“I wanna go to the sea.” 

    “The sea Gammy?”

    “Yeah.” The girls sat with her in the sitting room, the outside just a fingertip away. It teased and taunted with each wisp of wind that cut through the beautiful weeping willow trees. 

    “Gam, we can-”

    “We’ll do it Gammy.” Tani incredulously eyed her sister who dared her to say somethin back. She bit the inside of her cheek and glanced at Gam who in the past few days had only started to grow weaker, her beautiful dark brown skin now grey. 

    “Thank you Fronnie baby. Doin this for ya old Gam.” Fronnie smiled prettily and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

    “Sit tight okay? We be right back.” Pulling on her arm, she yanked her inside the house and hastily shut the door. 

    “Saffron, have you lost yo mind? How we gon get Gam to the sea?”

    “Simple. We’ll take her to the beach.”

    “Mama gon kill us!”

    “It’s Gammy’s dyin wish!” Saffron yelled at her, making her shut up. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears but she continued, voice set with conviction. 

    “We owe that to her Kotani. We owe her for every sacrifice she’s ever made for us.” She bit her lips but didn’t say anything. Fronnie was right and as much as she hated it, she couldn’t deny it anymore. Gam was gonna die. She gave up the fight with a deep sigh, knowing that Fronnie was stubborn and when her mind was made up, there was no talkin her down. 

    “Fine…” Fronnie swallowed thickly. 

    “The quicker we get her there and get her home the better. If we hurry, Mama’ll never know. If she does, I’ll take the blame.”

    “We both will.” She added, turning her eyes back towards the sitting room. 

    “Okay, I’ll call a taxi and get that together.”

    “Alright.” In the meantime, she went into their bedroom and grabbed the journal. It’d been a little while since either one of them had read any of it, trying to process June Bug’s leaving. Opening it, she found a small stack of letters tucked neatly in between the pages. 

    “TANI COME ON! It’s here!” Jumping, she grabbed the letters and journal and scrurried out towards the door. Her heart fluttered as she took sight of her Gam. She’d had Fronnie braid her hair and she wore a beautiful blue and white patterned dress with some flat white shoes. 

    “Ready Gam?”

    “I ready Tangie girl.” Each taking a hand, they grabbed tight to their Gam and quickly got her into the car. 

*** 

    When Kira dreamt of June Bug now, he was closer than he’d ever been before. He would stand right next to her and look down at her, expression unreadable.

    “J-June Bug?” He would have his hands in his pockets and seemed to observe her, from head to toe. 

    “What you doin here? I tol you I was comin.” At that, he’d just smile and the sight made her heart flutter. 

    “I figured I come and get you.” 

    “I ain’t need you to.” There, that beautiful chilling stare of observation. She’d feel like he was looking straight through her. 

    “Your hair so pretty darlin. Like a silvah moon.”

    “Oh…” Like a girl, her cheeks would grow warm. 

    “I don got old June Bug. Old and grey.” His laugh would send chills up and down her spine and her eyes would water. She missed his laugh so much. His whole body would shake from the joy traveling through him. He’d come even closer and lean forward some, hair fallin into his eyes. 

    “You jus as beautiful as the day you was born Kira Jung. Such a gorgeous lil gal you is.” Her cheeks would grow in intensity and she desperately wished she could touch him. 

    “You will. Soon.” He would say as if he read her thoughts. His eyes would be a shiny mysterious obsidian and his lips always curved up into a smile.

    To her surprise, he’d do somethin he’d never done. He’d climb into the bed and lay beside her, wrapping arms around her. His arms felt solid and heavy each and every time and the scent of sandalwood and myrrh would flood her nostrils. He smelt warm like the woods, like a sweet Georgia day in the summer. When she’d wake up, tears stained her pillow and the warm arms were gone.

***

Nineteen Hundred and Forty One 

Early Spring 

    It was a routine she’d quickly grown to look forward to. After riveting, she’d come home body aching and tired. Sometimes, the mail was empty but when she was lucky enough to find a letter, she gladly snatched it up from the box and ran into the house. This time, she and Lady Luck were on the same side and she ignored the pain in her feet, rushing to the box to retrieve the letter. 

    “Lily!” 

    “Yeah?”

    “Joon sent anotha letter!” The sound of her sister’s feet stomping down the stairwell brought a laugh to her and she’d lift a hand to rub the growing belly of hers. 

    “I’m curious to know what he said. You told him you were with child right?” Blushing prettily, she bit her lip in a smile and nodded. 

    “Okay then hurry up and open it!” The two women went over to the table and sat down as fingers ripped the top off of the letter. Yanking it out of the envelope, eyes greedily fell across the words. 

