CHAPTER 28.1 

I had a job interview - nothing special, but I guess it was another step in the forward direction. There was only like a month and a bit left before I would shout the words 'Good riddance' to high school and whilst most seniors were getting their butts excited for college I decided to take a different route and gain some experience working in the real world. So there I had it, a job interview at a seniors care home.

It wouldn't have been any use telling my parents, especially my mum as she'd be making plans on my salary and how I'd contribute to the household regardless of the fact that I hadn't even gotten the job yet.

Once I got into my room, I dropped my bag on the bed and sat at my desk with a heavy sigh. If it weren't for the invention of assignments and exams, I would have had nothing to do with my days other than mentally slap myself and cry over what I let pass me by ever so easily. There were instances when I would walk in whatever room my mum was and she'd be on the phone to Sara and her voice would suddenly turn into a boom box and she'd say stuff like, 'Oh Sara, Angelo is such a lovely boy!' or something like, 'Did Angelo really do that?'

And her game plan definitely did work; one mention of his name and my ears would perk up like antlers, wanting to know what he was up to. I had talked to Sara once or twice since she'd left and both times she'd asked if her son and I were in a relationship yet, which I had glumly responded no. I had no idea if she knew that Angelo and I were not on speaking terms, but my mum who was always ever to eager to fill in Sara with updates, I'd expect she knew already. 

After those two occasions of speaking to Sara, I told my mum to lie for me whenever she wanted to speak to me, to tell her that I was in school or sleeping. It's not the fact that I didn't want to speak to her but I wanted to avoid the awkward conversation where Sara would eventually ask me why Angelo and I were no longer talking.

Surprisingly my usually interrogative parents had not said anything to me about it - for once. Bobby though did ask me on a few occasions if we could invite Angelo over to our house for a 'sleepover' which I responded with a resounding no.

It had been four long months of not having to listen to his narcissistic remarks or him  annoying me in some type of way that made me want to throw something at his face.

But damn did I miss him. I missed him so damn much.

It was bittersweet really for it cost me not having Angelo in my life to finally make an attempt to be more secure with myself. It was a working progress. There were many days when I hated my body and wished I could rip it apart and start again but there were also breakthrough days, albeit few, when I took my dad's and Sara's words on board - I needed to discover what was inside of me because that was more powerful than what

 was on the outside. 

For that reason, I tried to keep myself busy by volunteering twice a week at a kindergarten assisting children who were physically disabled. It really put a lot of things in perspective for me seeing beautiful little darlings have diseases such as multiple sclerosis, polio and down's syndrome plague them for the rest of the their lives. Sometimes the way they responded to me or how I saw them progress through each activity given, made me forget about their disability. The strength and beauty of those children through whatever they were fighting made me ashamed on how much I took for 

granted. 

Checking the time and seeing that it had nearly been an hour since I'd returned from school, I got up from my desk and changed into pyjamas before settling in with my soon-to-be-due assignment. 

"Don't think I will allow you to go to your interview dressed like that," my mum said looking down at the clothes I was wearing which were a pair of dark, blue jeans and black and white checkered polo shirt, before finally meeting my shocked gaze.  "If I were your prospective employer I sure would not give you a job when you don't look like you really want it."

I had come down the stairs hoping that everyone had gone about their business and I could make an easy exit, but of course life didn't work that way, I met my mother in the kitchen eating her breakfast. Whoever came up with the quote "Mother knows best", I bet really meant, "mothers are nosiest".

"How d'you know I had an interview?" I asked whilst thinking hard at what point between the last five days since I'd gotten the letter did I mention it to her.

"Oh please Luciana, if you hadn't wanted me to find out about it you should have cleaned your room when I asked you to," she said unapologetically at the intrusion of my privacy, "now come up, I have twenty minutes before I need to get to work to get you 

looking presentable."

There wasn't even any point in me trying to convince her I looked perfectly okay with how I dressed so without saying so much of a word I tailed behind her up the stairs.

"Looking at your resume and the questions you've answered for me today I say you've been very successful, Miss. Carter but before we take your application any further we are going to need a recommendation letter from a past employer and your school."

Forcing a strained smile on my face, I replied, "How long do I have to do this by?"

