“I GOTTA GO! LET ME GO!” 

    “Go where Gammy?” The small fragile woman was balling, big fat tears springing up like a well down her cheeks and she wasn’t focused on anybody or anything in particular. 

    “I GOTTA GO!” 

    “Mama!” The girls yelled and soon the woman came running into the room. 

    “What’s goin on?”

    “She keep talkin bout she gotta go.”

    “Momma? Momma!” The woman knelt in front of her and took her face in her hands. 

    “Momma where you gotta go?’ 

    “I gotta go! He waitin for me! I gotta go!” 

    “Go where Momma?” The woman cried hysterically, body trembling like a leaf. Since being housebound, she’d only grown weaker and she had lost weight at an alarming rate. Combined with the fact that she had stopped eating all together things weren’t looking good for their Gammy. All of it brought tears to Tani’s eyes. 

    “Momma, you can’t go…”

    “Why can’t I? I say I’m goin! Now git outta my way now!” She tried to get up but her legs and arms were too weak and she laid on the side of the bed, tears starting up again. Their Mama slowly stood. 

    “Saffron, Kotani, leave me and your Gammy for a moment. Please.”  They didn’t say a word and left, their feet carrying them up the attic stairs. 

    “This can’t be happening.”

    “Who you think she talkin bout?”

    “Who else but June Bug Fronnie?” Fronnie worried her lip with bites and sadly glanced towards the journal. 

    “Kotani.” 

    “What?”

    “I…I think Gammy’s dyin.” 

    “Don’t say that Saffron! Don’t you dare!”

    “Ignoring the truth only gon hurt worse!” Tani’s tears bubbled over and she started to cry. 

    “I…I don’t want her to d-die Fronnie.” 

    “I don’t either lil sis. I don’t either.” The oldest girl pulled her baby sister into her arms. 

    “Ignoring it ain’t gon do us a bit of good.” Tani just sniffed, no words. 

    “Don’t you think it’s time she really got the happiness she deserves?” 

    “What do you mean?” Fronnie stared at the journal this time, with conviction. 

    “Death might take her away from us but it’ll bring her to the one she really wants to be with… it’s time that Gammy is allowed to truly be free.” 

    “But…but…”

    “I think she deserves to finally be with the man she loves more than anything. She’s lived so long without him. Don’t you think it’s right?” Tani lifted hands to wipe away her tears. 

    “Yeah…yeah she does deserve it. She deserved to be with him all along.” 

    “Right.” Down below, they could hear their Mama pleading with their Gammy and the woman replying with cries, long sorrowful cries. The sounds drifted up through the floorboards and the two girls plopped down onto their blankets, their fort still up standing strong. 

    “Right.” 

*** 

    “Where we goin now?” Hands covered her eyes and she was being led somewhere she had no clue where. 

    “What I tell you bout askin questions? Keep them feet movin.”

    “Joon Ion-”

    “You don’t what? Trust me?” His lips tickled her ear and she bit her lips in a smile. 

    “That hurts mighty bad Kira girl. After all we been through tagether.”

    “I wasn’t gon say that.” Those same lips kissed her ear and smiled against it. 

    “Good. You’re almost there.” Her other senses had taken over what with sight being forced outta the picture. She could smell a certain freshness, one she’d never experienced before. Her ears picked up the sound of somethin crashing against something else. It sounded like lightning. 

    “You ever been to a beach darlin?” His voice asked her, hands still up around her eyes. 

    “A beach? What’s a beach?” 

    “Some place where they say dreams can come true if you wish em hard enough.”

    “That right?” He pulled his hands away from her eyes and took in her bewildered expression. So many emotions hit her at once and it was truly a pleasure to watch each and every one take over her face.

    “Is that… is that the sea?”

    “Yes tis darlin.”

    “It’s so… so pretty.” 

    “Well then, let’s get you a closer look then shall we?”

    “Wait I don’t wanna-” But he’d already hoisted her up across his shoulder and drug her down to the shore. Sitting her down on the tree said to have washed up ashore once a seed from a mysterious place, he grinned as he knelt before her. 

    “What are you up to Jung Chanjoon?” 

    “Nothin.”

