“Faith you look beat” Leah observed at dinner noting how Faith hadn’t touched much of her food

“I’m good” Faith replied even though she had been trying to get the same piece of steak off her plate for the past five minutes now.

“Somebody deserves a good night’s sleep” their cabin mate Yazmin Davis pointed out “you’re practically about to fall asleep in your mashed potatoes”

“I think we all deserve a good night’s sleep” Dominique spoke up “Lord only knows if we’ll get it with Jamison screaming her head off every night”

As much as Faith wanted to argue with Dominique she knew that she had a point. Faith honestly didn’t know what was bringing on all these horrible dreams and memories about her past. Things she thought that she had let go of years ago were still in the back of her conscious.

“Could it be that you’re just stressing out about the PST?” Leah suggested “I don’t think you have much to worry about you’ve been training every morning for the past two weeks now”

That was true Faith was up almost every morning and was not only running on the track she had also been doing push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups.

Faith even planned on getting up early the next morning to start training in the pool at the base’s gym; there was a part of the test where she’d have to do a five hundred yard swim in less than twelve minutes and thirty seconds.

Faith managed to give Leah a little smile though “No it’s not the PST it’s just something else that’s been on my mind”

“Well make sure you keep that ‘something else’ to yourself tonight” Dominique said

It was late afternoon and Howard would be home from work any minute and the meatloaf, carrots, and biscuits Faith made for dinner were waiting for him warm in the oven.

Faith ran her hands across the soft yellow blanket that she had been crocheting for months now. The blanket had been for her daughter Butterfly who would have been three months old by now had Faith actually delivered her.

Even though her baby wasn’t with her Faith still wanted a piece of her it was comforting and gave her peace of mind. Although Faith missed Butterfly greatly and she didn’t even get to meet her perhaps it was for the best that God took her. Faith was already in a shitty situation it wasn’t fair to bring an innocent baby into it.

Faith heard the front door slam and she knew that Howard was home. She heard him rummaging through the kitchen and he must of looked in the oven and got frustrated and confronted her in the dining room.

“Meatloaf again?” Howard said annoyed “really?”

“That was the only thing I could find to make in the freezer,” Faith explained

“What the hell is that?”

“Nothing” Faith said trying to hide both the blanket and the yarn in her lap under the table

“Give it to me girl” he said sternly

“I’m still working on it---“ Faith tried to explain but Howard yanked it out of her grasp and sent the ball of yarn flying as well.

“What is this?”

“…..”

“Speak up girl!” Howard barked at her

“It’s a blanket”

“A blanket? For what?”

“It was for the baby,” Faith whispered

“Then what fuck you making it for?!?” Howard grunted at her obviously annoyed “you miscarried remember dumbass and you aren’t expecting no baby right now!”

“I…I..I just wanted to finish it---“

“No what you should be doing is actually making me something other than meatloaf!” he cut her off “and you sitting here making blankets for a dead baby!”

“I’m sorry sir” Faith said “can I please have my blanket back?”

Howard didn’t answer her instead he dropped the blanket on the floor and stomped his grimy boots into the soft blanket making it dirty.

Howard picked it back up and threw it at Faith

“Throw that piece of shit in the trash and make me a real dinner!” Howard barked as she quickly made her way back to the kitchen “and I better not hear any damn crying either!”

Faith woke up to her pillow drenched with tears and a bit of snot from her crying and she tried to be quiet to not upset Dominique again. However Leah heard her and her friend climbed down from her bunk to see to her.

“Faith” she whispered, “seriously what’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“No obviously it’s something” Leah said “you wouldn’t be this upset if it were over nothing”

“Leah I just can’t okay”

“You can’t what?”

“I have to get ready” Faith said getting up and wiping her teary face “I’ll see you at breakfast Leah”

“I don’t think you should go this morning,” Leah said

“I’ll feel better once I’m in the water” she insisted

“Oh my god just go already so the rest of us can sleep!” Dominique snapped.

Conrad was about to enter gym’s pool when he saw Faith doing her breaststrokes and couldn’t help but chuckle. Damn this was one persistent woman.

It seemed she had beat him to every workout station in the gym so far every morning and now the pool too.

Faith of course would have to more than likely train harder than everybody else just because of the fact that she faced the possibility of not being taken seriously because of her gender.

Hell Conrad wouldn’t be surprised if she would be rejected even if she did pass the PST; the SEALS were still seen as a man’s position. As Faith got out of the pool she sat on the edge and wrapped her towel around herself and sat there to catch her breath for a minute.

“That was pretty impressive Jamison”

Faith looked over her shoulder to see Conrad close the door behind him

“You were watching me Officer?”

“I happened to see a little bit yes” he replied “you’re quite the athlete did you swim or run track in high school?”

“No I actually just focused on academics in high school” Faith partially lied not wanting to admit that her teenage life was hell

“Well then that’s a shame you would have been great” Conrad said taking his shirt and pants off until he was down to his swim trunks and sat across from her

“I’m glad that you think so,” Faith said not really wanting to talk right now

“You didn’t have to stop because I walked in”

“I was just getting ready to leave anyway” she said “I want to shower before breakfast”

“Jamison its Sunday there’s no rush to go get breakfast it runs until at least eleven today”

“Oh” Faith said, “I actually forgot it was Sunday”

“It’s also visitation today too” Conrad said, “do you have anyone coming to see you this afternoon? Family? Friends?”

The only family that had been visiting Faith was her younger brothers Wesley, Kenneth, and Dmitri. They were between seventeen to fourteen years old and still lived at home.

