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All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

*

1997

Aiyana sat there excitedly as the talent scouts looked at her sample photo shoot prints. They were smiling and nodding their head in approval and she hoped that they were just as excited as she was. “You take great photos”one of them said,”With a little more work you can really go places”

“Really? Seriously!?”

“I even have a gig that she would be perfect for”the other said. That day, Aiyana was signed to the Elite Modeling Agency and the months that followed she was busy going to go sees all over New York. Every designer that she modeled for loved her and her talent scouts at Elite loved how she caught on quickly to walking the runway and acting in a professional manner. No one knew that she gave lap dances at Seduction Nightclub.

Cherry was still rehearsing with her band, the Psychotic Scrumpies, and she had her first performance. They did No Doubt cover music as well as their own original works. Their audience loved their No Doubt covers but they didn’t like their original music as much. Aiyana was there for every performance and supported her best friend.

Things eventually got better for them both. Aiyana was featured in Seventeen magazine and her career took off after that. The Psychotic Scrumpies were invited to go on a small east coast club tour with a few other underground bands. Cherry and Aiyana were separated for a couple months doing their own thing and when they came back they saw what distance could do.

“Whoa you look totally different”they both said at the same time. Cherry dyed parts of her hair red, wore a lot of makeup and got a couple of facial piercings. Aiyana looked like she stepped out of a fashion magazine, everything was professionally done. Hair, makeup, nails, toes and even her clothes were new and very expensive looking. “You look good”Cherry said to her,”Lets go out to eat before we have to go the nightclub”

“Oh um about that…..I quit”Aiyana said

Cherry stared at her blankly,”Why?”

“I'm making good money with modeling and….I don’t want to do it anymore. Its beneath me now”

“Oh so your better than me?”Cherry asked her

“No…you are better than that too. You should quit. Focus on your band more”

“I would but…we aren’t making money like that yet. I'm splitting my money 5 ways with the other guys. You get everything. That’s the difference”Cherry whined. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were in a different city every night! I couldn’t keep up with you”

“Its not going to be the same without you. I don’t wanna work there alone”

“Then quit. I can help you find something…maybe an easy office job or a waitress?”

“Office girls don’t look like me and I certainly don’t look like a waitress. I can sing and shake my ass that’s what I look like”Cherry said. They stood there in an awkward silence. “I should go to the nightclub and make sure Gary put me back on the schedule”

“Lets eat first-“

“I'm not hungry. You go ahead”Cherry said and left

*

2009

“….that means stocks, bonds, etc will just be split down the middle equally and Nicholas here is going to let you keep the house. Do you agree Aiyana?”their divorce lawyer asked her. Aiyana stared at the wall opposite her. There was a portrait of a beautiful woman wearing a gown. Why this painting was in a divorce law office was beyond her but it was beautiful. She missed the days in front of the camera. “Aiyana? Aiyana?”

“Yana? You ain't even listening”Nicholas said to her and she snapped back to reality

“Yes I am”she shot back

“I asked if you agree to the terms….including the fact that Nicholas here is letting you keep the house”their divorce lawyer repeated.

“Oh how generous”Aiyana said sarcastically. “You might as well, you moved all your shit out with that slut only 8 hours after YOU told ME that YOU wanted a divorce”

“Do you fucking accept it or not?”Nicholas said

“Oh! Well when you put it that way”Aiyana said pretending she was flattered. “He’s such a gentleman”she said sarcastically to their lawyer.

“A simple yes or no would be nice, Aiyana”he asked her calmly.

“Yes, that’s fine but only because you asked nicely”she said to him and turned to Nicholas. “See what happens when you ask nicely?”

“Look, what I did was wrong. I know. I’m just trying to make up for it”Nicholas said

“Humph”Aiyana said. He wasn’t trying to do shit but run away, which made him the hypocrite because he was the one who always told her to stop running from things.

“You can't win”Nicholas said to himself as he scoffed, getting frustrated.

