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A/N: No. Your eyes are not deceiving you. This is a new chapter of Pride in Logic in under two days! Woot! In this chapter the guano hits the fan. Enjoy! I hope to have an update in a few weeks, but no promises. I've surprised my damn self with this fast update.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Pride and Logic—Chapter 14

 

Nyota strolled alongside Selkek, admiring the view of San Francisco Bay, enjoying the afternoon sun and the melodious voice of her companion. That morning she had spoken with Gaila and was disheartened to find that she was still mourning the loss of Shuran. Gaila appeared listless and to have lost weight. Nyota offered to cut her stay in San Francisco short to visit her, but Gaila convinced her to stay and make the most of her budding connection with the great T’Pau.

 

“I am sure you will have many amusing stories to share with me when we meet again. I wouldn’t dare deprive you of new material.”

 

 Selkek’s company was a welcome distraction from Nyota’s concern for Gaila. For the past hour of their walk through the various paths of the Presidio, Selkek regaled Nyota with amusing stories from his childhood on Vulcan. Many of the stories featured Commander Spock. She could hardly believe that the bright eyed young boy who inadvertently dyed his pet sehlat pink in an experiment gone wrong grew into the serious and foreboding Starfleet officer that she knew.

 

“Poor I-Chaya was pink for three months before the additives from Spock’s nutrient blend dissipated from his system,” Selkek said to a laughing Nyota. “It was another two months before I-Chaya would allow himself to be walked outside and a year complete before he would accept any food from Spock’s hand.”

 

“The poor dear,” Nyota laughed as she leaned against the railing. “I have to say that the Spock you describe couldn’t be more unlike the man I know.”

 

“Well, I have known him since he was born,” Selkek replied as he leaned next to her, his gray eyes scanning the bay before them. “He has been my closest friend for nearly as long. In fact, at times he was my only friend.”

 

Nyota’s laughter died away. She turned from her admiration of the bay to examine Selkek’s profile. When she first met him, his animated nature had been a bit disorienting. To see someone who looked so much like Commander Spock smile and laugh took some getting used to. Even though Sybok was Spock’s brother and also V’tosh’ka’tur, Nyota had not had a similar reaction to him. Indeed, she had been surprised when Sybok claimed such a close relation to Spock as their temperaments and looks were so opposed.  Selkek seemed to embody the few qualities that she admired in the commander with a small portion of the charm that drew her to Sybok.

 

“Was it difficult for you? Growing up on Vulcan as v’tosh’ka’tur?”

 

Selkek glanced at her briefly before sighing. “I suppose that it is always difficult living in a society where you are different and where that which makes you different is viewed as a flaw.

 

“It is true that some v’tosh’ka’tur were banished once Vulcan chose to adopt the teachings of Surak. You must understand that the established peace was fragile and new at that time. It was logical to separate those who rejected the way of peace from the rest of society who had grown weary of bloodshed and discord. Vulcan would not be what it is today if my forefathers had done otherwise.

 

“However, now that the teachings of Surak have become the bedrock of Vulcan culture and society, those who may think differently do not pose the same threat. It is logical that only those who are prone to violence and discord are asked to leave.

 

“You see, I am not without logic. I have not rejected the ways of Surak. I simply choose to let logic guide my emotions rather than suppress and control them. So, I have been able to find a place in Vulcan society. My very presence as part of the delegation is proof of that.

 

“But, you are right. I was not always as accepted as I am now. Indeed, some of my kin still consider me a source of shame for my family. I am sure you have observed some of the scorn my sister T’Pring holds for me.”

 

Nyota nodded before placing her hand on top of his in commiseration.

 

“Do not be sad on my account, Nyota,” Selkek continued, favoring her with a small smile. “I choose to dwell on those who have accepted me and judge me by my deeds. Spock has been one of that number. Indeed, he himself is familiar with the plight of the outcast. While we are kinsmen by blood, this shared experience is what unites us in true friendship.”

