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Unbreak my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt that you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
Unbreak my heart
My heart

1995

Aiyana smiled as she and her friends got out of the pool. They all dried off and got dressed and they all decided to go to their favorite hangout spot, Ben's Chili Bowl. They all rode the metro to U St. and waited in line as they all decided on what they were getting. Aiyana loved coming here. The restaurant was a historic landmark and many celebrities came to eat here. She looked at the pictures of Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, Denzel Washington and other superstars. She hoped her picture would be up there and she hoped someone like her would stare and say,"THE Aiyana Patterson ate here too? Awesome!"

"What can I get you, ma'am"the cashier asked her.

"Chilli cheeseburger and fries and a Coke"Aiyana said.

"I totally hate you"Brenda, her longtime friend, said to her. "You want to be the next Tyra Banks and you are eating chilli cheeseburgers and they don't make you fat"she said as they carried their food to a nearby booth. She looked at her plate which was just a foot long hot dog.

"Good genes, I guess"Aiyana said with a shrug and a smile.

"I hope you mean good jeans"Brenda said as she looked at Aiyana's jean shorts

"You know what I mean"Aiyana said as she threw a fry at her as the others laughed.

"You just jealous, Brenda"one of them said

"I'm not jealous. I just hate her. I have baby fat, she doesn't"Brenda said with a laugh

"Nope, that's just fat, baby"they said and they all burst into laughter and threw food at each other. They soon stopped teasing Brenda and they all chatted about gossip and Michael and Janet Jackson's new video called "Scream". It premiered the night before and they all thought it was the best video ever made. They all sat and talked for about an hour and then a couple of them started to leave.

"Its still early, where's everyone going?"Aiyana said as Brenda looked at her watch."You wanna see a movie, Bren?"

"I cant, I gotta get home too"Brenda said to her

Aiyana begrudgingly said goodbye to Brenda and she was left alone. She didn't want to go home. It was too early. So she went to see a movie by herself and when that was over, she went across the street to the mall. She went to Shoe City and browsed since she knew she couldn't afford anything. She already spent enough on food and movie tickets today. "Hey Aiyana"someone said to her. It was Cherry Stewart, a girl who went to school with her and Brenda. They didn't talk to her much because she had a certain type of....reputation. And if you are seen with someone with that...reputation, that always means you have it too.

"Oh hey, Cherry"Aiyana said and she saw the few articles of clothing she had with her,"Nice skirt"

"Thanks, I love payday"Cherry said as she looked at a pair of jeans and added them to her "list".

Aiyana smiled but then she thought about it. It was a Wednesday, don't people get paid on Fridays? And where did she work? "Where do you work?"

Cherry smiled,"I cant tell you. I'd have to show you"

"Oh come on, if you work at McDonald's, I ain't mad at you. Been there, done that too"

"I would not be able to afford any of this working at McDonald's"Cherry said as she looked her over. "What are you doing tonight? You can see what I do"

Aiyana was about to turn her down, but it was only 7 and she did not want to go home. What was she going to do at 9 when the mall closed? "Nothing...sure I'm down. But I cant wear this"she said as she pointed to her tank and shorts.

"Come to my house. I got you covered"Cherry said. Cherry ended up giving her a tube top, mini skirt and heels and she ended up taking her to a burlesque club where girls wore masks and barely anything else. Aiyana was shocked. How could Cherry do this? But then she saw the money and Cherry talked about how she stayed here until 3am and she talked about moving to New York, which was her dream.

"That's mine too. I wanna model in New York. I hate being at home...."