    “Don’t tell tales.”  

    “A’righ then. I am up ta somethin.”

    “Yeah and what is that somethin?” His grin grew deeper. 

    “Close your eyes sweetheart.” She pursed her lips but slowly closed her eyes. She could hear the water crashing up onto the bank, the coldness it promised. Goose pimples prickled across her skin and she could start to hear her heart pulse in her ears. 

    “A’right now. Open em.” Gripping her fingers together tightly, she opened her eyes and brought them downward, only to have her heart near stop.  He held a small burgundy box and it was open, showcasing a ring she’d never in a million years dream of wearing. It was too elegant, too delicate. 

    “J-Joon w-what are you d-doin?” 

    “I’ve wanted to do this for a long while now. And now, with your Daddy’s blessin I can.” Nervously fiddling her fingers, she licked her lips, trying to blame it on the arid sea air. 

    “I’ve been so many things to you in the time we’ve known each other…but I wanna add one more. I wanna be more than just your man Kira. I wanna be your husband and I want you to be my wife.” Her eyes began to fill with tears and she gently lifted her hand to press it against his cheek. 

    “I know we gotta hard road ahead sweetheart. But hard don’t scare me and you’re worth it.” Sniffing, she gently touched the delicate opal, surrounded by tiny little diamonds.

    “I’ve never wanted anythin as bad as I want you.” Her cheeks flushed and she bit her lip before she finally spoke. 

    “Lily told me that we were meant to be together. Angrily, I told her that in this world… in this life that it couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t happen.” She lifted eyes to his. 

    “But I was foolish then. Foolish to want a life where I’d suffer for the sake of being safe… being uncomplicated.” Gathering up her breath, she outstretched her hand, enjoying the rare sight of his cheeks growing pink. 

    “I’ll marry you Joon.”  He was on her like a frog on a lily pad and the force of him smashin into her knocked her clean off that tree stump into the sand. The two began to laugh and she wrapped arms around him as he pressed his face against her chest. 

    “I love you Kira girl.” Giggling, she kissed his forehead and down his nose. 

    “I love you too you silly man.” Lifting his face, she easily pressed her lips against his, sighing against his mouth in contentment. Soft and sweet. Grinning, he lifted up and she let him put that pretty gem on her finger.

    “It’s… it’s so darned pretty. My goodness.” 

    “Not as pretty as you.” She snapped her gaze down to his to find he was lifting her foot out of her heels. 

    “Aw nawl you ain’t. I ain’t gettin in that cold ice water!” 

    “At least put ya feet in it.” Damn those beautifully enticing moon eyes he had. She reckoned they’d tempt her to do somethin awfully bad. His hands slipped up her legs and disappeared underneath her dress. Her breath climbed as he came to grab her hips, bringing her closer to him.  She didn’t much protest, fingers coming to slip around his neck. He began to pull her stockings down, taking his sweet time, stopping to caress the smooth soft skin. Finally at her feet, she gently stepped out of them, leaning down to kiss him.  He kicked off his shoes and socks and lifted her up into his arms. Laughter drifted across the air waves like sea breeze and screams soon followed. 

*** 

    Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight

August 

    Two hands clutched each other as they walked up into the massive courthouse. She’d tried to calm herself several times over but still she couldn’t quite shake the anxious feeling. 

    “S’right sweetheart. We’ll be just fine.” June Bug reassured her, giving her a confident smile. 

    “W-what if… what if he tell us no? Then what?”

    “We not gon even think that.” Stopping on the second to the last step, he took her small face in his big warm hands. 

    “It don’t matter what he say. After today, you’ll be my wife and I don’t need no white man to tell me so.” She reached up to grip his wrists. 

    “Joon,”

    “Breathe now baby. It’ll be just fine. We’ll be jus’ fine.” Kissing her, he took her hand. 

    “Now let’s go an get married hm?” She nodded, taking an unsteady breath. Licking her lips, she let him lead her up that last stair and into the building where their lives were set to change forever. 

*** 

    That day I married my best friend. My first love. My first and only lover. He was everything to me and I wouldn’t have traded him for the world. I remember looking at the small paper that had been typewritten. 

