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Author's Chapter Notes:

This chapter is dedicated to my father. 

 

 




Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Cancer. That word should have crushed her. Would have crushed any other loyal faithful daughter. Instead, she’d pushed it to the back of her mind for the time being. 

When all was said and done, she had face planted herself into their bed, shoes hastily ripped off. Then and only then did she allow it to resurface. Your mother has cancer. God forgive the first thought that hit her mind: She deserved it. All of the pain and suffering she’d dealt with as a child was manifesting itself in her mother’s body… finally after so long.

God help her, she knew it wasn’t right to think like that… but then again… she didn’t have no holla for a woman who chose to abandon her…who chose to give her up like she was nothing. Why should she feel sympathy? You have to go to New York. You have to see her. As much as her mind told her so, she felt the stubborn sting of rebellion rise in her chest. 

“Baby?” Turning, she locked eyes with Roto who had gladly switched out his suit for some sweatpants.

“Yeah?” 

“How…are you feeling?” Sitting up, she sighed. 

“I don’t even know right now to be honest…” He came to sit next to her on the bed, reaching for her hand. 

“We’ve had an evening… that’s for sure.” 

“Yeah…to be honest…I don’t wanna think about it.” She pushed off of the bed and came to stand in front of the mirror. 

“I don’t wanna ruin our night. This is about you and me tonight…”  Getting up, he came to stand behind her, gently caressing her shoulders. He didn’t say anything as he began to unzip the back of her dress. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch.

“Roto…” His lips kissed her neck, drawing her breath.

“I had so much planned for tonight,” His fingers drifted across her back, now bare. 

“But I’ll be patient.” Biting her lip she inhaled, body screaming for him. She turned around, lifting her hands to gently push the hair back from his face. The rest of her dress fell in a pool around her feet. 

“Baby…” He gently took hold of her cheeks before pressing a kiss to one. He looked up at her, gaze intense. 

“This is the final thing we have to face before we can go forward.” He slowly lifted up, pulling her into his arms. Heading to the bed, he lowered her gently. He kissed her deeply, possessing her breath for a sweet moment.  Pulling away, he soon left her alone, laying on the bed, fingers tight on the sheets. After a while, she slipped into some shorts and a tank top. Mind clearer, she went into the bathroom and for the longest, she just stared. One last hitch in the road to tackle.

*** 

When the morning came, they found themselves packing a suitcase and getting ready for their flight, set to depart in a few hours. 

“Ready babe?” He asked, coming into the bedroom. She put her hair up in a high puff and nodded, smiling up at him. 

“Ready Freddy.” He pecked her on the lips and like that, they were headed to New York, Brooklyn in their sights.

***

It had taken 14 hours but they’d made it. They’d gotten into a company car and the whole ride was quiet. They were beyond exhausted. She looked out of the window, the warm air rustling her curls out of her face. She could feel Roto’s hand slide across her thigh and give a reassuring squeeze.

***

The next day after some rest, they’d headed to the hospice, having been woken up early in the morning by the front desk assistant. Everything was moving too fast for her already and she wanted it to slow down. It seemed to grab hold of her and force her until she found herself inside of a chilled quiet place. The space where the woman who’d abandoned her was currently dying. 

Doors upon doors surrounded her and yet only one mattered. Room 315. White. Plain. Behind this door laid her mother.

“You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.” Warm almond brown orbs stared into her, compassion and understanding within. Hiroto. Her gaze grew teary. Swallowing tightly, she pressed her face into his chest, welcoming his warmth as he surrounded her with his strong arms. 

“I feel like a horrible person…cause I don’t want to see her.” He kissed the top of her head.

“I know baby. But you’re not.” To their surprise, the door opened without warning and a man stepped out and froze, looking dead at her. Roto grew stiff and his grip on her tightened ever so slightly.  The man blinked and looked at her far longer than she liked. 

“Are you relatives?” The man asked, glancing up at Hiroto. 

“No. We’re just passing through.” She quipped up, gripping his hand. 

“Oh.”

“Come on.” She pulled him along quickly until they were around the corner. 

“Rae…”

“I’m not ready… I’m not ready…” He didn’t speak as he let his fingers caress her back as they made their way to the exit. 

