How did I get here? Oh right, some racist group of degenerates tried to kill four of us. Everyone else recovered quickly but it took me several months to fully recover from the carbon monoxide poisoning.  Now here I am in my apartment packing to leave Llanview.  I haven’t told anyone, outside of my family, that I am leaving.  Most of my clients moved to other attorneys while I was indisposed and the others, I, myself, referred them to other attorneys telling them that I needed more time before I resumed my practice.  But I knew the moment that I opened my eyes in the hospital that I needed to make some major changes in my life and leaving Llanview was at the top of the list.  Sure they found the people who had attacked us but it didn’t change my mind that I needed to put Llanview in my ‘rearview mirror’.

Someone from my past afforded me the opportunity to do just that.  A month ago I received a letter from someone who several years ago had attended the symposium where I was the keynote speaker.  They said that they were so impressed with my presentation that they decided to reach out to me and inquire as to my availability to join a law firm in Washington, DC.   Her husband, one of the original partners, had decided to retire and wanted to bring in new people to continue building the great legacy started by the founding partners and she gave him my name.  The law firm, White and Blazevitch, was one of the most prestigious law firms in the country.  The partners wanted to offer me a temporary junior partner position with an assured full partner position after one year, to head a newly created division of lawyers who would work within all sectors of the firm to make certain that the firm remains one of the best firms in the country.  They would provide my housing until I found a place of my own.  Upon arrival in DC I would have a week to acclimate myself before I started work.  The pay was quite generous and the benefits were unbelievable. I accepted.

Now I need to talk with the two people in this town who would certainly miss me, Nora and Todd. I called Nora and asked to meet her at her home.  I spoke, she listened, she tried to convince me to stay, I refused, we cried, we hugged, we promised to keep in touch, and I left.

I met Todd at his penthouse.  I spoke, he listened, he tried to convince me to stay, I refused, and he negotiated.

“Ok, you want to leave I understand but why so far away?  Why not to Philadelphia?  Ok, you have had a rough time here in Llanview but hey it doesn’t compare to what I have had to endure.  I know, I know, that was a cheap shot.  Alright you’re leaving but there has to be more to it than just the attack.”

“It’s funny Todd that of the two, you and Nora, you’re the only one to have asked me that.  Yes there is more.  I want a life.  I want to marry and have children and I don’t see that happening here in Llanview.  Before I didn’t believe in marriage partly because of my job and all the divorce cases that I handled but also because of what happened with my parents.  But while I recovered from the poisoning I realized that I do want that life, a husband and children.  I know with my job it will take a lot of my time but I have time.  I didn’t die, even though those idiots tried to kill me, I didn’t die.  I want more out of my life than just my job.  I want someone to love and someone to love me. Can you understand?”

“Well if you want a husband and kids why didn’t you ask me?  You know that I love you, right?”

“Todd, you are sweet and I know that our relationship has taken a turn in another direction but right now what I need from you is not a lover.  I need a friend. I need someone who will support me through thick and thin.  I need a big brother who will support and protect me.  Can you do that?  I need to feel that I have someone who will stand for me and fight for me.  This goes totally against what I have previously thought but this latest situation has caused me to reevaluate everything.  I never thought that I needed anyone to take care of me, to rescue me, to protect me but at this moment I am very fragile and I need you to step in, not as a lover, but as a friend, as a big brother and surround me so that I feel safe.  Can you do that?”

“Alright since I can’t convince you to stay I will allow you to leave but on one condition.”

“What do you mean allow me to leave?”

“Okay don’t get yourself agitated just listen to me please.  I, Todd, as your best friend and your newly named big brother, propose the following. No, I am not proposing marriage since you don’t want to marry me and have my children.  I suggest that you allow me to assist you in this move. You say that the initial position is a temporary position with a permanent position after a year.  Well suppose you don’t like it after a year what do you do then?  You’ve relocated to another town and after a year have no job.  Let me do this. I will set up a bank account for you to use. I will deposit five million dollars into the account and you can do with it as you please. Deal?”

“Todd, are you crazy?  I can’t accept five million dollars from you.  I can take care of myself.  If the job doesn’t work out I am sure that I can find something else.”

“Evangeline, you just told me that you needed a friend, a big brother.  Wouldn’t a big brother do this for his little sister?”

“Yes a big brother would do that for his little sister.  I would do that for Layla if I had the money.”

“So, will you accept my offer?  And, of course I can come visit you regularly right?  And, we will call and write right so that I won’t miss you so much?

“Yes Todd I will accept your offer.  Yes you can come visit.  When I find a place of my own I will make sure to have a guest room that you can occupy when you come to visit.  And of course we will call and write because I will miss you like crazy.  Todd, thank you.”

“Anything for you my friend, anything for you.”

Evangeline took Todd’s face in her hands and kissed his forehead and his cheeks.  She looked into his eyes and said, “You are the best thing that has happened to me during my stay here in Llanview.  Don’t tell Nora I said that.  I do love you more than I could ever love a lover.  You see me as me and not as someone on a pedestal.  I thank you for that.  I know that trying to have an intimate relationship with you would destroy what we have and I need a friend more than I need a lover. Although I won’t physically be here know that you are always in my heart and my thoughts.  Have a good life Todd.  You’ve been given a second chance at life.  Take advantage of it.  Look at me.  That’s what I’m trying to do.” She smiled as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Todd wiped away her tears and put his hands over her hands on his face and said, “I love you Evangeline, more than you will ever know. I understand that we can’t be lovers.  I don’t agree, but I accept your decision.  I’m just glad that we can continue to be friends and now I’m a big brother. I’ve never been a big brother before only a little brother.  I will have to find the ‘big brother’ handbook and make sure that I abide by all of the rules.  Go forth and conquer little sister and know that your friend and big brother is here always to support and protect you.”

Evangeline and Todd hugged and then Todd left and Evangeline was alone in her apartment with boxes everywhere.  She resumed her packing and felt relieved that both Nora and Todd took her news so well.

While sitting in his office finishing the paperwork on a case John allows his mind to wander back to the last conversation that he had with Evangeline.  She was in her apartment, after release from the hospital from the gas poisoning, and had just returned from a rehab session at the hospital.  

“Why are you here John?”

“I wanted to see how you were.  I’m sorry that all of this happened to you.”

“Thank you, but still why are you here really?”

“I wanted to say again how sorry I am that things didn’t work out between us.”

“Why, John that was years ago?  You didn’t really want things to work out between us because you really didn’t want us together anyway.  You wanted someone else.”

“That’s not true.  I really did care for you.”

“We’ve had this conversation before I really don’t want to have it again. But since you started it let me ask you, did you care for me when every time your ‘perpetual victim’ called you left me to run to her? Did you care for me when you left me to burn and rescued her instead?  Did you care for me when I stayed around to give to you information about your father’s death and ended up blind?  Did you care for me then?  Well I don’t need that kind of care John.”

“Evangeline, I am sorry.”

“John, yes you are sorry and pitiful and a coward. You would rather walk around in your cloud of misery.  You would rather settle for mediocrity when you could have excellence. Excellence is what you could have had with me.  But you didn’t want that.  You just wanted sex. But how can I blame you when I offered it to you willingly?  Silly of me to think that because I fell in love with you that you would in turn fall in love with me.  Well I am silly no more.  The relationship with Chris was a direct result of my needing to hear the words, ‘I love you’ and that blinded me to seeing that I never should have been anywhere near him.  He still had major issues from his time in prison and his unresolved feelings for someone else.  Why do I end up with guys with unresolved feelings for another woman? I told you once, what I need is someone who will love me in return.  You are not that man and you can’t be for anyone until you love yourself.”

“I thought that you said that we could be friends Evangeline.  Didn’t you say that? We can still be friends can’t we?”

“I lied John.  I can’t be your friend.  I don’t want to be your friend.  Every time I see you I see your betrayal.  I thought with time it would change but I guess I lied to myself too.  Goodbye John.” 

John had not seen Evangeline for months.  He knew that she attended rehab because he asked his brother Michael about her, but he had not tried again to visit her.  He decided to give her time to get better and then he would try again.  He knew that she was still angry about the attack and that probably caused her to react the way that she did when she last spoke with him.  He still wanted to be her friend.  If he was honest with himself he wanted to be more than her friend but she didn’t want that anymore.  He still had to complete his therapy.  After his conversation with Evangeline he decided to get serious about therapy sessions with Dr. Crosby.  He needed to resolve his issues with past events and move on with his life.  He wasn’t getting any younger and he really did want to have a life.  A life with a wife and children.  He had not thought about anything like that since Caitlin died.  But he knew Caitlin would want him to be happy.

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Evangeline felt invigorated.  She hadn’t felt this good in years.  She couldn’t believe that the months had flown by and in only two weeks she would receive the promotion to a full partner.  She had impressed everyone with her acumen, tenacity and honesty.  The partners knew that they had a ‘jewel’ in their mist and the junior partners and the entire staff appreciated all of the hard work that she and her team had done.  Her team thanked her for her leadership and congratulated her on her achievement.  No one expressed any jealously because they realized that they all benefited from the changes that she had suggested and that her team had implemented.  All divisions reported improvements in client satisfaction and the revenues reflected the increase in productivity.  With the new position came a new office and Evangeline had packed her office for the move and her assistant gave direction to the movers.  The partners took Evangeline and her team out to lunch for an early celebration because many of the partners were heading out for vacation and wouldn’t be in the office in two weeks time. Everyone had a grand time and the lunch was delicious.  Everyone headed back to the office to finish out his or her workday.

In the months since Evangeline moved to DC she had found a lovely townhouse that fitted her to a ‘T’.  As promised she made sure that her guest room had everything that Todd would need when he visited, which he did several times in the first few months that she moved into her new place.  He said that he wanted to see the townhouse to make certain that she made a good investment and to check on her.  Todd realized that he enjoyed the role of ‘big brother’ and at every opportunity made certain that his ‘little sister’ had what she needed.  He would call her regularly so that she wouldn’t get lonely.  She told him about meeting an old acquaintance from her past, Dennis.  Todd asked how that encounter went and she said that it went well.  Since she last saw Dennis at her aunt’s funeral, he had married and now had two children. She was so happy for him. It also eliminated any chance for him to try to weasel his way back into her life.

When Evangeline left Llanview for Washington, DC and the new job she decided that she would not have any romantic entanglements during her first year there.  She wanted to concentrate on her job and on herself. That does not mean that she had not received offers or that there were not men who tried to convince her to change her mind. She had dinner dates and dates to the opera and ballet and other cultural events but that’s all they were ‘dates’. She held fast to her decision to not have any serious relationships.  Now nearing the end of that year she felt renewed and looked forward to her new life and the adventures ahead.

Evangeline never asked Todd about John McBain and Todd never mentioned John during any of their conversations.  Evangeline knew that a part of her would always love John but she could never be with someone who did not put her first.  She made a promise to herself that any future relationship will require ‘heavy lifting’ by both parties and past relationships will remain in the past. She had a bright future ahead for herself and she looked forward to it.

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During that year in Llanview, John McBain continued his therapy with Dr. Crosby. Also during that time John terminated his enabling relationship with what Evangeline called the ‘perpetual victim’. He faced, battled and conquered those issues that held him captive for so many years.  That last step gave him the confidence to make one final decision and that was to leave Llanview.  

