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The Confrontation a JOVAN Story    REVISED

Chapter 7      Lessons

After checking the events section in the newspaper I note several things that interest me.  The community center offers classes on learning about ballet, opera and cooking. Why did I never notice this before now?  These are the kinds of things that Evangeline likes.  I could have taken these classes way back when and brought more to our relationship than just my brooding.  Well I know now I will take full advantage of them.  Now to find where I can learn how to golf or to play tennis.  Spending time in these endeavors will help me to keep my mind off of not communicating with Evangeline.  I was really enjoying exchanging letters with her.  That gives me an idea.  I will continue to write to her but I won’t mail the letters so when or if she talks to me again then I will give them to her and she will know what I have been thinking while she is away from me.  I like that plan.

The first ballet appreciation class takes place this Saturday at 10:00 a.m.  I arrive at 9:55 and sit in the back of the class.  Earlier in the week I purchased a Ballet for Dummies book and started reading it so that I don’t appear totally stupid during the class.  In walks the instructor and the class begins.  The first class consists of discussion on the classic ballets The Nutcracker and Swan Lake and the five basic ballet positions of Adagio, Allegro, Arabesque, Barre and  Battement Tendu and the three movements of plie (plee-ay), releve (ruh-leh-vay) and sauté (soh-tay).  It relieves me to no end that the instructor reminds us that this is not a class to learn to ‘dance’ ballet but a class to learn to ‘appreciate’ ballet. I do walk away from the class with a new appreciation of ballet and an immense thankfulness that I will never have to learn how to dance ballet.  So I will return on next Saturday, same time, same location.  

The opera appreciation class in right next-door and so I go in and sit to wait for the instructor to arrive.  With my handy, Opera for Dummies book I’m ready to learn.  Once again we discuss the basics of opera and the instruction reemphasizes that this is an appreciation class and jokingly say that we will do no singing in this class.  Whew what a relief!  Folks will run out of class if I start singing my voice is so bad.  Well now I know how my Saturday schedule will look for the next month, ballet and opera classes from 10:00 a.m. until 12:00 p.m.  Oh what joy!  No seriously, I learned a lot today and will tough it out for the month.  Now it is time for lunch.  

Since Evangeline told me that she couldn’t write to me anymore I have not seen much of her.  Maybe I’ll see her at the diner.  I have a taste for a cheeseburger and fries.  I remember a conversation that she and I had when she came into the diner while I was eating a cheeseburger and fries, something about her winning a case and Roger Clemens.  The diner is a bit crowded so I have to wait a while to get a seat and once I settle in I look around and unfortunately I don’t see Evangeline.  Oh well maybe sometime this week I will see her. I have to testify in two cases at court so perhaps I will see her in the courthouse.  Just as my order arrives I look up and see Dr. Jamison. I am surprised to see him because he is not a usual customer.  He’s more of a Palace kind of guy.  He sees me and walks over and asks if he can sit.  I say yes.

“Hello Mr. McBain how are you today?”

“I’m doing better Dr. Jamison, how are you?”

“I’m glad that I bumped into you Mr. McBain.  Have you spoken with Ms. Williamson recently?”

“No Doctor I haven’t, not since she told me that she could no longer write to me.  I have neither seen nor heard from her.”

“Mr. McBain I know that this may sound very strange to you but I will ask any way. What are your intentions with Ms. Williamson?  The two of you were very publicly involved and had an acrimonious split up.  As you can imagine this had a very adverse effect on Ms. Williamson.”

“Doctor I understand that and just for your information it had a very adverse effect on me too.”

“But the difference is Mr. McBain, you went on to another relationship after the break up and with the one person who was a major interference while you were involved with Ms. Williamson.  That added to the trauma of the break up for Ms. Williamson.  With you now trying to reestablish a relationship with her only brings up reminders of the hurt from the break up which from which she has not fully recovered.”

“Is that why we can’t write to each other anymore?”

“To what end Mr. McBain?  What do you want from Ms. Williamson?  Didn’t she suffer enough from her first involvement with you why would you submit her to another one?”

“Doctor this conversation in getting very personal, is there somewhere else we can talk?”

“This is not a consultation Mr. McBain, just a casual conversation, but yes we can talk. Why don’t we grab our food to go and I know of quiet place in the park that we can talk.  It backs up to a wall and no one can hear our conversation without our first seeing them approach.  I use it for my patients with claustrophobia.  Wide-open spaces allow them to relax.  Are you ready?”

“Yes Doctor, let’s go.”

