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The Confrontation a JOVAN Story    REVISED

Chapter 5     How to Make a Start

The guys at the office still keep me up to date on the news at the station so I was pleased to hear of Evangeline’s success with the Manning case.  Good for her. She never gave up on Todd Manning. Not that he’s worth her effort but everyone deserves a good defense and Evangeline is the best defense attorney that I know.  She believed that her client was innocent and so he was.  I remember what it’s like to have her support you.  I had that once and gave it up.  Stupid me and now look at me.  But I won’t wallow in my sorrow.  I will rise above it.  I have things to do to make things better and I will do them.  

Dr. Crosby, with a bit of coaxing from me, has given me some ideas on how to get Evangeline back to at least acknowledging that I exist.  He would not go so far as to give me any pointers on how to win her heart back because he thinks that I’m setting myself up for failure.  After what I told him what happened between us he doesn’t think that she will take me back.  But I will not give up.  She loved me once maybe she will love me again.  Anyway I digress.  He suggested that I move.  This apartment has too many negative memories and I need a new outlook on life.  Even though there are vacancies in Evangeline’s building I don’t want her to think that I’m stalking her so I find an apartment in a nice neighborhood and quite affordable. 

Although on suspension I am still drawing a paycheck.  Dr. Crosby’s weekly reports keep the judge from ordering any jail time for the obstruction charge.  The judge has decided that my suspension is enough punishment since Christian Vega has released me from any culpability. I appreciate that from Christian but I won’t approach him to thank him.  He and I give each other a wide berth and avoid each other whenever possible.  Natalie still doesn’t talk to me and I’m glad for that because I have nothing to say to her. Michael stops by from time to time but other than that I’m pretty much on my own.  I did get a bit of good news today.  Dr. Crosby says that I should be able to go back to work in two weeks.  He will sign off on the ‘return to work’ paperwork if Bo agrees to it.  I know that I disappointed Bo and I apologized to him. It will take a lot of work on my part to regain his trust and respect.  So I will use these two weeks on trying to figure a way to get back into Evangeline’s good graces.  I have an idea.  I will send to her a movie and a can of popcorn.  She likes movies and she likes popcorn.  Something simple to start.  Well here goes.

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Friday finally arrives and I’m all set for my weekend alone. I set out my movies, popcorn, and drinks and get ready for my shower when I hear a knock at the door. I’m not expecting anybody so I check the peephole and see a delivery guy.  I opened the door and he hands me two packages.  I sign for them and return to my living room. I open the packages and see ‘Casablanca’ videocassette and a can of popcorn.  Who sent these?  I read the card, ‘You can say a lot without talking’.  ‘Enjoy’.  It’s from John.  Why would he send these to me?  I don’t have time for this.  Let me take my shower and get started with my movie night.

By the end of the movie I’m remembering that we never did make it to the Thalia to see ‘Casablanca’.  That’s when our relationship was just starting and it was new and exciting. We did have some good times but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good.  Look at us now.  We don’t even talk to each other.  We treat each other like we’re strangers, like we were never even friends.  I know that he’s suspended and that must be killing him because his job is his life.  Well nothing that I can do about that and anyway he brought that on himself.  The movie was good and I’m ready for bed.  No more thoughts of John.

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I hope that she liked the movie and popcorn.  We never did make it to the theatre to see ‘Casablanca’ that time.  Something I was doing probably got in the way.  What I wouldn’t do for another chance with her.  I will continue to try.  I can’t give up.  My life depends on it.  I know that a movie and a can of popcorn will not do to get her back but it’s a start.  

Another idea comes to mind on how I might reach out to Evangeline. It is a risk but one that I am willing to take. With pen and paper in hand I start writing a letter to her. These letters will tell her all about John McBain, from childhood up to the present time.  Maybe it will prompt a response from her but nevertheless I will send them to her.  I want her to know me even if I cannot tell her face-to-face.  As I write it offers me some release too.  I’ve told most of this to Dr. Crosby but some specifics I leave only for Evangeline’s eyes.  The first letter takes up about five pages and the others average even more.  Every other day I send her a letter.  This goes on for a month before I notice a change.  Coming in from work one evening I sort through my mail and imagine my delight when I find a letter from Evangeline.  She starts out by saying that she thanks me for the letters and then she tells me about her childhood.  I am overwhelmed and overjoyed.  

The letters continue back and forth but still when we see each other in person we are tentative and careful of our words and glances. I hate this.  I hate that we’re not comfortable with each other and it’s all my fault.  I won’t push though.  If we have to take it slowly then slowly we will go.