Earlier on in his treatment schedule John did not find out that Evangeline had left Llanview until five months after her move.  He had refrained from asking anyone about her until he was well into his therapy and could see and feel the improvement in himself.  He wanted to tell her about his therapy and the changes that it made in him.  He went to her office and found someone else there.  The receptionist informed him that Ms. Williamson no longer worked in the building.  John went to Nora who confirmed that Evangeline had left Llanview but she didn’t say where she had gone.  John realized then that Evangeline didn’t want him to know where she was. John said to Nora, “ I can’t blame her for leaving.  I can’t blame her for not telling me.  I treated her so badly when we were together. She probably couldn’t leave fast enough.  Wait, what am I saying?  Once again I’m only thinking about myself.  Evangeline endured terrible things during her time in Llanview.  She deserves better. Good for her she left.  I hope that she is happy wherever she is.”  With that he left Nora’s and headed to Dr. Crosby’s office because he needed an ‘emergency’ session after receiving the news of Evangeline’s departure.  

Now feeling like he has a new lease on life John McBain pondered his next step.  After having decided to leave Llanview he still had no clue where he would go.  He knew that he could always find a job wherever he went but just where would he go?  The answer came from a friend in his past.  One of his former supervisors at Quantico has plans to retire and he had kept up with John’s career and asked if John had any interest in leading a newly created division for solving ‘cold cases’ using the latest DNA databases. John couldn’t believe his good fortune.  He quickly accepted and they agreed that John would start in the next month.  The FBI team was already assembled they just needed a team leader.  John’s former supervisor, Robert Goren, knew no one more qualified to handle the job than John. John decided to take a few days off from his job in Llanview Police Department to go to Quantico and meet with his friend and the team and find housing.  The Commissioner Bo Buchanan approved the leave.  John did not tell Bo then that he planned to resign his position because he didn’t want any unnecessary delays.  John decided then that when he did submit his resignation paperwork he wanted it effective immediately and he would leave that same day for Quantico.

John had previously worked in the Quantico and Washington, DC area so he knew his way around. He met with his friend Robert and the new team.  Everyone was eager to get to work.  John found suitable housing and arranged to move in the next two weeks. John completed all the necessary paperwork for the new job and would start work in one month.  John finally saw a bright future ahead for himself and he looked forward to it.

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Evangeline was now a full partner, had a new office, her own assistant and had her own team of associates.  She loved her job.  Mr. Blazevitch became her mentor and helped her in every way possible to make certain that she had whatever she needed to be a success at the firm.  What surprised Evangeline was that no one seemed jealous of her.  They saw how hard she worked.  She never acted like a prima donna, never shirked from difficult assignments, never brown nosed she just did her job plain and simple and she did it well.

The office building housed a full service gym on the first floor and a twenty-four daycare center for those who worked those 90-100 hours weeks.  As the firm grew the major partners realized that in order to keep good workers they needed to provide benefits that facilitated the workers.  The gym and daycare were the two things that helped to retain the workers. 

Evangeline took full advantage of the gym.  Of course she had no need for the daycare center. It surprised her that she felt a bit sad about that.  But she did not dwell on it for long.  She had too much to do and too much about which to think.  She would meet a few ladies from other offices in the building for a workout session.  It surprised her how these five ladies so seamlessly became steadfast friends.  They made an interesting group.  They decided to call each other by made up names so that when they called out to each other in the gym no one else would know their real names.  Evangeline was called Angie, Monica was called Moonie, Theresa was called Tre, Penelope was called Pepper, and Bianca was called BlessedS. They were too funny. Although they worked in the same building they each worked for different companies in the same building. They worked out together and even met outside of the office on occasion.  They were all very private persons and allowed few others into their inner circle.  They each had their own separate circle of friends but they shared time with each other and supported each other at work by providing a listening ear when someone wanted to vent.

Evangeline made plans to visit her mother this weekend.  She finished the work on her case and gave it to her assistant for filing and left the office.  She made it home for a quick shower and change and drove to Maryland.  Her mother and Uncle Clay warmly greeted her and they enjoyed a tasty dinner and good conversation.  The next day Evangeline and her mother sat on the front porch enjoying the sun and fresh air.

“Mom thanks so much I really needed this break.  Although I love my job it can get very hectic at times and I needed a break from the hustle and bustle.  I wouldn’t change it for the world but we all do need to take a break and smell the roses.  I thank God for his blessings.  Things are working out for me,” Evangeline said as she reached for another glass of lemonade.

“Evangeline I am so glad that you are here and doing well.  You deserve the best baby.  You have had such a hard time the last few years and it’s good to see that you are now in a good place.  I thank God too for you,” her mother Lisa said getting a bit teary eyed.

“Oh mommy don’t cry.  I’m fine. You’re fine.  Everything is good,” Evangeline said grasping her mother’s hand to offer comfort.

“I’m okay baby. Don’t want to put a damper on this joyful mood.  So have you started dating?  Have you met anyone special?”her mother slyly asked.

“Mom I know where this is headed and no I have not started dating and no I have not met anyone special.  This time is all about me.  Can’t I concentrate on just me now?  Any way what’s the use in meeting someone new?  At my age I should be married but since I don’t believe in marriage that’s not an option.  I don’t want to hop beds so what does that leave me?  Alone.”  Evangeline dejectedly said.

“What do you mean you don’t believe in marriage?  Why not?  If two people love each other and work at it marriage is great.  When did you stop believing in marriage?”her mother asked surprised at Evangeline’s remark about marriage.

“Mom, fifty percent of marriages end in divorce and divorce can be cruel especially with children involved. I’ve handled my share of divorce cases and I have seen the damage it does to all parties involved.  I want no part of that,”Evangeline responded defiantly.

“Evangeline you’ve only seen part of the picture.  You say fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.  What about the other fifty percent who don’t divorce?  Why can’t you see yourself in that positive half and not the negative half?  I know lawyers can be cynical because they do see the darker side of life more times than the rest of the general public but honey look for the good.  Marriage can be wonderful when two people love each other and work together to keep their relationship vibrant and fulfilling.  If they exclude divorce as a solution or better yet don’t make divorce an option then they have no choice but to work at their marriage.  Live your life sweetheart.  Yes, you can learn from others, but learn not to make the same mistakes.  Don’t conclude that since it happened to someone whom you thought had everything going for him or her that it will also happen to you.  Make your life different.  I see that frown on your face.  I won’t say anymore on that subject.  Think about what I’ve said,”her mother said as she moved to clear the table and move everything back into the house.

When Evangeline returned home from her mother’s house on Sunday she took a shower and took a long nap.  After the nap she felt refreshed but one thing still tugged at the back of her mind, her conversation with her mother about marriage. She remembered saying to John that she didn’t believe in marriage.  But how do I become a wife and mother without marriage? She asked herself. She had told Todd that she was leaving Llanview so that she could be a wife and mother.  If she continued to negate marriage as an option then she could not fulfill her goal.  Maybe she could just have a child as a single parent.  She could have artificial insemination.  No, no that would not do.  I want the full deal, the husband and the children. She emphatically thought.  Wow that was a bit of self-discovery for her.  Okay I conclude that yes marriage is not so bad if you have two people who love each other and are willing to work at their relationship against all odds then it could last.  She determined that as the closing argument to the court case that took place in her mind.  She played all the roles from defense attorney and prosecutor to judge and jury.  Marriage won. Case closed.

Now she thought all that she needed was a man who loves her and is willing to work at their relationship against all odds.  Does such a person exist? she asked herself.  We shall see what the Lord provides.

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

When John returned from Quantico he knew that he had to do one more thing before he left Llanview for good.  He didn’t know where Evangeline was but he knew that Nora did.  He would write a letter to Evangeline and give it to Nora to send to her.  He would tell her everything, about his father, about Caitlin, about Natalie, and most of all about himself.  He didn’t know if he would ever see her again but he wanted her to know that he valued her.  After all of this time he wants to talk and she’s nowhere to be found.  How ironic.  But he would do it.  He would put it all in a letter.  He owed her that much.  He then had to convince Nora to send it to her.  John thought, maybe Evangeline left instructions with Nora not to contact her regarding me.  She probably didn’t bother.  She didn’t want anything to do with me based upon our last conversation. John sat and wrote the letter and poured out his heart in it.

Evangeline,

Don’t throw away this letter just yet.  Don’t be mad at Nora for sending it to you.  Just hear me out.

I know that you left town and I sincerely hope that you are happy.  I want to say a few things to you and then I will leave you alone forever.

My father died when I was ten years old.  After he died I became the ‘man of the house’.  I didn’t know what that meant.  I was ten years old.  I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I remember telling you how I would sit and listen to my mother crying and wanting so badly to make everything better for her.  But I couldn’t do that.  I couldn’t bring back my father.  I tried to be strong.  I tried to show my mother that I was strong.  I wouldn’t cry so that she wouldn’t worry about me.  But I wanted to cry.  My father was dead.  I was ten years old. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t.  I had to be strong for my mother and Michael.  I kept my pain inside and as the years passed by it just became a habit not to feel pain.  

Not feeling pain or not expressing emotion came in handy as an FBI agent.  We see the underbelly of society many times and see the horror of what man can do so we numb ourselves to the horror of it all.  I managed well like that until I met Caitlin.  She brought light to my darkness.  When we fell in love I felt relief from that weight that I had carried for so many years.  But then she died and the light left with her.  I decided then not to love again.  Not to let that light in my life again.  If you go around in the dark long enough you get used to it so that when you do see light it hurts your eyes.  I decided to stay in that darkness and not feel that hurt again.

When I came to Llanview and met Christian and Natalie it started out as a job and then Christian was ‘died’ and I felt responsible for his death.  Then Natalie became a duty for me.  I was responsible for her husband’s death so I was responsible for her to help her however I could.  Whenever I helped her out of a jam for some strange reason it gave me a sense of accomplishment.  I rescued someone.  I rescued someone even though I couldn’t rescue or save Caitlin or Christian.  I know that it may sound crazy but I had to go through all of that to realize that I was wrong.

Therapy with Dr. Crosby allowed me to address all of these issues, my father’s murder, Caitlin’s death, the fiasco with Christian and Natalie, and the co-dependency relationship that I developed with Natalie.  My handling of all these things was based on a decision made when I was ten years old.  That was the problem.  That was the major issue.  I stayed stuck in that mode of ‘it’s my responsibility’.  

·      My father died because he was shot and didn’t receive adequate medical care.  

·      A homicidal maniac killed Caitlin.  

·      Christian ‘died’ because someone wanted to use him in a mind control program. 

·      Natalie was not my responsibility.  She was a grown woman who should have been able to take care of herself and avoid many of the predicaments in which she found herself.  Plus she had family she could have turned to but I allowed her to always call me and unfortunately that only added to her depending on me to rescue her. 

Once I was able to see all of these issues as they truly were I was able to let go of them.  I no longer carry them around like weights around my waist as Jacob Marley did in A Christmas Carol. 

I talked about you in my sessions with Dr. Crosby.  How I treated you was my biggest regret.  You tried to help me face my issues but I didn’t want to.  It was easier for me to just exist.  You made me feel worthwhile.  You made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years.  You made me feel loved.  I didn’t know what that was after Caitlin died and I didn’t think that I would ever feel that again but you made me feel it.  But it scared me.  I was comfortable in my world of pain. You brought light to my dismal world.  