    1941 

    34th Platoon 

    Dearest Kira, 

    I can’t express in words quite what I feel at your news. It’s a feeling that is hard to explain. On one hand, I feel so much joy that it kinda hurts my chest. But then, it makes me sad that I can’t be there to support you. God… I can only imagine how much more beautiful you are now, belly growing with our child. It’s a good thing I’m not there. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.

Lily chuckled and she felt her cheeks grow hot now. 

    I miss you baby. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you again. Tell Lily Bean to stop teasing you. Hope she’s well. Please give my love to Ma and Pa. My Ma and Pa too. I think about y’all everyday. I gotta wrap this up now darling. Till next time. 

    I love you.

    J 

Smiling to herself, she neatly tucked the letter back inside the envelope. 

    “Okay show’s over. I fix dinner tonight Kira. You been workin all day and I’m sure your feet hurt like a muhfucka.” Lily pressed a kiss to her temple and went to put on her apron. 

    “You needa stop riveting too. That can’t be healthy for you or the baby.” Slipping her hand down, she rubbed her belly, love making her heart full. 

    “Joon’ll have a fit anythin happen to that chile.”

    “Nothin will. I take good care a him while his daddy away.”

    “How you know it’s a boy?” Smiling, she glanced down, lovingly stroking the round bump. 

    “Jus a feelin.” 

    *** 

    Over the months that passed, my belly continued to grow and it brought me joy feeling our child kick and move for the first time. All of these things I would write in my letters, needing him to know just how much I made sure our child knew how much he loved him. I spoke about him all the time. I was grateful for Lily’s presence because the bigger I got, the more I stopped doing… for the sake of the very active child in my womb. It brought a smile to me. Knowing that the unborn child took after his father. I never could explain how I knew it was a boy… just a mother’s intuition I suppose. 

*** 

    Heartbreak. 

*** 

    The girls looked up from the single word written on the paper up to their Gam who seemed to brighten up, the smell of the sea growing closer and closer. 

    “What do you think happened Fronnie?” She whispered, glancing back down at the cryptic entry. There was no date. No introduction. Nothing that resembled Gam’s style. Fronnie didn’t reply, only grabbed hold of Gam’s hand and leaned her head on her shoulder as the driver brought them closer. Sighing, she closed the journal and laid her head in Gammy’s lap, feeling tears well up in her eyes as her fragile fingers lifted to slip through her hair. Heartbreak. It was a feeling that the girls could honestly say they were feeling as they neared their Gam closer and closer to the sea. Glancing up at the aged addled woman, young watery eyes took in the longing that seemed to shimmer in her dull grey eyes and her lips stretched into thin lines, a fragile whisper of a smile. 

    “There he is.”

    “Who Gam?” The taxi soon stopped and the girls tried to wait a very excited anxious Gammy, cursing her no good knees and feet. 

    “Closer. I gotta get closer now.”

    “Wait a minute Gam…” The smell of the water took over their senses and for a moment, even they were transfixed by its simplistic beauty. 

    “Joon….” Fronnie and Tani turned to see their Gam, having sunk down on her knees, arms outstretched. 

    “I made it….I came back jus like you said to.” Happy tears came to the woman’s eyes and as they slipped down her cheeks and she began to hug herself, the girls felt their throats grow heavy with unshed tears. 

*** 

    Fingers took apart the stack of letters, all arranged by date and month. Starting with a random one, young eyes read the words of the man who still very much lived in the heart of their Gam. At least, in her heart, he didn’t know any grief. 

*** 

    September 1941 

    34th Platoon 

    Kira… It really took me a time before I could even…even get to this point. To write. To express my emotions in a way that wouldn’t be seen as reckless or immature. I’m gonna be true like I always been. This courage has come after getting shit faced drunk time and time again. It’s the only… only way I found I could deal with this until now. But I reckon that wouldn’t make you happy… knowin your man turned into a pitiful drunk. 

    I feel like somebody ripped out my heart. Pierced it with a bayonet and sliced it clean through. I can only imagine…. imagine how you feel baby. It was you and you alone who had to go through this shit alone… go through it at all. 

    My sweet darling girl, it kills me that I can’t be there right fucking now. I don’t know how I could help you… but I’d damn sure try. I’ve sat here in this platoon tent time and time again drunk outta my eva lovin mind imaginin just what I’d do. Maybe I’d take your hair down and comb it. Pull you against me some. Massage your tired shoulders. Tell you to give it to me… the weight you womenfolk carry all the damn time for the sake of the ones around you. 