“I just need you two to sign where highlighted in yellow and initial where its highlighted in blue”their lawyer said as he gave them their own copies of the paperwork. Aiyana signed and initialed quickly

“Anything else?”she asked as she stood up and gathered her things

“No, that’s everything-“but she was out the door before he could say anything else. Nicholas left shortly after shaking the lawyer’s hand. He walked into the lobby and saw Aiyana getting out of the other elevator.

“Yana-“

“Don’t talk to me”she said as she walked quickly toward the front doors.

“Are you really going to give me the silent treatment?”he asked her as he followed her outside

“Look, I don’t need to hear shit from you. You made yourself perfectly clear. I don’t want to see your face or hear your voice unless we are in that office, got me!?”she said sternly

Nicholas glared at her,”Fine, have it your way”he said and then walked off

“I will. For once”she shot back at him as he walked away from her. She then got caught off guard when she noticed Christopher walking with some of his friends toward them. Did he hear? She put on a fake smile just in case.

Christopher told his friends to go ahead without him. He went to a happy hour with them and he was returning home. When he saw Aiyana arguing with some man outside of a divorce law office, he put two and two together. “You ok?”he asked her as he walked up to her

“You heard?”she asked him uncertainly

“I think all of K Street heard you”he chuckled trying to keep the conversation light. She smiled a little and just shook her head.

“Well I don’t wanna keep you from your party-“

“Oh they all headed home. I'm good”he said with a big smile

“Are you drunk?”she asked him with a laugh

“Tipsy is the correct term. Had a few beers”he said with a shrug

“Are you tipsy enough that you wont remember my little outburst?”

“Probably not…..but I wont go off and tell your business if that’s what you are afraid of”

“That is what I am afraid of. I know Carlos can be gossipy, he comes to my office everyday and tells me everyone’s business”she said with a chuckle

“Well….I'm not Carlos”he said

She stared at him for a second, like that statement was a double entendre. “Your right. Your not”

“I don’t know any gossip….but…..”he said nervously as he shoved his hands into his pockets,”….well maybe we can talk about other things….over drinks?”he asked her

“Sounds tempting but I'm not in the drinking mood….and I'm on my way to meet a friend so…”

“Oh ok that’s cool, maybe another time”Christopher said quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Aiyana nodded. “See you tomorrow”she said as she waved to him and walked down the street.

Christopher waved back and kicked himself….mentally. Maybe he was drunk. Who in their right mind would ask a woman out for drinks right outside of her divorce lawyer’s office after she got into a public fight with her ex? Now that he thought about it, it didn’t make any sense and she probably thought of him as a tipsy asshole. “Great”he said to himself. Now he really wanted a drink…..

*

“Well that’s a good thing. He’s letting you keep the house. Kicking you out would have been a dick move”Dee Dee said as she sat in the chair and got herself tattooed.

“I don’t really think that he did it for me. I think he just didn’t want to deal with kicking me out. He took the easy route as always”Aiyana said. “What is that?”she asked as the guy made a small mark line. There were 4 lines next to each other.

“Ive known Rob for 4 years now. Our anniversary is coming up. 4 years ago tomorrow, his drunk ass came in here and got a tattoo and fell in love with me”

“How sweet. Is he getting one?”

“Yeah”she said as she got up out of the chair. She had so many tattoos that it didn’t bother her to get more. It made her more relaxed actually. “Tomorrow”

“Well I'm glad I didn’t mark myself up”Aiyana said with a sigh

“I'm glad too…whats wrong though? The divorce is almost final right?”

“Yeah…it’s the house thing. I mean I don’t really want to be there either. The whole house reminds me of him”she said. “I cant pay for it on my own either”

“Get a loan”

Aiyana sighed. “My credit score is really bad. The house is in Nicholas’s name. No one will give me a loan…not after my relapse last year. I did a lot of stupid things with my money”

“Well…sell it and get a chic loft or something”

“Have you seen these new chic lofts? They are like 3 grand a month. I might as well keep the house”

“Well….keep the house….”