"I'm moving to New York so I can be the next Gwen Stefani, you know that chick from No Doubt? Or the next Janet. And I know how you feel, I hate my house. I don't call it home"

Aiyana wanted what Cherry had. Aiyana wanted her dreams to come true. She ended up talking to the manager and he wanted to meet with her after school. Aiyana ended up sleeping over Cherry's house but like an idiot, her backpack was at home. She snuck back home and tiptoed quietly past her sleeping "uncle". He "adopted" her last year after she spent her whole life in foster homes. He wasn't what you would call a "guardian". He was always drunk and made her do all the work. He was sleeping on the recliner by the front door and she tried to sneak past him but then a floorboard creaked. He stirred....then came the tornado. He yelled asking her where she had been, the kitchen needed to be cleaned, laundry to do. She yelled back telling him she was sick of being treated this way and she was going to leave and that she hated him. He then slapped her so hard that she fell back into the wall. "Get up. You're an embarrassment"he slurred

2009

Aiyana raced into the house and carried her green Giant reusable shopping bags into the kitchen and set them on the kitchen counter. She looked at her watch and sighed. It was already 6:30 and Nicholas would be home soon. She wanted to cook his favorite meal and have it ready for him when he got home. She kicked off her heels and pulled her long hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head and then washed her hands. She then washed the various chicken breasts and then seasoned them to Nicholas's liking. She then started to boil water into a pot and put pasta, butter and other seasonings in it and stirred. 10 minutes later, the pasta was done and she covered it to keep it warm. She checked on the chicken and then began to prepare the salad. She washed and cut the lettuce. She chopped the cucumbers, ham, turkey and carrots into little neat slices and tossed them in. She grated the cheese and then put in the zesty Italian dressing he liked and stirred it up. She then added bread crumbs on top. She flipped the chicken over and then set the table. 7:00. Maybe Nicholas was working late tonight or maybe he was stuck in traffic somewhere. She had heard thunder rumbling when she came home. A storm was brewing. At 7:15, everything was done and she made his plate and poured him and herself a glass of Pinot Grigio. She sent him a "where you @ sweetie?" text and then sat down. She didn't want to eat if he was on his way so she waited.....and waited....and waited. Her stomach growled and she put his plate in the microwave. 8:00. Where was he!? She ate her food and finished off her second glass. She was getting worried. It sounded like it was hailing outside. Was he in an accident? Was he hurt? She called him but it went straight to voicemail. That was odd. He always had his phone on. He was addicted to his Blackberry. "Babe. Call me when you get this. I have dinner ready...I just wanna know if your ok. Its raining pretty hard out....love you"she said and sat back. She hoped that she was the first person on his emergency contact list. He was for her.

At 8:30, she was nodding off. She had 3 glasses of wine and after a hectic day of work and cooking and worrying, she was tired. He walked in the door a few minutes later and she shot up out of her chair. "Oh thank God. I thought you were in an accident"she said as she approached him at the front door. He didn't say a word as he took off his blazer and set his briefcase next to the door and headed into the kitchen. "I made your favorite but its in the microwave. Its cold"she said. He opened the door and looked at it and then closed it and turned the microwave on. He opened the fridge and took out a Corona. "Oh I have a glass of Pinot...."she said as she ran into the dining room and showed it. "This is all ready....all yours"she said. The microwave beeped and he opened the door and inspected the food. He took the plate out and turned around and got a fork out of the silverware drawer. "Babe, the table is all set....just sit down"she said. He didn't say a word. She didn't know if he was even listening to her. He leaned against the counter and ate standing up. "You don't want to sit?"she asked, her patience very thin. He didn't say anything. He didn't look at her. "Nicholas....this is ridiculous. Its been two weeks since that fucking dinner party and you still haven't said a word to me! Ive been punished enough! Stop punishing me-"

"I didn't get that promotion"he said, still not looking at her. "Its funny that they made the decision a week after that disastrous party where you embarrassed me-"

"I apologized for that! A million times! And why didn't you tell me that you didn't get it!? Nick, I'm so sorry"she said as she tried to hug him but he backed away.

"I didn't feel like telling you. Its your fault, you know. Why else would they have picked Ted over me!?"

"Ted!? The one with the attic filled with porn and sex toys?"

"What!?"

"All the wives were telling embarrassing stories that night. I wasn't the only one...and that was his.."

"You 'wives' are sick! Keep your mouth shut about that goddamn party. I don't want to hear all the dirty talk and I sure as hell don't want to remember it-"

"Well you sure as hell are making sure that I don't forget it! Its my fault! Its my fault that you didn't get the promotion!? How dare you even say that!?"

