as some of the other officers.

All Conrad knew was Faith had better of had a pretty damn good reason for not doing her assignments right now.

“Officer Ramsey” Ferry greeted him upon walking in the door “good to see you”

“Afternoon Officer Ferry” Conrad replied giving his counselor a handshake

“What can I help you with today son?”

“Well I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think I’m at a point now in my life now that I’m ready” Conrad said “I just sent out my Special Request Chit to Command and I was hoping you could fill out my NC sheet”

Ferry chuckled and said “You too eh? Ready to be a SEAL?”

“I sure am” Conrad replied and frowned “have you had other requests lately?”

“Ramsey you’re actually the fifteenth one to make a request this past week” Ferry said “and Jamison who you ran into outside my door was the fourteenth”

“Jamison?!?” Conrad asked surprised “she made a request?!?”

“Sure as hell did” Ferry chuckled

“Why?” Conrad was curious to know “Jamison is a stubborn and rude and too headstrong for her own good the SEAL training recruits will eat her alive”

“True” Ferry agreed “but you have to admit she’s a good seaman”

“How did she manage to make a request anyway? Since when are women allowed to train to become SEALS? That’s always been a no”

“You haven’t heard Ramsey?” Ferry asked “that damn Admiral Greenert has convinced the command to consider allowing women to train for the SEALS as early as January of next year”

Conrad rolled his eyes at that nonsense it was the equivalent of allowing women to play in the NFL; he was so damn tired of all of these politically correct and feminist folks going around and men especially white men like himself that he was privileged.

Conrad didn’t see himself as privileged and he felt that everything he has in life is because he worked hard to get it not because it was handed to him. Also in his opinion basic biology was fact there are certain things only men can do that women can’t do.

The SEALS job was very rigorous and dangerous and demanding; sure women were allowed in the Navy but SEALS positions were strictly off limits.

“They aren’t serious about it though?” Conrad asked, “I mean I honestly thought it was just all talk”

“I thought that too” Ferry replied “but they seem to be pretty damn serious”

“Officer Ferry you aren’t serious considering filling out a NC sheet for Jamison are you?”

“Yes I am” Ferry replied “as a matter of fact I have it pulled up on my screen right now”

“What?!?”

Ferry chuckled “Don’t worry I’ll fills yours out afterwards and besides Ramsey I highly doubt you find Jamison to be tough competition”

“Of course not but even if she were a man which she’s not; she’s no where near ready she’s still a seaman” Conrad pointed out “no seaman has the experience or even the set of balls to try applying for the SEALS”

“Ironically she does” Ferry said “look Ramsey as old and conservative as I am in my views times are changing; hell if gays are now allowed to legally get married in all fifty states then we should have seen this coming”

“Some things don’t need to change though” Conrad said “anyway I don’t see any competition with Jamison; some of my fellow petty officers yes but I doubt she’ll even pass the PST”

“Well we have another month to find out don’t we?” Ferry said, “only time will tell that one”

“You’re really asking for it Faith” her best friend and fellow cabin mate Leah Rios told her “you know Sergeant Ramsey is going to really get in your ass for not doing your assignments when you were supposed to actually get them done”

Faith rolled her eyes “Ramsey knows I get things done and I do a good job” she said “besides I had to go ask Ferry to fill out my NC sheet”

“You’re really serious about this SEAL thing huh?” Leah said “don’t you think as a seaman under qualified?”

“I’m one rank from being a third class petty officer Leah” Faith pointed out “it’s not like I’m completely at the bottom of the barrel”

“I know but most people wait until they are at least petty officers before applying” she said “that’s pretty ballsy of you all the petty officers including Sergeant Ramsey are going to think you’re arrogant”

“The majority of them are arrogant anyway,” Faith said

“True but they are higher up the chain than you” Leah reminded her “they didn’t earn the title of petty officer for no reason”

“And that’s exactly why I applied” Faith said “women are allowed into the SEALS now and I want a chance up that ladder too”

“I can’t believe that Officer Ferry actually agreed to fill out your NC sheet”

“Girl it wasn’t easy” Faith said “I had to practically pull it out from him you know his conservative right wing self is still stuck in the past”

“Well to be fair Faith I think the world is more ready for white women to be SEALS,” Leah said, “you’d be a stick of dynamite as far as they’re concerned”

“Yeah well I’m not backing down” Faith said getting her supplies together “if I get approved I won’t ever have chip paint, mop the deck or maintain lines again”

“Jamison may I have a word with you?”

It was late and everyone was heading back to their cabins after dinner for bed. Faith looked at Conrad for a minute wondering if he was serious she was dead tired.

“In my office in five Jamison” he said firmly “and don’t be late”

Once Conrad turned the corner Faith sighed what the hell was that man pissed off about this time?

“Jamison you in hot water again?” some of the other seamen teased her as they went off to their cabins for the night.

Leah gave her a look between I told you so and good luck.

Faith made her way down to Conrad’s office hoping that it would be quick and simple meeting; knowing him though he’d probably make the situation more difficult than it had to be.

God he was such an arrogant prick.

“Officer Ramsey?”

“Come in Jamison and shut the door behind you”

Faith walked into the tiny office to find Conrad sitting behind his desk. His office was rather modest for a petty officer with cream white walls a plant in the corner and neat organized desk.

On his desk near his computer was a picture of his strawberry blonde fiancée soon to be wife Heather Kuhn in what looked like a stereotypical white girl 'it’s fall' photograph straight of a Macy’s catalog.

“Is there a problem Ramsey---“

“Officer” Conrad said firmly

“Officer Ramsey is there a problem?” Faith said a little annoyed that he kept correcting her over something so little and stupid in her opinion.

Just because she didn’t call him Sergeant every single time didn’t make him any less of a petty officer because he still was.

For being so high up in society white men sure as hell had very fragile egos. After what happened to Sandra Bland this past summer Faith knew that for a fact.

“Three things Jamison” Conrad started “one stellar job on the deck and the overhead today and the lines look great as usual”

“Thank you Sergeant”

“That being said your attitude is another story” Conrad said “it doesn’t make sense that since you do such a good job on these things that you can’t just do them when you’re told”

“It’s not that I don’t want to do them I’m told to do them I’m usually busy doing other things”

“When you’re given an assignment you do them when asked no excuses Jamison”

Faith bit her bottom lip before she could say anything more to further push Conrad’s buttons.

“Your work ethic is literally the only reason why you’re still even here you know that right?” Conrad told her “you would have been shipped home a long time ago—“

“This is my home” Faith said firmly

Conrad thought that was an odd statement for her to make. Most of the crew couldn’t wait to be off duty for a little bit and go back home to catch up with family and friends.

“Officer Ferry mentioned that you sent in a request for training to become a SEAL” Conrad continued “is that true?”

“Yes”

“That’s a pretty damn bold move of you Jamison; you’re only a seaman not to mention a female”

“And your point is Officer?” Faith asked “I’m also black that’s another strike against me or should I be barefoot and pregnant having all the babies a man can fertilize me with?”

“My point is I don’t think you’re anywhere even close to ready to become a SEAL” Conrad said “you think I’m hard on you those SEALS trainees will chew you up and spit right back out; and just because they’re allowing women to apply doesn’t mean they’re lowering the standards”

“I’m aware of that” Faith said “and I don’t want them to I can handle it”

Conrad looked Faith up and down and she was a petite little thing probably no more than five feet and three inches and at the most weighed one thirty.

Sure Faith was strong and able as an ox by a woman’s standard but the men she would be training with like Conrad were about six feet and weighed close to two hundred pounds.

Conrad was sure that her statement about being able to handle it was just her spirit talking and not her body.

“I’m just letting you know Jamison wouldn’t want your feelings getting hurt if you can’t keep up with full grown able bodied men”

“I won’t” she firmly “is there anything else that needs to be addressed Officer?”

Even though Conrad wished Faith would drop her stubborn attitude out of respect a part of him still admired it. It was definitely a trait that seemed to be working well in her favor as far as work ethic. In his opinion she just needed to learn how to channel it more productively

“You’re dismissed” Conrad said finally “and tomorrow you better get your assignments done when you’re told”

“Yes Officer Ramsey”

Heather sat down to get ready to Skype her fiancée before he went to bed. Where she was at she was getting ready to start her day and it was early morning.

The baby kicked as if he knew that they were getting ready to talk to his father.

“Dada hopefully will remember to pick up tonight”

Heather’s face lit up when the small icon that showed Conrad’s face popped up and she maximized her window so that he could see a full view of their beautiful kitchen that she was still unpacking.

“Hey sweetie” she greeted

“Hey yourself beautiful” Conrad chuckled “I miss you”

“I miss you too”

“How’s Junior doing?”

“Conrad just because the baby is a boy doesn’t mean that he automatically has to be named after you besides I like the name Aidan anyway”

“Typical” Conrad smirked “the boy is already going to have an Irish last name we don’t need to push it besides Aidan is so popular right now there’s bound to be five or six of them in his kindergarten class alone”

“We have to pick a name soon Conrad he’ll be here in less than two months”

“I know and I can’t wait for the little guy to get here too” he replied “speaking of which I turned in my NC sheet for SEAL training”

“You did?” Heather asked surprised “I thought you were still thinking about it”

“I was and I decided to just do it” Conrad said “if I get through training I will be on duty more but I’ll be able to financially take care of you and our son”

“I know” Heather said sadly “I just wish you weren’t away so much”

“I’ll be off duty in time for his birth” Conrad said cheering her up “and maybe we can actually get married before they ship me off to the preparatory program”

“Yes that would be nice” Heather said, “I should have the house unpacked by then hopefully”

“It’s looking good so far and I can’t wait until I can come home” Conrad said “I hate to cut this short but I got to get some shut eye long day today and a long day tomorrow too”

“I know” Heather replied “I love you sweetie”

“Love you too beautiful”

As the Skype call ended Heather was forced to remind herself that her due date was in fact getting closer.

Heather loved her baby and she knew Conrad loved them both but would that love go away if he ever found out that the baby she was carrying wasn’t in fact his baby at all?

“Momma please I don’t want to”

“Faith look at me”

The nervous thirteen-year-old looked up at her mother as she finished placing the veil on her head. Today was a big day and a new chapter in her life; everything Faith knew was about to change forever. While all the other girls on her block were going to eighth grade she was doing something completely different.

As her family’s only daughter upon entering puberty it was expected of Faith to get married right away. Her parents were first generation Nigerian immigrants so many of the customs that her grandparents had they brought over to America. While most girls usually went to their mothers with mixed reactions about their first period; Faith hid hers.

Talk of her soon being old enough to marry had been going on for a while now and when menarche happened for Faith she hid all of her soiled sheets and underwear because she knew if her mother found out it would be time.

When Faith was only five years old when her father Robert Jamison wanted her to be flown over to Nigeria with her grandmother in order to have a female circumcision done. It was illegal in the states to be performed on girls under eighteen but Robert wanted to make sure that their daughter would be pure for the man he’d chose for her to marry.

Glenda put her foot down and told her husband that she would not have Faith go through that brutal procedure that she herself went through. In turn Robert made Glenda promise as soon as Faith started her cycle that she has to be married right away.

Glenda eventually found out when she found a package of sanitary napkins in her daughter’s dresser and she had no choice but to let her father know now that the it was high time for her to marry.

“We talked about this remember” her mother tried calming her down “you’re going to be taken care of okay Howard Patterson is Daddy’s friend”

“Momma” she cried fat tears rolling down her cheeks now “I don’t want to”

“Faith you have to” her mother insisted “times are tough right now and Daddy and I can’t take care of you anymore; I was about your age when I married Daddy”

“Glenda!” Faith heard her father calling “is that girl ready yet?”

“We’re coming!”

Glenda took a napkin and did her best to wipe away her daughter’s tears

“Don’t cry Faith,” she said, “you look so pretty today and Howard is going to think so too”

A chill went down Faith’s spine at her mother’s words and that thought did not sit well with her at all.

“You remember to do everything Howard tells you” Glenda said “and I mean everything”

“GLENDA!”

“Okay let’s not keep your father waiting” Glenda said smoothing out Faith’s white dress “it will be great everyone’s waiting to see you; your little brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles---“

“Momma no!” Faith cried trying to wiggle her hand out of her mother’s grasp “I don’t want to!”

“Sometimes we have to do things in life we don’t want to” Glenda said insisted

“GLENDA!” her father boomed coming in the room “what the hell is taking so damn long?”

“Robert calm down everything’s fine Faith is a little scared that’s all”

“Scared?” Robert grunted, “what hell is she scared for? Shit I’m the one who should scared Howard paid a lot of money for her ass”

“Daddy please---“

“Come on girl”  Robert said ignoring her and yanking her by the hand “stop crying ain’t nobody hurting you”

Faith tried her best to fight back her tears as her father led her out into the backyard where all of her family was waiting to watch the ceremony.

Faith didn’t know much about weddings but she knew this felt wrong; she knew that she was way too young to get married and here she was doing just that. Being married to her father’s best friend Howard who was forty years old was wrong.

Yet all Faith seemed to be hearing was as her father walked her down the aisle was how pretty she looked as if it were normal. The pastor was waiting at the end of the aisle standing alongside him was Howard who looked like he was already graying at his temples.

When Howard looked at her he gave her a grimy smile, which made the chill Faith felt early go down her spine once more. When her father felt her stiffen he whispered “You better calm yourself down right now girl”

Faith’s heart sung when her father placed her hand in Howard’s and went to go sit back down as if this whole ordeal was completely normal.

“Who gives this bride away?” the pastor asked

“Her mother and I” Robert said without a second thought

“Ladies and gentlemen we gather here this afternoon to join Howard Patterson and Faith Jamison in holy matrimony any objections to this union speak now or forever hold your peace”

Faith opened her mouth to object but her father shot her a death glare and she didn’t dare say anything to ruin this moment.

Faith didn’t think this was fair she of course would have liked to be married someday but not when she was still supposed to be a kid. This is definitely what she didn’t want.

Howard pulled the veil back and Faith refused to look at him and he said, “You’re going to have to look at me eventually sweet thing”

“Howard do you take this woman Faith to be your wife? To have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do you part?”