Aiyana groaned and paced for a couple of minutes. Dee Dee decided to stay quiet. She knew Aiyana well. Don’t talk to her while she paces. It means she’s so deep in thought that the world would end if shes interrupted. “Nicholas gets to start over! New place! New girlfriend! What do I fucking get!? I get a house that I cant afford and a divorce that’s sucking more money out of my bank account! I didn’t want any of this! I only want that fucking house unless he is there with me! But I cant. I don’t even want him anywhere near me! He has everything figured out even though he fucked up and now I'm out in the cold because of shock!”she said. Dee Dee just stared at her. It sounded like she was going to continue. “Well? Say something!”

“Oh um…I”

“I need you to tell me what to do”Aiyana said helplessly, her eyes tearing up

“I cant tell you what to do. Your basically saying this was not what you wanted. This is all because of Nicholas. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t want to do this. Any of this”

“What is this?”

“Life! I don’t….I don’t want this life…I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know how to explain it”

“Maybe you need a vacation”

“I cant. I have to deliberate over these fucking applications. Nicholas knows more than anyone that this is my busiest time of year. Asshole. Why couldn't he ask for a divorce later in the year? I cant take a vacation now. My department will fall apart”

“You look like you are going to fall apart”Dee Dee said. “Go to Ocean City for a weekend. You don’t work weekends”she said as her cell rang. Aiyana just shrugged at the idea. She wouldn’t turn down a trip to the beach but she wasn’t herself right now. “Hey babe…..Oh…..alright…..really?....ok well I will see you later then”she said. “Love you…bye”

“The hubby?”Aiyana asked unenthusiastic

“Yeah, working late”Dee Dee said as she locked up. Wednesday nights were usually slow. She went to the register and counted up money and glanced at Aiyana every now and then. She wanted to cheer her up but even Aiyana didn’t know how to make herself happy. The desk phone rang and she wasn’t going to answer it when a familiar number showed up on the ID. “Yo Kicks”

“Hey, Dee, who else is there with you?”

“Just me for now. D-Smooth just left”Dee Dee said. Aiyana shook her head. Kicks? D-Smooth? What kind of names were those?

“Oh shit. I’ll have to hit him up. But uh Mack just found out his wifey is pregnant and they are celebrating at Fast Eddie’s tonight. We are all going out there”

“Oh that’s great! They have been trying for so long”Dee Dee said. “Sure I’ll come through. See you there”she said and looked at Aiyana. “You are going out with me tonight”she said to her

“Oh I don’t-“

“You are. We both don’t really have anyone to go home to so…come on out with me. We haven’t in so long”

“I don’t feel like drinking or getting hit on”Aiyana said simply.

*

Aiyana sighed as they walked into Fast Eddie’s. It was a billiard sports bar/strip club. Why anyone celebrating a pregnancy would do it here was beyond her. “I should call the police. I feel like a hostage”

“Just have one fucking drink, Aiyana. It wont kill you”Dee Dee said as she spotted her tattooed co-workers and went over to them. She hugged and high fived all of them and introduced Aiyana. All the guys had an equally tattoo’ed girl on their arm so she didn’t have to worry about that. She looked plain compared to them.

“Congrats on the baby”Aiyana said to Mack and his wife

“Thanks we have been trying for 5 years”she said as she patted her now flat stomach

“I'm happy for you”Aiyana said genuinely. She then ordered a Long Island Iced Tea and greasy fries as she watched them play pool. She would usually hop in but again, she was in a funky mood. She watched as Dee Dee talked and played with her friends. She hated being socially awkward. She never usually was. All the drugs she did caused her to embarrass herself in public. The people who witnessed will never let it go. Like Nicholas, he never let it go when she embarrassed him, sober or not. She couldn’t just hop into a conversation. What could they talk about? She always offended someone without knowing it and she didn’t want to follow Dee Dee around and just nod her head and smile. She did that with Nicholas and she wasn’t that trophy wife material anymore.