"Because it is your fault! Why would they promote a man...."he said and then stopped, not wanting to repeat what she said that night. "You feel like I'm punishing you? Fine, then you should be punished. I would never tell your co-workers about your past. Never"he said as he walked into the dining room and she followed him. "I would never do that to you"

"I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it!?"

"Til I believe it-"

"Its not my fault that you don't believe me!"she said. "I have been sleeping in the guest room for the past 2 weeks, I have been making every favorite dish of yours every night, I have been catering to you to try to right my wrongs and its not enough! What else do I have to do!? Get on my knees and beg!?"

"Don't try, it wouldn't help-"

"Fuck you, Nicholas! Now your just being rude. How are we ever going to move forward if you keep throwing in my face that I'm not that perfect, blue collared wife! Which, let me remind you, is one of the reasons why you married me!"she said. He didn't say anything as he sat down and ate. "See? This is why we need counseling. I cant even fucking talk to you!"

He dropped his fork on the plate and the room was silent and tense. "I'm eating. None of that counseling bullshit. We aren't doing it and that's final"

"Nicholas, we have a problem! A huge problem, we need-"

"We don't need it. One more word about it and I'm out of here"he said sternly and he looked her in the eye for the first time all night, letting her know that he was serious. Dead serious.

But Aiyana had to say it. She had to get it through his head. "We are supposed to be a happily married couple! We are supposed to make love, trust and talk to each other and I haven't been getting any of that in the last 2 weeks! Trust and communication are the priority in any relationship but your priority is staying out of my way! You aren't acting like a husband! Why are you even married to me if you are going to treat me like this!? I am your wife! Do you want your wife to think and feel this way!? This is my cry for help!"

Nicholas stood up and walked out of the room. "I am not going to pay a stranger to analyze a relationship that they know nothing about!"he said as he went to the door

"Where are you going!? You haven't finished your food! I haven't finished talking to you and I don't want to sleep in that guest room again!"she cried out to him

"Sleep in the master, I don't care, just don't wait up"he said as he got his blazer and walked out and slammed the door behind him.

*

Christopher smiled as he listened to his voicemail message. Someone finally noticed his application...well kinda. A temp agency that he sent his resume to called him back and asked him to come in the following day for an interview and testing. It was a temp agencies job to call everyone back who applies right? But hey, maybe they could find him something. He replayed the message as he logged onto his Gmail account and typed the email address that they specified and then wrote a short email that he was confirming his interview time. Finally, he could feel like a man again. Finally, he can have some money rolling in. He then ordered some alcohol. He loved how the liquor store around the corner delivered and he ordered some celebratory pizza. He then called Raven. But of course it went straight to voicemail. She was at another modeling gig in New York and of course she didn't know when she'll be back. "Hey babe. Just calling to say that I'm thinking about you and that I love you. Hope the shoot went alright but I know it did. You are the most beautiful woman and any photographer would kill to photograph you. Anyways...I have an interview tomorrow so....I have a good feeling that I will be back on my feet soon. Um...call me back...I haven't heard from you since you checked in....and that was 2 days ago...."he said awkwardly,"Hope you aren't drowning in rice cakes and bottled water"he said with a laugh remembering how she hated that she had to force herself to diet before a shoot. "Love you....call me back"he said again and then hung up. He then texted some of his friends...well they were more Raven's friends then his. He didn't have his own friends here, all of them were through Raven. He asked them if they wanted to come over but they all either had plans or didn't answer. He sighed and turned the tv on as the bell rang. He opened the door and the drinks were here. "Awesome thanks"he said as he tipped the man and put the two 6 packs and the bottle of tequila on the counter. A few minutes later his pizza was here and he was all set. He was halfway through a horror flick when his phone rang. It was Raven. He smiled. "Hey baby, you got my message?"he asked her. She didn't answer. "Hello? Baby? Can you hear me? Rave?" He then heard her laugh. "Stop playing around, why are you laughing?"he asked

"We shouldn't be doing this. I mean...again?"Raven asked and he had a feeling that she wasn't talking to him

"Rave? I think your ass misses me more than you do because it calls me more than you do!"he said a little louder and laughed a little. But who was she talking to?