" A week."

A week?

My interviewer who was a middle aged woman had noticed that I had gone silence and with another cheery smile she said, "If there is nothing else that I can help you with,  I had a pleasure talking to you today Miss. Carter and I hope to hear from you soon. Have a lovely day."

Once I had made myself out the senior care home, where my interview was held I unlocked the key to the car, jumped in before sitting down in utter loss of what to do next.

Getting a recommendation from school was easiest but the other...I was not prepared. The kindergarten didn't give recommendations to its volunteers unless they were with them for at least six months and I'd only been with them for three - that only gave

 me one option. Releasing a short gasp of air, I stuck the key into the ignition ready to drive to school for my afternoon classes. 

After school I had called my dad to be of great assistance to me and get Eduardo to ask Angelo to write me a letter of recommendation, because yes, I was too chicken to do it myself. My dad's only response before cutting off the line rather rudely was, 'Esther I love you, but I'm not doing your dirty work.' And this was why after mustering up much courage and squashing up my cowardice I was sat in my car outside Angelo's house, after four months.

I couldn't do this.

It felt like a bouncy castle party was going on in my belly as I sat still in my car. My palms were perspiring profusely and I thought I was going to pee out of fear. The urge to drive out his driveway was kicking from every side of me. I checked myself in the rear view mirror for the hundredth time looking for some reassurance, that all was going to be well, which was a bull loaded lie when I knew anything was going to go but well.

For brief minutes I repeatedly shifted my gaze between his front door and the silent, peaceful afternoon street ahead of me that looked so tempting to just cruise through and away from any pending confrontations. At the same time I wanted to go in, I wanted to see him, I wanted to hear him, I wanted to feel that something I felt whenever he was in close proximity with me.

Do it for the old people, they need you Luciana.

Before I could change my mind, I hastily scrambled out my car, breathing in deep and exhaling slowly. I walked up to his doorstep and pressed his doorbell. Even if he did tell me to fuck off, I would know at least I tried. Even though I knew I would deserved it, I knew it would still hurt me deeply.

Within seconds the mahogany doors to his house opened and my heart thrummed faster as it became familiar with the husky smoothness of his voice as he asked for who was on the other side of the door. I didn't answer him but for some stupidity beyond human 

comprehension I let out a little squeak as soon as his mocha coloured eyes came in to view.

He arrested my breath as soon as our eyes met and I was overcome with overwhelming emotions. I carried on my private study of him a little further taking notice of his olive 

complexion that had darkened since I'd last seen him. Two weeks ago, whilst I was doing the laundry, I heard my mum in the bathroom speaking to Sara who was on loudspeaker telling her that Angelo had come to Spain for a few days.

I tried to muster the remaining pieces of sanity I had left as I uncomfortably cleared my throat ready to state my purpose of being at his doorstep unannounced only he beat me to it first.

"What are you doing here?"

He sounded pissed off and his gaze was not in the least bit friendly.

Surprised by the question even though I shouldn't have been, I stuttered out, "Wh-what am I doing here?"

"That's what I asked." He replied in a bored tone as he rested one long arm on the side of the door until he had enough of waiting for myself and went back inside. 

For a second I was unsure of whether to follow him inside or leave, but he hadn't slammed the the door shut in my face so I took it as my invitation to enter.

Walking into his large living room I spotted papers spread out everywhere with multiple cans of empty energy drinks tossed around the floor and centre table.

"Studying for finals," I heard him explain so closely from behind me.

I jumped and quickly twisted around only to bump face to shoulder with him. His arms came around my waist to steady my balance, shocked by the action I quickly pushed away from him.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to be erm...so close," I stammered feeling heat from his touch laced around my waist.

I looked up waiting for his reply but he didn't, all he did was just stare back blankly at me. Under his empty gaze, I found my throat too clogged to say anything that I was supposed to say. It must have been the months without his presence contrasted with being that close to him that made me do something I did not understand.

Slowly I paced over to where he stood refusing to break contact. His gaze wavered in 

small confusion. In close proximity I heard  his breathing dip as I pressed my lips on the hot flesh of his chest, before whispering in his ear, "I've been a bitch, I'm sorry."