The feeling of someone stroking my hair roused me from my sleep.
“Finally awake huh, sleepy head.”
“Mmmmmm.” I opened my eyes slowly. “Yes I’m awake now.”
“About time, come on lets go for a walk.” Alicia helped her daughter up, and patted down her summer dress.
“Where are we going?”
“I thought you wanted to go to the park today?”
I thought about this for a second, “that would be nice.”
“Come on then, we can talk as we walk.” She grabbed hold of my hand.
I looked over at my mother, “What should we talk about?”
“Anything, I don't know about you but, I'd just like to listen to your voice. You've grown-up so much my beautiful baby girl.” Alicia smiled radiantly at her. “You look so much like you're father, but I can still see myself in you too. That's nice to know.”
I didn't really know what to say to that, so we continued to walk in a comfortable silence.
“What happened?” I whispered. I didn't really know if I was asking her in particular or myself. “What is this right now?”
“Well this is what it is. This is us walking together as mother and daughter. As to the first question why don't you tell me?”
“It was my last day on set.” My mother nodded her head listening to me intently. “And the guys and me had finished filming the acting scene outside the café. It's the last scene when the main guy realises that he's made a mistake and comes to get her back. But she rejects him.”
“I see.”
“It was the stunt scene next.” I slowed down forcing myself to really concentrate. “It was going fine, it's not the first time I’ve been on a motorbike you know, it wasn't particularly difficult. There was a small break between the two takes. I was going to go over to the guys but, Teru and MinSo looked busy, and so did Nao and YunHwa. And JaeMan was talking with HyunShik, I couldn't see Yung. So I asked the director if we could just continue.”
Alicia reached over and rubbed her arm up and down soothingly, trying to ease her daughters growing distress.
“It happened so quickly, but slowly. That sounds stupid right? I saw them out the corner of my eye, and I knew that I was going to hit them............Why were they even there mum?! I panicked, I knew it was too late to just stop, so I tried to turn to do something. And then, I just, I was just drowning.”
I felt my mother wrap her arms around me, rubbing my back rhythmically.
“I didn't hurt them did I? I didn't kill them, right? I don't know what I'd do if I was responsible for that, not after your accident.” I began to cry hysterically.
“Sweetheart. It's okay, it's okay. Those girls are perfectly fine. They weren't hurt, so stop worrying about it. Look at me. You are not responsible for my death. I chose to save you.”
I buried my head into my mothers shoulder.
“Do you understand that? I chose to save you. And I don't regret it. I will never regret that. Do you think I would have been able to live with myself if you died when I could have stopped it. I would never have been able to look Shiro in the eyes if I had been such a coward.”
“I'm sorry mum. I miss you so much.”
“I know. I’ll always love you baby, always.”