 

Nyota squeezed his hand before allowing it to drop to her side. She wanted to ask Selkek why Spock would extend such kindness to him while spurning his own brother.

 

“Spock takes prodigious care of his friends,” she remarked after a time, resuming their stroll down the walkway.

 

“Yes, he does,” Selkek replied, his good cheer restored. “He recently saved a good friend from entering into an imprudent match.”

 

Nyota’s eyes flew to his. “How so?”

 

“Apparently his friend…Shuran, I believe…was on the verge of entering into a committed relationship that would have been disastrous personally and professionally.”

 

Nyota barely concealed her shock. That Spock had been the cause of Shuran’s sudden change of heart and her best friend’s misery was unexpected.

 

“And who was he to judge anoter couple’s intimate affairs?” Nyota asked.

 

Selkek paused in his progress, a frown wrinkling his brow. “I am sure that my cousin acted in a way that he deemed was in the best interests of his friend.”

 

“Yes, and Commander Spock is always unerring in his judgment,” Nyota replied, her voice tremulous. Nyota stopped walking and pressed her hand to her forehead and cheek.

 

“Nyota,” Selkek asked, his voice filled with concern. “Have I upset you in some way? Are you well?”

 

Uhura took a deep breath, trying to subdue the urge to cry.

 

“I just think I’ve had too much sun,” she managed after a time.

 

“Of course,” Selkek replied. “Let’s make our way back. I’ll call a flitter to take you home.  Do you think you are capable of walking back to the entrance of the park?”

 

“Yes,” Nyota replied flatly. “I won’t make you carry me back.”

 

“It would be no trouble,” Selkek smiled. “You look quite light.”

 

Nyota could not summon the energy to laugh at Selkek’s reply. She suddenly wanted to be as far away from all Vulcans as she possibly could, her amiable companion included.

 

They walked to the park entrance in silence. Selkek ordered a hired flitter to convey her to campus and insisted on accompanying her for the ride.

 

“Please convey my regrets to the Lady T’Pau,” Nyota requested as Selkek helped her step out of the hired flitter outside of her dormitory.

 

“Of course,” he replied with a squeeze of her hand. “I hope that you feel better soon. Is there someone I should call for you?”

 

Nyota managed a slight smile. Selkek was such a kind man. If only his cousin were as considerate. “No, Selkek. I am sure that all I need is some rest and aspirin. Thank you.”

 

********

 

Spock looked at the timepiece on the wall for the third time in one point five minutes. Nyota would be late. He found that he was particularly anxious to see the cadet this evening. Perhaps his heightened level of anticipation could be attributed to the fact that she had spent the entire afternoon in the company of his gregarious cousin. While Selkek’s engaging and warm nature had been a cause for scorn on Vulcan, Spock now felt something akin to envy. Selkek had such an effortless and easy way with Nyota. Spock had never seen the cadet smile and laugh as much in his company as she did with Selkek. He noted every touch of her hand to Selkek’s arm or person and every wink and grin that passed between them with increasing concern. Spock was sure that their display during dinner that evening would be even more disconcerting.

 

Spock looked up as the parlor door slid open admitting Selkek. Selkek walked quickly to hiss side and indicated for Spock to follow him. They walked to a far corner of the room, out of earshot of both T’Pau and T’Pring.

 

“Cousin,” Selkek whispered. “I wished to inform you that Miss. Uhura will not be joining us for dinner this evening. She took ill during our outing this afternoon and indicated her need for rest.”

 

“Is she very ill?” Spock asked, his voice deepening in concern.

 

“No, cousin. She indicated that she had a headache and nothing more serious. I,” Selkek paused and glanced around the room. “I thought that you would like to know should you wish to pass on similar regrets to T’Pau.”

 

Selkek stared at Spock for several moments willing him to understand his meaning. “I can handle T’Pau and T’Pring on my own, cousin. I am an experienced le-matya tamer, afterall.”