***

All of this was so discombobulating. Lifting a cigarette to his mouth, he sighed, blowing smoke up into the night air. He stared into the black sky, no stars or anything adorned the obsidian clouds.

“Roto?” He heard the balcony door open and he froze, turning to see Rae in one of his t-shirts. 

“Damn.” Flicking it over the balcony, he cleared his throat as she stepped out, coming beside him. 

“I know you don’t like being around me when I smoke baby. I’m sorry.” She sighed, waving her hand in dismissal. 

“I ain’t carin bout that right now babe. Really.” He relaxed some.

“Did you just come from the shower?”

“Yeah.” She answered, gaze distant. He pushed himself off of the railing and came to wrap his arm around her, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Wanna talk about today?” 

“We can…” Smiling against her, he pulled her into the hotel room. 

“Lemme get the day and this smoke off of me okay? Stay put.” He whispered against her, leading her to the couch. 

“‘kay babe.” He lifted his shirt and pulled it off, heading towards the bathroom. Few minutes later, he came back into the living room, towel drying his hair.  Sitting down next to her, he sighed in relief.

“Okay babe. I’m all ears.”

“Well… um…I don’t know where to start per se. It’s all happening at once.” 

“Yeah. It’s not enough time for you to process what’s happening.” 

“That’s what’s messing me up Roto. Like.. everything was so good and then… then this.”

“Mm.” He came to take her hand, slowly pulling her closer. 

“I think we should end this night right.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm. I think we need to spend time in God’s Word. Hm?”

“Sure, I’d love that…maybe it’ll help me sort through my nerves and my emotions.”  Slipping an arm around her, he gently led her to their bed and went to grab their bibles. 

***

Her heart beat against her chest and she swore she could hear herself swallow. Her palms began to sweat and fingers trembled. Here she was again, standing in front of that damned white door, plain and unmarked. Nothing to show the life that dwelled behind it. Voices merged up and down the halls, silently delicate. Inside, she was furious. It’s like they were trying to force her to be here, be around her and it was more than pissing her off. She wanted to be anywhere but here. Everyone kept talking to her like she was unable to comprehend what was going on. But she was more than aware. The woman inside the room was dying. Yet, they wanted her to pity her. 

Mustering up a breath, she lifted shaky fingers to the knob. You already here so you might as well. Get it over with. Turning the knob, she opened the door quietly. The faint beep of a medical machine grew more and more intense as she silently stepped into the room. No one else was here but there was a faint smell of perfume. Someone had just left.

Coming down the narrow little hall, she pressed her back against the wall nearest to the opening of the room and clutched her fingers together. It’s too late to go back now. Clenching her jaw, she slowly peeked around the corner and laid eyes on a woman. Eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar. She froze. The woman was frail, literally nothing more than bones and skin. Her hands fell over the edge of the bed, nails brittle and bare. Before she could stop herself, she grew closer, inch by inch, eyes stuck on her face. What once was a full and lively countenance was now emaciated. Brown skin covered bone but even that was grey. When she couldn’t stand to look at her any longer, she eyed the room. Child-like pictures adorned the walls, pictures sat on a nearby bedside table. But, one caught her attention. 

It was framed and kept nearest her. Something she recognized. Her handiwork. It was a drawing of a stick figure woman and a stick figure girl. They held hands, faces shaded in with brown colored pencil. Big happy smiles completed their look. One simple sentence written below. This is me Ebere and this is my mommy. Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt a cry form in her throat. Turning, she looked at the woman for the longest time, anger spreading through her chest. Without another moment to spare, she went as quietly as she came, leaving the woman to sleep. Too many emotions felt to process. 

***

It is unfair. So terribly unfair. Why now is it that I must sympathize? Why is it now that I must put aside how I feel in the name of illness? No, I deserve to be allowed to be human and I deserve to feel nothing but rage. I am the victim. And she simply got what she deserved. 

***

“How is she Hiroto?” Stepping out into the cool morning air, he sighed into the phone. 

“She’s doing the best she can Father. Her birth mother abandoned her when she was a child. It’s something she’s never healed with.” Shou was quiet on the phone for a moment. 

“Poor child.” Is all he could say. 

“I’ve been trying to be there for her but sometimes, she pulls away.”

“That’s normal I think. Leave her alone to sort out her thoughts and be there for her when she needs you.” 