"You know you want to. When have you ever said no to me?"a guy asked her and Christopher started to get heated

"I say no to you plenty times"Raven said

"Yeah you seem to say no to the important stuff"the guy said

"Yo! Who the fuck is that!? Rave! RAVE!"Christopher shouted as he stood up and started to pace the room angrily. Was she at a bar? A nightclub? Was she still working? Was this slimeball hitting on her!?

"No I say no to the crazy stuff"Raven replied, she still couldn't hear him

"Oh really? So me asking you to dump your depressing, mooching boyfriend is crazy?"

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHO THE FUCK IS THAT!?"Christopher yelled. He wanted to kill someone. This dude wanted her to leave him!? Who was this stupid fuck!?

"......don't call him that"Raven said

"That's how you described him to me! I don't even know his fucking name!"

"Well only I can call him that, don't you call him that!"

"Isn't that crazy to you? That you would rather stay with this dude who has no job, doesn't do shit for you than be with me?"the guy asked

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?"Christopher screamed. He wanted to throw his phone. Raven has been talking shit about him to some dude who wants to take her from him!???

"We have history...and he cant know about us.....not yet"Raven pleaded

"There's an us!? There's a fucking us?"he said to himself as he sat back down on the couch, dumbfounded, he had to listen now. He had to hear the truth.

"One of us has to be the honest adult here and if you wont, I will"the guy said,"I don't want to share and he needs to know that his girl has been on my dick for the past few months...."

Christopher punched the wall behind him.

"Stop, stop touching me like that"Raven pleaded but he could hear in her voice that she didn't really want him to. "Threatening to tell my boyfriend anything about us aint going to get you any ass that's for sure"

"You are fucking backwards, Rave"the guy said. Christopher stomped to the kitchen and downed a shot of tequila. This fucktard called her Rave? His fucking pet name!? "Didn't you say that you wanted a man to care for you, to do things for you for once, to cater to you? I can take care of this dude for you. I can tell him everything and you don't need that stress, especially if you want that gig in Brazil"

"Brazil!? How do you know about that!?"

"I'm one of the main photographers for that shoot and I heard you talking to the other models about how much you wanna go. Brazil is beautiful, exotic and stress free. Just like you need to be and you cant get there or get shit done there when he's calling you every 5 minutes"

"I'M TECHNICALLY CALLING HER NOW ASSHOLE! SAY YOUR FUCKING NAME ONCE SO I CAN LOOK YOU UP AND GO MAFIA ON YOUR BITCH ASS!"Christopher yelled as he took another shot. "YOU ARE A FUCKING COWARD. GO GET YOUR OWN GIRL! RAVEN IS MINE AND SHE IS ALREADY SPOKEN FOR!"

".....and baby I can get you there. All I gotta do is make one phone call and you will be out there for the shoot next week. A swimsuit shoot. In Brazil. This could launch your career. All you gotta do is say it"the asshole continued

Raven sighed,"Fine, but I will tell him myself. You make the call"

"Make love to me. Tell me you love me and I will believe you"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE-"

"I love you"Raven said and Christopher broke the shot glass

"Say my name baby"the asshole said

"YEAH SAY HIS FUCKING NAME SO I CAN LOOK HIM UP AND KILL HIM!"

Raven moaned and then she said,"I love you, Javier"

"JAVIER! THIS FUCK'S NAME IS JAVIER! HOW CLICHE CAN YOU FUCKING GET!"Christopher yelled as he hung up. He didn't have to hear anymore, he had enough, he couldn't take it. He threw his phone across the room and then started to cry. He just realized that his hand was bleeding from the broken shot glass. But he didn't care. He couldn't feel it. All the pain he felt was his heart breaking and his trust in the girl that he loved being shit on.

