So you're saying she is whingy, clingy and overly-emotional because he left her, then she caged her personality to keep her new friends?
interesting...Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 07 2015 08:29 am
My dear, I'd rather you go hard on finding an editor: the spelling errors detract from your story. I spent a few paragraphs wondering what a 'tarty' was, before I realized you meant 'tardy'. That's the kind of error a spell-check will not catch. But a real human editor will.
Secondly, the three main female characters look enoug alike to be sisters. Was that intentional? It has me wondering if Owen is using Natalie as an Astrid substitute.
And although Astrid seems to be a natural sub, it doesn't mean she will be bullied all the time.Reviewer: Bookbutterfly Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 07 2015 08:18 am
Editing the significant amount of spelling, grammatical and punctuation errors would really enhance the story. Supposedly Astrid had not seen Xavier in 5 years and it ended badly then, but she's immediately enamoered with him. WTF? The girl has zero sense of self value, I guess. It's hard to invest in her character. She's too needy. Dude can betray her and she's ready to jump his bones. Yeah, too many stories like this with this type of character are out there. What will really set this story apart? It's definitely not there yet.Reviewer: jahchannah Signed [Report This]
Date: July 07 2015 02:37 am