“I do”

The pastor turned to Faith and he recited the same vows to her and waited for her to respond.

“I…I..I…”

“Speak up girl!” Robert barked at her

“I do” Faith finally said

When the pastor pronounced them husband and wife Faith had no choice but to let him kiss her. It made her stomach churn in a bad way. Howard’s lips were chapped and his breath was horrible and she didn’t like the way he wrapped his arms around her.

The two of them turned around to face their family and friends and there was clapping all around. Faith looked over to Glenda and was surprised to see tears falling down her mother’s face as she mouthed the phrase ‘I’m sorry’. It was too late and what was done was done.

Howard snored loudly on his side of the bed while Faith laid curled up in a ball on her side. It was hard for her to sleep and she was crying silently staining her pillow; she tried to keep quiet since Howard had told her to hush up before he fell asleep.

About an hour ago Faith had found out just what her mother meant by her doing everything Howard told her and she didn’t like it at all and was thankful when he finally rolled over and fell asleep.

Her whole body ached and she didn’t like the constant pain throbbing between her legs; but even though it hurt Faith knew better than to say no to her new husband.

That wasn’t the only thing that bothered her though; Faith just didn’t want to be here at all she felt like her life changed all too much in just twenty-four hours. She would simply give anything to go back home but she knew she couldn’t not after her father had gotten that money for her dowry.

Faith was just another child bride in her family she knew that her father never saw her as anything more than that since the day she was born. A child bride with a dowry.

The next morning Howard left the house for work leaving Faith with instructions telling her to clean the house and have dinner ready for when he came home.

As soon as he left Faith immediately got in the shower and tried to scrub and clean her body free of Howard’s touch but even afterwards she still felt dirty and upset.

Howard had warned Faith not to use the telephone in the kitchen and she knew that she would be risking defying him but she had to call her mother; she still wanted to have some connection with her family.

Faith anxiously waited on the other side of the line for phone to pick up.

“….”

“….”

“….”

“…Hello?”

“Momma”

“Faith what’s wrong? Why are you calling here you know you’re not allowed to call here anymore---“

“Momma I want to come home”

“Faith your home is right where you are now with your new husband”

“Momma please” she cried “I can’t do this he made me have sex with him last night and it hurt really bad it still hurts”

“It was your wedding night you were supposed to do as he wanted” Glenda said, “you’ll get used to it and it won’t hurt all the time”

Get used to it? Faith couldn’t believe that her mother was telling her this

“Momma I never wanted this”

“I know sweetie” her mother said more softly “that’s why I named you Faith when you were born so that you’d be strong enough for this”

“But Momma I can’t do this I want to come home---“

“Faith Annalise you stop crying right now you hear me” Glenda said firmly “you’re going to have to learn that sometimes we have to things in life that we don’t necessarily like but they must be done”

“Now you listen to me” she continued “you make sure this is the last time you call you hear me? Don’t you ever call this house again”

“But why Momma?”

“You’re not a child anymore” she said rather coldly and detached “you’re a man’s wife now”

With that said Glenda hung up the phone

“Momma?”

“Momma?”

“Momma?”

No matter how many times Faith called for her she knew that her mother cut her off and it was a done deal. This was her life now and just when Faith thought she had run out tears to cry more came down her face.

Faith would cry every day for the first couple of weeks for her marriage.

A few days later Faith received an email that she was in fact eligible for the Physical Screening Test and she was elated.

“What?” Leah smiled “girl get out!”

“I’m serious look”

“I guess October twentieth can’t get here fast enough” Leah said reading the email

“Nope and I’m ready now too”

“I’m glad this all coming along for you Faith”

“Thanks Leah”

“Is it bad that just a tiny part of me hopes you don’t leave? You’re my best friend”

“I know Leah and you’re mine too”

“She has to actually pass the PST before you two start celebrating” their cabin mate Dominique Smith said

“She’s as good as in as far as I’m concerned” Leah said, “besides I didn’t see you send a request Dom”

“Maybe it’s because I know my limits as a woman” Dominique said “not to mention I’m actually being realistic; there are some men who don’t even get selected what makes you think you can get selected Jamison?”

“I won’t know unless I try” Faith said

Dominique shook her head “I think you’re wasting your time trying to be some black Mulan type warrior or something but okay good luck”

“Just ignore Dom she’s just jealous,” Leah said, “you got this girl”

“I know I do”

It was early morning five o’clock in the morning early the sun wasn’t even out yet but Conrad was up along with second and third class petty officers Daniel Boone and Anthony Yeager to do a few laps around the base’s track field.

The three petty officers had been selected to take the PST and they were pretty pumped to begin getting in shape for it. The men were already quite in shape given their status but the practice couldn’t hurt.

“Looks like somebody’s already out here” Anthony said, “is that Jamison?”

“Well I’ll be damned it sure as hell is” Daniel confirmed

Conrad looked into the direction his two friends were looking and sure enough Faith was coming around the track towards them.

How long had she been out here?

The better question was why was she out here?

“Jamison!” Conrad called after her

Faith mentally rolled her eyes and braced herself because it seemed like everything she did Conrad disapprove of.

“Yes Officer?”

“Kind of early for running laps don’t you think?” he asked her

“I don’t think so no” Faith replied, “I have a good reason to be out here”

“Oh and what reason would that happen to be?”

“I’m getting ready for the PST”

The three petty officers including Conrad looked at Faith in complete shock much to her amusement.

“Jamison you’ve got to be kidding” Daniel said

“I wouldn’t be out here if I was kidding” Faith insisted “I’m not losing two extra hours of sleep for no reason”

Conrad noted the confident smile on Faith’s face and was both amused by it as well as a bit annoyed; he didn’t think that she would actually be selected. It looked to be the case though.

“Well you know the PST is no walk in the park Jamison” Anthony warned

“I’m aware of that” Faith said, “that’s not going to change my mind”

“Women” the petty officer chuckled rolling his eyes

“Don’t sweat it Ant” Daniel said laughing, “she’ll be out as soon as she breaks a nail”

"I heard that---“ Faith was about to run after the two of them before Conrad took a hold of her wrist “hey let me go Ramsey!”

“Officer Ramsey”

“Whatever” Faith sighed annoyed shaking her wrist from his grasp

“You know if you do happen to pass the PST and go on with training you’re going to have to stop being so sensitive” Conrad said “Boone and Yeager were just joking with you they’re actually pretty progressive in their beliefs”

“Unlike you?”

Regardless of what Conrad believed in about women training in a space traditionally meant for men; he couldn’t help but admire Faith’s persistence. Of course her stubbornness did annoy him in everything else but for this it was channeled the right way.

“This is important to you huh?”

“Yes”

Conrad fond himself a bit curious as to why but decided not to ponder on it

“Are you going to get your assignments done today?”

“You know I will”

“That’s not what I asked you Jamison”

“I will”

“When you’re asked?”

“Yes”

Conrad didn’t know if Faith was just agreeing with him so she could go on about her laps after he dismissed her or if she really meant it; for some reason something inside him had a feeling she was telling the truth.

“Okay Jamison” Conrad finally said “I’m taking your word for it”

“Thank you Officer”

If nobody had heard that Faith Jamison was one of the selected fifteen to take the PST yet it was known by the end of the week. Some of the men like Daniel and Anthony didn’t seem to mind or let it phase them. Conrad was on the fence about the idea. While most of the men didn’t like it one bit.

On a laid back Friday evening some of the officers were relaxing in the mess hall and the topic came up in discussion.

“Who the hell does she think she is?” Ronald Ferry Jr. grunted. Ron was the son of Officer Ronald Ferry he was two years older than Conrad and a rank above him being Chief Petty Officer.

Some argued that the only reason Ron got his position was because of his father and it was the only reason he had been selected for the PST; so he really didn’t have much room to talk.

“Come on Ferry you’re really threatened by Jamison?” Daniel asked trying to reason with him “don’t forget your father is the one who filled out her NC sheet”

“He didn’t think that she’d actually get selected”

“Well neither did we but she did” Anthony insisted

Ron spat on the dark wad of tobacco he was chewing on and said “It ain’t right she needs to stay in her damn place”

Ron looked over at Conrad and chuckled “Ramsey agrees with me don’t cha Ramsey?”

“What do you mean Ferry?”

“You’re the one who has to deal with her half the damn time” Ron said chucking off a new wad to chew on “hell everyone knows she difficult”

“Jamison is a good seaman despite her stubbornness” Conrad said “she’s been up at the crack of dawn each day this week running laps and still has the energy to do her assignments”

Which was more Conrad could say of Ron who wasn’t up early like the rest of them getting ready for PST.

“You getting soft on Jamison?” Ron asked raising his eyebrows

“No I’m just saying that her stubbornness is getting her somewhere right now”

“Tell us the truth Ramsey” Ron teased “is her pussy just as stubborn?”

Conrad looked at Ron who had a disgusting grin on his face and frowned at him

“Really Ferry? I’m engaged and I have my first kid on the way”

“Yeah engaged not married” Ron said “nothing wrong with sampling before settling down; Jamison is probably a hot little thing without her uniform”

“That’s not funny Ferry”

“I’m serious” Ron said “hell I’d fuck her you know what they say about black women in bed besides she probably needs a stiff dick to put her in her place”

Some of the men who saw things Ron’s way agreed and they chuckled along with him.

Conrad didn’t find it Ron’s comment funny not with the many stories about women being sexually harassed and assaulted while they’re on duty. It wasn’t just that but Conrad didn’t like Ron talking about Faith so crudely period.

“Don’t talk about Jamison like that Ferry it’s crude” Conrad said

“Lighten up Ramsey she’s just a woman” Ron replied “let her have her fun training and or whatever she’s doing you and I both know she’s not going to pass the PST”

Conrad honestly had no idea but because of all of the unexpected things he had seen from Faith so far the possibility of her passing the PST was pretty high. They would find out in five weeks.

Faith closed her eyes and tears fell when she heard Howard enter the bathroom and she knew he was going to get in the shower with her.

They had been married for six months now but Faith still got shivers down her spine whenever he touched her but she didn’t dare object to him.

Faith didn’t like Howard invading her space when she was bathing she at least wanted time to herself for that. She flinched when the grown man pulled back the shower curtain.

Howard then looked her up and down and said, “It’s high time you became with child”

“….no”

“What was that?”

“I don’t want to---“

Howard quickly and roughly pressed Faith up against the shower wall with her hands behind her back and barked at her “What did you say girl?”

Tears fell and Faith had no choice but to mutter “Nothing sir”

“That’s what I thought” Howard replied as he began to position himself to violate her body and soul once more.

“...no….no….NO!”

“Oh my god Jamison shut the hell up!” Dominique said

Faith woke up to find herself in her bunk with the rest of her cabin mates that had awoken once again by her frightened moaning in her sleep.

She wiped away sheen of sweat from her forehead and sat up. Faith hadn’t thought about that bastard in seven years so why all of a sudden now?

“Faith are you okay?” Leah asked with her head poking down to check on her friend in the lower bunk.

“I’m fine” Faith insisted

“You better be because some of us are trying to get two more hours of sleep!” Dominique snapped from across the room.

Two hours? Faith looked over at the clock and it already read that it was quarter to five and she quickly got up.

“Hey slow down Faith are you positive you’re okay?” Leah asked watching her friend throw on some jogging trousers and a t-shirt

“Yeah I just….I’m fine” Faith quickly dismissed it “I just need some fresh air that’s all”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure”

“I’m sure you two better shut the hell up already!” Dominique chimed in

“I’m fine Leah I’ll see you at breakfast”

“Okay”

The cool early morning air felt good on Faith’s face as she made her way around the track. Faith loved running not only was it a good way to get ready for the test but it certainly relaxed her and was a huge stress reliever. Faith remembered when she first joined the Navy it was one of the things she excelled at and the officers noted it.

When asked if she had ran track in high school Faith had no choice but to answer no. Faith never got to attend high school; she was a young woman with a GED and a seventh grade education. She hadn’t attended high school because at that age she was a wife and the other half was spent temporarily in juvenile detention.

Faith went still when Howard finished in her and he grunted at her

“Turn this off I’m not paying for cold water”

Howard exited the shower and Faith slid to the tub floor whimpering

Faith ran a little faster as if that would help to erase the memory but it didn’t.

A tear rolled down her cheek and when she tried to wipe it away; Faith tripped on one of her shoelaces and fell.

Dammit why was she so upset over this? She thought she left that asshole in her past. This was her present and future right here right now.

“Jamison!”

Faith looked up to see Conrad jogging towards her and she quickly got up and wiped her face.

“You alright?” he asked “I saw that nasty fall you took”

“I’m fine Officer” Faith insisted

Conrad didn’t look convinced by her answer and he swore he saw a bit of sadness on her face and frustration in her voice.

“Why don’t you take it easy for a bit and just focus on your assignments for today?” he suggested “the PST isn’t for another five weeks”

“I’m fine” Faith insisted, “may I get back to my laps please?”

“As long as you don’t over do it”

“I won’t”

Conrad stood back a minute and watched Faith continue running and wondered what that was all about. It was the first time he had ever seen Faith act that way.

Faith watched Howard pull out of the driveway and leave for work; when she could no longer see the car she knew that she had to move fast. Quickly she dragged out the duffel bag that she been packing for the past few weeks out of the closet and gathered some more clothes together.

Faith was scared and she honestly didn’t know where she would go. There wasn’t a lot of places a fifteen-year-old girl who only had a middle school education and was currently four months pregnant to go.

She wasn’t old enough to work or rent an apartment but something was telling her she had to go; even though it scared the hell out of her.

Faith was hoping she could find a youth home somewhere that could take care of both her unborn baby because she knew for a fact that neither her nor the baby wouldn't be safe here with Howard.

Faith remembered what Howard said to her when she informed him that she was pregnant.

“Good” he said “it better be a boy”

“And if it’s a girl?”

“Why would it be?” Howard spat nastily “it don’t need to be a girl cause then it would just be you all over again you dumb bitch”

That hurt very much and Faith had a strange feeling in the back of her mind that the baby was in fact a girl. Faith remembered how her mother Glenda carried her younger brothers when she was pregnant with them and it was more low and narrow while her belly was high and wide.

