This will be a brief story between friends turned lovers. Set in early 1930’s (prewar) and late 1940’s (post war). 

 

 

17 year old at the start of the story, Kira Burnett is a regular ol country girl born and raised in Smyrna, Georgia. She developes an unlikely friendship with a quite unconventional Oriental man by the name of Jung Chanjoon. Simply known as Joon or June Bug by relatives and friends, he’s been there her entire life. A quiet, timid girl, she’s perfectly suited for him. In her young life, she’s seen death, heartbreak, and been broken. But nothing could prepare her for what lied ahead. 

 

21 year old Chanjoon was abandoned by unknown parents 13 years after the turn of the century and the only parents he came to know were Mister Michael Brown and his wife Lilah-Jane Hawkins-Brown. His life was rough growing up as his adopted parents work as sharecroppers. He assumes a life as a Colored boy, unaware of his quite different features until he meets Kira. At four years old, he realizes that he is different than her, but then he discovers that she is different too. Plagued by extremely dark skin and eyes full of grey sea water, she was both bullied and desired by many, white and black alike. She was an unconventional beauty as she grew up but to him, she’d always be his little “Kira girl.” Once the attack on Pearl Harbor happened however, she had became so much more than that. She’d become water and he’d become smoke. 

 

 

Lee Gikwang as Jung Chanjoon (21-32)

 

 

Nyla Lueeth as Kira Burnett (17-28)

insta:@purp.alpaca 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teaser 1:

 

“What are you?” She felt him stiffen and instantly went to reach for his arm. 

“June Bug c’mon.” But he didn’t come on. Instead, he turned around and took in the white man who had challenged him, nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. 

“What are you?” He asked back, ignoring the sharp yank of his hand. 

“Joon….stop it. C’mon now I said.”

“Listen to the darkie bitch and go on your way before you end up in trouble.” 

“Fuck you.” His Southern drawl always grew thick as honey when he was pissed and it was like molasses right about now. The white man spit at him but before he could charge at him, she squeezed herself in between them, hands on his chest. 

“Chanjoon!” She never used his full name but damn it he wasn’t listenin. His eyes snapped down to hers. 

“Let’s. Go.” She said, starting to push him back. He let her but his eyes drifted back up to the man who now sneered. 

“This a sight I ain’t never seen. An Oriental looking son of a bitch fucking niggers.” His throat was tight and he didn’t speak, just stared at him, gaze growing in intensity. 

“They’re certainly addictive. That’s for sure. Especially the darker ones. Swear they got the most fight in em.” 

“Remember your place Joon. Come on…just come on…please.”

“Take your pretty little negra bitch home now boy before somethin mean happen to her.” He let her pull him further and further away from the man, eyes never once leaving his. When the trees blocked him from their view, they began to run. 

Sweat sticking to them like flies to molasses, they ran until their feet begged for wait, until they saw her parents house in sight. He panted, lifting fingers to push back damp black hair from his face. 

“Kira gi-” She shut him up with a hard slap across the cheek. 

“You tryna get us killed?!” She hollered at him, eyes filling up with hot angry tears. Jaw tight, his eyes found hers from underneath the spray of hair that misted across his face from the hit. 

“It’s so easy for you to forget your place ain’t it? You could pass tomorrow and wouldn’t nobody well know.”

“I couldn’t pass and you know it Kira.”

“IT DON’T MATTER. I’m nothin like you and you ain’t nothin like me. Simple as that.” 

“So now it’s my fault now?” He shoved his hair out of his eyes, taking her in entirely now. 

“Yes.” 

“Don’t get a fuckin attitude with me!”

“Don’t you dare curse at me Jung Chanjoon!” His nostrils flared but he grew quiet for a moment.

“I ain’t tried to do anything but protect you.” He tried gentler. 

“You tryna get me lynched is what you tryna do. Get me raped and hung from a tree like an animal. Ain’t you never learned Joon? When you around whites, you shut up, don’t look them in the eye and stay out the way. When’d you forget?” 

“It’s all bullshit and you know it. Who the hell made them God? I’m fucking sick of it.”

“Yeah well be sick of it somewhere else. Here, we know our place and we stay in it.” Turning on her heel, she began to walk away from him. 

“We’re not finished here Kira. Don’t walk away from me.” He said, grabbing her arm. 

“We are finished and in my house I can do what I please. Let me go.”

“No.”

“Don’t make me slap you again Joon I swear ta Gawd.”

“Do it.”

“What?” He brought her closer, expression within his eyes intense and dark.

“You heard me.”

“You’ve lost your mind.”

“Yeah maybe I have.” Before she could talk back, he kissed her, knocking the breath out of her. In broad daylight, they risked so much but he’d stopped caring about that too. He no longer gave a shit. She could call him a bastard, a fool, a crazy cotton eyed son of a bitch and he’d still risk everything for this. Panting against her mouth, he loosened his grip on her arm a little bit and watched as a blush spread like wildfire through her cheeks. 

“What…what are you…doin?” She asked, voice breathy, tone confused. 

“Somethin I shoulda done a long time ago.” He said quietly against her lips before letting her go completely. 

“Your Momma and Daddy should be comin back from the crop any minute now.” She hadn’t moved or taken her eyes off him yet and he swallowed thickly, pinching the skin of his palm to keep from kissing her again. Those grey eyes of hers would tempt a man to go straight to hell. 

“Tell your brother when he get here what happened.” 

“W-wait…”

“I’ll see you later Kira girl.” 

 

 

 

TEASER 2 

 

He’d been right. He’d been right and the confirmation of it made him sick to his stomach. The first time he’d ever been right like this, he’d narrowly saved her from a brutal rape. He’d been 18 and on his way back from the train station. He’d recently started as a waiter on a Pullman train and he knew it was because he was the right color. His features were exotic to the whites and they were intrigued more than anything. A tall built Oriental man with a thick Southern accent stunned them. Everything they said he shouldn’t be he was. Everything they said he shouldn’t have… he did. He wasn’t supposed to be smart but he was, studying in the field of medicine…when he wasn’t working. He wasn’t supposed to be good looking but that didn’t stop the girls from vying for his time. In the city, it was more white than black because the black ones had sense. But in the swirling green and thick trees, brown thighs opened gladly. Right. Back to being right. He’d been heading to his Kira girl’s lot, eager to see her after being away for a year. When he’d left her, she was still a girl though he’d noticed places on her already budding and growing more womanly. He worried. Worried somethin serious for her. 

“Kira?” He called out, the window to their house open like it always was. Nothin. Hm. 

“Kira girl…where are you?” Lifting himself up onto the thin wooden planks, he eyed something curious that caught his eye. There by the edge of the door was a piece of clothing…It looked like the head rag she wore at nigh time. Hm. 

“Where are you at gal?” He asked, peeking into the empty space of the shack. This time, he heard something. It was a brief sharp meep and it sounded muffled. Turning his head towards the sound he came back outside and headed toward the back of the house. It was there that he discovered her dress which was nothing but shreds littered on the grass. 

“Kira!” A sudden thrashing flashed brown skin up from the grouping of wild tall grasses a little bit away from her house. Shit. He shot towards her, feeling hot, angry and panicked all at once. He shoved the grasses away as he entered the foliage and soon found his Kira girl naked as the day she had been born, arms pinned above her. A large thick necked white man had his trousers down, the cheeks of his ass flat and pink, starting to burn in the sun. 

“Be still nigger bitch!” He hollered at her, lifting a fist to strike her across the cheek. Her mouth had been gagged with his sweaty stinking shirt. 

“Get the fuck away from her!” He hissed, coming closer to them. 

“Wait your turn! I got to her first!” The man shot back, hastily trying to reach for his member. 

“I said get away from her.” Wrapping an arm around his neck, he forced him to let her go, his need for breath much more important. She struggled to get up but when she did, she ran, leaving them to tousle in the midsummer heat. Lucky for him, the man was weaker than he thought and he knew he’d have to dispose of him in an undisclosed area. Breathing heavily, he’d found a nearby rock and smashed the man’s skull, now certain he was dead. Getting up, he went to go find Kira and when he did, he held her close until her cries grew silent. 

Now though… now….he couldn’t hold her. He couldn’t do anything but face the fact that this was happening. He knew it was stupid and he knew they shouldn’t have been forced to do it this way. But this was what happened when you listened to pride rather to wisdom and he’d pay the price for it. Closing his eyes, he took a shaky breath and closed his eyes tight. Tears slipped through his eyelids. Kira… 

“SER! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN!” Opening his eyes, he licked his lips, licking away the salt of his shed emotion. 

 

“There’s nothin we can do now… nothin we can do now but die.” Kira…baby…I love you.

 

    Mama always said that the sea was a dangerous idea of love. At the time, I didn’t understand what she could mean. After all, there was no sea were we were… I’d only seen the sea from pictures of post cards myself. How could she know what the sea was and what it held? 

***

 

    “Kotani, come on now! We gon be late for church!” 

    “Alright!” Brown fingers left open an aged journal and pictures soon spilled out from the pages. In the aged black and white and amber…there stood a tall handsome fellow with almond shaped eyes and a big bright smile. There, demurely pressed against him stood her grandmama. The strange Asian man in the picture was a mystery that she wanted solved. He seemed to be strongly protective from the way he held her much smaller form. They looked real familiar and real comfortable with each other.

    “Get your shoes on Tani. We late as it is.” Her eldest sister hollered from down the stairwell. 

    “Girl you ain’t gotta holler. I’m comin.”

    “You know Grandmama can’t stand long. Now come on.” Huffing, she got her purse and pressed her curls back behind her ear. Darn near flying down the stairs, she let out a breath and gingerly reached for one of her grandmother’s hands. 

    “Come on Gam. We goin to church now.” The addled woman smiled, cloudy grey eyes lighting up. 

    “We gon see June Bug today?” She asked, voice that of a girl. 

    “No Gammy. We goin to church.” Her expression grew sad.

    “Oh. Church?”

    “Yes ma’am.”

    “Oh. A’right then let’s go.” 

    “Alright. Let’s head out.” It was 2010 and Kira Peterson was 94 years old. In her mind she was still the girlish 17 year old from way down south. It was hard sometimes to keep up with her because her mental state always varied but none the less, she was still the aged matriarch of the family… the family she’d always wanted to have. Said by her herself in her younger years. As they helped her into the car, Kotani’s desire to be back up in that attic grew deeper. Her grandmother never talked about herself much and she had always been curious to know why she always referred to herself as Kira Jung when she was in some of her moods. Perhaps it all had to do with that handsome man in the picture. 

 

 

*** 

    In her dreams, there he was. Like he always had been. He’d stand there, dressed in a tan cotton shirt and trousers, a clean set of suspenders outlining his broad shoulders. He’d just stand there, eyes watching over her, full lips set in an easy going smile. He wouldn’t speak and she could never bring herself to anyway. How funny that in her dreams, her silken silver hair turned dark brown almost black and the wrinkles and age of her seniority disappeared and she’d become much younger… her old self. Once she’d transform back, then and only then would he speak. 

    “Hey there pretty Kira girl.” She’d feel her cheeks grow warm and he would pull his hand free from his pocket and outstretch it towards her, fingers waiting. But before she could grab ahold of his hand, she always woke up. 

    She’d lived a good life…her later years weren’t full of complaints. Sure her knees and hands ached somethin serious and she couldn’t stand long… but she’d been blessed to live to 94 years old. The world had changed and it was too fast and foreign for her to keep up. In this modern age, the music had gotten obscene, the men and women loose and the cars even more strange looking. 

    Licking dry lips, she turned eyes onto her granddaughters, both of which were pretty and brown, one high yella and one chocolate…looking just like her daughter. At a fresh 15 and 19, they were her pride and joy. Beautiful black women who now had a chance. Not restricted anymore, they could be who and what they wanted and most importantly, they could love whomever they wanted. 

    “Gammy.” The youngest, Kotani called, starting to come towards her. 

    “Yeah Tangie girl?” Her cheeks warmed at the nickname but came to hug her, pressing her face against her breast. 

    “How come you never tell us anythin about you?” Voice laced with that sweet Georgia honey, it brought a smile to her. 

    “Chile what you on bout now?” She asked with that soft smile, wrapping her arms around the girl.

    “Can you tell me what it was like?” 

    “What it was like.”

    “Mmhm.” Turning eyes away from her, for the briefest second she swore she saw him standing there yonder, leaned back against a tree. Arms crossed and a piece of wild grass stuck in-between his lips. 

    “It was a different time baby. A very different time.” 

 

*** 

 

    Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Four 

 

    Sweat inched down a dark brown back and the sun was high in the sky. Bout this time it was sure to be bout noon. Eyes fixed on the dirt, the young girl briskly carried on about herself, careful not to bump into anyone else as she traveled. 

    “You there!” A deep male voice suddenly spoke behind her and she instantly felt fear slip across her flesh like goose pimples. Don’t look behind you. Just keep going. Hurry. Ignoring the increasingly loud calling, she picked up her feet, covered with dirt from the road and hurried a little faster, eager to get into the woods. 

    “Hey!” She didn’t stop to hear the rest, instead taking off in a run, clutching her dress in her hands as she fled. Today would be the day she’d attract the wrong attention. Normally, she had her brother Jimmy with her but he’d gone up to Atlanta for some business. Alone, she knew the horrors that awaited the black female. Panting, she ran until she didn’t hear the voice anymore and felt relief wash over her as she met the cool shade of the trees. Then and only then did she relax, letting out loud breaths of exertion. 

    “Damn you’re a fast little thing.” Twisting, she found a man bent over, hands on his knees as he panted. Sweat dripped off of his nose and his shirt was already soaked. 

    “Leave me alone…” 

    “I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Turning, she began to run again, drifting in and out of the trees, the cool moist dirt of the ground taking the heat off of her legs. 

    “Come back!”

    “No…No leave me be!” In her haste to get away, she slipped over a thick patch of roots and fell, slamming hard into the ground. Digging short nails into scratched up palms, she pressed her face into the dirt, tears starting to well up in her eyes. 

    “Found you.” Hands grabbed her and she started kicking. 

    “Be still now! I ain’t gon hurt you.”

    “NO!” The much larger man gripped her and forced her to turn around. Nausea hit her in waves as she felt him slip in-between her legs. The hair from her braid had come apart and she eyed the man through the thick dark clumps of sweaty strands. 

    “You’ve grown more beautiful.” 

    “What?” She panted, heart pumping against her chest. His hands let her go and she took the opportunity to push his chest hard in an attempt to fight him but quickly found her arms forced back against the hard root, part of it starting to make her hip ache. 

    “Quit fighting me dammit!” His dark hair was messy and she could only see his nose and lips. 

    “I’ll fight, bite, scream and scratch before I let you take me you wicked white devil!” She hissed back, lifting to jam the heels of her feet into his backside. To her disbelief, the man grinned and licked his lips before pulling himself off of her. 

    Pushing her dress down to cover her legs, she sat up, watching as the man finally revealed his eyes, hidden by all that cursed hair. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes grew wide. Those eyes were familiar and she’d know them anywhere. Almond shaped, they were a deep chestnut, deep and playful. 

    “J-June Bug?” That grin of his grew deeper. 

    “Seems I’m not a white devil after all. Thank Gawd of that.”

    “You corn eyed fool!” She bit out before she threw herself at him, feeling his stomach and chest bob with his laughter. 

    “Where’d the hell you learn that? Jimmy?” 

    “Don’t matter. Why you scare me like that huh? I thought you was a cracka somethin.”

    “I’m awfully sorry sweetheart. I ain’t mean to scare you. You ain’t give me a chance.” He said turning eyes down to take her in.         

    “I missed you Kira girl.” A soft sweet smile came to her mouth and their eyes met. 

    “Missed you too you big ol fool.” 

 

 

*** 

 

    “I’ve never talked about it…about him.” Her voice had grown soft and her eyes melancholy. 

    “But you loved him Gammy.” A sad smile drifted across her lips. 

    “Yeah. I did. Loved him more than life.”

    “Who was he?” 

    “He was everythin to me. Everythin.”

    “What was his name?”

    “What you say baby?”

    “What was his name Gammy?” The sad look in her eyes grew cheery all of a sudden and her voice grew girlish. 

    “Why that there was Jung Chanjoon… my June Bug. He was my very best friend.”

 

*** 

 

    He’d been away from home for a lil over a year and yet he always made it back to see her. In the quiet of the woods, he told her about his travels and his adventures away in a place called California. The Pullman Company had took him out that way and listening to him talk made her want to go there. All she’d known was her small town in Smyrna, Georgia all her life and he made her want to discover new places too. 

    “How you been pretty lil gal?” He asked, hands back in the pockets of his suspenders. Her cheeks flushed.

    “You know me. Still helpin Mama and Daddy crop. Me and Lily been wantin to go to Atlanta with Jimmy, see what it’s all about but you know Daddy won’t let me go.”

    “City life is very different from what you used to Kira girl.”

    “Yeah you would sound jus’ like him.”

    “Well, I gotta look out fore you don’t I?”

    “Yeah says the man who just tried to set me nine feet into my grave.” He chuckled. 

    “Why you gotta be so mean to me huh? What happened to the quiet timid lil thing you was growin up?”

    “You make me not so timid and not so quiet. You make me mean.”

    “Do I?”

    “Yeah.” 

    “Remind me to keep it up. I like it.” He said with a playful wink, setting her cheeks aflame. 

    “Whateva.” His laughter warmed her heart though and she playfully pushed him as they came out of the clearing and again into daylight. 

    “Tell you what… it’s damn good to be home.” He said with one of his bright sunny smiles, leaning back to let the sun drip drops of sweat down his neck. Watching him, she hadn’t known that that was the year everything between them would change. That would be the year that she’d fall in love with him. 

 

*** 

    “Come on Gammy, let’s get you ready for bed now.” 

    “Bed? It ain’t bedtime yet.”

    “It’s goin on nine o’clock Gam.” The eldest girl, Fronnie said gently, coming to grasp one of her hands. 

    “That right?”

    “Mmhm. Come on. Tangie and I help you into bed.” 

    “Okay baby.” Her updo was gently taken apart and small brown hands brushed her soft silver curls before loosely braiding them into a simple single plait. 

    “Gammy you got such pretty hair.” 

    “That right?”

    “Mmhm. It’s like silk.” Grey eyes watched as a night rail came across her shoulders. 

    “You know…he said the same thing…once a twice.” The two girls blinked as the woman struggled to get up. 

    “Guess that was one thing good about me. I had good hair.”

    “This about that man in the pictures?” Fronnie asked as they led her to her bed. 

    “Yo granddaddy neva knew. Couldn’t have him know.”

    “Know what?”

    “That I loved somebody else…” The sisters looked up at each other but quietly pulled the covers up over the small frail woman. 

    “G’night Gammy.” Two pairs of lips kissed the smooth dark skin of her brow and blew out the kerosene lamp that she insisted upon, not desiring any modern lights. Once they left her, the two eagerly found themselves in the attic, the old journal right where Tangie had left it. 

    “We gotta find out bout this June Bug man. Gammy ain’t never talked about him.” She spoke, picking up the heavy journal. 

    “How’d you even find this Tani?” Fronnie inquired, eying the thick dust that covered some of the storage containers and pictures surrounding them. 

    “Ion know. Just started lookin through stuff.”

    “Why?”

    “Cause. Don’t act like you ain’t curious too.” The older sister worried her lips with bites. 

    “Fine. I am. I wanna know just as bad as you.”

    “He Asian. I know that much.” Fronnie’s eyes grew wide. 

    “Come again? He’s what?”

    “You heard me. Asian. Non black. Non white. Asian.” 

    “Wait..wait wait wait… you tellin me our grandmama was in love with an…an Asian man?” 

    “Yeah.” 

    “Ion believe you.” 

    “Look for yourself.” Gathering the pictures that had slipped out of the journal, she handed them to her sister and watched as her mouth dropped open, setting eyes on the same picture she’d seen. Of the tall undeniably and unmistakablyAsian man and her petite grandmama…awfully close and awfully familiar. He had his arm around her waist and one of her small hands pressed demurely against his stomach.

    “Oh my Gawd. You right.” Tani smirked. 

    “Toldja.”

    “But that was unheard of in the 1930’s…. wasn’t no Asian man with no black woman during them days…”

    “Well there’s a couple right there.”

    “But how… This don’t make no sense.”

    “The only way we gon get our answer is by reading this journal. In Gammy’s own words.” Fronnie viewed the other pictures that she’d handed her. Pictures of their great uncle James Burnett Jr. and great aunt Lily and their great grandparents Tommasina and James Burnett Sr. All of them together and some with pictures of who they assumed were friends. 

    “Okay…let’s not spend all night up here. You gotta be at school early tomorrow morning and I got class.”

    “Just a few pages and then we’ll quit for today.”

    “Deal.” Neatly piling the pictures together, they opened the thick heavy journal’s front leather opening and started from the first page. 

 

*** 

 

 

    On this day, August Twentieth of the year Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five, my life will never be the same. From this day forth, consider it irreparable and permanently damaged.

I suppose you want to know what this is all about. So, I suppose I’ll start at the beginning. The start of everything. I’ll take you back all the way to the year Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Four. The year it started. Well… maybe not started… but finally came to a head. 

*** 

    “Move out the way!” A young woman was shoved to the ground. 

    “Hey!” Dark brown eyes settled on the group of boys that surrounded the girl. 

    “Get away from my sister or I’ll beat you all with this here broomstick!” 

    “Aw come on Lily…you know as well as we do that ain’t no chance for her in life. She’s too dark and ugly.”

    “Stop it!” The cafe au lait colored girl came swinging that broomstick towards them and they scattered like roaches. 

    “Don’t come back ya hear! I’ll skin y’all ‘live.” Panting, the girl knelt and placed a hand on her sister’s glossy black curls, nearly identical to hers. 

    “Don’t listen to them Kira. You ain’t ugly.” 

    “Nawl…they only tellin the truth.” The girl sat up, biting her bottom lip. 

    “I’m not like you Lil. Or Jimmy. I’m cursed.” 

    “Stop that now! Git up.” She began to stand and stood still as her sister brushed the dirt off of her dress. 

    “You ain’t cursed. You are beautiful you know. They only jealous they sisters got nappy ass hair. Least we can comb ours straight through with no grease.” That brought a small smile to her. Yeah that was her saving grace. She had everything right about her except for her skin color. The beautiful long curly hair inherited by their father and grey eyes, she woulda been a dame had she not inherited a color darker than her mother’s. 

    “Anyway, I think we should go wait for Jimmy at the train station. Shouldn’t he be comin back up from Atlanta by now?”

    “Yeah that’s what I heard.” Lily said, wiping some sweat off of her forehead with the back of her hand. 

    “I’ma go fix him a nice little lunch.”

    “Don’t bother. You know he probably gon treat us when he get off the train.” Nodding, she fixed her hair, slipping stray curls back behind her ear and made sure the pins that held her updo were secure. 

    “Okay let’s go.” 

*** 

    “Sneaky son of a bitch.” 

    “Look, we had to do what we had to do.”

    “You tryna get us killed Jim.”

    “Look, if you minded yo business we’d be set.”

    “Bullshit.” A group of men sat together in one of the rare integrated cars, drinking some coffee. 

    “You lucky I even came up here.”

    “Well, you pulled a string for me so consider this my way to thank you.”

    “Whatever. Listen, you and the rest of y’all dusty ass negros ain’t gettin ready to make me lose this job here. I happen to like it.”

    “Hey, watch it yellow boy.”

    “Don’t bring my appearance into it now you assholes.” He retorted with a grin before flicking them off. 

    “Member I was raised round you lot. I might not look like y’all but I’m every bit a Georgia man otherwise.”

    “Yeah whatever Joonie boy.”

    “Say June Bug,”

    “What?”

    “Where’d you get a name like the one you got from anyway?” Turning almond shaped eyes over to the passing swirling green, he shrugged. 

    “Don’t know. When Mama found me, she said my name was written on some paper in my basket.”

    “Oh.”

    “Yeah. Said it’s Korean.”

    “Interestin. So you a Korean then?”

    “Yeah by blood I guess I am.”

    “Where is that even at?” The group of men eyed the idiot of the bunch… Frog.

    “Frog you a dumb muhfucka ain’t you.”

    “Aye lookee here I ain’t neva heard of no Korea. So forgive me fore askin.” He however just sat back against the seat, lips set in a smirk. 

    “It’s in Asia Frog. East Asia.” 

    “Oh.” 

    “Maybe yo parents got ridda you cause you got them big ol soup coolas for lips.” Scat, a fast talkin sneaky sonabitch joked, returning his earlier middle finger with one of his own. 

    “Fuck you Scat. You sure as hell can’t talk with them bubba lips stuck to ya face.” But it brought a laugh from him, all of them. 

    “Yeah how many Koreans got lips like yours? Truth be told when I first met you I jus’ thought you was high yella.”

    “That right?”

    “Yeah. Not even the Chinese I seen got lips like yours. You sho you ain’t black somewhere fa real?”

    “Who knows…shit I might be. We’ll neva know will we?” 

    “Don’t matter. You as good as one of us.”

    “Damn right.” The breeze from the open car rustled his hair and he sighed into the air. 

    “It’s good to have you home June Bug.”

    “Yeah good to be home.” 

*** 

    “They train comin in!” The girls excitedly waited as the train pulled in. Amongst other family members ready to see their family members, they waited and waited until they grew near mad with excitement. 

    “I see him! JIMMY! OVA HERE!” In the swarm of people, there their brother was, comin out of the Colored exit. His celadon eyes found the girls. 

    “Lily! Kira!” 

    “Ova here!” The bunch of men pushed past the eager and anxious bodies, soon coming up to them. 

    “Welcome home!” Lily gushed warmly, coming to hug him. Kira on the other hand found she couldn’t pay attention to her brother at the moment, instead her eyes finding the man who stood taller than her kin, warm deep eyes taking her in just the same. Funny she hadn’t noticed before how the crisp white of his shirt stretched nice and taunt across broad shoulders and biceps. Feeling her face grow hot, she forced herself to look away from him. He musta been nibblin his lips cause they were rosy and swollen and she most definitely needed to look somewhere else. 

    “You findin Joon mighty interestin Kira.” The embarrassment she felt only intensified as she looked up into light green eyes, eyes that teased. 

    “What? N-No… I wasn’t…”

    “You still ain’t said nothin to me girl.” 

    “You finally brought yo big arrogant head home huh?” The boys hooped and hollered at her retort and she yelped as he playfully lifted her up into his arms. 

    “My bein away don made you git fresh huh? Lily what you doin to this girl? She was nice and quiet till I left.” Lily grinned. 

    “I ain’t got nothin to do with it. She gettin her sass from Mama and I for one think she growin up jus’ fine.”

    “Hmph. All y’all damned women get it from Mama.”

    “Yeah and glad of it. Without us y’all menfolk wouldn’t know what to do. Couldn’t keep clean clothes, eat or bathe for that matter. Y’all should be thankin us.” 

    “Somebody’s been reading them God awful women rights magazines again.”

    “Yeah and what of it?” Lily shot back as she led the crowd of them away from the platform. Finding her feet once again on the ground, she let out a breath of relief. 

    “Kira, Mama nem still on the crop?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Damn white devil. At the rate they goin, they ain’t neva gon pay off their loan.”

    “Gon be in the cotton fields forever.”

    “That’s the design of it all.”

    “Bastards.” 

    “Hush. Don’t talk so loud.” 

    “So James…where we goin to eat?”

    “Huh?”

    “Don’t huh me. Kira an I don came a long way to come fetch you boys. The least y’all could do was feed us.”

    “Bullshit.”

    “It’s a’right Jimmy. I got it.” June Bug spoke up, eyes never having left her. Swallowing a thick lump in her throat, she smiled at him. 

    “Showin off now huh? Mister Big Shot think he big shit now that he seein places and makin money.”

    “Scat, you jus’ mad you ain’t makin shit but shit.” The group laughed and he winked at her before slipping hands into his pockets. 

    “Gals, pick where y’all wanna go. It’s on me.” 

    “I wanna try a malt.” Lily requested, nudging her with her elbow. 

    “Y-yeah I ain’t neva had one neither.” She piped up, cheeks fulla fire. What was wrong with her? He was making her feel very unfamiliar things and she wasn’t sure she appreciated them or understood them. She’d never been this flustered around him before. After all, this was June Bug… her June Bug. Best friend from the time she would remember. He’d always been like a big brother to her, what being four years older than her. But at 21 moons, he wasn’t making her think of him as very brotherly and that bothered her. 

    “Malt it is. We’ll go to one of the best malt shops in Mableton.” 

    “Alright.” 

*** 

    “You runnin from me or somethin?” He couldn’t help but ask, lips twitching in a smirk. 

    “No I ain’t runnin from you.”

    “Then slow down girl.” He reached for her hand and pulled her back towards him. 

    “Look don’t be make demands.”  Lips now stretched into a grin, he licked them. He wasn’t sure where this feisty little girl was comin from but damn was he enjoyin her. His Kira girl was growing up mighty fine. 

    “Don’t make me put you ova my knee now Kira.” He half warned, half joked watching the way her smooth brown cheeks grew red. The two of them slowed down some, fingers still entangled, still lost in the throng of people on the road. 

    “How old are you now?” He asked, eying a loose curl or two that had slipped from behind her ear. 

    “17 suns.”

    “Ah. You’re a big girl now.”

    “I’m a woman now Joon.” She corrected, tong haughty. 

    “Excuse me then. Woman.” He said, gaze drifting down her body once real quick. That she was. He couldn’t deny that she was. He tried his damndest to keep some distance… some familiarity between them but he was also a man and he had more than noticed her figure in the two or three days since he’d been back home. She filled out her dresses in the right places and then some. Letting go of her hand, he let her walk ahead of him a bit, allowing himself the chance to admire her some more. The girl had the nerve to have an ample rump behind her now. That musta grown while he was away. 

    “Pick up ya feet June Bug. I’m gettin hungry.”

    “Are you?” He asked, eyes slipping back up her petite little frame, all smooth curves and dark brown skin.

    “Yeah.” If she still bore any resemblance of the little girl he knew, she'd have the appetite of a man. 

    “Well then it’s a good thing I got some money on me ain’t it?” Glancing back at him, she pursed her lips. 

    “Yep.” 

    “Well why you standing out here. Let’s go on inside so you can eat.” He grinned, lifting her up on an ascending step. Giggling, she gripped his hands as he did it again. 

    “Will you two stop and come on?” Lily said under her breath tersely, arms crossed. 

    “Quit bein mean Lil.” She shot back, pushing his hands off of her waist. 

    “Hmph. Y’all act like y’all ain’t ever seen each other before.”

    “I missed him a’right? Leave me alone.”

    “Yeah Lily Bean. Leave Kira ‘lone huh?”

    “Fine. Long as you buy me whatever I want hear?” 

    “Yeah yeah. Gon inside Kira.”

    “Okay.” Him and some of the other boys stayed outside to light a cigarette and he glanced at her one last time as she sat in the colored section booth, laughing at somethin her sister said. 

    “She’s become kinda beautiful huh?” Turning eyes onto Scat, he exhaled smoke. 

    “Kinda beautiful?”

    “Yeah it’s a damn shame she’s a darkie. She don’t got much titty but she’s got an ass that’ll stop traffic. Good curly hair and them grey eyes of hers get anybody hard huh?” He felt his throat grow tight. 

    “She’s…she’s definitely a looker.” 

    “Yeah who woulda thought that lil pickaninny woulda grew up to look like that? Even her beautiful ass sister don’t got parts like her. She too top heavy for me.”

    “Aye I don’t know what y’all talkin bout. Lilian Burnett is the finest gal in Smyrna. She the finest shade of caramel, so sweet it give you a cavity. Them freckles look like a Georgian night sky. And you can get your fingers through her hair with no fucking problem. Shit, y’all no good negros ain’t good enough for her. Couldn’t handle them big luscious titties of hers no way.”

    “Aye y’all better chill out. They are my sisters.” Jimmy said, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

    “Sorry Jimbo.”

    “Don’t call me that.”

    “Why Jimbo?” 

    “For fuck’s sake Scat.”

    “What’s wrong Jimbo?” He pestered with a mischievous grin, barely ducking from one of his hands. 

    “Okay I don talked enough. I’m ready to eat and since our man June Bug here payin for lunch I’m ready to throw down.” All of them started towards the door but his hand caught the arm of one of em. 

    “Dipp.” The man looked at him, grin wide and easy on his face. 

    “What?” 

    “About what you said earlier. About Kira.” 

    “What of it?”

    “Don’t call her that again a’right?”

    “Fuck you on bout Joon? If you turned off the light with her in the same room you wouldn’t be able to see her.”

    “If you make fun of her color again you and me gonna have problems you hear me?” The man laughed condescendingly. 

    “Oh…I get it. You don seen that ass and it got you rethinkin the whole brother thing huh?”

    “Don’t piss me off you bug eyed sonabitch.” Shoving the grinning man away from him, he glared at him. 

    “A’right then I’m sorry. Shit.”

    “Yeah shit don’t do it again.”

    “I’ll leave ya little girl alone. You protective ass bastard.”

    “You better.”

*** 

    When they came into the diner, eyes watched as he came to sit down right next to her, arm comfortably across her shoulder. 

    “Joon,”

    “Yeah lil gal?”

    “Don’t it bother you?”

    “What, the starin?”

    “Yeah.”

    “I’m used to it by now. Don’t bother me. And,” He gently took her nose between his fingers. 

    “It shouldn’t bother you neither. Now, pick somethin to eat.” Cheeks warm, she nodded but otherwise was quiet as she began to browse from the menu. Soon, food filled the table and he watched as her sister and her shared their first malt. The delight that took over their faces. He’d promised himself somethin long time ago. That he’d protect Kira no matter what. See, in the brutal world in which they lived, they were both outsiders. He was more than light enough to pass for white but he was too Oriental lookin to be successful. His eyes a dead giveaway to his Korean heritage. Even if he had more European eyes, his lips woulda had them questioning him had he wanted to pass. At the end of the day the shit didn’t bother him. He was what he was and he was damn proud of it. 

    Kira on the other hand… her life had been cruel. The butt of every joke, snicker and laugh. Her skin color had always been the topic of conversation and she was belittled and degraded sometimes to the point of tears. He’d watched his little Kira girl be bullied and talked about. 

    People told her that she’d never get a man. That any good sensible negro would never want to be with someone so dark and dirty. It was a shame they said. The progress they were tryna make as a race would be wasted on somebody like her. All that pretty good hair wasted on a black body. Them grey eyes would look so much prettier on a lite bright they said. Instead of dark smudges for lips, they wanted plump pink lips, skin so fair you could see the veins bright and blue underneath.  

    “Joon, you ain’t touched ya food.”

    “He too busy makin goo goo eyes at Kira.”

    “Shut up.” He replied, reaching for a fry or two. 

    “Let the man look okay? Our little Kira sure has grown up hasn’t she?” Lily asked with a knowing smile, eying the two in between sips of the large malt. 

    “What makes y’all think he lookin at me like that huh? He’d be better off eying up Lil. Everybody want her.” She didn’t say it with a trace of jealousy, rather resignation… acceptance.    

    “Joon, why don’t you help Kira finish up this malt huh? I can’t drink another sip.” 

    “Lil-”

    “Hush now. Don’t make this man waste the money he don spend on us now.” Cheeks growing red as a cherry, she licked her lips and glanced up at him. 

    “Come on Kira girl. Let’s show her we can do this.” He said with a teasing grin. 

    “A’right then.” Taking a straw in each hand, they began to drink the rest of the sweet until their cheeks grew cold and their tongue numb. 

***

    “That’s it for now Tani. It’s well over a couple pages.”  Fronnie had to admit that already she’d grown engrossed and she wanted to keep reading. 

    “He’d already fallen in love with Gam.” Tani said with a dreamy sigh, closing the journal. 

    “He probably was in love with her for a long time.”

    “Yeah.”

    “I think the same for Gammy. She been in love with June Bug. She just ain’t know it when she was younger.”

    “Come on now. I take you home.”

    “I wanna read one more entry Fronnie.”

    “Tomorrow we’ll come back over okay? And if you pass yo upcomin test, I’ll bring you over here to spend the weekend. We can really get to readin then.” The girl’s eyes lit up and she gingerly fingered the aged leather. From here, she was hooked and she brimmed with so many questions. Huffing, the two girls came down from the attic and peeked into their grandmama’s room to find her sleeping nice and sound. 

    “She’s still beautiful. I don’t care what them folks was talkin bout back then. They wished they could look like Gammy at 94.” Tani spoke angrily under her tongue as they locked up and headed to the car. She had no idea that her Gam had suffered such harsh treatment at her age. And yet she always managed to pull herself up and try to continue on. That was the kinds woman she was. Smiling, Kotani laid her head back against the headrest and drifted to sleep on the way home, dreaming of a tall Asian man and a short petite black woman dancing round and round in circles. Never-ending and everlasting. 

“Hurry up Saffron!” Shoes were kicked off and Kotani raced past her up the stairs. 

    “STOP RUNNIN UP MY STAIRS YOU HEAR!” A quite hearty shout from their Gammy paused their steps. 

    “YES MA’AM!” Quieting down, they climbed the attic stairs careful, quiet. 

    “Mama lettin me stay the weekend too. I can read to my heart’s content.” Fronnie grinned.

    “Yeah Gam’s journal is all you can talk bout.”

    “Yeah cause it’s interestin!”

    “Okay, gon pick up where we left off.”

    “Kay.” 

*** 

    To me, as a young girl of 17, matters of the heart were foreign yet exciting. I never thought I’d come to love him the way I did. But in the slick summer of ’34, it happened and it hit me without much warning. 

***

    “COME ON KIRA!” Loud splashes of water crashed up on the rocks and the sweet hearty laughter of her sister drifted up through the trees. 

    “I’m comin now hold on!” Starting to unbutton the small buttons to her dress, she soon shrugged out of it and peeled off her stockings. Standing in her white undergarment slip, she ran towards the water with a loud excited scream. 

    “You’ve been staring at her the entire time Joon.” 

    “Have I?” Jim turned to see June Bug leaning back against one of the trees, a shred of grass trapped in between his teeth. 

    “You’re transfixed by her.” Chuckling, he spit the blade of grass out of his mouth. 

    “That right?”

    “Look…Joon.” His serious tone of voice made him look at him.

    “Out of everybody…I trust you.” He didn’t say anything else and started to take off his jacket. 

    “Come on Daddy, come swim with us!” Some pretty little thing called from the water, the thin straps to her slip sliding down light brown shoulders. Jim licked his lips and shoved off his shoes and socks. 

    “You trust me?” He asked, trying to understand. 

    “I said what I said Joon. Now you figure out the rest hear?” He soon ran naked towards the group of girls. 

    “JAMES BURNETT JR! PUT THAT THING AWAY!” Lily screeched, covering her eyes. Kira laughed openly, loudly, purely. She had a hand over her face too but pulled it away, coming to slap her brother on the chest instead. 

    “You a nasty somethin ain’t you? Ain’t nobody told you to get naked.”

    “I definitely ain’t complainin.” The girl said, pressed up against him. It was anybody’s guess what was going on underneath the water. 

    “Kira come on. These two bouta pollute the water. Let’s go over to that there pond.”

    “Oh yeah?” 

    “Yeah. Hey Joon, you joinin us?” At his name, he glanced their way, hands in his pockets. 

    “Y’all want me to swim with y’all?”

    “Yeah come on Mistah Big Shot.” Another little pretty thang cooed, nice and brown like a chocolate bar. He lifted his eyebrow, boyish smirk starting to appear. 

    “Ask real nice and I might.” 

    “Please Daddy? Do it for me.” The girl drawled all seductive like and he couldn’t possibly say no to an invitation like that. Lifting his suspenders, he let them fall against his hips and started to unbutton his shirt. 

    “Don’t be gettin naked like James June Bug.” Lily teased, lifting herself up out of the lake. 

    “He bet not. That’s all for me later.” The girl bragged, pushing her nude upper body up onto the bank. He said not a word as he continued to undress, shirt falling to the ground.

*** 

    That fast little heifa wasn’t the only one who suddenly found herself breathless. She found that she physically could not breathe as the button to his trousers came undone. 

    “He didn’t look like that before did he?” Lily asked, helping her out of the water. 

    “What?”

    “Girl you damn near droolin.”

    “I am not!” But she checked her mouth nonetheless. Lily laughed lightly and hugged her to her body. 

    “This Georgia sun doin him good I think. He losin that winter pale and his hair growin long again. Maybe you can cut it for him.” 

    “C-Cut it?” She asked, cheeks growing warm as the pants grew slack against his ankles. His biceps rippled as he stood, lifting to push his moist obsidian hair back from those beautiful crescent moon shaped eyes. The muscles that covered his stomach came from sweat and hard work she was sure…lifting, bending and carrying stuff on them trains all day and night. Chiseled and defined, she couldn’t look away as a bead or two of sweat danced down the honeyed skin.

    “Girl pick yo mouf up now.” She dropped her eyes and lifted shaky fingers to smooth curls back from her face that escaped her pinned braid.

    “My, I had no idea you had alla that under there.” The girl praised, coming to stand fully nude and she lifted eyes to her. Unlike her, she was lighter, prettier…she had an actual bust for Gawd’s sake. Compared to her modest little beestings as she called em, the girl had been blessed with an ample helping… everywhere. Her breasts were full and heavy and her figure resembled that of a coke bottle. Hips flared out and her derriere was just as plentiful. 

    “From what I’m seein you gotta mighty big piece of meat there between them thighs too Joon.” The girl made her want to vomit but she swallowed thickly. So… this was the kinda girl he liked huh? A male meat hungry dog…a bitch sniffin for her next meal. 

    He chuckled lowly but said nothing else as he came towards them. 

    “Come on in. The water real nice!” Lily invited in the smaller fresh water pond. 

    “Why you look that way?” His voice brought her out of her reverie, eyes wide as he came to stand smack dab right in front of her, hands on his hips. 

    “W-what way am I lookin?” 

    “Like you’d rather be anywhere but here.” His voice teased her but it struck her different as it had grown low like he was tryna keep a secret. 

