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The Confrontation a JOVAN Story    REVISED

Chapter 6      The Road to Renewal

When people say that life is short do they really realize how quickly things can change in a moment? Christian Vega’s life was snatched away in a moment by someone who wanted to use him for nefarious reasons; Todd’s life was snatched away by someone who wanted Todd’s wife; my life was snatched away by someone who wanted to hurt John.  When I say snatched away I don’t mean that we died but the life that we had was snatched away and now we are living a new life.  I have to find a way to find some peace in my life. These court cases and my own assault have left me very fragile.  No way can I make any major decisions about anything until I can once again find my balance.  That is why I limit my interactions with John.  Some part of me still wonders what would have happened if he had opened himself up to love me but the other part still harbors anger against him for all that transpired between us.

It did surprise me when I received the first letter from him. Then with the additional letters arriving every other day I found myself looking forward to receiving them. After a month or so I decide to respond to his letters.  I start out slowly talking about my childhood and then about so many other things about my life that I had not shared with anyone.  John also opened up to me in his letters. Why couldn’t he talk like this when we were together?  Don’t think about that Evangeline it will only upset you and you don’t need that.  I’m talking to myself again.  It’s just as well with Nora still not available.  I pray that my friend recovers soon.

With Todd’s conviction overturned I have more time for my other clients and word of my successful defense of Todd spread and I have more clients than I can handle so I refer them out to my colleagues in town who are most grateful for the new clients.  The clients that I do keep get the best defense possible which keeps me very busy.  But all work and no play makes for a very dull existence so I think that it is time for me to get back to living.

Checking the events calendar in the newspaper I notice several items that prick my fancy.  There’s a new play at the cultural center, a new opera at symphony hall, and tee times at the golf course.  I need to get back in to the swing of things.  Not having a date companion will not stop me from enjoying myself.  I can always ask Todd to accompany me but I don’t want my eyes scratched out by Blair Cramer. Who knows I just might meet someone new.  With that in mind I purchase tickets for the play and the opera.  The golf tee times work great for Saturday.  Whew!  I feel better already.

There is one other thing that I need to do.  I call Dr. Jamison and schedule a therapy session with him.  After everything that has happened it would prove beneficial to me to strengthen my psychological and emotional resolve.  The first session I explain what I want to accomplish in the course of the therapy and I tell him what has happened to bring me to this point.  Of course most of it centers on my relationship with my father and with John.  Dr. Jamison does comment on the similarities of my relationships with both men just as my mother did.  I was hoping that my mother was wrong when she said that when we went to my great aunt’s funeral but now Dr. Jamison, a psychiatrist, stated the same thing. I do need help.  Well if this will make smooth my road to renewal then I will do what must be done.  In telling Dr. Jamison about the letters that John and I have exchanged he became hesitant as to whether that is a good idea.  He states that continuing to correspond with John while still harboring unresolved feelings for him may do more harm than good.  But what do I do now.  Do I just stop writing?  That will seem very rude.  Dr. Jamison explains that I can simply say that I must take a break now to get to work on myself without any distractions.  Perhaps when I am better we can converse again.  That seems reasonable to me.  We schedule weekly sessions for after work. He gives me no clue as to how long this will take but I know that I have to do this for me.  I can’t go on half here and half somewhere else because I don’t know where that somewhere else is but I do know that I don’t feel whole.

Returning to my apartment with a new resolve, I write the letter to John telling him that we must discontinue the letters because I must concentrate on my own psychological and emotional healing.  I further explain that my therapist recommends that I spend all my energies on me and not on trying to keep the lines of communication open with him and that to continue may cause me more harm than good and so I must heed my therapist’s advise.  Wanting John to receive this letter immediately I hand deliver it to his office at the police station.

When I arrive at the station I hear him on the phone with the medical examiner.  I wait for him to end his call.  When I hear him hang up the phone I enter his offer and hand the letter to him.

“I wanted you to have this immediately so I decided to hand deliver it.  I don’t have time to talk so just read it and you will have a complete explanation.  Good night.”

“Wait Evangeline!  What is this about?”

“Just read it John.  I have to go.”

I know that it’s the coward’s way out but it’s the best way for me.  He now has the letter and when he reads it he will know everything.  It’s time to take care of me.  All right back home and shower, eat and to bed.  Another day, another dollar.

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Why did she run out of here?  What’s in the letter?  I open it and read it.  She can’t continue to write to me.  She’s in therapy, that’s good.  Writing to me distracts her and may harm her in the long run.  I don’t want that.  I’m glad that she’s taking time for herself.  I can wait.  I’m good at waiting.  I know how helpful therapy can be so I won’t press her.  She and I have come a long way from, “John, if I could do it without being charged with assault and battery I would knock you out right now.  How dare you stand here and say that this doesn’t have anything to do with me.”  That’s what she said when she walked into my apartment after finding out that I knew that the DNA test results revealed the real Christian Vega. It’s a wonder that she even talks to me now.  I will wait for her. She’s worth it.  That ‘confrontation’ was probably the best thing to happen to me.  It prompted me to get my life together. I too will continue my therapy sessions with Dr. Crosby.  Perhaps I will take up some new hobbies instead of sitting in my apartment brooding.  What were some of those date ideas that Evangeline gave to me several years ago?  Tee times at the golf course, recipes, movies at the Thalia.  I need to get back to living.  When I get home I will check the events section in the newspaper and see what’s on the calendar.