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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


 

 

 

14

 

She’d imagined this moment many times. Imagined how he would look, the anger, the betrayal. But the one thing she couldn’t have imagined was the nauseating churning of her stomach. That burning feeling of shame.

“What is he talking about?” Christian demanded.

She opened her mouth, willing herself to speak but nothing came out. Feeling the thrum of panic, her eyes fell to the door. She wanted to run but she couldn’t move. The regret weighed down her body, it was paralyzing.

She felt the heat of his eyes on her face, searing, intense.

“Taylor,” he said and she shook her head, eyes still lowered.

“Look at me,” he said desperately when she wouldn’t raise her head. “Look at me, damn it!”

She pressed her lips together to stop the trembling, blinked back tears that were threatening to fall then raised her head slowly and met his eyes.

They were a tumultuous blue, cloudy with anger, confusion, and disbelief.

“Are you a woman?”

Strange how those words caused her pain. How they made the tears, she’d tried to stop, fall unchecked down her face.

“Are you?” he asked in such a deathly calm voice that it made her shudder. She would have preferred to see him rant and rave instead of this ... stillness.

He took a step towards and she almost cringed when he reached out to grab her arm. “Are you?”

 

Christian felt as if he was standing on the edge of a building looking down at the world below. That sick, dizzy feeling of vertigo. 

He watched Taylor’s head move into a very slow, short nod and he felt it instantly - the cold, hard stab of betrayal. 

No – no. There had to be some mistake.

“Taylor,” he said quickly, willing Taylor to raise his head and tell him that this was all wrong because he was finding it hard to breathe. Why was it suddenly so hard to breathe?

But Taylor wouldn’t respond. He just kept his head down in that silent assent of guilt.

“No,” he said softly, his hand spasming against Taylor’s arm, grasping it hard without meaning to.  

“I’m sorry,” Taylor whispered and the words hit him harder than any punch could have.

He staggered back in shock, blindly stumbling to the door before he could collapse under the weight of that feeling of betrayal.

He felt Carson’s hand on his shoulder and in a moment of clarity, he realized something equally damning. 

Whipping around, he grabbed Carson by the collar. “How long did you know?” he spat, his voice thick with venom.

Carson looked away. “A few weeks,” he said quickly, bluntly.

“You son of a bitch.”

Christian hit him hard. Sent him tumbling to the ground, blood dripping from his nose. Then without looking back, he slammed out of the room.

... 

Taylor left the cafe in a daze.

As soon as she walked into her house, the tears came. She’d held them in check through the entire ride home but as soon as she made it into her room, her body completely shut down.  

Despite the disastrous events that had followed it, Taylor couldn’t stop think about Christian’s confession, about how his lips had felt on hers.

It had been beyond anything she could have imagined. And it had shocked the sense back into her.

She had been such an idiot.

She’d been so afraid to lose him, so afraid that he’d hate her, that she’d never stopped to think that her lie was breaking him down bit by bit. That he was struggling just as much as she was.

It was why she’d said no after he’d confessed when all she wanted to do was say yes ten times over. It was why she’d tried desperately to escape. Because after he’d made that kind of confession how could she look him in the eyes and tell him that everything he thought he knew was a lie?

Christian’s face flashed in her mind and a fresh batch of tears formed in her eyes.

She regretted it so much. Wished she could turn back the clock and tell him the truth before things had gone so horribly wrong. If only she’d trusted him a bit more. If only she’d believed that he’d understand. Now it was too late.

She stayed there for a while, staring blindly across the room, tears falling unchecked down her face until the room grew dark.

And then she couldn’t take it anymore. Christian deserved to hear it from her mouth. He might never forgive her but maybe she could make him understand.

She grabbed her keys and left to find him.

...

He leaned against the elevator wall exhausted.

He’d been driving around for what felt like hours playing back the last few months of his life, every conversation, every hint that Taylor wasn’t who he – she said she was. He wondered how a pair of soft brown eyes had fooled for him so long.