    “N-no…I just…I just-”

    “Wanna have some fun with me huh?” She screeched as he lifted her up over his shoulder. 

    “June Bug!”

    “That what you said right?”

    “You puttin words in ma mouf!” He laughed, lifting her to throw her into the water. 

    “My little Kira girl missed her June Bug somethin serious huh?”

    “Shol did.” Lily said under her breath with a grin.  She splashed water at him. 

    “Yeah and you don come back struttin like a peacock!” She retorted, splashing him in the face. 

    “Oh?”

    “Yeah. Who you think you are huh?”

    “For today, he’s my man.” Miss Hot lil thang said wrapping arms around his waist. 

    “Poor honey chile.”

    “What?” The girl asked, flipping her head towards the taunting voice.

    “Girl you tryin so hard to keep his attention.” Lily said, very evident scowl on her face. 

    “Oh and Miss Boy Chest ova here ain’t tryin the same?” She eyed her. 

    “Excuse me?”

    “You heard me you no chest having heifa.”

    “Hey now. Y’all ain’t gotta fight.” Jimmy said suddenly, coming to squeeze his body in between them. To her surprise, Joon turned around and lifted his hand to the girl’s neck, gripping her throat snugly. 

    “Be good.” She swallowed, eyes locked on his.

    “I’m…I’m sorry Daddy.”

    “Let’s have fun a’right?” With a nod, his fingers left her neck. Licking her lips, she closed her eyes, pressing her head back. Let today go by please Gawd.

*** 

    “That girl was tryna make Gam jealous.”

    “Yeah but if she had any sense, she’d know Gam was the only girl he had eyes for.”

    “Clearly she ain’t have none.” The two sisters snort. 

    “Gam ain’t have to do alla that. June Bug wanted her just the way she was.”

    “Yeah cause Gammy was a lady.”

    “Right.” Fingering the entry page, Tani licked her lips. 

    “It make me sad that Gam was comparing herself to every girl that came by.”

    “Well Tani, in them days…the lighter you was the better you was. Being dark wasn’t seen as a good thing… it was seen-”

    “As a curse. Like Gam said.”

    “Yeah.” Fronnie pulled her younger sister close. 

    “But ain’t nothin wrong with her skin color. Yours either. It’s beautiful and rich and shines just like sunlight.” Tani smiled some, eying the next entry. 

    “Member what Mama always say to us? Black is beautiful and it comes in so many different shades. Don’t let nobody tell you different. Or I’ma be like great aunt Lily and beat somebody up.” Tani laughed loudly, coming to quickly muffle herself. 

    “Fronnie you ain’t neva been in no fight before.”

    “Yeah but when it come to you I will.”

    “Aw.”

    “Come on now, let’s get into the next entry. Waitin gon give me anxiety.”

*** 

    “I’m sorry about earlier.” Pulling the last pin from her hair, those luscious full curls came drifting down her back, slick with water. 

    “Who…Miss Hot Lil Thang?” She asked, turning those grey eyes of hers back towards him. 

    “She was out of turn.”

    “Yeah but you put her back in her place mighty fine so,” She shrugged, turning towards him completely. Now, the waters were quieter, stiller…peaceful. Only the two of them remained. Her sister, the boys and the few girls they’d brought along all decided to head up the road for a spell, leaving them behind. 

    “Still. It wasn’t right what she said.” 

    “It’s the truth.” Sighing, she turned her gaze up at the trees, the green leaves swaying in the warm humid summer breeze. 

    “No it’s not.” He spoke bringing her gaze back down to his with a hand. 

    “Now you jus’ tryna be nice outta pity. It’s okay Joon you ain’t gotta lie to me. I got what I got.” Pulling away, she dipped underwater and he swallowed thickly, waiting until she came up for air. The spit in his mouth dried up and he felt the familiar warmth of desire hit him right in the lower part of his belly. The sunlight hit her just right just then and it was like its golden light injected itself inside of her skin, making it shimmer with golden highlights. One of her slip straps drifted down a small shoulder and the white garment had grown sheer and form fitting, outlining every curve she possessed. Sighing loudly, she turned back towards him. 

    “I happen to think what you got is fine enough.” He spoke, voice low and throaty, eyes dipping to the small little mounds that pressed round and perky against the sheer thin shift. 

    “Of course you’d say that. You’re June Bug. You’re biased.” He said not a word, instead chose to come closer and closer until he had her in his grip touch light on the back of her neck, wet curls gathered up in his hand.

    “You’re missin my whole point Kira girl.”

    “Yeah and what is that?” 

    “I ain’t speakin to you as the friend you’ve known your whole life. Not right now.” Her breath started to grow heavy. 

    “I’m speakin to you as a man. A man admirin beauty for what it is.” Her eyes grew wide and a rush of blood shot south as he watched those dark little berries she had for nipples harden. His mouth watered and he wanted to pull one of them into his mouth. Instead, she pushed away from him and hid them under the water, arms coming to grasp her waist. 

    “J-Joon stop it. You don’t have to say that.”

    “Have you ever known me to be a liar?” He asked, coming closer once again. Each lap he took towards her she took back away from him. 

    “Look…maybe we should get out. Go find the others.”

    “I don’t want to.”

    “Yeah but-”

    “When’s the last time you swam with me Kira?”

    “Is that what we’re doin right now? Swimmin?” 

    “That’s right.” Before she could protest, he gathered her up in his arms, pressing his face against her ribcage. 

    “It’s been an awfully long time.” He was feeling like he had no control over himself and as her fingers came to slide into his hair, he bit his lip to stop a soft groan from escaping. Kira had never…never elicit such a physical reaction out of him before. A part of it didn’t make any sense but a larger majority of it did. He wasn’t about to fight it. His attraction to his little girl had only been rising… steadily each and every year and gawddamn it it had stretched itself thin by now. As she so haughtily proclaimed before… she was a woman now. And he more than wanted to show her just what that meant. His throbbing angry cock demanded it. 

    “Yeah…it has been.” Her voice was quiet and soft. He lifted her up to sit on one of the rocks nearby. Pressing his cheek against her exposed thigh, he closed his eyes, finally letting his bottom lip go. Control yourself.  

    “Joon?”

    “Yeah sweetheart?”

    “I don’t like it when you leave.” Her hands slid down across his shoulders and he sighed, turning to hide his face completely. 

    “I’m awfully sorry about that suga.”

    “Hm.”

    “I gotta go where the train takes me.”

    “Yeah but that don’t mean you gotta be away for so long.” Pressing his lips against her warm soft skin, he silently asked for forgiveness. 

    “Maybe you can come with me next time. Would you like that?”

    “You mean it?” Lifting up on his arms, he kissed her forehead before meeting her gaze. 

    “I mean it.” She playfully pushed him away from her. 

    “Yeah a’right. You know my Daddy gon say no.”

    “Let me talk to em.” So reminiscent of their younger years, she launched herself at him and they fell back into the water, laughter clear and tinkling. 

*** 

    “Some of this might be too grown up for you.” Fronnie said, taking in the girlish blush that came from Tani’s cheeks. 

    “Nun uh. I..I know what sex is. I’m 15 years old.”

    “Yeah but…”

    “We readin. I don’t care.”

    “I don’t want Mama beating my tail cause you readin somethin you shouldn’t be.”

    “It ain’t like I’m out there doin it. This about Gam’s life Fronnie. And she wasn’t innocent…”

    “After bein with June Bug she wasn’t that’s for sure.” Hitting her cackling sister, she swallowed thickly. She had to read it all the way through. Even the nasty parts. After all…her and June Bug loved each other and while she was young…she knew that much. That when two people really loved each other…havin sex wasn’t bad. It just meant…just meant they could express it in a different way. 

    “It’s gettin late Tani girl. You wanna call it quits? We got the whole weekend.”

    “No! Just… just one more.” Fronnie smiled warmly and pulled her sister against her in a hug again. 

    “Alright. One more.” 

*** 

    From that day at the pond, Joon had awakened a hunger inside of me that I didn’t know I possessed. It felt awfully strange at first but as the weeks since his coming home progressed, I began to feel it grow and swell like a sun inside of my womb. It began to feel less strange and more…more natural… more familiar. I tried everythin I could to make sure distance was between us because his touch set me on fire and I burned slow and steady each time. I dared not ask my Mama what it was for fear of embarrassment. Sure, the man had grown up with me and he was considered family but still. Still. I couldn’t have her know I desired a man that wasn’t a Negro. It all posed a big problem. But not as big of a problem as what came one sunny afternoon, muggy sticky Georgia heat thick like a fog in the air. 

*** 

    “Y’all seen Jimmy?” The lot of them had gathered around a small outdoor ice cream parlor, trying to eat the rapidly melting treat. 

    “Nawl. Joon, you?” The eyes glanced his way. 

    “I ain’t seen him nawl.”

    “You think he went down to Atlanta again?”

    “Without tellin us?” 

    “He wouldn’t do that.”

    “What he be goin down there for anyway June Bug?” Strangely, the man grew quiet and licked at his ice cream for a while in silence. 

    “Hello? I’m talkin to you Joon!” Lily said with a wave of her hand. Swallowing thickly, he glanced between the two of them and the look in his eyes didn’t sit right with her. 

    “He was tryna find work down that way.”

    “And?”

    “You know Jimmy. Can’t keep his mouth shut.”

    “What’d he do Joon?” She asked, voice growing serious. 

    “Got into a fight with some whites.” Lily and her both groaned. 

    “Stupid fool.” 

    “That’s the wrong thing to do.”

    “But he assured us that everythin was a’right.”

    “What was he fightin with them about?”

    “They told him he couldn’t work at one of them fancy country clubs.”

    “Jimmy anything but dark. Them whites got an eye problem. He’s light as ever with green eyes. He look more white than any of em.” 

    “It wasn’t that.”

    “Then what was it?” Joon bit into his ice cream cone. 

    “He was up there fuckin them white women.”

    “Oh Gawd the bold bastard.”

    “Scat…”

    “Any Negro from the South know…one thing you don’t do is mess with the white man’s woman. That’s a sure ticket straight to the grave.”

    “He got plenty of fine brown tail down here he could get. I wouldn’t want no thin blotchy faced white broad no way. They all look like stiff necked crows if you ask me.” Scat continued, reaching for a cigarette. 

    “Yeah well that’s the story.” Joon said, finishing his cone. 

    “How long he been gone?”

    “Bouta day or two.”

    “Maybe he got drunk and went home with one of them pretty thangs from a couple weeks back at the waterin hole.” Dipp suggested, eating some more of his cold cream. 

    “Ion know. He always comes by in the mornin to say hi to Mama, Papa and us. He ain’t been by for at least a day…this make the second.”

    “Look, give Jimmy time okay? He’ll come around.” Lily and her exchanged looks but continued to eat their ice cream before it completely melted. The feeling in their stomachs said otherwise. Another known thing in the South was this… if a man didn’t come home…if he disappeared…something deadly and dangerous had caught up to him. 

*** 

    A couple more days had passed with no word or sight of Jimmy and by this point, both of the sisters were worried, scared and upset. But just like that, one early mornin, celadon eyes woke her up, giving her a start. 

    “JAMES!”

    “Hush girl!”

    “Don’t you hush me you heartless bastard!” Her brother grinned and kissed her. 

    “Wake up Ma and Pa will you?”

    “What’s this about Jimmy?” 

    “Just do what I tell you.” Sighing in grumbles, she got up and went into the large great room of their two room shack. Comin over to her Mama and Daddy who slept on floor pallets, she began to shake em. 

    “Mama. Daddy. Wake up.”

    “What?”

    “Jimmy want y’all to wake up.”

    “Jim’s back?”

    “Yeah…” Her parents got up and began to get up. 

    “Jim?”

    “Come on outside!” 

    “What he say?” 

    “Guess he want us outside?” By this time, Lily had woken up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. 

    “You finally came home huh?”

    “Yeah yeah come on outside I said!” The confused family started for the door and at a yelp from their mother, tears began to well up in the girl’s eyes. There sat a beautiful Ford Model A, the chrome of the wheels shiny and new. 

    “James Bennett Jr. Where the hell’d you get this from?” Their brother grinned somethin serious and went to open the door of the car. 

    “Ain’t y’all wanna look inside?” 

    “Not till you tell us where you got it.” Their father demanded, eyes stern and hard. 

    “I bought it Pa. Just like everybody else who wants a car.”

    “And where you get this money from to buy this car huh?”

    “Same place I got the money to buy Lilian and Kira new shoes and some dresses. Ma, I got you that icebox you been wantin and a nice cast iron skillet too.” 

    “Boy hold on now hold on! Answer ya daddy now! Where you get this from?”

    “I worked hard for it Ma.”

    “When?”

    “All them times I went down to Atlanta, I was workin. Workin to give y’all all this. A car so y’all don’t have to walk. Shoes and dresses for the girls cause ladies don’t walk around in they bare feet and shreds…”

    “Jimmy… you ain’t makin no sense… what work you don did that bought alla this?” Lily asked, coming to touch some of the dresses he’d bought. 

    “Don’t ask questions lil girl. Take what I bought you and ya sister now. Gon try on them dresses.” Puzzled, they did as told and went into the house, leaving their mother and father to grill him with questions which he continued to dodge. Trying on a pretty floral cotton dress, she looked up at her sister who looked just as confused and unsure as her. 

    “What you think he don did Lil?” She asked as Lil zipped up a mustard yellow floral dress, throat tight. 

    “I don’t know but none of this is sittin right with me. The man didn’t even have money to treat us for lunch when he got back last time. Where the hell he get this money from?” 

    “Lily! Kira! Come on gals, we wanna see ya!” 

    “We gon ask him later.”

    “Hell yeah we are.” She never much cursed but this was too much. She needed answers. 

*** 

    “Start talkin.” 

    “I told you not to ask questions.”

    “We damn well will James Burnett Jr!” 

    “Your mouf don got so fresh since you been readin them magazines I swear ta Gawd.”

    “Damn that. How you afford all this? Tell us what’s going on Jimmy!” Pushing his curls back from his face, he sighed and it sounded real heavy. Like he had a lot on his mind. 

    “I’ve been nothin but a fuck up since I was born. I can’t seem to do anything right. The only thing I got is this light skin, good hair and green eyes. But what did this shit ever really get me? Ain’t nobody tell me you had to be light and smart to go places. They told me all I had to do was show up.” 

    “Yeah well you found out wrong. Hell, had you played ya cards right you coulda been one of the Talented Tenth! You coulda been goin to Morehouse or Morris Brown! Coulda been learnin somethin actually useful other than how ta fuck women.” 

    “Lilian watch your mouth you hear me!”

    “I’m sick of being told to be quiet. Specially when you make a damn fool outta yourself. Now look here, all this here…who’d you steal it from?”

    “I ain’t stole a gatdamn thing and you watch the way you talkin to me lil girl.” Lily grew flushed with anger, her freckles looking like fire had been lit underneath them. 

    “Jimmy…we know what happened…”

    “Tell me then Kira. What happened?”

    “You got into it with some whites right?”

    “Who told you that?” She bit her lip. She wasn’t gonna out June Bug…so she’d stay quiet on that one. 

    “I asked you a question girl.”

    “One of yo friends did. He told us all about it. How you been goin down there pickin fights and screwin the vanilla wafers that be lookin for some negro meat.” 

    “Lilian I swear ta gawd…”

    “Jimmy…please. We’re just concerned…” She tried the gentler approach and it seemed to be working because he took another sigh. 

    “I got into trouble that I did.”

    “Is it anything you can get outta?” She asked, reaching for his hand. He took it and squeezed it before kissing the back of it. 

    “I honestly don’t know.”

    “Jimmy…” 

    “Look, I just… I just wanted to do somethin right for once. Hell if I had it my way this damn house would be paid for and sold and y’all be and moved into one of them big ass mansions like them white bastards got. Shit, we deserve nice shit too. I’m tired of living like scum and it ain’t fittin for y’all girls to be walkin around with no gatdamn shoes.” They were quiet as he stood, sifting nervous fingers one last time through his hair. 

    “Look, I can’t stay all night. I gotta go meet up with the boys.”

    “Don’t go out there this late Jimmy. Please.” She begged, the nauseous feeling hitting her in waves. 

    “Don’t you worry now. Y’all girls gon back to bed.” Standing up, he pressed kisses to each of their foreheads and smiled at them, white teeth blazing and all. 

    “I’ll see y’all soon hear? Make sure Ma and Pa actually take the car out for a drive. Be sure to wear them dresses and get good use outta them shoes.” Getting up, he closed the door behind him. For a reason unexplainable to her, tears started welling up in her eyes. 

    “Lily…”

    “Yeah?” Her voice sounded defeated… tired. 

    “Why did that sound final?” For the longest time, Lily stared out the window, into the darkness of the night. 

    “I don’t know Kira. I don’t damn well know.” 

*** 

    “Oh Gawd what’s gonna happen?”

    “I don’t know but we needa be gettin to bed.”

    “Come on Fronnie you wanna know just as bad as I do!”

    “Yeah but sleep is more important right now. We got the rest of the weekend to read up. Besides, I don’t want Gam to start feelin neglected. Ion want her thinkin we came here just to be up here in the attic readin through her personal journal. She wouldn’t like that much anyway.”

    “Yeah..”

    “Come on baby sistah. Let’s go to bed.” 

    “Fine.” But it was funny that the same feeling of nausea that her Gam had that night she now had and it would not let her loose. 

“Gammy, let’s go to the beach today! It’s nice and sunny out!” The old frail woman sat in a rocking chair on her massive wraparound porch, the breeze picking up her curls, those that had escaped her updo. 

    “Beach you say?”

    “Yeah!”

    “Ain’t no beach in Georgia Tangie girl. Where ya mind at chile?” 

    “We got plenty of em now Gammy!”

    “Plenty you say?”

    “Yes ma’am.” Those grey eyes of hers were distant, not particularly focusing on either one of them. They drifted past her and she felt a chill go through her as the woman’s eyes suddenly grew wide and watery, filled with terror. She screamed, loud enough to bring their Momma from the kitchen. 

    “What’s wrong Mama?” She asked, coming to take hold of the shaken up woman. 

    “There’s that fruit again. It never go away. Never go away.” She all be sobbed, tears starting to fall from her eyes. 

    “What fruit Gammy?” Looking up into Fronnie’s eyes, she felt tears of her own blur her vision. 

    “That strange fruit. That bitter fruit.” Is all the woman said before their mother motioned for Fronnie to help her stand her up. 

    “I think that’s enough air for now huh Mama? Why don’t we go back inside and I fix you a nice lil lunch hm?”

    “That fruit never leaves. It will always be there…” She mumbled as her Momma and  sister led her into the house. That nauseous feeling had persisted all throughout the night and even now it was there, sitting low in her stomach. Licking her lips, she soon came into the house. She had to find out what happened to great uncle Jimmy. And somethin told her she wasn’t gon like it. 

*** 

    That summer so much happened in such a short period of time. I never got a chance to process it or recover from it. Lily had been accepted into Spelman College and was set to start that up and coming fall. Couple months away. The dresses and shoes Jimmy had bought her had definitely served a purpose. But…but she still never quite understood what happened and why. And likewise. I still to this day have questions that I’ll have to take unanswered to my grave. 

*** 

    When she’d woken up that morning, she felt sick. At any moment, she felt like she would throw up. Mama had made her some herbal concoction promising that it would soothe her upset stomach but it did nothing. An hour or two later it came back with full force. 

    “Kira, why don’t we go hang out with June Bug today?” The mere mention of his name set her cheeks to cherry red and a low stirring heat that pooled up like a flood in between her legs. 

    “A-Ah…I-I don’t know…” Lily’s eyebrows shot up incredulously. 

    “YOU don’t wanna hang out with June Bug?”

    “I didn’t say that..it’s just…”

    “What the hell happened at that waterin hole? Every since y’all came back, you been Miss Rosy Cheeks every time somebody mention him. Don’t think I ain’t noticed that. You be puttin real far distance ‘tween y’all and that’s not like you. You practically stay up under the man.”

    “No I don’t Lily and you know it.”

    “Since you was a chile you have.”

    “Well I ain’t one no more!” Something seemed to click and Lily grinned slow like a cheshire. 

    “Ahhh I get it now.”

    “What’s there to git?”

    “He finally saw you as a woman didn’t he? You wasn’t lookin like a lil girl no mo and he noticed.” She was quiet, cheeks on fire. 

    “With that sheer slip you had on, it’s no wonder. He was forced to. Everythin you had was on full display.”    

    “Lily stop.”

    “I’m callin it like it is okay?”

    “Yeah well don’t.”

    “And you like him. You like him mighty bad doncha?”

    “Lily.”

    “He likes you too. Gawd that’s cute as all hell.”

    “He can’t like me and I can’t like him Lily. You know that.”

    “And why the hell not?”

    “In case you forgot…he’s Oriental. Ain’t no Oriental race mixin with no Negra. It ain’t heard of and never will be.” 

    “So you wanna race mix with him huh?” 

    “Oh for Gawd’s sake Lily I’m not talkin to you no mo.” Her sister’s laughter surrounded the shack. 

    “He ain’t just any Oriental and you know it Kira Burnett. He’s your best friend, born and raised Georgia man, your June Bug. OUR June Bug.” She still hadn’t turned around, arms crossed, tryna ignore her. 

    “His own kind ain’t want him. Have you forgotten that? His own people abandoned him and gave him to the Negros. Can you imagine that? Not being wanted by your own people? Havin to be taken in as an orphan to a strange people that’s not like you? But boy did we love him. Boy did we raise him up mighty fine and good. Boy ain’t he growed up to be a fine Oriental Negro man?” She was quiet, her sister’s words striking deep within her. 

    “We as a people got a good heart. We take anybody in that ain’t wanted. Cause we know what that’s like. We know what it’s like to be thrown out like trash and told we ain’t shit. Joon grew up in the best place possible. Here with the Negros. Yeah we got it hard and this life ain’t shit but at least we got love. At least we got each other. As far as I’m concerned, Joon more Negro than some Negros. He ain’t Oriental to me. He just June Bug.”

    “But that’s the thing. He might act like us but he ain’t one of us.”

    “When’d you start soundin like them damn white devils Kira?” The harshness of Lily’s voice made her twist around, a shocked expression on her face. 

    “What?”

    “June Bug will ALWAYS be one of us. No matter what his skin look like or what his eyes look like. He kin to me and he kin to you. Don’t you dare forget that.” Leaving her stunned, Lily stormed out of the house, heading for the road. 

    “I’m gon to the post office. I be back hear?”

    “Y-yeah.”

    “I see you later sistah.”

    “O-Okay Lil.” 

***

    “Can you imagine how Joon felt Tani girl?” She balled up her lips and the thought of it made her want to cry. 

    “I imagine it felt horrible. Like you never really fit or never really belong.”

    “When I think about his parents, I wonder what they were thinking. When their newborn son came and they saw that he had lips bigger than what was perceived as normal. Or perhaps his eyes were a bit smaller than they expected. Maybe he was born out of rape. We’ll never know his story.” Kotani gave a thoughtful pause. 

    “Told by the whites that he was more human than the blacks but not nearly enough musta been hard. And being told by the blacks that he was privileged, thought he was too good and was tryna be white musta been hard too. In either place, he probably didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. All throughout his life, he probably still felt like that orphan. The one nobody wanted.”

    “Gammy wanted him.” Saffron smiled warmly and picked up the journal, looking lovingly at the pages. 

    “Yeah. She did. Out of everybody… she wanted him.” 

    “It’s your turn to read Fronnie.” Licking her lips, she gave a brief nod. 

*** 

    He’d been tossing and turning at night. Somethin wasn’t right but he couldn’t figure out just what it was. 

    “Joon?” Glancing down at his lovely little Kira girl, he straightened up and gave a warm smile. 

    “Yeah pretty gal?”

    “What you thinkin bout? You not normally this quiet.” They walked up the side of the dirt road, destination no where in particular. It didn’t matter where they went. As long as they were together. He knew the danger of negro women being alone any time of the day and was not about to have somethin happen to her. No, he’d stick with her for as long as he needed to to be sure she was okay. 

    “It’s nothin. Just that I’m starvin.”

    “Oh yeah?” He grinned, poking her forehead in a teasing manner. 

    “That’s what I said ain’t it?”

    “Listen you ain’t gotta get smart.”

    “What you gonna do about it?” He teased further, lifting his eyebrow. 

    “Boy gon somewhere now.” She said, pushing him away but he caught the slight smirk that danced up on her lips. 

    “You ain’t answer my question lil girl.” He said, playfully reaching for her.     

    “Nothin. Somebody else gon get you together.”

    “Oh, so you backin out huh? ‘Fraidy cat.” He lifted her up in his arms and twirled her around, bringing loud eruptive laughter from her. 

    “JOON PUT ME DOWN…MY GAWD.”

    “Say please and I might.” He whispered into her ear. She gripped his forearms a tad bit tighter. 

    “Please?”

    “Please what?”

    “Please put me down.” Satisfied, her feet slowly touched the ground again but that didn’t mean he had to let go of her just yet. The moment between them was shattered as a loud shrill whistle cut through the air, forcing them apart. 

    “Well well well. Look what we have here. A little love tryst goin on.” A white man suddenly approached them, apparently having been tailing them the entire time. How the hell could he not have noticed? 

    “We don’t mean no trouble.” She spoke, eyes instantly on the ground. The feisty tone of before was gone and she was quiet again, meek and incredibly jumpy. Ready to get away. Ready to run. Grabbing his hand, she tried to walk up but the man ran up in front of her, stopping her. 

    “Where the hell you think you goin nigger bitch?” He could feel his nostrils flare and his chest grow tight. 

    “You don’t have to talk to her like that. We know ya mama raised you betta.” The hate filled gaze slid from her to him. 

    “Yeah let’s get to you now.” Squaring him up, he pushed him back… almost forcing Kira to fall with him. 

    “You definitely ain’t a nigger. But you real friendly with them. Hang out with them. It’s like you one of em.” He pulled himself up off of the ground, dust sprinkled in his hair. 

    “So my question to you is what the hell are you?” She watched him stiffen and instantly went to reach for his arm. 

    “June Bug c’mon.” But he didn’t come on. Instead, he took in the white man who had challenged him, nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. 

    “You don’t know shit about me but I can tell you just what you are. A evil white son of a bitch.” He shot back real nice and easy, ignoring the sharp yank of his hand. He’d dropped the vernacular used with Kira and opted for a more proper… formal and intelligent approach. He wanted this fucker to know he was smarter than he appeared. No matter who he hung out with. 

    “So you a uppity mothafucka huh? Being around these damn niggers ain’t doin you no good. If anything, it’ll get you into a lot of big trouble.” 

    “Your English is God awful. I can’t take you fucking serious.” 

    “Joon….stop it. C’mon now I said.” Her tone was a bit more forceful this time but all he had in his sight was the grinning smirking pale faced sonabitch who had eyes of the devil.

    “You might wanna listen to the darkie bitch and go on your way before you end up in trouble.” 

    “Your crinkled up saggy titty’d mama fucked one. And I bet you a million she liked it.” His Southern drawl always grew thick as honey when he was pissed and it was like molasses right about now. The white man grew redder than a hot coal fire and spit at him but before he could charge at him, she squeezed herself in between the both of them, hands on his chest. 

    “Chanjoon!” She never used his full name but damn it he wasn’t listenin. His eyes snapped down to hers. 

    “Let’s. Go.” She said, starting to push him back. He let her but his eyes drifted back up to the man who now openly oogled her, eyes lingering on her backside. 

    “This somethin I ain’t never seen. An Oriental looking son of a bitch fucking niggers.” His throat was tight and he didn’t speak, just stared at him, gaze growing in intensity. Fists wanting to punch that lust right out of him.

    “You’re lucky you got to her first. With an ass like that, I’d definitely have fucked her good and hard once or twice.” Licking his lips, his gaze drifted back up her body. 

    “Might’ve even shot my seed in her. I hear nigger women got the tightest little pussies. Heard the dark ones have holes that are cherry red and dripping with juice.” 

    “Fuck you you pig faced cocksucker!” She gripped his shirt now, trying to keep him from attacking him. 

    “Just take me home. Please. Take me home.” She all but pleaded against his chest, soft enough for him to hear. 

    “Take your pretty little negra home boy before somethin mean happen to her. Have half a mind to take her right about now.” He let her pull him further and further away from the man, eyes never once leaving his, his taunting smirk making his blood boil. When the trees blocked him from their view, they began to run. 

    Sweat sticking to them like flies to molasses, they ran until their feet begged for wait, until they saw her parents house in sight. He panted, lifting fingers to push back damp black hair from his face. 

    “Kira-” She shut him up with a hard slap across the cheek. 

    “You tryna get us killed?!” She hollered at him, eyes filling up with hot angry tears. Jaw tight, his eyes found hers from underneath the spray of hair that misted across his face from the hit. 

    “It’s so easy for you to forget your place ain’t it? You could pass tomorrow and wouldn’t nobody well know.”

    “I couldn’t pass at all and you know it Kira.”

    “IT DON’T MATTER. I’m nothin like you and you ain’t nothin like me. Simple as that.” 

    “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

    “You heard me. You at any moment can decide to challenge them white people and still have your life. You don’t have to worry about being afraid to go to sleep for fear that somebody gon take you in the middle of the night. You don’t have to worry about always havin to have a man with you for fear that if you look at one even one time you’ll be taken like a savage and left for dead or worse be dead. You can sleep nice and sound knowing that when you wake up, you got your color.” He shoved his hair out of his eyes, taking her in entirely now. 

    “So now it’s my fault? Now you’re blaming me right?”

    “Joon-”

    “It’s not my fault and I won’t let you do that to me Kira. I’m not to blame.”

    “You act like you ain’t never been raised in the south… Georgia for that matter! You should know better! Should know not to do that! You tryna get me lynched is what you tryna do. Get me raped and hung from a tree like an animal. Ain’t you never learned? When you around whites, you shut up, don’t look them in the eye and stay out the way. When’d you forget?” She wrapped arms around herself. 

    “If you wanna be a Negro so bad you better start actin like a sensible one!” She’d never seen him so angry but he literally trembled with it, every muscle tight with tension. He glared at her for the longest time before he barked out in a chilling tone, 

    “I ain’t tryna be nobody but myself and the minute you get that through your hard head the better you’ll be. I can’t fucking fix you Kira. I won’t try to. You have to learn to do shit for yourself and figure out who the fuck you wanna be. I can’t do that shit for you. Kill tha fuckin attitude and figure out what you fucking want!”

    “Don’t you dare curse at me Jung Chanjoon!” She screamed, pushing his chest. His nostrils flared but he brought eyes to hers.

    “I ain’t tried to do nothin but protect you Kira. I’m bein punished for doin what’s only natural to me.” He tried gentler. Turning on her heel, she began to walk away from him. 

    “We’re not finished here. Don’t walk away from me.” He said, grabbing her arm. 

    “No, we are finished! It’s my house I can do what I please. Let me go.”

    “No.”

    “Don’t make me slap you again Joon. I swear ta Gawd.”

    “Do it then.”

    “What?” He brought her closer, expression within his eyes intense and dark.

    “You heard me.”

    “You’ve lost your eva lovin mind.”

    “Maybe I have.” Before she could talk back, he kissed her, knocking the breath out of her. In broad daylight, they risked so much but he’d stopped caring about that. He no longer gave a shit. She could call him a bastard, a fool, a crazy cotton eyed son of a bitch and he’d still risk everything for it…for this…. for them. He loosened his grip on her arm a little bit and instead wrapped arms around her, making sure she didn’t escape him. She’d have to really fight him to get loose this time. Pulling herself away from his lips, a blush spread like wildfire through her cheeks. 

    “What…what are you…doin?” She asked, voice breathy, tone confused. 

    “Somethin I shoulda done when I came home and saw you again. Somethin I shoulda did at the lake. Hell, somethin I shoulda did a long time ago before now.” He said quietly, forehead pressed against hers.  

    “J-Joon…I-”

    “Your Momma and Daddy should be comin back from the crop any minute now.” He let her go completely and she hadn’t moved or taken her eyes off him yet, a dreamy dazed look still melted into her features. He swallowed thickly, pinching the skin of his palm to keep from kissing her again. Doing more than he should. Those grey eyes of hers could tempt a man to go straight to hell. 

    “Pray Jimmy comes back soon. He needs to know what happened.”

    “W-wait…Joon…”

    “See you later Kira girl.” 

*** 

    The girls were mind blown, caught up in the emotion of it all. Tani rejoiced at their first kiss while Fronnie analyzed the depth of their conversation. 

    “That was intense wasn’t it?”

    “Yeah. He made a lotta valid points.”

    “Yeah. But their kiss was so passionate I could practically see it…” Fronnie smirked. 

    “I’m… sure.”

    “That white man said some awful things about Gammy.”

    “Yeah things you don’t ever need to tell Momma you know about okay? I swear I ain’t gettin in trouble because you decided to be curious.”

    “Oh come on, Momma ain’t gon find out if you don’t tell her. I ain’t.”

    “Hm.”

    “I can’t believe white people were like this back then. They were… were…”

    “Evil? Full of hatred? Sadistic monsters?” Fronnie supplied, scowl on her face. 

    “Ion know… maybe. But harborin hate for em ain’t no better. Momma ain’t raise us to hate them. No matter what they did to Gammy.” Fronnie pursed her lips. 

    “Yeah yeah.”

    “Give it here. My turn to read.” 

*** 

    “You did what?” 

    “Lily I ain’t repeatin myself.”

    “Nawl I need you to. Just one more time.” Sighing, she licked her bottom lip. 

    “We kissed each other.” Lily all but screeched to high heaven, coming to shake her. 

    “THANK GAWD. FINALLY. It took a white man almost killin y’all to bring it outta y’all. DAMN.”

    “Listen, if you gon make fun, I ain’t tellin you anythin else.”

    “Aw come on Kira don’t be like that. I gotta know all this stuff fore I head to college now.”

    “Hmph.”

    “I told you he likes you and you like him didn’t I?” 

    “Yeah yeah yeah.”

    “Y’all was meant to be together.”

    “In what world?” She asked harshly, killing Lily’s romantic mood. For once, Lily was quiet… almost somber. 

    “Kira…sometimes…sometimes you gotta fight for what you want in life baby sistah.” 

    “Fight?”

    “Yes. Fight. Sometimes to the death.”

    “You sayin I should fight to be with Joon? Am I hearin you right?” 

    “If you love him and it’s real…which I know it is…then yes. That’s exactly what I’m sayin.” 

    “What if I don’t wanna fight? What if I wanna stay in my place and try to live a life as uncomplicated as possible? Our lives are already messed up Lily. I don’t know if I wanna complicate it even more by…by liking…lovin him.” 

    “Well then you need to let him go and give him up to a woman who will.” She left it at that and after patting her shoulder, got up to go put on her shoes. 

    “I’m goin to look for James. It’s been two weeks now and he still ain’t come home.” Reeling from her words, she forced herself to get up and get some shoes on too. She was quiet and contemplative as they headed out, hand in hand, a knife tucked against each of their bosoms. It wasn’t dark yet but it was getting ready to be and they both were not gonna chance it. Tonight, Mama and Papa were pulling overtime on the field of another property so they’d be gone. It was up to them to find him. 

*** 

    As they stepped into the forest, they heard branches crackle and turned to find Joon and their brother’s friends all comin up behind them. 

    “Where y’all come from?”

    “We wanted to look for Jimmy. It ain’t like him to be gone this long.” The one called Frog said, eying the woods wearily. 

    “We knew y’all would come lookin for him so we figured we’d give y’all a helpin hand case anythin get rough.” Joon spoke, eyes looking dead at her. She swallowed, heart starting to beat wildly in her cbest like a bird in a birdcage. She hadn’t seen him since it…happened. 

    “Joon you know us too well don’t you?” Lily said with a smile.

    “Been around y’all long enough.”  

    “Okay then I say we head west since we east. Look around for a lil bit and them head home before the sun sets. Sound like a deal?”

    “Sure does.”

    “Okay let’s go.” She tried to be the first one to scamper away but his hand pulled her back. 

    “I’m gettin tired of you runnin away from me lil girl.” He said, more serious than not but a small smirk starting to appear anyway. 

    “I…I ain’t runnin.”

    “You say that every time but them legs of yours try to get ta movin.” She couldn’t help it, the laugh that came from her. Despite the fluttering heart…and nerves…he still had a way of makin her feel…nice and comfortable. She sighed, looking around some before he pulled her to a stop. 

    “A man and woman who are mature talk about things Kira.” 

    “What’s there to talk about?”

    “There’s a lot to talk about and you know it.” Biting her bottom lip, she looked away from him, focusing on a leaf or two. 

    “Then enlighten me.” 

    “Your feelins for me.”

    “Oh?”

    “My feelins for you.” Her cheeks grew red but still she didn’t look at him. 

    “The kiss that happened ‘tween us.”

    “About that-”

    “We need to talk about my thinkin about it over and over again. Wantin to do it again. Do more than kiss you.” 

    “Joon,”

    “No, it has to be said. It has to be discussed.”

    “Or what? Say we don’t discuss it. Then what?” His eyes were different… the way he looked at her was different. In the moment, the sunlight streamin through the trees and hittin them, they reflected the feeling in her stomach, the warmth that seemed to melt like candle wax right in the juncture between her thighs. It was all there and it was all real. 

    “Then I won’t be held accountable for takin you the way I want to. Don’t wanna hear a word about it.” The breath came up from her throat and it squeaked, taking her by surprise. her womanhood throbbed and she wasn’t aware that she was panting. 

    “Joon…we…we gotta think about this…think about…what…what could happen.”

    “A lot of wonderful things will happen Kira. Believe me.” 

    “Kira! Joon! Where y’all at?” She couldn’t bring herself to pull herself away from him, his body heat enticing, engulfing…threatening to overwhelm her. 

    “Comin! Comin…” 

    “We need to talk.” It wasn’t a request. It was a demand, spoken softly but firmly. He was serious. He wasn’t playin, she could see that. 

    “O-Okay. We…we can t-talk. Later though…” 

    “Right now, we need to find your brother. Later it is.”

    “Y-yeah.” Fingers still tightly gripped together, they headed in the direction of Lily’s voice and the search resumed. 

*** 

    He’d let her roam away from him, breaths deep and calm. He’d gotten his thoughts off of his chest and he wasn’t going to dare lie or hide them. Kira would know just what he felt, when he felt it and how. He’d always been a honest man and that wasn’t gonna change any time soon. Glancing up, into the trees, he bit his lower lip. He knew she was scared. Scared of the what ifs. The what mays. And perhaps he was foolish for not caring. He’d loved her for a long damn time and he was not going to live with the regret of not telling her or showing her. The time to be a pussy was out. She didn’t need a weak man. She needed a strong level headed one, one who would put her in her place when she got out of it. Someone who would love her unconditionally and faithfully. All of which he was more than willing to do. He’d be whatever she needed him to be. 

    Growing up, she needed a best friend. She needed a protector. She needed a brother. But now… now she needed something else. She needed a lover. A provider. A confidant. A soulmate. And gawddamn it he was gonna be all of it and more. Licking his lips, he froze in his tracks as suddenly a shrill scream rippled through the woods. Kira. 

    “Kira!” He ran in the direction of her voice and voice Lily and her on their knees, eyes lifted up, eyes filled with horror. 

    “Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior!” Lily moaned, rocking back and forth. Lifting eyes, he felt the breath leave him. A pair of tawny feet dangled above them, dried blood having trickled all the way down to his ankles. Further up the decaying body, the word N-I-G-G-E-R had been carved into his stomach and his gentalia had been brutally hacked off, uneven pieces of flesh and a gaping hole left. 

    “Jimmy….Oh Jimmy…” The sisters held each other as they took in the peeled and flayed flesh that had been sliced off, leaving the muscle and sinew behind. Lily broke away and started to retch, the smell hitting her. Frog and Dipp joined her, the contents of their stomachs soon meeting the cool soil. Scat just stared, eyes unmoving and unblinking. His mouth was wide open and they were growing watery. 

    The savagery of it wasn’t complete without the eyes, those beautiful celadon eyes that once had twinkled with laughter, with mischief, with life and with love when he thought of his sisters and his family. They’d been plucked out and taken with whoever had done this. His ears had both been cut off and his lips had been removed and nose smashed in. If the bloodlust wasn’t enough, they’d cut and peeled his scalp off, taking the head of luscious curls away…possibly as a trophy. Flies had already made their nest inside of his sockets and they swarmed around him, the buzzing deafening. That did it for him and he couldn’t help the vomit that came up and spilled over. 

    It was his first witness of a lynching and he hoped to God that it would be his last. Tears fell from his eyes silently and he clutched the dirt before lifting, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Kira. He had to make get to Kira. Somehow, he managed to move, his legs determined to get to her. 

    “Kira…” She hadn’t moved. She had remained crouched on the ground, directly below his feet, rocking herself and moaning lowly…grief oozing from her. 

    “Kira…l-look at me sweetheart.” She wasn’t hearing him… how could she when the buzz of the flies swarmed above her? He knelt behind her and wrapped arms around her. She jumped in his arms and the terror that stared back at him when she turned to look at him sent chills up and down his spine. Wide and full of fear, full of grief, disbelief and anger, she cried silently, tears spilling down dark brown cheeks. Cheeks that looked a little ashen now. 

    “Jimmy….Jimmy is…he’s…dead?” Almost as if she couldn’t believe it. He pulled her tightly against him, pressing his face against her curls. 

    “I’m…I’m so sorry sweetheart…” His voice seemed to cause the trance to break and she began to scream, crying loudly into his chest. Her fingers gripped his shirt until they pulled at it and her screams turned into anguished wails of deep sorrow. 

    “Jimmyyyy……J-J-Jimmy….” He squeezed his eyes shut and even though it hurt for him to speak, he did. He did to keep her with him. 

    “I’m so sorry baby…I’m sorry….” Lily had stopped throwing up and she lifted up from the moist soil, eyes leaking tears. 

