Un-betaed

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Dear John letters

(Okay it may not be what you expected but it is what it is.  This chapter is a bit longer than the others.    Thnx for reading)

Chapter 6            The reveal and decision made

Things now happen in a flurry.  I awake with a hangover.  Going to the bathroom for a shower and to take a few aspirin to relieve the pain in my head I notice something off in my room.  Not quite able to determine just what is different about my room I complete my shower, take the aspirin and go to the kitchen to prepare myself some breakfast.  When I arrive in the kitchen there is a plate of eggs, sausage and toast on the table.  How did that get there?  Am I so out of it that I don’t remember making breakfast?  I sit and eat and then dress for work.  

Arriving at the station the bullpen in busy with officers processing new arrests and I quickly move to my office.  I turn on my computer to check my emails.  Once that is done I check my phone for voice messages.  All clear and then I start on the pile of files on my desk.  

My thoughts go back to last night and Evangeline’s letter and my weird dream. What did it all mean?  No time for my mind to wander now I have too much work to do.  Not making much of a dent on the pile of files on my desk I decide to take a break for lunch.  I can’t think clearly and I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.  I order in and sit at my desk with my food. I try not to think about Evangeline but without success.  I still don’t understand why she kept saying that I was late and that she doesn’t have much time.  Usually when we talk in my dreams everything is straightforward and I understand what she is saying and what I must do but last night was totally different, totally different.  Wait! It was totally different and shorter than the other times.

BEEP, BEEP, RING, RING, BEEP, BEEP

“He seems to be coming to doctor!”

“Check his vitals!”

“How is this possible?  He passed out and has been in a coma for weeks and now he’s gaining consciousness.  Does anyone know what brought this on?”

“Let his brother know that he’s regained consciousness and page the psychiatrist and neurosurgeon, STAT.”

The doctors examine their patient, question him and then invite his brother to join them in the patient’s room.

“Dr. McBain we’ve invited you in while we continue to assess your brother’s condition.  He’s been in a coma for several weeks now and we have not been able to determine what caused it.  Usually some traumatic incident or injury has such effect on the body but you said that you found him on the floor of his apartment.  Is that correct?”

“Yes that is correct but now that he has regained consciousness perhaps he can tell us what brought this on.”

“You are right Dr. McBain, would you like to start the questions?”

“Yes I would thank you.  John what is the last thing that you remember?”

“Michael why am I in the hospital?  I was sitting at my desk eating lunch and the next thing I know I wake up here.  What happened to me?”

“John you were found in your apartment passed out on the floor.  When you didn’t make it into work Bo grew concerned and called me.  I went to your apartment and Roxie let me in and we found you unconscious on the floor.  We called for an ambulance and brought you to the hospital. You’ve been unconscious since then and that was at least two weeks ago.  We tried to revive you but you slipped into a coma.  Just an hour ago you came out of the coma and we have no idea what caused the coma in the first place.  Your fall to the floor wasn’t heavy enough to cause any trauma to your brain but you still would not revive until now.  What happened John?”

“I don’t understand Michael.  I’ve been working for the last few weeks. We solved the Eli Bennett case so I decided to go home. I stopped by the diner to pick up something to eat and went home.  I had a package from Mrs. Williamson when I arrived and took it up to my room.  I’ve been at work for the past few weeks.”

“John there was no package in your room. I’ll check with Roxie about the package but you have not been at work for the past few weeks.  You have been in the hospital.”

The neurosurgeon interrupts the two brothers and orders John to radiology for some scans. The orderly takes him out and the doctors confer.  Something happened to John to cause this but they are still not sure what it is. John returns and the neurosurgeon reviews the scans.  No brain damage, no anomalies and nothing to account for John’s coma. He concludes that his services are no longer needed and leaves John in the care of his brother and the psychiatrist.  

They talk with John about the last few weeks and then Michael determines that he needs to contact Roxie Balsam about this package that John asserts that he received.  Roxie states that John did not receive a package from anyone and she would have remembered because she has everyone sign for any and all packages so that they can’t say that they didn’t receive something sent to them.  She checked her files for that day and days after and there was not a package for John McBain.  Michael even calls Layla Williamson and asks her if her mother sent a package to John.  Layla didn’t know but calls her mother and asks and her mother was indignant saying that she wouldn’t give John McBain the time of day.  Michael was even more confused now.  How can John think that Mrs. Williamson sent a package to him and what did John believe was in the package?

Sitting in John’s room Michael and Dr. Crosby, the psychiatrist, ask John what was in the package that he says that he received.  John tells them all that he remembers about receiving the package, reading the letters and the dreams that he had after reading each letter. Michael tells John that he spoke with Roxie and she said that he never received a package and Mrs. Williamson said that she never sent a package to him.

“But how can that be?  I remember it all just like I told you.  Am I going crazy?”

The psychiatrist interjects, “John let’s not diagnose without having all of the information.  Clearly you believe that all of this happened and your brain evidently processed something traumatic enough for you to lapse into a coma.  Let us take this step by step and help you to understand what happened.  I suggest that you talk about what happened directly after solving the Eli Bennett case because it sounds like everything disrupted at that time.”