Even now, he could barely believe it - found it hard to think of Taylor as a she. How could someone he knew so well, lie to him about something that important?

He knew so well? The irony of it made him laugh, although the sharp, bitter sound that came out of his mouth could hardly constitute as laughter. 

The elevator bell rang and he stepped through the doors.

His feet slowed when he saw a familiar dark head swing around to look at him. Rage flared up inside him and he fought hard to tamper it down.

He continued to his door, ignoring Taylor who had stepped in front of the door and was watching him with trepidation.

It pissed him off that Taylor was afraid. That he-she thought that Christian would hurt hi—her. But that was the point of the entire pretense wasn’t it? The fact that Taylor didn’t trust him.

Taylor was blocking his way and he almost lifted a hand to push her aside but he thought better of it. If he laid one hand on her, God knows what he would do.

Maybe she was right to be afraid after all.

“Move,” he said.

“Please,” she said, hesitantly reaching for his arm before letting it drop. “Just a few minutes. That’s all I ask."

He looked down at her, his gaze sweeping over her face to take stock of what he had missed for so long.

She wasn’t beautiful. Not lush or ultra feminine like the girls he’d always fallen for in the past. She was angles and structure, and yet those lines were undeniably graceful, and that mouth ... Even now, despite his disgust and anger, he wanted nothing more than to kiss that mouth again.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and waited for her to speak.

 

Taylor kept her eyes on Christian’s chest and tried not to flinch beneath his careful scrutiny of her face. 

She wished he was furious, that at the very least he would yell at her. That would have been better than feeling those silent, veiled eyes watching and judging her.

He hadn’t made another move to go inside. He was giving her an opportunity to explain so she took it.

“I ... I never set out to fool you,” she said softly. “When you’d mistaken me for a guy, it just seemed ... easier. Things were really bad at home and I had no way of paying the damages. So when you offered to let me work it off, it was sort of a godsend.” Her voice wavered slightly, “I didn’t want you to change your mind because I was a girl. I figured it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. That it wouldn’t hurt anybody if you didn’t know the truth but...”

She felt the tears come again. Felt the pain of knowing that she’d done this all wrong. That she’d set themselves up for this moment, for this hurt, without even realizing it. “But somewhere along the way we started to be friends and the cafe started to feel like home. And I got scared because I didn’t want to lose my friend. I didn’t want to be unwelcomed. I was scared that you’d hate me if you knew. I didn’t want you to hate me. I—,”

Two hands grabbed her, stopping her abruptly. Her eyes flew up, clashing with blazing blue ones.

“Tell me,” he demanded his eyes like liquid fire, “how long were you going to keep it up? How long were you going to look me in the eyes and lie to me?”

“I-I-,” she struggled to answer because she didn’t know. She honestly didn’t know.

“While you were playing victim, holding out on me because you didn’t want me to hate you,” he said the last words jeeringly, “I was in hell.”

“Christian,” she said, tears now streaming down her face.

“You know what the joke is?” he said, laughing bitterly, eyes shimmering. “You never thought about me at all. Every part of me was filled with you and you never gave a shit about me. I told you I wanted to be with you, Taye. I kissed you. Do you know what that meant?” He let her go, hands shaking.

“I wanted to tell you,” she said gulping back sobs. “I wanted to tell you so many times.”

“But you didn’t!” he lashed out. “You made be believe that I...Do you even know what I was going to throw away?”

She pressed her lips together, watching him with blurry eyes.

“I was willing to risk everything to be with you, yet you didn’t want to risk a damn thing for me!”

Her head lowered in shame. He was right. She’d wanted it all. His friendship, his love, his world, while giving him only half of herself.  She’d let him take on the burden of her lie without acknowledging that it was a burden.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing that it wasn’t enough. “I’m so sorry, Christian.”

“Me too,” he said, his eyes shifting past her to stare at the door.

