i liked that ending, very cool and domineering.

I understand you want to keep us in the dark for twists and turns. I don't have a problem with that. I like a good mystery.

Your writing is good, but the or your tone/mood is not smooth, I mean your phrases, comments, and reactions sometimes sound forced. And for readers, you could put thoughts in italics or in apostrophes or single quotes like some writers.

Hey, I like this. It seems different and intriguing. So far all good with the characters and setting of the story.

Storm makes me sick. If it were any other man I would say yes he has a very good point. Some man spedning the night with his girlfriend that he does not know. But, as Storm said he slept with several women when Sally was pissed at him. Now he looses his shit because Mitch spends the night? Sally is right he probably cannot spend the night with a woman without having sex with her and automatically assumes Sally could not do the same.  

Good story...you will be missed but I will read when you return...

Sally is still scared to trust Storm. Storm is not like any man you have ever known, Sally you can trust him with your heart.

I turely like your story. I have not read the original. However, this version is a little too overlong with too many unnecessary chapters, many of which could be condensed and still give the background information you are aming for.

We are up to 24 chapters with about five plots with no incling where any of them are going. The odssessive cop has been completely forgotten and its too much about bitchy, conniving women. Let's get back to the suspense and at least solve one plot bunny.

As I said at the beginning I love this story. I just want it to get better and to move a little better. You have everything set up but need closer on some points. It just seems the story is dragging.

Please take what I said with love. I reread what I just wrote and it does sound overly critical but its not meant to be. I am the not a writer and am not very good at being discrete with words. Be assured I love you and your story.

I really like Storm, he has a good character money hasn't made him into something else.

Sally is a piece of work.

Sally works my last nerve, Storm has never treated her like a possession although he  is possessive.  i don't recall him even raising his voice at her in anger. Sally does frustrate him,  she is always finding excuses to push him away.  Sally, for somone so smart you are dumb as hell!!  To beleive Jessica who was jealous over what you know to he true of Storm is stupid!!  Sally doesn't deserve Storm's love she is an emotionally scarred child in a grown woman's body.  Team Storm!!  Can't stand Sally!!

Right, I wanna say thank you for writing and keeping this site flowing with new stories, I also hope that you take this constructive criticism well, as I'm simply offering my honest opinion, so I'll list some points and hope it encourages your writing, and hopefully doesn't deter you from updating in the future.

Here we go...

1. Your characters are not particularly likeable, or visually complete, there is not much in the way of physical description, or background story. Sally's personality is wishy washy, insecure and frustrating, she comes across slightly unhinged, which would be good if we knew why, but she's not easy to be sympathetic to. Storm tries to hard, and it doesn't make sense, one minute hes overly dominant, the next he's begging her and apologising.

2. If this is a story about Storm anSally, you may want to work in more storm and sally, there were a lot of plot jumps, and time jumps and arcs that never went to anywhere, the "stalker cop" I'm not entirely sure what happened there. Also there's not much sexual chemistry between them, their first time together almost felt "rapey" it all happened very fast.

3. A suggestion to help with the transition, may be to work in flashbacks, you can give insight into the past while not loosing the flow of the current plot, also the "Rhonda " character is confusing, what is the point of her? 

Anyway, I'm all done, hopefully this helps, I hope you keep writing and I hope this helps, I would love to enjoy this and see how it ends.

Good luck! Happy Writing! 

Xoxo

Hater....