    “Lil…come here…come here honey.” He called, welcoming the press of her body against his. She too began to sob openly, freely against his shoulder and he held on tight to the girls with all his might. 

    “Joon…We…we should c-cut him down or somethin…” Dipp said, coming behind him, hands shaky. 

    “Yeah…that’s…that’s a good idea.” 

    “Here…” Lily reached into the collar of her dress and pulled out a knife wrapped in a towel, handing it to him. She didn’t ask Kira for hers, instead, opened her dress enough to remove it. Buttoning her back up, she handed them both to him. 

    “Dipp. Scat. Frog.” He said, sniffling as he stood. 

    “We’re gonna get you down my friend. Get you d-down and g-give you a burial you deserve.” Frog said in between tears. It took all three of them to finally get the rope to sever and they all moved out of the way as Jimmy’s body came crashing down to the ground. The smell overwhelmed them now with him being on ground level and it was too much for them to take. 

    “We gotta come back.”

    “Fuck yeah let’s get the girls and get outta here.” Kira still hadn’t moved and that was okay with him. 

    “Come on sweet girl. Let’s get you home. Let’s get you safe and sound.” He said, lifting her up into his arms. She let him, arm tiredly coming around his neck. 

    “Joon…”

    “Shh…” She pressed her face into his neck and he lifted her up a little more, securing a good solid grip on her. 

    “Lily Bean…” He turned to see Scat carrying her limp body. 

    “She…she fuckin passed out…” 

    “Don’t drop her. Hold on to her good.”

    “Yeah.” They had Dipp place markers so they could come find him tomorrow. Hopefully by then, they’d have him buried. He didn’t want his Ma and Pa to see him like this. It would be cruel to subject them to the sight of their only son’s savage inhumane lynching. For now, he needed to get his girls home…before it grew dark. 

*** 

    Her voice trembled on the last word of the entry and for the longest moment, neither one of them could speak, tears running down their cheeks. They cried until they ran out of tears and she let Fronnie hug her tightly. 

    “P-P-Poor Gammy…” She sobbed, lifting to wipe her eyes. 

    “I…I think…I need a minute Kotani. I…this is too much to handle right now…” She watched as her sister stood up and left her alone in the attic, clutching the journal. Glancing down at it, she made out the tiniest manuscript at the very bottom of the page. 

Rest in POWER James Burnett Jr.

    My brother’s murder was a turning point for me. At that point, it no longer mattered about being light skin and being dark skin. Light skin no longer provided the protection I’d always been brought up believing it did. Perhaps it never did. At the end of the day, to the white man, you were a nigger. No matter what shade of brown you were. I wasn’t right for a while after that. It took me a long time just to learn how to function again. But when I did… I came out with my head held high. I wouldn’t give those white bastards the joy of seeing me live to die and die to live. No, I’d give Jimmy the respect he deserved and continue to live on. 

*** 

     Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Five

Summer 

    “Kira, June Bug’s outside for you.” Licking her lips, she wiped hands on her dress and came to the door, replacing her mother. He smiled up at her, hands in his pockets. He sported a becoming haircut, small waves framing his face. He wore a nice tweed blazer and slacks, pocket watch hanging from his pocket. He looked so very handsome. 

    “My, where is it you’re goin?” He chuckled some. 

    “I’ve just come back from my trip.” 

    “Ahhh I see.”

    “Yeah.”

    “Well…how was it? Where’d you go this time?” She asked, folding her arms back behind her. 

    “New York.” She bit her lip but that quickly ended when he reached up and gripped her by the waist. 

    “I’ve missed you pretty gal.” 

    “I missed you too.” He lifted her up and she wrapping arms around his neck falling into his arms some. 

    “You look good. Better than the last I saw you.” He spoke softly, eyes intense and dark, his gaze keeping her captive. Feeling her heart pulse into her ears, she gave him a quick sweet little peck on the cheek, more than mindful of her mother’s prying eyes. 

    “You too.” He chuckled before that famous June Bug grin danced on his full rosy lips. 

    “I thought we were past cheek kisses Kira girl.” He teased as she giggled against him, allowing him to place her back up onto the porch. 

    “Well you’ve been gone for a year so you gotta work your way back up to them other kinda kisses now don’t you?” Licking his lips, he met her eyes. 

    “Can’t wait lil gal.” He replied with a wink. Biting her lip, she cleared her throat, feeling the eyes of her parents digging into her back. 

    “You’re stayin for dinner right?”

    “If you want me to.”

    “I do.”

    “Then I will sweetheart.” Smiling at him, she outstretched her hand, waitin until he took it and pulled himself up onto the wooden planks. 

    “Is that my June Bug all growed up?” Her Mama called from inside. 

    “Yes ma’am.” He replied in a humble tone, cheeks warm. Holding onto her hand, he entered into the home that felt lively again. Finally after so long of being cold and dark. Empty. It felt good to be in the familiar space. His home away from home away from home.

    “Come on here and sit down here. Tell us bout your travels.”

    “Yes ma’am.” He dropped to the floor with no complaint or care, crossing his legs Indian style. 

    “How you been?” 

    “I’ve been mighty fine. Just got back from up North.”

    “Oh where you went to?”

    “New York.”

    “Oh that’s the big BIG city ain’t it?” He laughed gently. 

    “Yes ma’am.”

    “You look a lot better Chanjoon. Healthier.”

    “Thank you suh.” He addressed her father with a nod. 

    “I think we all needed that time to be by ourselves respectively. We all needed time ta heal from what happened.”

    “Mmhm.”

    “I took my time reflectin, healin and learnin. I needed that time to clear ma head and map out what I wanna do in life.”

    “Good. Good man.”

    “Yes suh.” 

    “You still in school baby?” Her mama asked, lifting to wipe a bead of sweat from her brow. 

    “Yes ma’am. Still studyin. I lucked up and got an endorsement by the Pullman Company for tuition…so I’m goin all expenses paid.” The three of them’s eyes grew wide with shock and her mouth for one dropped open. 

    “Oh my Gawd Joon…”

    “That’s amazin baby!”

    “Proud of you son.” Laughing sheepishly, he lifted a hand to sift through the hair on the back of his head. 

    “Thank you… I want to become a doctor Gawd willin. My target focus will be for the minorities in the country. Folks that look like you an me and need quality care. We need more stuff for us don’t we?”

    “That’s right son. Real right.” 

    “A noble boy you is huh?” Her mama praised, beaming proudly at his aspirations. There were only two women she’d seen that made him sheepish and that was his mama and her mama. It was the cutest thing, watchin him blush. Her June Bug… blushin. Unheard of but a joy to watch anyway. Her mama winked at her, bringing a blush of her own to her. 

    “How y’all been doin back here at home? I missed everythin bout sweet ol Georgia.” He said with a grin, stealin a glance at her. Her parents watched the exchange, Mama smiling knowingly and Papa strokin his beard. 

    “We been a’right. Losin our son was hard. The ache ain’t neva gon go away for me but I gotta be strong for my man and my girls. I don survived so much in this life a mine. I figured I can survive this too.” 

    “We get through it together.”

    “Yessuh.”

    “And you suh?” He asked, lookin her Daddy right in the eye. Her father continued to stroke his beard and looked between the two of them.

    “What can I say? I got my woman and my girls. Lost my boy but seems God saw fit to give us another one.” She grew a deeper shade of rouge and her father chuckled. 

    “Kira you gon turn into a tamato keep blushin like that girl.” She flushed, grabbing their cups that laid on little saucers. 

    “Daddy it’s hot out is all. Y’all want some more lemonade?”

    “Sure baby. In the ice box.” 

    “Mmkay.” Avoiding their eyes, she scurried away, bringing a chuckle to the three. 

    “You always been like a brotha to Jimmy. Y’all was the same age an all. And with what growin up and lovin on our girls you damn near like a second son to us.” The weight of her father’s words fell heavy on her chest and she could only imagine what it was doin to June Bug’s. He hadn’t said anything yet, glancin down at his feet. 

    “Listen, since we all here… I wanna ask you. Man to man.” She hurried up and got the lemonade, flying back over to them. By the stern tone of voice, her Daddy was bout to say somethin serious. 

    “Yes suh.” Joon lifted his eyes to meet his. 

    “Do you love Kira?” She felt her cheeks burn but felt an overwhelming love the minute Joon reached over and took her hand in his. 

    “Yes suh. I do.” James Burnett Sr. nodded. 

    “I thought so.” They were all quiet for a while before her Papa spoke again. 

    “I could see it develop between y’all but I wanted to see if it was real.”

    “Understood.”

    “I don’t doubt you as a man Chanjoon. Let’s be clear about that.” The fact that he used his full name not once but twice made him sit up straighter. 

    “Jimmy’s death did somethin to us all but I’m glad it brought you two together.” He squeezed her hand, making her smile.  

    “You’ve always been good to Kira. Good to Lily and Tommasina too. You’re a good young man.” Though his blush was faint he looked her Daddy in the eyes, unafraid and unwavering. 

    “Thank you suh. That…That means a lot to me.”

    “Even so… I gotta ask. What do you want from her? Your intentions.” She finally looked at her Papa and found him starin at her. Licking her lips, she turned her gaze down meekly. 

    “I’m glad we’re talkin about it now because I wanted to ask you somethin.” That got her Papa’s attention and he brought his gaze back towards him. 

    “I am aware of a couple things… things that are painfully obvious and are unable to be changed. One being that fact that I am not a Negro man. This world is so cruel to set the rules that it has and I know her life would be simpler if she was with one.” He stroked the back of her hand. 

    “Two, I understand that Kira’s life is already hard enough as it is. Bein with me will make it harder. I’ve never wanted to inconveience you all. But one thing my mama always told me was to be true to myself. I’ve spent my whole life tryna figure out what I was…who I was. I wish I could say that it doesn’t matter in the end because we all know different.” He swallowed and looked up into her father’s eyes. 

    “I am who I am and there’s no changin that. But one thing about me that I hope y’all testify to is that I am a damn good man…I try to be…try to do right.” 

    “Joon,”

    “I want to ask your permission Mr. Bennett. To court Kira.” Her breath had been taken long time ago and she gripped his fingers tightly, feeling herself well up with emotion. 

    “Why do you want to court her?”

    “I intend to make her my wife one day and I can’t move forward without your permission.” Her Mama had grown teary and she swallowed thickly. 

    “June Bug…you…you know the risks you run goin down this road?” She asked gently, reaching for his hand. 

    “Yes ma’am and I accept em.”

    “People not goin to understand y’all. They will shun ya and turn ya away. They gon judge you and any children borne of the union. You know that.” 

    “With all due respect Mrs. Burnett… I’ve been shunned, turned away and judged my entire life up until this point. Some more ain’t gon make a good bit of difference.” At last, his eyes turned to hers and the conviction within them sent chills down her spine. 

    “If I can have Kira then it’ll be worth it.” Her Papa looked between them one last time. 

    “Kira, how do you feel about this?” Put on the spot, she felt her mouth dry up but she knew she had to speak. She hadn’t said anything aloud, about how or what she felt. But, now was the time. She sat up and took a deep breath. Lifting his hand, she pressed it to her cheek. 

    “I love him Daddy. Mama. I don’t know why and I ain’t tryna figure it out neither. He…He loves me just the same and he’ll take good care of me. You ain’t neva had to doubt him before when it came to me or Lily and you won’t have to goin forward.” He smiled at her, those beautiful white teeth shinin like a new penny. 

    “Joon told me before he left a year ago a promise he made to Jimmy.” That got their undivided attention. 

    “He told me Jimmy told him once that he trusted him. Trusted him with me. Trusted him with y’all, Lily… everythin. Y’all know Jimmy ain’t neva trusted nobody.” She licked her lips and spoke again, this time her voice louder. 

    “He promised Jimmy after he died that he would continue where he left off and I for one wanna help him make Jimmy proud. We owe that to him for his faith in us…” At that, her Mama started to weep, pressing the rag against her eyelids. Her Papa took a deep breath. 

    “You have my permission son.” She let his hand go and threw herself at her Papa. 

    “Thank you Daddy…thank you.” 

    “Just… be careful. Please. Be careful and mind yourselves. Only in that way will y’all make it. Ya Mama and I haven’t gotten this far bein alive and together bein reckless.” 

    “Thank you suh.”

    “You’ll be a good man to Kira.” 

*** 

    Kotani squealed, eyes welling up with tears. Fronnie hadn’t joined her this time, still reeling from the reading of their great uncle’s lynching. It had taken her a time too to process and grieve it. A man she’d never know… relative by blood having suffered that way. But, when she read of the future between her Gammy and her June Bug she grew optimistic… hopeful. Perhaps she was young and a bit of a romanticist but she truly believed that loved healed everythin. Eyes thirsty for the next entry, she hastily turned the page and began afresh, ready for more. 

*** 

    I remember our talk as if it was yesterday. Right before he left to New York…still a girl of 17 suns…he’d caught me up as I was headin into town. Of course I didn’t want any trouble so I went. It was hard bein so honest when I wanted to lie. I wanted to deny for the briefest second that I didn’t love him. I didn’t want the life loving him would entail. But, my heart had chosen...no...decided that Jung Chanjoon was worth its love and I was enslaved to it and to him by way of his lips afterwards. As a woman of 18 suns however, I had made it my mission to try to be true to myself and to my feelings… I couldn’t let my dear brother’s sacrifice go to waste. 

*** 

    “You ready sweetheart? The train’ll be leavin in about three hours and we don’t wanna miss it.” 

    “Yeah I’m comin. Lemme get the dresses you bought me.” Dressed in a simple cotton shirt, newsboy cap and suspenders, he stood patiently watchin as she scrambled to fit the beautiful gifts into a trunk. 

    “Kira girl, we’re not gonna be there the whole time.”

    “I don’t care. You bought these here dresses and I am gonna wear em. Besides, it’s not everyday a southern gal gets to go to New York.” 

    “She’s excited.” Her Mama said, comin to stand beside June Bug. 

    “Yeah that’s fa sure.”

    “You gettin my girl travelin.”

    “Y’all lettin me take her. I thank y’all.”

    “It’ll be good for Kira. Git her some exposure other than these here backwoods.” 

    “Yeah that’s the plan.”

    “So y’all first stop is New York? Then where y’all goin?”

    “Next is Chicago, Michigan and then we’re headin into Washington State.” 

    “Oh y’all goin lots of places.”

    “Kira’ll be comin back y’all way when we get in Chicago. I figure a coupla days there and then she’ll be back home.”

    “Will you be gone for another year?”

    “I hope not. I wanna spend some time here at home with y’all.”

    “God willin it’ll happen baby.” 

    “Maybe on the next trip you and Mr. Burnett can come with us Ma.” She slipped an arm around him and let him kiss her weathered brow. 

    “Thank ya baby but I’m gettin too old to go anywhere. Ya Mama is too. All uses gettin old.”

    “Don’t mean y’all can’t see somethin new.” He said before hugging the small woman. 

    “OKAY. I’M READY.” 

    “You sho bout that lil girl?”

    “Wouldna said it if I wasn’t.” Snickering, his eyes twinkled with merriment and mischief. Oh he’d get her once her Mama wasn’t around. 

    “Here, I help y’all put it in the car.”

    “Mama we not gon drive y’all car.”

    “Then how y’all gon get to the rail station?”

    “Joon arranged for a taxi to come get us.”

    “Oh. A taxi sound expensive.”

    “It’s nothin ta worry about.” He assured with an easy going smile. 

    “If you say so. You tha man. I ain’t gon question it.” Her Mama said, leavin them to head into the big great room. 

    “I’m excited!” She gushed, lettin him pull her close. 

    “You should be.”

    “I’m finally goin somewhere with you.”

    “That’s right.” He said, wrapping arms around her waist. 

    “I do have a question though.”

    “What’s that?”

    “Where I’ma stay?” He grinned. 

    “Don’t worry bout it.”

    “Nawl nawl nawl don’t get quiet now. Tell me where I’m goin.”

    “I ain’t gotta tell you nothin with all your damn back talk.” He gently squished her cheeks together, making her lips pucker. 

    “Shut up and trust me. A’right?” She tried to speak but he silenced her with a kiss or two. She melted like wax and sighed against his mouth. 

    “You hear me talkin to you Kira.” He whispered against her mouth, eyes drowin her. 

    “A’right. I trust you.” He smirked. 

    “Good.” 

    “June Bug I think y’all taxi here.” Her Mama called from the kitchen. Letting go of her cheeks, he chuckled at her pout and knelt to pick up her truck. 

    “Careful with it Joon.” She said softly, watchin him head towards the vehicle. 

    “I pray that things were different Kira. I really do.” Turning towards her Mama, she swallowed. 

    “It’ll be okay Mama. We’ll be okay.” 

    “Godspeed baby. Godspeed to the both of ya.” 

*** 

    “Mister Jung welcome back.” 

    “Told you to call me Joon. I ain’t nobody special.” He said, grinning at the man with a tip of his hat towards the porter. He turned to find her not that far behind.

    “Put the girl’s trunk in my private car will ya Jonesy?” The man gawked at the dark skinned simply dressed woman comin up behind him, careful not to put too much distance between them. 

    “She’s…she’s stayin with you suh?” Chuckling at him, he pat his shoulder. 

    “That she is.” He said nothing else as he hopped aboard, eager to see the private car his boss had reserved for him. It was gorgeous and spacious, clothed in old world elegance and finery. Soon, she stepped in gingerly…. hesitantly. Once the explosion of colors took her sight, she gasped, mouth open. 

    “Oh my Gawdd…” He grinned. 

    “Welcome to our home for a lil bit suga.”

    “Joon…it’s…it’s…”

    “You like it?”    

    “Oh ma Gawd…it’s nothin like anythin I could ever have imagined. I ain’t used to this…” A big shit eatin grin on his face, he slipped hands around her waist. 

    “For a moment, let’s forget about everythin hm? Let’s give ourselves permission to finally just live the way we want.” 

    “Joon…”

    “The way it should be. Just for a little while.” Swallowing thickly, she leaned back against his chest and took in the ceilings, somethin probably seen in them mansions and royal castles. Could she do it? Could she let all the labels and titles and rules fall away? Reaching up, she gently caressed Joon’s jawline, welcoming his kiss. She wasn’t sure she could but she’d sure as hell try. It would be nice to just be Kira and Joon. For a little while yet. 

 

Sounds of Billie Holiday wafted across the room and for a while, the old woman sat, hunched in the chair. Grey eyes stared at nothin in particular but her feet had begun to tap against the floor. She wished she could get up and dance. 

    “Gam, you hungry?” Turning those aged eyes onto her granddaughter Tangie, she blinked once or twice before answerin. 

    “Hungry?”

    “Yes ma’am. Momma makin some of your favorite stew.” It was starting to grow cool out but then she always found herself cold and made sure to have a blanket about her. 

    “Green tamatah stew?” She asked, pleased in the girl’s nod. 

    “Yeah baby I take some.”

    “Okay.” The girl sat next to her and reached over to grab her hand. 

    “Gammy, I like this kinda music.” Smiling, she laughed some. 

    “Gal this here is Lady Day. Billie Holiday. I saw her perform live coupa times.”

    “Did you?” Tangie girl said, eyes lighting up. 

    “Mmhm shol did. And Ms. Ella Fitzgerald too. Louis Armstrong, Count Basie, Chick Webb, Fats Waller all them.”

    “Where at?” 

     “Why at the Savoy or course.” 

    “The Savoy?”

    “Yeah…it was the place to be. It was the only place I could dance with my June Bug and not be afraid.” 

*** 

    Large bright white marquee lights nearly blinded her and for a moment, she stopped and just stared at the massive sigh. 

    “What’s wrong sweetheart?” Joon asked, pulling her coat collar down to lay flat. 

    “It’s so…grand.” Following her line of vision, he chuckled. 

    “Yeah. The Savoy is the classiest place in the world.”

    “Is that what it says?” 

    “The sign?”

    “Yeah..”

    “Mmhm.” Licking her lips, she nodded and pulled his arm against her chest as they continued to walk towards the flashy building. glittering in golden light. Suh-voi. That was a strange name for a club but then away, she’d never been to one… not even a jook joint back home. Jumping at the sound of a horn, she pressed her hand against her heart as Joon’s hand came up to caress her back. 

    “The city is so different than back home. So many sounds.” 

    “That’s why you gotta stay close to me sweetheart.” They came up to the entrance and once the doors opened, the sweet sound of music hit her in the chest. It was sweet yet foreign. Had a real good melody, beat, groove. 

    “Joon what is this music called?” 

    “S’called swing darlin.”

    “Swing?”

    “That’s right.”

    “Oh.” A male attendance came to them. 

    “Sir, Miss may I take your coats?” She watched as he began to peel his coat off of his shoulders and waited until he gingerly helped her out of hers. 

    “Thank you.” 

    “It’s no problem sir.” Her eyes were tryna take everything in when she felt fingers caress her shoulder. 

    “You look divine Kira.” Blushing, she bit her lip. 

    “It’s not a color I’m used to that’s fa sure.” She wore a form fitting mint green dress that drifted right to her ankles. With short cap sleeves and a delicately fashioned collar, it was elegant and feminine. She’d opted to leave her hair in a down braid, laying it across one shoulder. 

    “I like it.” He breathed against her, pressing a kiss to her other naked shoulder. 

    “I’m sure you do.”

    “It becomes you sweetheart. Really does.”

    “Well thank you. Don’t get too excited. I ain’t fixin to make this a habit.”

    “Such a pity.” Pursing her lips, she tucked a stray curl behind her ear. 

    “That you Joon?” Turning towards the voice, the face of a very excited Negro came rushin towards them. 

    “Mitch boy, how you doin?” They shook hands. 

    “I’m real good. Glad you could make it to the Big Apple.”

    “Yeah it’s good to visit again. Ain’t nothin changed.”

    “Still the same ol same ol huh?” The man’s eyes drifted over to her and down her body. 

    “Who is this lovely little thing?” 

    “She can introduce herself.” Licking her lips, she outstretched her hand to which he laid a kiss to. 

    “I’m Kira. Kira Burnett. I’m Joon’s woman.” His eyebrow lifted and he grinned, taking the two of them in completely. 

    “Well I’ll be damned. You don got you a fine brown thing huh? I ain’t know you liked women of the chocolate persuasion.” Joon returned the man’s grin with one of his own. 

    “Learn somethin everyday doncha?”

    “You gotta be the only Oriental I know that’s down with the brown.”

    “That right?”

    “Yeah. It’s uh..it’s nice to see.” 

    “Hm.”

    “S’cuse me but how y’all know each other?” She interjected, confusion all on her face. 

    “Sorry for not makin the proper introduction. I’m Mitchell Wright but everybody just call me Mitch. I work on the same Pullman Car Joon does.”

    “Oh…”

    “Yeah he’s a real good guy. Hard working as hell.”

    “Gotta be in this world right?” He replied with a laugh. 

    “That’s for sure. Listen here, why don’t y’all come join my group tonight? We’re just havin a good time drinkin and dancin. Let loose some Joon. You been workin too hard lately.” He sighed as if to consider. 

    “It’s all up to the lady here.”

    “I’m fine with whatever you wanna do.” 

    “Then it’s settled.”

    “This way.” The man led them further into the gaudy world of the Savoy and she knew this would be a night she wouldn’t ever forget. 

*** 

    That night, I felt June Bug’s heartbeat. It was so close, right underneath my ear. He held me close, fingers pressed against my back as he glided across the floor, pulling me with him. The sweet sound of the horns and the live band gave me a feelin unlike anythin I’d ever experienced before. But it was the way he held me, the heat of his hands…the warmth of his breath on my neck that made me weak.

     I’d closed my eyes long time ago as we swayed to the gentle music, praying that he didn’t let me go anytime soon. My poor knees were sure to give out and I’d fall to the floor like a fool. The woman’s lilting scatting and the way he pressed a discreet kiss to my neck made me bite my lip. Gripping his hand a bit tighter, I finally gathered my guts and lifted my eyes upward to find his already on mine. That different look… the look of before at the watering hole sure and strong. It melted his eyes into a warm toasty chocolate and I couldn’t look away. 

*** 

    “Tani, you up there?” Jumping, she turned towards the voice that hollered up the stairs. Saffron. 

    “Y-yeah Fronnie! I’m up here.” The sound of footsteps ascending rang in her ears, where once she heard one of Gammy’s old time records, playing on a vinyl record player. 

    “How’s it goin?”

    “How you feelin?” She asked first, setting the journal aside. Fronnie sighed, running fingers through her curls. 

    “I’m doin better. Last entry really got to me.”

    “Yeah me too.”

    “I don went through a buncha emotions but now… now I think I’m ready to get back to it. How Gam and June Bug?” She asked, motioning to the journal. She smiled, licking her teeth. Cheeks in a faint blush. 

    “Ah…well…”

    “Gimme that.” Fronnie said with a sudden grin, eyes roaming over the entry she’d previously read. 

    “Oh.”

    “Oh?”

    “I think I’ma read this next one.” She said with a look, pursing her lips. 

    “I’m bouta be 16 in a year for gawd’s sake Saffron. I ain’t no little girl.”

    “Yeah you startin to sound like Gam now.” Huffing, she crossed her arms. 

    “Well…it’s true.”

    “Mmhm it’s true. I’m bout to start.” Uncrossing her arms, she began to play with the fringe on the bottom of her jeans as her sister began to read. 

***

    “Why you look at me like that?” She found herself asking but her voice wasn’t as strong as she’d have liked it to be. 

    “How am I lookin at you?” He asked, voice low. She felt her cheeks warm and swallowed, willing her legs still to move. 

    “It’s…it’s the same look you had at the waterin hole.” 

    “Is it?” He twirled her around, steps steady but light as the female singer crooned her song of romance, of abundant love. 

    “How else is a man supposed ta look at the woman he desires?” He asked, drifting fingers down her back. It felt her breathless. 

    “D-dee-zai-ur you said?” He pulled her flush against him, hands now dangerously close to her hips. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against her ear. 

    “Sweet sweet girl…you gotta lot to learn doncha?” She gasped softly against him as he pulled away from her finally, suddenly as the song ended. Heart racing in her chest, she watched as he lifted her hand and brought it to his mouth. And like that, he walked away, leaving her in the midst of bodies moving to and fro, on time with the next slow ensemble that had started to play. 

*** 

    “It was nice to meet you little lady.” Eyes watched as the good friend of his took Kira’s hand and pressed a soft kiss to it. Her cheeks grew lively with color and she nodded some, lips in a small smile. 

    “You too now.”

    “Such a pretty lil thing she is ay Joon?” Exhaling the smoke from his cigarette, his eyes drifted down her body. 

    “Pretty indeed.”

    “I hope y’all come back to dance with us again. I for one enjoyed meetin you.” Two of girls in the group said, coming to give Kira a friendly hug. 

    “We Southern gals gotta stick together here? Don’t be a stranga now.”

    “Where you from?” Kira asked, eyes lighting up. Outta the multitude of light gals in the group, these two were the only brown ones. 

    “I’m Dottie Mae from Mississippi and Carlotta here from Alabama.” 

    “What a worl.”

    “And you?”

    “Joon and I from Georgia. Smyrna.”

    “That explains that thick country boy accent he got on him huh?” 

    “My, I ain’t know they had Orientals that way.”

    “You’d be surprised now wouldn’t cha?” He said, snuffing out the cigarette, boyish grin on his face. 

    “I ain’t mean no offense now Joon.” She said, putting up her hands. 

    “None taken sweetheart.” 

    “I’ll see you tomorrow June Bug my boy. I’m gunna take my dames on now.”

    “It was nice meetin you ‘gain Kira.”

    “Yeah y’all two.” 

    “We should be headin back now too Kira girl.” He said, slipping hands into his pockets. She nodded, a hand wrapping around his arm as they set off, a sense of urgency all about them. It was well after dark and he could taste the nervousness and apprehension all around her. Back home, they couldn’t do this. But here in the grand ol city of New York, there existed a freedom that he yearned for. He wanted to be with her. Together. In public. At night. Period. He didn’t want to hide her and he didn’t want her to hide him.  

    “Relax suga, nothin’s gonna get you up here. Not while I’m here.” He said, slipping an arm around her waist. But then, his heart yearned for something that would never happen. They’d always be forced to be in the dark, be in private, be in hiding. It pissed him the fuck off. 

    “Joon?” 

    “Yeah pretty gal?”

    “I…I had a good time tonight.” She said softly, bringing a smile to him. 

    “I’m glad of that. You deserve it and more.”

    “Can we do it again? Come back to the Suh-voi?” Chuckling, he held her close as they came in sight of their train car. 

    “We most definitely can. If it’ll make ya happy.”

    “It would.” 

    “Then we will.” He said, lifting her up onto one of the steel steps. 

    “Joon?” Turning, they found one of the porters who appeared to have stepped out to sneak a cigarette. 

    “Yeah it’s me.”

    “Oh thank Gawd. I thought it was one of the white folks.”

    “Nawl you safe. Fa now.”

    “How was y’all time out?”

    “Good.” Is all he answered, letting her pull him up the stairs by his hand.  The man watched the two with a smirk on his face and cleared his throat. 

    “Well, y’all enjoy y’all night now.” He opened the door, leaving their private entrance open for them. 

    “Gon in now. I’ll be there shortly.” He said, kissing her temple. 

    “Don’t be too long.” He waited until she closed the door to pull out another cigarette. Striking a match, he inhaled the nicotine and leaned over the banister, eyes on the sky up above. The stars weren’t visible like they was back home and he sorely missed it. They’d be so bright, they’d shine a path of light upon the ground and you could see the night in a different light… a different way. Running fingers through his hair, he sighed heavily. He wanted to be selfish and keep her with him…keep her by his side where she belonged. It didn’t matter which city the train rolled into next. He wanted her with him. He didn’t want to let her go. 

    Tonight, he’d held her close… close enough that he could’ve tasted the softness of her skin had he been bold enough to. She felt so fuckin right…so soft and warm. But his Kira girl had things she needed to learn should she stay with him. Staring out into the darkness now, he stood there until the cigarette was nothing but a stub. Tonight, he’d give her her first lesson. Emboldened by the New York air, he pushed off of the rail and began to enter into their private car. She called herself a woman. His woman. Tonight, he’d show her a little bit of what that looked like. 

*** 

    “Okay I think that’s enough.” Fronnie said, quickly pulling the book away. 

    “YOU BETTA NOT!” Tani screeched, coming to hit her. 

    “Nawl I think it’s gettin x rated.”

    “Fronnie I sweat ta gawd if you don’t keep readin I’m gonna swat you ‘gain.”

    “Girl if you don’t calm down!”

    “If you don’t keep readin I swear I’ma hit you Fronnie.” She sucked her teeth. 

    “Fine. You nasty lil girl.”

*** 

    She sat at the vanity, combing through her hair. It had felt like sucha relief to get them pins out. She’d hung up her beautiful dress, one that Joon had sent her last year while away. Sighing, she began to wipe off the lipstick from her lips when she heard the door open. Freezing, she turned, relaxing once she saw him come into the car, tie already undone, hanging on each side of his neck. 

    “Have a good smoke?” She asked, her voice light as she focused back on her task. 

    “Yeah. I did.”

    “I was thinkin bout what we could do tomorrow.” She said, wiping a moist towel across her bottom lip. 

    “Maybe see the Statute of Liberty.” He suggested, eyes dead set on her. She was mighty comfortable and bold, sittin there in only her undergarments. Licking his lips, he began to remove his tailcoat and pull his bowtie from around his neck. 

    “That sounds mighty fun!”

    “Or maybe we could go for a coffee. See a play. The options all endless up here.”

    “Yeah there’s…so…so much to do.” She made the mistake of glancing up him in the mirror and saw that he was starting to undress…hence the stutter. Forcing her eyes back down, she took a breath. 

    “Or perhaps we could stay here.” He drawled, accent abundant in all that Georgia goodness, the buttons to his shirt coming undone nice and steady, fingers calm. 

    “Stay here? An do what?” The shirt fell down them thick bronzed shoulders of his and she tried to look anywhere but at the now shirtless man who approached her. 

    “I’m sure we could thinka somethin.” She quickly wiped her top lip and grabbed another rag to wipe her face entirely. His hands slipped across her shoulders and she grew still, his heat, his breath, lips…everything too close to ignore. 

    “Y-you t-think so?” 

    “Aw come on now Kira girl. You always did have a big imagination.” Fingers starting to shake, she swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to focus…focus on the task at hand. What’s tha last step of cleanin ya face? Rosewater. Right. She spritzed some rosewater and vanilla infused water on her skin, hoping the spray would make him pull back a bit more. But instead, he leaned down and kissed the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Somethin warm and wet came to lick the drops of excess off her skin and she melted against him, breath now panting, heavy and slightly shaky. 

    “J-Joon what…what you doin?” 

    “Helpin you clean up.” He replied, lips kissing her shoulder. 

    “I…I got it mighty fine thank you…” His lips turned into a grin and his eyes lifted from her shoulder to meet hers in the mirror. 

    “You thinkin about tuckin tail and runnin ain’t you?” 

    “What?” 

    “I know you lil girl.”

    “I…I just…just-”

    “You just don’t wanna face or accept it. Or perhaps you don’t know what to call it. What you’re feelin.” He said, fingers reaching up to grip her jaw. His plump lips took the breath away from her as they pressed firmly on hers. She felt her heart beat wildly against her chest and felt moisture saturate her down below. He didn’t give her a chance to recover, forcing her to look back at her reflection. 

    “That right there is called desire.” She bit her lips and closed her eyes as the thin straps to her brassiere were pulled down her shoulders. 

    “Look at me Kira.” Warm flutters waved across her skin as the air teased her now exposed chest. Licking her lips, fingers gripped tight together, she slowly opened them, staring at their reflections in the mirror. 

    “I want you to say it.” 

    “What?”

    “You heard me.” His hands suddenly dropped from her shoulders, slowly coming to take her breasts in his hand. She felt her cheeks grow red but the warmth within them was no match for that of his big rough hands, hands that held her nice and gentle. 

    “D…Dee…zai uh….” His fingers squeezed her.

    “Do you feel it?” She lifted her hands to his, fingers lightly brushing the skin of his hands. 

    “Yes…” She breathed as he kissed her on her neck again. 

    “Good girl.” His hands suddenly let her go and she felt like a fool for how she missed them. 

    “Now I’m gonna teach you about pleasure.” 

*** 

    “Gammy and June Bug was uh… very um…”

    “Passionate?” Fronnie suggested, lips pursed at her little sister’s red cheeks. 

    “Yeah you could say that.”

    “Mmhm.”

    “Ya know what… I um… I think I will gon downstairs. Help Momma or somethin.” 

    “What was all that talk from before? I thought you wanted me to read it?” Fronnie grinned at her sister’s embarrassed face. 

    “Well, right now I might wanna take a break. I been readin all mornin.”

    “That you have.”

    “I’m sure Gam’s hungry so I help Momma fix her somethin.”

    “Okay then.”

    “You stayin up here?” Fronnie grinned again, eyes teasing her sister. 

    “I’m old enough to read the rest so yeah I’m stayin.” Pushing her, she left Saffron up in the attic and little did she know, she was eager to continue. Before she continued, she glanced at another photo of the two that had fallen out of the journal. In the vignette, the two of them appeared to be dancing. Obviously shorter than him, she stood on his shoe covered feet, hers bare. She had her eyes fixed on him and his on hers, a charming smile on his face. Even from the picture you could see the adoration in their eyes. 

    “Gammy you had you quite the June Bug.” She said softly to herself as eyes found right where she left off. 

*** 

    In every woman’s life, there comes a time when she must learn certain things. When she’s a girl, she learns of her body changing…small budding breasts and blood that comes from in between her thighs…marking her for womanhood. Once she finally becomes a woman however, the lessons become not as painful. Should you have the right teacher, they become…moments of ecstasy. 

*** 

    She arched her back, fingers gripping the sheets behind her. Soft mewls sprung up from her throat and she tried to keep them muffled, fearing there were those who could and would hear her. Large slender fingers gripped one of her breasts while he lovingly attended to the other, pulling the tasty little morsel into his mouth. He soon let go of it, lips closing around a dark little berry, hard and puckered. 

    “Joon…” She moaned softly, pushing the bud further up into his mouth. He suckled for a little while yet, eyes feasting on her reaction. She was so beautiful, his little Kira girl. Her head had been thrown back, those succulent lips of hers parted and melodic saccharine moans of his ministrations had his cock throbbing with eagerness. He slowly licked the bud, watching as she lifted her hand to muffle her mouth. No no, that wouldn’t do. Pulling away with a soft pop, he reached up to grab her hand, pushing it away from her mouth. 

    “Don’t do that sweetheart.” She whimpered against his lips and allowed him to taste her, tongue stroking hers. Pulling away, she panted for breath, biting her bottom lip as he kissed her jaw before dragging his tongue up the length of it. 

    “I wanna hear how good I’m makin you feel baby.” Drawing her bottom lip into his mouth, he sucked before letting her free. Entangling their fingers, he knelt down to shower attention to her other lonely breast, pleased in the louder unrestrained moans that bubbled up from her mouth. Once he had her squirming, he lifted her up into his arms. Forcing her to bend over onto the vanity table, he took her jaw in his hands, making her look at them in the mirror. She wheezed, taking in the way her body trembled underneath him, begging for more. 

    Mouth open and lips parted, grey eyes roamed across the hand that gripped her breast, the intense chestnut gaze that had darkened until they were almost black, misted with desire and with love. His lips were bruised and rose colored and he dwarfed her, his body big, hard and heavy, fingers on her jaw warm. 

    “That there darlin is pleasure.” 

*** 

    Fronnie licked her lips and shut the journal, carefully marking the place where she’d left off. She pushed herself up from the floor. Her Gammy more than deserved every bit of pleasure she was sure she received from Joon. He adored her. By the end of it all, her hope was that Gam saw herself just the way June Bug had. She hoped that his love and his passion for her shut up and shut out all the self depreciating thoughts and opinions she and others held of herself. After all, that’s what she defined real love as. Smiling, she began to head down the stairs, closing the attic door behind her. 

When she woke up, her cheeks were wet with tears. Her chest felt heavy and throat tight. 

    “Gammy?” Turning her head, she found Tangie girl standing there off to her side, arms behind her back and face full of concern. 

    “Y-yeah baby?”

    “Why you cryin?” Lifting shaky hands to her cheeks, she brushed the wetness away. 

    “It’s nothin baby. Nothin at all.” The girl wasn’t buying it. 

    “Is it about June Bug Gammy?” Lifting her eyes, she met the girl’s. 

    “How you know who dat is?”

    “You talk about him all the time.”

    “Do I?”

    “Mmhm. He was yo first love.” Sighing heavily, the woman turned away from Tangie, eyes focusing on the cream floral wallpaper on the wall. 

    “You miss him don’t you Gam?”

    “Every day apart from him jus kills me.” Feeling the girl’s arms come around her, she closed her eyes and took comfort in the warmth. 

    “Let’s pray one day you can meet him again Gammy. One day you will.” She didn’t say anything, eyes fixed on that wallpaper. But her lips slowly started to smile. 

*** 

    As quickly as I had come, I now had to leave. The trip to New York had come and gone and with it came highs and new journeys. With only two or three days left in the city, Joon had taken me to the New York Harbor to see the Big ol Green Lady with that massive torch in her hand, lighting up the way for the people. He’d taken me back to the Savoy and we’d gotten lucky enough to see Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald in one night. Having spent the night dancing, we’d collapsed once we’d come back to the private train car that I’d come to cherish. He’d held me close against his chest, his heart beating strongly against me. His warmth always lulled me into sleep, his kisses against my forehead increasing the love I felt in my own heart.

     As the train pulled into Chicago, it crushed me knowing that I had to go back home. Call it young love, young passion and desire and I would agree with all of the above. I’d been forced to be without him every year and I simply wanted to stay with him. I didn’t want him to let me go. 

*** 

    She stood inside of the train station, tightly clutching her hands together. A deep pain pulsed in her heart and she tried swallowing it down. She never much liked the fact that he had to leave her. But now… now she full hated it. Hated the fact that she was now in the position where she had to part. Licking her lips, she looked up as June Bug started back for her, carrying her trunk. He didn’t look too happy either. 

    “I gotcha all checked in sweetheart.” She pouted, eyes dropping to her trunk. 

    “I don’t wanna go.” Sighing heavily, he reached for her hand. 

    “Why we always gotta leave each other huh? Why can’t we just be allowed to stay tagether?” His eyes were somber, an expression she didn’t see often. It made the pain in her heart increase. He pressed a kiss to her palm before taking hold of it fully. 

    “I don’t want you to go either Kira girl.”

    “Then don’t let me.”

    “I promised yo daddy I’d send you home and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” She let the pout fall away and took in the multitude of eyes that seemed to cut into her. White..Black it didn’t matter. They were all starin at her…at them. The North provided many freedoms that she’d never have experienced back home. They did things differently. They talked different. Moved different. Everythin was a rush and everybody seemed to have an attitude. It wasn’t sweet, slow and steady like back home. 

    Lifting eyes to his, she swallowed the pain in her chest and reached down to grab her trunk handle. Even so, even with the differences…at least you didn’t find black bodies swinging from trees and blood instead of water providing the soil with misery and death instead of nutrients and life. 

    “Fine.” He didn’t say anything for the longest time, instead pulling her against him flush in a tight hug. He didn’t care about the stares or the judgements and that both unnerved and reassured her. 

    “Be good while I’m away hear?” She nodded against his chest and felt his lips brush against her nose. 

    “Train 1045 is departing for Atlanta, Georgia! All passengers may now board.” She felt her eyes well up with tears but she held them back with a sniff. Pulling away from him, she swallowed thickly as their eyes met. He gave her a brave easy smile.

    “You’ll see me again now. Don’t be like that.” 

    “I will if I want to.” She retorted, response bringin a small grin to his face.

    “There’s my feisty little girl.” Before she could say anything, he gently took her face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

    “I love you.” Her heart near leapt out of her chest and she let the tears she’d been saving fall free, eyes wide. At her surprised silence, his easy going grin spread.

