Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story


- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

Wow, I can't believe that I've had this chapter finished since early last year and (actually the whole story) and am just posting it now. My only defense is that I never felt that I had it just right and spent a considerable amount of time tweaking it and trying to make sure it was perfect. Hopefully I was able to make realistic the nuance between John and Natalie in a conversation that should have happened on the show and WOULD have were I or any sensible person at the helm of the ship (pun intended).

The inspiration for this chapter is from hands down one of the best songs in the English language: Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead. The Acoustic Version, my all time favorite live performance by the group, is on the Clueless Soundtrack and has been worn out on my playlist since Windows 95 was considered the pinnacle of computer OPs! Thom Yorke & Co are geniuses.

Please enjoy the final chapter before the prologue.

I own nothing but this story and the clothes on my back.




Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Chapter 9

Fake Plastic Trees

 

The heavy knock on John’s office door broke the comfortable silence he’d surprisingly maintained for a half hour, unaware that his girlfriend and semi-ex had been exchanging words as he muddled his way through the last day’s reports for overview. If he finished up ahead of time, he could get home to pack a bag for his stay at Van’s for the next week. She emailed him earlier to inform him she was cooking. There was no way in hell he would miss that rare opportunity.

“Yeah?” he barked distractedly.

The soft click of the turning knob followed and the clack of heels scarping across the threshold. “Hey, John, do you have a minute?”

John sighed inwardly upon immediate recognition of the voice and the way his name somehow had an A and W shoved unceremoniously where O and H had harmonized for years without disturbance.

The detective looked up, saw her face, and had an automatic reaction of concern which he mentally made a note to work on fixing. It was tear-streaked-her round green eyes glassy and bloodshot. Thin red lips trembled in defeat, made all the more tragic by the shitty artificial industrial lighting of his office. This was a look he was all too familiar with and a little wiser now at how she used his genuine concern for her well-being to bullshit and manipulate her way into his life.

Whenever Natalie Vega was in his midst, his entire being cringed. It was a mixture of guilt, irritation, sadness, disbelief, and utter despair that he had voluntarily put himself in a situation that it seemed he would never get out of no matter how many times he tried to sever ties with her. Then again, he couldn’t be all that upset as he had brought a lot of their miscommunication on himself.

A few years ago, he had wanted her for all the wrong reasons. Natalie was there, she physically reminded him of his dead fiancée, and she had a bit of an edge that he mistook for maturity beyond her years. She was a Buchanan in name but she was a simple Jersey Girl at heart and he respected that her new station in life hadn’t changed who she was fundamentally growing up a Balsom.  She was complicated and messy and always in need of his rescue. He understood complicated and though he tried to live a simple life, he related to messy.

But it was never about her.

Selfishly, it was about him. And apparently she had been okay with that until he realized that as fucked up as he was, it still wasn’t enough. She deserved love and that was never what he was offering.

He had gotten her husband killed even as the chemistry between them seemed to drown out all his common sense and reasoning.  Cristian Vega had sensed just how shaky his wife’s notion of fidelity could be when something more challenging, seasoned, and unavailable came her way. And John admittedly used that advantage to manipulate Natalie-and therefore Vega-into working with him. He had been attracted to her. He didn’t pursue her, but he didn’t shut their connection down either. When the boy died, what could he do but try to make it right?

Then Evangeline happened and that changed everything. The artist’s return only heightened his sense of relief. He still blamed himself for how everything played out, but at the very least, Vega was alive and Natalie, for lack of tact, was once again his problem.

He knew that, but in this moment, having the clarity of mind he’d finally succumbed to over the past couple of days, he understood that Natalie remained willfully oblivious.

The Buchanan heiress waited, her eyes silently pleading with him to give into her façade of a request. John may have been awakened to his part in all this mess, but she didn’t know that and he did care about her. So he used his two fingers to motion for her to sit down. Folding his hands and sitting back in his chair, he waited for her to take the moment to collect herself.

“What’s wrong Natalie?” He finally asked. “Is everything alright with Cristian?”

Apparently that had been the wrong question to ask because the girl began to go into what John could only describe as what his cousin Shannon would call a “bitch fit” mode.

