Martha’s Tears

Charlene sat in her darkened quarters, her hands cradling a simple necklace with a round pendant made out of a metal that resembled silver. It was all she had left of him. She had only known him for the span of two days, yet she mourned him as if she had known him for years. Charlene imagined that she was the only one the mourned Lazarus. Perhaps she was foolish for feeling this way. His entrance into their universe had put their entire universe at risk of extinction…of non-existence. He had attacked her and her assistant. He later sabotaged some circuitry setting her engineering lab on fire in order to steal dilithium crystals. Well, it was either him or his insane twin. Charlene couldn’t be sure. None of them could. Still, he had put the entire crew at risk and he had betrayed her trust. For that she should hate him, but she could not. All she could feel for him was pity.

He did not deserve to be imprisoned for all eternity with a madman. No one deserved that. Charlene felt that it was a fate worst than death.

Charlene leaned back on the chaise and sighed. She wondered if she could have done anything differently, if she could have spared Lazarus his fate. She closed her eyes and remembered when she first met him. She had just walked into the mess hall for a bite to eat on her break when she noticed a handsome man with bright blue eyes sitting alone at an empty table. Charlene stopped and stared at him quizzically. She had never seen him before and from his strange and torn attire, she surmised that he was not a member of the crew. The man looked up and his gaze caught hers. Charlene smiled at him before moving towards the replicator to order some food. As she gathered her tray and went to sit at a table with a few friends, she felt his cool blue eyes follow her.

“Sulu, who is that man?” Charlene asked her friend after enduring a few minutes of the stranger’s steady gaze.

Sulu put down his glass and looked in the direction of her nod. “Oh, that is Lazarus,” he replied. “The captain and Spock found him stranded down on the surface of the planet. You seem to have caught his interest, Charlene.”

“I suppose I should learn not to smile at strange men,” Charlene laughed. “It gives them ideas.”

Sulu grinned. “Well, he seems harmless enough. Just a little shaken up from whatever went on down there.”

“Well, I wish he’d stop starring at me,” Charlene replied as she rubbed the back of her neck and focused her attention on her bowl of soup.

“Don’t look now, but he’s coming this way,” Sulu replied with a grin before taking a large sip of his tea.

The sound of her door chime ringing broke Charlene from her thoughts. She put the necklace around her neck before rising from her seat and pulling her robe tight around her body. She bid her visitor to enter, not giving a second thought to who it might be. Her evening had been filled with visits from her friends and co-workers who had heard about the attack and fire in the lab.

“Mr. Scott,” Charlene exclaimed as the man stepped into the room.

“Lieutenant…Charlene,” Scotty replied as he stepped towards her. “I thought I’d drop by ta see if you were alright. I’m sorry for coming so late. I didnae have a chance to come by until the end of my shift and their was a lot ta see to in Engineering.”

“Thank you, Mr. Scott,” Charlene replied. “I’m okay. Captain Kirk ordered me to take my next shift off to recover. He and Doctor McCoy didn’t seem to believe me when I told them it was unnecessary.”

“Oy. I agree with the doctor,” Scotty replied. “Some bloke with a dodgy beard attacked you and damn near set you on fire. I think that is deserving of a little time off. Besides, if you are doing so well, why are you sitting here in the dark, lass?”

Charlene sighed. “I was just thinking about today and about Lazarus.”

“Are you afraid, lass?” Scotty asked as he sat down on the chaise next to her. “That fella is long gone. He can never hurt ye again. Would it help if I stayed and talked with ya for a bit?”

Charlene turned towards Scotty and smiled. “I am sure you have better things to do than babysit me, Mr. Scott.”

Scotty returned her smile with a gentle one of his own before gently taking her hand in his. “Call me Monty. We’re just friends here. And it’s no trouble. I cannae think of a better place to be right now.”