    “You know, it’s mighty mean to not say it back.” That seemed to quick start her heart again and she felt her face flush with intense heat. Taking a deep breath, she reached up to place her hands on his chest, on that strong beating heart of his. 

    “I-I love you too.” Face still in his hands, he kissed her forehead again, longer this time before forcing her chin upward to catch her lips. She stood on her tip toes, fingers clutching his shirt. 

    “Train 1045 departing for Atlanta, Georgia! Passengers board now! Second to last call for Atlanta, Georgia.” Pulling away from her, he licked his bruised lips and slipped his hands away from her into his pockets. 

    “Best be gettin on now.” Biting her lower lip, she swallowed thickly and gathered her trunk. 

    “Hurry back home you foolish man.” At his smile and playful wink, she began to head towards the platform. One of the porters came to take her trunk from her and she glanced back at him. He stood still, eyes intensely set on her. 

    “Miss?” The voice of the porter brought her back and she forced herself to look away as he ushered her to the Colored section. Stepping into the car, she came to sit next to a couple and their child who was wailing. 

    “Hush boy.” The woman said, coming to pull him against her chest. As she listened to the boy cry, she tightened her fingers in her lap. Now it was time to get back to reality. The dream had been nice but now it was time to be in the real world again. As the train took off, her heart reflected the sorrowful cries of the child and she too wept. Silently. 

*** 

    “Momma, I brought you somethin to eat should you be hungry.” 

    “Thank you Addie girl.” Her daughter smiled before placing the bowl of warm soup and fresh bread down on a portable table in front of her. 

    “You’re more than welcome.” The two women sat on the porch, both quiet and reflective. 

    “Momma,” 

    “Yeah baby?”

    “I think the girls found your journal.” That brought a reaction she hadn’t been expecting. Them grey eyes, normally cloudy and distant grew clear and bright. 

    “Good. They should’ve.”

    “You…You’re okay with that?” 

    “I ain’t neva talked about nothin. Not even to you. Member you had to find it yourself to find out.” Addie grew quiet. 

    “It’s somethin I kept from everybody. From yo daddy. From you.” Taking a shaky breath, the woman looked oft into the distance. 

    “How do you think I felt? Havin to keep him a secret? Hell, if I hadn’t a wrote it all down, I’d be an took it to my grave.”

    “So you wanted us to know then Momma? Know about him?”

    “Why of course. In case y’all ever found y’allselves in the same position. Don’t get me wrong now Addie girl. I loved yo daddy. That I did.”

    “I never doubted that at all Momma.”

    “Good then.”

    “There’s nothin wrong in admittin that you loved Chanjoon more. Your heart was always gunna be his and that’s all there is to it. Not even Daddy could compare or come close to him. That’s alright.” Tears began to well up in those eyes, remarkably still clear. 

    “This era is so forgivin.”

    “Yes…it is isn’t it?”

    “Those girls are our future Addie. They have to learn to not waste this generation’s freedom. They have to learn to love whoever they want because they can. Love who they want and run wild with it. Neva look back and neva apologize.” Addie turned to look at her mother whose eyes were starting to grow cloudy again. 

    “Agreed Momma. Agreed.” 

*** 

    “So you continuin the readin today or am I doin it?” Saffron eyed an excited Kotani and rolled her eyes. 

    “Girl, you as excited bout them books as you are bout this journal?” Tani huffed with a childish pout. 

    “Look here, I passed my last test.”

    “Yeah but what about this upcomin one in math? You been studyin for that?” At her sister’s silence, she reached over and grabbed the book from her hands. 

    “And on that note, I’m readin. The whole time.” That pout grew deeper. 

    “No fair.”

    “Till I see you study for that test Ion care bout bein fair. You gotta take your studies seriously now Kotani.” 

    “You know Ion like math Saffron.”

    “Don’t matter. You think Gam would be wastin time like this had she been given the opportunity to study like you? At that, she sobered up. 

    “Why you say it like that….”

    “Cause it’s true. Why you think Mama been so tough on us to do good in school? In Gam’s day girls like us wasn’t thought worth educatin.” 

    “Okay okay okay! I study for the test!” Havin guilt tripped enough, Fronnie sat back real satisfied and opened the page they’d marked. 

    “Good. Now then, I’ma start.”

***

    Having been bent low in the cotton field, she lifted a hand to wipe the sweat from her brow. 

    “Mama, why don’t we take a break?”

    “We gotta quota to fill Kira. We can’t stop now.” Eyes watched as her mother stooped low, she swallowed thickly. 

    “THAT YOU KIRA?” Turning towards the voice, she screeched suddenly, startling her Mama. 

    “LILY THAT YOU GAL?” A big grin spread across her lips and she quickly stuffed the cotton she’d picked into the satchel and shot towards her, nearly tackling her in the process. 

    “Dear Gawd my heart be still…it’s you Lil…” Her brown grey eyes twinkled and she nestled her close to her bosom. 

    “It’s me. The one and only Lilian Burnett.” Releasing a cry of joy, she began to cry, soaking her sister’s dress. 

    “It’s good to have you home Lily girl.” Their Mama said with a smile, tying her bag of cotton behind her back and coming from the fields. 

    “Good to be home Mama.” Lily said, coming to draw her into her arms. 

    “I’ve missed you. All of you.”

    “Come, let’s go inside and take a little break. I gotta git back to the field here in a lil while.” 

    “Yes ma’am.” Sitting the bag of cotton down by the entrance, their Mama took her time climbing up onto the porch, sounds of exertion making the sisters eye one another. 

    “I make y’all some ice tea. On a day like this we could use some.” 

    “Yes ma’am.” They left their mother in the large second room and opted to go into the smaller bedroom, the one they had shared. Upon entering, Lily smiled. Her side hadn’t been touched and it looked the same as the day she’d left. 

    “Still the same.”

    “Of course. This always be home for you Lil.” She said with a smile, sitting down on their once shared cot. 

    “And damn is it good to be home I tell ya.”

    “Tell me how everythin been for ya.” Lil came to sit next to her, pulling her feet up comfortably. 

    “Well, I just finished up my last year at college.” She squealed and hugged her sister. 

    “Yeah and how was it?”

    “It was incredible sistah. I learned so much while I was there. Aside from the home economics and sewin we had to take, everything else was great.”

    “They made you take cookin classes and sewin?”

    “Yeah and homemakin. That’s all fine an dandy but I wanted to learn more of the stuff like the men at Morehouse was learnin.” 

    “Of course.”

    “Mama been taught me how ta sew and cook so that was a waste of time.”

    “Lil…” Her eldest sister huffed and crossed her arms. 

    “I got into so many clubs Kira it ain’t funny. Book clubs, music clubs, archery club…hell I even pledged to a sorority.” Her eyes grew wide. 

    “A sorority? What is that?”  Lily smirked. 

    “A sorority is a sistahhood of women gathered round for a unified cause.”

    “Oh yeah?”

    “Yeah and I found my place with Delta Sigma Theta.” She looked more than confused and Lily could see it, opting to give her a hug instead. 

    “Tell me what’s been happenin here since I been gone?”

    “Ah…well you know Mama and Daddy still croppin.” Lily’s face grimaced. 

    “I see that. It’s a damn shame they can’t just enjoy the shack they worked for. That cracka increased the taxes didn’t he?”

    “Every year.”

    “Bastard.” 

    “My concern is that Mama and Daddy gettin older now. You saw how hard it was for her to get up onto the porch.”

    “She been wearin her body down for years and it’s finally startin to catch up to her.”

    “Yeah.”

    “It’s all a buncha horse piss of you ask me.” Sighing, Lily leaned back on the cot, folding her hands underneath her head. 

    “How June Bug?” At that her entire face lit up like Rudolf’s nose, bringing one of those cheshire grins from her sister. 

    “H-he’s um…he’s up North. Been up there now two years.” 

    “Somethin happened while I was gone didn’t it?” Lily sat up, grin growing wider. 

    “Lily quit now.”

    “What happened Kira?”

    “Nothin.”

    “Don’t lie. That just admits somethin did.” She said with a low chuckle. 

    “Okay fine… h-he took me up North wit him two years ago.”

    “Where to?”

    “New York.”

    “Mmhm and?”

    “And what?”

    “If you don’t tell me you know I’ma find out from Mama.”

    “No! Mama don’t…don’t know.”

    “Is that right?” She asked, eyebrow lifted and grin growing more obnoxious by the second. Licking her lips, she took a breath. 

    “He um…he asked Daddy if he could um… court me.” Lily’s arms came round her real tight and she screeched like a chicken in a coop. 

    “FINALLY! THANK GAWD IN HEAVEN.”

    “LILIAN BURNETT. KEEP IT DOWN HEAR!” At the yell from their Mama, the two women bust out laughing. 

    “You bouta get a whippin already and you ain’t even been home but a day.” 

    “Well…” 

    “Yeah…so we been um… courtin this entire time.”

    “Well good. I’m glad he was man enough to ask Papa. Seems he got the okay to take you up North too.”

    “Mmhm.”

    “Anythin else happen?” There, that blush grew furiously. 

    “Um…well…”

    “Spit it out girl.” She took her sister’s hand and pressed it against her chest. 

    “He touched me here.” Lily’s eyes near bugged out of her head and her mouf dropped open. 

    “June Bug? OUR June Bug?” She didn’t say anything, just clutched her sister’s hand and laid it on her lap. 

    “Was he gentle Kira?” Her sister’s question was serious this time and she watched intently as she answered quietly, 

    “Yeah. He was.”

    “Then why do you look so sad? Did he try anythin else?”

    “No…we ain’t have time I mean… I was only there fora coupla days.” Lily’s gaze didn’t waver and she knew she’d have to explain more.

    “I ain’t sad Lil. I’m…I’m mad as hell.” At her curse, Lily blinked in surprise. 

    “He ain’t…he ain’t come home yet. It’s been two years already.”

    “Has he contacted ya?” She nibbled her lips. 

    “Yeah he has but you know I can’t read.” Lily balled up her lips. 

    “Where is it?”

    “What?”

    “The letters he sent you?” Sighing, she got up and went to retrieve a small package he’d sent her. Still wrapped real pretty like in the expensive lookin paper, she handed it to Lily who in turn opened it. 

    “Oh my.”

    “What is it?” She hurried back over to the cot, watching as Lily’s eyes scanned the writing. 

    “Says here that the trip went longer than expected.” Pursing her lips up, she stayed quiet as Lily decoded the neatly written manuscript. 

    “He misses you. A whole bunch.”

    “That right?” A sudden grin fixed itself on her sister’s face. 

    “He say he wanna hold you ‘gain like he did on that train. Dreams bout it.” At her teasing gaze, her cheeks grew warm. 

    “Seems he don finally made you a woman huh?”

    “Lil quit.”

    “You say you ain’t give him yo honey pot yet but trust me it’s comin. He gon be on it like a fly.” She hit Lily on the shoulder, tellin her to hush. 

    “Quit I said!” Cackling, Lily continued to read the latest letter from him. 

    “Oh this good here! He sent you a primer. He wants you to learn how to read Kira.” Her heart soared in her chest. 

    “He says he wishes he could be here to help you start learnin. Says he wants you to be careful and hide it in case the white folks suspect anythin.” 

    “Can you teach me how to use it Lil? Please?” She smiled and for a moment put his letter down. 

    “Of course lil sistah.”

    “Thank you.”

    “I wasn’t thankin cause I be an taught you way before now had I had my brain on straight.” Turning eyes back onto the letter, Lily smiled again. 

    “He says that reading and writing are forms of freedom. And that for as long as he can, he’ll exist in them with you…even if it’s in private.” Fiddling her fingers, she bit her lip in a smile. 

    “He says that he doesn’t know how much longer he’s gonna be away but that-” Lily suddenly screamed, wiggling on the cot like a worm after rainfall. 

    “Girl hush and finish up!” 

    “He says he LOVES YOU and that he can’t wait to see you ‘gain.” That melted her heart into a pile of mush and she let the smile that had been blooming on her face come out in full, cheeks warm. 

    “I always knew y’all two was gon get tagether. Y’all was always too damn close. Always up underneath each other.”

    “Lily…”

    “Nah nah…it’s the way it’s meant to be and we all know it. Don’t be mad at him now girl! He love him some you. And I for one support this thang y’all got goin.” Eyes found the primer. 

    “He really tryna teach you to read and write. Most Negroes don’t know how to read and if they do, they damn sure ain’t tryna teach their women how to. They wanna keep us in the dark, keep us ignorant so they can have some sense a power over us.” 

    “Hm.”

    “So I tell ya what… we gotta make sho when he come back, you know how to read and write. Simple as that.” Putting the letter down, she grabbed the primer. 

    “You wanna start now?” She asked, starting to fiddle her fingers again. 

    “Now is as good a time as any.” 

    “GALS! ICE TEA READY!” Their Mama called from the kitchen, bringing a smile to Lily. 

    “And while we’re at it, we’ll teach Mama too.” 

*** 

    

    Tani smiled, glancing down at her bookbag which she’d strewn carelessly in an attempt to get to their Gam’s journal. 

    “Now you see what I was talkin bout?” Fronnie asked, gaze scolding. 

    “Yeah yeah. I get it. We more fortunate than Gammy was and we can’t waste what we got.”

    “Right.”

    “I do better in school. I swear I will.”

    “I holdja to it Tani.”

    “You gon keep goin?”

    “Yeah hold on.” A piece of aged brown paper spilled out of the entry, attracting their attention. Lifting it up, they took in the shaky uneasy letters written in pencil, now faint on the paper. An A. A B. A C and so forth all the way until G. They could tell Gam had gotten frustrated because the tail of the G was dragged off of the paper. Taking it in, they both giggled. 

    “Gammy really tried didn’t she?”

    “Yeah she did. I’m proud of her.” 

    “Now I see why she hounded Mama so hard. Comin from nothin….she wanted Mama to have everythin.”

    “Mmhm.”

    “I’m ready for the next entry. You ready?”

    “Been ready Fronnie. You jus been talkin too much.”

    “Girl hush.” She playfully swat her before grinning. 

***

    

Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight 

Spring

    

    

    Shoe clad feet hurried on the dirt road, kicking up small plumes of dust as they moved. Sun hot and air humid, sweat already was slipping down her back. But she had to hurry or else she’d be late. There in the distance stood her sister, a small trunk beside her. 

    “Come on now Kira!”

    “I’m comin!” She full out ran until she finally caught up with Lily. 

    “Good. Now this here is Michael Calhoun, Archie McAllister and Paul Jones. They come from Atlanta…from Morehouse.” She blinked, taking in the three quite attractive Negros, two high yella and one brown skinned. 

    “Nice to meet y’all. I’m Kira…Lily’s younger sistah.”

    “Nice to meet you too. Your sister asked us to come help y’all get to the train station.”

    “Oh?”

    “Yes ma’am. It’s mighty dangerous around these parts for pretty girls like yourself so it’s the least we can do.” She smiled some. 

    “Y’all sweet on my sistah ain’t y’all?” The two yella ones blushed a pretty rose color and the brown one red. 

    “It…It ain’t like that.”

    “Okay.” But her tone said she didn’t believe it.  

    “Kira be good now.”

    “I am bein good. I ain’t said nothin mean.” She shot back with a small chuckle. 

    “Think we should be heading off now ladies.” The one named Michael said, stuffing his hands into his pressed trousers. 

    “So we will.” As the other two grabbed their trunks, they helped the two women into a vehicle. 

    “Y’all headin up to Philadelphia?”

    “Yes.”

    “Hear it is real nice up there this timayear.” 

    “Oh yeah?”

    “Mmhm.”

    “Well, I’m takin my lil sistah up there for a good enough reason.”

    “That is?” The brown skinned one asked, cheeks still red. 

    “I wanna show Kira the history them crackas don’t want her knowin. They got up North people of Color jus like us that ain’t come from no slavery.” The two high yella ones didn’t look surprised but the brown skinned Negro did and his eyebrows shot up all the way to Neptune.

    “Stop jivin me Lily.”

    “Ain’t no jive. Maybe you should come wit us. Learn somethin.”

    “Philadelphia’s a good place ta start Lily.” She nodded towards one of the other Negros. 

    “I think so too. And it ain’t gon get no closer we continue ta sit here and talk now come on. Git us to the train station.”

    “Yes ma’am.” Hey eyes took in the receding plot of land she’d called home and sighed, twiddling her fingers. 

    Over the course of that next year. she’d gathered up her gut and found work in the neighboring town of Mableton as a laundress and domestic. What she earned was not nearly enough but she did it to help her aging Mama and Daddy, trying in her own way to repay them for all they’d done… thank them for all the times the white bastard felt too good to say so.

    She thanked her lucky stars she had finally learned to read and write and felt damn proud of herself for doin so. The years before her seemed like a vast dark ocean, thunder storms and lightening all around. But within a book, any book held a light that shone brighter than any lighthouse. It cut through the darkness, the humiliation and the ignorance that the poor Negro society were faced with every day.

     Cutting eyes over to her sister, she watched as she got Mistah Archie McAllister together as his fingers tried to skim their way across her shoulder. Lily Burnett had always been a fireball and that wasn’t ever gon change bout her. She’d always been outspoken and defiant and loud, somethin that both drew her praise and disapproval. But all in all, Lily wasn’t bout to change for nobody and she respected that. Glancing down at her still twirling fingers, she grasped them tight, stopping their movement.  Now more than ever, she felt like she was starting to come into her own. Sure, she was the quieter one of the two sisters and she felt more drawn to the traditional ideals of femininity than Lily did….but that didn’t mean she couldn’t too be fierce…outspoken…educated and smart.

    “Whatchu thinkin bout ol Kira girl?” Lily asked with a grin big as the moon on her face. 

    “Thinkin bout what we gon do in this city up North.”

    “Lots sistah gal. Lots. The menfolk head up North and enjoy themselves so why can’t we?” She agreed with a nod. 

    “You saved you some money right?”

    “Yeah. I kept me a lil bit. I ain’t fixin to spend a whole bunch.” 

    “Well I fore one is. I’m thinkin a bringin Mama a nice dress, a table and two nice sturdy chairs for her and Papa to sit in. It ain’t becomin to be sittin on the floor all the damn time. It’s 1938 for Gawd’s sake. We should be sittin down at a table like all the resta civilized folks.” 

    “Mm.”

    “And fore Papa I’ma git him a nice pair of leatha boots. Some slacks and suspendas that ain’t worn… have em lookin real nice for Sunday service.”

    “You got all that money to spend Lily girl?” Her sister just grinned. 

    “I got my pouch yea I do. And don’t ask me how I got it cause it ain’t nunya bizness.” She started laughing. 

    “Girl you sound like ol Jimmy.” Lily chuckled, turning into a soft smile as she swallowed, her eyes too finding the trees they passed. Her fingers reached for hers and they gripped each other tight, the ride turning quiet and reflective. 

*** 

    “How old was Gam in 1938?” Tani asked Fronnie, glancing at a picture of their great aunt Lily who stood against an old car, hand on her hip and grin just as big as she’d imagined. 

    “She was 21 years old if I did the math right.”

    “And June Bug?” Fronnie hummed for a bit before answering. 

    “25.”

    “Ohh.”

    “Yep.”    

    “I wonder when they gon see each other again. I’m bout to get anxiety thinkin bout it.” 

    “Now hold ya horses Tani girl. I’ma get to that part.”

    “Will you?”

    “Yeah but only if you promise not to eat alla Gam’s peach cobbler tonight after dinner.”

    “Aw Gam made the peach one?!”

    “Yeah and I know yo gluttinous behind fixin to eat it all.”

    “No I wasn’t but since you gave me the idea…”

    “Don’t you dare Tani!”

    “I save you some girl don’t holler.” Fronnie pursed her lips. 

    

*** 

    

    Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight 

Summer 

    “Kira?” 

    “Yeah?”

    “What they sayin?” The two sisters stood outside the shack, clutching their dresses nervously. 

    “I think he talkin bout Mama.”

    “Can you hear what he sayin?”

    “Nawl hush up so I can try to.” The two pressed their ears against the window, thanking Gawd and high heaven that it always remained cracked. A doctor had been called while they were away and they found the door closed when they’d returned from the store. 

    “So, what you’re sayin is that I got a disease?”

    “Yes ma’am…unfortunately.”

    “Is it curable son?” Their father asked. The man took a long deep sigh. 

    “Right now I don’t know. I ain’t gon lie to y’all. Y’all know that’s not me.”

    “We know baby.” The two glanced at each other. 

    “Why they talkin like they know one anotha?”

    “Girl hell if I know.” 

    “Fore nah let’s keep a monitor on it.”

    “You back now?”

    “I plan to be yeah.”

    “Well that’s good now. Sure the girls gon be real happy to see ya.” Lily almost broke her neck to look at her. 

    “Whoever that is inside know us.” She felt her fingers grow shaky and tried to peer inside the window but all she was was the back of the man, clothed in a white coat. He had their mama’s hand in his. 

    “Yes ma’am. They out and about?”

    “Her and Lily should be back right bout now.”

    “I see.”

    “Stay put. Sure they’ll be comin up in a jiffy.”

    “Alright. Well, I think I’ma step outside for a smoke if that’s okay.”

    “Of course baby.” The two women pushed away from the window and watched as the wood door to their shack opened and a pair of feet covered in good leather stepped out. Her breath clamped shut in her throat and Lily gasped loudly. 

    “J-Jung Chanjoon that you?” A pair of surprised moon shaped eyes found them and flickered between them before settling their destination on her. She shot towards him and damn near tackled him, knocking the small pack of cigarettes from his hand. 

    “Oh my Gawd it is you! Where the hell you been? Kira and I been so worried bout you!” He wrapped arms around her and held her tight, finally taking his gaze off of her. 

    “I’m sorry Lily Bean… really I am.” 

    “That’s not good enough. You know she been waitin for you this entire time. And you ain’t even had the decency to write another letter to her.” Guilt flushed his features but before he could say anything, their mama and papa came out onto the porch. 

    “Gals! We was just talkin bout y’all!”

    “Yeah we came home early and found y’all talkin to a doctor.”

    “You mean this doctor?” She’d wrapped arms around herself, quiet, eyes tryna find somethin other than him to look at. As excited as she was to see him… she was also mad as hell. 

    “Kira ain’t you gon say somethin to him? He came all this way to see you.” The sudden anger and hurt that had been building up for two years forbid her to open her mouth and instead she let her legs carry her away from the house. She ain’t stop to see who said what or what was said. 

    “Joon, I’m… I’m sorry bout her. I don’t know what’s gotten into that girl.”

    “It’s okay.” Reaching up, he pulled the pristine white coat off. 

    “I’m gonna go after her. I be back.”

    “Okay…” Lily took his coat in her arms. 

    “You got some serious apologizin to do June Bug.”

    “I know.” 

    “Gon git to it now. She couldna got that far.” He shot off into the same woods she’d drifted into, his heart damn near about to come out of his chest. 

*** 

    “So he became a doctor?”

    “Seems so.”

    “That’s awesosme!”

    “Yeah…he did what he said he was gunna.”

    “But even so… I don’t blame Gammy for bein mad at him. I mean… he ain’t write her or nuthin?”

    “He was workin hard both on them Pullman cars and in his endeavors to become a doctor Tani. The man may not have had time.”

    “Nawl nawl nawl.”

    “Even with her bein mad at him… somethin tell me Gammy forgave him every time he made her mad.”

    “Yeah…they was that in love.” 

    “Tell you what. I’m bout ready to eat. We been up here all afternoon and I can all but taste Gam’s peach cobbler.”

    “Mmhm I know you can fat butt with five stomachs.” Kotani laughed, playfully shrugging. 

    “Hey don’t be mad at me cause I like ta eat. Can’t be helped.”

    “Hmph.” Marking the place they left off, they began the descent down from the attic when they heard a deep male voice in the front part of the house. 

    “Mrs. Peterson-Bisset, may I have a word with you?” 

    “Who that is?” Tani asked, grabbing hold of Fronnie’s wrist. 

    “Don’t know but let’s find out.” Feet quietly carried them into the hallway where wyes watched as a doctor pulled their Mama away, face and voice serious.

    “What you think he tellin her?” Tani asked her sister. 

    “Somethin bout Gam. I just know it is.” Fronnie answered, tone quiet as she tried to listen to the lowly muffled voices. 

    “Gam?”

    “Shh!” Kotani shut up and the two tried to listen in, only catching bits and pieces. 

    “She’s worsened health wise ma’am.” Their mother swallowed thickly and glanced towards the sunroom where they assumed Gam was. 

    “I figured…honestly.”

    “Yes ma’am. It seems that her dementia is starting to worsen. Her lungs have grown weak and her heart even weaker. Being 94, her immune system is at its weakest state and…”

    “So what are you sayin Doctor?”

    “I’m saying that she needs to stay inside from now on. Any virus that she catches will compromise her entire system and she will…”

    “She will die if she steps foot outside?” The doctor nodded, expression grim. 

    “Yes. The threat of even a small cold and she will perish ma’am.” The two looked at each other, fingers tightly grasped together. Their mother sighed heavily and reached up to hug herself. 

    “I…I thank you for coming out to see us today. She didn’t eat breakfast and I grew worried. Her not eating ain’t like her.” The doctor pat her shoulder as if to comfort her. 

    “I reckon you will have a lot more days like that moving forward Mrs. Peterson-Bisset. In the time she has left, just be there to comfort her and surround her with love. I’m sure that’s what she wants most.”

    “Yes sir.”

    “I should be going now but should anything else arise, please don’t hesitate to give me a call hear?”

    “Yes sir.” 

    “Good then.” 

    “Gammy…Gammy’s…gunna die?” Kotani asked, voice soft and sad. Unbelieving. 

    “She’ll live if she stay inside.”

    “So we have to keep her inside to keep her livin?” Fronnie swallowed thickly and gripped her hand tighter. 

    “Yeah and that’s what we gon have to do.”

    “Right.”

    “Girls! Come on here! I gotta talk to y’all bout somethin!” 

    “Come on, let’s go.” 

 

“There you are.” She stood there in front of a cluster of huge oak trees, trying to catch her breath. Her body grew tight at the sound of his voice and she tightened the grip she had around her waist. 

    “What I tell you bout runnin Kira?” She turned, an angry storm brewing inside her grey eyes. 

    “Let’s talk like normal human beings.”

    “I don’t wanna hear nothin you gotta say.” He came closer, making her back up some. 

    “I know you’re mad at me right now sweetheart.”

    “You gon off for two years and ain’t wrote but two letters ta me. I got every reason ta be mad.”

    “And I gotta perfectly good reason for that sugah I really do.” 

    “Sugah my ass.” 

    “Kira,”

    “No… You listen to me. Right now.” His mouth shut and he waited, intensely watching until she spoke again. 

    “If you gon leave all the time and be gone… then let me go.” 

    “What?” 

    “Don’t ‘what’ me Joon. I…I won’t let you keep breakin my heart like this. I deserve better.” Finally, he swallowed but it hurt goin down. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and waited until he had them around her waist before speaking. She fought him some so he had to tighten his grip. 

    “Look at me Kira.” She didn’t, instead focusing on their feet. Lifting a hand from her waist, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. 

    “I said look at me.” Her chin trembled beneath his fingers and the angry grey storm that had raged in her eyes now fell flat and tears welled up in her eyes. She bit down a whimper and sniffed, those tears begging to be free now starting to fall down her cheeks. 

    “You know I’m a man of my word.” She didn’t say anything, just nodded. 

    “I was not gonna return to you the same as I left.” He let go of her chin. 

    “I promised your brother that I’d take care of you Kira…that I’d take care of all y’all. I was not gonna return home till I fulfilled that promise.”  She let out a cry or two against his chest and finally lifted her arms to hug him back. 

    “I shoulda wrote you more and I apologize for that Kira girl. But nothin else.” She sniffed against his cotton shirt and when he felt she wasn’t gon run again, he loosened his grip on her. 

    “A man should be able to provide for his woman. I can do that now. The proper way.” 

    “Ir ain’t always about money Joon…” She said, tears clingin to those pretty long lashes of hers. 

    “What if I want you here? What if I wanna go with you huh? You did some growin and so did I. And I’m tellin you that I want to stay with you…” He leaned down to kiss her sweet and gentle like. He pulled back, caressing her cheek. 

    “I’m here baby. Your June Bug ain’t goin nowhere.” 

    “You mean it?” He took her by the waist and lifted her up in his arms, bringing a squeak from her. 

    “I mean it. The North got too lonely without you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers slippin into his silky obsidian locks. Their lips met finally and like that all was right again. 

 

*** 

 

    “Gammy?” The woman wasn’t lookin at nothin in particular… just stared into space, eyes cloudy like a storm. 

    “Momma you wanna eat?” Their mother tried gently, reaching to take her hand. At that, she glanced down at the hand holding her before looking up. 

    “What day is it baby?” 

    “What day is it?”

    “Yeah.”

    “It’s Saturday Momma.”

    “What year is it?” 

    “2010 Momma.” She blinked, confusion all over her face. 

    “I coulda sworn it was 1939.”

    “No Momma. That would make you 22 years old.”

    “How old am I?”

    “94. Bouta be 95 in a montha two.” 

    “I’m that old baby?” Fronnie and Tani sat in the back, eying each other wearily. Their expressions mirrored one another. Worry. Sadness. 

    “Where June Bug? He back from tha sto yet?” 

    “June Bug ain’t here Momma…” The girls could see how it was hurtin their mama to tell her and it solidified when their Gammy’s entire face fell. 

    “Oh. He ain’t here huh?” 

    “I fix you a plate okay? You ain’t ate for two days Momma. That ain’t good now. We gotta keep you nice and strong.”

    “Put somma dat green tamatah stew in a bowl. I eat that.”

    “Yes ma’am.” Pulling away from her, their mama went to the frig and pulled out the jade green pot full of that good green goodness. 

    “Saffron, Kotani why don’t y’all gon start ya homework? I call y’all down when dinner is ready.”

    “Yes ma’am.” The girls replied, eager to get up to that attic. 

    “Let’s not waste time now. I wanna get right to the meat.” Tani said as they climbed the attic stairs. 

    “I’m right behind you.” Fronnie agreed, right behind her. Drifting over the journal, they began to read almost hastily. 

 

*** 

 

    “Is that our big lipped bastard?” The girls watched as the group of men engulfed him, laughter and rowdy laughter surrounding them. 

    “Fuck you Scat. Fuck you and ya crooked ass teeth.” 

    “Yeah but you a big shot doctor now so fix em.” Lily and her both smiled as they watched June Bug wrap a thick arm around Scat’s neck. 

    “That ain’t my specialty.”

    “Yeah but you know folks nah doncha?” Scat coughed with a sloppy grin. 

    “Ion know nobody can would be willin to fix that crookmouf he got.” Dipp and Frog smirked, crossing arms. 

    “Agreed. Looks like you’re just plain fucked.” June Bug teased, shoving the spluttering man away from him. 

    “Hey now… we in the midst of ladies nah.” Dipp interjected, eying up Lily real good. 

    “We ain’t no delicate flowers and y’all know it.” Lily retorted with a grin of her own, eying the dark Negro up real good in return. 

    “I see you lookin at me too now Thomas. You ain’t gotta chance in high hell of bein with me and that’s the truth. Now betta turn them eyes straight cause they goin two different ways.” At that, everybody lost it, laughter floating up like bubbles in soda pop. She ain’t laughed that hard in her life and she swore her stomach was bound to laugh its way out her body. 

    “She toldyo ass real good didn’t she?” Scat hollered, growing red in the face. 

    “Gawddamn Lily. Don’t hurt tha man’s feelins now.” June Bug laughed with a shit eating grin, cheeks crimson. Dipp, however, didn’t look the first bit offended. Instead, he grinned and licked his lips. 

    “Lily girl you just wha I need baby. I like my woman with some bite in em.”

    “Mmhm forget it. You can’t even read lettalone write.”

    “Lil be nice to the man now.” She interceded, a few laughs of her own hittin the airwaves. 

    “I ain’t. Why lie to the man? He ain’t even on ma radar and he needta know it.” 

    “I ain’t givin up on you Lilian Burnett. Just you wait an see. You gon be with me by the end of this all said an done.”  

    “A’right luhvaboy. That’s enough. Look what you don did nah Lily. Don got the man all excited.”

    “Hmph.” She replied with pursed lips and a shrug. 

    “Since we all havin a good time and got our June Bug back, I say we gon to us a jook joint tonight. What y’all say?” Scat suggested, grinning between the group of them. 

    “Ion know if that’s the most fittin place ta take the girls now what you think?” June Bug spoke up, reachin into his pocket for a cigarette. 

    “Why ain’t it? Kira and I both grown. We can speak for ourselves can’t we?” Lily said in reply, chest poked out and hands on her hips. Dipp eyed her but then so did everybody else. 

    “We all know Lily’s in.” Exhaling nicotine, June Bug’s gaze set her to burnin slow and sweet, makin her clutch her dress behind her. 

    “How you feel bout that sweetheart?” He asked, bringing the cigarette to his lips, bringin a girlish blush to her. 

    “I’ll go.” 

    “Kira you lettin Lily corrupt you.” 

    “Look here. I’m 21 suns. If I wanna go to a jook joint then I’m goin. Understand?” The boys hooped and hollered, slappin Frog on the back. 

    “Both um firecrackas now ain’t they? Joon you got you a handful huh?” He grinned. 

    “Ain’t nothin I can’t handle.” He replied with a flirty wink. 

    “Alright enough now. If we gon ta go to this here jook joint we best be on our way now.”

    “Yes ma’am.” Those chestnut eyes sent warm flutters all across her skin. 

    “Yes ma’am.” He spoke quietly before exhaling smoke and snuffing out the cigarette. 

 

*** 

 

    “Fronnie what’s a jook joint?” 

    “It was like a club nowadays. You danced, drank, gambled, alla that.”

    “Oh…Gammy wanted to go there?”

    “Well, I think every young woman wants to live on the dangerous side once in a while.”

    “Mm.”

    “Besides, she had June Bug. He wasn’t gonna let anything happen to her.”

    “Yeah you right.”

    “They hadn’t seen each other in two years. I think it was okay for them to have some fun what you think?”

    “Yep.” 

    “Kay I’ma read cause it get hot and heavy. We both know how passionate June Bug and Gam was.” Tani gladly surrendered the journal with a grin and Fronnie picked up where she left off. 

 

*** 

 

    “Lilian Burnett you don lost yo eva lovin mind. I can’t wear that.” 

    “And why not?” She asked holding up a beautiful cream dress with a deep plunging neckline and beaded waist. 

    “The back out firstall.” 

    “Okay and? 

    “And look at the front! For Gawd’s sake you tryna have me lookin like a hot lil tart or somethin?”

    “Nawl. I’m tryna have you lookin good for ya man.”

    “Lily…”

    “This the first time y’all don seen each other in two years. And as you so eloquently put it, you 21 suns now. You good and grown girl. S’time to stop dressin like a lil gal.”

    “I do not dress like a lil gal!”

    “Says you.” Lily sighed, hanging the dress up on the mirror. 

    “Showin a lil leg sometimes ain’t all that bad. Besides, when you got somebody to admire it, it make it all the more worth while.” She felt her cheeks grow warm. 

    “Listen, I ain’t gon tell you what to wear. Just thought a friendly sistahly suggestion woulda been appreciated.” Lily said with her cheshire grin, getting up to sit at their makeshift vanity. She pursed her lips and went to her trunk and began searchin.  

    When all was said and done, she’d picked a pretty pink ensemble with beaded skirt and delicate chiffon sleeves. Slipping into burgundy shoes, she had braided her hair up into an updo and decided to wear a grey cloche. 

    “My don’t you look pretty.” Their Papa was out on the porch smoking a cigarette when she’d stepped out, waiting on Lily to finish gettin ready. Blushing, she smiled shyly. 

    “Thank you Papa.”

    “Where you an Lily goin now?”

    “Some party in Mableton.” 

    “Ah. Chanjoon drivin?” Licking her lips, she nodded. 

    “Who else goin?”

    “June Bug’s friends Thomas and Paul Walker and Moses Lee.” 

    “Ah.” 

    “I think that’s them now.” Grateful for the awkward silence ending, they watched as a lone black Ford pulled up into the drive. All three gentlemen got out. 

    “Evenin boys.” 

    “Evenin sir.” All three suddenly had the best a manners and if they didn’t look nervous it woulda been funny. Joon was the only one that wasn’t sweatin bullets and as their eyes met, she felt her heart start ta thumpin in her chest. 

    “Y’all talkin my girls out for a night on tha town huh?”

    “Yessir.” Dipp replied, licking his lips nervously. He’d slicked his hair and part it straight down the middle, clothed in a tailcoat.  

    “I trust alla y’all to keep ya hands to yaselves and behave. I always have my shotgun ready and loaded so don’t think it’ll be hard to find y’all.” If Dipp and Scat coulda grown pale they would have. Joon on the other hand just grinned that easy grin a his slipping hands into his pockets. 

    “Lily girl come on out here. Kira and the boys out here waitin.” 

    “I’m comin Daddy hold on!” 

    “Women… they so slow.” Their papa said with a chuckle. 

    “Chanjoon.” 

    “Yes suh.” 

    “Take good care a my girls you hear?” 

    “With no hesitation suh.” He nodded firmly and looked over the other two dismissively before heading back into the house. 

    “That man sure is intimidatin. How you say so calm in front a him June Bug?” He shrugged with a chuckle. 

    “Y’all just some pussies. That’s all.” 

    “A’right I’m ready. Let’s go fore it get real dark.” Lily suddenly appeared, bringing po Dipp and Scat’s moufs wide open. She stood in that scandalous cream dress with the deep plunging neckline, a long plus cream boa adorned her shoulders and scream t strap shoes on her feet. 

    “I be damned.” 

    “Lily you look…look…”

    “Pick ya moufs up now. Our Papa within an ear shot range and best believe he by that door.” The two clamped their mouths shut to her chagrin and near fought over who would be the one to escort her to the car. Scat won and she looked like a real dame on his arm as they headed to the car. 

    “You ready sweetheart?” Joon asked, coming to take her hand. 

    “Ready.”

    “You look beautiful darlin.” Blushing, she bit her lips in a smile. 

    “Thank you.” 

    “Let’s get goin a’right?”

    “A’right.” Tightening his grip on her fingers, he gently pulled her against his side as he walked her to the car. He started the car and jumped inside and they were on their way to Mableton. 

 

*** 

 

    “GIRLS! DINNER IS READY! COME EAT!” At their mama’s holler, they sighed heavily. 

    “It was just gettin good too.”

    “Gon down Fronnie. I be down in a minute.”

    “Don’t be too long. Mama gon come get you.” 

    “I won’t. I just gotta know if they made it safely.” 

    “Let me know what happen.” Fronnie left her in the attic. 

    “Okay Gammy, I need you to finally live fa once…enjoy ya time with June Bug…” She said to the quiet space, lifting the journal. 

 

*** 

 

    Thick smoke filled the place and the sound of rag cut through the fog. Black bodies swayed to and fro, skin slick with sweat. The stench of musk and perfume seemed to penetrate right to the nose and yet there was a sweetness to it. A freedom to it. 

    “COME ON KIRA!” Lily was already two drinks in and she was feelin the music’s groove. Laughing, she pulled her into the throng of bodies. 

    “GIRL YOU DON GON CRAZY!” She hollered over the loud music. 

    “YOU NEEDA GIT A DRINK IN YOU. LOOSEN UP SOME.” Lily replied with a grin, shaking her hips. 

    “NO I DON’T. I’M FINE LIKE I AM.”

    “AW COME ON BABY SISTAH. MOVE THEM HIPS.” She giggled as Lily took her hips and moved em. 

    “Lily quit.”

    “Guess who lookin at you like he wanna eat you all up.” At that, her cheeks flushed and she turned to find him sittin at the bar, drink in hand, eyes dead set on her. She swore her mouth went dry. 

    “Gon ova to em nah.” She licked her lips. 

    “Fine but you behave yaself Lilian Burnett.”

    “But of course.” She grinned, losing herself in the mix of swaying hips. Turning, she was just about head his way but it appeared somebody else made it before she could. Some high yella thing pushed up on him, moving her derriere against his lap with no shame. He ain’t say nothin to her, just shoved her off of him like she wasn’t nothin. 

    “Hey now Daddy don’t be mean!” She yelled over the music. 

    “You look real lonely I’m just tryna give you some company.” Feeling a strange twinge in her chest, she started for them. 

    “Did you get lost?” She asked, crossing her arms. The woman eyed her up and down and started laughing, lifting fingers to wipe her eyes. 

    “Now I know this gotta be a joke. What you want with this fine man lil girl?”

    “What I want is you to get away from him.” Her eyebrow lifted. 

    “Oh yeah? Ain’t you the sharecroppin daughter that work as a laundress? I ain’t take you for the jealous type.”

    “You know a lotta bout me I see.”

    “Yeah and I know your work ain’t shit. Po lil darkie, fightin over a man you ain’t worthy of.” Just to spite her, she lifted a leg to sit on top of his lap, wrapping arms around him. 

    “When you ready to be with a real woman, just come find me won’t cha Daddy?” 

    “Get the fuck offa me.” He hissed, shoving her hard.  She yelped as she hit the floor and he stood up, eyes hard and cold. 

    “You don’t want any problems with me I promise you.”

     “Ay what you doin Joon?” Dipp said with a sloppy grin on his face, obviously drunk as a skunk. 

    “Come get this stanky yella bitch before I forget myself Dipp. I’m abouta strangle her.” Stepping around her, he made his way over to her. 

    “That certainly wasn’t nice.” He slid arms around her waist. 

    “Yeah and neither was the way she was talkin bout you.”

    “Joon,”

    “You know I don’t like people talkin bout you or your color Kira.” She wrapped arms around him, hopin she rubbed the anger outta him. He’d been drinkin and she didn’t want him to start a fight.  

    S’right now. She’s gone. I think she got the message.” He hummed against her collarbone before pressing his lips against it. 

    “I was wonderin when you was gon come ova here.” His lips kissed her neck, eyes lifting to meet hers.