“Mm.”  He knew all too familiar the look that rested beneath her beautiful brown eyes. He knew it very well. This process was making her uncomfortable in the worst of ways and it was one that she’d tried to push to the back of her mind, to forget. But he knew better than anyone else that it always resurfaced. Her emotions were raw and open and she had spent most of their trip crying. 

He wished he could take the pain away… the unhealed scars, all of it. Inhaling deeply, he let the changing skyline direct his way for a moment before he heard his father speak to him.

“People are fragile. They break but they can also bend. Their lives are not promised forever so they must make the best of it.”

“Mm.”

“If I remember correctly you did tell me you two had a conversation about children yes?” Turning, he viewed the subject of their discussion. She was currently putting her hair up into a large puff. 

“Mm.”

“More fragile than people are parents themselves. We are not promised to our children forever. We only are allotted one mother and one father Hiroto. It’s of upmost importance to value and cherish what we do have when we have them.”  He was right. 

“I have no doubt that Rae will reach the place where she determines just what kind of mother she will choose to be. Regardless of how her mother has been in the past. She has the choice to decide how she wants to carry on not just our legacy but her own as well.” 

“Everything you are saying makes so much sense….truly.” He said with a small smile, running fingers through his hair. As Shou had grown older, he had become like a treasure chest of wisdom and life experience. Even though their past had been full of pain, he had become one of his most trusted confidants. 

“I want nothing but happiness for you Son.”

“Mm.”

“Allow the spirits to guide you and give my beautiful daughter in law a kiss for me. Tell her that she is strong enough to overcome this too.” 

“I will.” Hanging up, he turned around and made his way towards her. 

***

“You should write an autobiography.” Turning, she found Roto standing in the doorway, hands in pockets, observing her. She’d been sitting down journaling. 

“You think so?”

“Mm.”

“You think my story would be worth reading? Title would be ‘Daughter Won’t Forgive Cancer-Ridden Mother’. Sure that’d be a bestseller.” 

“Hey now…”  He came into the room and leaned down to press a kiss to her neck. 

“Remember what I told you about being gentle with yourself.”

“Yeah but I can’t be. I feel horrible Hiroto. I am so angry but yet I know she’s at the end of her life…it’s like I feel heartless and justified all at the same time.” He softly caressed her shoulders. 

“I felt the same way… when my mother first began to grow ill.” She looked at him, eyes widened a bit. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. A part of me wanted her to die. All of the pain she’d caused me…still tries to cause me is inexcusable.”

“I haven’t asked how she’s doin.”

“She’s doing as best she can. Her organs are failing her.”

“Damn…”  

“To me, it doesn’t much matter. She will live long enough to watch us grow and live the life she never wanted us to have.”  His voice was soft and quiet and she glanced up at him.

“Hiroto,”

“Rae, you and I are on the same journey. Remember that.” She was quiet, taking in the weight of his words. He lifted his hands and caressed her face and warm toasty brown eyes captivated her. 

“You deserve to feel the way you do. Just like it took time to repair you and I…when you are ready, you will forgive your mother.” She bit her lip. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, pressing his face against her hair. 

“We have to forgive them baby. Not because they deserve it but because we are called to do it.” He lifted her chin to make her look at him. 

“One day you’re going to be the mother of my children. They deserve to know that you and I gave it a chance.” Her eyes grew teary but she welcomed the press of his lips against hers. She offered a reply full of unshed tears.

“You’re…you’re right.” She swallowed tightly as he let go of her. Damn him when he made sense.

“I’m going to run you a bath and make something for dinner okay?” He called, heading into the kitchen. 

“O-Okay.” Glancing down at what she’d wrote, she felt her heart twist. 

*** 

Caught up in her own pain, she didn’t stop to think about what her actions could mean for their future. She’d always vowed to never be like her… but what if she passed the same pain down the line? Pulling her fingers together in fists, she let the tears slide down her cheeks. But her eyes filled with a strange determination. She had to face her. Not as the hurting little girl she’d left in the train station but as a woman determined to end the cycle. No matter how much it fucking hurt, she had to.

*** 

Eyes were trying to look anywhere but at him. Because he held sense. He had the sense and all she wanted to do was run. Standing in front of that damned white door again and she was feeling nauseous.  

“Babe…”

“…I don’t want to.”