***

    On this day August Ninteenth of the year Our Dear Lord Nineteen Hundred and Thirty Eight an Oriental by the name of Mr. Chanjoon Jung has wed a Negro woman by the name of Kira Burnett. Recognized by the State of Chicago, they are now pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Chanjoon Jung. 

*** 

    I read it over and over and over again, somehow expecting it to be ripped away from me, the truth evident within snatched away like a child from their mother. And yet it felt real in between my fingers. I can still smell the fresh ink, still drying on the parchment. I was now Mr. Chanjoon Jung and it felt mighty good to see it on paper. But even more so, it felt good to say it.             

On our train ride back to Georgia, we held hands as we sat in the rail section. For the first time, as much as our public display of affection rattled my nerves… it also increased the love I felt for him. Every time his thumb swiped the back of my hand, I felt my heart flutter.     

        Laying my head against his shoulder, I closed my eyes to the whispers and blatant staring. If they didn’t understand love could exist in more than black and white then that was their loss. It wasn’t my job to make them understand. For the man who held me was the love of my life… in this one and the next. 

*** 

    “I wonder if Gam kept their marriage certificate.” 

    “It’s gotta be here somewhere.” 

    “Wanna look for it?”

    “We might as well since we up here.” Laying the journal down carefully on the blanket, the two got up and got searchin through the old dusty trunks and totes. 

    “I got somethin!” 

    “What is it?”

    “It’s a dress!” Fronnie eagerly skirted over to her sister who held up the aged lace dress. The chiffon was still pristine otherwise outside of the aging browning lace that made up the shoulders. 

    “That’s pretty.”

    “Yeah it is!”

    “You think it’s a weddin dress?”

    “I think so. But in the pictures she took with granddaddy, she wasn’t in a dress like this.”

    “That mean…” The two looked at each other. 

    “June Bug.”  Grinning, they began to rummage through that same particular tote before they pulled out another photo book. Flipping through it, they saw pictures of their Gam and June Bug, in moments of play, dance, laughter, movement and stillness. Tani caught one and pointed to it, cheeks red. Their Gam appeared to have been taken by surprise while holding a small bottle of nail polish dressed in a pale pink teddy. A shirtless June Bug had took hold of her foot and appeared to be blowing her toes. 

    “Cute. Real cute.”

    “Y-you think so?” Fronnie grinned and continued to flip through the pictures. One caught her eye and she paused. June Bug stood nice and tall and this time he wasn’t smiling. His expression held the utmost seriousness and the intensity from his gaze seemed to travel through the photo. He stood, hands pressed at his sides, clothed in what appeared to be an U.S Army uniform.

    “What’s that Fronnie?” 

    “Some pic of Gam cookin.” She lied, quickly turning to another picture. 

    “I’m lookin through and I don’t see their certificate. Not even any pictures of their weddin day. You see any?”

    “Nope not yet.” Tani pouted. Putting the albums back in the tote, she let Tani walk ahead of her first. Somethin told her that these happy moments between their Gam and Joon were about to be cut real short and she wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. 

*** 

    “Kira, oh my gawd… lookit yourself.” Swallowing hard, she slowly turned. Even in the cloudy quality of the mirror, she could see herself near perfect and it took her breath away. She stood in a floor length white chiffon dress, sheer lace sleeves covering her shoulders. Adorned in her braided up hair were gorgeous white magnolias, the smell intoxicating. Small white heels and to top it all off, dainty little white lace gloves completed the look. She wore a long string of her mama’s pearls. One of the only nice things Mama owned. Taking herself in, she felt her eyes well up with tears and turned to find Lily and her Mama both bouta cry. 

    “My lil gal all growed up and gettin married.” 

    “You look simply gawjuss Kira.” Lily said, dapping the corners of her eyes. 

    “T-Thank you.” 

    “Joon is gonna lose his eyeballs he sees you in that dress gal.” Blushing, she couldn’t help but giggle. 

    “You think?”

    “Any red blooded man would!” Smiling demurely, she glanced over herself again, still not quite over how pretty she looked. She was the one who was never supposed to get married, her color supposed to have prevented her from finding a man. Feeling a laugh bubble up in her stomach, it trickled out through her lips and she began to shake as it kept comin up. Lily and her Mama both looked at her like she’d gone plum fool crazy but she ain’t care. 