    “Seems you been havin enough fun as it is without me.” She teased back, near drownin in them eyes a his. As playful as they was, there was somethin about em she ain’t neva seen before. Not even in their time together in New York. It excited her to the point where she felt like she had a river flowin ‘tween her thighs. 

    “Just warmin up is all.”

    “That right?”

    “We got all night sugah. All night long.” His hands crept down her back. 

    “And what you plannin ta do all night long Joon?” He chuckled lowly, hands now dangerously close to her derriere. 

    “I can think of a coupla things.” She gripped his hands just before he took hold of her down below her waist. 

    “Easy now…” He leaned down to kiss her on her neck again but this time, she gave him a lot more room to work with. He kissed her generous offering, letting his tongue glide across her throat. She took a shaky breath and let his hands go, grabbing his shirt instead. 

    “J-Joon… not in front of all these people.” 

    “I’m sorry sweetheart…”  His voice breathed against her throat, deep and raspy. He cupped her cheek, not letting her escape his gaze. 

    “I be good darlin. I promise.” Finally he kissed her and it sent her spinnin right round, desire and longin drippin like honey from his soft plush lips. In the smoke filled haze, they shared a coupla more kisses before he pulled her out onto the dance floor, holding her tight against him as they began to dance real slow and sweet. 

 

*** 

 

    “KOTANI.” Jumping, she forced herself to shut the book. 

    “COMIN MAMA.” Licking her lips, she hurried her tail downstairs fore she got a whippin. Gammy, you always gon be alive and happy in yo journal. Always. As long as you and June Bug can be together, then I’ll be happy. 

 

    “So?”

    “So?”

    “What happened?”

    “Some girl tried to push up on June Bug and he got her together.”

    “That right? Them girls neva learned did they?”

    “Guess not.”

    “What Gam do?”

    “Went over to her and told her to leave him alone.”

    “That’s right. Gam shoulda punched her.”

    “Saffron!”

    “What? Gam was always too nice. Sometimes, you gotta get a lil mean for folks to understand you mean business.” 

    “Hmm.” 

    “Well, Gam’s all tucked in now and the kitchen all clean so what you say we get us a readin session in fore we go to bed?”

    “I’m okay with that.”

    “Alright then.” The girls went up the attic stairs but not before grabbing blankets, pillows and comfy duvets. They giggled on their way up. 

    “This like a sleepover.”

    “Mmhm like when we was little.”

    “Yeah cept Gammy not here to help us make our fort.”

    “That’s okay we make it nice and big jus’ for her.” As they got to the top and sprawled out the duvets, blankets and pillows. 

    “You bring the snacks too Tangie girl?” Fronnie asked, headin over to the journal. 

    “Yup. I got us covered okay? I know the drill.” 

    “Alrighty then let’s get this on and poppin.” They set up their fort and got it comfy just the way they liked it. 

    “I tell you what Fronnie…them girls betta leave June Bug alone else they gon see anotha side of Gam they ain’t neva seen before.” The eldest sister grinned hard. Fingers peeled the journal open and they were both drawn in. 

*** 

    I’ll never forget that night. It was a night of firsts. First jook joint. First skitchy yitchy dance.  First time feeling Joon’s hands, breath and body heat all over me. I completely understood why Mama told us to stay out of that place. Cause she called it ‘the devil’s playground’. But then, it wasn’t the devil I was dancing with nor was it the devil who made my knees near buckle. Little did I know then that the jook joint would be the catalyst for a lot of firsts to come in my life. Good and bad. 

*** 

    It didn’t matter that she could feel sweat bead down her back. Large hands gently caressed her hips and she was painfully aware of Joon’s very male body. Every sensation she felt was new and she tried not to show how much more of it she wanted. Parts of her were coming alive but then so were parts of him. He’d never been this close up against her before and he pressed his lips against the juncture of her neck and shoulder. 

    “You feel so good baby.” He said low and soft against her, squeezing her hips. Biting her bottom lip, she turned to press her face against his hair. 

    “You make a man wanna do really improper things.” His voice was quiet but she heard it loud and clear as he lifted a hand up from her hip, sliding it upwards across her stomach. 

    “Yeah but you won’t.” She replied, a teasing tone to her voice. Heavy and hard to the touch, his body moved against hers in a way that left her near outta breath.

    “I won’t?” 

    “Nawl cause then you’d have to deal with my Papa.” He smirked some, mischief sparkling in those deep darkening orbs. 

    “What Pa don’t know won’t hurt him.” She playfully hit him, bringing a chuckle to him. 

    “Quit…” Chuckling, he lifted her chin and kissed her, bringing them to a stop.  In the midst of the sea of brown bodies around them, there they was…just the two of them. Softly stroking her tongue, he devoured her softly uttered moan before letting her free.

    “AW SHIT LOOKIT YOU TWO!” She felt a pair of arms come around her neck. 

    “L-Lily…”

    “STUTTERIN NOW KIRA GIRL? WHEW THAT WAS ONE HELLUVA KISS.”  A becoming blush decorated her cheeks. 

    “Y’ALL TWO A STRAIGHT MESS NOW. WANTIN EACH OTHER KNOWIN Y’ALL CAN’T HAVE ONE ANOTHA.” 

    “And why can’t we Lily Bean?” He asked, licking his lips. 

    “Cause our Papa gon skin you ‘live you deflowa her without marrying her.” Lily had quit yellin but she was more than inebriated, red burnin bright up underneath her freckles. Her eyes had a mist over em and she was startin to wobble a bit. Some random Negro came behind her and started fondling her breasts, bringing a very enraged and surprised yelp outta her. 

    “THE FUCK YOU DOIN? GET OFFA ME!” She said, trying to get loose but he only gripped tighter, yanking her back against him. 

    “Don’t be like that now baby. You can’t ‘pect me to not touch them and you displayin em real nice like.” Before the man knew it, Joon had punched him straight in the jaw, sending him flat on his face.

    “Piece a shit.” He growled, nostrils flared and muscles tight. 

    “I uh… I think we should go now. Fore we get into trouble.”

    “We got us a problem.” Dipp and Scat suddenly appeared, evidently sobered up. 

    “The Klan on they way here. We gotta get the hell outta here.” Scat said, voice panicked.  

    “Fuck.” Joon grabbed her hand.

    “Kira, you and Lily bring any purses?”

    “Nawl.”

    “Let’s go then.”

    “Joon…wait…”

    “We have to go. Now.”

    “Let’s get a move on y’all.” The music suddenly stopped as a lone Negro came running up to the mircophone. 

    “KLAN COMIN! AND THEY GOT DOGS AND TORCHES!” Joon yanked her roughly towards the door and she reached back for Lily, tears starting to well up in her eyes. 

    “You know they good fore burnin whole places down and stringin up every damn body.” She heard in passing as they high tailed it for the door. Joon cursed again as they hit a brick wall of panicked men and women, all tryna get out the narrow door. 

    “ONE AT A DAMN TIME! FUCK!” He growled, tightening his grip on her hand. 

    “J-Joon…”

    “Hold on to me tight now baby. Don’t let go.” Up for no argument, she swallowed and nod, trying to swallow her tears too. Cryin wasn’t gon make a big of damn difference now. 

    “You got ya sistah’s hand?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Good.” He shoved a man in front of him. 

    “MOVE GAWDDAMN IT.”

    “We gon have to fight our way out.” She said, throat suddenly thick as mud. 

    “THEY GOT ANOTHER EXIT JUNE BUG. COME ON.” Scat hollered at them, turnin towards another door, a door hidden by the jukebox. 

    “Let’s go. Now!” He pushed them towards Scat and they struggled against the influx of people like a fish tryna swim up stream. Panting and tired, she forced her feet to move closer and closer to that door. It was small but she knew they’d make it through. They had to. 

    “Lily go first.” He ordered, opening the small hatch. She gathered up her dress and went into the hatch. 

    “Kira.” She went next. Inside it was dark and she couldn’t see a thing. 

    “LILY?”

    “HERE!”

    “KEEP TALKIN SO I GET TO YOU.”

    “COME ON THIS WAY.” She felt hot, sweaty and panicked, her heart rattling against her chest loud enough to hear in her ears. 

    “June Bug?” She called but nobody answered. 

    “Scat? Dipp?”

    “Yeah we here.”

    “Where Joon?” She shouted back at them. 

    “He should be comin.”

    “Joon!” 

    “Keep going Kira. We almost there. I see an openin.” Lily’s voice sounded closer than before. 

    “Dear Gawd.”

    “What is it?”

    “It’s in the forest.”

    “What?”

    “Come towards me Kira.” She crawled for a bit more before her heart twisted almost painfully. 

    “Joon? “

    “Kir-“

    “Where is he? I ain’t goin no more till he in here with us.”

    “Move that big ass of yours before we push it.” Scat growled under his breath, sounding outta breath.

    “Chanjoon!” 

    “I’M HERE SWEETHEART.” He sounded way back like he just got in the tunnel. 

    “WHERE ARE YOU?”

    “I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU DARLIN. KEEP GOIN. GET OUTSIDE.” Satisfied, she kept going until a pair of cafe au lait hands helped pull her out of the hatch. Looking up into brown grey eyes, she let out a cry of relief as Lily hugged her, her cream dress now wrinkled. 

    “L-Lil yo dress.”

    “Screw the dress! You a’right?” 

    “Y-yeah…” 

    “Good.” The woods instantly provided a cool night breeze and she inhaled deeply as it hushed across her hot skin. 

    “Joon comin out now.” They both turned to see him poke his head out. Soon, he pulled himself out of the hatch and closed it carefully.

    “We gotta be careful not to make too much noise now in case they out here.” He spoke real quiet. They all understood and took a moment to just live in the moment. 

    “You did good Kira girl.” He praised, coming to take her face in between his hands. 

    “I was rough with you and I apologize about that.”

    “Don’t be. We… we had to get outta there.” Kissing her one good time, he reached for Lily. 

    “Lil you a’right?”

    “Yeah. Cold as hell but good. That blew my damn buzz.” 

    “Here Lily take my coat.” Scat said, pulling off his tailcoat. She gladly burrowed inside of it, pulling it closed. 

    “Okay. Let’s get to the car.”

    “Where’d you park?” Dipp asked, lookin around. 

    “Enough away from the place that it won’t be no trouble to get there. Member the walk?”

    “Yeah.”

    “And I’m damn glad I did.”

    “Us too.”

    “A’right let’s get these girls home.” 

    “Sure thing. Ion want they Papa comin for us.”

***

    That night was one of many that happened all across the South. It was never ending and the fear that spread like wildfire crippled the Negro race like a plague. Mama used to tell me that women used to fear giving birth to boys. For boys grew up into men and men somehow always found themselves hung from trees or burned alive, fire and despair all around them. That was also the first and last night I ever went to a jook joint… Somethin about it still gives me chills. It was such a contradiction. The freedom that existed in the swaying bodies, bodies forced into submission during the day. And underneath that freedom the fear that existed right underneath the skin. The Negro could never really truly be free because the white man made sure a very real fear of being stripped of life regardless remained. 

    Thanks be to God in Heaven we made it back to our shack safe and sound. Later on, Lily told me she ain’t neva seen June Bug drive that fast in her life. But once the other two were at their respective homes, Lily had gone inside, damn near freezing. June Bug and I remained in the car, the stars up above shinin moonshine across the ground. 

*** 

    They sat quiet for the longest time, fingers tightly entwined. She took the first look towards him and found that he’d been staring at her the entire time. Feeling her cheeks blush, she turned towards him on the seat. 

    “You real quiet.” He leaned his head back against the top of the seat, eyes still on her. 

    “This whole evenin went ta shit.” She sighed and leaned her head back the same as him, pulling his hand into her lap. 

    “Least we made it out.”

    “That wasn’t an option.”

    “Yeah I know. Daddy woulda kilt you, brought you back ta life and kilt you again.” There, a smile broke through the serious lookin expression on his face. 

    “Yo daddy woulda flayed me like a fish.”

    “Shol woulda.” They shared a laugh before he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. 

    “We ain’t had time ta just sit like this and talk.” She agreed with a nod. 

    “Yeah…” She squeezed his hand. 

    “Tell me what went on in them two years you was away.” He grinned. 

    “You go first lil gal.” Pursing her lips, she playfully snatched her hand back from him. 

    “This lil gal was busy while you was away.” He sat up, balancing his cheek on his palm. 

    “That right?”

    “Yeah that’s right. I got me a job in Mableton.”

    “Didja?”

    “Yeah as a laundress. And on them days when I can’t even think about a washin board, I clean them white folks’ houses.” 

    “I see.”

    “Ain’t no amount of money I make will be able to pay off that raggedy shack…but I wanna help Mama and Papa however I can.” 

    “That’s a real noble thing there Kira girl.” He took her hand in between both of his. 

    “And I ain’t done. I made use of that primer you sent me. Lily helped me to learn how ta read and write. I worked real hard so when you did come back, I’d be smart just like you.” He kissed her hand again. 

    “You always was smart pretty girl. Now you just know what to do with it.” She blushed prettily, biting her lip. 

    “I’m proud of you sweetheart.”

    “Thank you.” He pulled her against him with no warning, drawing a surprised breath outta her. 

    “I hope I make you jus’ as proud.” 

    “But of course you will. You always have.”

    “Yeah?”

    “It wasn’t easy steppin in for Jimmy but you did it Joon. You did it real well.” Looking up at him, she laid a dainty hand on his chest. 

    “You don’t know how you healed Mama and Daddy. They’ll neva tell you but you made em both whole ‘gain.” He smiled down at her and lifted a hand to stroke her shoulder. 

    “Then my becomin a doctor…”

    “They more than proud of you and I am too.” He nuzzled her nose, bringing a smile to her. 

    “I think you be happy ta know I also went up North with Lily in the spring.” His eyebrows lifted and his delight spread in his beautiful dark eyes. 

    “Didja now?”

    “Yep.” She said, puffing out her chest quite like her sister. The sight made him laugh. 

    “You so fuckin cute.” 

    “Yeah yeah yeah wha I tell you bout cursin at me?” He grinned.

    “What city you went to?”

    “Philadelphia! She took me to the historical black sites and I learned that there was free Colored families! Can you believe that?” He looked at her like it was the most inconceivable thing anyone had ever uttered. 

    “Free families of Color? Free Negro families?” 

    “Yep.” She answered proudly, eyes gleaming. 

    “Kira you jivin me.”

    “No I ain’t. I take you up there so you can see fore yaself.” 

    “That’ll be a trip we fa sho gotta take.” 

    “Tagether?”

    “Tagether.” 

    “Kira Burnett!” At the sound of her Mama, she pulled away from him real quick. 

    “Looks like I don stayed out too late.”

    “She jus worried bout ya is all.”

    “Yeah and Ion wont that whippin I got comin my way I don’t get in that house.” He chuckled and got out of the car, comin around to help her step out. 

    “Say June Bug?” He wrapped them big strong arms around her, pulling her flush against him. 

    “Yeah baby?”

    “This yo car?” He smirked some. 

    “Yeah.”

    “Oh…”

    “Oh?”

    “Well…I um… I figured…I mean I was thankin that since you was home and everythang I could go fora drive with you.” 

    “Go fora drive or do the drivin?” He asked with a full out smirk on his face now. 

    “Both.” Chuckling, he playfully lifted her up, bringing a squawk from her. She laugh hollered as he tickled her some, squirming like a worm. 

    “PUT ME DOWN MAN!” She screeched, feeling his chest bob with his deep laughter. 

    “Ask nice…”

    “OH! PLEASE! PLEASE GAWD…”  Her feet met the ground and she took the opportunity to playfully hit him on the shoulder. 

    “You play too much!” He snickered, stealing a quick little kiss from her. 

    “Let’s get you in the house fore Ma come out here and whip you.” Fingers entangled, he led her up to the front porch. 

    “Girl, you ain’t hear me hollerin for you?” The voice of her Mama called by the door, opening before they even got there. 

    “Ma, I’m sorry I kept her out this late. Don’t be too hard on her.” Lifting her up by the waist, he lifted her up onto the porch and gave an apologetic yet charming smile to her mother. 

    “Hm…” Is all her Mama said before disappearing from the doorway. 

    “I’ll come pick you up tomorrow. We’ll go for a ride a’right?” 

    “Mmhm.” 

    “Good girl.” Kissing her collarbone, his gaze drifted up to hers and for a moment, she couldn’t feel her feet. 

    “I love you sweetheart.” 

    “I-I love you t-too.” Finally, he took his hands away from her and he put them into his pockets again. She started to turn and stole a glance at him before scurrying inside, wooden door now in eye view. Licking his lips, he lifted fingers to smooth his hair back from his face. Reaching into his pocket, he struck a match to the cigarette dangling from his mouth, started his car up and hopped inside making it on home.

News of the jook joint raid looked her dead in the face the morning after once she made it to Mrs. Clark’s home. It laid out on the marble table, next to her husband’s cup of coffee. Her eyes quickly roamed it, thirsty for the information it held. 

    “Georgie! Come here!” She straightened up, smoothing out imaginary winkles from her grey uniform dress before she headed towards the voice. Mr. Clark stood in the kitchen, arms crossed. At her appearance, he cleared his throat. 

    “Mrs. Clark want her breakfast in the sunroom this morning. She doesn’t want any eggs today but will take an extra biscuit or two with extra honey and butter.”

    “Yessir.” She said with a curtesy, eyes on the ground. 

    “I’ll take my breakfast normal.” 

    “Yessir.” He eyed her a bit longer than was necessary and cleared his throat again, straightening up. 

    “Hurry up now before Mrs. Clark get mean.” She nodded and carefully walked past him. Before he left her, he said something that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. 

    “You know Georgie…you look awfully nice in your uniform. Keep it pressed.” She gripped the stove until she heard his feet leave. 

    Letting out a breath, she licked her lips. You can do this Kira girl. Just… just mind your business and keep your head down. All of this was for a purpose she reminded herself. Even as they insisted calling her a name that was not hers. As they talked real mean to her. It was all for a reason. Her fingers pried themselves off of the stove burner and she began to start breakfast, the light of the sun not yet up over the horizon. 

 

*** 

 

    “June Bug, you been quiet and that’s not like you.” He looked up to find Lily standing against the door. 

    “Jus’ thinkin is all Lily Bean.” She smiled and came to join him on the porch, letting her feet swing over the edge. 

    “Thinkin bout?”

    “Where I want Kira and I to go from here.”

    “And where’s here?”

    “Limbo.” Lily kept quiet for a while, opening her toes to let the air sift right on through. 

    “I don’t think y’all in limbo at all.”

    “No?” 

    “You made it very perfectly clear what you want. Daddy told me you did.” 

    “Mm.”

    “Said you wanted to marry Kira. Do you?”

    “Of course.”

    “A’right then. So, you put your intention out there.” He didn’t reply, instead leaned back against the porch, arms behind his head. 

    “It’s simple what you gotta do. Go out there, get her a ring and propose to her. You know, I know, hell even Mama and Daddy know she gon say yes.”

    “Who gon marry us Lily?” At that, she had no response and he sighed. 

    “What preacher you know gon marry a Negra and an Oriental? You think good an hard bout that one.” She didn’t say anything, instead leaned down to lay her head on his chest. 

    “Y’all gotta go up North to get married.” He clenched his jaw. 

    “I wish it wasn’t the case. I wish we could get married right here at home.”

    “I know Joon. But you know it can’t be done.” His eyes stared up into the clouds. 

    “Up North is the only option we have. But I’m tryna figure out where. New York is an open state. They ain’t got no anti-miscengation laws.” He lifted an arm to drape across her shoulder. 

    “I was thinkin bout Chicago.” Lily lifted her head with a tender smile. 

    “Well now you just answered ya own question.” He looked down at her. 

    “But will Kira be willin ta go is the real question.” Laying her head back down, Lily closed her eyes and took a nice deep sigh. 

    “I imagine anywhere you go she’ll be willin to go there too.” He smiled to himself and inhaled the warm air. 

    “Can’t hurt to ask her June Bug.” Pulling away from him, she stretched, lifting her arms up above her head. 

    “Maybe y’all should consider givin this ol hate state the boot. I mean…if Chicago will give y’all the life y’all deserve then I say go for it.” 

 

*** 

 

    Bending low, she tied her shoe strings tight before lifting to reach for her coat. 

    “Where are you headed to so soon?” Jumping, she looked into the face of good ol Mr. Clark, who had traded his once formal suit for a pair of relaxed trousers and cotton shirt. She felt her heart start to pulse and grabbed her coat. 

    “I’m leavin for the day Mistah Clark.”

    “You sure all of your chores are done?”

    “Yessir.” She didn’t like the way he was looking at her and quite frankly, she wasn’t in the mood for any foolishness. His dear wife had tried to throw a cup of hot tea on her and rip her cap off of her head. She’d been insulted and degraded enough for one damn day. She just wanted to go home. 

    “You know I never realized how pretty your hair is underneath that cap. It’s a shame you have to wear it at all.”

    “Mistah Clark-”

    “Ben. Call me Ben when we’re like this Georgie.” She looked up at him and found that he was starting to come towards her. 

    “Mistah Clark please. Think of your wife. She wouldn’t like you doing this.”

    “I ain’t done nothin yet.”

    “And you won’t. Have a great day.” She headed towards the door but he made it to her faster and snatched her up, shoving her against the wall. 

    “Now where the hell you think you going huh? I haven’t told you you could go any damn where. I ain’t done with you.” She could smell whiskey now that he was closer to her and felt her nostrils flare up. 

    “Let me go you pale faced bastard!” At her indignant tone of voice he grinned, forcing her arms above her head. 

    “There’s the pretty lil thing I wanna see.” She felt disgust rise up in her throat as he put his nose against her hair, inhaling it. 

    “You got a lotta fight in you and I wanna see more of it.” He tried to kiss her but she yanked her head away and lifted her knee, pleased in the pained wail that rose up from the much larger man. He let go of her arms and instead grabbed his crotch. 

    “Nigger bitch!” He hissed, curling up into a ball. She didn’t stop to see what happened next, yanking open the door and high tailing it out of there. She ran until she couldn’t run anymore. All the while tears welling up big and fat in her eyes. 

 

*** 

 

    That was the last day I worked for Mr. and Mrs. Clark. I couldn’t will myself to go back to that house, not while that woman’s vile husband made eyes and advances at me every chance he got. I knew that my days of workin as a domestic might come to an end… at least in Mableton. White folks had a way of  flaunting their influence in a disgustingly arrogant way, making sure to blacklist any poor Negro or Negra from work. As I sat in the Colored section of the train station, I tried to stop my heart from near trying to come out of my chest. To my surprise, when I made it to the train station, I saw a familiar face standing there waiting for me. 

 

*** 

 

    “J-June Bug?” Looking up into her beautiful face, he smirked at the surprise on it. 

    “One and only darlin.” 

    “W-What are you doin here?” 

    “What does it look like? I come to take you home.” She blushed somethin fierce and clutched her tiny purse tighter. 

    “How’d you know to come get me?”

    “Who else but Lily Bean?” She seemed flustered and jittery and he lifted an eyebrow. 

    “You gonna come get in the car or am I gonna hafta come put you in it?” Licking her lips, she kept her gaze on her feet, ever so mindful of the white people that surrounded them. Saying not a word, she got in the car. Closing the door, he slid into the other side and started the engine. When they were far enough away from the train station, he glanced at her. 

    “What happened?” Lost in her thoughts, she jumped and turned to look at him. He had an intense look on his face as he waited for her start talkin. 

    “What happened?”

    “Somethin happened in Mableton didn’t it?”

    “Why you say that?”

    “You actin different. Jumpy.” She could feel herself start to sweat and gripped the handle to her purse. 

    “I just wanna get home is all.”

    “Don’t tell tales lil gal. What happened?” She inhaled unsteadily. 

    “The husband at one my houses today tried to come on ta me.” He took his eyes off of her and focused them on the road, jaw now tight. 

    “What’d he do?” 

    “Joon it don’t matter now let it go.” 

    “Answer me or I swear I’ll turn around and head straight to him.” Looking at her hands, she finally answered him.” 

    “Tried kissin me when I went to leave.”

    “What else?”

    “Joon,”

    “What else.” His fingers gripped the stirring wheel tight. 

    “Commented about my hair and dress. That’s all.” He didn’t say anything for a little while and it damn near gave her anxiety. 

    “Today’s the last day you work for them you hear me?” Licking her lips, she nodded. 

    “Yeah. I-I can’t go back there.”

    “Where do you work as laundress?”

    “Beale Street.”

    “What time you get off?”

    “Quarter to three.”

    “I’ll be picking you up from now on.” She leaned over to lay her head against his shoulder. 

    “I don’t want you wastin your gasoline comin to get me Joon.”

    “It ain’t a waste and I’m gonna do it regardless. Seems I can’t let you outta my sight.” Smiling softly, she glanced up at him, pleased when he relaxed, fingers loose again against the wheel. 

    “I’m trouble ain’t I?” A whisper of a smirk teased his lips. 

    “A whole lotta trouble.” Lifting hands, she wrapped them around his arm. 

    “Thank you for comin to get me. I appreciate it.”

    “Don’t worry bout it sweetheart.”

    “How was your day since we on the topic?” He sighed. 

    “Good but long. Spent most of my time in Atlanta.”

    “Oh you go out there?”

    “Mmhm.” Glancing down at her fingers, she took a breath. 

    “That mean you try your hand at passin?” He pulled over to the side of the road, now full dirt. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her. 

    “It’s alright if you do. I mean… you gotts do what you have to June Bug. Besides, you’d look real funny only takin care of Negros.” 

    “On the contrary. I don’t try to pretend to be anythin or anybody other than what I am. They know just what I am and who I am.” 

    “And?”

    “It drives them crazy. You can see it in their eyes. It drives them crazy not knowing how to approach me. They know I’m qualified to take care of them but they can’t discern if they want me to or not.”  Lifting one of her hands, she brought it to his cheek. 

    “If they don’t then that is their loss. You make one hell of a doctor.” 

    “I got my color to thank for everything I’ve got this far. But the one thing I won’t let it do is take me away from you Kira.” He took her hand from his cheek and pressed a kiss to it. 

    “I’ma always be me and when I can’t be, I’m going to find somewhere else where I can be.” 

    “Mm.” Smiling some, he wiggled his eyebrows. 

    “Now, I want you to drive us home.”     

    “What? Now?”

    “Yes now. Move that rump.” He grinned, opening the door. She blinked as he pulled her hand, helping her to get out.

    “You’re a straight fool.”

    “Call me whatever you want to darlin. You’re still drivin.” 

    “You know I ain’t got the hang of it.”

    “And that’s why I’m here.” He said with a laugh as she pushed him. 

    Shut up gettin smart.” 

    “Make me.” 

    “Quit playin now…” The playfulness on his face started to wan and he trapped her against the car door, hands pressing flat against the hood. 

    “If you want me to shut up you gotta make me.” She gripped his shirt.

    “What if somebody drive by and see us?”

    “Then they see us.” 

    “I…I…” 

    “You gon learn that sometimes ya mouf get you in a lotta trouble.” She squared up her mouth to talk back but he caught her chin in between his fingers. 

    “Joon,”

    “Hush.” He spoke low against her jawline. He pulled one of her lips in between his, tongue darting out to tease it. He slipped hands up her thighs, lifting her dress the closer he got to her hips. She shivered against him, a weak moan of protest warming his mouth. 

    “I know you’re burning baby. I’m burnin just the same.” He breathed against her neck, taking a deep inhale. She found herself breathless and unable to say anythin back, gripping onto him for dear life. He took her mouth again, kiss deeper than before. 

    “I promise we won’t be waitin too much longer. Then we can put the fire out.” He pulled away from her, leaning down to kiss her collarbone. She didn’t say anything, cheeks too warm and throat too dry to even utter a word. Sliding into the seat, she gripped the stirring wheel as he cranked up the engine and soon they made it down the road, tufts of dust springing up the entire way. 

 

*** 

 

    “I wish they had been born in this generation so bad! They wouldn’t have as many problems as they were facin.” Tani lamented with a childish pout on her face. Fronnie’s eyes dropped to the spread of pictures that still laid scattered across the wooden attic floor. Pictures of their great aunt Lily, their Gam together, with June Bug, with those she presumed were Scat, Dipp and Frog. Smiling to herself, she motioned for her sister to hand her the journal. 

    “They’d have been a riot. That’s for sure. I can see June Bug now… some rough bad boy type with the heart of a kitten if he really liked you. And Gam… well… just Gam. Timid around others but comfortable and feisty to those she know well. Still dressin modest and feminine, careful not to let the boys see too much skin. Great aunt Lily woulda still been that wild girl… definite party type.” Tani laughed at her sister’s description of them in the present. 

    “Yeah I can definitely see her as a bonafide womanist, arm wrestlin grown men half her size and bein a total tomboy.”

    “Yeah but a tomboy that is open with her feminine sexuality. Great aunt Lily wasn’t afraid to be sexual even back then. So I don’t see that changin much if they’d been born now.” 

    “Yeah you right Fronnie but I see June Bug as more like the annoyin boy in school that make funna you and get on yo last nerve but truth is he really like you.” The girls laughed in unison before sighing. 

    “Tangie girl, what we gon do bout ol Gammy?” Tani plucked at her pajama pants. 

    “Ion know but whatever it is, it gotta be good.”

    “Mm.”

    “Her life was so rich. It makes me wonder… had she not married granddaddy. Had she still been with June Bug…how you think they woulda turned out?” Fronnie sat back against the cluster of pillows. 

    “I think they both woulda still been up to their ol schenanigans. June Bug was quite the prankster wasn’t he?”

    “See? That’s what I’m sayin!” 

    “Yeah but he also serious too and I think it’s gonna get more serious as we keep readin.”

    “You think so?”

    “Well he already settin up the stage. Being more intentional with Gammy and everythin. Even talkin with Great aunt Lily about them gettin married.”

    “You think they gonna get married soon?” 

    “I think so.”

    “Oh goody! I wanna get to that part. I’m tired of Gam and June being repressed. All they want to be in love. That wasn’t so bad.” Fronnie smiled as she picked up the heavy book and without delay or warning, she began to take the two of them back… back through Gam’s eyes. 

 

*** 

 

 

 

 

    “June Bug sit still fore I swat you with this comb!” Grinning, he tried his damndest as she part his hair straight down the middle with the fine tooth comb. It seemed like just another summah day in good ol Georgia. It definitely seemed that way didn’t it? Like so many times before, he sat in between Kira’s legs as she checked his head for any lice or bugs that maya come from up North. He made sure to keep clean but he wasn’t gonna refuse her… not like this anyway. In the sweltering heat, she’d peeled off her dress and sat in her shift, the thin white fabric stickin to her skin. He sat in just trousers, his shoes and socks by her pair of short heels off by the door. 

    “How short you want it?” She asked, runnin the comb through his hair once again. He’d been reckless and let it grow out, the strands touching his shoulder tops. 

    “Close to my neck as you can get it sweetheart.” She breezed fingers through his hair which was damp with water from its earlier washing. 

    “A’right I can do that.” Soon, the sounds of his hair being clipped sounded and he sighed in contentment. 

    “Gettin ya hair clipped ay June Bug?” Snapping eyes open, he turned to see Mrs. Burnett leanin against the door, smile on her face. 

    “Yes ma’am.”

    “Kira real good with them clippas. Far as I know you always preferred to have her clip ya hair than anybody else.”

    “That’s cause he like seein me like this Mama.” Kira teased, pushing his shoulder. He chuckled, cheeks growing pink. 

    “Kira just does a nice job. That she does Ma.” Mrs. Burnett smiled knowingly, delight deep in her features. 

    “When y’all git done, I got dinner cookin. Pa should be home in anotha hour or so. Think y’all be done by then?”

    “Yes ma’am.” They both agreed to the woman’s retreating back. 

    “You fixin to get me a whippin Kira girl.” He said, turnin to face her, June Bug grin in full effect. She pursed her lips, lifting his hair back from his forehead. 

    “I reckon you’ll get one a those all by your own doin.” He leaned down to press a kiss to her bare thigh, face laying against the smooth soft skin. His hair tickled her, making her grip his shoulders. 

    “Still, what you said wasn’t a lie.”

    “Mmhm I know. Now come on here, let’s get this ova with. I’m bout ready to eat.” Chuckling, he lifted and she got to clipping again. 

 

*** 

 

    “She’s grown up mighty good hasn’t she?” Standing by the door, he smoked a cigarette, watching as she went over to the well, lifting water up. 

    “Yessuh.” Her father came to stand next to him and asked for a cigarette which he gladly obliged, striking the match to light it up. 

    “Since you been back home, she look better. She get awfully blue when you away.” 

    “She does?”

    “Been that way since she was a chile. She always would ask where her Joo Buh was, snaggle teeth and all.” He laughed at the image, his little gal poutin when she wouldn’t get the answer she wanted. 

    “She loves you mighty hard Joon.” Glancing at her again as she dipped her hands into the bucket of water and spread it across her hair covered thighs, he inhaled the nicotine a bit too fast, bringing a cough to him. 

    “A’right there son?”

    “Yessuh…” He coughed again, licking lips that’d suddenly gone dry. 

    “You gone travel again?” He cleared his throat and inhaled much much slower this time, eyes following her hands as they drifted up into her shift. 

    “Right now I’m not entirely sure. I been workin down in Atlanta now and haven’t heard any news of my being wanted anywhere else.”

    “Ah.”

    “But, I been thinkin suh.”

    “Thinkin bout?”

    “A lotta things.”

    “Like what son?” She was working on the other leg when he glanced at her again. 

    “I hear doctors have more success up North. S’pecally with me bein an Oriental doctor, I can’t see there bein any real demand for me down here.” 

    “Mmhm.” 

    “Perhaps I’d have better luck up North.” 

    “I say go for it Joon. You deserve to be successful.” 

    “Thank you.”

    “You worked hard for that degree that you did. And if being away from us will give you an opportunity of securing that then I have no complaints about it.” 

    “Would you if I wanted to take Kira with me?” At that, James Burnett Jr. grew quiet. They both watched as she finally dumped the bucket over her saturating her entire body, cleaning off hair she’d missed and sweat. Her Mama came and quickly covered her with a blanket. She smiled in thanks, lifting to wring out water from her glossy wet curls. James Burnett Jr. sighed. 

    “I can’t tell her where to go or what to do. Kira gotta mind of her own and she gon do what she feel is best.”

    “But she also respects you and Ma more than she might let on. Your opinion carries all the weight in the world to her.” James smiled, a sight not seen often. 

    “I reckon it would be selfish to want my baby girl to stay with her Mama and I.” 

    “Not at all.” He disagreed as his eyes found his little gal again and this time their eyes met. She blushed a delightful shade of rouge and dropped them. 

    “I want her to be happy and if she’s with you then I know she’ll be safe.”  The two men watched as the two women headed towards the porch. 

    “She can go with you Chanjoon. Wherever your travels take you, you have my blessing.” He flicked the stub of the cigarette over the porch and reached for another one. 

    “I uh…I actually wanted your blessing for somethin else too.” James looked at him, still working on that one cigarette he’d gave him. 

    “Say it.” Inhaling, he felt a bead of sweat inch its way down his temple. 

    “I want your blessing to take Kira’s hand.” James smiled again, two times in one day and it set his heart a beating against his chest. 

    “That’s somethin I always liked about you boy. You were neva afraid to come to me man ta man.” He calmed his pounding heart with a swallow and another deep inhale of nicotine. 

    “I was honestly wonderin when you were gonna ask me.”

    “I wanted to make sure I had everything together suh. I needed time to get myself in order to take care of her the way I wanted.”

    “As any real man should.”

    “I wanna take her up to Chicago…get married there since it’s a free state for interracial mixing. And then bring her back here at home and have a weddin with alla y’all.”

    “Seems you been plannin it all out huh?” He laughed sheepishly, lifting a hand to rustle his freshly cut hair. 

    “Yessuh.” James turned to look at him and for the longest time, he just stared at him. His heart got ta thumpin but he held his gaze nice and steady like a champ. 

    “You’re worthy enough for me to hand my daughter ova to.” He let out a breath of nervousness and inhaled sharply through his nostrils. 

    “You have my blessing Chanjoon. Had it been anybody else than you I be an kilt em.” He  laughed to that, more than believing his word. Not many people could handle James Burnett Sr. But then again, not many people could handle Kira Burnett either. He did a swell job of handlin both. He outstretched his hand and shook James’ hand real firm. 

    “Thank you suh.”

    “Regardless of yo color, appearance or where you say yo people from…you always gon be one of us and you always gon be family Chanjoon. Don’t let them crackas tell you any different.” He nodded as the man pulled him close, clapping him on the back. 

    “Make my baby girl happy hear?”

    “Yessuh. I’ll do my damndest to make sure she is happy.”

    “Good man.”

    “James Burnett Sr.!”

    “Yeah honey?”

    “Bring that boy in here and stop torturing him. It’s time ta eat.”

    “Sure thing honey.”

    “Let’s go an eat huh?”

    “Yessuh.” 

 

 

*** 

    “He’s gonna marry her!”

    “All that playin they doin, they shoulda.” The girls giggled. 

    “I think it’s so cute. They want to be with each other so much but tryin to be proper bout it.”

    “I think June Bug failin.”

    “Actually, I think he’s doing a good job! He ain’t completely tackled her yet.” Fronnie said with a grin. 

    “That makes me happy. And explains why Gammy talks bout Chicago so much sometimes.”

    “Yep.” Tani yawned and began to snuggle underneath her plethora of blankets. 

    “I’m gettin sleepy.”

    “Well then go to sleep.”

    “Yeah but what if you read after I’m sleep and I miss somethin.” 

    “I just tell you bout it when you wake up.”

    “Nun uh. I want us to read together.” Fronnie sucked her teeth. 

    “Fine.” Getting underneath her covers, the two sisters snuggled close together and fell asleep, much like they’d done when they were little. 

    “I GOTTA GO! LET ME GO!” 

    “Go where Gammy?” The small fragile woman was balling, big fat tears springing up like a well down her cheeks and she wasn’t focused on anybody or anything in particular. 

    “I GOTTA GO!” 

    “Mama!” The girls yelled and soon the woman came running into the room. 

    “What’s goin on?”

    “She keep talkin bout she gotta go.”

    “Momma? Momma!” The woman knelt in front of her and took her face in her hands. 

    “Momma where you gotta go?’ 

    “I gotta go! He waitin for me! I gotta go!” 

    “Go where Momma?” The woman cried hysterically, body trembling like a leaf. Since being housebound, she’d only grown weaker and she had lost weight at an alarming rate. Combined with the fact that she had stopped eating all together things weren’t looking good for their Gammy. All of it brought tears to Tani’s eyes. 

    “Momma, you can’t go…”

    “Why can’t I? I say I’m goin! Now git outta my way now!” She tried to get up but her legs and arms were too weak and she laid on the side of the bed, tears starting up again. Their Mama slowly stood. 

    “Saffron, Kotani, leave me and your Gammy for a moment. Please.”  They didn’t say a word and left, their feet carrying them up the attic stairs. 

    “This can’t be happening.”

    “Who you think she talkin bout?”

    “Who else but June Bug Fronnie?” Fronnie worried her lip with bites and sadly glanced towards the journal. 

    “Kotani.” 

    “What?”

    “I…I think Gammy’s dyin.” 

    “Don’t say that Saffron! Don’t you dare!”

    “Ignoring the truth only gon hurt worse!” Tani’s tears bubbled over and she started to cry. 

    “I…I don’t want her to d-die Fronnie.” 

    “I don’t either lil sis. I don’t either.” The oldest girl pulled her baby sister into her arms. 

    “Ignoring it ain’t gon do us a bit of good.” Tani just sniffed, no words. 

    “Don’t you think it’s time she really got the happiness she deserves?” 

    “What do you mean?” Fronnie stared at the journal this time, with conviction. 

    “Death might take her away from us but it’ll bring her to the one she really wants to be with… it’s time that Gammy is allowed to truly be free.” 

    “But…but…”

    “I think she deserves to finally be with the man she loves more than anything. She’s lived so long without him. Don’t you think it’s right?” Tani lifted hands to wipe away her tears. 

    “Yeah…yeah she does deserve it. She deserved to be with him all along.” 

    “Right.” Down below, they could hear their Mama pleading with their Gammy and the woman replying with cries, long sorrowful cries. The sounds drifted up through the floorboards and the two girls plopped down onto their blankets, their fort still up standing strong. 

    “Right.” 

 

*** 

 

    “Where we goin now?” Hands covered her eyes and she was being led somewhere she had no clue where. 

    “What I tell you bout askin questions? Keep them feet movin.”

    “Joon Ion-”

    “You don’t what? Trust me?” His lips tickled her ear and she bit her lips in a smile. 

    “That hurts mighty bad Kira girl. After all we been through tagether.”

    “I wasn’t gon say that.” Those same lips kissed her ear and smiled against it. 

    “Good. You’re almost there.” Her other senses had taken over what with sight being forced outta the picture. She could smell a certain freshness, one she’d never experienced before. Her ears picked up the sound of somethin crashing against something else. It sounded like lightning. 

    “You ever been to a beach darlin?” His voice asked her, hands still up around her eyes. 

    “A beach? What’s a beach?” 

    “Some place where they say dreams can come true if you wish em hard enough.”

    “That right?” He pulled his hands away from her eyes and took in her bewildered expression. So many emotions hit her at once and it was truly a pleasure to watch each and every one take over her face.

    “Is that… is that the sea?”

    “Yes tis darlin.”

    “It’s so… so pretty.” 

    “Well then, let’s get you a closer look then shall we?”

    “Wait I don’t wanna-” But he’d already hoisted her up across his shoulder and drug her down to the shore. Sitting her down on the tree said to have washed up ashore once a seed from a mysterious place, he grinned as he knelt before her. 

    “What are you up to Jung Chanjoon?” 

    “Nothin.”

    “Don’t tell tales.”  

    “A’righ then. I am up ta somethin.”

    “Yeah and what is that somethin?” His grin grew deeper. 