“God, why does everyone ask me that damn question? Seriously! Everything is not about Cristian, you know! What about me, huh? I have problems too, but everyone wants to ask about Cris’ feelings, Cris’ well-being. I’m surprised your nosey ass girlfriend didn’t ask what kind of boxers he wears!”

The detective had been only slightly annoyed up until now and Natalie was completely oblivious to the enormous blunder she had just made so she didn’t see his features turn to sudden stone.

John leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands on the desk “Let’s set some perimeters for this conversation right now Natalie. I don’t know what went down between you or Evangeline today and you’re both adults so I won’t get involved, but if you’ve come to talk shit about her to me, you’ve got the wrong person. If you have a problem, I’ll do what I can to help, but let’s leave our personal feelings at the door.”

Natalie threw her hands in the air and shook her head. “Oh, yes, Saint Evangeline can do no wrong. I forgot that Miss Perfect can’t be called out for her bullshit. That’s my role.” Though the voice in her head told her to change her tactics, the wounded heart had ferociously clawed out any sense of dignity. She knew she had to go all in andwas willing to lose her last shred of self-respect trying to make John understand.

“Natalie.” John warned.

“Fine,” she said backing off. “I won’t go there.”

“Then what do you want?”

There was silent struggle to justify her reasons for showing up at his office door and in that moment honesty was all she had.

“I don’t know,” she said, her whole demeanor appearing defeated. Natalie suddenly felt she simultaneously had everything and nothing to lose and if she couldn’t have John McBain for whatever reason, she sure as hell wasn’t willing to let him go on happily without her.

“Then there isn’t anything I can do for you. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what the problem is.”

Natalie pushed her chair closer to his desk and began playing with the leaves of a small artificial bonsai tree that sat on the edge. It sat there, its lacquered greens catching the overhead light, too perfect looking to be real even in the dimly lit office. It as was stupid, but for some odd reason the sight of the shiny leaves shifted her mood and the defeated look replaced with one of dangerous determination.

For a moment John feared the woman was on the verge of a serious mental breakdown.

“Is everything okay with Marcie and Michael? I saw them come in today.”

“Yeah, they’re fine…” his voice trailed off, slightly confused.

Natalie shrugged. “That’s good. It’s just that I saw Evangeline there too and thought there was some kind of trouble.”

“We were having lunch.”

The red head snorted. “And dancing lessons too?”

John said nothing, partly because he was embarrassed that his no rhythm having ass was most likely the talk of the office and the other part because this conversation was heading down a dangerous path.

“Oh, yeah. The entire office is talking about how you spent lunch being goaded by Evangeline to dance.”

John rolled his eyes. “Well, then whoever was wasting the tax payer’s money by snooping on a private moment instead of doing their jobs will be dealt with.”

Including you, he said silently. Natalie was sharp enough to get the message and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “So is that all that you wanted to talk about-my lousy dancing?”

The red head continued to gaze in to his eyes searching for any leeway that might tell her what she should say. All she got was a blank stare. Apparently, she would have to make him see things her way. “I need some clarity John, because honestly, I feel like this is some big joke being played on me. Because I don’t understand how it is that you and I have spent the better part of two years chasing  around  this thing we have, something that you started while I was with Cristian, and now suddenly you’re telling the words that you claimed you couldn’t say to anyone, to Evangeline of all fucking people. See, I accepted that it was just something you weren’t capable of doing, but your actions always showed your true feelings.  That I was the one you couldn’t get out of your head, even when that snob was practically forcing you to tell her you loved her and you were just avoiding the inevitability of us. And now, you want me to just roll over and forget about everything we shared?  Well, I need answers. I need to know how you could do this to me.”

And so there it was. Not only had Natalie been up to her usual lurking self, what Evangeline has warned him about for months-the fact that he would ultimately have to own up to his part on this girl’s relentless quest to make him hers-had finally come to pass. And he was no less dreading it than he was before.

But here was his chance to set things right and so he would,

“Look, Natalie,” he began, “I think it’s time we set some things straight. And you’re right that this talk has been long overdue and that I owe you some answers. I’m going to give them to you with the promise that after we have this out, you walk away for good and leave it alone. You might not like what you hear, but I want your word that you will move on with your life and let me live mine.”