    Fronnie’s eyes had started misting. Gam…Their Gammy must have…. must have miscarried. Somehow or another, her gut told her she was right and it pained her to even breathe. A child made from their love, love in its purest rarest form was taken away from her… from him. But it hurt even more having to vocalize Joon’s pain… his emotional turmoil encased in letter form seemingly forever. 

    Maybe I’d press kisses to your belly, tell you we could always try again… You know I got enough love in me and I know you got enough love in you. But I suppose that might make you cry so I probably wouldn’t say that. Maybe I wouldn’t say anythin at all. Maybe I’d jus listen to you…listen as you spoke, cried and maybe even yelled some. I reckon it would be okay Kira… okay to let out all the pain, all the hurt… everythin. This world is cruel and fucked up. And as much as I increasingly grow tired of it all…. as long as I got you in it…. I’ll choose to live another gawddamn day. 

I love you. 

J 

*** 

“Wow… just…. wow.” Throat tight, Fronnie glanced down and pulled another letter out of the small stack. 

    “Your turn Tani.” Fingers lifting to take it, lips wet from shed tears began to read. 

*** 

     February 1943 

    Dearest Kira, 

    We’ve entered into the Allied territory. Right now, I’m in Paris, France. It’s beautiful here baby. You’d like it. They got loaves of bread that taste jus like butter and their coffee is outta this world. I imagine you’d like the styles the women are wearin this way a lot. I might send you a dress or two home just for the hell of it. I didn’t have too many patients to see today and thankfully, I’ve just been bullshitting around most of the day. The other bastards in our small platoon say hi and they wish you the best. 

    I tell you what, I’m ready for the damn war to be over and done with. I have had about enough of bein away from you, mon cheri, as the locals would say it. I’m ready to teach you all the French I don picked up while here…some of it nice and proper and some of it not. 

The pen stopped, ink fallin off and it brought a teary smile to Tani. He musta been drunk writing this. 

    You probably guessed it. I been drinkin and it ain’t shit. I ain’t shit without you and I’m jus out here missin my sweet lil gal. God…it ain’t too much I’m askin for…just to hol you ‘gain. Maybe even kiss you coupla times a two. I think about you ev’ry night before I go to sleep and see you ev’ry mornin before I open my eyes. And then I remember my reason.. my why. It’s to come home to you. Come home to Big Head Lily… both our Mas and Pas. All y’all. I gotta promise to keep now don’t I? 

    Keep that pretty head a yours up Kira. We’ll make it through this shit. I promise baby.

    J 

    The eyes of the girls watched as their Gam remained kneeling, a big bright smile on her face and eyes closed as she allowed the wind to rustle her hair and dress. For the longest time, the two remained like that and soon, they helped her back to the taxi, the driver nice enough to wait until they finished up. Only when they’d made it back into the car did their Gam start to cry. And this time, her tears weren’t of happiness. But true and utter sorrow. 

*** 

    Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five

February

    “Kira?” Looking up from the letter she was writing, she found Lily standing there by the door. 

    “Yeah?”

    “You a’right?”

    “As right as I’m gonna get I s’ppose. Jus here writin to Joon.”

    “What’d he say in his last letter? You was awfully quiet readin it.” At that, she swallowed and gave a brave smile. 

    “Nothin much… he was talkin bout the guys in the platoon and where they were goin next is all.”

    “Oh.”

    “Yeah…”

    “Well, I’m off to the hospital.”

    “Startin ya shift?”

    “Yeah and Gawd help me it’s gonna be a long one.”

    “Be careful now Lil. That hospital a battlefield all its own.” 

    “Don’t worry bout me. I be jus fine.” Kissing her cheek, she let her sister withdraw from her and when the door to the house was shut, she glanced down at the small stack of letters she’d been reading over from previous years. All to hide the most recent letter from Lily’s prying eyes. Pulling it out from the stack, she drifted soft fingers across the surface of it, a gentle smile on her face. Eyes eager, they read the words that had seemed to engrave themselves onto her heart once again. 

*** 

    January 15, 1945

    They say that the end of the war is approaching. I hope to God it’s true. I’ve done my share of fightin. I’ve done my share of drinkin. Grievin. Even…even cryin. I ain’t ashamed to admit that. I’ve even done my share of killin baby. That I won’t lie to you about. Wars exist outside the safety of the doctors tent and I’ve had to come face to face with them. But I’ve done so like a man… a man you’d be proud of. 

His pen had ended abruptly and she could tell that he’d continued at a later date. 

    They say we are headin toward the Pacific to take out the Japanese. I can’t tell you everythin of course but talks are that after this battle, they’ll surrender. Said we’ve got an ace up our sleeve that’ll knock em clean out. Frankly, I don’t give two shits about that. About the Japanese. About which side is what. All I care about is you. How you doin Kira girl? Be honest with me now. In your letters, you sound like you tryna be positive all the time and optimistic. Which I appreciate. But…it’s somethin I’m not askin you for. How are you. What’s on your mind? What do you think about when you lay your head down at night? Tell me. 