    “Close your eyes sweetheart.” She pursed her lips but slowly closed her eyes. She could hear the water crashing up onto the bank, the coldness it promised. Goose pimples prickled across her skin and she could start to hear her heart pulse in her ears. 

    “A’right now. Open em.” Gripping her fingers together tightly, she opened her eyes and brought them downward, only to have her heart near stop.  He held a small burgundy box and it was open, showcasing a ring she’d never in a million years dream of wearing. It was too elegant, too delicate. 

    “J-Joon w-what are you d-doin?” 

    “I’ve wanted to do this for a long while now. And now, with your Daddy’s blessin I can.” Nervously fiddling her fingers, she licked her lips, trying to blame it on the arid sea air. 

    “I’ve been so many things to you in the time we’ve known each other…but I wanna add one more. I wanna be more than just your man Kira. I wanna be your husband and I want you to be my wife.” Her eyes began to fill with tears and she gently lifted her hand to press it against his cheek. 

    “I know we gotta hard road ahead sweetheart. But hard don’t scare me and you’re worth it.” Sniffing, she gently touched the delicate opal, surrounded by tiny little diamonds.

    “I’ve never wanted anythin as bad as I want you.” Her cheeks flushed and she bit her lip before she finally spoke. 

    “Lily told me that we were meant to be together. Angrily, I told her that in this world… in this life that it couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t happen.” She lifted eyes to his. 

    “But I was foolish then. Foolish to want a life where I’d suffer for the sake of being safe… being uncomplicated.” Gathering up her breath, she outstretched her hand, enjoying the rare sight of his cheeks growing pink. 

    “I’ll marry you Joon.”  He was on her like a frog on a lily pad and the force of him smashin into her knocked her clean off that tree stump into the sand. The two began to laugh and she wrapped arms around him as he pressed his face against her chest. 

    “I love you Kira girl.” Giggling, she kissed his forehead and down his nose. 

    “I love you too you silly man.” Lifting his face, she easily pressed her lips against his, sighing against his mouth in contentment. Soft and sweet. Grinning, he lifted up and she let him put that pretty gem on her finger.

    “It’s… it’s so darned pretty. My goodness.” 

    “Not as pretty as you.” She snapped her gaze down to his to find he was lifting her foot out of her heels. 

    “Aw nawl you ain’t. I ain’t gettin in that cold ice water!” 

    “At least put ya feet in it.” Damn those beautifully enticing moon eyes he had. She reckoned they’d tempt her to do somethin awfully bad. His hands slipped up her legs and disappeared underneath her dress. Her breath climbed as he came to grab her hips, bringing her closer to him.  She didn’t much protest, fingers coming to slip around his neck. He began to pull her stockings down, taking his sweet time, stopping to caress the smooth soft skin. Finally at her feet, she gently stepped out of them, leaning down to kiss him.  He kicked off his shoes and socks and lifted her up into his arms. Laughter drifted across the air waves like sea breeze and screams soon followed. 

 

 

*** 

 

    Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight

 

August 

 

    Two hands clutched each other as they walked up into the massive courthouse. She’d tried to calm herself several times over but still she couldn’t quite shake the anxious feeling. 

    “S’right sweetheart. We’ll be just fine.” June Bug reassured her, giving her a confident smile. 

    “W-what if… what if he tell us no? Then what?”

    “We not gon even think that.” Stopping on the second to the last step, he took her small face in his big warm hands. 

    “It don’t matter what he say. After today, you’ll be my wife and I don’t need no white man to tell me so.” She reached up to grip his wrists. 

    “Joon,”

    “Breathe now baby. It’ll be just fine. We’ll be jus’ fine.” Kissing her, he took her hand. 

    “Now let’s go an get married hm?” She nodded, taking an unsteady breath. Licking her lips, she let him lead her up that last stair and into the building where their lives were set to change forever. 

 

*** 

 

    That day I married my best friend. My first love. My first and only lover. He was everything to me and I wouldn’t have traded him for the world. I remember looking at the small paper that had been typewritten. 

 

***

    On this day August Ninteenth of the year Our Dear Lord Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight an Oriental by the name of Mr. Chanjoon Jung has wed a Negro woman by the name of Kira Burnett. Recognized by the State of Chicago, they are now pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Chanjoon Jung. 

 

*** 

 

    I read it over and over and over again, somehow expecting it to be ripped away from me, the truth evident within snatched away like a child from their mother. And yet it felt real in between my fingers. I can still smell the fresh ink, still drying on the parchment. I was now Mr. Chanjoon Jung and it felt mighty good to see it on paper. But even more so, it felt good to say it.             

On our train ride back to Georgia, we held hands as we sat in the rail section. For the first time, as much as our public display of affection rattled my nerves… it also increased the love I felt for him. Every time his thumb swiped the back of my hand, I felt my heart flutter.     

        Laying my head against his shoulder, I closed my eyes to the whispers and blatant staring. If they didn’t understand love could exist in more than black and white then that was their loss. It wasn’t my job to make them understand. For the man who held me was the love of my life… in this one and the next. 

 

*** 

 

    “I wonder if Gam kept their marriage certificate.” 

    “It’s gotta be here somewhere.” 

    “Wanna look for it?”

    “We might as well since we up here.” Laying the journal down carefully on the blanket, the two got up and got searchin through the old dusty trunks and totes. 

    “I got somethin!” 

    “What is it?”

    “It’s a dress!” Fronnie eagerly skirted over to her sister who held up the aged lace dress. The chiffon was still pristine otherwise outside of the aging browning lace that made up the shoulders. 

    “That’s pretty.”

    “Yeah it is!”

    “You think it’s a weddin dress?”

    “I think so. But in the pictures she took with granddaddy, she wasn’t in a dress like this.”

    “That mean…” The two looked at each other. 

    “June Bug.”  Grinning, they began to rummage through that same particular tote before they pulled out another photo book. Flipping through it, they saw pictures of their Gam and June Bug, in moments of play, dance, laughter, movement and stillness. Tani caught one and pointed to it, cheeks red. Their Gam appeared to have been taken by surprise while holding a small bottle of nail polish dressed in a pale pink teddy. A shirtless June Bug had took hold of her foot and appeared to be blowing her toes. 

    “Cute. Real cute.”

    “Y-you think so?” Fronnie grinned and continued to flip through the pictures. One caught her eye and she paused. June Bug stood nice and tall and this time he wasn’t smiling. His expression held the utmost seriousness and the intensity from his gaze seemed to travel through the photo. He stood, hands pressed at his sides, clothed in what appeared to be an U.S Army uniform.

    “What’s that Fronnie?” 

    “Some pic of Gam cookin.” She lied, quickly turning to another picture. 

    “I’m lookin through and I don’t see their certificate. Not even any pictures of their weddin day. You see any?”

    “Nope not yet.” Tani pouted. Putting the albums back in the tote, she let Tani walk ahead of her first. Somethin told her that these happy moments between their Gam and Joon were about to be cut real short and she wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. 

 

*** 

 

    “Kira, oh my gawd… lookit yourself.” Swallowing hard, she slowly turned. Even in the cloudy quality of the mirror, she could see herself near perfect and it took her breath away. She stood in a floor length white chiffon dress, sheer lace sleeves covering her shoulders. Adorned in her braided up hair were gorgeous white magnolias, the smell intoxicating. Small white heels and to top it all off, dainty little white lace gloves completed the look. She wore a long string of her mama’s pearls. One of the only nice things Mama owned. Taking herself in, she felt her eyes well up with tears and turned to find Lily and her Mama both bouta cry. 

    “My lil gal all growed up and gettin married.” 

    “You look simply gawjuss Kira.” Lily said, dapping the corners of her eyes. 

    “T-Thank you.” 

    “Joon is gonna lose his eyeballs he sees you in that dress gal.” Blushing, she couldn’t help but giggle. 

    “You think?”

    “Any red blooded man would!” Smiling demurely, she glanced over herself again, still not quite over how pretty she looked. She was the one who was never supposed to get married, her color supposed to have prevented her from finding a man. Feeling a laugh bubble up in her stomach, it trickled out through her lips and she began to shake as it kept comin up. Lily and her Mama both looked at her like she’d gone plum fool crazy but she ain’t care. 

    “Kira girl what don got into you?” She laughed so hard she couldn’t answer and Lily hit her on the shoulder, making her gasp. 

    “Girl quit. You scarin us now.” Biting her lip, she took a deep sigh before smilin. 

    “I was jus’ thankin bout all them high yella heifas who told me I’d die alone, black and ugly. Told me no Negro with sense would marry me, told me he would have to be pressed to even think bout it.” 

    “Kira!” Their mama exclaimed, though even she couldn’t keep that small humored grin from slippin up across her face. 

    “I’m sorry Mama but that’s what they was. Heifas. Big ol fat ugly heifas.” Her mama  grinned and to their surprise, spoke just as haughtily. 

    “Little do they know you ain’t marryin a no good film eyed fat bellied nigger huh? You got you a big strong fine June Bug.” The two sisters grew speechless, gripping each other tight as their mama’s grin turned into laughter. 

    “What? Y’all got y’all fire from me and don’t y’all forget it.” Brown grey looked into grey and two sets of lips grinned. 

    “Yes ma’am.” 

 

*** 

 

    The nervousness sat like a balloon in the middle of my stomach and it would not let go. I didn’t think I had ever been so nervous in my entire life. There up ahead of me, so close within reach was my June Bug… my one and everything. The sight of him took my breath away and I think I forgot how to breathe. He kept it simple… kept it him. A white cotton shirt and set of trousers. His mama musta combed his hair cause it laid just right, not a hair outta place. Smiling to myself, I remember thinking with adoration that now it was my turn to assure his sometimes unruly hair stayed together.  

    Reverend Jones stood up ahead, clutching his bible tight to him. Only a few people sat down in the chairs that had been brought from church. I recognized some of the church members, girls who I’d grown up with now women… some with husbands of their own and babies. The old Mothers sat in the front, dressed all in white. There sat Dipp and Scat with their parents and Frog and his parents. I took a deep breath and clutched my Papa’s arm. Today was the day that the little darkie girl became a woman. Slowly my Papa began to bring me closer and closer to the man who held my entire life in his hands.

*** 

 

    Holding tight to his hands, she felt tears come to her eyes. 

    “Do you, Kira Burnett, take this here man to be ya husband? Through thick and thin, through sickness and health till death do ya part?” Reverend Jones asked, gap toothed smile growing wide at the love he saw before him. 

    “I do Reverend.” Lookin like a proud father, he turned eyes onto Joon. 

    “Do you, Chanjoon Jung, take this here woman to be ya wife? Through thick and thin, through sickness and health till death do ya part?” He lifted her hands and kissed them. 

    “I do Reverend.” 

    “By the power vested in me and in the eyes of our Holy Lord, I pronounce y’all husband and wife. Kiss ya bride son.” Grinning, he pulled her in for a smooch that made her see stars. 

    “LET THE GIRL BREATHE NOW JOON!” 

    “ATTA BOY!” Letting her up for air, he laughed against her as she tried to regain her breath. She couldn’t help but laugh and hit him on the chest. 

    “It’s time to eat now! Bride and Groom come with me!” Her Mama said with a smile, reaching for their hands. Leading them to a small table, she told them to sit and sit they did. She watched as Lily, their mamas and some of the Mothers rushed into the house and brought out enough food to feed a whole town. 

    “Mama we can’t eat alla this.” She said with a demure blush as the other women began to set up on on another table right next to them. 

    “Hush now. This yo weddin and I ain’t hearin none of it.” June Bug grinned as he glanced at her, squeezing her hand. 

    “Lookit yo mama Joon… what kinda cake is that she bringin out?”

    “Three layer.” He answered, grin deepening. 

    “Oh Gawd…that gotta be the biggest cake I don ever seen.”

    “You ain’t tasted it yet. You gon be glad it’s three of em.” 

    “If any of you menfolk drop any of this here food y’all gon be buried in this here backyard. We got plenty of it!” Lily threatened as she stood at the door, watchin as some of the men helped carry the heavier stuff out to the table. 

    “Joon what we don did?” She asked, incredulous expression on her face. 

    “Seems we don made this small ol town of Smyrna happy darlin.” 

 

*** 

 

    I never ate that much a day in my life but all of it was so good. I can still taste it all these years later. Even June Bug’s mama’s three layer cake. We shared our first drink together and when the church folks left, the party really began. A local band came and played all the hottest swing and rag. We danced well into the night and I was on a high. Body lost in between the solid warm arms of my new husband, head swimming with the alcohol my tongue suddenly wanted more of. I felt a happiness I never thought I could. A happiness I haven’t felt since. 

 

*** 

    “They look happy.” Eyes watched as the young pair continued to dance in the quiet night. The band had gone home, the other folks who had attended had gone home long before dark. But they still twirled around almost dreamily in soft lazy circles. The flowers that had been braided into Kira’s hair still held up and they could smell the fragrance from the porch. 

    “Don’t they remind you of us Jim?” 

    “Yeah when we was youngins.”

    “Sneakin kisses in between our two plantations when the moon was high.” Tommasina smiled and lifted an arm to wrap around her husband’s. 

    “Somethin that coulda got us plain kilt.”

    “But wasn’t it worth it?” Pressing her face against his arm, she nodded. 

    “Shol was.” 

    “Come on now Tommie girl. Let’s show them kids we still got it.” Giggling quite girlishly, the woman let her man pull her out into the dimly lit grasses and soon the two began to dance, bringing a surprised smile to the newly married couple. When the imaginary music finally stopped, the two pairs came to a stop. 

    “You’ll stay here tonight now won’t you?” Looking up into the stern but warm eyes of James Burnett Sr. Joon could only smile some. 

    “Yessuh. If y’all have me.”

    “Of course now don’t be silly! Lily, Mama and I sleep in the main room. Y’all sleep in the girls’ room.” Kira blushed and clutched her dress behind her. 

    “P-Papa we wouldn’t feel right puttin all y’all out into the great room now. It ain’t right.”

    “Husband and wife should sleep together and that’s all that’s to it. I ain’t hearin nothin else outta you bout it. Joon’ll stay here and he’ll be with you.” She lowered her head with a nod and he straightened his back as the man cleared his throat. 

    “Kira, why don’t you take Mama in the house and get ready for bed now. Y’all got busy days tomorrow. Joon, you work tomorrow right?”

    “Yessuh.”

    “Right.” Turning to his wife, he kissed her cheek. 

    “I’ll be in rightaway honey. Gon in.” The two women soon left the men outside. 

    “Gotta smoke?”

    “Sure.” Lifting one to his lips, Joon handed another to James, lighting them both. 

    “It ain’t a cigar but it’ll do huh?” He chuckled, licking his lips. 

    “Yessuh. It’ll do mighty fine.” The two men stood quietly for a while before James spoke. 

    “Jimmy was here.” That got Joon’s attention and he turned to glance at him. 

    “You think so?” 

    “I know so. I felt it.” Eyes finding the stars that twinkled bright in the sky, he uttered a quiet reflective ‘hm’. 

    “It ruffled somma them gals dresses when they danced and made Kira’s eyes glow when she drank somma that wine.” Smiling to himself, he listened on as James continued, 

    “Jim woulda been happy here today. Seein his best friend get hitched. Seein his baby sista happy.”

    “I think so too.”

    “He was definitely here and I reckon he’ll remain here until y’all consummate.” At that, Joon coughed, smoke traveling down the wrong pipe. Grinning, the man hit his back until he finally caught his breath. 

    “Now now. It’s a’right to talk about it.” 

    “S-Suh?” He wheezed, inhaling the air in deep lungfuls. 

    “You a married man now and Kira ain’t no lil girl no mo.” He stood up straighter and slowly brought the cigarette to his lips. 

    “I trust you’ll make her journey into womanhood pleasant.” He wanted to chuckle but decided against that.

    “Yessuh. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

    “Good man then.” They fell once again into quietness. 

    “Jim was right to trust you.” Clapping his shoulder, he was left alone on the porch. Every day he took in the bittersweet Georgia air, he vowed that he’d make Jimmy proud. It was a promise he’d keep until the day he left this earth. 

 

    “You scared?” 

    “Scareda what?” Lily sat behind her, taking down her hair. 

    “Scared to be made into a woman. You know that’s what’s comin right?” She turned her gaze onto the cloudy mirror and watched as Lily’s fingers sifted through her strands, pulling the flowers out one by one. 

    “Nervous yeah. Scared no.” 

    “Oh?” Lily asked with a grin that had started to form. 

    “Joon won’t do nothin to hurt me. I trust him.”

    “I’m sure since he already got a bite outta you already. S’only right he got the whole honey pot.” 

    “Lily quit!” Her sister cackled obnoxiously and shielded herself against a swat. 

    “Seems y’all havin a good time.” Jumping, the two sisters found June Bug standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, his classic grin on his face. 

    “We was jus’ talkin bout you.” Lily said, pokin out her chest. 

    “Were you now?” He asked, eyes melting her right to the core. 

    “Yeah. Was jus’ gettin Kira ready for you and evr’thang.” 

    “Guess I have you to thank for the beautiful sight in front of me then.” Her heart began to quicken and she found her hands suddenly very interesting. Lily licked her teeth and got up, smirking. 

    “Don’t be too loud now hear? Don’t wanna wake up Mama and Papa.” Sniggering, she left the two of them alone, closing the old wooden door behind her. She still hadn’t looked up, clutching her fingers to filth. In the low light, her skin seemed to glitter and the heady scent of magnolias made his head spin. Coming behind her, he leaned down to press his face against her hair. 

    “Lily Bean’s probably gonna be by the door the entire night waitin to hear somethin.” She  relaxed underneath his fingers as they drifted across her shoulders and down her arms. 

    “You know it.” She still wasn’t looking at him, now the small nibbling on her lips full out bites. 

    “Parta me wanna give her somethin to listen to.” Her eyes fluttered closed as he pressed a kiss to her ear. 

    “But anotha parta me wants to mind Ma and Pa.” Licking her lips, she bit them as his fingers slid up across her throat. 

    “What should I do Kira girl?” Her answer came in the form of a small strained moan as his rough digits gently tightened around her, just enough to make her press her thighs together. He let go of her and watched as finally she brought her gaze up to his. Slowly, she stood and turned, gripping the vanity behind her. She hadn’t let go of that bottom lip yet but she pried her fingers off of the vanity and ever so slowly brought them up to the delicate lace straps to her beautiful white shift. 

    Without a word, shaky hands began to pull them down small brown shoulders, one after the other until the entire garment slipped down her body, rustling against the floor with a soft hush. His gaze took her in from head to toe and the dark intense gaze made her nipples harden. He licked his lips as their eyes met. For a while, a short maddening while neither of them spoke, their body language, their eyes, the energy between them speaking louder than any word could. He made his decision, crossing the room and pressing his lips against hers. She gently moaned into his mouth as his tongue came to possess hers. 

    Lifting her hands, he pressed them against his chest and let her feel his heart beat erratically against her palms.  Sliding them up to his shoulders, he let go and instead pulled her close, lips eager to taste the magnolia drenched skin that had teased and taunted him all fucking day. Pressing a kiss against the smooth soft plane between her beckoning mounds, he felt her shiver against him. But, to his surprise she didn’t run. Didn’t even have one leg itch to move. Reaching up, she gripped his suspenders tight, almost trying to will herself to pull it off. 

    “Don’t be afraid baby.” He took ahold of her hand and pulled the strap down one of his shoulders. She took a shaky breath and slowly pulled the other down of her own accord, gripping his shirt at the waist. Sending soft butterfly kisses up and across her collarbone, he nibbled the skin near the nape of her neck, bringing a soft sigh from her throat. His lips smiled against the sound and he walked her back against the wall, lifting his arms to trap her. 

    “I want you to pull it up and take it off.” A deep red blush had taken over her cheeks and she felt her heart rattle against her chest like a bird in a birdcage. But now… now was a defining moment… a transitional moment. A moment she knew was bound to come and a moment and never wanted to end. As her fingers pulled his shirt up from his trousers and began to coax his buttons a loose, she felt a hot flash of heat and sweat crash into her. 

    “Good girl.” Lifting her hand he pressed it flat against his chest and slowly trailed it down his stomach, hard muscle and smooth silky skin underneath her fingertips. 

*** 

    “It’s happenin Fronnie! Oh Gawd it’s finally happenin!” Tani shouted excitedly, hands covering her face. 

    “Yep sure is.” Fronnie said with a smile, clearing her throat. 

    “I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me to go downstairs with Mama.” Tani said with a pout, crossing her arms now, blush all in her face. 

    “Well…Ion want any idea put into yo head Tani girl.”

    “Jus’ cause I’m 15 don’t mean kids my age ain’t doin it.”

    “Yeah and you bet not be doin it either or else Mama the last one you gon have to worry about.” Fronnie warned with the shake of a finger. 

    “I ain’t! I swear I ain’t! I wouldn’t even think about it…” She said, red resuming its intensity in her cheeks. 

    “Mmhm.”

    “Besides, I ain’t tryna die. If Mama don’t get me, you would,”

    “Darn right.”

    “Okay soooo enough about me. Let’s focus on Gammy huh?” Fronnie glanced down at the journal, fingers always dabbed on the spot left off. 

    “Right. Gammy.”

    “This was one of the best nights of Gam’s life and I don’t wanna miss out jus cause it’s got nasty parts Fronnie. Please.” Ignoring her sister’s puppy dog eyes, she sighed heavily. 

    “Fine but don’t tell Mama okay?”

    “I promise.” 

*** 

    Desire seemed to crackle like lightening between them and he wasted no time, coming to pull that luscious bottom lip of hers into his mouth. Taking her hand he took her on a new journey down past his hips, brushing her hand against the outline of his manhood. Rushing moisture wet her womanhood and it throbbed as Joon groaned softly, taking his bruised rosy lip in between his teeth. Wanting another reaction, she ran fingers down the length of him and it brought a hiss from him, making her yank her hand back. 

    “S-Sorry… I….I’m-” She mumbled but he didn’t give her a chance to finish it, pressing lips against hers. His hands slipped down and gently caressed her breasts, taking in the quiet moan that vibrated against his mouth. Licking his way up her throat, he grabbed a handful of her lustrous curls.

    “What are you apologizin for?” Breath shaky, she couldn’t utter a reply as he took a small pebble into his mouth. With his free hand, he entangled their fingers and took hold of his arousal, makin sure she got a good handful.

    “ S’only right to touch what belong to you Kira. Don’t ever say you’re sorry.” Lifting eyes upward, his gaze was intensely obsidian and it didn’t waver. 

    “I won’t be apologizin for a damn thing.”

    

*** 

        

    They say a tempted man is a dangerous man. I never quite understood it but after that night I did. When a man is tempted, it fills him with a most dangerous hunger, a hunger that some would say is insatiable. It doesn’t matter how much or how little you give him, he always wants more. Always wants to taste until the temptation becomes reality. The hunger that traveled through Joon’s veins gave me chills and the way he chose to release it…the way he chose to devour my entire being brought me a pleasure I hadn’t ever known. Before him and never again after him. They always speak of the man being dangerous but what of the woman? Is she not to be regarded as equally dangerous? 

*** 

    After staring at her for so long, his mouth began to water. Gawddamn. His cock throbbed painfully now. Hard as steel, angry and demanding. He forced himself to bite it back… the desire to completely ravage her. He held her by the ankles, having spread her wide. 

“So fuckin pretty baby… so gawddamn pretty..”  She was simply the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She pressed her face against the cot, hair sticking to her messy and wet. Her chest heaved, breasts having grown swollen and sensitive from his mouth. Dark skin glossy, it appeared brilliant and supple in the low light. Feasting on the sight of her exposed mound, he licked his lips.

     “Look at me Kira.” She didn’t at first but after a reprimanding little nip to the inside of her thigh, he had her undivided attention. 

    “Have you ever been taught of the female reproductive system?” 

    “W-What?” She breathed, eyes glazed with embarassment. Yearning. 

    “You heard me.” Taking a shuddery breath she answered. 

    “N-No… I… ain’t ever hearda nothin like that.” He tsked, taking in her needy little entrance, drenched in honey. 

    “Tonight I’m gonna teach you all about it.” Leaning down, he pressed kisses against the silky wet curls of her triangle. 

    “But you gotta promise me somethin.”

    “Y-yeah?”

    “You gotta be quiet.” Lowering her gaze to his, she nodded, gripping the straw pillow behind her. 

    

*** 

    I learned so many things as his mouth roamed me. The petals he pulled into his mouth were called labia. The little bud nestled between them that he teased with his tongue was called the clitoris. I struggled to keep my promise, pleasure making me near dizzy. I was dumbfounded that such a tiny little thing could make me feel so good. It made me thank God and high Heaven for the female form. Truly, when He created the woman… He created a magnificent thing. 

*** 

    She couldn’t stop her hips even if she really wanted to. Gyrating against him, she tried so hard to silence the sweet rapturous moans that sprung up from her belly like a well. 

    “Joon…” She all but sobbed, breath hitching up in her throat. Biting down on her lips, she panted haggardly as he gave the small nub one last little suck before letting go with a deep groan, the sound flooding her body with vibrational sensation. 

 Lifting her up by the hips, he buried his face against her, tongue soon submerged in sweet nectar. Arching her back, she tilt her head back and forced herself to bite down on the blankets, a loud scream of ecstasy barely muffled. He stroked her slow and lazy, coaxing more of that sweet honey to ease its way down his chin. He knew better than to let it go to waste, slurping wetly before lifting some, finding that needy little button again. He held her steady and used his tongue to bring her to climax. Body now trembling, she finally let go of the pillow and slid fingers into his moist silky hair fisting the strands as she surrendered to the release. 

    Growing limp, she let go of the blanket and panted as he lifted, kissing his way up her body. Wrapping arms around him, she welcomed his kiss, deep, passionate and loving as they fell back against the now rumpled blankets. Letting her legs wrap around him, she smoothed the hair back from his forehead as he nuzzled her breast pressing a soft kiss against him. 

    Later when she’d fallen asleep, he’d slipped out for a smoke, soon after stroking himself to completion. Leaning his head against the bark of the tree, he panted harshly, eyes closed. He wasn’t a teenager but damn it he felt like one around her. Like a baby eager to nurse, he felt like his self control slipped each and every time she touched him. 

    Inhaling deeply, he lifted his trousers. It was always going to be about Kira. Always had been and always would be. Her pleasure would always come before his. Bringing another cigarette to his mouth, he struck the match and stood in the midnight air until done and slowly made his way back into the house.

*** 

    “Wow…” Fronnie put the journal down for a moment. 

    “Joon was so… so loving.”

    “Selfless and appreciative.” Fronnie added with a smile, stroking the pages to their Gam’s journal. 

    “Mmhm.”

    “I’m glad you actually stuck through with it Tani girl.” Fronnie teased, crossing her arms. 

    “Well…” Tani replied with pursed lips. 

    “Here, it’s your turn to read.” The girl’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and she gladly took the journal from her. 

    “Okay.” 

*** 

    “I heard you.” Snapping her vision to her Cheshire grinning sister, she felt her heart drop. 

    “What?” 

    “Joon was givin it to you good too. I ain’t neva heard you holler that loud a day in yo life.” 

    “Lily! SHUT. UP.” She hissed, glancin around to see their Ma and Pa sitting up on the porch. A very unladylike chortle accompanied the grin. 

    “Gotta give it to you though. Mama and Papa slept right through it so you did some good keepin quiet.” 

    “If you don’t hush UP…” 

    “Y’all girls be nice to each other now.” The two women looked up to find Joon standing above them, hands on his hips. 

    “Well good morning luhvaboy.” Instead of embarassment, that June Bug grin played at his lips instead. 

    “Mornin Lily Bean.”

    “Mmhm. Y’all both mighty chipper this mornin. Have a good night didja?”

    “Sure your nosy ass heard all about it so I ain’t answerin.” June Bug smirked, crossing his arms. Lily chuckled before gettin up. 

    “I be back in a bit y’all.”

    “Where you goin?” Both Joon and James Burnett Sr. asked, bringing a laugh to Kira and their Mama. 

    “To the store?” Lily asked with pursed lips. 

    “Joon’ll go with you.”

    “But Daddy I can go by myself. I ain’t no lil gal.”

    “You do what I tell you Lilian.” Sucking her teeth real quiet, she nodded and rolled her eyes once her back was to him. 

    “Kira girl, why don’t you gon get ready? I bring Lil back and take you to work a’right?” Feeling a blush warm her cheeks, she gave a nod. Lifting her chin, he gave her a kiss and started for his car, Lily teasing him the entire way. 

    “Kira girl.” Turning to see Mama, she lifted up from the ground. Following her into the house, she stood by the ice box. 

    “Did you two do the deed?” She grew red as a rose and started fidgeting with her fingers. 

    “Um…well… Sorta kinda.”

    “What that mean?”

    “He um…didn’t penetrate me yet.” For a moment, it looked like Mama was having a hard time understanding what she meant. 

    “So…what y’all did then?”

    “He um… did other things. I think he wanted to make our first night special Mama.” 

    “Oh.” Her mama smiled to herself. 

    “That’s just like June Bug ain’t it? Puttin you before him.” Biting her lip in a smile, she gave a nod. 

    “I fix you somethin fore you go to work.” Smiling in thanks, she kissed her mama’s forehead. 

    “Thanks Mama.” 

*** 

    The day started normally and without care to my relief. When June Bug came back, he found me dressed and ready to go. We started off for Mableton and on the way there, he handed me a small gold chain. Told me to take my weddin ring off my finger and wear it around my neck instead. Glancin up, I saw he was already wearing his. I hesitated for the longest…because I didn’t want to. I wanted to wear the very public declaration of our love for each other. I didn’t want to hide it. He reminded me of Papa’s words. Be careful and mind yourselves. We couldn’t live in the world as Joon and Kira. Cause to the world we weren’t those people. We were two different entities that should exist apart and better yet should not exist at all. 

    Begrudgingly, I took the beautiful gem off of my finger and slid it around the chain. Twirling it around in my fingers, I held on to it until we pulled up a bit away from my assignment for the day. I let him put it on and for a minute, he just held me, kissing my neck and jaw. He didn’t drive away until he made sure I was inside. Until he knew I was safe. Jim Crow was cruel. Our love was cruel in its own right. But pale white hands could be the cruelest of all.

***

    Heels clicked as they entered the medical building. Clutching a small coin purse to her belly, she inhaled nervously as she approached the white woman sitting at the secretary desk. 

    “Yes?” She asked without even looking up. 

    “I-Is a Dr. Jung here today?” 

    “Dr. Jung has stepped out for the day.”

    “Oh.” The woman finally lifted her gaze.

    “Exit is that way.” She felt a splice of anger travel up her side but she just clutched her purse and lowly bowed her head.

    “Yes’m.” She turned on her foot and left just as quickly as she’d come. Biting the inside of her cheek, she slowly descended down the steps. It was half past four and he would never just leave and start for home without her. Her stomach twisted and she felt a grave dread fill her. Where was he? 

*** 

    He fell against the ground with a hard grunt. Everything in him screamed at him to fight back. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

    “So you’re a nigger lover huh boy?” Fingers gripped his hair and lifted his face, already starting to swell from the brutal hits. 

    “Somebody musta broke somethin in ya head.” A leather covered shoe landed a solid kick against his cheek and blood spurt up from his lips, soiling the ground. 

    “From what I saw, she was real pretty.” Furious eyes found the man and he hurled bloody saliva at him, only to be sent back by another kick. 

    “What’d you see Bill?” The man grinned, his teeth brown and slimy. 

    “Saw him fuckin her good that I did.”

    “Did you?”

    “Mounted her like a stallion would a mare.” He grunted as he tried to lift himself up but a foot shoved him back down. 

    “You have no shame do you boy? Fuckin anotha man’s property on his own land?” 

    “She belongs to me!” He hissed, grabbing the man’s ankle. Twisting it until he heard a sick crack, he slowly stood eying the wailing man, nostrils flared wide. 

    “You ain’t tell me he was built like a buck Bill.” Sick amusement danced in their eyes as Bill Du Pont grinned. 

    “Hung just like a damn horse he is. I’d have made a nice pretty penny on him.” One of the white coats removed his hood and took him in from head to toe. 

    “You must not be from round these parts so I’ma tell you flat out. We don’t take too kindly to nigger lovers. It’s unnatural and it won’t be tolerated.” He sucked up the metallic bloody saliva mixture in his mouth and spit more of it at the man. 

    “What’s unnatural is that snout you have for a mouth.” He snarled back, eyes dark and shiny with fury. 

    “He’s a tough sonna bitch. String him up. I’m tireda talkin.” He began to resist but when the pig mothafucka kicked him in the groin, he went down, pain flooding his body. 

    “Everything you do will impact what happens to that nigger bitch you slant eyed cur.” The man chuckled as he let the thick rope come across his neck.

    “Fighting us ain’t gon do you a bitta good.” The breath that he did have instantly restricted in his throat as two of them pulled him up.

    “Why you’d wanna black beast for a wife I don’t know. But I assure you, we’ll put her down like the brute she is…like she deserves.” The man fingered the wedding band around his neck, his lab coat and shirt ripped off. Utter hatred burned in his eyes and he didn’t make a sound as the two struggled to hoist him up further. 

    “The good ol town of Mableton would hate to lose a good doctor suchas yourself now. Nigger lover or not, you’re damn good at what you do. The only reason I haven’t plucked those slits you got for eyes out yet is because you saved my daughter from dying.” 

    “Maybe I shoulda let her die then.” He replied, voice cold as ice, gruff from the abuse to his throat. The man grew red in the face and punched him in the jaw, making his legs grow limp underneath him. 

    “I’ll string that pickaninny bitch up by her hair and split her in two!” The group of cowards finally got him to the height they wanted and when it seemed all the air in his lungs had been wretched, his vision went black. 

*** 

    “NO JUNE BUG!” Tani screeched, tears in her eyes. Fronnie’s expression was somber and serious and she took a shaky inhale as she glanced at her little sister. 

    “How could they DO that to him?”

    “Easy Tani. They didn’t have anybody out there to tell them they couldn’t.” 

    “That’s so…. so cruel…. so wrong.” Fronnie swallowed tightly. 

    “Yes. It was.” Eyes finding the words down below, she felt her heart twist painfully. The end. The end was beginning. She knew it. 

*** 

    Her feet were killing her but she was relieved when she saw the long stretch of road to their plot. Mama and Papa had taken the car and Lily was away in Atlanta job huntin. So, she had no choice but to walk and it made her purse her lips how much her legs had gotten used to driving. Walking was good. Built character. Licking her lips, she started up for the house when she froze. Squinting her eyes, she stared up ahead at a large figure in the distance. Looked like it was standin in the door. Heart pacing, she ignored her feet and started to run. That fool. Why couldn’t he have waited for her in Mableton? She had quite the earful to give him when she got to him. As she neared the house, a sharp pain sliced her in half and she took a breath before stopping. What was that all about? Swallowing, she came closer, mouth fixed to tell him off when she lost all feeling in her legs. It was the sound of a rope in the breeze that sent chills up and down her spine first. 

    “June Bug?” She asked tentatively, slowing her steps as the sound of a swinging rope grew louder. Eyes took in leather covered feet that knocked awkwardly against the floor, legs long and firm sprawled out. A sign had been thrown up around the neck. NIGGER LOVER. She dropped her purse and began to run towards him. 

    “CHANJOON!” Tears blurred her vision but she kept running and hastily yanked her shoes off, climbing up onto the porch. Vomit suddenly rose in her throat but she forced it down. He was limp, sweaty and unresponsive, skin a sickly pale. His face had been beaten to the point where she wouldn’t have been able to recognize him. But it was that gold band that hung around his neck that told her it was him. It was her June Bug. 

    “Oh Gawd…Oh Gawd…” She sobbed, lifting shaky hands to his face. Get him down. Sucking up her tears, she pushed past his swinging body, ignoring the awkward click of his shoes on the floor and shoved open the drawers, trying to find a knife, anything sharp. She was too weak to cut Jimmy down… but damn it she would get her husband down even if it killed her. Finding a meat cleaver, she headed back towards him and grabbed one of the chairs from the dining table. Standing up on it, she began to saw the rope. 

    “Kira?” She didn’t reply, focusing her attention on the rope that didn’t seem to be budging. 

    “Hold on sugah… I’ll get you down…” 

    “Kira, what the hell-” At the shrill scream in front of her, she finally looked up to find Lily clutching her mouth. 

    “LILY!” Jumping, the sisters’ eyes met. 

    “Help me. Please.” Tears slipping down her cheeks, she sniffed and climbed up onto the porch. 

    “Not again… we can’t do this shit again…” She wailed, coming to grab the cleaver from her. She cried as she sawed and it seemed to work this time. The rope gave some slack and she soon caught his body as he came forward. Too heavy to hold up, she sank underneath him, gripping tight to his neck. 

    “Kira…Kira…is he…don’t tell me he’s…”

    “No! No. Don’t you dare say it Lilian Burnett!” She cut her off, voice hard as steel. Lily bit her lip and knelt beside them. 

    “How the hell did this happen? What the hell is goin on?” 

    “I don’t know Lil. I don’t know…” The sisters jumped as a loud ragged breath came from  June Bug, making their eyes mist with fresh tears. 

    “Thank Gawd. Thank Gawd in Heaven…” 

    “Let’s lay him on his back.” The edge of that damn sign had started to jab her in the rib but she wasn’t gonna move it. Not until they got him on his back and a few more sharp uneven breaths came from his chest before she took the cursed thing off. Throwing it away from them, she laid her hand against his chest, pleased when his heart pulsed against the palm. 

    “Joon…can you hear me?” A low moan of pain replied and it was good enough for her. She could hear the questions her sister wanted to ask and slowly licked her lips before speaking. 

    “I went up to the place he normally work. I had gotten off early…got there and some white heifa told me he had left fore the day. I knew it ain’t sound right. Joon never leaves without me.” Lifting fingers to slide his wet messy hair back from his face, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

    “I don’t know when or how…but they got to him. Got to him before I could.” Lily sniffed, wiping her eyes. 

    “Joon is strong Kira. He is going to survive this. He wouldn’t dare leave you… not like this.” 

    “Yeah…”

    “Here, stay put. I make you some iced tea.”

    “I don’t think I can stomach anythin right now Lil. Not now.” 

    “Okay…I fix me some then. I be right back.”

    “A’right.” Lily left them on the porch and she sighed, laying down to curl up against him. Though he was still soaked with sweat and pale, he wasn’t cold to the touch anymore. Lifting his arm, she placed it around her and listened to that strong beating heart of his, eagerly pumping against his chest. Yeah they’d survive this just fine. 

 

 

“Momma please.  At least try to drink your tea.” The woman had childishly refused her breakfast, sayin that if June Bug didn’t walk in that door, she wasn’t eating. She’d held up until about noon and everybody at the table started to hear her stomach rumble and groan in protest. 

    “Gammy…” Cloudy grey eyes lifted and slid to hers. 

    “You think he’d be happy? Seein you like this?” 

    “Kotani!” But it was true and she couldn’t keep quiet about it anymore. She didn’t care if she got in trouble. Finding Gam’s diary was the best thing that happened to her and she didn’t regret a single thing. That seemed to strike a cord within her and for the longest, she stared at the ice tea in front of her. Beads of sweat inched down the glass and the ice clinked together at the top. Reasons why her eyes filled with tears as she forced the cold liquid down were discovered later on. The two girls and their mama all breathed an audible sigh of relief as they watched her down the whole glass. 

    “Thank you Momma. Want some more?” 

    “Yeah.” She said, throat full of tears. 

    “Tani, try to put a lil bitta lunch on a plate. See if Gammy’ll eat it.”

    “Yes ma’am.” Hopping to it, she gladly brought a small plate to the table and to their delight, she slowly picked up the food with her fingers and brought it to her mouth. Seeing their Gam eat for the first time in days brought relief to them and they began to eat their own lunch, small smiles drifting up on their faces. After lunch, the girls decided to bring the journal down from the attic, their reading it no longer a secret. Sitting in the foyer, the girls happened upon the next entry, lad to be near their Gam. 

 

 

*** 

 

    Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight 

 

Twenty fifth of September

 

 

    “How’s he doin Kira?” Looking up into the grim face of her mother, she swallowed thickly. 

    “Doin a’right I think. His swellin goin down. And he startin to get some color back.”

    “Thank Gawd.”

    “Yeah.”

    “He talkin yet?” 

    “No…not much.” Since it happened, he’d been uncharacteristically quiet. It made her sad. Sad to see him change. But then after an experience like that… who wouldn’t change? 

    “I made him some soup. Y’all welcome to it when y’all ready.”

    “Thanks Mama.” Giving a brave smile, she left the two of them alone. Since finding them on the porch days ago, Mama had become like a mother hen, not letting either one of them outta her sight. When Mama and Papa got home, they were horrified to find her and Joon in that same spot, her tears having soaked through his thin undershirt. She tried to keep her voice from wavering when she told them what happened but she failed. Mama hugged her tightly and began to cry, her tears mending the pain in hers. Unlike hers, hers were tears of thankfulness and perhaps sorrow. It took all of them to get him into the house and she wasn’t satisfied until he laid on the cot in her and Lily’s room.

    “Joon?” Though his face still held swelling, at least now you could see his eyes again. He stirred, turning to face her. 

    “You hungry sugah?” Licking his lips, he nodded some before turning to press his head against her chest. Feeling her heart swell, she gently cradled him close. 

    “We’ll eat then okay? And then I run you a bath. Okay?”

    “A’right.” His voice was quiet and soft, two things he was normally not.

    “I bring it in okay? Stay here.” His eyes watched her get up and leave the room. Coming to sit on the edge of the cot, he gripped the straw mattress tightly, fingers turning white. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and for a while, he couldn’t move. The door opened and she came back in with two bowls of steaming soup and some freshly baked bread. She was about to open her mouth when she caught his gaze. Watery with tears, it wasn’t sadness she saw. No, he trembled with rage and it scared her. She’d never seen him look like that. 

    “Joon…” He inhaled through his nostrils and pulled her against him, holding on tight to her. She gripped the bowls, trying not to spill them. He took a bowl from her and began to eat, even asking for her bowl which she gladly gave him. Seeing him eat so heartily brought a small smile to her and she watched him eat it all up until it was gone. Mama and Lily cleaned up just as she poured the last bucket of heated water into the basin. 

