Reviews For Out of Bounds
Title: Chapter 14

OMG! Man getting a call from Scolari in this chapter was the best cliffhanger! And her call to her father was great! Seeing that she is building a relationship with her father is most important and a character gain for her personality! Great chapter! Keep up the good work.

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 18 2014 07:43 am

Title: Chapter 14

I am glad she realizes that her relationship with her colored her relationships with men. I am still not understanding why she chose David? In my mind David was the safe choice,  the man she really didn't have feelings for.  I was so happy when David walked away from her as she is undeserving of his love and affection.  I truly hope that looses her job as well, Journdan needs to grow up and quit playing games with people's feelings.

I would like for to apologize to both Neymar and David.  I want her admit that her feelings for Neymar are much deeper than her feelings for David.  I want to admit that David was safer choice. Am I asking for too much of Journdan? I realize that she is young dumb, but I do have hope for her. Good stuff!!!

Reviewer: pmgayles Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 18 2014 06:42 am

Title: Chapter 14

I would let Jourdan go from her job--she may be good,but she is not worth all this division on the team.  

She thought her and David would have a good laugh over her having sex with Neymar if she told him later...she really is an immature ninny.  

Maybe their lives will pick up 5 yrs down the road and they will have matured mentally by then.  I could never have told my dad about my sexting and teasing guys.  Dang! I am getting old.

Reviewer: Penelope Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 18 2014 02:27 am

Title: Chapter 14

Yes David should have punched Neymar in the mouth!! He totally deserved it!! Jourdan was overwhelmed with all the male attention and went a little crazy. Poor girl. She made huge mistakes. Unfortunately she may lose her job over this. 

Reviewer: Khamalani Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 17 2014 11:17 pm

Title: Chapter 14

Love this story. I really felt the chapter could be longer.

Update soon

Reviewer: jomoli Signed [Report This]
Date: August 17 2014 10:17 pm

Title: Chapter 4

Wow! Smoking chapter. 

Reviewer: azzure1020 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 17 2014 09:40 pm

Title: Chapter 13

I liked this last chapter. She made up her mind, stuck to it and everything was going good; and then BAM! Neymar's a dick. Seriously. And a horrible friend. He and David are friends right? Or supposed to be? He is a child who has lots of growing to do. Girl says no and this is what you do? Sabatoge her relationship? With your friend? Who you've known longer? That's cold.

And I actually feel for Jourdan. Got the guy, was happy, made a responsible choice to wait until she was sure she was over Neymar before becoming sexually involved with David, and then this happens. David's gonna be pissed. Jourdan's gonna be pissed and upset. I hope Neymar gets what's coming because that was low.

Now I think people have a problem with Jourdan because the readers here seem to be unable to connect with the confusion. I understand it was intended to give her a hubris but it came off as extremely off-putting in her character although looking back it got you more emotionally involved with the story. Some of the comments were a bit much but your characters are your decision and if you're fine with them then kudos to you. Good on you to reply in a very mature, non-insulting way as well. 

Dang, this was a long comment.

Reviewer: Bajerie Signed [Report This]
Date: August 17 2014 05:23 am

Title: Chapter 13

Eccletic Charms and HermioneMalfoy08 you two have summed up all of my feelings in a nutshell. All I can see is the Jourdan that is being displayed now and right now she is not likeable and that is ok, she is not the first nor will she be the last heroine that I dislike, that doesn't mean that I dislike the story.

It doesn't matter if she hasn't finished growing yet, I can only review the Jourdan now, not the Jourdan she may or may not grow into, that doesn't make since.

Yes the story is unrealistic but it's fiction so that is no problem, I'm not here for real life stories in any case.

I am here to see if she can be redemned. If she is even worth redemption. I am here for Neymar and David and their progression as well. 

Looking forward to her next mistake and David's reaction to what Neymar just told him, drama!! Update Soon!!!