She heard shouts from across the bar and there was a crowd of people standing around one pool table. She smiled when she saw Christopher playing against someone. The 8 ball was left on the table. She smiled and picked up her drink and walked over. “A tie huh?”she asked

“Yea, this young cat over here bet this guy he can beat him. Must be drunk. But he’s really good. No one beats Big Mike”a guy said as he nodded his head to the older guy. Aiyana smiled as she watched. It was Christopher’s turn.

“8 ball, side pocket”Christopher called. He took a minute and surveyed the table and then he hit the cue ball. It bounced off the wall and hit the 8 ball softly into the side pocket. The crowd screamed in surprise. Big Mike was a regular and this new guy beat him and it never happened before. “YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!”Christopher shouted.

“Here’s your money”Big Mike said. “Consider this your lucky day”he said and walked off with his crew

“Thanks guy. That sounds like another bet”Christopher said as he counted the money. Big Mike just rolled his eyes and left. Other patrons congratulated him and walked off as well. She smiled as she watched him count. Dang, how much did he win? Christopher could feel someone staring at him and looked up and saw Aiyana smiling and sipping a drink. She looked so beautiful…but what was she doing here? “Hey”he said with surprise as he walked over to her

“Hey yourself. Heard you beat the regular that no one could beat”

“Did you see it!? My last shot?”he asked her excitedly. She laughed and nodded. “Holy shit. I didn’t even know you saw it but I was fucking nervous. Whole time….and then it just went in”

“Its your lucky day”she said to him with a smile

“I guess it is”he said. “So, um, what are you doing here? Thought you weren’t in the mood to drink?”

“I'm not. My friend Dee Dee dragged me here”

“Oh so I just have to tie you up to do things for me?”he asked and winked

Aiyana laughed,”Are you flirting with me?”

“What? That’s not an innocent question?”

“No! It has an innuendo. A sexual one”

“Or maybe you are just thinking about sex. That’s not my fault that your mind is in the gutter”he said

“Are you drunk?”she asked with a laugh

“Yea. I was tipsy before but I'm feeling good now. I'm $200 richer too”he said with a laugh as the lights dimmed. A stage was lit up and a stripper started dancing to “Rude Boy” by Rihanna. Every time Aiyana saw a stripper it reminded her of the two years that she was one. She loved the song however and nodded her head. “Wait, this is a strip club?”he asked with a laugh as he stared at the girl

“Yep. You didn’t notice the strip poles around here?”she asked him. She knew a strip club when she walked into one. Dark lighting, mirrors, dark curtains…and a stage usually gave that away.

“I thought it was just decoration….or maybe it used to be an old fire station and they kept it”

“Your silly”Aiyana said with a laugh. They talked for awhile and he kept making her laugh. She has never laughed so much in awhile. He then looked dizzy. “You ok?”

“Yea….I think I had too much”Christopher said

“You should get home”she said and looked at her watch. It was almost midnight! She needed to head out too. “Let me get a cab for you”she said and he nodded. She went to the bar and called a cab and in minutes one was there.

“You called a cab ma’am?”the bartender asked her,”Its here. You need help?”

“No. Its for him”she said as she patted Christopher on his back

“Oh ok”the bartender said. “You need help dude?”

“Yea. Just to stand”he said as the two of them helped him up. “Lean on me, when your not strong. I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on!”he sang

“Ok….”Aiyana said with a laugh

“Nothing more sexy than a girl that can hold her own liquor”Christopher said to her

“I only had 1 drink. So that doesn’t count”

“Well your still sexy then”he said to her as they helped him in. “Um…where do I live?”he asked himself. “Oh…Quincy and Georgia Ave”he said. “You need a ride?”he asked her as the bartender shook his head and walked back in

“Nah, I got one already”Aiyana said

“K….good choice cuz I wouldn’t let you out of my house. I would keep you hostage too”she said as a car honked.

She closed the door. “Good night, Chris”she said to him and then the cab drove off. She smiled as she watched the cab drive off. If she was a younger, she would go for a guy like him.

*

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

*





Chapter End Notes:
Lyrics Featured: "All By Myself" by Celine Dion




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