    “June Bug come on! It’s ready.” She didn’t hear any reply but soon she found him already with his shirt off. 

    “Gon get in.” He slowly stepped out of his trousers and obliged, hissing as he slowly sank into the hot water. 

    “Too hot?”

    “Just fine darlin.”

    “Good.” She came behind him and leaned his head back against her chest. Putting a sweet kiss on his lips, she grabbed a rag and began to gently wash him. 

    “This beats them baths of ice don’t it?” She attempted to joke but it didn’t rouse a humored response from him. In reality, those baths were terrifying. He’d shiver and shake so violently, the water would splash on the ground. She had to start getting in with him to get him to stop, her presence calming him down. 

    “Kira..” 

    “Hm?” She asked, scrubbing his chest carefully. 

    “Thank you.” Smiling against his hair, she let the rag drift out of her fingers and hugged him. 

    “Don’t thank me. It’s what I’m here for.”

    “But,”

    “Hush now sweet man a mine. Hush.” He closed his eyes and relaxed into her, letting her do as she wished. When he was all clean, she helped dry him off and get him into bed. He watched her yawn and snuggle closer to him. Reaching over, he grasped her hand and slowly brought it to his lips. Smiling sleepily, she inched closer and closer until she pressed her face against his chest, slipping a small leg in between his. Lifting a hand, he caressed her curls and pressed his forehead against hers. Seduced by her warm little body, he surrendered up to the sleep that egged him and it was the first night he slept all the way through. 

 

 

***

 

    His recovery hadn’t been easy and the thought of those rough nights struggling to keep him still in the ice cold water still brings tears to my eyes. The rope marks around his neck slowly faded and the swelling in his face continued to go down. Pa had sent for a doctor and initally, he’d gawked over Joon’s broken body, expressing his shock and wonder at him being alive. He didn’t know like I did…that Joon’s spirit was too tough to be broken. Over the next few weeks, he got better and better. But, the joy of his complete recovery didn’t last long. Fore we got a rude awakening one morning. 

 

*** 

 

 

    “WAKE UP YOU LAZY NIGGERS!” Jumping, she felt her heart thrash in her chest. To her surprise, Joon was up already and he leaned over the window, staring out intently. 

    “What’s goin on?”

    “Don’t know but I’m sure as hell about to find out.” He growled ominously and turned on his heel. 

    “Joon, wait!”  She hurriedly slipped into her dress and buttoned it up until she looked somewhat decent. Turning the corner, she found him putting on his shoes. 

    “You wait a minute now! Don’t go out there and get killed!” She said, reaching for his hand. 

    “You jus got better.” 

    “COME ON OUT FORE I COME IN THERE!” She recognized the voice. Mr. Du Pont. Their landlord from hell. Buttoning an extra button or two, she had her hand on the door knob just as Mama, Papa and Lily came to join them. 

    “What the sam hell goin on?” Lily.

    “Mister Pont don’t sound happy.” Mama lamented, face growing grim. 

    “Well let’s gon face the bastard.” Pa said gruffly, moving her out of the way. He opened the door and stepped out first. 

    “Good morning Mister Dupon.” 

    “Save me that bullshit Jimmy.”

    “What’s tha matter?”

    “Where’s that heifa of a wife you got? Bring her out here too.” She didn’t have to be called because she stepped forward, coming to stand right next to her man. 

    “Mornin Mister Pont.” 

    “I gotta question for you Tommie.”

    “Yessuh.”

    “What in the hell happened to the quota you promised me you’d finish by today?” She looked confused. 

    “It shoulda been in the storehouse Mister Pont.”

    “Well it wasn’t. Not a licka cotton was found.” 

    “That can’t be!” She rushed out, voice hard. His eyes lit up and he grinned, stewy brown teeth making her stomach furl up into a knot. 

    “Well well if it ain’t the youngest gal. Kira right?” She gripped her dress behind her. 

    “Yessuh.” He slid his eyes down her body. 

    “You don growed up mighty fine haven’t you?” She didn’t reply to that, instead found herself back behind a strong chest, hands tightly gripping her waist. The lustful glow in his eye dimmed and everybody grew quiet as the tension zapped through the air. 

    “I know you.” He spoke, voice steely. 

    “I know you too.” June Bug replied, voice sharp enough to slice.

    “You friends with these niggers?”

    “What business is it of yours you pocky faced bastard?” The two that were with him began to howl with laughter, eyes taking in the man, every muscle in his body ready for a fight.

    “Joon! Stop..” She laid her hands on his forearms. 

    “Calm down. Don’t cause no trouble.” But he couldn’t calm down. Not while that lazy eyed bitch eye fucked her, undressing her with every bat of his eyelashes. He moved her behind him, making DuPont grin, brown spittle oozed down his chin. He didn’t even bother wiping it away, turning eyes towards the man of the house.

    “Y’all got till sundown to get me my cotton.” He spit the stinky liquid at him. 

    “If you don’t, I’m not sure even Kira here will be enough payment.” He laughed before turning and starting to head to his car. He gripped her tight enough to hurt as they watched him drive away. 

    “Get to the store house.” Papa ordered, heading towards the backyard. They all scrambled to make it there and once the doors were shoved open, their hearts sank. 

    “Where the hell did it go? We put it here. We even put the extra here too.” Lily exclaimed, walking in further. Mama started to cry, covering her face with her tired weathered hands. 

    “He burnt it.” Joon’s voice brought their attention to him. 

    “He did what?”

    “You don’t smell it? The ash?” Inhaling deeply, she felt fury light her up. It faintly smelled like smoke. 

    “That sonna bitch did burn it!” 

    “Lily! Watch your mouth!” Papa reprimanded, angry eyes set on her. She knew better than to talk back but she grit her jaws shut before turning her gaze elsewhere. 

    “What we gon do? We can’t pick that much cotton before sundown.” Mama wept, sniffling. 

    “We’ll help Mama. We ain’t got no choice.” Joon let go of her and sauntered up to the weeping woman. 

    “Don’t cry Ma. We’ll figure it out.” Delighted that he was sounding like himself again, she sniffed and pressed her face against him, letting him rub small circles in her back. 

    “I’ll get Dipp, Scat, Frog and whoever else I know know the field down here. We’ll make this work.” 

 

***

        

    Make it work we did. June Bug had gathered a big group of people. Those from church. Those from the general store. Some that was at our wedding. A tiny village of people flocked up into our plot, all ready to get to business. Tying my hair back, I didn’t bother changing out of my dress. Joon kissed my hand before pulling me out to the field and soon, old work songs drifted up in the air. 

 

 

*** 

 

 

    When DuPont strolled up the drive, the small family of them stood on the porch, faces steely despite their bodies being worn with fatigue. When he saw all the bags of cotton stretching the expanse of their porch, he whistled. It was ten times what they’d picked before and it was impressive to see.

    “Y’all jus needed a lil push now didnja?”

    “We kept our end of the deal Mister DuPont.” James Burnett Sr. said, stepping in front of the women. June Bug joined him, jaw tight. 

    “Yeah and what do you want? A reward? Ya reward is keepin this piece a shit shack as a roof ova y’all head. That’s all the reward y’all get.” Papa was about to say something when June Bug beat him to the punch. 

    “You got what you came for. Now take it and leave.” He lifted his eyebrows. 

    “You sure is ballsy boy.” 

    “Y’all devils have gone on too long without consequence and now you think you’re invincible. Someone gotta put you in place. ” He shot back, lip snarled up. DuPont grinned. 

    “You must like these animals real good to challenge me boy.” The man chuckled and whistled at his two lanky sons who started for the cotton. 

    “Everything on this piece of land belong to me.” His eyes strayed past Joon and locked dead with hers. 

    “Even them pretty grey eyes. If I wanted em, I could and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.” That made Joon tighten up and he gripped his hands together into fists. 

    “Over my dead fucking body.”  Du Pont roared with laughter and started for him. 

    
    “That can definitely be arranged.”  He came closer until they were looking at each other. 

    “Here in the good ol state of Georgia we know our place and we stay in it. Even these niggers know theirs.” Looking up at him, Du Pont sneered. 

    “Find yours before somethin mean happen to you. Or her.” He wanted to punch all the grimy teeth out of his mouth but instead, tightened his grip on the small fingers that had slipped in between his. They loaded up his car with as much as they could. 

    “I be back for the rest in the mornin.” He said dismissively, starting up the engine. Without another word, his big black Ford disappeared down the road in a cloud of dust.

 

***

 

 

    “How long?” 

    “What?” She asked softly, voice trembling.

    “How long he been lookin at you like that?” She licked her lips nervously as Ma came to place a plate of food in front of her. 

    “Ion quite know. Maybe since I was lil.” 

    “June Bug,” Lifting those beautiful moon eyes upward to her Mama, he clenched his jaw.

    “You needa mind yourself now. Don’t go itchin for anotha fight. Not so soon.” 

    “Yes ma’am.” He replied quietly, eying the food that was placed in front of him. 

    “You ain’t the only one who’s pissed off. But I got these here girls to think about Chanjoon. You got a wife to think about.” Nodding in silence, he inhaled deeply, breath angry.

 

*** 

 

 

    At the wash basin, I asked Mama how it was that June Bug knew Mr. Du Pont. Not expecting her to really know, I was very surprised when she began to tell me all about it. What she’d heard from his wife. She’d caught her up in the general store and boldly told her… proudly told her that her husband, Mr. Bill DuPont had seen Joon and I making love one day. Told her that he was horrified to see his sharecropper’s daughter rutting with some strange looking man and vowed to get to the bottom of it. 

    Reflecting back on it now, that day…inspired a nightmare. A nightmare I still see in my dreams. I found out much much later that he did it out of jealousy. The details as to his infatuation with me would come later after Joon was gone. But even so… I have never forgiven him for what he did. He threatened to take everything away from me. All of my happiness. 

 

 

*** 

 

    Fingers curled up around a cigarette as eyes followed every movement of the beautiful little woman in front of him.In just her shift, she knelt over a large wash basin and scrubbed against a washing board. He’d woke up to find the cot empty, the place where she’d been sleeping next to him still warm. Curiousity had led him outside and he was pleased in what he found. She lifted on the balls of her feet and used all of her strength to push the article of clothing down the board. The movement caused her shift to lift in the back and he exhaled, eyes taking in partially exposed cheeks that seemed to bob as she moved. 

    “Lookit you out here bein a creep.” Inhaling the nicotine deeply, he met the teasing eyes of his dear Lily Bean. 

    “Am not.” He replied with a grin. 

    “Are too. Didnja just get somma her honey pot?”

    “Mind ya business lil gal.” He said with a chuckle, coming to poke the forehead that peeked out of the front door. She grinned and poked out her chest. 

    “She told me you ain’t go all out. Why?” Eyes admired every inch of her body and finally she stopped, lifting on her knees to sigh and wipe sweat from her brow. 

    “One thing men need to learn is that it’s not always about them.” Interest peaked, she listened as he continued, leaning back against the edge of the door. 

    “A woman’s body is meant to be adored, appreciated and loved. A real man makes sure her pleasure comes first. Always.” 

    “My, where’d you read that?” 

    “S’not somethin you read Lily. S’only somethin you learn with maturity.” The two watched as Kira went over to the well and took the bucket of water she’d gotten and washed her face with a rag. 

    “I see.” After getting a start on laundry, she’d come back inside and started breakfast, waking up the house with the smell of sizzling bacon and hotcakes. 

    “Don’t that smell mighty good.” He mused, coming behind her, taking hold of her waist. Cheeks red, she blushed as he kissed her shoulder. 

    “Mornin June Bug.”

    “Mornin pretty gal.” 

    “Figured y’all be hungry so I fixed y’all breakfast.”

    “Whew what smellin good in here?” The two turned to see Lily and their Mama and Papa starting to rise. 

    “It’s ready so come an eat Lil.” She giggled as they all headed to the table. She fixed a plate and was about to put it down in front of her Papa when he stopped her. 

    “Serve ya husband first Kira.” Blushing, she didn’t object and placed it down in front of him, cheeks to her surprise equally as red. 

    “Thank you sweetheart.”

    “Welcome.” After serving everybody, she grabbed her own plate and sat down at the table while Papa said grace. When all was said and done, the family began to chow down, filling her heart with joy. She loved watchin everybody enjoy her cookin. 

    “Kira, ya Mama and I are goin up to Atlanta for the weekend.” Blinking in surprise at the sudden outburst, her expression matched June Bug’s and Lily’s as they all looked at them. 

    “But…who…when…” Mama laughed, putting her fork down.

    “We might be ol but we ain’t dead baby.”

    “Mama! I ain’t need that image in my head!” Lily protested, covering her face. Papa grinned quite boyishly and Mama continued, giggling, 

    “Besides, we figured we’d give the newlyweds some time alone.” Cheeks flushed. 

    “W-what about the plot?”

    “What about it? Y’all know what to do. You an Lily.” Pa said confidently as he dipped some bacon into the syrup. 

    “Yeah but…”

    “Joon’ll help you. I’m sure of it.” Now it was her turn to look at him incredulously. 

    “The last time you was in a cotton field you was seven years ol.” He grinned. 

    “No it wasn’t.”

    “Joon know these here fields like the back of his hand now Kira.”

    “We’ll only be gone for two nights now. We’ll be back before you know it.”

    “Where y’all gon stay Papa?”

    “Somewhere safe.” He offered no other reply and kissed her forehead. 

    “Mind yaselves nah.” Pursing her lips, she kept quiet as they placed their plates into the basin and went to get their trunks.With a toot of the horn, they pulled away from the house, leaving the three of them baffled. 

    “They couldn’t wait to kick us to the curb.” Lily complained, crossing her arms at the vanishing car. 

    “When’s the last time Ma and Pa went somewhere?”

    “Can’t remember when.” June Bug stretched, lifting his arms above his head. 

    “Well, let’s hop to it y’all. This field’s ripe with cotton.” Lily nodded. 

    “Might as well. Y’all know how Mr. DuPont is about his quotas.” She said heading into the house. Returning to the porch in a pair of light pants and a brassiere, she’d tied her head with a rag and held her bag, waiting for them to get a move on. 

    “You pickin like that?” She asked, glancing over her appearance. 

    “Girl, don’t question me about what I got on. You know it’s hot as hell out here. If you was wise, you’d wear the same thing.” But the only thing she did was braid her hair and pin it around her head, covering it with a rag. Finding the other two ready, they started for the large expanse of white gold, ripe for the picking. 

 

 

*** 

 

     One full hour in felt like four and after breaking for lunch they were back at it, picking underneath the scorching heat of the sun. It seemed to bake her skin and a dark pool of sweat soaked her dress. 

    “You think we gotta nough?” Lily asked, lifting an arm to wipe the dripping sweat from her forehead. 

    “I think so. We made quick work gals what you think?” Joon said, lifting the rag to wipe his brow. 

    “I’d say. You picked two times what Kira an I did.” He simply grinned. 

    “Seems Pa was right bout me huh Kira girl?” 

    “So you a good field hand…Don’t be boastin now.”

    “All that back talk gon get you a slap on that rumpa yours.” Lily started laughing and she pulled her close. 

    “Y’all too much. Gawd.” She sucked her teeth and hoisted her sack up on her back, Lily having let go. 

    “Y’all hungry?”

    “Starvin.”

    “Mama made some elderberry pie and homemade ice cream as a farewell present.”

    “That sounds nighty good right about now.”

    “Maybe I head down to the store and get a coupla steaks. After a day in the field, we need somethin heavy to keep us goin.”

    “While you at it, gon get us some beer.” 

    “Oh so you tryna have a party huh?”

    “Best have fun now before Ma and Pa come back right?” He skinned and grinned, winking flirtatiously at her. 

    “Mmhm, y’all gon have a whole buncha fun without me cause I’m fixin to leave y’all asses.” 

    “And go where exactly?” She asked as they made their way to the house. 

    “I got friends thank you very much.”

    “Hopefully, it’s a female friend.” June Bug said with a slight frown. 

    “Yes Dad. It’s a female friend. Gawd you act like James Burnett Jr. and Daddy all wrapped in one.”

    “Wouldn’t have it any other way. I ain’t tryna have y’all daddy bury me ten feet unda.” The two sisters smirked and finally the three unloaded their heavy prizes, fingers prick free save a few scratches she had on her fingers. 

    “A’right. I’ma get them steaks and bring back some beer.”

    “Be safe Lily. Please.”

    “Always baby sistah. Always.” Waving at them, Lily headed into the house and returned, short sleeved shirt on. 

    “Drive my car Lily.” June Bug said, grabbing hold of her waist and setting her up onto the porch. 

    “Cool.”

    “Bring it back in one piece hear?”

    “Yeah yeah yeah.” Fanning herself, she headed into the kitchen and washed her hands in the basin. 

    “You did good out there Kira girl.” Turning, she found Joon eying her and the look within them was predatory. 

    “T-Thank you. You did a’right yaself.” He’d plucked his sweat soaked shirt off and Gawd help her he glistened with the sweat of the field. Shined like a golden penny. Her entire mouf dry dry. 

    “Want some ice tea?” She asked, stooping to open the ice box, pulling out the pitcher and an ice tray. 

    “Iced tea no.” He replied, starting to come around the side of the large freestanding cabinet. She gripped the counter as he neared her, coming to hover over her. 

    “J-Joon…”

    “I want somethin else.” Her cheeks blushed but she didn’t move from him. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her bottom lip. Lifting hands to his chest, she pressed her palms flat against his skin, warm and flushed from the heat.  Humming against her mouth, he slowly began to unbutton her dress, kissing every inch of exposed skin. 

    “You’re burnin up darlin.” He dipped low to kiss her shoulder and she let her head fall back, soon assaulted by his lips. 

    “Let me cool you off sweetheart.” Somethin cold slid down her skin, bringing a sharp gasp to her. It glided across her hot flesh, making her shiver in delight. 

    “How’s that feel?” He asked, leaving a cold wet trail down the center of her stomach. 

    “Good…” She breathed as another cube circled one of her breasts. Moaning softly, the cold instantly caused her nipple to tighten. Wetness started up in between her thighs and it seemed to gush as he pulled the sensitive little mass into his mouth, melting the ice with the heat of his tongue. 

    “Joon….” Groaning softly against her, he sucked loudly before letting go of her. His breath was warm as it floated up across her neck and cool lips took hers, making her melt like putty under him. He didn’t say anything as he lifted her up into his arms, sitting her on top of the counter top. 

    “We’re alone now. Ain’t no needin bein shy Kira girl.” Cheeks rosy, she sifted fingers through his hair.  He lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips. 

    “W-what about Lily?”

    “What about her?” He asked lowly, nipping her collarbone. 

    “She sure to be on her way back home now.” A sound of disapproval vibrated against her skin and he pressed his hands flat behind her. 

    “Guess you right.” Fingers slipping up his strong taunt biceps, she licked her bottom lip. He began to button her dress back up just in time too because Lily came into the house not a moment later. At the sight of them, she froze in her tracks. 

    “Looks like I’m interruptin somethin.” She teased, grinning wide. 

    “Only thing you gettin in the way of is that steak bein in my belly. Come on here girl bring the food here.” June Bug teased back, coming to grab the groceries from her. 

 

*** 

 

    The next day was the beginning of the nightmare. Had I been aware, had I been bold, I would have tried to prevent it from happening at all. 

 

*** 

    Feet approached the property, a thick brown liquid squirting into the grass from thin white lips. The Negro and Negress didn’t wake up early this mornin and he didn’t hear them rustlin in the field either. That was plenty odd. Up ahead, he saw one of the daughters, the dark one stand, the billowing white sheets on the line bringing her in and out of vision. He watched as she slowly slipped out of the dress she had on and stopped mid stride. Almost immediately, he felt a stirring in his groin.

     Picking up his feet, he almost eagerly kept forward, ready to see more of her. Unbeknownst to his wife, he’d watched her grow up with pleasure, delighting in the small budding breasts and hips that had grown round. He secretly preferred her to the high yella one and often nights fantasized about her. Maybe it was those damn grey eyes of hers but ever since she was young, he’d been bewitched. Her dark dusky skin and silky curly hair made his fingers itch on more than one occasion. 

    Quieting his steps, he caught the sight of a man twisting the wheel of their well and for a moment, soaked him up too. He was nicely built, tall and lean, muscle all over him. He watched as his biceps flexed, sweat covering them. His skin was a golden color and his hair was messy and wet, curling up slightly at the nape of his neck. His pretty little negress walked over to him and leaned down over him, wrapping arms around his neck, dark body glistening with sweat. He lifted his eyebrow at the view before the large white billowed, hiding them from sight. My my, what had he run into he wondered.

    The sound of water splashing caused his ears to perk up and he thanked Gawd when the white garment lifted almost completely. The girl stood drenched in water, drops of it falling off the smooth round cheeks of her ass. Licking his lips, he watched as the man knelt, taking a shiny little nipple into his mouth, hands soon coming to grab more than a handful of her derriere. The sweet moan that drifted up from her throat had him aching somethin terrible and he spit out the lump of tobacco, now dry along with the rest of his mouth. She lifted her hands and glided them down across the impressive expanse of the man’s  and fingered the button to his trousers. Soon the garment met his feet and he heard an audible gasp of surprise as she viewed the outline of the man’s arousal against his thigh. Close enough to see the blush that took over her cheeks, he watched as she slowly kneeled below him, fingers gently tracing the shape of him. 

 

*** 

 

    “Fronnie what does it say?” Gripping the book, she felt a wave of fury hit her in the chest. 

    “Somebody’s watchin them.” Tani’s eyes grew wide. 

    “What?”

    “Yeah. Whoever he is, he know Gam.” 

    “White man?”

    “I think so. I can’t see June Bug’s friends doin this.” 

    “Who you think it is?”

    “Ion know but I want him to stop.” 

    “Come on then, read!” Licking her lips, she began to read again and it made her skin crawl. It was strange but it almost felt like the man wrote this and not Gammy. The lens in which he viewed them was disgusting and not one detail was spared.

 

*** 

 

    Fingers slipped into his trousers and he pulled out his erect member, slowly starting to stroke it. For the life of him he couldn’t remember her name but at the moment it didn’t matter. She admired the man’s quite obvious well endowment and just for a moment even he was in complete awe. It was a thick healthy lookin cock if he ever saw one, engorged with so much blood it looked threatening. Thick veins covered him like rope and he donned an ideal pair of balls, round and heavy. Watching her full lips spread across the perfectly shaped mushroom head, he felt an intense jealousy stab him in the gut, making him pause his hand. Now that they were facing him, he got a good look at the man’s face. To his relief, he wasn’t a white man. But he wasn’t a nigger either. It was clear he wasn’t even a half breed, a mulatto. What are you you big bastard? He found himself wondering. 

    Distracted by his thoughts, gentle sucking brought his attention back and his hand started up again. They were quite the mix-matched pair what with him being so big and tall and her bein such a petite little thing. It was clear she was inexperienced and perhaps this was her first taste of cock. But his negress certainly did her best, taking what she could into her mouth.  The man slid fingers into her hair, now down her back. He groaned loudly, head tilt back as she began to bob her head, moaning softly at the tightened fingers in her strands. He bit his lip to keep a groan from escaping as the gentle sucking grew obscenely wet and wanton, spittle starting to ooze down her chin. 

    “Mm you look so fuckin pretty like that Kira girl.” The man praised, licking his lips as she dipped again. Kira. That’s what her name was. Kira. Pretty she looked indeed. Seeing her act like a greedy little whore did somethin to him and he felt the burn of oncoming release hit him in his stomach.

    Panting, he watched as suddenly the man forced her to stop, grabbing hold of her throat. She grew still and lifted stormy grey eyes to his. 

    “Come here baby.” Blush still in her cheeks, she pulled her mouth off of him and slowly stood, welcoming the man’s hungry kiss. He lifted her up into his arms and the billow of white hid them from view, making him curse under his breath. 

 

*** 

 

    “Gawd, he makes me wanna throw up.” Tani said with her face twisted up. She shared the sentiment. Somethin that was supposed to be a beautiful moment between the two of them had turned into a perverted show, a display of lustful voyeurism. 

    “When will he go away?”

    “Ion know Tani. But this man deserves to have all of his teeth punched out.” 

    “Yeah…” 

    “How you holdin up? I know this bit is really graphic.”

    “Well you wordin it as nicely as you can given the material. You givin June Bug and Gam some decency.”

    “It wouldn’t be right unless I did.” 

    “I’m jus ready for the two of them to sail away to their own island and be away from everybody. I want them to be together and undisturbed.” Taking in the manuscript, she grew stiff. The words were sloppy and uneven, not like the neat proper handwriting of their Gam. The entry was loose leaf and seemed to be inserted separately from the journal itself.  So, she was right. Whoever this man was… he did write this. It made her sick to have to see them through his eyes, through his lens, in his voice. But the only way they’d move through this is if they continued on. Eager to get back to Gam’s voice, she opened her mouth and began to read. 

 

*** 

 

    Bodies writhed on the ground and dust stuck to her skin as they moved against each other. The man had been careful, slow and steady and once he slipped into that warm wet little cavern, she’d wrapped her arms around his neck and he’d lifted her up, letting her body adjust to his size and girth. Once she had, he pressed his body against hers and lifted her leg, keeping it firmly pressed against the firm toned cheeks of his ass. He greedily soaked up every preen, holler and scream that came from the girl and he wanted more. It excited him to know the quiet little girl could indeed get very loud when she wanted to. Panting louder, the first stream of seed left his body and spilled onto the grass.             

    Licking his lips raw, he watched as the man brought her to sit on his lap, choosing to sit in a chair by the billowing drying clothes. Body wet with sweat, she wrapped her arms around the man and kissed him, moving her hips against his slow and lazy. He hummed into her mouth and pushed the throbbing head of his trunk against her. She pushed down with her hips and slowly he disappeared inside of her. 

    “Oh fuck..” The bastard groaned, grabbing her cheeks tightly. She purred like a kitten the deeper he got and soon his balls nestled against her. He wasn’t aware that he was drooling but at the moment, he wasn’t giving a shit about it. All he cared about was that perfectly round ass that seemed to ripple and shake the more she moved on top of him. It was fascinating, how a woman’s backside could move like that and he briefly lamented when an image of his wife’s derriere came into his mind. It couldn’t compare to those beautiful black globes. She arched her back and rolled her eyes back as the man grabbed handfuls of her hair. 

    “Ride me like you mean it Kira. Don’t be shy.” She took direction really well and sounds of wet flesh overloaded his ears, making him grunt. 

    “That’s it baby. Make it yours.” He panted out, face contorted with pleasure. Her moans had become sweeter, louder and more lewd to his delight and he spurt into the grass a second time just as the wet slapping stopped. Their groans mixed well and they panted, holding tight to each other. 

    She lifted his face from in between her breasts and kissed him slow and sweet, speaking low against his mouth. 

    “I love you too.” He replied with another kiss,  dipping to kiss a breast. He turned and pressed his back against the side of the house, already filling up again. How greedy he’d become but he’d always been lucky. He couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this and sifted fingers through his salt and pepper hair. This was the closest he’d get to fucking the tempting little bitch and it pained him that he hadn’t taken her for real when he had the chance. He’d had plenty a opportunity and he’d let her slip through his fingers into the arms of a slanty eyed horse built motherfucker. Sure, he wasn’t that endowed but she never would have known a cock outside of his. He would have made sure of it. 

    Jealousy lit him up like a match and he turned his head to look at them again. They stood by the well, embracing and kissing one another. Glistening with her wet nectar, his manhood bobbed against her stomach. He leaned her back against the edge of the well. Taking her by the waist, he turned her around. 

    “Bend over sweetheart.” Biting her lips, she slowly bent over, making sure she held nice and tight to the massive wheel above her. Kneeling, he took hold of her cheeks and pressed loving kisses to them, the action making her mewl. Gripping a little tighter, he spread her open and pressed his face against her. When he had her womanhood dripping wetness down her thighs, he stood and lifted himself, teasing her opening. She moved back against him, silently begging him to enter. Lifting a hand, he gave her rump a solid smack, bringing a delightful new sound from her throat. Half pain. Half pleasure. His lips spread into a grin. She liked that. Liked it a whole lot

    “Be patient lil gal.” The man chastised, coming to tease her again. Her breath was labored and she groaned in frustration at the torturous game he was playing. The beautiful sound of pleasure mixed with pain came louder this time as the man gave her hide another solid smack, this time to the other cheek, lovingly caressing it afterwards. She bit her lips to shreds and tried to inhale normally. 

    Deciding he was done playing, he grabbed ahold of her hips and slowly began to ease his way into her warm welcoming little hole, forcing her to take every inch of him. The tantalizing little negress sobbed like a bitch in heat and crumbled as one of his hands took hold of her throat. His manhood wept at the sight and he licked his lips sloppily, slimy spittle coating them like a film. He was rougher with her this time and it pleased him to see it. A real man took his woman’s pussy and made it his. No questions asked. 

    In no time, her body trembled and shook, that delicious ass of hers recoiling back against him. A jolt of pleasure hit his toes watching her scream and holler for him. 

    “Oh gawd Chanjoon…” She wailed, gripping the wheel like her life depended on it. He leaned down and pressed kisses in the space in between her neck and shoulder. He held her flush as he pumped into her and she took a hand from the wheel, using it to slide up across his fingers on her throat. With his free hand, he slowly gripping her breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. A few hard thrusts and climax enraptured them like a tidal wave. The man took her mouth with a loud groan, hand leaving her throat to wrap around her body, holding her as if she might disappear.

    He bit his lip to keep from hollerin, a couple weak spurts of semen whizzing towards the ground. He wished he was the one filling her with seed, lamenting again at his lack of action when it came to his desire to have the girl. He listened to their joined panting and the sound of lips kissing and inhaled deeply through his nostrils. His little adventure had come to an end and in the midst of it all, he learned somethin new about Kira Burnett, the youngest daughter. Hastily pulling up his trousers, he chuckled to himself, slipped a new fresh piece of tobacco in his mouth and headed back the way he came. 

 

 

*** 

 

 

 

    God seems to have redeemed Joon and I because so many years later, I found out that Du Pont had died of a sick debilitating disease. Word has it that it turned his privates into a mess of white pus filled lesions. That night after he’d made his unwelcome arrival, June Bug and I had one of the biggest arguments I can recount. It was one that proved to shape the rest of our marriage and looking back on it now, I am glad we had it. Then, I couldn’t see that Joon wasn’t fighting against me. He wasn’t fighting against us. On the contrary, he fought tooth and nail for our right to exist. To love. And he remained passionate about it until the very end. 

 

*** 

 

    “What is your problem?”

    “Excuse me?” She gripped one of the chairs. 

    “You heard what I said Joon.” He got up slowly from his chair, having sat while she cleaned up the kitchen. and came towards her. 

    “I need a little bit more from you than what’s my problem.” 

    “You out here pickin fights with the wrong people! Wasn’t it enough that they did what they did to you? Do you want more?” She hissed, lifting her chin defiantly. 

    “If that’s what it takes then so be it.” His response did something to her and she shoved him. 

    “Admit it! Admit that it’s all about your damn ego! Some foolish inklin of male pride.”

    “If you don’t know how I am in all this time then I can’t do anything about it. You should know by now that I won’t let anything happen to you. I don’t give a fuck who it is. They won’t hurt you.” She felt angry tears come to her eyes and she slapped him. 

    “You think I enjoyed watchin you swing from the banister?! You think I wanted that?!” She raised her voice, pushing at his chest again. He grabbed her by the arms, tight enough to hurt. 

    “You don’t fucking get it do you?” He let go of her arms and backed her against the wall lifting his high above her, his intense gaze coming eye level to hers. 

    “I’ll be good and gawddamned if I see you hanging from a tree Kira.” 

    “Watch your mouth!”

    “You watch yours.” He shot back, face growing closer. She turned her head away from him, breath angry.

    “You still wanna be that safe lil girl who wants to stay in her place. But in case you haven’t fuckin noticed Kira, ain’t nothin about me safe. You always gonna be outta place with me for the rest of your life.” He grabbed her chin and made her look at him. 

    “When you gonna realize that the place you been forced into ain’t shit? When you gon realize what I’m tryna do?” She didn’t answer, just looked at him with angry eyes.

    “It ain’t ever been about you or me! It ain’t got a damn thing to do with color so stop fucking saying that. It’s about power and it’s about control. That’s it and that’s all.” 

    Damn him and damn her body for relinquishing complete control of itself as his lips kissed her jaw. He took a deep breath. 

    “I’m fuckin tired of this damn place. Tired of people tellin me what’s unnatural. How I should feel and who the fuck I should be in love with.” His voice was gentle like and his touch even more so. She felt more tears well up in her eyes at his now soft gaze, bottom lip trembling.

    “I love Georgia just as much as I hate her and right about now the hatred outweighing the love.” She sucked in a breath as he kissed the corner of her mouth. 

    “If I can’t have the freedom to decide my life then there’s no point in living it.” Sighing, the anger was leaving his breath and he took her lips in a full kiss, the feeling in her legs threatening to give out. 

    “Don’t you want the same baby? Don’t you want to be able to choose your life?” Everything in her screamed yes and she softly spoke the word against his mouth. 

    “Say it like you mean it.” Eyes filling with resolve, she lifted her chin and stood at her tallest. 

    “Yes. I do.” Letting go of her chin, he pulled away from her a little bit, coming to put his hands in his pockets. 

    “That’s my girl.” 

 

*** 

 

     Happiness was an emotion that didn’t last long. I have found that in my life it never does. It always seems to be fleeting. Sporadic and unpredictable. Good for here and gone the next. But, it was something with him I felt all the time. It never waned or died out. It was a consistent constant thing and I knew I’d have either fight to keep it or lose it in sacrifice. 

    He sat down in the chair at the dining table and lit a cigarette and soon I followed, kneeling beneath him. Quietly I took off his shoes, his words spinning around in my head. Quietly massaged his feet. When I lifted, he pulled me to sit his lap and for a while, he just held me, occasionally kissing my neck and shoulder. Wiped the sweat from my brow. That was the beginning of the shift in our lives and everything that happened had led up to this point.

 

*** 

 

    “Ma…Pa…” The two looked up to find Joon shifting his feet, jaw tight. 

    “What’s wrong baby?” Her mother asked, starting to look worried. 

    “No ma’am… nothin’s wrong. I wanted to talk to y’all about somethin. Somethin Kira and I been discussin.” 

    “Sit down son.” Obliging, he took a breath. 

    “Kira and I want to move to Chicago.” Blunt and straightforward, he got right to the point. Just the way James Burnett Sr. liked. The two of them looked at each other for a while and when they glanced at him again, they found Kira lingering off by the door. 

    “Why Chicago?” James asked, taking a sip of his morning cuppa joe. 

    “It’s where Kira and I got married first of all. And they don’t have Jim Crow laws like they do down here.” 

    “Ah.” 

    “Kira and I’ll have a better chance at life and right now, my top priority is making sure she’s safe.”

    “But what about you June Bug?” Her mama asked, reaching for his hand. 

    “Don’t have so lil regard for yo life either. Kira need you jus as much as you need her.” Taking the woman’s hand and pressing a kiss to it, he smiled some, eyes gentle. 

    “My life is hers to have and to destroy. She should be allowed to decide what she wants to do with it Ma.” Nodding with teary eyes, she squeezed his hand. 

    “I’ve brought enough trouble in this house and I won’t have any more of it.”

    “It’s not your fault.”

    “Don’t matter. It’s bad enough that bastard has ties to the Klan. More than that, he pickin on y’all because a me and I won’t let it get any worse. Y’all don’t deserve it.” To that they could not argue and James sighed heavily. 

    “Chanjoon.” Lifting his eyes, he met her father’s gaze strongly. 

    “Yessuh.”

    “You do whatever you think is best for my baby girl. If Chicago is the place then so be it.” 

    “Yessuh. Thank you suh.” He took his other hand and gave it a firm squeeze. 

 

*** 

 

    In November of Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight, Joon and I packed up what little belongings we had and said goodbye to the life we’d always known. The place we’d always known. I hugged my mother and cried harder than I’d ever cried before and she held me the way she used to when I was little. 

    “My sweet sweet baby. Darlin girl.” She rocked me and I sniffed as we separated. Lily came to hug me next and the tears of sisters ensued. I promised her that I wasn’t gonna be no stranger and neither should she. I told her that at any moment should she decide she wanted a chance, she would always be welcome to stay with June Bug and I. He swallowed her in a hug and she sobbed against his chest like a baby, somethin Lilian Burnett never did. He kissed her temple and told her to stop, told her she was ugly when she cried. Last but not least…Papa. He was firm and didn’t show much outward emotion but his eyes said everything. His worry. His love. His sadness. I didn’t speak as I approached him, just let his arms cover me. I held him for the longest and when we part, he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

     Joon was surrounded by his parents’ love and arms and he quieted his weeping mother with kisses. His father clapped his back and held on tight to him before taking hold of his cheeks. 

    “Be good my boy. Be safe.” 

    “I will Pa.” The taxi driver gingerly announced that it was time to go and I gave them all a brave albeit watery smile before taking Joon’s hand. The taxi put both of our trunks in and we slipped inside. I watched my childhood home fade from view and only when we were far enough away did I start to cry. 

 

 

The next three years of my life were some of the best years of my adult life. I will always remember them fondly. We went from living with some of his parent’s relatives to finally owning our own house. He surprising me with it one spring evening after work. We’d survived our first Chicago winter, the brutal winds and snow sharpening our will. He’d found a good job working in a private practice and he’d taken me along with him, requesting that I be trained to be his secretary. The white man who owned the practice had been hesitant at first but once he’d seen how quickly I picked everything up, he gave me the position. I had to be the first and only black woman given a position of importance, a position where I could have some semblance of self respect. 

    Over the three years we lived in Chicago, I like to think I made Jimmy, Mama and Papa proud. Lily had come up to visit on several occasions, teasing us about when we was gon have children and trash talkin the ‘big arrogant Northern Negros’ she’d come across in her travels. For the first time in my life, I was given agency. I was given the choice to decide what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live. Chicago was the only place outside of New York where I didn’t have to be afraid to walk with June Bug at night. It was the second place where we could exist and love openly. 

    After seeing how good Joon was as a doctor, the white owner of the practice funded the opening of his very own practice. Joon marketed it towards only minorities initially but came to accept small amounts of white patients too. To this day, Mr. Jones had to be one of the only white men I knew that Joon came to like and got along with. Things went so well and then… then like all the other things in my life, they were snatched from me with no warning. 

 

 

*** 

 

Nineteen Hundred and Forty One 

 

    “Kira, where you at gal?” She was in the kitchen and had been so shocked that she had dropped a plate or two. 

    “What’s wrong?” Turning towards the voice of her husband, she glanced down at the smashed china on the ground. 

    “Darn it. I…I’m sorry. I heard somethin on the radio and it surprised me.” 

    “What was it?” June Bug asked, coming to undo his tie. 

    “Seems there’s an attack on some harbor in Hawaii.” 

    “Hawaii?”

    “Yeah. They say we goin to war.” He came to kneel in front of her to pick up the pieces of china. 

    “Sounds like we got us plentiya war right here at home don’t it?” 

    “Careful darlin you’ll cut yourself.” He waved her off and picked up the rest, heading for the trash bin. 

    “Before we head off into war to fight others, we best be tryna fix what we got goin on here.” 

    “I agree.”

    “Well enough of that kinda talk.” She came up to him, grabbing him by the shirt. 

    “I made ya favorite for dinner.” 

    “Pot roast?”

    “With the patatas and cabbage too.” Wiggling his eyebrows playfully, he pulled her closer. 

    “I don’t know what I would be without you Kira gal.”

    “Hungry and pitiful.” She shot back, grin coming to her face as she pulled away from him. 

    “You lucky you cute with yo back talkin self.” He grinned, playfully giving her rump a smack. 

    “Down boy.” 

    “Oh I’m jus’ gettin started.” Biting her lips, she turned her head towards him. 

    “Gon get ready fore dinner and stop playin.” 

    “Only if you gimme a kiss and ask realllllll nice.” 

    “Joon,”

    “Come on now. I’d hate to have all this good food get col.” Playfully sucking her teeth, she sauntered back over to him and stood on her tippy toes, kissing him real proper. 

    “Please.”

    “Please what lil gal?” His hands took hold of her derriere. 

    “Gon get ready fa dinner.” His lips pressed against hers again and there wasn’t a thing proper bout it. He hummed against her mouth and gripped her nice and tight. 

    “I promise I gotta sweet treat for you after.” He licked her bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth. She moaned softly as her feet met the ground again. Her gaze was coquettish as she slipped outta his grasp. He slowly lifted hands to undo his tie, dark intense eyes watching as she went over to the table. 

    “Bring that fine tail a yours on over here and let’s eat.” Grinning slowly, he started for her. 

    “Yes ma’am.” His voice drawled, thick like honey and smooth like a glassa moonshine. 

 

*** 

 

    It happened so fast and for some reason, I didn’t think it could happen. Not to me. Not to us. I blame my naïveté and my intensely potent love and adoration for my man. When he stepped inside from a day at work, I could see it in his face. It was an expression I hadn’t seen for a long time. Not since Jimmy died. It was grim, serious and heavy.

 

*** 

 

    “Kira, sit down.” Wiping her hands on her apron, she licked her teeth and turned to face him. Something about his tone wasn’t right. 

    “What’s the matter sweet man?” She asked, starting to reach for him. He sighed heavily and kissed her fingers. 

    “Just…sit down for me baby. I gotta… gotta tell you somethin.” Nervousness hit her like a train but she tried to go to the table as calmly as she could. Licking her lips, she watched as he came closer, pulling out an envelope from his pant pocket.     

    “I know you know what’s going on right now. It’s so hard to ignore.” He started and the nervousness spread as she caught his hand shaking. Joon’s hand ever shook. 

    “Do you know what a draft is sweetheart?” Shaking her head, she reached out to stop that damn shaking, gripping his fingers tight. 