You saw that I was afraid and many times you gave me an out.  ‘I know you have to help her but if I’m going to lose you I’m walking away right now.’  ‘Marriage is one thing but love is everything.  It’s what I want and if it’s not going to work with you then I can deal with it.’  But I was too… I don’t even know the word to describe what I was.  And when you came to my office that day to end it with me the darkness returned.  I was once again in a familiar place. You were right to leave me.  I would have only pulled you into the darkness with me.  

But the darkness did not consume me all because of you. I know that you are surprised to hear that but it’s true.  When I last spoke with you and you told me that you didn’t want to be my friend I decided then and there to leave this darkness behind.  I have been in therapy since then.  I am now in the light.  I too am leaving Llanview. And before you ask, I am leaving alone.  What are the words to that song?  ‘If I can’t have you I don’t want nobody baby’.  So, I am moving on to a new life.  Maybe one day we will see each other again and when we do, if you’re not married already, I will ask you to marry me after I tell you that I love you Evangeline.  I love you more than you will ever know.  That night when I told you that you saved me, I meant it.  You saved me from myself.

Wherever you are and wherever you go just know that I, John McBain love Evangeline Williamson with all of my heart.  

I can hear you now saying, ‘John too little too late’ and I will answer, ‘It’s never to late.’

‘Here’s looking at you, kid’

Love always,

John

John took the letter to Nora’s house and explained to her what he wanted done.  Nora felt sorry for him and did as he asked.  John didn’t tell Nora that he was moving to the Washington, DC area.  He didn’t want anyone to know until he had left.  With that done John felt relieved and had hope.  If for no other reason than he had finally told Evangeline that he loved her.  John returned home and started packing.

Evangeline returned home after a grueling day at work wanting nothing else to do but take a shower, get a bite to eat and relax with a glass of wine while reading a good book.  After her meal she sat on her sofa with her glass of wine and sorted through the mail.  In her mail she had a pleasant surprise, a letter from Nora.  Although it was a pleasant surprise it was also a puzzle to her because she spoke with Nora two days ago and Nora did not mention that she had sent a letter to Evangeline.  Evangeline sat her glass on the end table and opened the letter. Inside the envelope was another envelope with her name on it.  She frowned and wondered, ‘what is this?’  Then she felt the hair on the back of her neck tingle because at that moment she recognized the handwriting, it was John’s handwriting.  She threw the letter on the sofa, stood and starting pacing and talking to herself. 

What is this? I can’t take this.  John is in my past, not my present and definitely not my future.  Why is he doing this to me and why did Nora help him?  I don’t want to read it.  I won’t read it.  I will tear it up and throw it away without reading it, like he did do me. He tore me up so bad.  He threw me away like last night’s garbage. He threw me away without reading me, without understanding me, without needing me, without loving me.  Why should I listen to anything he has to say?  I told him what I wanted him to know the last time that I saw him,‘I don’t want to be your friend.  Every time I see you I see your betrayal.I told you once, what I need is someone who will love me in return.  You are not that man and you can’t be for anyone until you love yourself.’

Wait, I can do this.  It’s only a letter.  If I sent a letter to him I would want him to read it. It can’t hurt anything. It’s only words.  He’s probably writing to tell me that he’s getting married to his ‘luv’ and didn’t want me to hear it from anyone else, as if I would care what he did.  Okay, okay let me read it and be done with it and him.  I opened the letter and began to read it.  So many different feelings overwhelmed me as I read John expressing his pain through the years.

‘I was ten years old. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t.  I had to be strong for my mother and Michael.  I kept my pain inside and as the years passed by it just became a habit not to feel pain.’

‘If you go around in the dark long enough you get used to it so that when you do see light it hurts your eyes.  I decided to stay in that darkness and not feel that hurt again.’

‘My handling of all these things was based on a decision made when I was ten years old.’

I grabbed my throw pillow to hold onto something to keep me anchored. The welling of hurt inside me had to release, the hurt that I felt for John, the hurt for the ten year old boy who took the weight of the world upon his shoulder and the hurt of the grown man who still carried that weight.  I wept. The weeping turning into crying and then,

‘You were right to leave me.  I would have only pulled you into the darkness with me.’

The crying ended in wailing.  Oh my John, poor John.  I couldn’t continue reading.  I placed the letter on the end table and hugged myself and cried.  I cried for John, I cried me for me, and I cried for us.  With all those things boiling inside of him there was no way he could fully commit to anyone.  It wasn’t about me.  It wasn’t about not wanting me or loving me it was about the horror of his losses and he dealt with them as he saw fit.  I’m glad that he finally continued his therapy with Dr. Crosby.

Okay let me gather myself and calm down.  I took a deep breath, drank a bit of wine, picked up the letter and continued to read.

‘When I last spoke with you and you told me that you didn’t want to be my friend I decided then and there to leave this darkness behind.  I have been in therapy since then.  I am now in the light.  I too am leaving Llanview.’

What, what, John is leaving Llanview!  No one told me that he was leaving.  Wait, how could anyone tell me?  I told both Nora and Todd that I didn’t want to hear anything about anyone there in Llanview and they knew that especially meant John. Well good for him, he’s leaving. I don’t need to know where he is I just hope and pray that he is well.

‘Wherever you are and wherever you go just know that I, John McBain love Evangeline Williamson with all of my heart.’

Wait, wait, wait, what?  I missed something here.  How did he jump from ‘leaving Llanview’ to ‘I love you Evangeline’.  I must have skipped over something.

‘Maybe one day we will see each other again and when we do, if you’re not married already, I will ask you to marry me after I tell you that I love you Evangeline.  I love you more than you will ever know.  That night when I told you that you saved me, I meant it.  You saved me from myself.’

No, John, don’t do this to me.  I left you in the past.  Don’t do this to me.  Is this real?  Is this a joke? It looks like his handwriting. No, John wouldn’t be that cruel.  It must be real then. Oh my, what do I do now?  What do I do now?  Nothing, I will do nothing.  If it’s real then he will find me and we will see what happens then.  I will not wait for him again.  I will get on with my life.  

As a matter of fact I will go on that blind date set up by my friend Brenda.  It’s a week away because the guy is out of the country until then.  It’s not like I will meet my ‘prince charming’ on a blind date. That’s only in fairytales.

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John settled into his new job and enjoyed it immensely.  He thought for a moment about his letter to Evangeline.  ‘What did she think of it?  Will she contact me?’  No he thought.  She’s done with me plus no one knows where I am except Bo and I asked him not to tell anyone, even Nora, where I was until six months had passed.  

I’m glad to be back in the states.  I had to go out of the country to interview several witnesses from some of our cases.  That’s how it goes.  Since we work on closed cases and years have passed since they were active, witnesses have moved, changed names or died.  But my team is great and when we finally identify the perpetrator we all feel a sense of hard fought victory for the family of the victim. 

Now I have to get ready for that blind date set up by the wife of one of my crew.  She thinks that I spend too much time alone and that I need someone in my life.  I would love to have someone in my life but that someone doesn’t want me.  Evangeline.  Well it won’t hurt to go out and meet people. I do have to get on with my life.

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Evangeline goes on her blind date.  The date started out well. They had some things in common.  He liked ballet and opera as much as she did.  They then started talking about football and she interjected that she knew about holding and encroachment.  He cut her off and said “Good to see you have read a bit but I don’t think women can fully understand all of the intricacies of the sport.” Evangeline did not want to appear rude and didn’t want to say anything unkind.  Evangeline stopped took a deep breath called the waiter for the check, paid the check and said to her date, “I may not understand all the intricacies of the sport but I do know not to be rude to someone when they are trying to show interest in what you are saying. I will say both goodnight and goodbye to you Peter.  We will not meet again if I can in any way avoid it.”  With that said, she rose from the table, exited the restaurant, caught a cab and went home. She thought, ‘I won’t do that again.’

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John goes on his blind date.  The date started out well until every ten minutes her phone rang and instead of silencing it she answered and carried on a conversation with several different people during the entire meal.  After the meal ended, John called for the check, paid it and said to his date, “Thank you for sharing a meal with me.  We won’t see each other again.  Goodbye.” John left and returned home. He thought, ‘I won’t do that again.’

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Evangeline had to attend a panel discussion at Georgetown University Law School.  Mr. Blazevitch was scheduled to participate but a family emergency prevented his attendance and he asked Evangeline to sit in for him.  He told her that she could handle it and she agreed to fill in for him.  She gathered her materials and arrive at the venue early enough to make certain that she had all that she needed.  She had the opportunity before the beginning of the session to speak with some of the other panelists and to talk with many of those who had registered for the session. 

The session was not only open to Georgetown students but many governmental agencies sent staff to participate to earn CEUs (Continuing Education Units).   The panelists represented many areas of law from attorneys and law enforcement officers from the local, state, and federal levels. 

The session went well and the panelists were great.  The audience asked many thought provoking questions.  The session was breaking for lunch.  I gathered my materials.  I was only attending the morning session.  Someone else from another division in the firm would handle the afternoon session.  I approached the rear of the room to exit and bumped into someone who was entering the room.  I looked up into the crystal blue eyes I would know anywhere, John McBain. John looked at Evangeline and couldn’t believe that she was here, actually here standing in from of him.

“I love you Evangeline.  Will you marry me?” I said to her.  I would not wait a moment longer without telling her what I vowed in my letter to say to her if next we met.

Evangeline looked at me in shock, shook her head and fainted straight away.  I caught her before she hit the floor.  People rushed to us and I told them that she was just light-headed because she hadn’t eaten.  A nurse there took her pulse and determined that she was fine and told me to make sure that I fed her.  I told her that I would take care of Evangeline.  No truer words were said.  I would take care of Evangeline for the rest of my life if she gave me the chance.

I came to and found myself lying on a sofa in someone’s office. I turned my head and there sat John McBain.  He looked at me and smiled.  

“Evangeline are you okay?”

“John, what did you say?” 

“I asked if you are okay?”

“No, not that, before.  Before I passed out. What did you say?”

I took her, looked her in the eyes and said, “I love you Evangeline.  Will you marry me?”

Evangeline looked at him, looked around the office, then looked back at John and said, “Are you crazy?  Did I hit my head? Am I hallucinating?  Are you really here?  Where are we anyway?

I shook my head and smiled and said, “You fainted.  A nurse checked you.  You are okay. One of the staff persons offered their office for you to recover. No I am not crazy.  Yes I do love you.  Yes I want to marry you.  No you did not hit your head.  I caught you before you hit the floor.  You are not hallucinating.”  And then he pinched her to prove to her that she was awake and not hallucinating.

“You pinched me!” she said as she pinched him back.

“Are you ready for lunch?  The nurse told me to feed you.”  John said as he helped her to her feet. 

“Why are you here John?  I read your letter. Did you track me down?  Are you here for me, really?”

John hesitated a moment and pondered how he would answer that question.  If he said ‘no’ that he wasn’t here for her she would think that he really did not want her. He couldn’t lie to her so he said, “I’m here because I’m supposed to be here.  It doesn’t matter the how it only matters that now we two are here together.  What we do with that is left to us.  I want you Evangeline.  I want you as my wife and the mother of my children.  I will do whatever you ask me to do to make that a reality. If you want me to court you and woo you I will do that.  What I won’t do is live without you.  That is not an option.  I don’t see a ring so I will hope that you are not married.  I won’t assume anything.  Now with that said, we need to give the office back to the staff.  They have been very kind and patient with their time.  I will go wherever you want for us to continue this conversation. I will arrange or rearrange my schedule to accommodate you.  Just tell me what you want me to do.”