No matter what the baby was Faith knew it was important to get the both of them out of here. Faith rubbed her growing bump when she felt the baby kick inside her.

“It’s okay Butterfly” she whispered “we’re getting out of here today”

It was the nickname she gave to her baby the first time she felt it flutter in her womb and it stuck. Even though Faith didn’t want this baby at first she eventually grew attached to it.

As far as money Faith had about one hundred dollars saved up in cash from searching through Howard’s laundry from all of the twenty and fifty dollar bills she found in the pockets of his pants.

Howard had a drinking and gambling addiction and no matter how much they needed other things around the house he still put away money for his bad habits.

The lights could go out but Howard sure as hell had had his money for his addictions.

One hundred dollars would only be enough to get her a bus ticket, a meal or two, and the rest she’d have to hold on to. Faith wanted to go back home but she knew her parents were set in their ways and she hadn’t had a place at home in almost two years now.

She was all alone now.

Faith checked the clock it was already almost noon and she had to get down to the bus depot in time for the one fifteen bus that was leaving and she still had to walk.

“Okay Butterfly it’s just you and me now”

Faith gathered her duffel bag and slowly made her way down the stairs and out the door. It was the first step but Faith wasn’t going take a breath of relief until she found herself sitting on the greyhound bus to take her far away from this hell. She was still in a risk zone while she was making her way to the bus depot.

At noon Howard got off for lunch and he was eager to go over to the market to get his lottery tickets. When he dug into his pockets he realized that he had left his extra cash at home in his other pair of pants. He’d have to swing back home and get them if he wanted any chance of drawing up his winning number.

Howard was driving back home when he saw a young lady crossing the street with a duffel bag to the bus depot. Looking closely Howard saw the baby bump on the young lady’s figure and when he happened to recognize the young lady he pressed the gas petal hard.

Faith’s heart sunk when she recognized Howard’s car. Wasn’t he supposed to be at work?

It seemed like the whole world was crumbling around her and fast; when Faith tried to quickly make her way into the bus depot Howard got out of the car and called her

“FAITH!”

Trying to run with a duffel bag and extra weight from her pregnancy was hard and there was no way she could outrun Howard. Howard snatched Faith by the arm and she yelled hoping to get the people’s attention around her.

It was because of their obvious age difference most people probably thought that Faith was just a disobedient teen girl running away from her father; not a scared wife trying to leave her abusive husband. So folks minded their own business and Faith cried louder.

“HELP!” she cried “SOMEBODY PLEASE---“

“SHUT UP!” Howard barked at her slapping her across the face “GET IN THE DAMN CAR RIGHT NOW!”

“NO!”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?”

“I said…no” Faith said slowly and calmly “I’m leaving”

“Leaving?!?” Howard chuckled harshly “and where the hell are you going to go?”

Tears fell down Faith’s face because she honestly had no idea where to go but anywhere would be better than here with him. Howard didn’t wait for Faith to answer and dragged her over to the car and the two of them made their way back to the house.

On the way Howard continued to verbally abuse her and even mocked her.

“Leaving” he laughed bitterly “you ain’t nothing but a fifteen-year-old knocked up bitch who barely finished grade school you don’t know a damn thing!”

Faith couldn’t believe what Howard was saying to her since he was the one who had gotten her pregnant.

“Get your ass back in here and get dinner together!” Howard said shoving her in the house once he opened the front door “I leave work to get my money for lottery tickets and find you leaving get the fuck out of here!”

Faith watched Howard go upstairs to search through his pants for the extra cash and braced herself for his reaction; since she had that cash to run away.

“FAITH!” Howard bellowed “GET YOUR ASS UP HERE RIGHT NOW!”

Faith went upstairs to see Howard rummaging through all of his pants to find the cash that was in her duffel bag.

“Where’s my cash?”

“Cash?”

“Oh so now you want to be fucking stupid?!?” he raised his voice “you wash the clothes you dumb bitch! Where’s my cash?”

“I don’t know”

“Really?” Howard said going back downstairs “you looked like you put a lot of shit in that damn bag you were ‘leaving’ with”

Snatching up the duffel bag Howard ripped it open and poured out it’s contents.

Faith had a fifty dollar bill with two twenty dollar bills and a ten dollar bill adding up to one hundred dollars total rolled up and held together with a paper clip.

“What’s this?” Howard asked holding up the paper clipped money “looks like my cash to me you don’t work”

Faith looked at the floor not wanting to meet Howard’s angry gaze.

“LOOK AT ME YOU DUMB BITCH!” he bellowed “IS THIS MY CASH?”

“….yes”

Before Faith knew it she found herself on the floor after Howard punched her in the face causing her to fall over.

“AFTER ALL I DO FOR YOU! YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE BITCH! YOU STEAL FROM ME?!?”

“I d-d-didn’t mean to---“

“Bullshit” Howard said cutting her off “get up and go make dinner”

Faith got up to make her way downstairs however when she wasn’t moving fast enough for him Howard pushed her. Loosing her balance Faith slipped and went tumbling down the stairs landing on her belly.

It hurt badly. Very bad. Despite that Howard continued to bark at her “GET UP! AIN’T NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!”

But something did feel wrong and an intense cramping feeling in her belly stopped Faith from getting up.

Frustrated and annoyed Howard yanked Faith up by her arm and she bellowed in pain; and a bright red stain began to seep though her pants.

“NO!” Faith cried when she realized what was happening “NO! BUTTERFLY!”

Howard must have realized this too because he pushed her outside to the car and snarled at her “Now look what you did! Stop crying! now we got to get to the damn hospital!”

Hours later Faith was laying in the hospital bed recovering from the D&C procedure she had to have done after the doctors had concluded that the nasty fall she took caused her to miscarry her baby.

Faith couldn’t believe that Butterfly was gone just like that and her suspicions were correct; the doctors told her that she miscarried a baby girl that was less than two pounds.

Of course after finding out the baby was a girl Howard didn’t really feel that bad and said “It’s one less bitch’s mouth I have to feed”

Although the doctors explained to Howard that Faith needed to stay at the hospital to recover for at least twenty-four hours from the procedure; he insisted that she come home.

“And give you motherfuckers more money on the damn bill? I don’t think so!” Howard argued with them

Faith had no choice but to go back home with Howard, which was the equivalent of going to hell in her opinion. At least Butterfly was in a better place.

“Faith you look beat” Leah observed at dinner noting how Faith hadn’t touched much of her food

“I’m good” Faith replied even though she had been trying to get the same piece of steak off her plate for the past five minutes now.

“Somebody deserves a good night’s sleep” their cabin mate Yazmin Davis pointed out “you’re practically about to fall asleep in your mashed potatoes”

“I think we all deserve a good night’s sleep” Dominique spoke up “Lord only knows if we’ll get it with Jamison screaming her head off every night”

As much as Faith wanted to argue with Dominique she knew that she had a point. Faith honestly didn’t know what was bringing on all these horrible dreams and memories about her past. Things she thought that she had let go of years ago were still in the back of her conscious.

“Could it be that you’re just stressing out about the PST?” Leah suggested “I don’t think you have much to worry about you’ve been training every morning for the past two weeks now”

That was true Faith was up almost every morning and was not only running on the track she had also been doing push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups.

Faith even planned on getting up early the next morning to start training in the pool at the base’s gym; there was a part of the test where she’d have to do a five hundred yard swim in less than twelve minutes and thirty seconds.

Faith managed to give Leah a little smile though “No it’s not the PST it’s just something else that’s been on my mind”

“Well make sure you keep that ‘something else’ to yourself tonight” Dominique said

It was late afternoon and Howard would be home from work any minute and the meatloaf, carrots, and biscuits Faith made for dinner were waiting for him warm in the oven.

Faith ran her hands across the soft yellow blanket that she had been crocheting for months now. The blanket had been for her daughter Butterfly who would have been three months old by now had Faith actually delivered her.

Even though her baby wasn’t with her Faith still wanted a piece of her it was comforting and gave her peace of mind. Although Faith missed Butterfly greatly and she didn’t even get to meet her perhaps it was for the best that God took her. Faith was already in a shitty situation it wasn’t fair to bring an innocent baby into it.

Faith heard the front door slam and she knew that Howard was home. She heard him rummaging through the kitchen and he must of looked in the oven and got frustrated and confronted her in the dining room.

“Meatloaf again?” Howard said annoyed “really?”

“That was the only thing I could find to make in the freezer,” Faith explained

“What the hell is that?”

“Nothing” Faith said trying to hide both the blanket and the yarn in her lap under the table

“Give it to me girl” he said sternly

“I’m still working on it---“ Faith tried to explain but Howard yanked it out of her grasp and sent the ball of yarn flying as well.

“What is this?”

“…..”

“Speak up girl!” Howard barked at her

“It’s a blanket”

“A blanket? For what?”

“It was for the baby,” Faith whispered

“Then what fuck you making it for?!?” Howard grunted at her obviously annoyed “you miscarried remember dumbass and you aren’t expecting no baby right now!”

“I…I..I just wanted to finish it---“

“No what you should be doing is actually making me something other than meatloaf!” he cut her off “and you sitting here making blankets for a dead baby!”

“I’m sorry sir” Faith said “can I please have my blanket back?”

Howard didn’t answer her instead he dropped the blanket on the floor and stomped his grimy boots into the soft blanket making it dirty.

Howard picked it back up and threw it at Faith

“Throw that piece of shit in the trash and make me a real dinner!” Howard barked as she quickly made her way back to the kitchen “and I better not hear any damn crying either!”

Faith woke up to her pillow drenched with tears and a bit of snot from her crying and she tried to be quiet to not upset Dominique again. However Leah heard her and her friend climbed down from her bunk to see to her.

“Faith” she whispered, “seriously what’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“No obviously it’s something” Leah said “you wouldn’t be this upset if it were over nothing”

“Leah I just can’t okay”

“You can’t what?”

“I have to get ready” Faith said getting up and wiping her teary face “I’ll see you at breakfast Leah”

“I don’t think you should go this morning,” Leah said

“I’ll feel better once I’m in the water” she insisted

“Oh my god just go already so the rest of us can sleep!” Dominique snapped.

Conrad was about to enter gym’s pool when he saw Faith doing her breaststrokes and couldn’t help but chuckle. Damn this was one persistent woman.

It seemed she had beat him to every workout station in the gym so far every morning and now the pool too.

Faith of course would have to more than likely train harder than everybody else just because of the fact that she faced the possibility of not being taken seriously because of her gender.

Hell Conrad wouldn’t be surprised if she would be rejected even if she did pass the PST; the SEALS were still seen as a man’s position. As Faith got out of the pool she sat on the edge and wrapped her towel around herself and sat there to catch her breath for a minute.

“That was pretty impressive Jamison”

Faith looked over her shoulder to see Conrad close the door behind him

“You were watching me Officer?”

“I happened to see a little bit yes” he replied “you’re quite the athlete did you swim or run track in high school?”

“No I actually just focused on academics in high school” Faith partially lied not wanting to admit that her teenage life was hell

“Well then that’s a shame you would have been great” Conrad said taking his shirt and pants off until he was down to his swim trunks and sat across from her

“I’m glad that you think so,” Faith said not really wanting to talk right now

“You didn’t have to stop because I walked in”

“I was just getting ready to leave anyway” she said “I want to shower before breakfast”

“Jamison its Sunday there’s no rush to go get breakfast it runs until at least eleven today”

“Oh” Faith said, “I actually forgot it was Sunday”

“It’s also visitation today too” Conrad said, “do you have anyone coming to see you this afternoon? Family? Friends?”

The only family that had been visiting Faith was her younger brothers Wesley, Kenneth, and Dmitri. They were between seventeen to fourteen years old and still lived at home.

Wesley the oldest brother was only about six years old when Faith had been married off and sent to live with Faith and had been old enough to notice his older sister’s absence.

The base was about two transit buses away from her childhood home.

After what happened with Howard and doing time in juvie Faith knew that her parents knew where she was but they hadn’t seen her since she was in juvie.

Faith knew that her father Robert was filling her brothers’ heads with bullshit about what a scorned and bad woman their big sister was; but at least because of their genders they weren’t married off or out of school. In fact Wesley was set to graduate high school the following spring and Faith was happy for him.

As much as she loved seeing her brothers when they would come see her she warned them not to come too often because God only knows what Robert would do to them if he found out they were visiting her. They still had to live with that asshole and her mother Glenda wouldn’t dare raise her voice against her husband.

“No” Faith said

“Nobody at all?”

“It’s fine I’m not that close with my family anyway”

Conrad decided not to push the topic when he noticed the small hint of sadness in her voice to his surprise she asked him

“Is your wife coming to see you Officer?”

“Yes my fiancée and her mother but this may be her last visit though” he replied “she’s going to be having our first baby around Thanksgiving”

“That’s good” Faith said

“I’m sure you’ll settle down too someday Jamison”

“I doubt it,” she said quickly nipping that marriage conversation in the bud “I don’t think marriage and family is for everyone; besides I’m more of a loner”

“Even the most highest ranked SEALS have a family to go home to Jamison”

“They’re the lucky ones then” Faith replied

Conrad frowned wondering why Faith would say something like that before he could ask why; Ron entered the room

“Look who we have here Ramsey and Jamison” Ron chuckled

“Ramsey” Conrad greeted reluctantly

“What are you two doing? You teaching Jamison how to actually swim or just do water aerobics?”

“I actually know how to swim Ferry” Faith spat back “thank you very much”

“Sure you do sweetie and I know how to bake an apple pie” Ron chuckled

Faith didn’t reply instead she decided to prove her point; unwrapping herself from her towel she dived in the water and did a perfect breaststroke from this end of the pool to the other end and back.

Faith climbed out of the pool and looked Ron dead in the eye daring him to say something and much to her dismay he did.

“That was cute Jamison I don’t think it’s SEAL ready though” Ron said

“I don’t care what you think Ferry I know it is” Faith said having the last word and gathered her things to leave for the showers

“Really Ferry?” Conrad said, “you know that was pretty damn good”

“I know those tits and that ass of hers looks pretty damn good” Ron said “I’m telling you she just needs a stiff dick one of these days and I might give it to her too”

“You better not Ferry” Conrad warned

“Why do you care so much Ramsey?” Ron teased “what about your fiancée?”