Wesley the oldest brother was only about six years old when Faith had been married off and sent to live with Faith and had been old enough to notice his older sister’s absence.

The base was about two transit buses away from her childhood home.

After what happened with Howard and doing time in juvie Faith knew that her parents knew where she was but they hadn’t seen her since she was in juvie.

Faith knew that her father Robert was filling her brothers’ heads with bullshit about what a scorned and bad woman their big sister was; but at least because of their genders they weren’t married off or out of school. In fact Wesley was set to graduate high school the following spring and Faith was happy for him.

As much as she loved seeing her brothers when they would come see her she warned them not to come too often because God only knows what Robert would do to them if he found out they were visiting her. They still had to live with that asshole and her mother Glenda wouldn’t dare raise her voice against her husband.

“No” Faith said

“Nobody at all?”

“It’s fine I’m not that close with my family anyway”

Conrad decided not to push the topic when he noticed the small hint of sadness in her voice to his surprise she asked him

“Is your wife coming to see you Officer?”

“Yes my fiancée and her mother but this may be her last visit though” he replied “she’s going to be having our first baby around Thanksgiving”

“That’s good” Faith said

“I’m sure you’ll settle down too someday Jamison”

“I doubt it,” she said quickly nipping that marriage conversation in the bud “I don’t think marriage and family is for everyone; besides I’m more of a loner”

“Even the most highest ranked SEALS have a family to go home to Jamison”

“They’re the lucky ones then” Faith replied

Conrad frowned wondering why Faith would say something like that before he could ask why; Ron entered the room

“Look who we have here Ramsey and Jamison” Ron chuckled

“Ramsey” Conrad greeted reluctantly

“What are you two doing? You teaching Jamison how to actually swim or just do water aerobics?”

“I actually know how to swim Ferry” Faith spat back “thank you very much”

“Sure you do sweetie and I know how to bake an apple pie” Ron chuckled

Faith didn’t reply instead she decided to prove her point; unwrapping herself from her towel she dived in the water and did a perfect breaststroke from this end of the pool to the other end and back.

Faith climbed out of the pool and looked Ron dead in the eye daring him to say something and much to her dismay he did.

“That was cute Jamison I don’t think it’s SEAL ready though” Ron said

“I don’t care what you think Ferry I know it is” Faith said having the last word and gathered her things to leave for the showers

“Really Ferry?” Conrad said, “you know that was pretty damn good”

“I know those tits and that ass of hers looks pretty damn good” Ron said “I’m telling you she just needs a stiff dick one of these days and I might give it to her too”

“You better not Ferry” Conrad warned

“Why do you care so much Ramsey?” Ron teased “what about your fiancée?”

“You know what I mean Ferry”

“Don’t be getting all ethical with me Ramsey it’s not professional to have growing feelings for one of the damn seamen or in this case should I say sea women”

Conrad swore he was going to knock Ron’s head off his shoulder one of these days.

“Should Conrad be home in time for the baby?” Anne asked her daughter as they parked in the base’s parking lot

“Yes” Heather replied, “there’s no way he’d miss the birth of his first son”

“Well he is a good man and I know he’ll be there” Anne said “I’m so excited to have him as my son-in-law”

“I can’t wait either Mom” Heather said. Conrad was quite the catch. Handsome, smart, tough, yet loving he would be an awesome husband and father. Which was why Heather needed Sean to stop calling her; it was a one time fling and that was it she already decided Conrad would be her child’s father.

There wasn’t much she could at this point she just prayed to God that Sean wouldn’t show up at the damn hospital the day she was due to deliver.

“There he is” Anne beamed

“Afternoon Ms. Kuhn”

“Call me Mom” Anne insisted “you’ll be my son-in-law soon”

“Hello beautiful” Conrad greeted kissing his blushing fiancée on the cheek and Heather couldn’t help but to bask in their loving hold.

“And how’s little man doing in there?” Conrad asked gently caressing her belly; since Heather knew the truth about her baby’s paternity it felt a little bit weird for Conrad to pat her belly

“He’s doing good” Heather said, “the doctor said he should be dropping by the first week of November”

“The house is coming along nice as well” Anne added “and if the baby shows up on time it will be a Thanksgiving dinner, a house warming, and welcoming my new grandson”

“That’s great” Conrad said

“When is your PST scheduled?”

“It’s coming up pretty quick” Conrad replied “it’s already the thirtieth and it’s supposed to be on the twentieth”

“Are you training?”

“In the process yes” Conrad said, “fifteen of us here got selected”

“I heard that there’s a woman planning on taking the PST too” Anne said “I guess the plans for allowing women in the SEALS in going thorough”

“Yeah she’s actually pretty impressive” Conrad said, “she has a good chance”

“She’s probably a dyke or a lesbian” Heather said rather rudely “no straight woman with any decency would do that”

Conrad frowned a little bit at Heather’s comment which was weird since he shouldn’t even care that much.

Anne could sense the awkward tension between them after Heather made that statement and quickly changed the topic.

“Have you two settled on a name yet?”

“I still want Aidan” Heather said, “I like it’s cute”

“Maybe Aidan can be his middle name” Conrad suggested, “it’s too popular as a first name”

The rest of the visitation hour was spent talking about Thanksgiving plans, baby names, the baby’s nursery, and Conrad’s plans if he did pass the PST. All the while for some reason Conrad still was thinking about what Heather said about Faith not only was it rude it was stereotypical.

Just because Faith was interested in becoming a SEAL didn’t mean she was a dyke or a lesbian. Heather didn’t know one thing about Faith not even her name.

Then again Conrad didn’t know that much about Faith either.