Charlene looked down at their intertwined hands. Her hand seemed so fragile cradled in his, a small brown bird cupped in his large palm. He began to gently stroke the back of her hand with his thumb, the roughened pad of his finger scratching pleasantly against her soft skin. It felt right, somehow, sitting like this with him, Charlene thought. She had always admired her commanding officer. He was always so competent and brave, even in the most bizarre and life threatening of situations. He was a kind and fair boss, expecting only excellence from his co-workers and subordinates. Scotty was such a selfless and warm sort of person, always looking out for the welfare of his fellow officers and staunchly defending his friends. Whenever they worked Beta shift together, they would always take a break to chat over a cup of coffee spiked with scotch. Charlene began to look forward to those times. Mr. Scott always managed to have her crying with laughter by the time their break was over. Charlene realized midway through the first year of their five year mission that her feelings for Mr. Scott were no longer just those of professional admiration and respect, she had also come to care for him as a friend.

She recalled when she first noticed Mr. Scott’s attentions toward Carolyn Palamas a few months ago. While Mr. Scott was friendly with everyone, Charlene noticed that he was very friendly to Carolyn. She often spotted them sharing a drink after shift in the officer’s lounge. Charlene had never cared much for Carolyn. The blonde smiled and flirted too much for her taste and did not seem to take her job as seriously as the other women who worked in engineering. Her mild dislike suddenly turned to outright hatred when she spied Carolyn walking into the Christmas party on Scotty’s arm looking like the cat that got the cream. Her entire evening had been spoiled after that. She managed to dance once with Kevin Riley as promised, but the sight of Scotty kissing Carolyn under the mistletoe took all the holiday spirit out of her. She said goodbye to her friends and went to her room for a good cry and chocolate therapy. Halfway through a fudge mint brownie, Charlene admitted the horrible truth. She was in love with her commanding officer and friend.

“If it is any consolation, that fella is long gone,” Scotty continued, breaking Charlene from her thoughts. “He cannae hurt you again.”

“I know that, Monty,” Charlene replied, her breath catching at Scotty’s gentle squeeze on her hand at the use of his nickname. “I am not afraid of him. I just wish there was some way we could have helped him.”

“Helped him?” Scotty replied. “I would like to have helped him to a knuckle sandwich. I can never forgive the man for messing with my ship.”

“I see,” Charlene replied with an arched brow. “So messing with the Enterprise is a mortal sin but knocking out a few of your co-workers is forgivable?”

“Oh, Charlene…I…its not like…I do care…,” Scotty spluttered.

Charlene laughed gently. “I know. The Enterprise is your baby. I was just kidding. I needed that laugh.”

“Well, I am glad that I could be of service,” Scotty blushed before recovering himself. “But tell me, Charlene, why do you feel guilty about what happened? Lazarus was a few eggs short of a dozen, if you catch my meaning. Besides, that miserable cur attacked you.”

“I don’t think he was a monster. I just think he was desperate.”

Charlene recalled the night she spent with Lazarus, their only night together. It was before he attacked her in Engineering. Before the theft of the crystals. He had approached her in the mess hall and requested an introduction. Sulu happily complied before relinquishing his seat with a sly grin. They sat and talked until Beta shift began to trickle in for their first meal of the day. Charlene knew that she should part ways with the handsome stranger in order to rest for her coming shift, but she found their conversation too intriguing. So, they decided to go to Observation Deck 9 where they could sit and talk with a good view of the green planet below.

Charlene told him of her life before Starfleet, of her family, her work and her hopes for the future. Lazarus told her of his homeworld that had been destroyed; of the wife and children that had been taken from him, of his lonely trek across the universe. When her eyes began to mist over at the description of his tow headed son’s last birthday, he stopped his narrative and gently caressed her cheek with one hand.

“Please don’t cry, Charlene,” he whispered. “There has been enough sadness and strife in my life. I tire of speaking of such things when there is such beauty before me.”

Her cheeks flushed hot.

“Does it surprise you when I say that you are beautiful?” Lazarus asked, his pale blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “Has no one ever told you how lovely your are?”

Charlene chuckled nervously. “I am just not used to hearing it, that’s all.”

“I am surprised that you are not told this everyday. Are the men on this ship blind?  I take it that you are not mated then?”