“You know what I mean Ferry”

“Don’t be getting all ethical with me Ramsey it’s not professional to have growing feelings for one of the damn seamen or in this case should I say sea women”

Conrad swore he was going to knock Ron’s head off his shoulder one of these days.

“Should Conrad be home in time for the baby?” Anne asked her daughter as they parked in the base’s parking lot

“Yes” Heather replied, “there’s no way he’d miss the birth of his first son”

“Well he is a good man and I know he’ll be there” Anne said “I’m so excited to have him as my son-in-law”

“I can’t wait either Mom” Heather said. Conrad was quite the catch. Handsome, smart, tough, yet loving he would be an awesome husband and father. Which was why Heather needed Sean to stop calling her; it was a one time fling and that was it she already decided Conrad would be her child’s father.

There wasn’t much she could at this point she just prayed to God that Sean wouldn’t show up at the damn hospital the day she was due to deliver.

“There he is” Anne beamed

“Afternoon Ms. Kuhn”

“Call me Mom” Anne insisted “you’ll be my son-in-law soon”

“Hello beautiful” Conrad greeted kissing his blushing fiancée on the cheek and Heather couldn’t help but to bask in their loving hold.

“And how’s little man doing in there?” Conrad asked gently caressing her belly; since Heather knew the truth about her baby’s paternity it felt a little bit weird for Conrad to pat her belly

“He’s doing good” Heather said, “the doctor said he should be dropping by the first week of November”

“The house is coming along nice as well” Anne added “and if the baby shows up on time it will be a Thanksgiving dinner, a house warming, and welcoming my new grandson”

“That’s great” Conrad said

“When is your PST scheduled?”

“It’s coming up pretty quick” Conrad replied “it’s already the thirtieth and it’s supposed to be on the twentieth”

“Are you training?”

“In the process yes” Conrad said, “fifteen of us here got selected”

“I heard that there’s a woman planning on taking the PST too” Anne said “I guess the plans for allowing women in the SEALS in going thorough”

“Yeah she’s actually pretty impressive” Conrad said, “she has a good chance”

“She’s probably a dyke or a lesbian” Heather said rather rudely “no straight woman with any decency would do that”

Conrad frowned a little bit at Heather’s comment which was weird since he shouldn’t even care that much.

Anne could sense the awkward tension between them after Heather made that statement and quickly changed the topic.

“Have you two settled on a name yet?”

“I still want Aidan” Heather said, “I like it’s cute”

“Maybe Aidan can be his middle name” Conrad suggested, “it’s too popular as a first name”

The rest of the visitation hour was spent talking about Thanksgiving plans, baby names, the baby’s nursery, and Conrad’s plans if he did pass the PST. All the while for some reason Conrad still was thinking about what Heather said about Faith not only was it rude it was stereotypical.

Just because Faith was interested in becoming a SEAL didn’t mean she was a dyke or a lesbian. Heather didn’t know one thing about Faith not even her name.

Then again Conrad didn’t know that much about Faith either.

With her sixteenth birthday coming up it would mark three years since Faith and Howard got married. Howard was annoyed that within all this time they still didn’t have a child a son in particular. When Butterfly had been miscarried Howard didn’t care since he didn’t want another stupid girl in the house like Faith who was good for nothing.

Even after three years Faith still cringed when Howard touched her when he had sex with her she always pretended she was somewhere else. Faith knew that once she did turn sixteen she’d be able to get a part time job and hopefully save enough to get away from Howard for good.

Howard frowned when he saw Faith with newspapers and applications spread out on the dining room table. Scratching his belly and taking a sip of Heineken Howard snorted at her.

“What the hell is all this?”

“Job applications and postings”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes” Faith said “I’m turning sixteen soon so I’ll be old enough to work”

“Oh really?” Howard chuckled harshly “what the hell do you need a job for?”

“To make some money”

“You trying to say I don’t make enough money for the two of us?”

“No I just want some of my own”

“Oh yeah for what?” Howard pondered, “you better not be thinking of running away again”

Faith didn’t say anything to that and it angered Howard. He slammed his beer bottle down to the ground sending pieces of glass flying everywhere and snatched Faith by the arm almost twisting it.

“You running away Faith!?! Huh?”

“No sir!” Faith cried, “you’re hurting me! let me go!”

“You think I’m fucking stupid?!?” Howard continued to bark at her “you ain’t got dinner fixed but you out here looking for a job! You not running from me Faith!”

“I promise I won’t run sir!”

Howard let go of Faith and slapped her hard across the face. Tears fell as Faith rubbed her cheek and Howard continued to verbally abuse her

“You ain’t got nowhere to go no way you dumb bitch and don’t nobody want you either”

Faith laid curled up in a ball on her side of the bed as usual listening to Howard snore loudly.

“You ain’t got nowhere to go no way you dumb bitch and don’t nobody want you either”

It was true she had nowhere to go and nobody wanted her.

Nowhere to go

Nobody wanted her.

That couldn’t be true Faith didn’t want it to be true; there had to be somewhere she could go and somebody who wanted her. Faith couldn’t count on her hands how many times she tried to leave Howard and failed in doing so. Apparently now it had gotten to a point where Howard was now openly mocking her for trying to leave him.

Faith didn’t know how much more of this she could take; she couldn’t even call the police since Howard got rid of their phone line nor could she leave since Howard barred all the windows and locked the doors.

Was this what her parents gave her up for? To have her beaten and abused everyday? Faith knew that she didn’t certainly sign up for this and she knew that if she stayed any longer then there was no doubt that Howard would eventually kill her.

Faith felt that Howard had been killing her little by little everyday for the past three years now and enough was enough. She had to leave this time but how?

Faith knew the answer and she knew how but she was scared.

The only way she was ever going to get away from Howard was to kill him.

“Faith! girl where you at? It’s time for you to shave me!”

Faith cringed she hated shaving Howard he was a grown man and she had to shave him. It was one of the first things Howard made her do when he first brought her to his house and called it one her wifely duties.

Howard’s definition of shaving extended from more than just his face he forced her to bathe him which oddly enough would arouse him. Usually the session would end with Howard having sex with her and she hated that.

Faith entered the bathroom to find her middle aged fat bellied husband already laying in the bathtub with shaving cream on his face.

“What you waiting for you know the drill” he snapped at her “get over here before the water gets cold”

Faith reluctantly sat in the chair next to the bathtub with the shaving utensils to service Howard. It took a long time to shave him since he had very old-fashioned razor.

Howard sat back and relaxed while Faith began to shave his face.

“So you throw out that notation of filling out those applications?” he asked

“Yes sir” Faith said reluctantly

“Good” Howard replied “what we really need to be doing is working on getting you pregnant again”

A chill went down her spine and her whole body shook at the thought of it

“Yup” Howard said, “might be lucky this time and it will stick too and be a boy”

“I…I…I don’t want to”

With that being said Howard sat up a little and frowned at her

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t want another baby I wanted Butterfly” Faith said “and you killed her”

“Girl you full of shit I didn’t kill that baby you miscarried it”

“You pushed me down the stairs---“

“You keep talking all that smack and I’ll push down those stairs again,” Howard said seriously “you’re my wife Faith Annalise and it’s one of your wifely duties to give me a son”

“And you’re going to stop talking about that damn Butterfly baby” he said harshly “what kind of fucking name is that anyway?”

Faith fought back some tears as she continued to shave Howard’s jaw

“You also going to have to start cooking other things” he went on to say “I’m tired of eating the sorry ass things you make meals didn’t your momma teach you anything?”

“I’m sorry sir---“

“Well sorry ain’t cutting it” Howard said, “you need to do better”

“I’m trying”

Howard slapped her across the face and barked, “You ain’t trying hard enough!”

“You’re supposed to do what I say, when I say, and how I want you to” he said “no questions asked stop being so damn difficult”

Howard motioned for her to take the washcloth and start scrubbing him down.

“A good wife does what her husband tells her to do and doesn’t question it”

“I think your parents spoiled you hell your snatch was still open when I married you and I had to take your father’s word for it that you were a virgin; if you had been born in Nigeria you would have been snipped and stitched”

Those words hurt but then again that didn’t surprise Faith since Howard always talked to her that way.

Howard then chuckled “You were a virgin alright though with all that damn squirming around you did that night crying about how I was hurting you”

That was a low right there even for Howard’s demented ass he was mocking her for how terrified and hurt she was on their so called wedding night. He was a true bastard.

Faith did her best to continue with her task as she scrubbed the washcloth further down his belly and already she could see Howard’s erection bobbing around under the bubbles of the water.

“Alright I know you aren’t going to just ignore that are you?”

“No sir but---

“No buts about it” Howard said “c’mon girl get those damn clothes off”

“No”

“What?”

“I said no Howard” Faith said more boldly this time “I’m not doing it”

“Did you just say no to me girl?” Howard asked sitting up “and then call me by my name?”

“Yes I did” she replied, “Howard is your name not sir”

Faith knew she was stepping the line now even Celie didn’t call Mister by his real name Albert in The Color Purple but she didn’t care because eventually Celie called Mister out on his bullshit and now this was her moment to do so.

“God must be testing me today because I know you didn’t just say what you said; don’t make me get out of this tub and beat your ass Faith”

“No” Faith said standing her ground “you’re not going to touch me because I’m leaving and this time you’re not going to stop me”

Howard laughed “You’re full of shit you know that? You know how many times you tried to leave and I still got your ass back? When are you going to learn you can’t get away from me?”

Faith didn’t answer him and instead got up and left the bathroom. That was the last straw she was leaving and she wasn’t at all surprised to hear Howard’s footsteps stomping angrily behind her.

It didn’t take long for Howard to wrap a towel around his waist and come after her in fact Faith was expecting it. Howard angrily snatched Faith towards him grinding his much larger frame against her smaller one.

“Let go of me!” Faith cried, “let go of me Howard!”

“SHUT UP!” Howard barked now trying to yank Faith’s jeans off “I’VE HAD ENOUGH THIS SASS COMING OUT OF YOU NOW LAY DOWN!”

“NO!”

It was a session Faith unfortunately knew all too well; putting up a fight with Howard refusing to give in but the end he eventually won. He always won. Not this time. Just as Howard unzipped her jeans Faith gathered all the strength within her to push him off her.

Howard went tumbling backward and the back of his head ended up hitting the dresser.

“YOU LITTLE BITCH!” he hissed at her holding his hand to the back of his head only to discover that he was bleeding.

Faith quickly slipped her way past Howard; her duffel bag was already packed and ready by the backdoor.

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?!?” he barked snatching her by the ankle of her foot; and Faith fell down.

“COME HERE!”

Howard was now pulling her back to him and Faith kicked him square in the nose and it cracked.

“YOU BETTER STOP THAT SHIT OR YOU’RE GOING TO BE SORRY!”

Faith wriggled her way free from Howard’s grasp and went to the safe box in the hallway closet and fished out Howard’s shotgun.

“YOU GET BACK HERE FAITH! I’M NOT FUCKING PLAYING---“

Howard staggered himself out into the hallway to find Faith pointing his shotgun right at him. Of course Howard wasn’t scared because he knew Faith wouldn’t dare shoot him he was her husband after all.

“Girl you better put that thing down before you hurt yourself”

“I’ll shoot”

“Girl what foolishness are you talking about? you don’t know how to shoot no damn gun”

“I’m going to shoot”

“And what are you going to do once you shoot me? You can’t do nothing own your own you don’t know how to do a damn thing” Howard said bitterly “you’re nothing without me hell your own parents don’t even want you back it’s not like they’d be able to marry you off again”

Tears fell down Faith’s cheeks because she knew what he said was in fact true.

“Now c’mon give me that gun so we can get back to doing our do---“

“No”

“FAITH I’M NOT FUCKING PLAYING GIVE ME THAT GUN RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!”

That was all the answers she needed when Howard came running towards her; Faith then pulled the trigger.

“We, the jury, find the defendant, Faith Annalise Jamison guilty of the charge of first degree murder of Howard Yancy Patterson”

Faith felt the world stand completely still as the verdict was read. On one side of the courtroom were her supporters who believed that after giving her testimony; she killed Howard for her safety.

On the other side much to her dismay were her parents Robert and Glenda whom she hadn’t seen in almost three years with her three little brothers who had no idea that their sister was now a convicted murderer. Howard’s relatives looked satisfied with the verdict, which didn’t come as a surprise.

After shooting Howard Faith fled the house as quickly as she could with her duffel bag and the paperclip of money and made it all the way to the bus depot.

While paying for her bus fare the ticket person was alarmed by the amount of blood splattered on Faith’s clothes and hands and contacted the police.

The police once contacted made their way over to the house to discover Howard’s dead body toppled over with a single gunshot wound to his chest as well as the open wound in the back of his head.

Never mind the fact that Faith had bruises and scars up and down her body from head to toe that were inflicted on her by Howard three years worth. There were even dark permanent marks around her wrists for whenever Howard decided to drag her by them.

The police probably figured since Faith was still alive unlike Howard then she was fine and would eventually get over it despite the fact that it happened during her most formative and developing years. The experiences she had in childhood as well as her early teens were not exactly ideal for how she would develop as a young adult.

The guards came up to Faith and slapped a pair of handcuffs on her wrists. The judge had sentenced her to two years in juvenile detention with possible time in actual prison once she turned eighteen depending on how she did in juvie.

Two years?

Faith looked up at the calendar behind the judges stand to see the date.

It read January 25th 2008.

Today was her birthday her sixteenth birthday to be exact. While any other girl her age was celebrating this milestone birthday with a huge celebration; Faith found herself being sentenced to jail time for killing a man who gave her hell for three years.

The way things were going Faith might as well have been going back to hell all over again.

October sixth.

The PST was now two weeks away and Faith was feeling pretty good about it for the most part. However she found herself tired all of the time from the little sleep she got on most nights. The lack of sleep coming from her recurring nightmares about the hell that Howard gave her all those years ago.

Perhaps it was because Faith was actually trying to achieve a goal and all of her nightmares were stemming from her insecurities.