We walk to the park to an area that I have never visited.  It is secluded and quiet.  We sit and start to eat.  After a few moments Dr. Jamison resumes the conversation,

“What do you want from Ms. Williamson Mr. McBain?  Even though you and Mrs. Vega are no longer together it does not negate the fact that you withheld information about her husband while you and Ms. Williamson were involved and after your break up with Ms. Williamson you entered into a physical relationship with Mrs. Vega even though you knew that she was still married.  Although you and Ms. Williamson were no longer together when your relationship started with Mrs. Vega the knowledge that you knew all along that Christian Vega was alive had to have negatively impacted Ms. Williamson.  Now that your duplicity has been revealed and you are suspended from the police force how can you seriously believe that it would be good for Ms. Williamson to once again allow you in her life?  You hurt her deeply Mr. McBain, can’t you see that?  Telling her now how sorry you are does little to alleviate the hurt that you inflicted on her. Allow her to heal completely Mr. McBain.  You kept away from her while you were with Mrs. Vega so now that Mrs. Vega is no longer an option why would you think that Ms. Williamson should take you back.  Do you expect her to be your rebound?”

“No Doctor I don’t expect Evangeline to be my rebound.  I know that what I did was wrong.  It’s all out in public now so I don’t need to tell you anything more about the Christian Vega case but I will say this.  I miss what I had with Evangeline. She made me feel worthwhile.  I know that may not sound like a lot but for a man like me who didn’t feel like I measure up until I solve my father’s case, feeling worthwhile goes a long way to helping me make it through the day.  Yes Evangeline and I broke up but it was not what I wanted.  I wanted to stay in the relationship with, yes even knowing that I was withholding vital information from her about Christian Vega.  Everything I did was wrong and I know that now.  I too am in therapy Doctor and it is helping me to resolve the major issues that I have with feelings and letting people in.  Yes I mean ‘major’ issues.  I have hurt many people because of my issues but I have also hurt myself.  I want Evangeline in my life.  I want a relationship with her.  I don’t want to hurt her, I want to love her.  If staying away from me will help her to heal then I will stay away from her. This will hurt me to do but I would rather sustain the hurt than cause any more hurt to her.  But Doctor is there any way for us to make it through this without hurting each other and work towards a relationship?  I have not attempted to see her or talk to her since she told me to stop writing to her.  It may sound selfish of me, and I don’t mean to be selfish in this.  Evangeline has gone above and beyond with dealing with my stupidity.  How can I help her Doctor?  That’s the bottom line now.  How can I help Evangeline to heal, even if after she’s healed she wants nothing to do with me, I still what to help her?”

“Allow her to take the lead.  If she invites you to sit with her at the diner, do so but don’t invite yourself to sit.  If or when you talk with her again let her know that you want what is best for her and will help in anyway in making that happen.  I am not betraying doctor patient confidentiality when I say that she may still love you Mr. McBain but she’s angry with herself for having those feelings after all that has transpired between the two of you.  You have very little to offer Ms. Williamson until you are mentally and emotionally healthy.  If you truly want to love her, love yourself first and give her the best of you.”

“I understand what you are saying Dr. Jamison, but can you tell me if we have a time table on this?”

“No we don’t Mr. McBain.  Just know that in the end it will be well worth the wait.  Ms. Williamson is a remarkable woman and it is unfortunate that you did not see that the first time around.  But you had your problems that prevented you from seeing clearly. It is good to know that you are on the road to recovery.  Learn from your mistakes Mr. McBain and don’t repeat them.  Just remember that once Ms. Williamson is healed she may not want you in her life.  Prepare yourself for that possibility.”

“Don’t worry Dr. Jamison I know that we have a long tough road ahead of us but I will do all that I can to succeed.  I thank you for taking the time to talk with me.  If it will prove helpful for you to talk with my therapist in treating Ms. Williamson I will sign a waiver or whatever so that can happen.”

“I don’t think that it will be necessary Mr. McBain I think that I have all the information that I need simply by talking with you.  If I should change my mind about that I will contact you. Thanks for the offer it shows a sincerity on your part of really wanting to help Ms. Williamson.”

“That’s exactly what I want to do Dr. Jamison.  Now it’s getting late and I want to enjoy the rest of my Saturday. Have a good day.”

“You also Mr. McBain.  Thank you for your time.”

While returning to my apartment I think about my conversation with Dr. Jamison and feel a little melancholy that I won’t get to talk with Evangeline for a while so I sit and start writing a letter.  She may not receive it for a long time but at least she will know that I was thinking about her during this time apart. When I woke up this morning little did I know the many lessons that I would learn today.