“Rae, look at me.” Eyes turned to look at a gentle gaze. 

“Don’t run from this.”

“But…”

“No buts.” He caressed her shoulders. 

“Let’s do this together okay? I’m right here with you.” Slipping fingers in between hers to stop the nervous fretting, he gripped them. Lifting her fingers to his mouth, he kissed them. Taking a shaky breath, she nodded. Holding on tight to his hand, she began to open the door.

*** 

 

She was sitting up today, in a chair far off by the window. They’d entered quietly so she hadn’t noticed them. For the longest time, she stood there, gripping Hiroto’s hand until she was sure it was going to come off. Yet, he didn’t complain or wince. He stood straight and close, her support. 

“Ms. Harris?” Slowly, the woman turned and grew still. Eyes wide, she couldn’t find words to say. 

“Do you know who I am?” Her voice sounded bitter. 

“Of course I do. You my baby girl.” 

“No I’m not.” The sunken eyes grew sad. 

“Yes you are! You are my one and only daughter. Ebere Lenae Harris.” She couldn’t speak and the overwhelming urge to cry hit her in waves. She stared at her for the longest, lost for words. This is not the woman who abandoned me. The woman in front of her was unrecognizable and only fragments and pieces were left. The cancer had wiped any and all trace of her mother away, leaving a shell behind. 

“Who this man with you?”

“He’s my husband.” The woman stared at him and some trace of maternal protection wafted across her features. 

“What’s yo name?” His throat grew tight but he licked his lips and forced himself to speak. 

“Hiroto ma’am.” 

“You bein good to my baby girl Hiroto?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. That’s all I can ask for.” She eyed the room to find those pictures still up on the walls. 

“Ms. Harris, I gotta question.”

“Ask it.”

“Why’d you abandon me?”  She once again grew still and for a moment seemed like she was pondering over the question. 

“I did you wrong Lele. I know I did.”

“That’s all you have to say for yourself?” 

“Rae..” At that, she ripped her hand away from his. 

“After everything you did, you can’t say nothin else Ma?”

“If I explained myself would you understand? Would you accept it?”

“Whether I accept it or not is my decision. You abandoned me at that train station and you didn’t give a good damn about me! I deserve to know the reason why!” Her voice had grown loud and heavy with anguished anger. 

“I…” Before she could continue, she began to cough and wheeze. 

“A-Are you okay?” He asked, stepping towards her. 

“I can’t do this with you today baby. I’m too tired. Too tired.” Not satisfied with her answer, she turned on her heel and walked out, leaving them alone. He slowly inched towards her. 

“Ma’am…”

“Go after Lele.” Fist closed, he nodded and soon left her in the wake of another coughing fit. 

*** 

“Rae!” Nothing. 

“Rae, stop!”  Not one flick of the head or sound. She kept going, ignoring him. He quickly caught up to her and took her arm, turning her around.

“Stop it! Just…” She didn’t say anything else because he’d pulled her into a tight hug, his scent invading her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly, chin pressed against the top of her head. She didn’t reply and that bothered him. 

“Rae, talk to me.” 

“What do you want me to say Hiroto?” Her tone of voice was biting.

“Anything.”

I have nothing to say.’” 

“You have to let it out. Don’t keep it in.” She pushed away from him. 

“I don’t want to talk about that evil bitch. I don’t want to even think about her. She left me in a train station and can’t say a damn thing when I confront her about it. She might as well have aborted me. At least I wouldn’t have had to experience this shit.” At that, he grabbed her and shook her, bringing her to halt. 

“Don’t say things like that Rae. Don’t.” Instead of being angry she suddenly fell apart in his arms, her emotions overwhelming her. 

“I told you…I couldn’t… do..do this shit…..” She sobbed against him. People glanced at them as they passed but he didn’t care. His hands shook and his throat was so tight it hurt to swallow. Tears welled up in his eyes but he held them back… barely. Sighing against her weeping form, he spoke quietly.

“It’s okay…let it happen, let it come.”  For the longest time, they stood in the hallway, outside room 315, letting years of pent of pain flow through. 

*** 

“Mama,” Little brown feet stood in shallow water, letting the tide tickle the toes. 

“Yeah?”

“How come you always send me to grandmama?” Her mother was quiet, eyes locked on the rolling waves that were soon to come in. Sighing, she reached down to splash her feet in the water. 