When Howard was still alive he did everything in his power to let her know she was no better than the gum under his shoes and it made her insecure. Why did it feel like Howard was still controlling her from beyond the grave.

“Jamison you missed a spot”

Faith looked up from her mopping to see Ron stamping his way onto the deck with muddy boots. Faith knew he was doing it on purpose because she had already mopped that area a few minutes ago.

Not saying anything Faith simply took her pail of water and mop and went to clean it up. Some of Ron’s cronies who were watching the ordeal chuckled. Sure enough as Faith placed the pail down and picked up the mop to begin mopping Ron kicked the pail sending all of the soapy water spilling all across the floor.

“I guess you missed that too”

“What the hell Ferry---“

“That’s Chief Petty Officer Ferry to you Jamison and don’t you forget that”

“You did that on purpose!”

“An order is an order princess” Ron said “you better get used to taking orders if you want to be a SEAL”

“Ferry what’s going on here?”

Conrad made his way over to them with a concerned look on his face

“Nothing to worry about Ramsey just a seawoman who doesn’t know how to take orders” Ron said “go on Jamison get that mess up”

“I don’t think so,” Conrad said “Jamison come with me we’ll leave Ramsey here to clean the mess that he made”

“Whoa Ramsey you can’t be serious I am Chief Petty Officer---“

“You’re also abusing and taking advantage of your position” Conrad said “I wonder what your father would think of that”

Ron grunted at Conrad and took the mop reluctantly from a very confused Faith.

“Let’s go talk Jamison” Conrad insisted

Faith followed Conrad over to one of the tables in the mess hall; she wasn’t exactly sure what to think about it. Faith knew that wouldn’t be that last shit she’d have to take from Ron that man’s ego was too fragile for that.

“Petty Officer you didn’t have to do that”

“No I did” Conrad insisted, “Ramsey is an asshole are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine”

“You look tired,” he noted

Faith nodded not wanted to dwell on the issue and simply replied, “I’ve been busy”

“I know you have; how’s your training coming along?”

“Okay I guess” she said honestly “I’m feeling a bit anxious about the PST though”

“What do mean?”

“I don’t think I’ll pass; I keep having these thoughts---“

Faith stopped herself before going on she knew why she didn’t think she’d do well and it was the insecurities from Howard reaching out to her even from beyond the grave.

“What thoughts?”

Faith looked up at Conrad and the concerned look on his face took her by surprise and she shook her head no

“Okay you don’t have to tell me that’s fair” Conrad said “but whatever’s holding you back you shouldn’t let it get to you because I think you are PST material”

“Thanks”

“Four-forty five”

“What?”

“Boone, Yeager, and I are going to be up early tomorrow right on the track” Conrad explained, “you’re more than welcome to join us”

“Oh” Faith replied taken back by surprise “I’ll think about it then”

“No pressure” Conrad reassured “don’t think too hard about it though”

The following morning it was a rather chilly fall morning but Faith still found the strength to get up. True to his word Faith saw that Daniel and Anthony was sitting in the stands. As she approached them Faith was wondering why Conrad was taking such an interest in her all of a sudden.

Faith recalled that Conrad wasn’t too thrilled about her taking the PST at first and the two of them weren’t exactly friends and not much acquaintance. Was there something in Faith that Conrad found likeable? She didn’t want Conrad prying too much into her life she decided to keep it at a professional level.

“Jamison!” Daniel greeted “nice of you to join us this morning!”

“Yeah” Faith replied, “um thanks”

“Somebody is being pretty modest this morning” Anthony added “from what Ramsey had been telling us you’re in the running for passing the PST”

“I don’t toot my horn that much” she insisted

“I think it’s time you start tooting it Jamison”

Faith turned around to see Conrad walking up behind her

“We’re going to start warming up” Daniel said “you two catch up when you can”

“I hope you’re well rested” Conrad said once both Daniel and Anthony made their down the track

“For the most part” Faith said not sounding too convincing

“You didn’t get much sleep again?” he said concerned “then why didn’t you just sleep in?”

“I still have to train don’t I?” she challenged

“True” Conrad replied “but little to no sleep isn’t going to help with your training Jamison you and I both know that”

“There’s still another two hours and forty-five minutes until wake up call it’s not much but it’s something” he insisted “go back to your cabin and get some shut eye”

“No I want to train” Faith said stubbornly

“You can train tomorrow morning” Conrad said “after you get a good night’s sleep”

“I’m fine Officer---“

“Then tell me the reason why you haven’t been sleeping well”

“It’s….it’s nothing” she said rather quickly and Conrad swore that if she were Pinocchio her nose would be growing inches away from her face right now.

“Not a good enough reason now off to bed with you”

“But---“

“That’s an order Jamison” Conrad said firmly

“I bet I could outrun all three of you!” Faith said defiantly acting childish now

“I bet you could but there’s no way you’re doing it this morning” he said dismissively

Finally giving in Faith gave Conrad a pissed annoyed glare and made her way off the track field and back to the cabins.

Usually when Conrad gave Faith an order it was because he simply told her and that was a done deal. However this time Conrad gave the order out of care and concern; it didn’t come off that way but inside that where it was coming from. He was concerned about Faith.

Who the hell did Petty Officer Conrad Mitchell Ramsey think he was and what game was he playing at? He was the one who invited her to train with them this morning.

As soon as Faith said something about her lack of sleep Conrad shooed her away like she was a damn child.

“Ramsey can be such an asshole sometimes” she grumbled later that morning as she was doing her chores with Leah close by

“I’m going to have to side with him this time Faith” she said, “you need sleep I mean you wouldn’t do the PST without a good night’s sleep would you?”

“No” she said

“Speaking of which have you been feeling okay lately? You seem to have nightmare almost every night now”

“They’re nothing serious” Faith insisted

“If they aren’t serious why do you get so upset over them?”

“Let’s just say it’s something that I left in the past but it seems to be catching back up with me”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No”

Faith plopped the mop across the deck once more it seemed like this deck was forever a mess. Although she was annoyed with Conrad right now she was thankful for him standing up for her when Ron was messing with her the night before.

She fucking hated mopping with a passion.

“Sir I’m hungry” thirteen year old Faith said she had been cleaning the house all day without a bite to eat while Howard had himself fixed in front of the television.

Howard was cracking up to reruns of Sanford and Son with a huge bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and what looked like his fourth bottle of Heinkein.

Faith made her way into the living room and when Howard looked up from the television screen he frowned at her.

“Is there anymore chicken left?” Faith asked nervously “I’m really hungry”

“Oh really?” Howard taunted her after a loud belch “that depends you done mopping that kitchen?”

“Yes the fourth time---“

“Don’t you sass me girl” Howard cut her off as he got up from the couch “I’m going to see if it’s clean right now”

Faith followed Howard to the kitchen for inspection once more and once more she was hoping that he would finally be pleased with the clean floor this time.

“See it’s clean---“

“Did I fucking say it was clean?”

“But it is” Faith said she knew better than to argue with him but she couldn’t help how hungry she was.

Howard took a swig of his Heinkein and much to Faith’s horror he kicked the pail of dirty mop water and it spilled all over the kitchen floor stripping it of it’s clean state once more.

“Mop that up again” he grunted at her “that sure as hell don’t look clean to me”

“Hey Faith you’re turning in pretty early” Yazmin said “it’s movie night in the hall”

“I’m fine” Faith insisted, “I have to get up early---“

“Let her sleep” Dominique said butting in “maybe she’ll get all of her screaming out by the time we hit the hay”

Faith threw Dominique a nasty look right back as she watched her exit the cabin.

“Pay her no mind” Leah said, “you get some sleep okay”

“Thanks Leah”

Once the rest of her cabin mates exited the room Faith threw her covers up to her shoulders and while sleep didn’t come easily and quickly it still came. Hopefully her demons would leave her be tonight. Howard Patterson still had a hold on her from beyond the grave.

October eighth.

"You look refreshed this morning Jamison"

"I am"

"I bet that eight hours of sleep contributed to that"

"It did"

As much as Faith didn't want to admit Conrad did have a point. The full night sleep did help her and interestingly enough her nightmares about Howard didn't haunt her. Who was Conrad now her guardian angel?

"Where are Boone and Yeager?" she asked, "aren't they going to train with us too?"

"They'll be joining a bit later this week" Conrad replied "right now I want to see what you're made of Jamison"

"Um okay" Faith said a little confused

"Put these on" Conrad said giving her a pair of boots and trousers that were similar to the ones that he was wearing "when you take the PST you're going to have to show that you can both walk and run in full uniform in the given time frame"

Faith took the uniform and to go change like Conrad instructed and met him back on the track. Conrad noticed the little flame of determination in her eyes and gave her a little smile; it was good to see she wasn't going to back down from any challenge.

"I'm setting the stop watch okay?" Conrad said, "during the PST you'll have eleven minutes and thirty seconds to complete the one and half mile required run"

Faith nodded

"But I'm going to set it down a minute to ten minutes and twenty seconds to really push us to meet that required time"

"Okay I can do that" Faith replied confidently

"Can you?" Conrad raised his eyebrows at her friendly

"Yes I can"

And Conrad completely believed her setting the stopwatch he gave her another grin and said, "Alright then let's see what you got Jamison"

As soon as the stopwatch started off Faith went and Conrad hadn't even noticed that she had started until he looked up.

Both of them were smart enough to pace themselves and not go too fast. Conrad eventually caught up with Faith and was running by her side. It was still fairly dark out the sun was hardly rising so the only lights that the two of them had were the dim track lights.

The only thing that was a bit jarring was how silent Faith was and when Conrad looked over at her there was a mask on her face that was a weird mix of determination and anger.

Now the determination part Conrad completely understood both of them were extremely lucky to even be selected for PST; especially her. However something was telling Conrad that Faith's determination was fueled by something that wasn't related to the Navy.

It was very clear that this meant a lot to her.

"You're doing great so far Jamison!" he called out to her "remember to pace yourself too"

Faith kept herself focused she still had a few more laps to do before Conrad's stopwatch started beeping. Conrad wasn't so bad either he had caught up with her after awhile and was running beside her.

The two of them had made across the line right when the stopwatch went off and they both leaned on their hands on their knees to catch a breath.

"Hey not bad" Conrad said "not bad at all"

"I'm going to better for the test" Faith said "I'm not settling for less"

"Jamison slow down okay" he said reassuringly "the test is still two weeks away"

"I need this" she said simply the fire blazing in eyes from excitement and determination and Conrad swore that she just smiled something he never saw her do.

Until sunrise the two of them sat in the grass to practice the required push ups and sit ups. For push-ups the time limit was two minutes for forty-two repetitions while for sit ups it was two minutes for fifty repetitions.

To Conrad's amazement Faith was able to get the majority of those down in less than one minute.

Even with the test still being two weeks away there was no way Faith could not pass the test. Hell she could give most of the men who were going to take the test a run for their money Ferry included.

"Pull ups next?" Faith asked she was full of energy now

"How about tomorrow morning?" Conrad said "you still need breakfast and energy to do your tasks for the day"

"Okay" Faith admitted, "I am a bit hungry"

"That's all those calories you burned up" Conrad chuckled "c'mon I think there's pancakes this morning"

It was two in the morning and Anne Kuhn was surprised that her phone was ringing and picked it up immediately when she saw that it was her daughter.

"Heather?" she answered, "Heather are you alright?"

"Mom the baby!" she cried as her body rippled in pain "Mom the baby is coming!"

Anne sat straight up and turned her lamp on and tried to stay calm for Heather's sake "Honey are you sure? you aren't due for another month"

"Mom please come!" she cried hysterically "I'm not kidding the baby really is coming!"

"Okay Heather calm down and breath okay" Anne instructed, "I'm going to call an ambulance and I'll be right over"

"Hurry!"

"I will sweetie," she promised thinking that Conrad was states away and had no clue that his fiancée was now in labor.

"What were you and Jamison doing this morning Ramsey?" Ron asked as he stuffed a mouthful of eggs and sausage in his mouth. Conrad looked over at him in disgust the prick couldn't even chew with his mouth closed.

"Training for the PST" Conrad replied which was something that he should be doing too but Ron's ego told him that he was just too good for it.

"Is that all?" Ron chuckled washing down his mouthful of food with a gulp of orange juice "you sure as hell don't know how to take advantage of an opportunity"

Could Ron be more of a damn pig? God help them all if he passed the PST and went on to training just like the rest of them.

"How was she?" Anthony asked

"Pretty good" Conrad replied, "she's definitely going to pass the test as long as she doesn't over exert herself"

"I'd over exert her alright" Ron chuckled

"Fuck off Ferry" Conrad snapped harshly at him

"Whoa calm down Ramsey it was a joke---"

"It wasn't fucking funny" Conrad said cutting him off again "I don't take jokes like that lightly"

"Oh for Christ's sakes" Ron rolled his eyes

"Ramsey has a point Ferry" Daniel said, "you can't just go around saying things like that"

"It's not like I'm actually doing anything" Ron grumbled "I swear this country is going to the dogs fucking queers getting married and women being SEALS; now I can't even tell a joke"

As Ron got up to leave Conrad couldn't help but feel his stomach flip when he looked over at the table with Faith and her cabin mates; he certainly didn't like the look he gave her.

Ron must have known this because he looked back at Conrad and gave him a smirk and he damn near flipped the table. Once Ron got the rise out of Conrad he exited the cafeteria and went on his way.

"Ramsey you alright man?" Anthony asked

"I'm fine"

"Don't pay attention to Ferry I'm pretty sure he's just all talk" Daniel added

Conrad didn't even know why Ron was able to trigger that kind of reaction from him. Of course while Conrad did not condone any type of sexual harassment or lewd comments towards any of his female crewmembers; he also had to remember that he was in fact engaged to his very pregnant fiancée.

Guilt fell over him Conrad was really beginning to like Faith a lot. A maybe a little too much so he would have to keep his feelings in check and keep things professional between them.  In a year's time Heather was going to be his wife and that wouldn't be fair to her or their soon to be born son.

One thing was for sure Ron was raising too many red flags about Faith and Conrad knew his intentions weren't good.