The redhead arched her eyebrow. “No deal. I want to hear what you have to say first before I agree to anything.”

“Fine,” John replied. “Just know that the offer was for your benefit and not mine. Regardless of how you feel, I’m sorry to say, it won’t change how I feel.”

The detective glanced at his picture of Evangeline on his desk for some added strength. He would need it.

“First, I owe you an apology. When we first met, I admit that we had an unspoken…attraction that I used to manipulate you and Cris into helping me. While I did like you genuinely, it was never my intention to act on it. You were with Cris and I respected that, but I also wanted to solve the Music Box Killer case. It cost you your husband and I felt guilty about it because I pushed Cris. He was reluctant and I pushed him into it and used you to do it.”

John paused, trying to gauge carefully how to put this next part of his speech together so that his words could not be misconstrued in any way.

“This is the truth. Being with you wasn’t complicated. You needed some stability and I was looking for someone to save. Maybe a lot of it had to do with Caitlin and what happened to her. You looked a lot like her and I thought maybe you were my second chance to right yet another wrong I felt I was responsible for.”

Natalie stopped John and held up a hand in protest. “So you’re telling me that what we had wasn’t real. You were only trying to play Robo Cop and I was just the damsel in place of your dead fiancée? That I’m making this all up in my head? That’s bullshit John and you know it!”

“I didn’t say that we didn’t have something real,” he corrected. “I’m saying that what we had wasn’t good for us. It wasn’t love, at least not on my part. I didn’t intentionally lead you on, but I didn’t help the situation and being the asshole that I am, I made it worse. Not just for you, but now for Cris.”

“This isn’t about Cris, John.”

“But it should be Natalie. He is your husband and when you thought you lost him, you grieved for him. That was real. That was love. And now you have a second chance to have the life you thought was taken from you. To be with someone who will give you the life you deserve.  Because I’m not that man Natalie.”

The tears began to fall in rapid succession, the Buchanan heiress’ face in complete shock. “You think you know me so well but you don’t. I do love Cristian. He was my first true love and I will always love hm. And I have tried to be the good and dutiful wife and pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. I’m not the girl Cris married anymore. His death changed me John. You changed me. You’ve made me feel things that I thought I had already felt only to find out that what I felt was fool’s gold. You and I make sense. Everything about us is right. The way we grew up, the way we approach life. So when you say you aren’t that man, when I know you are, and I know you know you are, it’s false. All that time you spent with Evangeline, and you would still come running if I called, the way you could never say you loved her.”

John grimaced inwardly. Not just because Evangeline had been spot on in her assessment about this entirely fucked up situation, but also because he had a feeling, short of his death, Natalie would not let go this easy.

“Natalie, the extent of my personal relationship with anyone is none of your business but, just this once; I’m going to say this to you because I’m the reason for this uncertainty. And then we’re done here because there is nothing left to say. I didn’t use Evangeline because I couldn’t admit my feelings for you. I put you in the middle because I couldn’t admit I loved her.”

Despite her face crumpling at the revelation, the sharp intake of her breath, John pressed on. “So, let me be clear once more. I’m sorry for my part in causing confusion in your life. I was a selfish bastard for that, but it’s time for us both to move on. I am with Evangeline. I am in love with Evangeline and there isn’t a damn thing you or anyone else can do about it.”

There was a deafening silence in the air in that moment. Natalie looked into the eyes of the man that she had come to love, eyes that normally never gave anything away, unless he called for it. And she saw it right there. It wasn’t a lie. He meant every word. Somehow, in the midst of their burgeoning love story, he had actually fallen for someone else. She wasn’t the most intelligent being on the earth, but that had to qualify as some type of irony.

And it was still unacceptable. Why did that bitch Evangeline get to run off into the sunset with her happy ending, and she be left miserable? She would be stuck in a marriage she no longer wanted pining over a man she’d have to see all the time and with his girlfriend no less, living out the moments she had spent the last two years fantasizing about, reminding of her of what she couldn’t have. And as usual, Miss Perfect swoops in doing practically nothing to win John. Perhaps that was what irked her more than anything. Having to see that self-satisfying smirk on Evangeline’s face, knowing that she beat out the competition. The thought alone had Natalie seeing red.

