Chapter 4: Dreams

Another fifteen minutes drifted by before they came to a fork in the road. Sam took the one on the right. A few hundred meters down, he made another right turn onto a dirt track road. Sam cut his speed and the sound of gravel could be heard crunching under the wheels. Trees lined both sides of the long narrow dirt track, blocking out most of the harsh sun rays. A cool, sweet, gentle breeze moved in. Tara sighed, "It's so quiet and peaceful." Sam detected a change in her demeanor. Her face and body took on a more relaxed appearance.

"This is one of my favorite places I like to visit" Sam replied.

Up ahead in the clearing and a large oak tree stood in the center. The tree looked well over a hundred years old. Its limbs were expanse and the leaves thick. There were other trees in the distance, but, this one stood out the most with its gnarly arms outstretched as if it were welcoming all who entered its world. Everywhere else grass and wild flowers grew. Sam parked about ten feet away from the tree and hopped out of the truck with a blanket rolled up tightly under his arm. Spreading the thick fabric near the base of the tree, he called at Tara who was distracted by the beauty of the place. As she gingerly got out of the truck he yelled, "Tara, bring the food".

"Right." Tara grabbed both bags and carried them over to the nice shaded spot Sam had selected.

"Sam, this place is amazing."

"You like it?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful."

"I knew you'd like it. Here, sit, relax. Let's eat!" Sam popped the plastic lid off the take-out container to release the aroma of warm Jerk Chicken atop a healthy serving of rice and peas and salad, handed it and a plastic fork to Tara.

By this Sam had already removed the other items from the bags and placed them in the middle of the blanket. He dished out candied plantain for them both. "After this, I want you to try Aunt Vie's cassava cake, it's damn good" he added while his eyes danced.

Tara lying on her back patted her stomach and said, "You were right about Mrs. Thompson's cassava cake. Man, it was delicious. In fact, everything tasted great. Thanks Sam. I enjoyed our picnic." Tara closed her eyes and hummed to herself with a smile upon her face. Sam studied every curve and slope of her face. He wanted to touch. He wanted to explore.

"Hey, let's go for a walk. It's not good to lie down right after eating" Sam said as he got to his feet.

"OK." Tara replied and with Sam's help, she stood up.

Sam gathered up and stacked the empty containers into one of the bags and put it in the back of the truck. He then shook the blanket free of stray food and neatly rolled it up and returned it to the back of his seat.

Holding hands, they took a stroll amongst shaded trees. They chattered away about this and that before coming to a stop in front of a pear tree laden with so much fruit its branches hung low. There were other fruit trees nearby. Cherry, apple and peach.

"Sheeat. If this place was up for sale and I had the money, I'd buy it, period" Tara announced with certainty.

"You would, why?" Sam's curiosity peaked.

"Ain't it obvious, this place rocks!" Tara threw open her arms and presented him the scenery.

"And what would you do with fifty acres of land?"

"Fifty! Wow. How'd you know that?" Tara's eyes rounded.

"Uh, pffsst..the ads." Sam voice climbed and he threw a pebble.

"Well, first of all, I would build a three maybe four-thousand square foot house right over there. Next to it a big green-house filled exotic tropical plants and maybe birds too."

"Four-thousand square foot huh. Why so big?" Sam pressed.

"Ah..and oh..a barn with goats, chickens and ponies." Tara wanted to say something else but evaded his question.

"Is that all?" Sam teased.

"Heck, I'm just getting warmed up." Tara winked.

Sam hugged Tara from behind and said in a soft but deep voice with his lips lightly brushing her ear, "I like that dream".

Tara rested the back of her head against him, closed her eyes and rubbed his strong arms that were wrapped around her waist. She loved being close to his warm body and feel the rhythmic heartbeat thumping deep in his chest. She wanted so much to tell him that he's a part of that dream but couldn't.

When it came to matters of the heart, Tara struggled to express her feelings. All her adult life she put up a shield for fear of letting anybody in. She felt as though she didn't deserve happiness. And here was Sam, the only man she's ever known to be able to reach in and still her raging heart. She hugged him right back. She felt that whatever they'd started in his trailer in the morning needed to put be to rest.

"Sam, I'm sorry about leaving you last night. You and me last night was as usual awesome but for some strange reason, all I could think about was mama being all alone at home. I felt guilty for moving out on her and leaving her alone to fight her demons and Mrs. Stackhouse's death and her funeral yesterday didn't help none. I figured it's better to have a broke ass alcoholic mom than no mom at all. That's why I ran off to be with her. I hope you'll forgive me" Tara's voice strained.

"Tara, shh, it is OK" Sam stroked her hair.

"I love my mama so much and at the same time I hate her with all my guts for beating me all those years and making me feel worthless. I cannot continue like this." Tara tore away from his embrace. She felt doubt sneaking back in. She didn't know where it came from but she suddenly felt as though she was drowning and needed air.

"Sam, you're a good man and good men don't deserve to be with fucked people like me" Tara continued, tears rolling down her face.

"No Tara, that is not true! How can you say that? I feel miserable when you're not around. I love talking with you, holding you, going on picnics with you, sharing dreams with you. I have my own demons too, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be with you." Sam sounded anguished.

"You want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"With all my faults and fucked up shit?"

"Yes."

Tara stood quietly with her arms folded under her breasts and staring at her feet. The silence was deafening. Sam's heart was beating so fast and so hard that he could feel the blood pounding against his ear drums. He was beginning to feel like he was losing her to her fears. Why won't she say something!