"Miss Kuhn you are in fact in labor" one of the doctors said after checking the young mother "you are fully dilated"

"But that can't be!" Heather panicked "I'm only eight months!"

"Based on the size of the baby you are actually nine months and full term" the doctor said "there may have been a mistake when calculating back to your last cycle"

Nine months ago was January and Conrad was gone for that month and didn't come back until the following March and...this really was Sean's baby then. If she really had been eight months and due Thanksgiving the baby would have been Conrad's.

Heather knew damn well what the doctor was talking about and she fudged the dates on purpose this was going to be Conrad's baby biologically or not.

Anne didn't know about Sean either and Heather planned to keep it that way; she come up with a story about how Conrad came home for a weekend in January.

"We're going to get you ready for an epidural okay dear?"

"Okay"

Anne took Heather's hand in hers "It will be okay pretty soon you'll have your sweet baby boy in your arms"

"Yeah" Heather said she really hoped that this baby looked like her because she didn't know what she would do otherwise.

The following morning Faith met Conrad on the track field all dressed and ready in boots and trousers. Faith had such good time training with Conrad yesterday she found herself looking forward to doing it again.

Oddly enough she found herself enjoying Conrad's company he wasn't such an arrogant prick after all. It certainly was better than training by herself and having Howard's ghost haunt her and discourage her.

The two of them practiced the mile and a half run and came in at an earlier stop time and this morning the focus was on pull-ups.

There wasn't a set time for pull-ups on the PST however it was important to be able to do between six and eleven dead hangs. So it really meant having a lot of upper body strength.

"You're doing great" Conrad said "just remember to breathe okay"

"It's certainly opens up the sinuses and lungs" Faith said as she slowly pulled herself down for a water break "I can't wait for Boone and Yeager to come out here tomorrow so we can see what they're made of too"

Conrad chuckled "They can be goofballs when they want to"

The sun was rising bringing a bit of warmth on their faces on the crisp autumn morning. Conrad wiped the sweat off his brow while Faith took a swig of water. There was a question that had been pondering his mind for most of the morning and he needed to know.

"Jamison"

"Yes Petty Officer?"

"Does Ferry say anything out of line to you?"

Faith frowned a little and replied, "Well he bullies me a lot but honestly I think that's just Ferry being Ferry"

"So he hasn't said anything inappropriate to you or made you uncomfortable?"

"No" Faith said "why?"

The last thing Conrad wanted Faith to worry about was Ron possibly harassing her not while she was getting ready for PST; but he was certainly going to keep an eye on Ron. At the same time he was going to at least warm her.

"Jamison promise me that if Ferry says or does something inappropriate that you don't feel comfortable with that you'll report it immediately"

Faith didn't say anything to that at first because it slowly sunk in what Conrad meant when he said that. It touched her that at least he cared for her well being and safety; she had just wished her mother had when she called her the day after her wedding night.

"Momma please" she cried "I can't do this he made me have sex with him last night and it hurt really bad it still hurts"

"It was your wedding night you were supposed to do as he wanted" Glenda said, "you'll get used to it and it won't hurt all the time"

Get used to it? Faith couldn't believe that her mother was telling her this

"Momma I never wanted this"

"Jamison?"

"I'm fine" Faith replied after she quickly wiped away a tear before it rolled down her face "I um....if he does say anything.... I'll report it"

Conrad frowned a little at her hesitant response and it raised a red flag for him

"What is it Jamison?"

"Nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Faith replied a little too quickly

Before Conrad could ask her anything else both Daniel and Anthony were running onto the track field towards them

"Ramsey! Ramsey!"

"Yes" Conrad quickly got up "what is it?"

"Heather" Daniel chuckled patting his friends shoulder "congratulations man you're a father now"

Conrad was stunned "What? You aren't serious are you? She really had the baby?"

"Yup heard he's a big one too"

Faith almost forgot that Conrad was a family man and had a baby on the way; and she saw how happy he was as both Daniel and Anthony hugged and congratulated him.

Conrad had his own life just like she had hers the only thing they had in common was their goals to become SEALS. So even if Faith had explained her hesitation would it have even mattered? Would he have even cared?

"Come on aren't you going to go and Skype her?" Anthony asked

"Yeah hold on let me just...Jamison?"  he looked around confused "where did she go?"

"Probably breakfast?" Daniel suggested

"I guess"

"C'mon!" Anthony said more excited than the other two "I want to meet my nephew!"

"You need anything else Heather?" Anne asked, as she got ready to go downstairs to the hospital cafeteria.

"We're fine Mom" she replied cradling the baby "we're getting ready to say hello to Dada for the first time"

"Well I'll leave you alone then"

Lukas Aidan Ramsey was born at two thirty this morning and it was a long and tiring birth but it was all worth it. All nine pounds and six ounces of him he was certainly a big boy.

Conrad, Anthony, and Daniel were all huddled in front of the computer monitor as the Skype connected. When it was connected Conrad's heart blossomed when he saw his fiancée cooing to the chubby faced baby boy. That was his baby. That was his son.

"Oh look sweetie it's Dada" Heather smiled at Conrad in the camera "and Uncle Anthony and Uncle Daniel"

A huge smile cracked on Conrad's face and he wished that he were right there holding his son that very moment.

"What's his name?" Conrad asked

"Luke" Heather said proudly "Lukas Aidan"

"You really wanted Aidan to be in the name didn't you" he chuckled

"Yes I did" Heather said "do you like it"

"I love it" Conrad said sincerely "I love him and I love you"

"Okay Boone let's get out of here" Anthony chuckled "there's a lot of love in here"

"Yeah congrats again Heather" Daniel said.

When Anthony and Daniel left the office Conrad was finally alone with his new family. Conrad was concerned and wanted to know everything.

"Is he okay?" Conrad asked "I was hoping to be home to see his birth I thought he wasn't due until Thanksgiving"

Heather bit her tongue and answered "He's okay he was just eager to come into the world that's all; he's a healthy baby boy"

"He's our healthy baby boy"

"Right"

"Now I have to pass the PST" Conrad said chuckling "I've got this little boy counting me"

"Yes you do" Heather replied "but don't forget I'm counting on you too"

"I won't be able to come back home until Thanksgiving" he added "who knows how bigger he'll probably be bigger by then"

"He most certainly will"

"I have to go Heather" Conrad said "busy day but it's definitely gotten brighter keep sending me pictures and videos it will get me through the next month"

"I will"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"Bye Luke" Conrad whispered

"Dada is going bye-bye" Heather said as she took one of the baby's hands to wave at Conrad. 

When the Skype call ended Heather got ready to nurse Luke and sure enough he was hungry. As soon as he found his mother's nipple Luke began to suckle immediately.

As Luke nursed Heather looked over her son's features closely. It was too early to tell for sure but for the most part Luke did look like her. The little hat on his head Heather made sure was tightly secure on his head before she started the Skype call with Conrad.

Baby Lukas Ramsey was blessed with a head full of blonde hair...Sean's blonde hair.

July 25th 2009

There were now exactly six months until Faith’s eighteenth birthday. She didn’t know where she was going to end up. Would they release her? or would she still be doing time in adult prison?

She was an under educated black female so the odds definitely were not in her favor. Faith should be anticipating her senior year of high school like most girls her age not sitting in juvenile detention.

Then again most girls her age hadn’t murdered their husbands. Today was visiting day a day that Faith chose to ignore since her parents never bothered to come and see her anyway.

Instead she decided to see if the counselor was available to talk.

Miss Helen Parrington was the only person who really seemed to understand her and didn’t judge her; plus she was the only one who really paid her any attention on visiting day.

“Good Afternoon Faith” she smiled warmly at the young teenage girl as she entered her office

“Hey Miss Parrington”

Helen frowned a little and couldn’t help but ask, “Your parents didn’t show up again?”

“It’s not like I’m still their daughter” Faith said with a bit of sadness in her voice that Helen could detect “besides I wanted to come see you”

“Well that’s very nice of you Faith is there something you’d like to talk about?”

“Miss Parrington I don’t know what do” Faith said honestly “I’m I going to be switched over to regular adult prison soon?”

“Faith what are you talking about?” Helen asked confused

“I don’t know what to do” Faith finally said “I’ll be eighteen in six months and I have nowhere to go except to do more jail time”

“Don’t say that,” Helen said, “you know that’s not true”

“Where else am I supposed to go?” she asked “I haven’t been to school since seventh grade I don’t know anything”

“If you’re concerned about your education you can always get your GED”

“What’s a GED?”

“Well a GED is a General Education Diploma it’s basically for people who don’t have a high school diploma or never finished high school”

“I guess that’s me”

“Faith don’t be so hard on yourself---“

“I wouldn’t even be here if my parents hadn’t decided that it was time for me to marry a man three times my age” Faith said “I’ve been screwed over for the past four years”

“It’s never too late to change your life around plus you’re so young” Helen said “too young to give up hope so easy you are at an exciting time in your life and the world is yours to go forth and do with it as you please”

“I can?”

“Yes you can”

“But I don’t know what I want to do” Faith replied rather pathetically

“That’s okay you don’t have to know everything”

“I know that I want my GED”

“I’ll tell you what” Helen said “I have some pamphlets on GED testing as well as a career guide books”

“What kind of career?” Faith asked as she flipped through the book

“Anything you can imagine” Helen replied, “you can be a doctor, a teacher, a vet---“

Faith then flipped to a page that advertised the United States Navy and Helen smiled

“You can even be in the Navy”

“Women are allowed to be in the Navy?” Faith asked surprised “even black women?”

“Of course” Helen replied, “have you ever heard of Admiral Michelle Howard?”

“No” Faith said, “who is she?”

Helen smiled “Well you’ve got a lot of research to do now don’t you?”

“Wow”

Faith said again for what seemed to be the billionth time but she still couldn’t believe it. She took another piece of scotch tape and taped the picture of Admiral Michelle J Howard to her cell wall.

After doing the recommended research that Helen told her to do to; Faith learned that Admiral Howard was the Vice Chief of Naval Operations and also not only the first female to become a four star admiral but also the first African American to do so as well.

Faith also found it a little ironic that this admiral’s last name was Howard but it also wasn’t fair to judge her by that because of the remarkable things that she had accomplished.

It actually gave Faith a sense of hope that her parents should have instilled her that she was sure that Admiral Howard’s parents did. A sense of hope that Faith could do and be anything that she wanted to be instead of being a doormat child bride.

She wanted to do it.

She wanted to be just like Admiral Howard; if not exactly then at least near the same level.

Faith wanted to have a sense of self worth and wanted to feel important which was something that Howard never made her feel.

“Can I go to school sir?” Faith asked as Howard stuffed his mouth forkful after forkful of his breakfast that she made him without offering her any at all.

“What the fuck do you need to go school for?”

“To learn” Faith said rather pathetically “I’m supposed to be in eighth grade---“

“No”

Faith knew that she shouldn’t have been surprised by Howard’s answer but it still hurt.

“Why not?”

“Because I said so that’s why” he snapped at her quickly

“Please sir I just want to learn---“

Howard just chuckled and laughed “And what good is learning going to do you?”

Faith didn’t say anything she didn’t know what to say to that honestly

“Not a damn thing” Howard replied “you ain’t shit and you ain’t never going to be shit; hell you’re not even pretty”

Tears rolled down Faith’s cheeks and she whispered, “I could learn some things---“

“I said you aren’t going and that’s that” Howard cut her off “now fry me up some more bacon”

“Yes sir”

That was four years ago but that conversation was still fresh in Faith’s mind to this day. And top things off Howard wasn’t even the worst part about that whole dilemma the worst thing was that her own parents subjected her to that.

All three of them only saw her as a doormat child bride with a dowry; but something was telling Faith that she was more than that. So much more than that. Faith looked at the picture of Admiral Howard and she knew that she was making the right decision.

“Miss Parrington?”

“Yes Faith come in” Helen replied she wasn’t surprised to see Faith come into her office again on another visiting day; however she was surprised to see the teenager come in with a number of books in her arms.

"What’s all this?” Helen smiled “I see you really want your GED---“

“No I’m getting my GED Miss Parrington” Faith said “and I want to join the Navy”

“We can certainly look into the GED but are you sure about the Navy?” Helen asked, “it’s a lot of hard work”

“Yes I’m sure” Faith replied, “maybe I can even be a SEAL”

Helen chuckled “Well they don’t let women train for SEALS---“

“One day they will”

Helen looked into Faith’s eyes and she couldn’t help but admire the young lady’s fierce determination and she had a feeling with an attitude like that Faith was going to turn her life around and make something of it.

“Yes” Helen said smiling at her “One day they will”

October twentieth.

This was it today was the day. The day that Faith had been waiting on pins and needles for. Today was the official Physical Screening Test.

Her dream was now at her fingertips and Faith felt like she could grasp it right now.

They arrived at the Extreme Seal Experience Base in Chesapeake Virginia last night for a hearty dinner and good night's sleep.

Out of the fifteen people selected to go and take the PST Faith was of course the only female from her group but there were a few that came from other bases that she shared a cabin with.

Before going sleep last night some of the ladies swapped stories about how they heard about the NAVY's decision to allow women to train for SEALS and what it meant to them.

Much like Faith they all wanted to make something of themselves and for some being a SEAL was a lifelong dream and a far cry from being the stereotypical stay at home wife and mother.

There was also the fear of what would happen if they did not pass the test but not wanting to wake up the next day with negativity they focused on the positivity of their goals.

They woke up this morning with determination in their hearts and nothing more and nothing less. Before starting the test everyone was required to meet in the base's gymnasium.

Of course most of the men there snickered as the few women entered the gym, which was to be expected. Faith didn't care nor did she mind because she'd prove herself in test today.

"Looks like we've got more ladies joining us today" Ron said chuckled

"Yeah they're here to take the test just like you Ferry" Daniel said

"At least we'll be getting some pussy after our hard work today is all I'm saying" he smirked.

Conrad shook his head if there truly was a god then maybe just maybe Ron wouldn't pass the test. He watched as the rest of the people filled up the gymnasium and he caught Faith's eye.

Conrad could tell that she was a bit anxious about the test and gave her a smile; he was certain that if she did exactly what she done when they trained together that she would be just fine.

"ATTENTION!"