John waited patiently for her to work it out, in his own way looking out for her one last time to make sure she was okay. He never really understood how unstable Natalie was and the guilt he felt over adding to that would never go away completely. But he would learn to live with it and make his peace the best way he knew how.

“Why her John? I asked you that before and you didn’t even have an answer, but I deserve to know. Why her and why not me? What-“

“Natalie, don’t do this. Will it make this situation better?”

“YES! Because if there is something I can do, if it’s something that I can fix, I will. What can she do for you that I can’t? You aren’t anything alike! She could never understand your or appreciate you the way I do. So I’m asking you to tell me.”

John thought for a minute and finally realized that he could not save her. Not even from the truth. The best thing he could do for her was to be honest. It was the evading and lying that bought them to this moment to begin with.  

“You can’t do anything because you could never be Evangeline. You’re Natalie Vega and there is nothing wrong with you. You say you understand me, and that we are the same, but we aren’t. If the situation was reversed and I was sitting in your chair having this conversation with you, I would have already accepted the truth of the matter and left. Maybe it would hurt like hell, but it is what it is. You and I may come from the same place, but we’re not the same and who we are individually would never work together.

“And as for Evangeline, all you have to know is that when I look at her, I see my past, present, and future with her. When we’re together, it’s right. It’s so right, it fucking sacred me enough to try and sabotage it. I feel things that I’ve never felt with anyone before. She made me want more. Not with games, or manipulation or lies. Just love. She’s my home, Natalie. And even though I care for you, I don’t feel that way about you.”

“So that’s it?” she crossed over to John’s side of the desk. He stood to meet her face to face. “I’m supposed to just walk away and lick my wounds. Just accept defeat?

John’s brow rose in curiosity. “Well, what is this about? Are you upset because you can’t have me or because Evangeline won whatever war you think you have with her?”

Natalie shook her head. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

The detective sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I want you to be happy. No matter what you think you wouldn’t find that with me. Even if it’s not with Cris, I want you to be okay because you deserve that. Don’t waste your emotions on me or anyone else who doesn’t deserve it.”

“John-“

“I don’t want to be your savior anymore. I’m sorry.”

Out of everything that had just transpired, it was those words that broke her spirit. There was tension in the room that reeked of finality and it had never existed before. The energy was as old as time itself when concerning matters of the heart left unresolved. She turned away from John and took a few steps to his window taking in the bustling street of Llanview Avenue. She could see her brother Kevin walking arm in arm with his wife Kelly heading toward Hollow Grounds. They were whispering in each other’s ears like giddy teenagers. The relationship had six years of turmoil and grief. Both had hurt each other so badly, but here they were now-stronger than ever and in love. Even Blair and Todd were taking a break from their love/hate drama and were sitting on one of the benches with Starr  happily having ice cream. It was the town consensus that the Mannings enjoyed turning Llanview upside down by making more wars than love against each other. And yet, it worked for them.

And then there was Evangeline Williamson.

Her nemesis.

The thorn in her side was crossing the street with her best friend Nora Buchanan, seemingly in the middle of a serious conversation. As they walked pass familiar faces, Evangeline smiled waving jovially; first to her other best friend Todd and his family (though Natalie was slightly mollified to see Blair roll her eyes even as she managed a pathetic wave) and then to Kevin who caught her attention before walking into the coffee shop. He made a gesture with his hand indicating that he needed to speak with her and she nodded. She had the whole fucking town, including the majority of her family, tied around her finger.

And John.

No matter how much she had grown over the past couple of years, no matter how much she had finally begun to own her life as a Buchanan heiress, she would never be enough. Not even for someone who was nobody compared to her.  She’d always be that poor white trash girl from the outskirts of the good part of town, learning how to lie and cheat her way through life.

But she was a Buchanan now and no one could take that from her, and if she couldn’t have John, she would make sure that every moment of Evangeline’s life in Llanview was made uncomfortable. She could have John, but she would pay the price for it.