I wanted so much to rebel and say no I don’t want you in my life but I watched him as he spoke and I saw the truth of his words.  I want him.  I want him so much.  So I decided to just do it.  Just ‘relax, relate, and release’. 

“John we do need to talk.  There’s a nice coffee house a block away.  How about we go there and continue this conversation?”

“Sounds like a plan to me, lead the way.”

They walked to the coffee house neither of them saying anything along the way but glanced at each other when the other wasn’t looking. They both thought about what they would say when they reached the coffee house and neither had come to any conclusion by the time they reached their destination.  Evangeline led John to a small room on the side.  He looked at her questioningly and she said that she knew about the room because she had met here several times with a language group to which she belonged.  John nodded and entered the room after her and closed the door.

“Evangeline I meant every word that I said back at the meeting hall.  I love you and I want to marry you.  I’m glad that you read my letter.  I’m thankful that Nora actually sent it.  I didn’t think that I would ever see you again but I wanted you to know how I really feel about you.  It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to finally rid myself of all that negative energy that bound me for so many years. I can honestly say that I am a new person now.  New in the sense that I don’t feel burdened down with regret and feel that I have to be anyone’s rescuer.  After such a long time in the dark I want to relish in the light.  You are my light Evangeline.  Please give me a chance to love you how you should be loved.  Please give me a chance at happiness because you are my happiness.  If I know that there’s a chance I will stick with you forever.”

At those words, the words that I said to him so many years ago, ‘if I know that there’s a chance I will stick with you forever’, I kissed him.  I couldn’t help myself.  I know it may seem weak of me but I don’t care. I almost died.  The next moment of life is not guaranteed to any of us.  I will grab my chance at happiness and not let go.  So I took it.  I took my chance. I grabbed him and kissed him with all the fervor I could muster.  I kissed him while letting go of all the hurt that we caused each other. I kissed him while thanking God for giving us another chance at love.  I kissed him knowing that we still had things to discuss but now at this moment ‘I will relish in the light’.

She totally surprised me.  She is kissing me.  I am kissing her.  Oh how I have missed her gorgeous lips.  Oh how I missed the smell of her and the taste of her.  She fits me like a glove.  We fit each other perfectly.  I don’t care why she’s kissing me I just thank God that she is. Does this mean that she will marry me?  Does this mean that she loves me?  I won’t say that she still loves me.  I want her love ‘anew’.  I want a new love with her, a love without all of the hurt and doubt. We can do this.  With her we can do anything that we set our minds to do.  Are we on one accord? Do we agree?  I will ask her later but now I will enjoy the kiss. Oh how I love her.

The kiss seems to go on forever but it really only lasted a few moments.  We both parted for air and looked at each other and smiled.

“Okay what did that kiss mean to you Evangeline?  I hope that it means to you what it means to me.  I hope that it means that you want to be with me.  Does it?  Please say that it does.  I know that we still have things to discuss and work out but do you want me? Do you want a life with me Evangeline?  If it sounds like I’m begging, I don’t care.  If that is what it takes to get you back in my life I will get on my knees and grovel. I will.”

“John, you don’t have to get on your knees, just yet.  The kiss means that I wanted to kiss you.  It means that I want a chance with you.  We still have things that we need to discuss but not in this public place.  The kiss says that I hear you John and that I want to continue hearing you. I am so glad that you are better and have resolved your ‘issues’.  You’re not the only one.  I also had issues to resolve but I don’t want to talk about them here and now.”

“So you want to continue to talk to me?  Great! How about we meet for dinner? If we want a private conversation I know this restaurant where we can have our own private room.  What do you say, are you available tonight?  I don’t want to lose this momentum and I really don’t want to delay this discussion.  What do you say?

“It just so happens that I am free tonight.  Give me the address and I will meet you at the restaurant.  What’s the dress code at the restaurant?

“Business professional.  Here’s the address. At what time do you want to meet?

“Seven. Does that work for you?”

“I will make it work.  I know that we both need to return to work but thank you so much for this Evangeline.  I promise that you won’t regret your decision.  Thank you.”

“ I know that I won’t regret it John.  See you at seven.”

They exited the coffee house; she kissed his cheek and hailed a cab.  He stood on the sidewalk with a smile on his face that would lighten a darkened room.  He returned to his office at the DC FBI headquarters and breezed through his work with a new vigor.  He was seeing Evangeline tonight and all was right with the world.

Evangeline returned to her office with a new pep in her step and breezed through her files.  She was seeing John tonight and the world couldn't be better.  What a difference a day makes.  She had no idea when she woke up this morning what a change would occur in her life.  But she didn't care.  A near death experince taught her to count her blessings and hold them dear.  She would do just that.  Being with John again is a major blessing and she will hold it very dear, very dear indeed.

I made it home with enough time to shower and prepare for my meeting with John tonight.  Now I have to choose an outfit.  When I packed to leave Llanview I donated most of my clothing.  I wanted a fresh start and plus working for a major firm I knew that I needed to update my wardrobe with better quality clothing.  Not to say that I was a slouch before but now I’m in the ‘big leagues’ and need to ‘dress to impress’.  I may not dress exactly like Jessica Pearson from that television show “Suits” but I come darn near it.  I’ve traded my usual wrap dresses for fine tailored suits, blazers, shift dresses, pencil skirts and assorted designed tops.  My color palette for work has changed to a neutral one of tan, grey and black with an occasional pop of color.  It’s almost like a uniform but it works perfectly for me.  I need that regimen and structure.  I’ve toned down my use of jewelry to more sedate earrings and only a Movado watch.  

So now what do I wear for tonight?  I know.  I will wear the black and white rose print peplum top with a black pencil skirt and a pair of Jimmy Choo black heels.  Of course underneath I have my standard La Perla.  I would usually wear Victoria Secret but I feel a little naughty tonight.  Not to say that I would go that far with John this early.  No, that’s not happening and that’s one of the things that we need to talk about tonight if we have any chance of making a go of a ‘new’ relationship.  All dressed and looking lovely I grab my purse and leave my condo and head out to the restaurant.

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Whew I didn’t know it was that late!  I have just enough time to shower, change and meet Evangeline at the restaurant.  I called and reserved the room so everything’s set.  I told them that we wanted some privacy so that after they take our order they will leave and not interrupt us as much as they would if we sat in the main dining area.  Now what do I wear?  When I left Llanview I decided to change my wardrobe from those dark colors that seemed to match my dark mood to brighter colors.  Not neon colors but more varied colors like brown, grey and blue.  I know.  I will wear that navy blue suit with a white shirt and blue striped tie with black shoes.  All dressed and looking quite dapper if I say so myself let me leave now so that I arrive at the restaurant on time.

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I stand in the lobby of the restaurant to wait for Evangeline to arrive.  Just as I look down to check my watch I hear her call my name.  I stare at her.  She looks beautiful.  There is something different about her.  She exudes a confidence that I had not noticed before.  She’s not wearing her usual style of dress; I think it’s called a ‘wrap dress’.  She looks professional, distinguished and gorgeous.  As she walked up to me the hostess informed us that our room was ready and that she would escort us.  We followed and walked into the room and took our seats.  The hostess told us that our waiter would come shortly with the menus and to take our orders.  

“You look gorgeous Evangeline.”

“Thank you John.  You look quite handsome yourself.  What happened to the ‘black’?”

“I left the black suits behind with my buried issues.  How do you like the new me?

“It looks good on you John and I like it.  Why are you staring at me? Is something on my face?”

“No, nothing’s on your face.  You just look different.  You dress different.  I thought that I would see you in one of those ‘wrap’ dresses.  You look so polished and confident and sharp.”

“Didn’t I look confident before?  Don’t answer.  I know what you mean. When I left Llanview I left that wardrobe behind.  I decided that I needed a change so I have refined a few things about myself, including my wardrobe.  You will find that many things have changed about me John since I left Llanview.  We must discuss those changes before I can decide how we will proceed.  Wait before you start talking here comes the waiter. Let’s order our food and then we can talk.  Will you agree to that?”

“Yes I agree.”

We gave our orders to the waiter and settled ourselves to discuss where do we go from here.

“I want to go first John.  Hmm that’s brings back a memory.  When I was in the hospital after the fire in the Love Center and you interrogating me.  Oh, I won’t rehash that.  It’s in the past.  But the past will shape our future if we don’t learn from the mistakes that we made in the past.  I don’t want to make the same mistakes John.  My near death experiences, and I mean experiences, not only the gas poisoning but also the tied to the stake set afire horror.  We’ve all heard the cliché of ‘life is too short’ well it’s true.  Life is too short to not grab love and happiness when you can. I’m not the same person that I was when I was in Llanview.  Those terrifying things changed me.  I won’t let anyone use me and not have my best interest at heart.  I’m not a weak woman by nature but I am a woman and sometimes I want to be protected and I don’t want to have to tell the man that I’m with that I need it.  He should know it because he knows me.  I have a lot of love to give but I won’t give it and not receive it in return.  I won’t ever do that again.  I need for the man that I’m with to tell me that he loves and to reaffirm it with his actions.  I don’t need a man to define me but I want a man to refine me.  When I say refine I mean that he smooths out my rough edges with his patience and he talks to me and with me.  He lets me be weak sometimes and strong at others and he’s not intimidated when I am strong because he knows that I love him and will undergird him when he is weak and support him when he is strong. I love a man with a strong hand. I don’t want to wear the pants in the relationship.  If I did I could do that by myself.  I want the man to be a man and lead. I don’t mind following as long as we have the same end in mind. I have a time consuming and difficult job and I need a safe haven when I come home.  I also need a listening ear.  Not someone to solve my problems, I can do that myself, but someone who will listen when I need to vent.  They may not say a word but will just hold me so that I know that I am not alone.  Can you do that John? Can you be that man John? If you can’t then I don’t think that we have a chance at anything.  I know that you said that you love me and that you want to marry me but do you know what that means John?  Do you really?  That train station attack years ago showed us that not everyone would be happy to see the two of us together.  Are you ready to deal with that John?  Don’t say that color doesn’t matter because it does.  Of course I won’t let that deter me from loving whom I choose but I won’t pretend that it doesn’t exist.  The key is how do you respond to it.  I respond to it by not playing into the hate game.  I won’t dignify that ignorance with a moment of my time.  If I decide to marry you I will because I love you beyond all reason and I would excitedly have your children and love you and them until the end of my days. But I can’t do that until I know that you see me John and not some image of perfection that you put on a pedestal years ago that you felt unworthy to love.  I am flesh and blood.  I breathe and I bleed.  Love me John with all of my faults and blemishes as I would love you with yours. If you can do that John, if you can show me that you actually see me, Evangeline Williamson, a woman who has made mistakes, a women who is not perfect, a woman who believes that God made you for me then I will marry you John.  I will marry you as soon as possible because I can’t bear to be without you.”

Before John could respond the waiter entered with our food and left.  John started to talk and I stopped him.  

“John before you respond, do you want to eat first or talk first?”

“Evangeline I want to talk first.  They can always reheat the food.”

“Okay I just wanted to give you the option of delaying your response.  What do you want to say?”