Everyone settled down when the three naval special warfare coordinators stood in front of them. All three of the men wore grey shirts with black pants with two of them holding clipboards and whistles around their necks.

"Welcome to Extreme Seal Experience" the head coordinator introduced himself "I am Wilkes and along with Morris and Gibson we will be conducting the Physical Screening Test"

"You are all here for one goal today" Wilkes went on to say "to pass the PST in order to move on to Naval Special Warfare Preparatory School to start your training to be a SEAL"

"Things are a little different this time around," Wilkes said looking at certain members sitting in the stands "as you all know by now based on the inspirational words of Admiral Greenert's words we have some female applicants"

This of course provoked a chuckle out some of the men including Ron.

"I will make this perfectly clear" Wilkes went on to say "we will not I repeat we will not be doing things different or making anything easier for our female applicants"

"Everybody will be tested on the same level and will be judged on the same level" Wilkes added "if our female applicants were not capable of such then obviously they would not be here"

It was definitely a sexist comment but Faith knew that she was going to have to get used to a lot of sexist comments thrown at her. She could also sense a lot of the women there felt the same way as well

"Now since we've got a large group today were going to be splitting you up in small groups" Wilkes said "when I call your last name please go to your corresponding group"

Faith sliced through the water in her lane and she felt Wilkes's judgmental gaze on her. There were only about six minutes left in the 500-yard swim test portion, which meant it was already halfway done.

Unfortunately for Faith she was the only woman in her group so she found herself swimming side by side with some of the men who were testing today.

"Keep it up!" Wilkes demanded "SEALS never hesitate and every minute and every second counts!"

Faith moved her arms and kicked her legs a little faster. Determination drives her and it would ultimately help her; however she knew that Wilkes was watching her in particular there was no doubt about that.

Her back crunched and burned as she completed her last few push-ups. Faith stared right at Wilkes as he jotted something down on his clipboard. She noticed that he did the same thing when she performed her sit-ups and pull-ups as well.

The 1.5-mile run was the hardest obstacle of the screening. Full uniform no matter what the weather conditions were and no rest period. Faith knew this and it was exactly why she spent most of her training if not all of it on the run.

It was late afternoon and everybody was on the base's track field getting ready. Wilkes purposely made the women sprinkle out among groups of mostly men so that he could really scope out their ability.

"He treats us like we're lab mice or something" one of women said sitting down next to Faith who was still waiting her turn.

"You looked good out there" Faith insisted

"Thanks" the woman replied "I did put my best foot forward but there are still men like Wilkes and even the ones testing with us that think a woman's place is being bare foot and pregnant"

Faith cringed at that notion she hated it mostly because that's where she almost found herself not too long ago. Women are more than just sex objects and baby factories.

"I'm not going to sit here and cry too much though" the woman said checking the other half of her privilege "although I'm a woman I'm also white I can only imagine

the world of trouble you have to go through"

Black and female. A double minority. In fact Faith was the only other black woman here and what were the odds that either one of them was going to pass the screening? Little to none. Not with close minded white men like Wilkes in charge.

It was nice that this woman acknowledged that since most white women turned a blind eye at what women of color had to go through in the name of feminism.

"Amelia Holloway by the way" she offered her hand

"Faith Jamison" Faith introduced herself shaking her hand "nice to meet you"

"At least your last name sounds masculine" Amelia pointed out "that should give you respect right away"

"It doesn't" Faith replied "then again I'm not expecting respect from anybody here"

"RAMSEY!" Wilkes called "FRONT AND CENTER NOW!"

Faith watched Conrad quickly take his place on the track so that the group could start the run.

"He seems to respect you" Amelia said

"Huh?"

Amelia chuckled "I saw you two talking earlier; he's quite the looker"

"We're from the same base" Faith replied "and it's not like that he's engaged and his fiancée just had a baby"

"That's a shame then" Amelia said, "you two looked pretty close"

Okay now in that moment Faith was glad she was black because she probably would be beet red from blushing right now. Faith had been growing close to Conrad the past few weeks in training for the PST but she didn't realize how close until Amelia pointed it out.

It didn't matter no good would come from it even if Conrad wasn't engaged; Faith wouldn't allow herself to entertain that thought.

"Why aren't they starting?" Faith asked since Conrad had already made his way to the starting line.

"Looks like they're going to add one more person" Amelia said as they watched Wilkes talk with Morris and Gibson. Wilkes looked annoyed and then called out

"JAMISON! YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

"That's you!" Amelia said "you better get a move on now is your chance"

Faith quickly got to her feet and made her way down to the track; she knew that Wilkes was annoyed with her. The man had been annoyed by her all day; but she didn't care because now was her chance to shine.

Not wanting to run beside Ron who gave her a crude grin Faith quickly moved over to another lane much to Wilkes' dismay.

"Make up your mind Jamison we're losing daylight!"

Conrad moved over a little allowing Faith to take a space next to him and she whispered a thank you to which he replied "Good luck"

"You two girls whispering and gossiping?" Wilkes growled at them putting emphasizing the word girls.

Ron chuckled, as did some of the men waiting to start the run too.

"As you all know or should know by now you have exactly eleven minutes and thirty seconds to finish the run" Wilkes said "there is no rest time and you have to finish all of your laps within that time period"

"This portion is just as important as the swim test" Wilkes explained "we need our SEALS to be able to navigate fast both in water and on land"

Wilkes made his way over to the grass where Morris and Gibbs were standing and gave his whistle a loud piercing blow. With that everyone took off running. Faith felt like a mouse among elephants in size and stature with the men including Conrad running beside her.

Faith was doing a balancing act where she was trying to pace herself as well as keep in tow with her competition. Faith was had always been a good runner and just like many people had told her she would have been a superstar on a high school track team.

The only other time Faith remembered running so fast was ten years ago when she first tried running away from Howard....

Faith wiped the sweat from her brow and sighed as she tried to scrub the entire residue off of the dishes she was working on.

Howard always left his dishes in the sink just expecting Faith to do her wifely duty and wash up after him instead of acting like a grown man and doing them himself. Faith wouldn't dare leave her dishes in the sink in fear of him getting angry with her and beating her.

"FAITH GIRL GET US SOME HEIKEINS OUT HERE!" Howard called. His "friends" were over tonight to play cards and watch the fight; the last time his "friends" were here Faith got passed around like a bottle of Heineken.

"YOU MAKE SURE THEY COLD TOO!"

"Yes sir" the thirteen year old sighed as she went to the fridge to dig out a couple of bottle of the beer.

It was then Faith heard a police car quickly make its way down the street. Trouble with the neighbors again---

Of course why hadn't she thought of it before? Faith could go to the police they would help her or at least she thought they would. It was a cold winter's evening and there was a still quite a bit of snow and ice outside but maybe she could.

Faith quickly slipped her boots on and unlocked the kitchen door---

"GIRL WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR DAMN BEERS?!?"

Ignoring Howard; Faith quickly began to unlock the screen door.

"MOVE IT JAMISON!" Faith heard Wilkes call out to her to despite her being in the lead with her peers. Ron threw her a nasty look over his shoulder as she began to move up a little past him.

She was older now. An adult and she was running for a completely different reason. An adult that could run a hell of a lot faster than a thirteen year old. Faith was run on the concrete of the track and not trying to slip and fall on ice as she made her first attempt to escape hell with the devil himself at her heels.

She had finally gotten the screen door unlocked and without hesitating Faith immediately dashed out of the house.

Quickly Faith pushed the trashcans against the fence so she could climb over the fence and---

"GIRL WHAT THE HELL?!?"

Howard was at the back door with his friends close behind him to find Faith half way over the fence. Faith quickly got over the fence and landed on the sidewalk her bathrobe got caught in the hook.

"I'M GOING TO CHOKE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WHEN I GET A HOLD OF---"

Faith wasn't listening and she abandoned her bathrobe at the fence and was running down the street to the police.

The cold airs hitting her through the thin nightgown as she dashed down the sidewalk making her way to the police car. Faith slipped and fell hard on the ice hitting her bare knees. A bit of blood spilled from the cuts but Faith still got up and ran despite her knees hurting.

"THREE MINUTES LEFT!" Wilkes called

Faith felt her heart set ablaze as she put her shift into full gear to make these last few minutes count. Ten years later Faith still had those same cuts from the ices on her kneecaps at least they stopped bleeding and didn't cause her pain anymore.

Faith almost made it that day she almost made it.....

The police were getting back in their car to leave the house they had been at. Faith urged her legs to move faster despite the hot white pain in her kneecaps.

"HELP!" she cried out "PLEASE HELP ME!---"

Before she could say anything more Howard had caught up with her and snatched her up. Faith kicked and cried out but the police had already gotten in their car and were driving away.

"NO!" she cried tears falling from her eyes now "LET GO OF ME!---"

"SHUT UP!" Howard said smacking her across the face "DON'T YOU EVER AND I MEAN EVER TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM ME AGAIN! YOU'RE MY WIFE AND YOU WILL OBEY!"

"...."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?"

"Yes sir"

"Get your ass back to the house!" Howard grumbled pushing her back towards hell "you still got beers to get"

"Yes sir"

"TIME!"

Faith had heard Wilkes but she kept running she had to get to the police they were going to leave her. They were going to leave her.

"What the hell is wrong with that Jamison?" Morris asked scratching his head and Wilkes was even more annoyed.

"JAMISON I CALLED TIME!" he roared.

Conrad ran after Faith to catch up with her. Something was wrong because Faith would have stopped just like the rest of them. It was obvious she was running from something but it was something he couldn't see.

"Jamison!"

When Conrad caught up to Faith he grasped her arm into his hold. Faith jolted a little obviously startled and stopped to look at Conrad. Conrad was surprised to see how big and wide her eyes were and it concerned him.

"The test is over now okay?"

"It is?"

Yeah it was definitely something else. Faith looked over at Wilkes who shook his head and everybody began to leave to go hit the showers and go to the hall for dinner.

"Jamison are you---"

"I'm fine" Faith replied "the police car left"

"Police car?" he asked puzzled "what are you talking about?"

"Nothing"

Before Conrad could say anything more Faith walked away and he let her go.

Conrad didn't see Faith in the hall for dinner that night so he figured that she showered and went to bed for the evening.

It had been a long day after all and the announcements of who passed and who failed the PST wouldn't be until tomorrow morning in the gymnasium. He hoped she was okay and wondered what she meant by police car.

"Did you see that little scene Jamison pulled out there?" Ron asked as he bit into his chicken leg "that's exactly why none of the women should go on to train"

"Yeah that was crazy is she touched or something?"

"Women you know how they are" Ron continued rolling his eyes "she was probably on her time of the month or something"

Not wanting to hear Ron's bullshit Conrad got up to stand outside and catch some air and think about Faith. If anyone had proved that they were more than qualified to pass the PST it was her.

Faith curled up in her bed waiting for sleep to take her; which was difficult considering she only took a sandwich from the hall instead of a full meal. She honestly didn't know if she passed the PST or not; she seemed a bit distracted.

It had been years since she last thought of that run to the police. The same police who left her to fend for herself. She ran her fingers along her kneecaps and could still the bumps from the scars that were left behind from that day.

Faith remembered Howard had yanked her so hard she was sure he was going to misplace her arm. She had remembered cringing as he dragged her back to the house because she knew that he was going to beat her.

Faith shivered violently as the memory haunted her and brought her knees to her chest. She didn't know what triggered it but Faith just wished her past could just stay in the past.

"Are you nervous?" Amelia asked Faith the following morning as they all gathered in the gymnasium.

"Not really" she replied "I'm not expecting much"

"Don't say that"

It was true Faith was still pretty shook up from yesterday's events and it didn't look like she made a good impression on Wilkes.

"I'm prepared to go back to my position as a seamen" Faith insisted, "it won't be easy but it will have to do"

"Let's just wait and see what the announcements are,"

As Faith followed Amelia to find a seat in the stands she caught Conrad's eyes but then quickly looked away. It was obvious he remembered yesterday's scene as well.

"ATTENTION!"

Everyone settled down as Wilkes made himself known and he began to speak.

"We're going to make this fast and quick" he said "the results are in and we have determined who has passed and been chosen to go on to Warfare Prep School"

Wilkes began to call out the names in a random order.

"Daniel Boone"

"Anthony Yeager"

"Ronald Ferry"

Ron folded his arms and smirked as if he knew that he was going to pass anyway. Conrad was happy that his friends Daniel and Anthony made it though so at least the recruiters were able to see past some bullshit.

"Rachel Truman"

"Katherine Brown"

"Amelia Holloway"

Faith smiled as Amelia squealed with excitement. It was obviously killing Wilkes that he had to call out female names and he switched back to males quickly.

"Edward Thompson"

"John Donovan"

"Conrad Ramsey"

Conrad let out a sigh of relief and in that moment he felt like a man with a weight lifted off his shoulders. This was going to be a great career opportunity for him he was going to be able to provide for Heather and baby Lukas and give them a bright future.

As Wilkes read through the rest of the list Conrad was worried that Faith's name was not going to be called. Was Wilkes really going to let that one incident prevent Faith from having a fair shot at being a SEAL?

Wilkes read a few more names and it looked like he was about to dismiss everyone for the buses to take them back to their bases. The people whose names weren't called obviously were upset and Faith's face fell.

"Wait!" Gibbs called running towards Wilkes. Gibbs whispered something to him and a look of annoyance and disgust grew over Wilkes's face. Much to the recruiter's dismay he announced.

"Faith Jamison"

As Faith made her way back to the bus to go back to her home base she felt a lot of angry eyes on her and a lot of snide comments were said. Not everyone was selected and passed the PST all of qualified white men that is and they were not chosen yet Faith was.

This was what she wanted and should be proud but yet now she felt like shit. One of the men rudely shoved past her to get on the bus first.

"You alright Jamison?" Conrad asked as he walked up to her

"Yeah"

"Don't pay those guys any mind" he said "you earned it"

"Wilkes didn't seem to think so"

"Don't worry about him either"

"I still can't believe it's happening"

"You better believe it Jamison besides I can tell this means a lot to you"

"It does"

The sky was the limit for her right now and she earned it. Faith was reaching her goal and best of all Howard was not here to stop her.