 

Spock opened his mouth to refute his cousin’s illogical statement before he caught Selkek’s slight grin. Spock nodded his understanding and made his way over to T’Pau where he bowed low.

 

“Aunt, an urgent matter has come to my attention that requires my presence. I regret missing the evening meal and shall endeavor to attend you this evening.”

 

Spock turned on his heel and quickly exited the room, leaving Selkek to deal with two pairs of dark accusing eyes.

 

“Shall we go in to the meal, my Lady? I for one am absolutely famished.”

 

*******

 

Nyota was woken from her slumber by the insistent chime of her door. She rose from her place on the sitting room sofa and padded to the bathroom where she quickly checked her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes, which had been swollen from crying, appeared normal once again. She splashed some water on her face before bidding her guest to enter.

 

“Commander!” Nyota stood starring at the tall Vulcan whose frame filled her doorway.

 

“Cadet,” Spock greeted stiffly before entering the room. “I heard that you were unwell.”

 

“Yes, but I am feeling better.”

 

Spock nodded stiffly before pacing the room. Nyota watched with increasing ire as Spock examined her room.

 

“Would you care for a seat?” Nyota offered. Even if the commander had forgotten his manners, she would not be so discourteous.

 

“Thank you, no.”

 

Nyota sighed before taking a seat on the sofa.

 

After a minute more of pacing and careful examination of her room, Spock came to a stop before her, his hands behind his back in their customary position. He looked down at her, his face devoid of expression save for a strange glint in his eyes.

 

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My emotions can longer be suppressed. You must allow me to convey to you the depth of my admiration and esteem.”

 

 Nyota sat flabbergasted, her mouth slack with her astonishment. She blinked, frowned and shook her head in amazement.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Not long after making your acquaintance, I began to experience the first stirrings of shon-ha-lock: the Engulfment. At first, this new feeling was merely a troublesome but fascinating curiosity. However, as our acquaintance strengthened, so did my desire.

 

“ I reasoned and debated with myself, devoting many hours to meditation an attempt to restore my mental and emotional balance. I thought to conquer these emotions by avoiding your presence, but I found that in this I was also helpless,” Spock explained as he began to slowly pace the room again, speaking as if he were giving a lecture on warp core theory.

 

“Every logical and rational argument as to your unsuitability to be my aduna was soon overcome by the illogical dictates of my heart. No line of logic, recitation of Starfleet regulations or of my duty to my family and my people could free me from this shaukaush.

 

“I am left with no recourse but to secure you as my mate. Although you are human, your intelligence is such that you will quickly learn to adapt to Vulcan customs and meet the high expectations placed upon all women aligned with the S'chn T'gai clan.”

 

Spock stopped his pacing and turned to face her, his dark eyes boring into hers imploringly.

 

 “Taluhk nash-veh ashau,” Spock calmly stated. “I declare kun-ut so'lik.”

 

Nyota rose from her seat and began to pace the room. Apparently she had not misheard. Her commander just declared his undying love for her; a love that he called illogical and unsuitable. Then he had the nerve to propose marriage. Of all the ridiculous notions! Nyota felt her ire rise. She glanced at the commander who stood watching her as silent as a statue, so still that she wondered whether or not he still breathed. She stopped her pacing and took a few deep-cleansing breaths. She would not lose her head. She would respond as the calm, rational creature that she was. Nyota turned to face him.

 

“I suppose in situations like this it is customary to express some sense of obligation for the feelings avowed, even if they are not returned. When such strong feelings are expressed—by a Vulcan no less—it is only natural that some obligation or gratitude should be expressed by the recipient. If I felt gratitude or affection for you, I would thank you. But, I cannot.”

 

Spock’s shoulders dropped slightly.