“Evangeline there is so much that I want to say but let me first say this.  I love you and I want to marry you as soon as possible.  I will say it again and again.  I want you to be my wife and the mother of my children.  Now with that said let me explain some things to you.  You were correct when you said that I put you on a pedestal.  I did and it made me think that I was unworthy of your love but I was wrong.  You are human just like I am.  If you get cut you bleed just like I would.  I didn’t see you, as you really are, a woman, a beautiful woman who offered me her love and I was too stupid to accept it. Instead I took her physical offerings and thought that was enough.  I was wrong.  Losing you made me realize the errors of my ways.  When you were hurt after the train attack and you stayed with me that was a great time for me.  Taking care of you then I felt worthy.  When you returned home I went back to thinking, ‘what do I have to offer her? Nothing.’  I told you in the letter that you were right to leave me.  I was no good for you the way that I was.  I’m not like that anymore Evangeline. I see you.  A strong, independent and fierce women who can take care of herself but can also love a man with an passionate and tender love that can uplift them both.  I want that kind of love with you Evangeline.  God made you for me.  I won’t make the same mistakes of the past because we are different people now.  Give me a chance to prove my love to you.  Give me a chance that lasts a lifetime.  Can you do that Evangeline?”

“John, I can do that.  I want to do that. I want to be your wife and the mother of your children.  There are two more things that we need to discuss.  First, we can’t have sex.  That was one major thing that we did wrong in the past.  Our new relationship must be built upon love, trust, and faith.  We must have love for each other; trust in each other and faith in God and each other.  Second, you have to be involved in the wedding planning. You don’t get to tell me ‘whatever you want to do Evangeline’.  You have to be there for the reception meal selection, wedding cake selection and things like that.  Well make that three things, how do you propose to me without a ring?  And one more thing, where will we live after we’re married?  We have a lot of things to discuss.  John, why are you looking at me like that?  Why are you smiling?  Did I say something funny?  John?  Answer me.”

“You are amazing.  I thought that you would give me the cross examination of a lifetime.  Why didn’t you?”

“I see you John.  For the first time I see you in your words.  You took responsibility for your actions and didn’t blame them on your father’s death or Caitlin’s murder.  It was all you.  And now you see me.  The real me.  We can build upon that and make a life for our children and ourselves.  You do realize that you will have to deal with my mother and Uncle Clay once I break the news to them.”

“I don’t care. As long as I get to marry you I will suffer through it.  Speaking of rings, do you want me to select one on my own or do you want to go with me?”

“No, I want you to do that all by your lonesome.”

“And another thing Evangeline, I agree with you that we should wait until after the wedding to have sex.  You are more to me than sex.  You always were. Anyway I don’t want to have sex with you.  I want to make love to you.”

“I know John. So that’s settled.  Do you want to eat now?   Oh here’s the waiter.”

The waiter took our plates back to the kitchen for reheating, returned them to us and we had a delicious meal.  We agreed to meet again after John purchased the ring and made a proper proposal.

John and I didn’t get to meet again as soon as we had hoped because work got in the way.  We talked each night but had not had the time to actually sit down together. On the fourth day of this roller coaster work getting in the way thing we both decided that enough was enough. We both agreed that we would not allow ‘old habits’ to derail the progress that we had made in our relationship.  Fortunately it was a Friday and the end of the workweek so we decided that we would spend the weekend talking and making plans.  John invited me to dinner at a swanky restaurant in downtown DC.  I smiled when he told me the name of the restaurant.  I said to him, ‘McBain coming up in the world’.  He smiled.  He remembered that I said that to him before about his bathroom at his old apartment.  We agreed to meet at 7:00 p.m. at the restaurant.

John had been very busy since the last time that he saw Evangeline but it wasn’t all due to work.  John did find the ring that he wanted to give to her.  He also made some very important telephone calls. John decided to ‘grab the bull by the horn’ and deal with all of the naysayers of his new relationship with Evangeline by speaking with each of them and pleading his case.

John drove to Maryland to meet with Evangeline’s mother and with Evangeline’s Uncle Clay.  Of course they were none too pleased to see him but he laid it all out on the table to them about how sorry he was for how he treated Evangeline when they were together.  To strengthen his argument he even called Dr. Crosby and allowed Dr. Crosby to divulge some of the things discussed during John’s therapy.  Both Mrs. Williamson and Uncle Clay were impressed with John’s sincerity.  If he was willing to expose the details of this therapy with them then he must be serious about what he intends.  

John finally asked them both if he could ‘have Evangeline’s hand in marriage’.  They both looked at each other, each wanting to give him a hard time, but they knew that Evangeline still loved John.  She had not said anything to them but they remember how happy she was with him and how miserable she was without him.  Even with all the drama with the Buchanan girl, Lisa knew that her daughter loved John McBain.  Clay only wanted Evangeline to be happy.  He remembered the time that John and Evangeline came for her great aunt’s funeral and how he cross-examined John.  He didn’t think that John deserved his niece.  But the John of then is not the same John standing before him now.  Clay considers himself a fair man so if he were in the same situation he would want that same consideration.  So both Lisa and Clay gave their blessings.  John thanked them and left to return to DC.

When John arrived back at his apartment he made two more telephone calls.  He made calls to the two persons, outside of her family, who are very important to Evangeline. He called Nora Hannon and Todd Manning.  He figured that Nora would understand but he knew that Todd would be a hard sell.  John was not naïve enough to not know that Todd also loved Evangeline but that Evangeline did not love Todd in a romantic sense. She loved Todd as a best friend, although he’s sure that Nora would argue that she is Evangeline’s best friend.  Both Nora and Todd are protective of Evangeline.  John appreciates that but he also knew that if they objected to John’s relationship with Evangeline that they could have a major effect on the outcome of his proposal.  So John humbled himself and made those two important telephone calls.  As expected Nora listened, advised, and as expected gave her congrats to him, even though he had not actually proposed yet.  On the other hand Todd fought tooth and nail with him and objected on all grounds but John finally convinced him of his sincerity.  Todd reluctantly conceded but with a final warning, 

“If you hurt her again McBain I will make you disappear never to be found.”

“Todd you do realize that you just threatened an FBI agent. That is a felony offense.”

“Felony, smelony, I don’t care.  Don’t hurt her again.”

“I won’t Todd, I promise you.”

“All right then, you have my permission to marry my best friend Evangeline.  Now get off the phone so that I can call her.”

“Todd don’t call her today.  I have something planned for Friday.  If it goes how I hope I will call you and can talk with her then.  Will you agree to wait until then?

“All right, don’t get your panties in a bunch.  So I take it you will propose on Friday.  Where did you get the ring?  In a Cracker Jack box?  Ha, ha!”

“I will hang up now Todd.  I will call you on Friday.  Thanks for everything.”

“Whatever McBain.  Good night.”

John was glad that was over.

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We arrived at the restaurant and were shown to our table.  We ordered and had a delicious dinner. Just as the waiter approached with the dessert, John put up his hand to stop him.  John then knelt on one knee, took a ring box out his pocket and said,

“Evangeline Williamson I have loved you for so long.  I can’t see my life without you.  Will you marry me and make my life complete?”  He then took out the ring and took my hand, looking at me waiting for an answer.

“John McBain I would love nothing more than to marry you.  Yes, yes, a million times yes!!”

John then stood and kissed me.  Since we were in a public place he couldn’t give me one of his usual ‘all consuming, stop my heart, knock me off my feet’ kiss but it was good enough for public viewing.  Then we heard clapping.  The people at the tables around us were smiling and clapping and offering congratulations.  How we sat back down and ate our dessert I don’t know but we did. 

After dinner we went to my condo and sat and talked through the night.  John did remember to call Todd and Evangeline spoke with him.  She convinced Todd that she was sure that she wanted to marry John and she wanted her friend to be happy for her.  Todd couldn’t refuse Evangeline anything so he said that he was happy for her.  She was happy.  

As it was Friday we didn’t have work the next day.  John did stay the night but slept in the guest room.  I usually kept new pajamas in that room for Todd’s visits so John used those.  We stayed true to our agreement of ‘no sex’ and strangely enough it wasn’t hard to do.  We both wanted to do this the right way.  Saturday I had a session with my running group so John left to go to his apartment but we agreed to me up later in the day at his apartment.  He would cook dinner for me.  My, my how things have changed.  John actually cooks.

After John left I prepared myself for my run.  I met the group at the designated place and we ran our eight miles.  The running group consists of 10 men and women of ages ranging from middle twenties to middle sixties.  Some are training for events and others of us run for the fun of it.  It makes it more enjoyable when you can run with someone. Everyone in the group has been very nice to me. I’m one of the newer members.  I usually work out in the exercise room at work but I thought that getting out into the fresh air would do me good and running is always a good choice.  One lady in the group in particular has taken me under her wing.  She’s been running for years.  She’s in her early fifties, but looks like she’s in her forties.  She doesn’t talk too much about her work but I do know that she works for the government.  We refer to each other strictly by first names.  One person coordinates the running group and contacts us my messaging or email.  Who uses email anymore these days?  Some people still do.  Any way, I digress.  Surprisingly I enjoy running.  Margie loves running.  That’s her name Margie, the lady who has befriended me.

A/N: Margie’s a character in one of my other stories. Do you know which story?

As always, thnx for reading and do leave a review.  Writing is hard and the reviews help ease the load.

Life After the Storm a JOVAN story

Chapter 10     The Wedding

Things are terrific at work.  In the past month the firm has landed several new prestigious clients.  The associates in all of the departments are working like crazy and revenues have soared.  Mr. Blazevitch has reduced his hours at the office.  I do miss seeing him every day.  We still talk at least once a week.  He’s one the kindest persons I have ever met.  He took a chance on me and I don’t want to disappoint him. 

Recently I met with my old college professor, Professor Nolan. He finally got to meet John. When he came to Llanview years ago, John didn’t meet him because he was locked in an evidence room with Natalie. Well John made quite an impression on Professor Nolan. The meeting went quite well and Professor Nolan requested an invite to the wedding.  We assured him that we would send one to him. 

John and his team have closed several cases in the last month. They know that it is painstaking work but the new technology available has gone a long way in solving cases now that once seemed unsolvable.  

John and I have made major headway in our wedding plans. We’re getting married at my mother’s church.  That was one concession that we felt that we had to make to appease my family.  Anyway I grew up in that church so it wasn’t a terribly hard choice.  The reception will take place in a small ballroom at the Four Seasons Hotel in my hometown.  Where I grew up in Maryland is not that far from DC so it’s not a bother for everything to occur there.  

My mother, Layla and Nora helped me to find my dress.  I chose a white Vera Wang wedding dress. It is beautiful.  John opted for a black tuxedo with tie and cummerbund to match our color of lavender.  Nora is my maid of honor and Layla is the bridesmaid.  Both Layla and Nora agreed to matching dresses in lavender. John chose Michael as his best man and Todd as an usher.  Todd’s inclusion was also a concession.  Although he and John will never be friends, I wanted my friend in my wedding so John conceded.  The flower girl is my cousin Brenda’s little girl and the ring bearer is Brenda’s son.  Uncle Clay and my mother will walk me down the aisle.  Other than Bo Buchanan, Nora, Michael, Marcie and Todd those are the only people from Llanview who will attend our wedding.  The rest of the attendees are my family members and friends, a few people from my office and John’s office, Mr. and Mrs. Blazevitch, and Margie and her husband.  In total we have only one hundred people.