*

Aiyana didn't know what was worse. Sleeping in the guest room all night knowing your husband was in the next room because he didn't even want to touch you or not being able to sleep in the bed you shared because your husband didn't bother coming home. She woke up every hour on the hour to find that Nicholas wasn't home. She couldn't sleep without knowing where he was. The next morning, she walked like a zombie as she walked into her office. She was so out of it that she didn't notice her assistant run toward her like the building was on fire. "Aiyana, we have a problem"

"What is it now?"Aiyana asked

"All the batches bounced back and we basically have to start all over"

"What do you mean? From yesterday? Well don't freak out about that because yesterday was a slow day as far as payments-"

"No, from the past 3 days!"her assistant said as she put a stack of papers on her desk,"Someone fucked up and I'm glad it wasn't us but its going to look like its our fault"she whispered to her

Aiyana sighed as she dropped into her chair and her eyes widened as far as they could, which wasn't much, when she saw how big a fuck-up this was. "Shit, this is not the morning to be going through all this"

"I know. Did you sleep last night? It looks like you didn't..."

"Ding ding.....no, no sleep for me"Aiyana said as she yawned. "Tell you what....I'll make the situation worse right now without my coffee....so you handle these and I'll take care of the phone calls and emails"

"You sure?"her assistant asked as she nodded her head to her desk where the phone was ringing off the hook. This was their busiest time of year. It was to the point where she even thought of getting an assistant for her assistant.

"No but I know for sure that I will fuck up those numbers even more if you let me have them"Aiyana said. Her assistant nodded. "Let me just get my coffee"she said and sighed when she saw how many emails and voicemails were already piled up. It was a long night and it was going to be an even longer day. "Ugh, is it 5pm yet?"she asked herself as she poured herself some coffee and poured extra sugar in it.

*

Christopher's head was pounding when he opened his eyes the next morning, he was laying face down in bed, fully clothed. His head was killing him and he realized that the construction workers must have started earlier than usual. "Fucking great....what time is it?"he asked as he looked at the clock. 10:35. Didn't he have to do something.....then he sat up quickly....."SHIT!"he said. He had an 11 o'clock interview! He ran to the bathroom and the sudden movement made him vomit. "Oh too much tequila......oh fuck"he said as he tears came to his eyes. This meant last night was real. He didn't get shit faced much, he just turned 21 a couple months ago and he wasn't a heavy drinker like that. A couple of beers at most. Hard liquor always got him. He flushed the toilet and looked at his pasty and dehydrated face in the mirror. "Get your shit together man.... you need this"he said

He found his cell phone under the tv and saw that there were two voicemails from Raven. Oh now she wanted to call him? Of course she did, she was calling to break up with him. He couldn't listen to them right now. He called the temp agency and lied and said that he got lost and he would get there as soon as he could. He showered and dressed his best and hoped the smell of tequila wasn't seeping out of his every pore.

He learned quickly that he shouldn't have gotten shit faced last night, but who wouldn't when you witness the man your girlfriend is fucking behind your back end your relationship for you. He was honest in the interview and tried to act normal. But the placement tests were too hard since he was in a hungover state. He took a typing test and he didn't do as good as usual. He barely got 45 wpm's. He then took a data entry test where he typed sampled data in a sample database. Meh. He then organized sample files in every imaginable order that anyone can think of. He was exhausted when he was done. "We will look over your test scores and get back to you"the interviewer said. Christopher got home and collapsed in bed again. He just wanted to sleep. That was the longest hour of his life. He kicked off his shoes and took everything out of his pocket so he could sleep fully clothed again. He then rolled over on his side and pulled the covers over him and got a faint smell of Heavenly. Heavenly was the perfume that Raven used. The bed smelled of her because of course he used to make love to her here. 3 months? Is that what that asshole said? She had been sleeping with that asshole, Javier, for 3 months? He groaned out loud. He couldn't even think about it now. He then noticed his phone blinking. It was because of those two damn voicemail messages. He had to erase them. He logged into his phone and was about to erase them but the sound of her voice made him stop.

"Hey...babe....I'm guessing my butt dialed you again because my phone claims that we had like a 10 minute conversation that we never had"Raven said.

"No its a conversation we are going to have"he said bitterly. Why was he listening to this?