 

“I have never desired your affection,” Nyota continued, her voice gaining strength. “And you have certainly bestowed yours unwillingly. I am sorry to cause you pain. I realize that expressing such…illogical emotions must have been difficult for you and repugnant to your Vulcan sensibilities. However, I suspect that the pain will be of short duration as you meditate further on my inferiorities.”

 

Spock starred at her for several long moments, his face stoic, but his eyes flashing from disbelief, to sorrow and finally to anger. He walked away from her, coming to a stop before her window. His hands, still held behind his back, tightened and flexed. Nyota watched him, her ire giving way to anxiety.

 

“Is this all the answer that I am to expect?” Spock asked, his voice low and deep. “May I inquire why, with so little difficulty, you chose to reject me?”

 

Nyota snorted, the thin thread by which she held her anger in check fraying.

 

“Might I inquire why you chose to tell me, with so little concern for my feelings, that you loved me against your will and against your reason? If anything warranted my quick rejection or your proposal, it is that!”

 

Spock turned quickly from the window to face her, his head cocked to the side. “Is this the sole reason for your refusual?”

 

“No. How could I ever consider dating, much less marrying, the man who is responsible for my best friend’s misery?”

 

Spock’s spine stiffened at these words.

 

“I have so many reasons to think ill of you,” Nyota continued, her voice tight. “You cannot deny that you are the reason for their separation? That you did everything in your power to separate Shuran from my friend!”

 

“Vulcans do not lie,” Spock replied with a quirk of his brow. “Nor do I wish to deny it. I took more consideration of Shuran’s well being than of my own.”

 

Nyota huffed. “This is not the only charge I have against you! My opinion of you was formed long before that when I learned of your despicable treatment of your own brother Sybok!”

 

Spock turned from her, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he sought to compose himself.

 

“You take an active interest in that gentleman’s affairs,” he replied in a less tranquil tone.

 

“How could I not having heard of his misfortunes?”

 

“His misfortunes,” Spock replied, his back to her. “His misfortunes have been great indeed.”

 

“They are your fault,” Nyota cried, her anger in full bloom. “You betrayed your own brother and colluded to have him banished from his home and his planet to live as a refugee with no name or status. You have deprived him of his proper place and you have the gall to stand there and speak of what you have done with such flippancy!”

 

“This is your opinion of me,” Spock said as he faced her once more. “By your calculation, my crimes are numerous. However, perhaps these faults would have been overlooked if I flattered and charmed you; if I did not give you an honest account of my deliberations on this matter and instead told you that my feelings were rational and logical. However, I abhor deceit and I am not ashamed of the emotions that I have experienced. They were honest and valid. It is illogical of you to expect me to rejoice in a connection that would imperil my career and position.”

 

 

“You are mistaken, Commander. You could not have proposed to me in any manner that would have tempted me to accept you.”

 

Nyota stepped towards him, her voice calm and clear.

 

“Almost from the first moment that I met you, I was struck by you arrogance, pride and selfish disregard for the feelings of others. Your treatment of your brother and Gaila only solidified my poor opinion of you. I had not known you a month before I was convinced that you were the last man in the world, nay, the entire Federation, that I could ever love.”

 

“You have explained yourself adequately, Cadet,” Spock replied, his voice hollow and low. “I now comprehend your feelings. I apologize for the importunacy. Live long and prosper.”

 

Nyota watched as the commander stiffly walked from her room. As soon as the door slid shut behind him, she sat heavily on her sofa, hugging her knees to her chest as she gave way to her tears.

 

 

 

Glossary:

Sehlat= a bear like creature with long fangs native to Vulcan. They are often domesticated as pets

le-matya= wild cat like omnivore with poisonous claws native to Vulcan

V’tosh’ka’tur= Vulcan without logic

Taluhk nash-veh ashau = “I love you.” Phrase I cobbled together from the VLD

Shaukaush= passions

shon-ha-lock= The Engulfment; love at first sight

aduna= wife

kun-ut so'lik= marriage proposal

S'chn T'gai= Spock’s clan name

 












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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.