“Lele.” Looking up, she found her mother’s eyes, filled with an emotion she’d never seen before. 

“You don’t like goin to see granma?” She shook her head. 

“No mommy I love granma. I just like bein with you. That’s all.” Offering a weak smile, her mother took her hand. 

“We gon have to go soon baby girl. Gon getcha fun out.” Before she could control herself, she yipped and ran off across the beach, hearing her mother’s soft humored laughter. 

*** 

When she had awakened, she woke up with a resolve. She’d gotten up and showered. Pulling her hair up and away from her face, she got dressed. When she turned around, Roto was awake, sitting up yawning. 

“Headed out?” He asked, sleep still in his voice. 

“Mmhm.”

“Going to see your mom?” 

“Yeah.” Finally, he opened his eyes and slowly crawled to the edge of the bed, pressing his face against her stomach. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Sliding fingers into his hair, she wrapped arms around his neck. 

“Nope. I wanna do this by myself. I gotta do this by myself.” Lifting his face, he searched her eyes and when he didn’t see any uncertainty, he lifted up, pulling her against him. 

“I’m proud of you Rae.” She welcomed a peck on the lips. 

“I’ll be here when you get back.” 

“Mmkay baby.” 

“I love you anata.” 

 

*** 

The tension in the room was so palpable you could cut it with a knife. She sat once again in the chair closest to the window. Her heart monitor beeped and the sunlight seemed to mock them both as it shined brightly into the room. 

“You came back.”

“I had to get my answers. Once I do, I’m leaving.” The bald head that was once covered in full thick coils turned and their eyes met. 

“Sit down Lele.” At the name she’d tried so hard to forget, she grew stiff with anger. That little girl had died, thanks to Peter Lugiano, Anthony Rossi and all the countless random others. Lele was gone. Even so she obliged, sitting as far away from her as possible, she eyed her as she began to cough. 

“I-I owe you some explanations don’t…don’t I?” Her voice sounded tired and weak.

“You sure do.” Her biological mother turned as best as she could so she could face her. 

“Baby, first lemme say this to you…I’m sorry.” That cut her to the quick and she gripped the chair. 

“I am so so sorry…for what I did to you. It wasn’t right and you didn’t deserve it.” Instantaneously, she began to tear up. Those words she’d ached to hear for so fucking long. They dripped in intense regret and sorrow. 

“I had a problem baby. I had a problem and it destroyed me.” 

“What was it?” 

“Heroin.” The weight of her words hit her like a sack of bricks. 

“I didn’t mean to get hooked on it but it happened and I can’t take that back.” 

“What’s that got to do with me?” She interjected, voice hard. Those sunken eyes looked at her, taking her in her entirety. 

“It had everything to do with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When you was a little girl you asked me why I sent you to stay with your grandma. You went there for two reasons. One because I wanted to get high. And two… because…because I felt like a foolish woman for raising you the way I did.”  She had no choice but to keep listening to her as she continued, 

“I tried my hardest baby but I knew I couldn’t provide for you the way I wanted to. So, you went with my mother. It was either that or the city was gon take you from me and I didn’t want that.” The reality of her information was starting to make her head spin. She had been a drugged out single mother with no help and no support. That shook her. It disgusted her. 

“That man you was with that one time in the car. Who was that?” Her mother swallowed and it sounded like it was a struggle. 

“He was yo daddy.” 

“My-My daddy?”

“Yeah. I was beggin him for some money cause I couldn’t feed you.” She remembered only certain bits of the large tall man who seemed to dwarf her mother. She remembered her mother’s head disappearing from the view of the window and the man make a low throaty sound. She was too young to realize what was happening. 

“Did he give it to you? After you slept with him?” 

“Yeah…it was enough for a month.”

“What else he give you Ma?” 

“A month’s worth of heroin. That was my payment and it was enough for me.” She hadn’t ever thought she would speak with her mother about any of this and the raw emotion pouring from the woman was too much. 

“I knew when we went to the train station that I was gon leave you. I hadn’t had any choice baby. They was gon take you from me. Ya grandma had told me I couldn’t bring you around anymore. What was I supposed to do? Give you to foster care?” Sadness hit her in the gut. Like so many women in the Black community, she had fallen prey to the system… she’d become a stereotype… the stereotype. It hurt to see it happen so close to home. 