"Jamison!"

Faith turned around as she was leaving the mess hall after dinner to see Conrad coming towards her

"Officer---"

"Call me Ramsey now" Conrad insisted "we're on the same playing field now"

Faith felt her cheeks heat up and tried to be modest "I wouldn't say all that"

"We are though; we'll both be training for SEALS now" he said "anyway I was going to ask you what your Thanksgiving plans were; because if you didn't have any I was going to ask if you wanted to have dinner at my place"

"Actually Rios beat you to it" Faith replied "she insisted I not spend the holiday at the base all by myself like I usually do"

"Well she's right" Conrad said "besides you have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving"

"You do too" Faith said "I know you're looking forward to holding your baby for the first time"

"I am," he said and Faith gave him a little smile and said "Happy Thanksgiving Ramsey"

"Happy Thanksgiving Jamison"

"Hi"

"Hi"

"What's your name?"

"Faith"

"My name is Nova"

"That's a pretty name"

Leah's eight-year-old niece smiled and asked "Are you a girl solider?"

Faith chuckled "Not exactly I'm a Navy seaman just like your Aunt Leah and I'm going to be a SEAL"

"That's what I want to be too" Nova said "but my brothers said only boys get to do that stuff"

"Well your aunt and I try our best everyday so that one day girls can do these things without boys like your brothers saying you can't"

"Yeah!" Nova exclaimed, "I'm going to be just like you and Aunt Leah"

Faith smiled and her heart tugged a little. Nova Rios was adorable and she was the same age Butterfly would have been now if she had been born.

"Well you're going to have to eat these greens tonight if you want to be strong like them" her mother Nina said

"Ew!" Nova exclaimed wrinkling her little nose "do I have to Mom?"

"Yes Nova" Leah spoke up "besides how will you be able to eat any ice cream for dessert?"

"Ice cream?" the young girl's eyes grew big "okay I'll eat my greens too"

Nina chuckled tickling her daughter and Nova scampered off to go play with her brothers and cousins. Leah had invited Faith to come and spend Thanksgiving with the Rios family and she felt very much at home.

Faith had insisted on staying on the base like she normally did on the holidays but Leah was not hearing it this year. If things bode over well Leah started talking about Christmas and New Year's as well; she wanted to spend as much time with her friend as possible.

Faith's brothers Wesley, Kenneth, and Dmitri called to wish her a happy holiday but sadly that was all they could do because it's not like their father was going to allow her to see them physically.

In fact Faith had no idea when she would see her brothers again so she was thankful Leah thought of her during this Thanksgiving season.

"Congrats again on making it into that program" Nina said "Nova talks about wanting to be like her aunt all the time I'm glad that there will soon be actual role models she can look up to"

"Thanks"

"Oh Faith stop being so modest!" Leah laughed "Nina you should see her in action she's top notch SEAL material"

"I'm okay" Faith replied trying to stay humble "I'm actually still surprised I passed"

"Why?" Leah said "girl you earned it and I'm going to miss you at the base when you leave in January"

"Why do you feel surprised that you passed?" Leah's mother Dolores asked as she cut up onions

"It's just that I don't think the recruiters liked me" Faith replied, "one in particular was pissed that he had to call my name"

"They're just sexist that's all" Leah said "and besides you know how men's egos are"

"True" Dolores said "your father God rest his soul and even some of my own sons and grandsons are this way; since the dawn of time men have always for the most part been the head of things"

"Times are changing" Dolores went on to say "women and especially us women of color are getting more and more options and opportunities everyday and it's obvious that some men aren't on board for that"

"For your sake and the sake of my granddaughter Nova I truly pray that things will get better"

"I hope so too Ms. Rios" Faith said sincerely "I hope so too"

"Well we certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving" Nina said as she began to dress the turkey for the oven.

"Yes we do" Dolores replied smiling at Faith. And for the first time in years Faith felt at home and loved even if the Rios weren't blood related.

"Hey big man" Conrad said as he picked up Lukas from his crib Thanksgiving morning "are you ready for your first turkey day?"

Lukas gave him a gummy smile and Conrad chuckled "I'm sorry son no teeth no turkey just formula this year"

Heather watched the two of them from the doorway of the nursery. So far so good. Conrad had been home for the past week now and it seemed that he attached himself to Lukas right away.

Since Conrad got home he changed every diaper, did late night feedings, baths, and even played with Lukas as well. Conrad had asked Heather about Lukas's blonde hair and she quickly said that boys in her family were born with blonde hair and it would get darker as he got older.

Conrad seemed to take her word for it because he seemed to be completely smitten with Lukas; and that's exactly what Heather wanted anyway. There was no way that Sean would be the kind of father that Conrad was being right now.

"And how are both my big men doing this morning?" Heather cooed as she joined Conrad at the crib

"Doing pretty good," Conrad said kissing her "ready for some good home cooked food today"

"There will be plenty of that then" Heather laughed, "my mother is making her famous pumpkin pie"

"You hear that Luke?" Conrad told the baby bouncing him "wait til you're old enough to have that huh?"

Then again something about Conrad getting too attached to Lukas obviously made her feel guilty.

"Do you have to go away for six months?" Heather asked "Luke is going to get so much bigger in that time and you're going to miss a lot of milestones"

"I'm doing this for all of us Heather" Conrad said sincerely "it's going to benefit Luke in the long run and yes I am going to be missing a lot things but that's the sacrifice I'm willing to make for him"

"I'm just happy I'll be here for his first Thanksgiving and Christmas too" Conrad went on to say "maybe even number two before I leave"

"Conrad!" Heather chuckled

"Hey it's been six weeks," he teased

"Yes but I plan on losing this baby weight to fit in my wedding dress remember?"

"Of course I remember I'm just teasing" he said kissing her "we can always work on number two on the wedding night"

"Oh how romantic"

"I love you Heather" Conrad said sincerely looking her in the eyes. Guilt washed all over Heather and still she replied

"I love you too"

Lukas was the first grandchild on both the Ramsey and Kuhn sides of the family so of course he was the center of attention that evening. Lukas was passed around more times than the peas and potatoes and everyone was just eating him up.

Everyone was having a fabulous time and congratulated Conrad on Lukas and passing the PST. About an hour or two after dinner and before dessert most of the family were either gathered in front of the television or headed to the backyard to toss around the pigskin.

Conrad was getting ready to join so he handed Lukas over to Anne when the doorbell rung. Who could that be? Everyone else was here already?

"I'll get it" Conrad said to Anne "you sit down and enjoy your grandson"

Conrad answered the door to come face to face with a tall blonde man who looked a little confused.

"May I help you?" Conrad asked

"Heather lives here right?"

"Yes" Conrad replied "and who are you exactly? A cousin?"

The man frowned and shook his head "Cousin? No I'm---"

"Conrad who is it?" Heather rushed over and her face turned bright red when she saw who it was

"Sean?" she exclaimed, "what are you doing here?!?"

"Heather I missed you" he said, "I just got paroled and I've been looking for you"

"Wait Heather you know this guy?"

Heather ignored Conrad and tried to shove Sean out the door and hissed at him "I told you it was a one time thing!"

"What was a one time thing? Heather what the hell is going on?!?"

"Is everything okay?" Anne asked as she came over to the door with Lukas in her arms.

Sean stared at the baby for what seemed to be an uncomfortable amount of time and Conrad was about to call this creep out for staring at his son; when he began to notice shocking similarities.

Same nose

Same eye shape

And that blonde hair that Conrad questioned Heather about.

"Heather?"

The entire house grew quiet as everyone looked over to the scene at the doorway. There Heather was like a deer caught in headlights and Conrad was growing from shocked to surprised to pissed.

"Is Luke my son?" he asked quite frankly not beating around the bush

"Conrad please not in front of everyone here---"

"Is Luke my son?" Conrad repeated trying not to cry even though he wanted to and Heather didn't even need to say anything because he knew the obvious answer.

Conrad put the rest of the leftovers in the fridge when he heard Heather make her way into the kitchen. The silence between them as expected was indeed awkward until Heather spoke up.

"I put Luke down for the night" she said "he shouldn't be back up for a while---"

"When were you going to tell me?" Conrad asked cutting her off

"Conrad please"

"No Heather when were you going to tell me?" Conrad demanded "on his first day of kindergarten or were you going to wait all the way until his eighteenth birthday?"

"Does it matter?" Heather shot back "you love him and you obviously have stepped up to the plate to be his father"

"But I'm not his father" Conrad said "and you knew that all along and you were just going to string us both along for the next eighteen plus years weren't you?"

"You wanted him the minute I told you I was pregnant---"

"Because I thought my fiancée was carrying my child" Conrad replied "come to think of it when did this Sean guy impregnate you anyway? Because if Luke was my son he wouldn't be over a month old now"

"January"

"I didn't get leave until the first week of March" Conrad said "unless Luke was premature he would have been due in a few days"

"He came a little early"

"Oh no Heather he showed up right on schedule no premature baby weighs almost ten pounds"

"I was lonely okay!" Heather snapped crying now "you're so selfish and you have no idea what it's like for me to be without someone to touch me; Sean was there for me when you weren't"

"I'm selfish?!?" Conrad snapped "I do what I do for us for what was supposed to be our family and yes I get lonely too and miss your touch but I don't throw our whole relationship out the window for a cheap lay!"

"It was one time and then you came home so I didn't know who was the father at first---"

"Luke looks just Sean!" Conrad cut her off "and since we're talking about being selfish don't you think it's selfish to have him growing up thinking I'm his father?"

"He's a baby," Heather said pathetically

"Okay and babies grow up and eventually become young adults" Conrad argued, "you're not only hurting me but you're hurting him in the long run too"

"I knew that you would be a better father than Sean please try to understand that---"

"I completely understand" Conrad said "the guy got paroled Heather so he's great in the sack but big surprise he's not father material"

"Why are you men so egoistical about things like that?!?" she shot back "does it really matter if Luke didn't come from your own sperm?!? You still love him"

"It's a matter of trust" Conrad said "and yes I do still love Luke that little boy wiggled his way into my heart in such a short amount of time but I love him so much that I have to walk away from him"

"Why?" Heather cried, "that doesn't make any fucking sense?

"Because he deserves to know who his real father is" Conrad said hurt "and I don't want him to be hurt from a lie you created; just like I deserve a future wife who won't cheat on me"

"So it's over just like that?"

"I can't be with a woman who sleeps around on me then makes me claim a child that's not mine"

"I bet you've fucked plenty of those women on the base don't go pointing fingers at me!"

"No Heather I haven't because I was engaged to you" Conrad said finally and Heather then yanked off her engagement ring and flung it at him

"Well fine!" she spat "you're not engaged to me anymore and I'm leaving!"

With that said Heather packed a small bag and a crying Lukas and left to her mother's that chilly Thanksgiving night.

The doorbell rang and Conrad went to answer it and was surprised to see Anne

"Conrad"

"Ms. Kuhn" he greeted "come on in it's pretty cold out"

Anne was here to pick up the rest of Heather's things from the house she also had Lukas in his carrier. It had been two weeks since Heather left that night with a colicky and upset Lukas and went to stay with her mother for a bit.

Since they were not on speaking terms Conrad had not heard from Heather since that night.

"How is Luke?" he asked

"He's doing fine" Anne replied, "his pediatrician is saying he's eating pretty well by how big he's getting.

Conrad nodded even though Lukas wasn't his he couldn't hold a grudge against an innocent baby he wasn't that type of man; and at the end of the day Lukas couldn't help who his biological father really was.

Heather on the other hand knew damn well what she was doing and that betrayal cut deep. She had hurt both him and Lukas; robbing him of a decent father and robbing Conrad of his trust and faith in her.

"Conrad I'm really sorry about all of this" Anne said sincerely "I had no idea honestly I never would have thought Heather would do something like this"

"It's not your fault Ms. Kuhn"

"You're a really decent and good man Conrad and I know you're hurting but I just want you to know you deserve so much more"

"Thank you" he replied he couldn't be mad at Anne either "do you need some help?"

"If you don't mind"

Lukas began to whimper and cry

"Hold that thought for a minute the prince is hungry" Anne chuckled.

Anne took a bottle out of the baby bag and proceeded to feed the hungry baby.

"Where is Heather anyway?"

"She went off for a bit" Anne said rather embarrassed "I guess she's just figuring things out"

It was all Conrad needed to hear if Heather could do this to her own mother and son; she was definitely not the woman that he wanted to be his wife.

There was no doubt Anne was a doting grandmother but she was just that a grandmother; Lukas was not her responsibility and Conrad felt bad for her.

"Are you going to be okay?" Conrad couldn't help asking

"I'll be fine believe it or not Luke is an easy baby" she insisted "I'm setting up his nursery in Heather's childhood room"

"Do you have a crib?" he asked figuring that was the least he could do "the crib we had set up in the nursery is upstairs I can take it down and put it in the box for you"

"That would be nice yes" Anne agreed "he's getting big for the bassinet"

"I could imagine so," Conrad said smiling sadly at the baby

"It will be your turn one day I promise but for right now you're going to go be a SEAL this is still an exciting time for you"

"Yeah I am looking forward to that," he said, "who knows I may inspire a little kid like Luke to become a SEAL as well"

Conrad boxed up the crib for Anne as promised and delivered it over to her house and helped her carry it to the room.

"Now Conrad you've done enough" Anne stopped him when he insisted he put it together for her "I'm more than capable of putting this crib back together and I thank you"

Anne gave Conrad a sincere hug and whispered, "I'm going to miss you but you take care of yourself and be the best SEAL you can be"

"I will Ms. Kuhn and you do the same" he promised and turned to Luke and ran his hand on his rosy cheek

"You're a good kid Luke" he whispered, "you keep being that way okay?"

Lukas cooed at Conrad in return. After saying his final goodbyes Conrad went back home to his empty house; the house that he thought that he was going to raise a family in with Heather.

Conrad couldn't stand to be in this same house anymore and he knew that he would have to sell it. Besides he'd be going away for training for six months there was no point in keeping a big house to him.

It was time to start new and as much as he was hurting right now God was telling him to move forward. His future for right now was focusing on becoming a SEAL.