    “Kira girl what don got into you?” She laughed so hard she couldn’t answer and Lily hit her on the shoulder, making her gasp. 

    “Girl quit. You scarin us now.” Biting her lip, she took a deep sigh before smilin. 

    “I was jus’ thankin bout all them high yella heifas who told me I’d die alone, black and ugly. Told me no Negro with sense would marry me, told me he would have to be pressed to even think bout it.” 

    “Kira!” Their mama exclaimed, though even she couldn’t keep that small humored grin from slippin up across her face. 

    “I’m sorry Mama but that’s what they was. Heifas. Big ol fat ugly heifas.” Her mama  grinned and to their surprise, spoke just as haughtily. 

    “Little do they know you ain’t marryin a no good film eyed fat bellied nigger huh? You got you a big strong fine June Bug.” The two sisters grew speechless, gripping each other tight as their mama’s grin turned into laughter. 

    “What? Y’all got y’all fire from me and don’t y’all forget it.” Brown grey looked into grey and two sets of lips grinned. 

    “Yes ma’am.” 

*** 

    The nervousness sat like a balloon in the middle of my stomach and it would not let go. I didn’t think I had ever been so nervous in my entire life. There up ahead of me, so close within reach was my June Bug… my one and everything. The sight of him took my breath away and I think I forgot how to breathe. He kept it simple… kept it him. A white cotton shirt and set of trousers. His mama musta combed his hair cause it laid just right, not a hair outta place. Smiling to myself, I remember thinking with adoration that now it was my turn to assure his sometimes unruly hair stayed together.  

    Reverend Jones stood up ahead, clutching his bible tight to him. Only a few people sat down in the chairs that had been brought from church. I recognized some of the church members, girls who I’d grown up with now women… some with husbands of their own and babies. The old Mothers sat in the front, dressed all in white. There sat Dipp and Scat with their parents and Frog and his parents. I took a deep breath and clutched my Papa’s arm. Today was the day that the little darkie girl became a woman. Slowly my Papa began to bring me closer and closer to the man who held my entire life in his hands.

*** 

    Holding tight to his hands, she felt tears come to her eyes. 

    “Do you, Kira Burnett, take this here man to be ya husband? Through thick and thin, through sickness and health till death do ya part?” Reverend Jones asked, gap toothed smile growing wide at the love he saw before him. 

    “I do Reverend.” Lookin like a proud father, he turned eyes onto Joon. 

    “Do you, Chanjoon Jung, take this here woman to be ya wife? Through thick and thin, through sickness and health till death do ya part?” He lifted her hands and kissed them. 

    “I do Reverend.” 

    “By the power vested in me and in the eyes of our Holy Lord, I pronounce y’all husband and wife. Kiss ya bride son.” Grinning, he pulled her in for a smooch that made her see stars. 

    “LET THE GIRL BREATHE NOW JOON!” 

    “ATTA BOY!” Letting her up for air, he laughed against her as she tried to regain her breath. She couldn’t help but laugh and hit him on the chest. 

    “It’s time to eat now! Bride and Groom come with me!” Her Mama said with a smile, reaching for their hands. Leading them to a small table, she told them to sit and sit they did. She watched as Lily, their mamas and some of the Mothers rushed into the house and brought out enough food to feed a whole town. 

    “Mama we can’t eat alla this.” She said with a demure blush as the other women began to set up on on another table right next to them. 

    “Hush now. This yo weddin and I ain’t hearin none of it.” June Bug grinned as he glanced at her, squeezing her hand. 

    “Lookit yo mama Joon… what kinda cake is that she bringin out?”

    “Three layer.” He answered, grin deepening. 

    “Oh Gawd…that gotta be the biggest cake I don ever seen.”

    “You ain’t tasted it yet. You gon be glad it’s three of em.” 

    “If any of you menfolk drop any of this here food y’all gon be buried in this here backyard. We got plenty of it!” Lily threatened as she stood at the door, watchin as some of the men helped carry the heavier stuff out to the table. 

    “Joon what we don did?” She asked, incredulous expression on her face. 