    “It’s a requirement by law. For military service.” The spit dried up in her mouth and her heart got to beating extra hard. 

    “Requirement by law?” He balled his lips and handed it to her, watching as she began to read and by the end her eyes had started misting. It wasn’t a letter of offer. It demanded that Mr. Chanjoon Jung report for duty in the fight for America and the freedom of its citizens. When she got done, she lifted eyes to his and he said nothing in return, leaning down to press his face against her neck. Gently lifting her hand, she let the letter drop and instead took hold of his hair, welcoming the tears that had been building. 

 

*** 

 

    “Oh no… no it can’t be. He can’t.” Tani said softly, eyes watery. Fronnie didn’t say much, instead just took a deep breath and licked her lips. 

    “It’s all startin to make sense.”

    “I think I know how this is gunna end Fronnie.” And she did too. She felt it in the pit of her stomach and as much as she prayed she was wrong, the dread that swirled around only waved to and fro in intensity. The picture of June Bug standing in his Army uniform suddenly flashed in her mind and she swallowed thickly. For the love of her Gam… for the love she held for June Bug… she… no they had to finish this… finish what they started. Even if it was going to hurt like hell in the end. 

 

*** 

 

    Sounds of water crashed upon the rocks and a mix matched pair cruised along the wet moist surface. Even though the sun was starting to set, they began to strip their clothes and soon began to rock against the rhythm of the waves. Tears were shed, streaming down dark brown cheeks but it was bittersweet, tinged with both pleasure and pain, sadness and joy. Mourning and exaltation. The larger body turned and crashed almost violently into the smaller form, much like the water on the rocks. And soon everything was still, calm and quiet, the writhing at an end. 

 

 

*** 

 

    “How long do we have?” 

    “Coupla days.” 

    “It’s not fair.” The practice had been surrendered up to a trusted acquaintance. His white lab coat had been hung up, neat pristine and white in the closet. And instead, that damn green stared at her at night, it taunted her, tortured her. She’d seen him wear it only once and his picture had been taken. She’d quietly refused a copy but the photographer more than insisted, stating that she might soon treasure it more than she once thought. 

    “Kira.”

    “No! Don’t. Don’t try to brush this off. I… I don’t want you to go.” Those big strong arms of his came around her and he held her nice and snug. Those arms provided such safety and warmth and for the second time in her life she was scared. Scared that she’d… never…. never feel them again. 

    “I’ve made up my mind.” She was quiet as he spoke, leaning down to press his lips against her shoulder, now bare from his pulling her dress apart moments earlier. He’d been like a mad man and she let him devour, surrendered up her entire existence just for him. Because she wanted to. Because she needed him just as much as he needed her. 

    “I ain’t gonna fight for no white man. All of that propaganda is nothin but bullshit anyway.” Biting her lips in a small moan as he came to take one of her breasts in his hand, she shuddered against him. 

    “I’m gonna fight for you and you only Kira Jung.” Tears slipped down her cheeks but a soft wet tongue licked them away. 

    “You. Mama. Ma. Pa. Lily. You’re all I got left.” He rasped against her, dipping to coax her hardened nipple into his mouth. She let him have his way, not putting up a fight as he lifted her up into his arms and laid her back against soft sheets. In the low light, the sound of those waves and his moist golden skin hypnotized her and she was at a loss for words. He lifted up on his knees, long hard beautiful body towering above her. Nimble fingers made quick work of his shirt, dirty with the sand of the earlier romp. He didn’t seem to care and tossed it away from him.     Licking those swollen rosy lips, he leaned down and kissed her, slipping fingers through hers and forcing them upward. She arched her back in askance, moving her hips slowly against him. Pulling away from her hurt him and he panted against her, not quite ready to end the kiss completely. 

    “You’re the only one who can destroy me baby. Don’t forget that.” He whispered, opening those half lidded moon eyes, the obsidian stare hungry, serious and full of desire. She didn’t think she could speak and decided to let her body speak for her. It hadn’t failed her yet. He  hummed against her as she lifted her legs and wrapped them tight around his hips. Lifting her up, he brought her to straddle him, arms around him lazy and lanquid.  Licking her lips, she forced every ounce of timidity out of her and reached down, leading him to her entrance. 

    “Joon…” His answer was a moan that vibrated deeply from his belly. Biting her lip to keep herself quiet, she slowly engulfed him, her body hungrily drawing him in as if knowing. Knowing what she didn’t have the stomach to admit… to say… at least not right now. She let the moan built up in her throat free and it seemed to reverberate off of the walls. Yes… oh gawd yes. This was more than enough. This was all she wanted. All she asked for. 

    The heat from his hands melted her as he took hold of her cheeks down below her waist and slowly she moved her hips the way she wanted and he let her, groaning against her. 

    Sweat beaded up on her skin as she picked up the pace but she ignored it. Ignored everything but the way she brought her sweet man… her beloved husband pleasure. It was all she could do… all she could offer him. 

    “Gawddamn it….” He cursed, reaching up to squeeze her breasts as she moved to and fro, moans growing in number and volume. 

    “You’re so fuckin beautiful ridin me like that baby…. so fuckin beautiful.” His praise made her blush and her eyes met his. Slowly, she gripped a hand of his and lifted it from her breast. Lifting up, up until his fingers came around her neck, she let go as his grip tightened just a tad, just enough to make her shiver. 

    “C-Chanjoon Jung…” She moaned, head thrown back. 

    “Look at me when you’re talkin to me.” She tried to pull herself together but all of it was so good… too good for words. Somehow though, her gaze found his again. 

    “I…I don’t want…want you…to…p-pull out…” She forced out, gripping his forearm. At that request, he pulled her mouth to his, groaning against her. His arms came around her and in that moment, a frenzy of hips, breath and conjoined notes of pleasure disturbed the small dwelling they were in. She wasn’t satisfied until his seed filled her, intentional abundant warmth that spread throughout her abdomen. Biting her lip, she trembled as he throbbed deep within. For the longest time, they stayed like that, arms tight around each other, lips sweetly kissing each other, desperate to stay in the little haven they’d tried to build. 

 

*** 

 

    Throughout the night, we made love again and again until we physically exhausted ourselves. Each time, I soaked up his love greedily, wanting my body to remember as much of him as possible. Sweat soaked and full of fatigue, we laid there in that little tiny cottage bed by the sea, limbs like roots wrapped around each other, dependent on each other for nourishment, for life. My eyes wept and then…for the first time since he was little, his eyes did too, spilling on skin he thought was lax with slumber. But every tear that fell against me shattered another piece of my heart. 

    The next morning, after bathing together, I made him breakfast and watched him eat with a grim resignation on his face. I bit my lip as I ironed the sage green pants, khaki shirt and coat. Bit my lip more as I watched him button the trousers, shirt tucked neatly inside. Hair clipped short on the sides, he had just enough hair to run fingers through. As I handed him his coat, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. We didn’t say a word, our eyes communicating everything we felt. Swallowing thickly, he let me go and let me put the coat on. Grabbing his garrison cap, our moment of bliss came to an end with a forceful toot of a horn outside.              

   Reluctantly, I followed him outside and we slipped into the awaiting car. On the way to the train station, I slipped my hand across his thigh and curled fingers around his. Lifting my heel covered foot, I gently brushed against his leg, the action breaking the serious intensity of the moment for just a spell. Smiling bravely, he pulled me against his chest and I listened to that strong pulsing the rest of the way there, trying to memorize it into my memory. 

 

*** 

 

    “Don’t go. Please.” Garrison cap now shielding that gorgeous onyx hair of his, he stood tall and firm, hands gripping her waist to filth. 

    “Send for Lily okay? Let her keep you company while I’m gone.”

    “Don’t go Joon.”

    “Make sure Ma take her medicine. And keep Pa out the damn field.” Old habits died hard and even though he’d paid that white devil every penny and cent for that raggedy shack they’d once called home, Papa still tried to go out to the field to pick. Even though he didn’t have to anymore. 

    “Don’t go I said.” 

    “Mr. Jones said he’ll put you back as a secretary if you want to. Says he’ll pay you a premium wage.”

    “Joon!”

    “I’ll come back gawddamn it!” He suddenly yelled, making her grow still, eyes already leaking. Lifting hands to her face, he pulled her even closer, letting their foreheads touch. 

    “I’ll write everyday I can. And every bastard I take out, I’ll keep you in mind.” She broke down in his arms suddenly, sobbing loudly. He said nothing, kissing her tears away from her cheeks. 

    “You better come back to me you stupid foolish man.” 

    “I promise I will.” Her chin trembled. 

    “You swear it?”

    “Have you ever known me to be a liar?” He asked quietly, looking at her from underneath his lashes. Taking a shaky breath, she shook her head no. 

    “Y-You’ve always…kept your word…” She replied, sniffling. 

    “Jung! Let’s go!” A sudden bark startled her, making her jump. He pulled away and turned to see a white man standing at the entrance of one of the train cars, hands on his hips. 

    “I’ll write as soon as we get to where we’re goin.” He said, pulling away completely. She tried to grab for him but he quickly moved out of her reach and knelt to gather his small trunk. 

    “J-Joon….”

    “Remember what I said now Kira girl.” She watched him get onto the train and soon a head popped out of one of the windows. For the briefest second, she glanced around her at some of the women who stood on the platform, saying goodbye to their loves the same as her. Some sobbed, some held children that too wept. Others had already begun to hoist themselves up, hugging their men and talking with them quietly. It’s now or never Kira. Licking her lips, she ran over to him, lifting up on her tip toes. 

    “Seal it with a kiss June Bug!” She yelled, still too far down to really reach him. He came further out, leaning down over the edge of the window. Hands found hers and pulled her up. She grunted as he yanked her up roughly, trying to grab hold of the edge of the window. Ignoring the pain, she finally grasped tight as he wrapped his arms around her. Wasting no time, lips desperately met and passion overflowed from between them. One last time, his tongue tasted hers and he groaned against her mouth lightly. Using the strength in his biceps, he lifted her up just a tad more, letting her wrap her arms around his neck. 

    “I love you…. I love you I love you I love you…” Kissing her jaw, he smiled against her. 

    “I love you too pretty girl.”

    “You’ll come back. You promised.”

    “I did.” Whimpering against his mouth, she allowed him one final taste of her before the train jolted, signaling its departure. But he held on even as the train slowly started to move. 

    “I gotta let go now baby.” He said, gripping her tightly. 

    “No… no jus a bit longer please…”

    “I gotta let go.” She begged him but it was all to no avail as his arms let go of her and she dropped, falling away from him. 

    “SOMEBODY CATCH HER!” He shouted below and she fell into the arms of a miscellaneous man to his relief. 

    “JOON! JOON!” She yelled, screamed, hollered until his face faded out of view. Sobbing against the man, she wept until she felt like she was all dried up. 

 

*** 

 

    “Poor Gammy…” The girls had tears in their eyes and Tani sniffled, lifting to wipe her nose. 

    “I can’t imagine leaving your boyfriend or husband to deal with the uncertainty of war.” Fronnie said sadly, glancing down at the page she’d just read. It appeared like it had gotten wet at one point, the paper hard and stiff. Gam’s tears. 

    “Yeah….it’s too much to even think about.” 

    “Mm…” Fronnie closed the journal, marking the last page as always. 

    “Whaddya say we pack up our fort and gon back downstairs? I wanna be close to Gammy.” 

    “Sure.” Tani agreed and soon they gathered everything, carefully heading down the stairs. Journal in hand, the girls headed into their shared bedroom. They went in to peek in on their Gam who slept in her bed, beautiful silver hair sprawled across her pillow like a ray of moon shine. When they were certain that her chest was still moving, they helped themselves to somma their Mama’s food and tried their best to get to sleep, their spirits heavy. 

“I wanna go to the sea.” 

    “The sea Gammy?”

    “Yeah.” The girls sat with her in the sitting room, the outside just a fingertip away. It teased and taunted with each wisp of wind that cut through the beautiful weeping willow trees. 

    “Gam, we can-”

    “We’ll do it Gammy.” Tani incredulously eyed her sister who dared her to say somethin back. She bit the inside of her cheek and glanced at Gam who in the past few days had only started to grow weaker, her beautiful dark brown skin now grey. 

    “Thank you Fronnie baby. Doin this for ya old Gam.” Fronnie smiled prettily and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

    “Sit tight okay? We be right back.” Pulling on her arm, she yanked her inside the house and hastily shut the door. 

    “Saffron, have you lost yo mind? How we gon get Gam to the sea?”

    “Simple. We’ll take her to the beach.”

    “Mama gon kill us!”

    “It’s Gammy’s dyin wish!” Saffron yelled at her, making her shut up. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears but she continued, voice set with conviction. 

    “We owe that to her Kotani. We owe her for every sacrifice she’s ever made for us.” She bit her lips but didn’t say anything. Fronnie was right and as much as she hated it, she couldn’t deny it anymore. Gam was gonna die. She gave up the fight with a deep sigh, knowing that Fronnie was stubborn and when her mind was made up, there was no talkin her down. 

    “Fine…” Fronnie swallowed thickly. 

    “The quicker we get her there and get her home the better. If we hurry, Mama’ll never know. If she does, I’ll take the blame.”

    “We both will.” She added, turning her eyes back towards the sitting room. 

    “Okay, I’ll call a taxi and get that together.”

    “Alright.” In the meantime, she went into their bedroom and grabbed the journal. It’d been a little while since either one of them had read any of it, trying to process June Bug’s leaving. Opening it, she found a small stack of letters tucked neatly in between the pages. 

    “TANI COME ON! It’s here!” Jumping, she grabbed the letters and journal and scrurried out towards the door. Her heart fluttered as she took sight of her Gam. She’d had Fronnie braid her hair and she wore a beautiful blue and white patterned dress with some flat white shoes. 

    “Ready Gam?”

    “I ready Tangie girl.” Each taking a hand, they grabbed tight to their Gam and quickly got her into the car. 

 

*** 

 

    When Kira dreamt of June Bug now, he was closer than he’d ever been before. He would stand right next to her and look down at her, expression unreadable.

    “J-June Bug?” He would have his hands in his pockets and seemed to observe her, from head to toe. 

    “What you doin here? I tol you I was comin.” At that, he’d just smile and the sight made her heart flutter. 

    “I figured I come and get you.” 

    “I ain’t need you to.” There, that beautiful chilling stare of observation. She’d feel like he was looking straight through her. 

    “Your hair so pretty darlin. Like a silvah moon.”

    “Oh…” Like a girl, her cheeks would grow warm. 

    “I don got old June Bug. Old and grey.” His laugh would send chills up and down her spine and her eyes would water. She missed his laugh so much. His whole body would shake from the joy traveling through him. He’d come even closer and lean forward some, hair fallin into his eyes. 

    “You jus as beautiful as the day you was born Kira Jung. Such a gorgeous lil gal you is.” Her cheeks would grow in intensity and she desperately wished she could touch him. 

    “You will. Soon.” He would say as if he read her thoughts. His eyes would be a shiny mysterious obsidian and his lips always curved up into a smile.

    To her surprise, he’d do somethin he’d never done. He’d climb into the bed and lay beside her, wrapping arms around her. His arms felt solid and heavy each and every time and the scent of sandalwood and myrrh would flood her nostrils. He smelt warm like the woods, like a sweet Georgia day in the summer. When she’d wake up, tears stained her pillow and the warm arms were gone.

 

***

 

 

Nineteen Hundred and Forty One 

Early Spring 

 

    It was a routine she’d quickly grown to look forward to. After riveting, she’d come home body aching and tired. Sometimes, the mail was empty but when she was lucky enough to find a letter, she gladly snatched it up from the box and ran into the house. This time, she and Lady Luck were on the same side and she ignored the pain in her feet, rushing to the box to retrieve the letter. 

    “Lily!” 

    “Yeah?”

    “Joon sent anotha letter!” The sound of her sister’s feet stomping down the stairwell brought a laugh to her and she’d lift a hand to rub the growing belly of hers. 

    “I’m curious to know what he said. You told him you were with child right?” Blushing prettily, she bit her lip in a smile and nodded. 

    “Okay then hurry up and open it!” The two women went over to the table and sat down as fingers ripped the top off of the letter. Yanking it out of the envelope, eyes greedily fell across the words. 

 

    1941 

    34th Platoon 

 

 

    Dearest Kira, 

 

    I can’t express in words quite what I feel at your news. It’s a feeling that is hard to explain. On one hand, I feel so much joy that it kinda hurts my chest. But then, it makes me sad that I can’t be there to support you. God… I can only imagine how much more beautiful you are now, belly growing with our child. It’s a good thing I’m not there. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.

 

Lily chuckled and she felt her cheeks grow hot now. 

 

 

    I miss you baby. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you again. Tell Lily Bean to stop teasing you. Hope she’s well. Please give my love to Ma and Pa. My Ma and Pa too. I think about y’all everyday. I gotta wrap this up now darling. Till next time. 

 

    I love you.

 

    J 

 

 

Smiling to herself, she neatly tucked the letter back inside the envelope. 

    “Okay show’s over. I fix dinner tonight Kira. You been workin all day and I’m sure your feet hurt like a muhfucka.” Lily pressed a kiss to her temple and went to put on her apron. 

    “You needa stop riveting too. That can’t be healthy for you or the baby.” Slipping her hand down, she rubbed her belly, love making her heart full. 

    “Joon’ll have a fit anythin happen to that chile.”

    “Nothin will. I take good care a him while his daddy away.”

    “How you know it’s a boy?” Smiling, she glanced down, lovingly stroking the round bump. 

    “Jus a feelin.” 

 

    *** 

 

    Over the months that passed, my belly continued to grow and it brought me joy feeling our child kick and move for the first time. All of these things I would write in my letters, needing him to know just how much I made sure our child knew how much he loved him. I spoke about him all the time. I was grateful for Lily’s presence because the bigger I got, the more I stopped doing… for the sake of the very active child in my womb. It brought a smile to me. Knowing that the unborn child took after his father. I never could explain how I knew it was a boy… just a mother’s intuition I suppose. 

 

*** 

 

    Heartbreak. 

 

 

*** 

 

    The girls looked up from the single word written on the paper up to their Gam who seemed to brighten up, the smell of the sea growing closer and closer. 

    “What do you think happened Fronnie?” She whispered, glancing back down at the cryptic entry. There was no date. No introduction. Nothing that resembled Gam’s style. Fronnie didn’t reply, only grabbed hold of Gam’s hand and leaned her head on her shoulder as the driver brought them closer. Sighing, she closed the journal and laid her head in Gammy’s lap, feeling tears well up in her eyes as her fragile fingers lifted to slip through her hair. Heartbreak. It was a feeling that the girls could honestly say they were feeling as they neared their Gam closer and closer to the sea. Glancing up at the aged addled woman, young watery eyes took in the longing that seemed to shimmer in her dull grey eyes and her lips stretched into thin lines, a fragile whisper of a smile. 

    “There he is.”

    “Who Gam?” The taxi soon stopped and the girls tried to wait a very excited anxious Gammy, cursing her no good knees and feet. 

    “Closer. I gotta get closer now.”

    “Wait a minute Gam…” The smell of the water took over their senses and for a moment, even they were transfixed by its simplistic beauty. 

    “Joon….” Fronnie and Tani turned to see their Gam, having sunk down on her knees, arms outstretched. 

    “I made it….I came back jus like you said to.” Happy tears came to the woman’s eyes and as they slipped down her cheeks and she began to hug herself, the girls felt their throats grow heavy with unshed tears. 

 

 

*** 

 

    Fingers took apart the stack of letters, all arranged by date and month. Starting with a random one, young eyes read the words of the man who still very much lived in the heart of their Gam. At least, in her heart, he didn’t know any grief. 

 

*** 

 

    September 1941 

    34th Platoon 

 

 

    Kira… It really took me a time before I could even…even get to this point. To write. To express my emotions in a way that wouldn’t be seen as reckless or immature. I’m gonna be true like I always been. This courage has come after getting shit faced drunk time and time again. It’s the only… only way I found I could deal with this until now. But I reckon that wouldn’t make you happy… knowin your man turned into a pitiful drunk. 

    I feel like somebody ripped out my heart. Pierced it with a bayonet and sliced it clean through. I can only imagine…. imagine how you feel baby. It was you and you alone who had to go through this shit alone… go through it at all. 

    My sweet darling girl, it kills me that I can’t be there right fucking now. I don’t know how I could help you… but I’d damn sure try. I’ve sat here in this platoon tent time and time again drunk outta my eva lovin mind imaginin just what I’d do. Maybe I’d take your hair down and comb it. Pull you against me some. Massage your tired shoulders. Tell you to give it to me… the weight you womenfolk carry all the damn time for the sake of the ones around you. 

 

    Fronnie’s eyes had started misting. Gam…Their Gammy must have…. must have miscarried. Somehow or another, her gut told her she was right and it pained her to even breathe. A child made from their love, love in its purest rarest form was taken away from her… from him. But it hurt even more having to vocalize Joon’s pain… his emotional turmoil encased in letter form seemingly forever. 

 

    Maybe I’d press kisses to your belly, tell you we could always try again… You know I got enough love in me and I know you got enough love in you. But I suppose that might make you cry so I probably wouldn’t say that. Maybe I wouldn’t say anythin at all. Maybe I’d jus listen to you…listen as you spoke, cried and maybe even yelled some. I reckon it would be okay Kira… okay to let out all the pain, all the hurt… everythin. This world is cruel and fucked up. And as much as I increasingly grow tired of it all…. as long as I got you in it…. I’ll choose to live another gawddamn day. 

    

 

I love you. 

 

J 

 

 

 

*** 

 

“Wow… just…. wow.” Throat tight, Fronnie glanced down and pulled another letter out of the small stack. 

 

    “Your turn Tani.” Fingers lifting to take it, lips wet from shed tears began to read. 

 

*** 

 

 

     February 1943 

    

    Dearest Kira, 

 

    We’ve entered into the Allied territory. Right now, I’m in Paris, France. It’s beautiful here baby. You’d like it. They got loaves of bread that taste jus like butter and their coffee is outta this world. I imagine you’d like the styles the women are wearin this way a lot. I might send you a dress or two home just for the hell of it. I didn’t have too many patients to see today and thankfully, I’ve just been bullshitting around most of the day. The other bastards in our small platoon say hi and they wish you the best. 

    I tell you what, I’m ready for the damn war to be over and done with. I have had about enough of bein away from you, mon cheri, as the locals would say it. I’m ready to teach you all the French I don picked up while here…some of it nice and proper and some of it not. 

 

The pen stopped, ink fallin off and it brought a teary smile to Tani. He musta been drunk writing this. 

 

    You probably guessed it. I been drinkin and it ain’t shit. I ain’t shit without you and I’m jus out here missin my sweet lil gal. God…it ain’t too much I’m askin for…just to hol you ‘gain. Maybe even kiss you coupla times a two. I think about you ev’ry night before I go to sleep and see you ev’ry mornin before I open my eyes. And then I remember my reason.. my why. It’s to come home to you. Come home to Big Head Lily… both our Mas and Pas. All y’all. I gotta promise to keep now don’t I? 

 

    Keep that pretty head a yours up Kira. We’ll make it through this shit. I promise baby.

 

    J 

 

 

 

 

    The eyes of the girls watched as their Gam remained kneeling, a big bright smile on her face and eyes closed as she allowed the wind to rustle her hair and dress. For the longest time, the two remained like that and soon, they helped her back to the taxi, the driver nice enough to wait until they finished up. Only when they’d made it back into the car did their Gam start to cry. And this time, her tears weren’t of happiness. But true and utter sorrow. 

 

*** 

 

    Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five

February

 

    “Kira?” Looking up from the letter she was writing, she found Lily standing there by the door. 

    “Yeah?”

    “You a’right?”

    “As right as I’m gonna get I s’ppose. Jus here writin to Joon.”

    “What’d he say in his last letter? You was awfully quiet readin it.” At that, she swallowed and gave a brave smile. 

    “Nothin much… he was talkin bout the guys in the platoon and where they were goin next is all.”

    “Oh.”

    “Yeah…”

    “Well, I’m off to the hospital.”

    “Startin ya shift?”

    “Yeah and Gawd help me it’s gonna be a long one.”

    “Be careful now Lil. That hospital a battlefield all its own.” 

    “Don’t worry bout me. I be jus fine.” Kissing her cheek, she let her sister withdraw from her and when the door to the house was shut, she glanced down at the small stack of letters she’d been reading over from previous years. All to hide the most recent letter from Lily’s prying eyes. Pulling it out from the stack, she drifted soft fingers across the surface of it, a gentle smile on her face. Eyes eager, they read the words that had seemed to engrave themselves onto her heart once again. 

 

*** 

 

    January 15, 1945

 

    They say that the end of the war is approaching. I hope to God it’s true. I’ve done my share of fightin. I’ve done my share of drinkin. Grievin. Even…even cryin. I ain’t ashamed to admit that. I’ve even done my share of killin baby. That I won’t lie to you about. Wars exist outside the safety of the doctors tent and I’ve had to come face to face with them. But I’ve done so like a man… a man you’d be proud of. 

 

 

His pen had ended abruptly and she could tell that he’d continued at a later date. 

 

    They say we are headin toward the Pacific to take out the Japanese. I can’t tell you everythin of course but talks are that after this battle, they’ll surrender. Said we’ve got an ace up our sleeve that’ll knock em clean out. Frankly, I don’t give two shits about that. About the Japanese. About which side is what. All I care about is you. How you doin Kira girl? Be honest with me now. In your letters, you sound like you tryna be positive all the time and optimistic. Which I appreciate. But…it’s somethin I’m not askin you for. How are you. What’s on your mind? What do you think about when you lay your head down at night? Tell me. 

    I’ll tell you what comes across my mind… in my dreams as of late. The series of nights we spent togetha at that lil cottage by the sea. I see it all the time. In my dreams you’re waitin for me there…with a smile…that beautiful ass smile you always wear…and you tell me ‘Come on and sit down now Joon. Breakfast be ready in a bit.’ Sometimes, it turns to night and over and over and over I toss and turn relivin our love makin all through that night. Startin with the beach…how the sand got in your hair…how it stuck to your thighs as they tightened around my hips. I relive it over and over and fuckin over again till I can’t stand it. How beautiful you were…how hard you came… how hard I came. How…how I never wanted it to end. 

    That night…I swear ta Gawd… I felt…like we were given our time back. You and I in that moment were allowed to be selfish and give…take of each other as much as we wanted…without fear, thought or consequence. That’s all I’ve ever fuckin wanted… all I’ve ever asked for. Was just to be with you, left the hell alone. And for a lil while we were. 

 

 

Tears had welled up in her eyes but she kept reading. 

 

 

    What I’m askin you is to not to tell me that everythin’ll be a’right. I’m not askin you to tell me to smile and push on. What I want from you… what I need is for you to tell me you miss me too. Tell me that you think about me jus as much as I thinka bout you. Tell me you feel empty without me. And I’ll tell you in reply…. I’ll tell you to close ya eyes…take a deep breath, go and get ya keys to the car. I’ll tell ya to get on tha road and drive. Drive to the last place we were… to that lil cottage by the sea. I’ll tell ya to get out, take your shoes off and feel the sand in between ya toes. And turn around. When you do….I’ll be there. Waitin for ya. I’ll…I’ll be there and I’ll take you in my arms. I’ll kiss you really sweet and gentle like… and until you can’t possibly breathe anymore…I’ll fill up all your empty spaces…I’ll make you whole ‘gain. I’ll do it for the both of us…so we can survive. 

 

    She began to weep, fingers tight on the letter. 

 

 

    Make me a promise Kira Jung. Promise me that when you start to miss me…when you start to feel as though you can’t take it any more… go to that cottage. I’ll be there waitin. I’ll be home soon sweetheart. Before you know it, we’ll be togetha ‘gain and we can finally have that family we been wantin. We’ll start over. Give ourselves a second chance. You deserve that. I deserve that. 

    I love you 

 

    J 

 

 

*** 

 

    The last letter I received from Joon was only five words. Five. It appeared as though he wasn’t in the right space. The right time. Didn’t have time to write everything out the way he wanted to. But those five lines still give me chills to this day. Even still… today when I read them…my heart sinks into my chest. 

 

 

    March 3, 1945 

 

 

    Kira. 

    I love you. 

    Sorry. 

 

 

 

 

    *** 

 

Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five 

3rd of March 

 

 

 

    He’d been right. He’d been right and the confirmation of it made him sick to his stomach. The first time he’d ever been right like this, he’d narrowly saved her from a brutal rape. He’d been 18 and on his way back from the train station. He’d recently started as a waiter on a Pullman train and he knew it was because he was the right color. His features were exotic to the whites and they were intrigued more than anything. A tall built Oriental man with a thick Southern accent stunned them. Everything they said he shouldn’t be he was. Everything they said he shouldn’t have… he did. He wasn’t supposed to be smart but he was, studying in the field of medicine…when he wasn’t working. He wasn’t supposed to be good looking but that didn’t stop the girls from vying for his time. In the city, it was more white than black because the black ones had sense. But in the swirling green and thick trees, brown thighs opened gladly. Right. Back to being right. He’d been heading to his Kira girl’s lot, eager to see her after being away for a year. When he’d left her, she was still a girl though he’d noticed places on her already budding and growing more womanly. He worried. Worried somethin serious for her. 

    “Kira?” He called out, the window to their house open like it always was. Nothin. Hm. 

    “Kira girl…where are you?” Lifting himself up onto the thin wooden planks, he eyed something curious that caught his eye. There by the edge of the door was a piece of clothing…It looked like the head rag she wore at nigh time. Hm. 

    “Where are you at gal?” He asked, peeking into the empty space of the shack. This time, he heard something. It was a brief sharp meep and it sounded muffled. Turning his head towards the sound he came back outside and headed toward the back of the house. It was there that he discovered her dress which was nothing but shreds littered on the grass. 

    “Kira!” A sudden thrashing flashed brown skin up from the grouping of wild tall grasses a little bit away from her house. Shit. He shot towards her, feeling hot, angry and panicked all at once. He shoved the grasses away as he entered the foliage and soon found his Kira girl naked as the day she had been born, arms pinned above her. A large thick necked white man had his trousers down, the cheeks of his ass flat and pink, starting to burn in the sun. 

    “Be still nigger bitch!” He hollered at her, lifting a fist to strike her across the cheek. Her mouth had been gagged with his sweaty stinking shirt. 

    “Get the fuck away from her!” He hissed, coming closer to them. 

    “Wait your turn! I got to her first!” The man shot back, hastily trying to reach for his member. 

    “I said get away from her.” Wrapping an arm around his neck, he forced him to let her go, his need for breath much more important. She struggled to get up but when she did, she ran, leaving them to tousle in the midsummer heat. Lucky for him, the man was weaker than he thought and he knew he’d have to dispose of him in an undisclosed area. Breathing heavily, he’d found a nearby rock and smashed the man’s skull, now certain he was dead. Getting up, he went to go find Kira and when he did, he held her close until her cries grew silent. 

    Now though… now….he couldn’t hold her. He couldn’t do anything but face the fact that this was happening. He knew it was stupid and he knew they shouldn’t have been forced to do it this way. But this was what happened when you listened to pride rather to wisdom and he’d pay the price for it. Closing his eyes, he took a shaky breath and closed his eyes tight. Tears slipped through his eyelids. Kira… 

    “SER! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN!” Opening his eyes, he licked his lips, licking away the salt of his shed emotion. 

    “There’s nothin we can do now… nothin we can do now but die.” 

    “How the fuck did this happen? This wasn’t apart of the plan.”

    “Yes it was. I been tryna tell y’all stupid mothafuckers that. They don’t give a shit about us. Never fuckin did.” He shot back, shoving fingers through his hair. 

    “Well what now Sergeant?”

    “I told you. We leave here we’ll be blown to bits. Look around you. You name me one place there is nearby to find some fuckin water. Name me somewhere we can go to replenish ourselves when our rations run out.” The small group of soldiers grew grim… quiet. 

    “We’re gonna start to die off quicker than you can say molasses.” 

    “Fuck that. I choose how the fuck I wanna die.” One solider pulled out his revolver and lifted a shaky hand to press the barrel of the fun to his temple. 

    “Johnson! Wait! John-” A shot rang out and brain and blood shot out from his body in a mist, shocking the men nearest him.  

    “Johnson…”

    “Shh. Quiet! I hear voices!” They all crouched down in the mud and he lifted the eyehole of his rifle to his visage. Pressing down further into the earth, he lightly pressed his finger against the trigger. Fuck. 10 or so Japanese were on foot and headed straight towards them. 

    “How many do you think you can take out?” He whispered to the guy nearest him. 

    “Maybe two…three.”

    “You?” He asked, addressing the guy to his right.

    “Same.” 

    “Alright. This our chance…our last fucking chance.” Before he could pull the trigger a shot fired and he wasn’t prepared for the blood, brain and bone that sloshed across his face. Gasping, he twisted his body, turning his weapon on five Japanese, all of whom had their own weapons drawn. Fuck. They spoke rapidly and forced some of his comrades up and to the side. But when it came to him, they hesitated. One of them leaned down, clearly not afraid of the gun barrel trained between his eyes. He asked something and it was a question.

    “Japanese?” Still gasping for breath, he forced his tongue across dry lips. 

    “Korean.” He answered, voice somehow steady even though he wanted to throw up. 

    “You are Asian. One of us. Why do you fight for them?” He asked, honestly confused. 

    “Wife.” He kept his answer short and sweet. Honest. The man seemed disgusted at the answer and the confusion bled away, leaving infuriation in its wake. He resumed yelling in Japanese. 

    “Put your gawddamn weapon down or I’ll shoot!” He demanded, tightening his finger on the trigger. The man grinned but soon went down like a blade of grass, hole between his eyes. Turning his weapon, he took two more out before a bullet was fired into his leg, arm and chest. Ridden with pain, he grit his teeth trying to lift his gun one last time but was soon knocked unconscious by a kick to the face. 

 

*** 

 

    Kira…

    

    “Joon…where are you?” The waves of the sea lapped against the shore and in her haste, she hadn’t taken off her hose and now they were completely drenched. 

    “You said….you said you’d be here…” 

 

 

    I love you.

 

 

    Dried blood caked his temple and his legs felt like they were to give out at any moment, brought on by his severe blood loss. Fresh warm blood soaked his uniform and yet they pushed him further ahead. He lifted his eyes to the swirling trees, eyes not seeing but seeing. 

    Sorry. 

 

 

    Jim had appeared in his dream days before. Except he wasn’t as he once remembered. No, instead of those mischievous celadon eyes, gaping fly infested holes stared at him, blood fresh and warm slipping down his cheeks. Instead of speaking lips, teeth, gum and jagged flesh flapped. Even his hair which always seemed to find the wind was no more, the wind now teasing exposed brain and skull. 

    “You failed.” The rotting corpse spoke, Jim’s voice giving him chills. 

    “No…I’m fuckin tryin Jimmy. I…I ain’t done yet.”

    “You promised me you would protect Kira. You promised me you’d protect Lily, Pop and Mama. And you failed. Couldn’t even do that. Fuck you.” 

    “Jim…”

    “Kira deserved better than you, you sorry piece of shit.” 

 

    *** 

 

    When he’d awakened, he had been soaked head to toe in sweat and the nightmare had stayed with him, making him refuse to go to sleep. And now… had he been given the opportunity….the chance to write all of what he wanted…. even a lil bit more… it woulda went somethin like this. 

 

*** 

 

    Kira. 

 

 

    He was shoved and made to stand in a single file line. Eyes blank, they lifted up to the sky, watching emptily as the clouds passed them by. 

 

    I love you. 

 

    He heard the shots one by one and the sick thump of warm bodies hitting the ground. 

    “Kira…” He heard a pistol being cocked. 

    “Kira girl…” 

 

    Make me another promise right now. 

 

    The barrel of the weapon was pressed to the back of his head. 

 

    Promise me that you’ll live on. Promise me that you’ll get married ‘gain…have a coupla babies…live till you good and ole. Promise me that you’ll learn to be happy again. Do that for me. 

 

    Tears began to fall down his cheeks and his empty eyes stared at the sky for a moment longer. 

    “I love you Kira…I love-” A shot rang out and when his body fell to the ground, a mixture of sweat, blood and tears soaked into the ground. 

 

 

*** 

 

    

 

 

    “Kira…there’s…there’s some men standin outside. Military uniform.” 

 

 

        To the love of my life…Chanjoon Jung, 

 

    I’ll say it. I’ll say it as many times as you wanna hear it. I do miss you. I want you with everythin in me my sweet man.

 

 

    “How can I help you gentlemen?” She asked, smiling warmly at them. But, at the stoic expressions on their faces, her smile soon faded. 

 

 

    

    I…I haven’t said anythin cause…well…I wasn’t sure that was what you needed. But since you wantin me to be honest an all then fine. The day you left me at the train station…a part of me went with you. 

 

 

    “Are you Mrs. Kira Jung?” 

    “Yes. I am.” 

    “May we come inside for a moment ma’am? We won’t be long.” 

    “Sure. Lil, pour up some iced tea.”

    “That won’t be necessary ma’am. Really. We won’t be long.” 

 

 

    

    When our baby died, a part of me died with it. He was gettin to be so strong just like his daddy. And yet…for whatever reason God decided it wasn’t his time… wasn’t our time. 

 

 

    “Ma’am… we regret to inform you that Mr. Chanjoon Jung died in action on March 3rd, of this year Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five.” 

 

    But, you bein strong for me…for us still. So… I gotta be strong for you too don’t I? Of course…of course I miss you….words can’t explain how much. They wouldn’t do justice to how many nights I’ve laid in our bed clingin to the smell of you still in your damn pillah…tears soakin through. How…how many times I’ll put on onea your shirts, knowin darn well it’s too big on me but oh how it smell like you…how it gives me hope. 

 

 

    A loud cry of anguish rang out but it sounded more like a scream. She wasn’t sure…wasn’t aware a sound like that could come out of her but it did and soon, her eyes were blinded by a barrage of tears, too fat and heavy to control. 

    “Kira, what’s wrong?!” Lily had rushed in from the kitchen and when she looked at her sister crumpled up on the couch, pieces of her heart and soul breaking bit by bit she just…she knew. 

 

 

    I’ll cling to you…make it so you’ll neva part from me. I’ll squeeze ya real tight and welcome you in as always sugah…only with the promise that you’ll neva leave…stay inside forevah. Forevah and then some. My sweet sweet man. My June Bug. 

 

 

 

    “These are his belongings that were retrieved along with his uniform. We are so sorry for your loss ma’am.” Standing up, they stood at attention and gave a firm yet solemn salute before leaving her, door closed gingerly behind them. Another scream wretched itself from her belly and she hugged his uniform to her chest, a wet spot of her tears spreading through the fabric, turning it an even darker green. Lily too had begun to sob, pressing her face against her. 

 

 

    First thing I’ll do when you come home is cook you a big dinnah, get Mama and Papa up here…your Mama and Papa too…Frog, Dipp and Scat…all them. We have us a big feast here at the house. And then…while the night is young and we is too… we gon dance till we can’t no mo. Let me do that for you at least. Run you a bath, let you tell me all about everythang. And then… then you can have me. Whatever way you want sugah I promise. I’ll let your love fill me up till it flows out on the pages of our life…our new life…cause at the end of tha day…our love all we got.  Ain’t that right baby? 

 

 

 

 

 

*** 

 

    “MAMA!” The holler was so loud that it startled Addie Peterson-Bisset and she dropped a tea cup, fragments of it shattering on the kitchen floor. 

    “MAMA!” At the second scream, she dashed from the kitchen and ran up the stairs to find both of her girls clinging to each other on the floor. Coming around, she froze in her tracks. There yonder on the floor was her Momma, sprawled out, unmoving. Her hair had been braided up just like it used to be when she was a child…like it used to be in the aging pictures of past. She wore a simple dress, blue and white polkadot but adorning her head was a veil. In her hands, she held two things. One looked like a uniform jacket…and another was what appeared to be a photograph. 

    “God in Heaven…Momma….” She felt her eyes well up with tears and she knelt over the woman, weeping. Two voices filled with the same amount of tears wept right along with her and soon they covered both their Mama, Gammy and Joon with arms. 

 

 

*** 

 

    2010 

 

    Mama died from the grief of losing two sons. Papa died of a broken heart having lost his wife. Lily…Lily never married. She stayed single and stayed close. And me? I’m goin to my June Bug. In my dreams, I see him and he see me.

 

 

 

*** 

 

    Waves lapped against the shore and the sun was bright and plentiful. Her feet were bare and they sunk a little into the wet cool sand. Her cheeks were warm as she approached a tall lean figure. The man had his hands in his pockets, dressed in a white cotton shirt and set of dark grey brown suspenders. 

    “June Bug?” At that, he turned around and smiled at her, pretty white teeth on full display. 

    “Hey there darlin.” She felt girlish and giddy and began to toy with her dress behind her. 

    “I…I wasn’t sure if…if you was gon be here…I…” 

    “I made you a promise didn’t I?” Cheeks now red, she looked down at her feet. 

    “Till death do us part right?”

    “Right.” 

    “Good girl.” His fingers lightly lifted her chin and brought her gaze up to clear and warm almond shaped eyes. 

    “Let’s be Joon and Kira now. Can we do that?” She gave a nod and he leaned down just as she stood to meet him on her tip toes for a kiss. Gentle just like his touch upon her back, she didn’t even mind the wind as it rustled her hair outta the loose braid it was in. Laughing against him, she pressed her face against his neck as he lifted her up, playfully twirlin her around. Their laughter met and conjoined on the wind and a surprised yelp as the force of it knocked them both down against the sand. Body shaking with joy, his chest shook with his laughter, throat vibrating with the sound of it and she stole a kiss or two, welcoming his body’s turn to press her against the warm dirt. 

 

 

 

*** 

 

    At least there…I’m free. We free to exist with no time in between us. Cause like Mama said all those years ago… the sea is a dangerous idea of love. Should you ride along its waves, it shol nough do last forever. A forever sea that is no longer an idea. But a reality. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FIN