She turned back around to the detective. Her face had hardened, the tears were drying, the energy in the room shifting yet again. “I don’t need you to save me. I didn’t ask you to save me. But you’re going to regret your decision. Because this is the last time I humiliate myself and beg you to take what’s rightfully yours. And when things fall apart with her, don’t bother coming back to me with your tail between your legs you son of a bitch. Because I will never forgive you for doing this to me.”

She began to walk away from John, but he grabbed her arm. This time, his eyes were as cold as ice and the red head felt the child all the way down to her bones. Natalie couldn’t help but recoil in slight fear. “Whatever you’re planning to do, I would warn you not for Evangeline’s sake, but for your own. Don’t cross her. If you mess with her in any way, she will destroy you first, then you’ll deal with me, and I think you know how I am about the people I love. You’ve got a lot of growing to do. But I’m not a boy Natalie. I’m a man. I’m flawed, but I’m a man. And I need a woman, not a girl pretending to be one."

Natalie yanked her out of John’s clutches. “You need an escape from your pathetic existence, a fantasy to keep you distracted from how miserable and how broken you really are.”

“All the more reason for you to stay away then, right? Get out Natalie. And don’t come back. My door is no longer open to you aside from official business.”

Natalie backed out of the office, but not before sending the supposed love of her life an invitation to hell, grabbing the football that Evangeline had given John and the letter opener that sat on top of John’s desk. Silently, she plunged the letter opener into the memento until it looked like it had been through a bloody battle and threw the deflated pigskin to the floor, her heated eyes never leaving John’s.

She turned on her heels and slammed the door with a force that had to exist out of her natural strength, the glass shattering ferociously in complete harmony with her rage.

John sighed, as he looked at the innocent token that had been slaughtered, then at the settling of the glass. The day had just gotten longer.  A sharp pain in his head came on instantly and he reached for his desk drawer to achieve aspirin. The crunch of shattered glasses being pressed by a heavy foot only intensified the pain.

John looked up and saw Bo and a few other colleagues standing behind him with concerned expressions.

“What the hell is going on McBain?” Bo shouted. Seeing his colleague looking weary, his next question was a bit softer in tone. “Are you alright?”

“Does it look alright?” John snapped but automatically regretted the tone. “Sorry. It’s fine.”

Bo turned around and told the other officers to get back to work and to send for maintenance. He stepped over the glass and noted the deflated football with a letter opener stuck in its middle. He grunted something inaudible and shook his head as he sat down in the empty chair.

“I guess you and Van were competing against who would drive the Buchanans the most insane in a day.”

John snorted as he lifted the water bottle to his mouth to wash the pills down. Placing the bottle on the desk, and wiping his mouth with a napkin, he finally returned Bo’s gaze. “Trust me that wasn’t the intent. Your niece has an uncanny way of making something about her when it’s not.”

Bo only nodded his head in affirmation. “I don’t care what the details are. And I know I don’t have to remind you that this isn’t some back alley where you and your love life handle all your complicated entanglements. Because I know my niece and I know that she-nine times out of ten-was already set in motion to act a fool. But for the love of God and the sake of that poor football that was signed by McNabb himself, I hope you finally set her straight.”

John laughed absentmindedly. “I told Natalie what she didn’t want to hear. What was said is between us, and I’m sorry if I hurt her, but like you said, she came to me. Either way, we’ve said our peace.”

“And then some,” Bo countered. He got up and pushed his chair back in place.

“I spoke with Evangeline earlier who was also minding her business and ran into the same…situation. Not that I ever doubted it, but the lady can most definitely hold her own, even in a fancy work suit.”

John smiled absentmindedly at the thought of Van kicking someone’s ass. “She definitely can.”

Bo studied John for a moment pleased with what he saw. “She’s a good woman,” he said as he walked towards the battered door. He turned back to John. “Don’t fuck this one up, okay? Replacing this stuff don’t come cheap,” he joked.

“Sir,” John replied.

John took a deep breath and exhaled. Finally, the last weight on his shoulder had been lifted. He had tied up all the loose ends and cleared the debris that had blocked his path for so long. For the first time in a long time, the detective could finally see a clearing in his road ahead.

And it felt so right.


Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

It wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

It wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted all the time

All the time...
All the time...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 






Chapter End Notes:

One for you so please review!







Enter the security code shown below:
Note: You may submit either a rating or a review or both.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.