We left our past behind in Llanview and didn’t want to bring it to our new life in DC.  We were both fine with a small wedding.  As long as we were husband and wife at the end of all the hoopla we were fine. The wedding takes place in two weeks.  Everything is done. Food, cake, flowers, music, decorations and that’s all I can think of right now. Although neither of us has been at our jobs that long we did get the time off to take a honeymoon.  We both decided that since we’re only getting married once then we will do it right. We will have two weeks off from work. John says that we’re going on a tour of a few of the major cities in Europe such as Paris, Rome, London, and Venice.  I badgered him to tell me because I needed to know if I had the proper clothing.  He caved in and told me and I am highly excited. John and I have never vacationed together.  This will be exciting.

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The wedding day finally arrived.  Everything went extremely well.  Everyone showed up and everything started on time and the food and entertainment were great.  The ceremony was lovely.  We opted for traditional vows.  The church looked magnificent.  The reception hall was beautiful.  We decided on a DJ so that we could have a wide assortment of music to choose.  He was outstanding. Everyone had a great time. The food was scrumptious and the cake was beautiful and delicious.  Michael and Nora didn’t disappoint with their toasts.  They are a pair of nuts.  Todd was on his best behavior and I appreciated it greatly. He and I talked during the reception.

“Well best friend are you still happy to be with McBain?  If not we can leave now and I will whisk you away from here.”

“Todd I am extremely happy with John.  You don’t have to worry about me.  We’re married now and that is how we will stay.”

“So I guess that I can’t visit you anymore.”

“Todd I don’t think that it would be appropriate for you to stay at my home now but you can always visit and stay at a hotel.  You are always welcome in my home.  You are one of my best friends and that will never change.  I love you Todd Manning and don’t you forget it.”

“I love you Evangeline Mc.. (cough, cough).  I think that I’m going to choke.”

“Todd stop kidding.  You are fine.  I am Evangeline Williamson for work but Evangeline McBain for everything else.  Now come and dance with me.  You’ll be okay and I will call you when I return from my honeymoon. Okay?”

“I will hold you to that Evangeline.  Don’t worry about me.  As long as he keeps you happy then I am fine.  The two of us have had some rough times but look at us.  We survived it all.  You helped me Evangeline when everyone gave up on me. Everyone except my sister Vickie and my daughter Starr.  I will never forget that and I will always love you for it.  Come on let us show them how it’s done.”

They danced and had a great time.  Todd felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see John behind him.

“Todd, may I cut in and dance with my wife?”

“Sure McBain. Just remember what I told you. You hurt her, you disappear forever.”

“Todd behave yourself.  Be good okay.”

“All right Evangeline.  Anything for you. She’s all yours John.”

“Yes she is. Finally. Hello again my wife.”

Hello again my husband.  Is it time to leave”

“Yes it is. We need to change and leave for the airport.  It’s a good thing that we booked a room here.  Did you remember to arrange with your sister to take our things to your apartment.”

“Yes I did. We can go up and change now and check out.  We will move our things to her room that is down the hall from our room.  Can you believe that we made it?  We’re married now.”

“Yes we are. We’re married forever.  Now let’s blow this joint and hit the road.  Europe awaits the McBains.  And I have a surprise for you.”

“What John what surprise do you have for me?”

“I’ll tell you when we’re on the plane.  Come on let’s announce our departure and say good bye to all of our guests.”

We said goodbye to everyone.  Went to the room to change.  Moved our things to Layla’s room and checked out of the hotel.  The limousine dropped off at our terminal at the airport and we checked in and went to our gate. We boarded the plane and took our seats.  It was a seven-hour flight and we slept for a few hours and then watched a movie.  We arrived in London first.  The surprise that John had for me was that we will travel to Ireland to visit the town where John’s grandparents lived.  They are all now deceased but he has cousins who live in the property now.  John’s mother had contacted these relatives to let them know that we would visit.  This was great. We had a marvelous time with them. After that visit we returned to London for a few days and then moved on to the rest of the cities.  Of course, Paris was simply marvelous with all the monuments and museums and restaurants.  Rome and Venice were spectacular as well.  This was a trip to remember.

Before we returned home we stopped and reminisced about our first night together again.  It was everything that I hoped it to be.  Our lovemaking took on a life of its own because this time it was different.  We actually made love. We make love with our bodies and with our hearts in sync.  That made all of the difference in the world and we realized that and vowed never to take each other for granted ever again.

The trip home was fine and we were both glad to return to our apartment.  John and I decided to stay in my apartment until we could find a place to call our own.  We didn’t have to rush to find a place. We were comfortable where we are. We had a few days before we had to return to work so we just stayed around the house and did much of nothing but make love, eat, shower, make love, eat, shower, watch a little television, read a book and make love.  It felt good.

We had to return to work but we were okay with that.  We are together and we can tackle anything together.

Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

Life After the Storm a JOVAN story

Chapter 11     And Now What?

Evangeline and John settled into married life.  Their jobs kept them both busy but they always found time for each other.  They would not repeat past mistakes.  They did decide to stay in Evangeline’s apartment at least until John had worked at his new job for a year.  They did look at houses but had not decided on any particular style or on any area of the metropolitan district.

Tonight was ‘date’ night and they went to a nice restaurant that also had dancing.  They really enjoyed themselves.  They returned home, showered, made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Six months later we finally found a home.  When we walked into the house we both just felt that this was the place for us.  We could live here and grow our family here.  It had five bedrooms, four and a half bathrooms, an office, great kitchen with an island and white cabinets.  I just like the clean look of white kitchen cabinets.  I know that white cabinets take a lot to keep clean but I don’t care, that’s what I want.  We had not talked about having children any time soon but we knew that we would stay in this area for years to come and this was a great place to live with children.  The school system was excellent.  It was near enough to the city yet far enough away to have green space. We walked the neighborhood and saw families out with their children or older couples sitting on their porches. It had a good mix of young and old.  There were walking trails not too far away.  It was perfect.  We made a reasonable offer and they accepted it.  They made all of the necessary repairs and gave a three-year warranty so any repairs needed during those three years were covered by the warranty.  It was a nice deal.

We moved in a month later and 2 months after that we’re all unpacked and settled in to our ‘home’.  John is out of town on business and Nora is here with me.

“Evangeline the place is beautiful.  It is certainly big enough.  How do you plan to fill up all of this space?  Hint, hint.”

“Don’t start Nora.  We will have children in our own due time.  Right now we are enjoying each other, not that we can’t enjoy each other when we have children but you know what I mean.”

“Yes I do know what you mean.  So did John help decorate?  I don’t see any black anything around.  You know that seemed to be his favorite color.”

“Now Nora be nice.  John did help decorate.  He decorated the office since both of us will use it.  I think that he did a terrific job.  And no, black is not his favorite color anymore. He has expanded his color palette.  He is a new man and I am a new woman.  We make a great pair.  Life has changed us Nora.  Even after all we’ve been through some may think that we’ve rushed into marriage but we didn’t.  We learned each other the time that we were together before but the timing wasn’t right for us and we both had past ‘issues’ that we needed to resolve before we could commit to anybody, either of us.  If you look at it closely John probably suffered for years from post-traumatic shock disorder before they ever had the term PTSD.  The death of his father made a major impact on him as it would for any child.  Now me with my own ‘daddy’ issues we were nowhere near able to be with anyone as long as we had these unresolved matters in our psyche.  John dealt with his through therapy.  Two near death experiences cleared me up and I realized that I would not wait for happiness to fall, stumble, or creep my way.  I have loved John for years.  Any other relationship that I had after John was influenced by my relationship with John.  So when he showed up at that seminar and asked me to marry him that was my happiness there.  Nora I don’t need a man to make me complete, I know that but is so wrong for me to want John?  Why would anyone think me weak for wanting him even after all that happened between us.  I love that man and I chose him on my own schedule not on anyone else’s schedule.  So now that I’ve said that I won’t say it again. I’m glad that you like the place.”

“Evangeline, I’m sorry about saying anything that would make you think that I doubted your decision about marrying John.  I guess that I’m projecting my own indecision about Bo on to you and John. I know what you mean though about going on your own schedule.  Matthew would love for his father and me to get together again but I don’t know that Bo is there yet.  He’s gone from Paige to Lindsay and now back to me.  I don’t know what he wants but I won’t be a rebound girl for him.  He has to want me and me only.  Now I know what you felt with John and Natalie.  Why can’t men just make up their freaking minds?”

“Nora, I’m sorry to hear about Bo.  I don’t know where his head is but I do know that he loves you.  Give it some time and it will resolve itself. Just take care of you my friend. Now with that done, let’s eat. For some reason I have been so hungry lately.  I’m glad that I’ve taken up running because I need the exercise if I keep eating like I have been.”

“Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

“Can’t be, we take precautions, double precautions if you know what I mean.”

“No precaution is 100% except abstinence my dear.  But I’ll take your word for it that you’re not and TMI with the ‘double precaution’ thing.”

“Okay Nora let’s eat.”

Nora stayed the weekend and then returned to Llanview.  

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John made it back to town on Wednesday and the rest of the week kept me in court.  I was glad to see the end of the workweek and headed home on Friday ready to relax and enjoy my husband.

When I arrived at home John was in the back grilling meat for dinner. I dropped my briefcase in the office and headed upstairs to shower and change.  I pulled out a pair of Capri pants and a short sleeved top and a pair of Keds.  I went down to the kitchen and whipped up the rest of the meal.  

John came in with the meat, steak and chicken and placed everything on the island.  We sat and ate and talked about much of nothing.  We then both cleaned up the kitchen and retired to the family room to watch a movie.  It was John’s choice tonight and he chose Fast and Furious 5, which is my favorite of all of the FF movies.  The music alone had me dancing around the room, which caused a ‘stir’ in John’s pants but I just continued.  Needless to say that we didn’t finish the movie until we had taken care of that ‘stir’ in his pants.  Once done and another shower later and in our pajamas then we watched the rest of the movie and retired for the night.

Two and a half months later I was out for a run and had to stop because Mt. Vesuvius was stirring in my gut.  I walked behind a tree and puked like there’s no tomorrow. Yucko!  I finished my run and made it home.  Rushed into the master bathroom rinsed my mouth, brushed my teeth, rinsed with mouthwash, took a shower and put on some comfortable clothes and started dinner.  John wasn’t home yet so I left dinner warming and went to sit in the family room and read.  I love Sherlock Holmes stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  Years ago I received a present of Sherlock Holmes complete stories.  I came across this one story that was a bit different from the other ones that we usually think of when talking about Sherlock Holmes, like Hound of the Baskervilles, The Sign of the Four, and A Study in Scarlet.  I came across a story in the book it was called “The Yellow Face”. It was interesting and it showed how sometimes we can think too highly of ourselves and we must stay grounded and now let our egos get inflated.  I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until l felt John shaking my shoulder.

“Evangeline, wake up? Are you all right?  You don’t usually take naps.  Are you coming down with something?  Your forehead doesn’t feel warm.  I see that you cooked but didn’t eat.  Are you ready to eat now?”

“Oh John you’re here.  Yes I must have been very tired. I was reading and then you woke me up.  Yes I’m ready to eat.  Come on.”