“I was gon come back for you Lele. I promise I was… after…after I got my fix and got some more money… we was gon get us a place and I was gon try to work and put you in school. By the time I came back to the station you was gone.”

“Yeah I was taken by a perverted mobster who began to pimp me out. That’s how my life started after you forcefully pushed me out of it.” Her eyes grew wide and an intensely painful cry came from her, sending chills all over her body. 

“My baby…. I’m so sorry…. I’m so so sorry…” She began to weep, skeletal hands lifting to cover her face. She stared at her for the longest, tears of her own welling up in her eyes. She didn’t stop them as they fell down her cheeks. Her heart crumbled into pieces and she slowly got up from the chair. 

“I wanted to do right by you baby I swear. I wanted to give you a good life.” She didn’t stop until she stood over her, getting as close as she could tolerate. The smell of death surrounded her and she was beginning to look gray. 

“I’ve wondered for so many years… I thought you didn’t want me.”

“No baby girl… I wanted you more than anything. Even the heroin. I stopped after I couldn’t find you and went to get help. I wanted to find you, I wanted to be a better mother to you Ebere.” She couldn’t stop herself from wrapping arms around her thin fragile frame. 

“Mama…” 

“I never stopped lookin for you. I never gave up.” She began to cry, holding her as tight as she could. In that moment, despite the anger… relief and an overflowing abundance of love flushed her from head to toe and for that moment… she didn’t….couldn’t hate her. 

“D-Don’t cry Mama…” But she did, enough that it forced more tears to come from her. 

“I missed so much…so much….” Her forlorn gaze drifted up to hers. 

“You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman Lele…” Swallowing tight, she spoke. 

“T-Thank you…” Letting go of her, she stood back as the woman began to cough again, more intensely than before. 

“I been…been waitin for you…” She wheezed out, starting to grip her chest. She turned and went to push the call light, eyes heavy with tears. Soon, a flood of nurses came into the room and asked her not to kindly to leave. She found herself looking at the door and guilt stabbed her in the heart. She’d gotten answers and they weren’t ones she were ready for, she had gotten what she’d came for. Throat tight, she left and once she reached her car, she wept. 

***

He lifted his hands to gently caress her cheeks. 

“What do you need from me?”  She was quiet for a while but the overflowing love in his eyes made all the emotions she felt come to the surface. She began to sniffle, a sign tears were sure to follow. Upon coming home, she’d been an emotional wreck and instantly, he was there, dropping everything he had been doing.

“I don’t know…” He pulled her into his lap and covered her with warmth as she began to sob against his chest, bringing hands up to grip his shirt. Pulling her close against him, he kissed the crown of her head. 

“Let me take care of you.” She welcomed his thumbs as they wiped the tears from her cheeks a bit. 

“‘kay…” He leaned down and kissed her. She sniffed and bit her lip, slowly pulling away from him. He didn’t let her get far, slowly lifting her into his arms. Heading towards the bathroom, he put her down. 

“Take your off clothes babe.” He spoke softly as he began to fill the tub with water. 

“‘kay.” Once the temperature was just right, he stepped back and turned around, finding her naked, looking off in the distance. Coming to her, he gently took her face in his hands. 

“Stay in as long as you like. I know you’re hungry so I’ll make us something to eat.” She offered a weak smile and pressed against him, letting his arms come around her. 

“Thank you Roto…” He smiled against her lips before kissing them. 

“Don’t thank me baby.” It amazed her how clear his gaze was. She wanted to dive right into them.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He left her to get in and came into the kitchen. Running fingers through his hair, he sighed deeply before washing his hands. Tonight was a Miso Salmon and Broccolini Gomaae kinda night. Something comforting but something that would give her the energy she needed. Just as he got started, his phone rang. Tobu. He answered, giving the salmon another flip. 

“Mosh Mosh?”

“Hiro-kun…”

“Hey Tobu-kun.”

“How’s Rae?” 

“She’s not all that great right now but she’ll be back soon.”

“Her mother has cancer?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn. I was never told about any of it. I thought her mother in New York was her mother.”

“It’s a long story, one that Rae will have to tell you.”

“I gotcha.”

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting up worried about you two.”