"....anyways, I'm back at the hotel now. I'm really tired and I'm guessing you are too. Oh you left me a voicemail...lemme check that. I'll talk to you later"

"I bet you are tired"he said as he erased the message

"Oh hey its me again! I listened to your voicemail and congrats on the interview! What a relief-"

"Yea because I'm just some mooching asshole that you have been babysitting while you are fucking some photographer!"he yelled at the phone

"....but I'm sure you'll do just fine. This is just the first step of better things to come-"

"Oh don't try to give me advice! LIAR!!!!!!!"

"Well I cant wait to see you.....um.....I'll call you tomorrow night when I get on the plane. Good luck"

"LIAR!!!!!!!!!"he yelled and then erased the message, he then threw the phone and then laid there and stared at the ceiling as tears rolled down his face. Thankfully everything went black and he finally could get some peace and go to sleep.

*

"He is still giving you shit over that!?"Dee Dee asked

"You gotta admit, it was stupid of all of us to do"Aiyana said as she cried. Work got to be too much and she had to have a real break. She went to Dee Dee's parlor just so she could vent. She was the only one she could vent to.

"Yeah but you wouldn't regret it as much if you didn't get caught"Dee Dee said. "He's being such a hypocrite, he ain't no saint either. He has put you through a lot of shit, too"

"Yeah but he hasn't told my co-workers about my past. He would never do that"she said as she remembered him telling her that last night. And it was true.

"You know why he wouldn't? Because it would embarrass him. God forbid that anyone knows that Nicholas Patterson is married to an ex-coke addict"

"Shhhhhh!"Aiyana said to her. The two were sitting in Dee Dee's office, the door was closed and they were whispering but walls were thin. Just hearing the word 'coke' made her want to vomit.

"But you went to rehab and now you are fine and you are still doing fashion. You were happy with your life until recently. You were young. You were in the spotlight too young and you got mixed in with the wrong crowd but that was 15 years ago. He needs to let that go. He needs to accept you as you are, that's what he agreed to do when he married you"

"I brought up counseling again"

"Good and....?"

"He left....I haven't seen him since last night"

"What!? What the fuck are you doing here!? You should be filing a police report or-"

"He's at work. He texted me this morning"she said as she showed her his text which said '@ work'. No, I'm sorry for worrying you. No, I stayed with my parents, I needed space. No apology. No explanation.

"Do you have any idea where he was?"

"No and he wont tell me....I don't know what to do! I love him so much!"

"He loves you. This is another rough patch that you two are going through"

"I'm not sure. He hasn't said it in so long-"

"Hes still upset and he is punishing you-"

"No, he hasn't said he loved me in months. He just says, 'You too'. That's the closest"

Dee Dee gasped. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"I hope not. I thought I was going to die after the first fiasco. I don't know what to think. Maybe he is. He doesn't love me, we haven't made love in weeks"she said and then she started to cry. Dee Dee held her.

"You don't have to make a decision now. Just do what you think is right. You apologized and tried to right your wrongs. If he doesn't trust you......you deserve better. You deserve someone that trusts you"

*

"Christopher!? I'm home"Raven said cheerfully as she walked in the door. She wheeled her luggage into the bedroom and gasped when she saw Christopher sitting on the bed with several bags at his feet. He didn't look too good either. "What the fuck is going on?"she asked him

*

Aiyana sighed as she sat in the living room and lit another cigarette. "This motherfucker's got me smoking when I don't even smoke"she said to herself. Not getting any sleep and chain smoking probably wasn't going to help her but she had to know what was going on. She was going to stay up until he came home. He had 24 hours or she was going to take matters into her own hands. She sat there and waited and looked at the several photos that she could see from where she was sitting. Their wedding picture. The happiest day of her life, she thought she finally found a man who loved her and would stay around and never hurt her. Her first cover spread for French Vogue was framed next to it. Her career took off after that. She was only 17. Next to that was a photo of Nicholas and President Obama. Now she believes that was the happiest day of Nicholas' life. She never noticed it before but now that she saw the two photos together she realized that he was smiling more with Obama then he did on their wedding day. "Fuck me"she said to herself begrudgingly as she brought the cigarette to her mouth and inhaled. Then the door opened and there he was. He was actually home. He looked at her with a stoic look on his face it then turned to surprise when he saw that she was smoking. "What the fuck is going on?"she demanded.

*

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

*









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