We washed our hands and sat in the breakfast nook and ate dinner. John told me about a case that just finished.  It was a tough one, not that the others weren’t tough but it involved a child and those were always difficult.  They finally found the missing piece and solved the case and passed it on to the prosecutor and called it a day.  I’m glad he did not give me any specifics because I’m sure my stomach wouldn’t be able to take it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. After dinner I took a glass of warm water with a teaspoon of baking soda to settle my stomach.  John cleaned up the kitchen.  He didn’t have much to do other than the dinner dishes because I always clean up the pots and pans that I use when cooking and transfer the food into serving containers.  I didn’t feel like a movie tonight so I excused myself, went to our room, took another shower because I was feeling a bit ‘clammy’ and went to bed.  

Evangeline didn’t look too well tonight.  Maybe she’s coming down with something.  She went to bed early.  I will check on her.  I go to the bedroom and she’s already asleep.  Tomorrow I will insist that she go to the doctor to make sure that she’s not coming down with some illness.  I don’t want to take any chances with her health.

She wakes up the next morning and I find her in the bathroom leaning over the toilet vomiting last night’s dinner.  

“Evangeline what is the matter?”

Of course she couldn’t respond because she was too busy throwing up.  I got a washcloth and some mouthwash and waited for her to finish.  She did finish a few minutes later and I helped stand and go to the sink.  She rinsed her mouth with the mouthwash, brushed her teeth and then washed her face with the washcloth.

“Thanks John I don’t know what’s happening.  I came in here to go to the bathroom and then my stomach just erupted. Thanks for the mouthwash.  I think that I will take a shower and get ready for work.  Hopefully I will feel better soon.”

“Evangeline I think that you should go to the doctor to make sure that you’re not coming down with something.  I will take you if you want me to go with you.”

“I think that I will do that but I can go by myself John you have to go to work.”

“No I need to go with you to the doctor so that I can hear firsthand what is wrong with you. You might not tell me everything if there is something wrong.”

“What do you mean, do you think that I would lie to you?”

“No, I didn’t say that you would lie to me.  I said that you might not tell me ‘everything’.  So get dressed, call the doctor, get an appointment for this morning and let’s go.  What do you want for breakfast?”

“John I don’t think that I want anything for breakfast.  I do agree with you that I will call the doctor and I would like for you to go with me. Okay.”

“Okay, let’s get dressed.”

We both dressed and Evangeline called the doctor and got an appointment in an hour.  We made it there in great time and were shown into the exam room.  They allowed me in and I appreciated that. Upon listening to Evangeline’s symptoms they had her to give urine and blood specimens.  She dressed and we waited for the doctor to return to the exam room.  

“Evangeline we have the results of the tests.  Do you want me to tell you now what they show?”

“Yes I would and I would like my husband to hear them at the same time.”

“Evangeline, you are pregnant.”

“Excuse me doctor, did I hear you correctly?  I’m pregnant, but how can that be?  We take precautions every time.”

“Evangeline, other than abstinence, no precaution is 100% effective at preventing pregnancies. You have options about the pregnancy.”

“No, no, no doctor that’s not what I meant.  I will continue this pregnancy that is the only option.  I just can’t figure how it happened.”

“Well your parents did tell you about the ‘birds and the bees’ right?” the doctor said smiling.

“Yes they did. Okay I know how it happened but now how it happened when taking precautions.  But you know what it doesn’t matter.  I’m pregnant!  That’s great news!!  I am overjoyed that the love that I share with this fabulous man over here will now have a physical manifestation in this child that we created out of that love.  Did you hear that John, we’re pregnant?  John? John?  Doctor I think he’s in shock!”

“Evangeline I’m fine, I’m more than fine, I’m deliriously happy! We’re having a baby. Life can’t get any better than this.”

John stood from the chair where he sat next to the exam table and pulled Evangeline into his arms and hugged her tight all the time kissing her head and thanking God for this blessing.

The doctor then interrupted this love fest and asked if they wanted to see the baby on an ultrasound.  Of course they did.  She prepped Evangeline and the technician set up the equipment and they saw their baby.  Evangeline is 9 weeks pregnant and everything looks fine with the baby. She explained to Evangeline that the morning sickness is normal and will probably stop when she is 14 weeks pregnant.  John and Evangeline asked their questions, the doctor answered them and gave them some literature to read.

They left the doctor’s office and returned home.  They were so happy.  Neither realized how much they wanted this.  They didn’t care about the timing or how it happened even though they took precautions and then it hit them both at the same time. 

“The Fast and the Furious 5 movie night, we didn’t take any precautions!  That was it!  I will forever love that movie!”

They made it to their room took a shower and took a nap.  Then had both taken off the day from work because they didn’t know what the doctor would say so now they had time to talk about things they needed to do but for now they slept cuddled into each other. They can talk later.

Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Life After the Storm a JOVAN story

Chapter 12     Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Four weeks later and we still have not told our family that I am pregnant.  I wanted to wait until after the first trimester or twelve weeks before letting anyone else know. John was bursting at the seams wanting to yell it from the rooftops but he went along with my wishes.  The morning sickness finally stopped this week and I was so grateful for the relief.  If any foods or smells even gave me a hint of making me sick I would eliminate it and unfortunately that included John’s aftershave. He gave it up without any hesitation and I thanked him in such a nice way.  After that ‘thank you’ he asked if there was anything else I wanted him to give up.  I told him ‘no’ and suggested that he not take this thankful mood as happening all of the time.

The weekend was coming up and we were both looking forward to a little down time.  As always we were busy at work and because we were so good at our jobs we were in heavy demand.  For me I was asked repeatedly to consult on court cases and for John he was asked to review other cases for and with other agents.  

Since we found out about the pregnancy I took to playing my classical music more often so that the babies could gain an appreciation of it and to read to them as often as possible.  John had his own routine.  Each night, when we’re in bed, he will put his head on a pillow next to my belly and read to the baby.  Some short stories and some long, some nursery stories, and others that he makes up on the spur of the moment but he will talk or read to them for at least a half and hour.  One night I fell asleep while he was reading to ‘my belly’ and later woke to go the bathroom and John was where I left him but he was asleep.  It was so cute.

Finally John couldn’t take it anymore and insisted that we call our mothers and tell them about the pregnancy. I caved in and at 14 weeks of the pregnancy we call our mothers.  I wanted to put them on a conference call so that they would here it at the same time and one wouldn’t feel slighted because we told one before we told the other, so we did.  I set up the Skype video for a conference call video session and called our mothers.

“Hi Mom, Hi Mrs. Williamson, we have some news for you two.”

“You’re pregnant!” they said at the exact same time.

“Yes we are! How did you know?”

“John you are so unobservant and you used to be a detective.  Look at Evangeline, she’s practically out of her seat with excitement and her eyes are sparkling and she is glowing like a neon light.”

John turned and looked at Evangeline he saw all that his mother described.  How he not seen this? She was always beautiful to him but now looking at her he saw just how exquisite she is.  

“I see what you mean Mom, thanks for bringing it to my attention.  So what do you think of our news?”

“Lisa, please forgive my son he can be a little slow sometimes.  I think that he fell on his head too many times when he was little.  What do we think of the news he asks as if he has to ask?  This is fantastic!

“Evangeline baby you’re not saying anything.  Are you all right?”

“Yes Mom I’m all right I guess that it just hit me that this is all real.  Before we told you it was just John and I in this little world of our baby and ours.  But now that we’ve told you two it now seems so more real if that makes sense.”

“Yes it makes sense Evangeline.  Just the thought of having a baby can be overwhelming but don’t worry Eve and I will help you with this.  We may be older but we can remember some things about being pregnant. It’s an individual experience but some things are common place.”

“That’s right Lisa.  Evangeline you can call me anytime.”

“What about me whom can I call?

“John you can call me too son.  I’m your mother and I will help you through this.  I can tell you what your Dad did when I was pregnant with you and Michael.  That will give you a good laugh if nothing else.”

“Thanks Mom I appreciate that.”

“Evangeline, maybe you and I and Eve can go shopping for baby furniture and clothes. Eve we can make a weekend of it. What do you say?”

“Give me a few more weeks Mom and that way Eve can check her schedule but I would love for you two to come and help me.”

“That sounds like a great idea Lisa.  Let me check my schedule and you and I can talk and then you can finalize things with Evangeline.  John I hope that you don’t feel left out of all of this, you can join us for the shopping too if you want.”

“No Mom, that’s all right.  I don’t need to go shopping with you three.  Evangeline and I will go looking for nursery furniture together though. I would like to be part of that shopping.”

“Oh John that is so sweet.  There is hope for you yet son-in-law.”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence, mother-in-law.”

“All right you two I think that it’s time to end this video session.  Mom and Mom we will talk with you again soon.  Thanks for everything.  We love you. Goodbye.”

I ended the video session and went and sat on John’s lap.  I put my head on this neck and he held me.

“Are you okay? Was that too much for you, telling our mothers?”

“No, just the opposite.  It was like I said this now seems so real.  Before when just the two of us knew it was like a dream but now it feels real and I am so happy that it’s not a dream because I want us to have this baby and be a family.”

“Me too, me too.  Do you want to call anyone else tonight?”

“Yes I do. I want to tell everyone I know. I want to shout it from the rooftops!”

“That was my idea all along but we won’t do that.  How about I call my brother Michael and you call your sister Layla and your friends Nora and Todd.”

“You have friends too.  Won’t you call Bo or Antonio?”

“Are you all right with me telling them?  You know once we tell them all of Llanview will know.”

“I don’t care. This is wonderful news and I don’t care who knows.”

Okay let’s do it.”

We both made our calls and the responses were the same from each person,

‘CONGRATULATIONS!!!!’

After we finished the calls we showered and went through our nightly routine and went to bed.

---------------------------------------------   

Two months later Evangeline and I are at home sitting on the sofa relaxing.  She has started to show yet and has a little pudgy belly.   I would never tell her that I described her like that but she does.  She’s sitting reading a book and I decide to lay my head on her lap.  She then uses my head to prop her book.  I turn toward her belly so her book doesn’t poke my eye and felt something move on her belly.  I put my hand where I felt the movement and I felt something move under my hand.

“Evangeline did you feel that?”

“Yes I did but that was a strong movement.  I’ve felt movement before but not as pronounced as that.”

“What does it feel like?”

“I can’t describe it but when I put my hand on it and it moves it’s just marvelous!”

I lift up her blouse and look at her belly.  I can clearly see something move under her skin. I am mesmerized.  I put my hand on it again and it seemed to push against my hand.  I have found a new hobby.  

I look down at John and he looks so cute playing with my belly. The baby moves against John’s hand almost as if trying to reach out to this father.  He/she doesn’t have to reach out to me because I’m here all of the time but watching John touching my belly and in effect touching our child just fills me with so much love for him and this baby.  But even with all of that love it is getting a bit tiring because now John continues to press my belly trying to get a reaction from the baby.

“John that’s enough.  After a while it is not such fun any more.  Let’s do this again some other time.  Let me finish my book. I want to take a nap.”

“Okay Evangeline I don’t want to tire you out and just tell me if anything I do is uncomfortable.  I’m on the outside looking in and I don’t know what hurts you and what doesn’t.  Just tell me.  You won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I will do that John.  It’s doesn’t hurt but it can feel a bit uncomfortable.  He/she will only get bigger and we have more months to enjoy their movements. We don’t have to do it all in one day.”

“Understood. I will go and cook dinner while you sit here and finish your book.  You can eat after your nap.”

“Thank you I will.”