“Don’t be To-chan. We’ll be all right.” 

“How do you feel about everything Hiro-kun?” He licked his lips. 

“Whatever Rae needs is what I’ll be. That’s it.”

“That’s real.”

“Mm.”

“Please tell her I’m thinking about her. I want you guys to be okay.”

“I will. Don’t worry. We’ll recover from this just we’ve done everything else.”

“Mm.” 

“Baby?” He turned towards the sound of her voice and shifted the phone, reaching to drizzle glaze over the salmon. 

“Tobu, I’ve gotta go. I’ll let you know when we leave New York.”

“Yeah man, do that please. Take care of yourself too.”

“I will.”

“See you later.”

“See you.” Hanging up, he grabbed some plates. 

“All done babe?” He called, starting to put everything together. 

“Yeah.” Her voice was right behind him and he turned, taking her in. She’d washed all the dried tears from her face and donned a cute pajama set, pink and feminine. 

“Good. Dinner’s done.”

“Roto you ain’t-”

“Hush. Don’t.” He replied with a small grin. She pursed her lips but otherwise stayed quiet. 

“I go turn on the tv.”

“Yeah go do that.”

“Smartass.” She said under her breath as she went into the living room. He chuckled, grabbing the plates. Coming into the small great room, he watched as her eyes lit up at the abundance of goodness right in front of her. 

“Dig in sweetheart.” He said with an amused grin, watching as she practically began to inhale the food. As he ate, he glanced down at a piece of paper by his side. Glancing down at the words, he felt his heart swell. 

 *** 

Abba God, help me not to be bitter. As much as she’s hurt me… after today… after today…I don’t think I can hate her. Help me to forgive my mother…please. 

*** 

Their stay was approaching the end and in such a short amount of time, she’d experienced a myriad of emotions. She wanted one last time to see her before they left. This time with Hiroto. Holding to him tight, they entered the hospice. Coming to her room, she knocked quietly before opening the door. 

“Ma?”

“Here baby…” Her voice sounded even weaker than it had before. 

“I brought my husband with me.”

“Okay.” He bowed deeply, not caring that she’d look at him funny. At the end of her life, he would show her respect… no matter what. This woman had given him Rae and he would be eternally grateful for that. 

“Ebere,”

“Yes?” 

“Take all these pictures down baby. They belong to you.”

“Don’t you want to look at them some more?”

“Give them to my grandchildren. Tell em they grandma loved them.” Her throat got tight but she obeyed, taking down every picture she’d made of her mother, pictures of her mother in her youth, everything. This was her mother’s legacy, the only thing left she had to offer. Cradling them to her, she swallowed. 

“It was nice to meet you Hiroto.”

“It has been more than a pleasure.”

“Nice young man…you’re good to her. You love her. Good. Lele needs a strong man to protect her.” 

“Yes ma’am.” The woman took a long extended breath. 

“I can’t visit long today Lele. I’m tired.”

“We goin back home so today is our last day.”

“Thank you…for givin me the chance to speak. Thank you for being such a good daughter and not abandoning me… you’re still such a good sweet girl. Mama’s baby…” She swallowed thickly and clutched the pictures to her. 

“Ms. Harris?” They turned to find her nurse peeking her head in. 

“Time to go?” Her mother seemed sad and glanced at her. 

“You can always come back tomorrow.” 

“Gon get outta here Lele. Member what I told you.” Handing the pictures to Roto, she went to hug her mother one last time. Holding on to her, she felt her heart fill with love as her mother lifted to press thin lips against her cheek. 

“Love you baby…” Feeling her throat fill up with tears, she spoke quietly against her. 

“I love you too Mama.” 

“Go head.”

“Okay..” As they left the room, she began to cry. Roto pulled her close and held her until the tears stopped. But, the tears continued to fall in her heart. 

*** 

A few days after they’d touched back down in Tokyo, she’d gotten the call that her mother had finally passed away. She’d just got out of a meeting and stepped into the hallway. 

“If you’d like Ms. Iwase, we can send you some of the things she requested as her last will.” 

“S-Sure.” 

“We’re sorry for your loss. She could only talk about you. She really loved you.”

“Thank you. Have a great day.”