    “Seems we don made this small ol town of Smyrna happy darlin.” 

*** 

    I never ate that much a day in my life but all of it was so good. I can still taste it all these years later. Even June Bug’s mama’s three layer cake. We shared our first drink together and when the church folks left, the party really began. A local band came and played all the hottest swing and rag. We danced well into the night and I was on a high. Body lost in between the solid warm arms of my new husband, head swimming with the alcohol my tongue suddenly wanted more of. I felt a happiness I never thought I could. A happiness I haven’t felt since. 

*** 

    “They look happy.” Eyes watched as the young pair continued to dance in the quiet night. The band had gone home, the other folks who had attended had gone home long before dark. But they still twirled around almost dreamily in soft lazy circles. The flowers that had been braided into Kira’s hair still held up and they could smell the fragrance from the porch. 

    “Don’t they remind you of us Jim?” 

    “Yeah when we was youngins.”

    “Sneakin kisses in between our two plantations when the moon was high.” Tommasina smiled and lifted an arm to wrap around her husband’s. 

    “Somethin that coulda got us plain kilt.”

    “But wasn’t it worth it?” Pressing her face against his arm, she nodded. 

    “Shol was.” 

    “Come on now Tommie girl. Let’s show them kids we still got it.” Giggling quite girlishly, the woman let her man pull her out into the dimly lit grasses and soon the two began to dance, bringing a surprised smile to the newly married couple. When the imaginary music finally stopped, the two pairs came to a stop. 

    “You’ll stay here tonight now won’t you?” Looking up into the stern but warm eyes of James Burnett Sr. Joon could only smile some. 

    “Yessuh. If y’all have me.”

    “Of course now don’t be silly! Lily, Mama and I sleep in the main room. Y’all sleep in the girls’ room.” Kira blushed and clutched her dress behind her. 

    “P-Papa we wouldn’t feel right puttin all y’all out into the great room now. It ain’t right.”

    “Husband and wife should sleep together and that’s all that’s to it. I ain’t hearin nothin else outta you bout it. Joon’ll stay here and he’ll be with you.” She lowered her head with a nod and he straightened his back as the man cleared his throat. 

    “Kira, why don’t you take Mama in the house and get ready for bed now. Y’all got busy days tomorrow. Joon, you work tomorrow right?”

    “Yessuh.”

    “Right.” Turning to his wife, he kissed her cheek. 

    “I’ll be in rightaway honey. Gon in.” The two women soon left the men outside. 

    “Gotta smoke?”

    “Sure.” Lifting one to his lips, Joon handed another to James, lighting them both. 

    “It ain’t a cigar but it’ll do huh?” He chuckled, licking his lips. 

    “Yessuh. It’ll do mighty fine.” The two men stood quietly for a while before James spoke. 

    “Jimmy was here.” That got Joon’s attention and he turned to glance at him. 

    “You think so?” 

    “I know so. I felt it.” Eyes finding the stars that twinkled bright in the sky, he uttered a quiet reflective ‘hm’. 

    “It ruffled somma them gals dresses when they danced and made Kira’s eyes glow when she drank somma that wine.” Smiling to himself, he listened on as James continued, 

    “Jim woulda been happy here today. Seein his best friend get hitched. Seein his baby sista happy.”

    “I think so too.”

    “He was definitely here and I reckon he’ll remain here until y’all consummate.” At that, Joon coughed, smoke traveling down the wrong pipe. Grinning, the man hit his back until he finally caught his breath. 

    “Now now. It’s a’right to talk about it.” 

    “S-Suh?” He wheezed, inhaling the air in deep lungfuls. 

    “You a married man now and Kira ain’t no lil girl no mo.” He stood up straighter and slowly brought the cigarette to his lips. 

    “I trust you’ll make her journey into womanhood pleasant.” He wanted to chuckle but decided against that.

    “Yessuh. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

    “Good man then.” They fell once again into quietness. 

    “Jim was right to trust you.” Clapping his shoulder, he was left alone on the porch. Every day he took in the bittersweet Georgia air, he vowed that he’d make Jimmy proud. It was a promise he’d keep until the day he left this earth.