“Momma please I don’t want to”

“Faith look at me”

The nervous thirteen-year-old looked up at her mother as she finished placing the veil on her head. Today was a big day and a new chapter in her life; everything Faith knew was about to change forever. While all the other girls on her block were going to eighth grade she was doing something completely different.

As her family’s only daughter upon entering puberty it was expected of Faith to get married right away. Her parents were first generation Nigerian immigrants so many of the customs that her grandparents had they brought over to America. While most girls usually went to their mothers with mixed reactions about their first period; Faith hid hers.

Talk of her soon being old enough to marry had been going on for a while now and when menarche happened for Faith she hid all of her soiled sheets and underwear because she knew if her mother found out it would be time.

When Faith was only five years old when her father Robert Jamison wanted her to be flown over to Nigeria with her grandmother in order to have a female circumcision done. It was illegal in the states to be performed on girls under eighteen but Robert wanted to make sure that their daughter would be pure for the man he’d chose for her to marry.

Glenda put her foot down and told her husband that she would not have Faith go through that brutal procedure that she herself went through. In turn Robert made Glenda promise as soon as Faith started her cycle that she has to be married right away.

Glenda eventually found out when she found a package of sanitary napkins in her daughter’s dresser and she had no choice but to let her father know now that the it was high time for her to marry.

“We talked about this remember” her mother tried calming her down “you’re going to be taken care of okay Howard Patterson is Daddy’s friend”

“Momma” she cried fat tears rolling down her cheeks now “I don’t want to”

“Faith you have to” her mother insisted “times are tough right now and Daddy and I can’t take care of you anymore; I was about your age when I married Daddy”

“Glenda!” Faith heard her father calling “is that girl ready yet?”

“We’re coming!”

Glenda took a napkin and did her best to wipe away her daughter’s tears

“Don’t cry Faith,” she said, “you look so pretty today and Howard is going to think so too”

A chill went down Faith’s spine at her mother’s words and that thought did not sit well with her at all.

“You remember to do everything Howard tells you” Glenda said “and I mean everything”

“GLENDA!”

“Okay let’s not keep your father waiting” Glenda said smoothing out Faith’s white dress “it will be great everyone’s waiting to see you; your little brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles---“

“Momma no!” Faith cried trying to wiggle her hand out of her mother’s grasp “I don’t want to!”

“Sometimes we have to do things in life we don’t want to” Glenda said insisted

“GLENDA!” her father boomed coming in the room “what the hell is taking so damn long?”

“Robert calm down everything’s fine Faith is a little scared that’s all”

“Scared?” Robert grunted, “what hell is she scared for? Shit I’m the one who should scared Howard paid a lot of money for her ass”

“Daddy please---“

“Come on girl”  Robert said ignoring her and yanking her by the hand “stop crying ain’t nobody hurting you”

Faith tried her best to fight back her tears as her father led her out into the backyard where all of her family was waiting to watch the ceremony.

Faith didn’t know much about weddings but she knew this felt wrong; she knew that she was way too young to get married and here she was doing just that. Being married to her father’s best friend Howard who was forty years old was wrong.

Yet all Faith seemed to be hearing was as her father walked her down the aisle was how pretty she looked as if it were normal. The pastor was waiting at the end of the aisle standing alongside him was Howard who looked like he was already graying at his temples.

When Howard looked at her he gave her a grimy smile, which made the chill Faith felt early go down her spine once more. When her father felt her stiffen he whispered “You better calm yourself down right now girl”

Faith’s heart sung when her father placed her hand in Howard’s and went to go sit back down as if this whole ordeal was completely normal.

“Who gives this bride away?” the pastor asked

“Her mother and I” Robert said without a second thought

“Ladies and gentlemen we gather here this afternoon to join Howard Patterson and Faith Jamison in holy matrimony any objections to this union speak now or forever hold your peace”

Faith opened her mouth to object but her father shot her a death glare and she didn’t dare say anything to ruin this moment.

Faith didn’t think this was fair she of course would have liked to be married someday but not when she was still supposed to be a kid. This is definitely what she didn’t want.

Howard pulled the veil back and Faith refused to look at him and he said, “You’re going to have to look at me eventually sweet thing”

“Howard do you take this woman Faith to be your wife? To have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do you part?”

“I do”

The pastor turned to Faith and he recited the same vows to her and waited for her to respond.

“I…I..I…”

“Speak up girl!” Robert barked at her

“I do” Faith finally said

When the pastor pronounced them husband and wife Faith had no choice but to let him kiss her. It made her stomach churn in a bad way. Howard’s lips were chapped and his breath was horrible and she didn’t like the way he wrapped his arms around her.

The two of them turned around to face their family and friends and there was clapping all around. Faith looked over to Glenda and was surprised to see tears falling down her mother’s face as she mouthed the phrase ‘I’m sorry’. It was too late and what was done was done.

Howard snored loudly on his side of the bed while Faith laid curled up in a ball on her side. It was hard for her to sleep and she was crying silently staining her pillow; she tried to keep quiet since Howard had told her to hush up before he fell asleep.

About an hour ago Faith had found out just what her mother meant by her doing everything Howard told her and she didn’t like it at all and was thankful when he finally rolled over and fell asleep.

Her whole body ached and she didn’t like the constant pain throbbing between her legs; but even though it hurt Faith knew better than to say no to her new husband.

That wasn’t the only thing that bothered her though; Faith just didn’t want to be here at all she felt like her life changed all too much in just twenty-four hours. She would simply give anything to go back home but she knew she couldn’t not after her father had gotten that money for her dowry.

Faith was just another child bride in her family she knew that her father never saw her as anything more than that since the day she was born. A child bride with a dowry.

The next morning Howard left the house for work leaving Faith with instructions telling her to clean the house and have dinner ready for when he came home.

As soon as he left Faith immediately got in the shower and tried to scrub and clean her body free of Howard’s touch but even afterwards she still felt dirty and upset.

Howard had warned Faith not to use the telephone in the kitchen and she knew that she would be risking defying him but she had to call her mother; she still wanted to have some connection with her family.

Faith anxiously waited on the other side of the line for phone to pick up.

“….”

“….”

“….”

“…Hello?”

“Momma”

“Faith what’s wrong? Why are you calling here you know you’re not allowed to call here anymore---“

“Momma I want to come home”

“Faith your home is right where you are now with your new husband”

“Momma please” she cried “I can’t do this he made me have sex with him last night and it hurt really bad it still hurts”

“It was your wedding night you were supposed to do as he wanted” Glenda said, “you’ll get used to it and it won’t hurt all the time”

Get used to it? Faith couldn’t believe that her mother was telling her this

“Momma I never wanted this”

“I know sweetie” her mother said more softly “that’s why I named you Faith when you were born so that you’d be strong enough for this”

“But Momma I can’t do this I want to come home---“

“Faith Annalise you stop crying right now you hear me” Glenda said firmly “you’re going to have to learn that sometimes we have to things in life that we don’t necessarily like but they must be done”

“Now you listen to me” she continued “you make sure this is the last time you call you hear me? Don’t you ever call this house again”

“But why Momma?”

“You’re not a child anymore” she said rather coldly and detached “you’re a man’s wife now”

With that said Glenda hung up the phone

“Momma?”

“Momma?”

“Momma?”

No matter how many times Faith called for her she knew that her mother cut her off and it was a done deal. This was her life now and just when Faith thought she had run out tears to cry more came down her face.

Faith would cry every day for the first couple of weeks for her marriage.