Reviewer: Karma1000 Anonymous starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 16 2014 07:34 am

Title: Characters

The problem with Jourdan in a nutshell and I think many of the reviewers may agree is the you have given Jourdan no personality. Who is this girl with unrealistic healing abilities, unjustified hatred for Neymar, superhuman soccer talents, who gave her virginty like it was a dirty tissue? Who is this poor little token black girl with a rich friend? Am I being impatient for you to give her back story? Your explanation of she's 19 means nothing unless we the readers know who she is? What is motivating her silly decisions besides her age? Was she heartbroken by a guy like Neymar and that's why she despises him? Is she coming from an unstable childhood so she craves the stability she thinks she'll get from David? Without knowing this, she just seems like a silly b!tchy groupie. You made Jourdan perfectly stupid. She's everything a guy like but no substance. I must admit I take issue with her being super great at soccer after dealing with a spinal injury that's only because I am an ex-athlete turned physical therapist. It just must makes her too much of everything but a whole lot of nothing.


In the end, I must you have a good story going. Just give Jourdan a little personality and develop her character so when can cheer for her growth.

Author's Response:

I believe that I actually did give Jourdan a personality. She's sarcastic and witty and I did give her a back story. She came from a poor family and was homeless at a young age which makes her insecure when it comes to men like Neymar. She wants to be with David because he is safe and secure. I didn't give Jourdan super human soccer skills, the only reason why she beat Neymar in the beginning is because he underestimated her. Jourdan is just a good defender. I've played soccer my whole life so take my word when I say that it's not hard to shine as a defender.  Thanks for the honest review, the information I just listed though was in the story. Specifically the last two or three chapters.

Reviewer: Eclectic Charms Signed starstar [Report This]
Date: August 16 2014 03:24 am

Title: Chapter 13

I still don't like Jourdan and it would do her good to lose them both because she needs a serious wake up call. She is stringing these 2 guys along and deserves all the bad Karma that she will get. Neymar is so childish and David is just being used.

You don't have to compromise your story but don't bash those who have taken the time out to read your story. If you didn't like what I said or others then just address me or them but the ending note was not neccessary and  I found that to be "annoying". You should be happy that people are feeling any kind of way and not just blah about your story. Any feeling is better than nothing in my oppinion. 

I could wait for the ending to review but you are posting it chapter by chapter and not as complete so I can only talk about the now because that is all that I can read. Bashing characters in your story has nothing to do with you as a writer but I was tired of the age thing because that is not an excuse for her behavior, nothing is because she is an adult. I am looking forward to the next chapter and I will be here to call Jourdan out on all of her crap.


Author's Response:

I wasn't bashing people. All I said was give constructive feedback. Most of what I got wasn't constructive at all. I just wanted to remind the readers that Jourdan hasn't finished growing yet, so keep that in mind when you review.

Reviewer: HermioneMalfoy08 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 16 2014 01:27 am

Title: Chapter 13

I hope Jourdan makes a decision before she loses them both. 

Reviewer: Musicluva Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 11:58 pm

Title: Chapter 13

I knew he agreed too easily! That was a punk ass move on Neymar's part. Smh.  Jourdan should leave both of them alone and concentrate on her new job. I dont trust David either he seems too perfect. 

Reviewer: Khamalani Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 08:32 pm

Title: Chapter 13

Girl forget those haters!!!!! Please keep doing you and updating!!! I can't wait for the next chapters! 10 stars for you girl! Got my heart pounding! lol!

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 06:54 am

Title: Chapter 13

Look, ignore and/ or delete the negative feedback. I like your story... I totally get it Jourda's indecision. You got women in their 40's just as confused as to what they want and what is best for them. I like every chapter. I especially love the fact that you routinely update this story, unlike some (myself included). I have a bit of writers' block and your story and writing style kind of uplifts me... So write on lmpw.

Author's Response:

Thank you. I actually experience a lot of writer's block (I write on another website) myself and so far, I've had none with this story.

Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 04:24 am

Title: Chapter 13

Wow! This chapter blow up like 4th of July. LOL!!!! Oh damn, Neymar did a bitch ass move in this chapter. I am so disgusted by what he did, a true man would have moved on and keep going. I really hope Jourdan get happiness in the end, I hate to see how this goes.. SMH. 


Your doing a great job with this story. I like each of the characters are not all fluffy and cliche, keep going and post soon as possible. I can't wait for more :D

Author's Response:

Thanks for the support. I think you're the first one who actually wants something good to happen to Jourdan, lol!