Now in my eighth month I feel huge.  I now waddle wherever I go.  I can’t wear my 3-inch heels anymore and my appetite is out of whack. But with all that I am still one of the best-dressed women in the office and my work productivity has not decreased.  The baby is fine and I’m due in a month.  My mother and mother-in-law and I did go shopping together and they both attended the baby shower given by my office mates and local friends.  We racked up with baby stuff and tons of gift cards.  Layla and Nora even came to town for the baby shower.  Todd not to be outdone opened up a bank account for ‘baby McBain’ to use for whatever.

John has had many an opportunity to play with my belly these last few months and he has been a ‘happy camper’.  I feel so blessed and am looking forward to the arrival of my little one.  Neither of us wanted to know the sex of the child.  We wanted to have that surprise for ourselves.

Un-betaed

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Life After the Storm a JOVAN story

Chapter 13     The Arrival

Evangeline needs my help to get out the bed so I stand in front of her and she rolls over towards me, puts her feet on the floor and I help her to stand.  I see her clothes laid out on the chaise so I help her to dress.  This is her last week at work.  She decided to take maternity leave a week before her due date because she wanted to make certain that she had everything ready for the baby and there was just not enough time in the day to do it and work plus she just didn’t feel like doing the back and forth to work routine just now. She had all of her work up to date so as to not burden anyone at work.  Her clients knew that she was taking off the time and assured her that they would not need her services before her return date.  I am so proud of her.  She has worked so hard these last few months to prove that she is still a hotshot attorney, even pregnant.  She doesn’t want anyone to think that she’s gone soft just because she’s pregnant.  That’s my girl.   Oh wait, she’s talking to me and I’m talking to myself.

“John, did you hear me?  I’m working late tonight on a case with my team.  I want to finish this case before I leave.  All hands are on deck for this one.  If I finish it then my calendar is clear until I return from maternity leave.  You’ll need to fend for yourself tonight.”

“That’s fine Evangeline I can handle it.  You do what you need to do.  I would rather that you finish up so that you don’t worry about it the entire time that you’re on maternity leave.”

“All right let’s get breakfast so that I can leave.  The car service should arrive in the next half hour.  I’m so glad that the office arranged that for me.  As big as I am I can’t fit behind the steering wheel of my own car and plus that saves me from having to put up with fussing at traffic.  My back has been hurting me for a few days so I have no patience with anyone anymore.”

“You didn’t tell me that your back was hurting you.  I could have given you a rubdown.”

“It’s probably nothing just a dull ache.  I’ll ask the doctor about it on Thursday.”

“Okay if you say so.  About the car service, yes that was very thoughtful of the office to do that for you.  I’m sure that they don’t do that for all of the staff there do they?”

“No John they don’t but I think that I deserve the perk.  Since I arrived I have drawn a lot of really high profile clients. They heard about my work on Todd’s case, even though I lost the case but still pushed for my client.  That’s the kind of attorney that they want representing them and plus the work that I did for Christian Vega.  I have a good reputation and it has paid off for me.  And then to think that my work with the battered women’s shelter got me this job in the first place just goes to show if you do good work people will notice.”

“Yes you do deserve it, now come on so that you can eat before the car arrives.”

We both go downstairs and eat breakfast and just as we clean the dishes the car arrives and Evangeline leaves.  I have a few minutes before I have to head out to work so I go back upstairs to take a peek at the nursery.  Since we don’t want to know the sex of the baby we decorated it in neutral colors.  It looks nice.  Evangeline and I picked out the furniture and we did a good job if I say so myself.  In the room we have the crib, the changing table, the rocker with a small table and lamp next to it, a bookcase already loaded with books, a diaper disposal bin and a dresser already filled with clothes.  The closet is full of clothes but still has room for more clothes as the baby grows.  I stand there and smile thinking about all the love that went into preparing this room and all the love that we will share with our baby in this room.  

It’s now time for me to leave so I head out and make my way to the garage and to my car.  I already have my car packed with our bags for the hospital and the car seat. I have an SUV and it is roomier than Evangeline’s Mercedes so we decided to us my car for the transport to and from the hospital.  I packed the car early because I don’t want to forget anything but still Evangeline has added and removed things from the bag since I packed it but I don’t care.  As long as she is satisfied then I am satisfied.

I too am trying to tie things up at the office so that I can go on paternity leave and not leave my coworkers in the lurch.  We have not investigated any new cases, just trying to finish up the ones we have started.  I ‘m glad that I haven’t had to go out of town.  My coworkers have handled that for me.  They volunteered to do that so I don’t feel so bad about it. We have a good team and I am fortunate. 

Today is Tuesday and Thursday is Evangeline’s last doctor’s appointment before her due day.  She is due on next Friday.  She and the baby are progressing well and the doctor doesn’t foresee any complications.  I am getting a bit anxious but I don’t want Evangeline to see that.  I just want everything to be over.  I want her to have the baby and she and the baby are fine, that’s what I want.  

My mother and Evangeline’s mother are coming in on next Wednesday. They will stay with us for one month.  They want to help us and they know that we know nothing about babies.  Evangeline and I are really appreciative.  They said that they would do the cooking, cleaning and laundry and help with night feedings so that we are not overwhelmed. That will be a big help because I can get overwhelmed just thinking about all that is involved in taking care of a baby.  I have read the books that Evangeline has and there is a lot to do but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  We are having a baby!

Wednesday comes and Evangeline has to work late again tonight.  She said again that her back was still hurting but she will see the doctor tomorrow so she said that she would not worry about it.  She did say that she and her team did make great progress yesterday and she thinks that they will finish up tonight.  I decided to work late too since Evangeline wouldn’t be at home. It’s mighty lonely there when she’s not there.  My team and I manage to complete some files and start work on others.  We conducted several phone interviews and made some headway on some items that we thought were dead ends.  All in all it was a very productive day.

Thursday is finally here and we’re on our way to the doctor’s office. Evangeline still says that her back hurts and really wants to ask the doctor about that.  We make it to the doctor’s office and go into the exam room.  Evangeline disrobes and we wait for the doctor to enter.  A few minutes later the doctor comes in,

“Well Evangeline and John how are you doing today?”

“My back has been hurting for the last few days.  It’s not a sharp pain or anything but a discomfort.  I knew that I would see you today so I waited until now to ask you about it.”

“Okay Evangeline, let me take a look at your back.  There is some tightness there.  All right lie down and let me check you.”

Evangeline reclined and put her legs in the stirrups and the doctor’s examined her.  The doctor stopped and looked up at us and said,

“Evangeline you are in labor.  You are 6 centimeters dilated.  We need to get you admitted to the hospital.  It’s a good thing that my office is in the hospital.”

“I’m what, how can I be in labor?  I haven’t felt any labor pains?”

“Those backaches were signs of labor.  Don’t worry you’re in the right place now.  We will get you admitted and move you to labor and delivery. Are you ready to meet your baby?

“Yes we are and I can speak for both of us.  John promised that he wouldn’t faint on me because I need him to keep me calm.”

“Evangeline I will not faint, thank you.”

The nurses come in and move Evangeline to the labor and delivery section of the hospital.  I carry a bag with her clothing and purse.  They hook her up to a fetal monitor and start and IV.  I surprise my self in that I am not anxious anymore.  I have to be strong for Evangeline.  I don’t want her to be afraid.  She looks at me and I can see the frown on her forehead but she smiles at me to assure me that she’s fine.  This woman is something else I tell you.  I move to stand next to her at the head of the bed.  I bend down to kiss her temple and whisper to her,

“You are amazing and I love you so much Evangeline.  I am here for you. We are in this together.”

“I needed that John, thank you.”

We can hear the baby’s strong heartbeat and are encouraged. The doctor assures us that everything is progressing well.  

An hour later the doctor returns to check Evangeline’s progress and she has fully dilated.  I know that means that it’s time for the baby to come.  The doctor instructs the nurse to get me ready with the gown, booties and cap and the doctor put on her own gown and gloves and mask and sat at the foot of the bed.  

By that time Evangeline is in pain and panting.  She didn’t want to take any medications because she didn’t want to introduce any medications into the baby.  I held her hand and she’s breathing hard. The doctor tells her that with the next contraction that Evangeline can push.  The next contraction comes and Evangeline pushes and pushes.  From the mirror behind the doctor I could see the baby’s head.  I told Evangeline to look up so that she could see it too.  She does and smiles but keeps pushing.  

So with each contraction Evangeline pushes until the doctor told her to stop pushing so that she can get the baby’s shoulders out. Evangeline relaxes for a moment and waits for the doctor to tell her again to push.  With the baby’s shoulders out another contraction hits and the doctor tells Evangeline to push again and she does until the baby is totally out.  “It’s a boy!” says the doctor.  The doctor suctions the baby’s nose and mouth and the baby cries.  I cut the umbilical cord and the doctor hands the baby to the nurse to take him to clean him up.

The doctor turned back to Evangeline to deliver the afterbirth when she gasps,

“What’s wrong Doctor,” I ask concerned that something is wrong.

“There’s another baby coming out,” she replies.

I look at the mirror and sure enough I can see another head. Evangeline looks at me but doesn’t have time to say anything because another contraction hits her hard. She bears down and pushes again and again going through the same routine as before and out comes the second baby, this time it is a girl.

“Why didn’t we know that she was there,” we both ask the doctor.

“Sometimes it happens.  Her brother was hiding her it seems.  She is all right though.  Both of them are fine.  They both have a healthy weight and with an APGAR of 9 we have no worries about them but we will keep them under observation nonetheless.  Now don’t you want to hold your little ones now that they are all cleaned up?"

“Yes we do. Thank you doctor and thank you nurses!”

The nurses lay the babies on Evangeline’s chest and I bend down to kiss each of them and to kiss their beautiful mother.  With a hand on each of the babies and my forehead to Evangeline’s forehead I say a prayer of thanks for our blessings.  I kiss Evangeline and thank her for making me a father and she thanks me for making her a mother.  Then we look at each other and say at the same time, “We didn’t call our mothers!”  

They move Evangeline to a room and take the babies to the nursery. When we arrive at the room we finally call our mothers.  They are excited and say that they will not wait until next Wednesday but will come this Saturday.  They will probably discharge Evangeline on Saturday so the mothers will be there to help.  While we have the time Evangeline and I bask in the glow of a successful delivery and two healthy babies.

“Well John since we didn’t know if we would have a boy or girl we had names ready for either so do we still want to use those names.”

“I think that we should.  You do remember how long it took us to agree on those two don’t you?"

“Yes I do. So you say the boy’s name and I will say the girl’s name.”

“No, we will wait for the babies and we together will say the names to them.  How about that?”

“I like that idea John.  You are so smart. You will be a great father.”

“You will be a great mother and we will be great parents because we had great parents.”

The nurses come in push the babies in the portable cradles.  We thank them and they leave.  I made sure to wash my hands before I pick them up and give them to Evangeline.  I sit on bed next to Evangeline and hand both babies to her.  They are still asleep.  We look at each and then look at our firstborn and say to him,

 “Hello Alexander McBain.”  We both kiss his forehead and then we turn to his sister and say to her

“Hello Chloe McBain.”  We both kiss her forehead too.

I never thought that I could feel this happy or this content but I do.  I have Evangeline as my wife and now we have two beautiful children.  This is my life.

I look at John and think, how did I get here?  I survived the storms that came my way and now I am on the other side of those storms.  I am happy and complete.  This if my LIFE AFTER THE STORM and I couldn’t ask for anything better.

The END