“You try to take it easy Mrs. Iwase.” Hanging up, she took a deep breath and went to the elevator. Going up to the rooftop lounge, she was glad no one was there. Reaching down, she took off her heels and sat down in one of the comfy chairs. Leaning back, she stared out into the beautiful day that was below her. The sunlight shined radiantly and it cast a golden glow over the entire city. The news wasn’t as much of a surprise as she thought it would be. Last night, she had had a dream about her and right now, it was all she could think about. 

 

*** 

Feet dove into wet sand and water lapped at skinny brown legs. Screams and childish laughter filled the air and arms came around a little girl. 

“Mama, I thought you was gon get in the water with me.” The little girl grinned up at the woman, a woman who was beautiful. Her skin was a smooth Godiva brown, her short kinky coils cut short in a small afro. Her eyes gleamed with humor and love. 

“I ain’t gettin in but I watch you. Gon run Lele!” She let her go and she took off. As she ran, she began to change into an adult form. Childish smile still on her face, she panted and turned as the woman came behind her. 

“Rae,” At the different name, she looked up. The woman was now dressed in a beautiful white dress, it seemed to ebb and flow away from her like the waves of the water. She still had that beauty and now they glowed as bright as the sun. 

“Thank you for everything.”

“No Ma… I… I wanna thank you.” Her mother came closer to her and took her hands. 

“You gave me a chance. The chance I was waitin on and for that I love you evermore.” She pulled her into her arms and her touch was warm and full of love. 

“Treat those babies right here?” Pulling back, she blinked quizzically. 

“Babies? Ma I don’t have no babies…” The woman smiled and slowly let her hand skim her stomach. She inhaled and tears began to fill her eyes. 

“Be the kind of mother I wasn’t Rae. Be better than me.”

“No mother is perfect Ma. You…you tried…” 

“Not hard enough. Promise me you ain’t ever gon give up on them babies.”

“Never…I won’t.”

“Promise me you gon love them no matter what and do whatever you have to to ensure they live good lives.” The intensity of her gaze was starting to unnerve her but she found herself promising. 

“You’re gonna be a good mama baby. Just don’t make the same mistakes I did. Be better than me. Do things better than I did.” She took her hands away from her stomach. 

“I love you baby girl. I’ve always loved you and I’m always gon love you.” The way she spoke suggested finality and when she hugged her again, she pressed a kiss to her forehead. No words were said next as she stood there hugging her mother and little by little, she reverted back to a little girl. She heard the sound of the waves, sand and sunlight and it grew still. 

*** 

She knew immediately when she woke up what it was. Her mother had said her goodbyes. She wasn’t sure how she felt… her emotions too many to name just one. Grief, anger, pain, sadness and love. She hadn’t said anything to Hiroto about it and didn’t plan to. No, this was something she had to deal with alone. 

With her mother passing away, it had gotten her thinking about so much. What kind of mother would she be? What legacy did she want to leave her children? Don’t make the same mistakes I made baby. Her mother’s words resonated in her spirit and she sat up in the chair. She’d finally come to a decision. 

 

She would be a mother who didn’t abandon her kids. NO matter what. She’d never leave them. She’d decided long ago that she wouldn’t ever be a baby mama and she’d kept her word to herself. She’d always desired to bring her children up in a house with a mother and a father. But, it was even better that Hiroto wouldn’t just be a father. A father could be anybody, a faceless body. No, Hiroto would be a daddy. Married to mommy. In love with mommy. A man who would sacrifice anything to make sure they all were taken care of. And her? She’d give her soul to protect them… to make sure that they were loved, knew they were loved and were created out of love. Bending to put her heels back on, she took a deep breath. A mother’s love was never to be doubted and sometimes it made women do stupid things. But, after all, wasn’t it eternal?







Chapter End Notes:

Hey y'all! This was a chapter that was very very personal for me. It's exactly what I felt when I went to see my father before he passed away from cancer. It was difficult to write in some spots but I thank God I went to see him even though I didn't want to. At the end, after all the anger had subsided, I was able to turn into a little girl again and tell him I loved him. It was beautiful and I will never forget it. I am writing writing writing family and I'ma try to roll with it because it's been forever since I've written this much LOL. Hope you enjoy! 

P.S- I will upload those pictures to my previous chapter since Photobucket is deciding to work! hehe. Have a wonderful weekend! See you soon and love you! 

D&L 







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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.