John tells how sad he was that Evangeline was injured and that Eli Bennett tricked Mrs. Williamson into terminate life support and now Evangeline is dead. John stops talking once he says the word ‘dead’.

“John what is it?  Why did you stop talking?” Michael asked.

“Evangeline’s dead Michael and she’s never coming back.”

“But John she was in the coma for over three years and the prognosis was that she would never recover.”

“But Michael she was still alive and even if she was in a coma she was still alive and there was a chance that she might recover from the coma.  She’s gone forever now.”

Before Michael can ask John any more questions Dr. Crosby takes the opportunity to ask about John’s fixation on Evangeline Williamson.

“John why does Evangeline’s death have you so agitated?”

“I always held out hope that she would recover and come home.”

Dr. Crosby looked at John and Michael and said, “John it appears that Evangeline Williamson’s death and the knowledge that she will never return is the traumatic event that caused your collapse and subsequent coma.”

“But why now Dr. Crosby?  John and Evangeline haven’t been together for years and with her in a coma for the last three years why would her death now have such a drastic effect on John?”

“Because Evangeline Williamson means more to your brother than even he knew.  The loss of her triggered in his brain something unusual.  Although she may have been absent physically for all of these years she was still alive and, even more importantly, alive in his mind. Closing the case of the man responsible for her death finalized her death in his mind and the pain of that closure was too much for him to bear so his brain shut down.”

“Gee John I didn’t know that Evangeline meant that much to you!”

John doesn’t respond to Michael’s statement.  He too had no idea that Evangeline meant that much to him.  Nothing like this happened to him when Caitlin died and he thought that she was the love of his life.  

Dr. Crosby uses John silence as a segue to the following, “John why don’t you and I schedule some sessions so that you can sort your way through what has happened to you.  I am sure that you will need medical approval to return to work so let’s use this time to come to some understanding as to why this happened and to sort out these dreams that you were having.  They have some significance and I think that together we can determine their meanings.”

Michael looks at John for some reaction and John just nods his head.  He doesn’t know what to say but he does know that he wants to resolve this matter in his head and in his heart.

/

John spends several sessions with Dr. Crosby before the solution and cause manifests itself.  It seems that out of all of the women with whom John had some type of relationship, Evangeline Williamson, was the one woman who made a definite mark on John’s psyche and heart. All of those ‘issues’ that kept him bogged down for all of those years, the deaths of his father and fiancé and his involvement in the supposed death of Christian Vega, did not allow either his brain or his heart to recognize Evangeline’s importance to him.  By the time that he resolved those old issues she was lost to him, both through her relationship with another man and through her coma.  

The scenarios in the dreams were evidence of the ‘unfinished’ business that John had with Evangeline.  In that he never took the opportunity to resolve these matters with her while she was alive once it clicked in his brain that she was dead and never returning his brain shut off and decided to ‘finish’ what John never did in the physical realm. John still wondered why in the last dream Evangeline told him that he was running out of time, Dr. Crosby surmised that his brain knew that John would soon regain consciousness and then he would have no more time in the ‘dream world’.  Fortunately Dr. Crosby assured John that although what happened did appear to be a drastic reaction, the body is an amazing thing, especially the brain, and it has it’s own way of fixing itself.  Losing Evangeline was something that was broken in John and his body designed it’s own solution to that problem.  Dr. Crosby was confident that John would not experience any side effects from the coma and approved John’s return to work.

/

John was back at work and once again into the thick of things.  Cases, court, trainings and meetings took up his hours in the day.  He still found time to go the gym and to boxing at Rourke’s.  Michael was still a little concerned and made a point to invite John to dinner at least once every other month.  John didn’t talk about what happened with anyone. All that the job knew was that he had some trauma but that now everything was resolved.  The other officers were glad to have him back and he was glad to be back.

After the sessions with Dr. Crosby, John realized that everything that happened was all his doing and in his mind.  Nothing was real but he was glad anyway because even though he never got the chance to say all of those things to Evangeline in person somehow he felt that since he said them in his mind that at least was better than nothing.  So now when he thinks about Evangeline he doesn’t feel as sad because he finally worked his way through all of the guilt that he felt because of how he treated her.

So with that knowledge John goes on with his life.  He still doesn’t have a significant other but he does have his memories.  And whenever he wants to reminisce all he as to do is dream.  That is something that John decided not to share with anyone, not Dr. Crosby, not Michael and not with anyone.  He doesn’t want to let it go so he doesn’t.

“So you decided to come back.  I am surprised.  I didn’t think that I would ever see you again.”

“I lost you once I’m not willing to do it again.  And if this is the only way that we can be together then so be it.  I’d rather have you this way than to not have you at all.”

“So what do you want to do now John?”

“Whatever you want to do Evangeline.  I am all yours.”

THE END

A/N:  I know it’s a bit ‘out there’ but I like it.  Thnx for sticking with it until the end.  Leave a review.