With a heavy heart, she moved aside so he could unlock it. She watched him walk inside, watched the door close and for the longest time stared at the vacant spot he had left.

...

Taylor showed up to work the next day with dark shadows under her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Carson asked coolly when she stepped up behind the bar. 

“Working,” she said quietly, preparing the machines.

She knew how it looked, showing up after what had transpired the day before but she’d resolved not to run away this time. She wouldn’t buckle under the condemnation or reproving stares. This time she wouldn’t hide herself from Christian.

She’d left too many things unsaid. She hadn’t even told him how much she cared for him. That she had fallen for him along the way. He needed to know how she felt.

Most of the staff gave her a wide berth. Even Isabel stuck to glaring at her across the room rather than speak to her. She was hurt but she understood that they didn’t know how to treat her. She hadn’t changed, she was still Taylor, but it would take some time for them to get used to her as a woman. 

The only person truly in her corner was George. He took her aside to ask if her if she was all right when the morning rush was over.

“I wish I had listened to you,” she said when they were both standing outside in the courtyard. “I wish I had just told him the truth from the beginning.”

George put a hand around her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. “We all make mistakes,” he said. “It’s life’s way of showing us that nothing’s easy.”

“I’ve been watching Christian these last couple of months and he’s changed a lot. He’s become a better man and I think that has a lot to do with you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

His eyes drifted past her. “I do. He may not realize it now but one day he’ll come to see how important you are in his life.” 

“I hurt him a lot, George,” she said, voice catching.

“You’re hurting too.” He gave her shoulder another squeeze.

Her eyes welled up at the words. No one understood how hard it had been for her, how much pain she was feeling now. It was times like these when she wished she had girl friends, confidants, someone she could lean on. Christian had become that person for her but she couldn’t turn to him anymore.

The crunch of footsteps against gravel made her turn. Christian walked past them and entered the cafe.

Her heart thundered against her chest as she watched his back disappear behind the door. She looked back at George.

“Get back to work,” he said with a gentle smile.

She nodded and went back inside.

Christian was waiting for her by the stairs, his eyes heavy and shadowed. “Come see me in my office,” he said before making his way upstairs.

When they were both standing in his office, door closed, he reached in his desk drawer and pushed an envelope towards her.

“I want to thank you for all the work you’ve done during these last few months but your services will no longer be required.”

She deflated at the words. If she left the cafe now, she knew she’d never see him again. The thought of it was unbearable.

Funny how he’d asked her to leave twice before in this very same room and yet this was the first time she really felt the impact.

“Third time’s the charm, huh?” she said softly.

He stared at her blankly and she trembled, feeling the distance of that gaze.

“I like you.” The shaky words stumbled out before she could stop them. “I like you so much and I don’t know what to do. I regret ... everything. Not trusting you, not trusting the person I’ve grown to know. Not believing in you enough to tell you the truth.”

He looked away, his mouth tightening.

“Christian, I just ...” The tears were coming back again and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Just one chance. Give me one more chance. I don’t want to lose you.” She brought shaking hands to her mouth. They were pressed together in supplication. “Please.”

“I want to forgive you, Taylor...” He closed his eyes briefly before looking back at her. The pain she saw in his eyes was like a shot through the heart. “But every time I look at you, I see the lie. The person in front of me, I don’t know who you are.”

“I’m the same as before.”

“You’re not!” he said in a hard voice. “That kid – that kid trusted me, believed in me and I believed in him. I don’t believe in you.”

She shuddered, grief overtaking her. “Please, Christian.”

His voice softened as he looked at her, the misery in his eyes reflecting her own. “I have to let you go, Taylor.” The double meaning wasn’t lost on her. “Pack up your things and go home.”

And then he left her, standing in the middle of his office, with nothing but a white envelope and her regrets.

 

 






Chapter End Notes:

I really suck at this updating in a timely fashion business. But believe it or not, the end is finally, finally near. Really. Seriously.

Thanks as always for reading. You guys are patient beyond words.







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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.