Reviewer: sweetlooking218 Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 02:48 am

Title: Chapter 13

How old is David Luiz in this story?

Author's Response:

In real life I believe he is 27, but for the sake of my story he is 24.

Reviewer: Love Drama Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 02:14 am

Title: Chapter 13

I knew that Marta was friends with Bruna.  I love this story I am just not thrilled with Journdan. I am looking forward to reading about these characters growth. Thanks for the update. 

Author's Response:

Thank you for continually reviewing. I always look forward to what you have to say. This is just the beginning of Jourdan's turning point though she still does have mistakes left to make.

Reviewer: pmgayles Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 02:09 am

Title: Chapter 13

I truly enjoy the way the story is going and I love the fact that the female lead is not perfect; that in fact she's human and is learning. This journey that she's on is refreshing and one I haven't seen reflected in various online stories especially those with a young Black female character.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the positivity.

Reviewer: Lady Siren Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 01:14 am

Title: Chapter 2

Hmm. So she won't be getting with Neymar cause he's an ass. I can't believe he elbowed her in the stomach. I loved that she owned him during the practice. 

Reviewer: azzure1020 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 12:33 am

Title: Chapter 13

Dude!! This update is like... Whoa! Shit could not be more fucked up for her. Lmao but hell she had that coming. BTW I loovve the gifs haha. Can't wait for the next update

Author's Response:

Haha, this review made me laugh. It's always fun to find new gifs to post.

Reviewer: Soulholder Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 12:28 am

Title: Chapter 1

This story is so fresh. I like it. I wonder who will hook up with who?

Reviewer: azzure1020 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 12:14 am

Title: Chapter 13

Hmmm. I do like the concept of this story and I do intend to follow it to the end, simply to find out what the end is. This is my first review of the story and honestly I'm a bit baffled. Granted Jourdan is 19 but I don't think her age has anything to do with her inability to make reasoned decisions when it comes to guys. She likes to play games from the sounds of things and does not come across as a very likeable, reliable or trustworthy character. I'm not quite sure if she's supposed to be a football groupie (which is what seems to be the case since she follows at least 3 players around on demand) or stupid. I'm going to go with stupid groupie ha! She seems determined to bag a football player in any case so hmmm. Maybe it's not the author's intention that we like Jourdan anyway, maybe we are supposed to hate her until smth terrible happens, she learns her lesson and becomes a rational human being. Not sure, but I'll continue to watch this space. 

Author's Response:

Jourdan doesn't intentionally play games with the men in her life. She's clumsily stumbling her way through her feelings. She's attracted to Neymar but wants to pursue a relationship with David Luiz, I hardly think that's grounds to call her a groupie. It wasn't my intention to make Jourdan a hated character, I'm actually surprised that so many seem to dislike her so much. But anyways, thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Titania Anonymous starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: August 15 2014 12:02 am

Title: Chapter 12

Uh-oh! Girlie is on blast and live on the air for the world to see and judge. SMH, damn I would hate, hmmm... Wait I would LOVE to be her, two hot, professional and grown ass men. OH! LOL!!! 

I say take the risk and be real, Team Neymar for SHO!!! LOL!! I am about taking a chance and explore the unknown, never settle or you will alway wonder what if. But for her job and friendship/relationship safety, I would say for the record I have make many close relationship to these guys. It's correct and safe. BAMM! Lol :)


Great Job, I'm lovin this story. Please post again soon :D

Reviewer: sweetlooking218 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 14 2014 04:14 am

Title: Characters

Jourdan should for once choose no one and start from scratch.  David is coming on too fast and Neymar was with Bruna (possibly sexing her, too) just to get back at J.  Chris just wants to hit it like N. did---I don't care if he did say he wanted to be in the friend zone.  I expected her friend to be the wild child---not this 19 yr old virgin.  J should just pull back, regroup, and do her job; wonder who the grown up would be then, Neymar or David?

Reviewer: Penelope Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: August 14 2014 02:14 am

Title: Characters

Haha contrary to alot of the reviewers, I really like this story. Keep going and dont feel too disheartened by the criticism.

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 13 2014 05:00 pm

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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.