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Overcoming our Past

Chapter 3

Days in here feel like weeks and the weeks feel like years.  I have to deal with this for the rest of my life.  The scenery inside this place doesn’t change from day to day and I have to force myself not to despair.  But whom can I blame for my situation?  Would you laugh if I said that the authorities here told me that they did me a favor by not putting me in the general population?  When word spread of my conviction several of the prisoners cheered.  When they learned that I would serve my time in this facility there arose a betting pool on how long I would survive before I met with some unfortunate ‘accident’.

What’s that they say about jail, ‘three meals and a cot’?  I know enough not to cause any trouble.  I do what I’m told and keep quiet.  The days are hard enough but the nights are worse.  At least during the day I have chores to keep my mind busy but during the night my thoughts go wild.  I can’t help but think about my family and friends.

Although most days I can handle whatever the prison staff ‘throws my way’ but visiting days are hard.  The first time that Margie visited me she came alone.  She wanted to see how I was before she brought the children with her.  During that first visit with her I could see how all of this has worn hard on her.  Don’t get me wrong, she remains a beautiful woman and looks much younger than her age but I could see that the sparkle in her eyes seemed a bit dimmer.  Her smile was there but it also seemed a bit off.  I told her not to give a brave face for me.  She replied that she wasn’t.  She was giving the brave face for those who were observing us.  She would not give them the satisfaction to think that we are defeated.  She told me that at this time we may be ‘bowed down’ but we are not ‘defeated’.  She wants to mount an appeal of the conviction but I convinced her not to do that.  It is over and I’m willing to serve my time.  Who knows I might even get paroled.  Margie’s not happy with my decision but she will support me in it.

The next time that she visits she brings the twins, Richard and Nicole.  They spend most of the time telling me about what they’re doing in school and in their extracurricular activities.  After that they ask me what I do during the day.  Soon I can tell that they are distressed because their bottom lips start to quiver and tears pool in their eyes but they do not cry.  They each take one of my hands and say,

“Daddy, we love you.  We are proud that you are our father.  We will be strong.  We are Gibbses.  We’re made of strong stuff.”

They sound like their mother.  I have to look away to keep myself from crying.  Here these two children are trying to be strong for me so how can I do any less?  Margie did tell me that some time ago some of their classmates hassled them about their ‘jailbird father’ but the school administrators quickly put a stop to that.  The parents of the children even had their children to apologize to Richard and Nicole.  Before that time Margie was ready to pull the twins out of the school and home school them but they had made so many friends there and their friends supported them.  Once that one incident was handled there were no others.

Not everything worked out so well for my friends at NCIS.  TPTB (the powers that be) didn’t fire anyone but they didn’t exactly make it easy for any of them to stay:

-Director Vance decided to retire.  But he wasn’t’ without work for long.  Several private companies offered him jobs eager to make use of his expertise and connections in the Beltway.  He’s now an executive in one such company and doesn’t miss NCIS at all;

-Dr. Mallard retired and moved to New York City to continue writing books;

-McGee accepted a job in Silicon Valley and he, Delilah and the twins moved west;

-Torres was transferred to Rota, Spain;

-Bishop agreed to a transfer and joined Torres in Spain;

-Palmer stayed on as Medical Examiner after Dr. Mallard convinced him to carry on the legacy of great work done by ‘Gibbs and Team’; and

-Abby resigned and moved to England with Reeves, who returned to his duties at MI-6.  The authorities at MI-6 wasted no time in convincing Abby to join their forensics department.

Margie remains with the CIA.  She weathered the stares and whispers and carries on her work.  She knows that as soon as my story becomes ‘old news’ that people will find something else to talk about.  She says that although people in her building work in the ‘intelligence’ community they are not always ‘intelligent’.

It’s hard.  I won’t lie.  Seeing Margie and knowing that she will leave and go home with the children and I’m left alone here.  Maybe it would be better if she didn’t visit me.  Maybe they can transfer me somewhere far away.  I have years to stay in this place.  My children will be adults before I see the outside again, if ever.  They’ll probably have children of their own.  How do I handle this?  How do I survive this?  I don’t know but I have to.