“Heavens, no,” Charlene replied. “I am afraid that I am far too busy for that.”

“There are no mated pairs on this ship?”

“There are a few married couples and plenty people date. I’ve just been unlucky in love.”

“Then the men on this ship are stupid as well as blind,” Lazarus replied as he gently took her hand and brought it to his lips. “If I were on this ship, I would court you as you deserve. Neither of us would ever be lonely again.”

Charlene felt herself pulled towards him, her lips meeting his in a gentle caress. Their gentle peck soon deepened, Charlene following his lead. When they parted, Lazarus rested his forehead against hers, his breath cool and sweet against her mouth.

“I’ve traveled across the vast depths of space, alone, hoping to one day meet someone like you, Charlene; someone to share my burdens and my joys. If my fate permitted it, I would ask you to come with me as my mate. Together we’d search for a planet on which to make our home and build our family.”

“Lazarus,” Charlene began to protest, the rashness of the situation becoming apparent.

“If my fate were different,” Lazarus continued, cutting off her protest with a kiss.

Scotty pressed her hand, drawing Charlene back to the present.

“You are more kind hearted than I, Charlene,” Scotty said. 

“Well, I think the man that attacked me and stole those crystals was not the same man that I came to know,” she replied. “I am sure of that now.”

“How can you be sure? Lazarus and Anti-Lazarus looked exactly the same. Even the captain couldn’t tell them apart.”

“I…I got to know Lazarus, the sane Lazarus,” Charlene replied as she absently fingered the pendant hanging around her neck. “We talked the night before the attack. He was kind, but most of all, he was lonely. When he was brought before the captain, he claimed to not have committed the act, blaming it on his counterpart. I believe him now.”

“Is that a new necklace?” Scotty asked as he noted her nervous movements.

“Oh. Lazarus gave it to me,” Charlene replied, before shaking her head with a nervous laugh. “I know this will sound silly, but he told me that it was something to remember him by. He said that one night spent chatting with me made the coming centuries of loneliness more bearable. I did not understand what he meant then, but I do now. I am glad that I was able to give him that small kindness before the end. ”

Scotty smiled gently at her, his dark eyes warm. “Aye. Then he couldnae been mad.”

Charlene returned his look, her eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

“He had the good sense to recognize how wonderful ye are.”

Charlene’s breath caught in her throat as Scotty placed his other hand on top of hers, surrounding her hand with his warmth. They sat staring at each other for several long moments until Scotty cleared his throat and stood up from the chaise.

“Well, perhaps I should go,” Scotty began.

Charlene stood up and pulled her robe tight about her. “Of course. Thanks for checking on me, Monty. You helped me to feel a bit better about things.”

“Happy to hear it, lass.” Scotty began to walk towards the door before stopping and turning back to face her, his cheeks taking on a rosy hue.

“If you are not busy tomorrow night, would you be up for grabbing a bite to eat after Alpha shift?”

“Sure,” Charlene replied, working hard to suppress the wide smile that sought to overtake her features. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” Scotty replied on a long exhale. He turned to go once more before stopping once again. “I hope you know, Charlene, that if ya ever need anything at all, you can come to me.”

Charlene regarded him silently for a few moments before coming to a decision. She stepped towards him and rested one hand against his chest as she lifted herself on the tips of her toes and kissed him gently on the cheek.

“Thank you, Monty.”

Scotty’s rosy cheeks flushed scarlet before he smiled brightly. “You’re welcome, Charlene. Sleep well, lass.”

Charlene watched the door slide shut with a gentle hiss before walking to her bathroom to prepare for bed. She looked in the mirror, examining her face and noting the dark circles underneath her eyes with a frown.  The pendant on her necklace caught the light, and glinted bright against her nut-brown skin. She brushed her fingers against the cool metal and thought of Lazarus. There was no way to bring him back; no one to roll back the stone from his tomb; no one to release him from the torment of himself. Charlene blinked at her reflection before ordering the lights off and going to bed.