    I’ll tell you what comes across my mind… in my dreams as of late. The series of nights we spent togetha at that lil cottage by the sea. I see it all the time. In my dreams you’re waitin for me there…with a smile…that beautiful ass smile you always wear…and you tell me ‘Come on and sit down now Joon. Breakfast be ready in a bit.’ Sometimes, it turns to night and over and over and over I toss and turn relivin our love makin all through that night. Startin with the beach…how the sand got in your hair…how it stuck to your thighs as they tightened around my hips. I relive it over and over and fuckin over again till I can’t stand it. How beautiful you were…how hard you came… how hard I came. How…how I never wanted it to end. 

    That night…I swear ta Gawd… I felt…like we were given our time back. You and I in that moment were allowed to be selfish and give…take of each other as much as we wanted…without fear, thought or consequence. That’s all I’ve ever fuckin wanted… all I’ve ever asked for. Was just to be with you, left the hell alone. And for a lil while we were. 

Tears had welled up in her eyes but she kept reading. 

    What I’m askin you is to not to tell me that everythin’ll be a’right. I’m not askin you to tell me to smile and push on. What I want from you… what I need is for you to tell me you miss me too. Tell me that you think about me jus as much as I thinka bout you. Tell me you feel empty without me. And I’ll tell you in reply…. I’ll tell you to close ya eyes…take a deep breath, go and get ya keys to the car. I’ll tell ya to get on tha road and drive. Drive to the last place we were… to that lil cottage by the sea. I’ll tell ya to get out, take your shoes off and feel the sand in between ya toes. And turn around. When you do….I’ll be there. Waitin for ya. I’ll…I’ll be there and I’ll take you in my arms. I’ll kiss you really sweet and gentle like… and until you can’t possibly breathe anymore…I’ll fill up all your empty spaces…I’ll make you whole ‘gain. I’ll do it for the both of us…so we can survive. 

    She began to weep, fingers tight on the letter. 

    Make me a promise Kira Jung. Promise me that when you start to miss me…when you start to feel as though you can’t take it any more… go to that cottage. I’ll be there waitin. I’ll be home soon sweetheart. Before you know it, we’ll be togetha ‘gain and we can finally have that family we been wantin. We’ll start over. Give ourselves a second chance. You deserve that. I deserve that. 

    I love you 

    J 

*** 

    The last letter I received from Joon was only five words. Five. It appeared as though he wasn’t in the right space. The right time. Didn’t have time to write everything out the way he wanted to. But those five lines still give me chills to this day. Even still… today when I read them…my heart sinks into my chest. 

    March 3, 1945 

    Kira. 

    I love you. 

    Sorry. 

    *** 

Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five 

3rd of March 

    He’d been right. He’d been right and the confirmation of it made him sick to his stomach. The first time he’d ever been right like this, he’d narrowly saved her from a brutal rape. He’d been 18 and on his way back from the train station. He’d recently started as a waiter on a Pullman train and he knew it was because he was the right color. His features were exotic to the whites and they were intrigued more than anything. A tall built Oriental man with a thick Southern accent stunned them. Everything they said he shouldn’t be he was. Everything they said he shouldn’t have… he did. He wasn’t supposed to be smart but he was, studying in the field of medicine…when he wasn’t working. He wasn’t supposed to be good looking but that didn’t stop the girls from vying for his time. In the city, it was more white than black because the black ones had sense. But in the swirling green and thick trees, brown thighs opened gladly. Right. Back to being right. He’d been heading to his Kira girl’s lot, eager to see her after being away for a year. When he’d left her, she was still a girl though he’d noticed places on her already budding and growing more womanly. He worried. Worried somethin serious for her. 

    “Kira?” He called out, the window to their house open like it always was. Nothin. Hm. 

    “Kira girl…where are you?” Lifting himself up onto the thin wooden planks, he eyed something curious that caught his eye. There by the edge of the door was a piece of clothing…It looked like the head rag she wore at nigh time. Hm. 

    “Where are you at gal?” He asked, peeking into the empty space of the shack. This time, he heard something. It was a brief sharp meep and it sounded muffled. Turning his head towards the sound he came back outside and headed toward the back of the house. It was there that he discovered her dress which was nothing but shreds littered on the grass. 

    “Kira!” A sudden thrashing flashed brown skin up from the grouping of wild tall grasses a little bit away from her house. Shit. He shot towards her, feeling hot, angry and panicked all at once. He shoved the grasses away as he entered the foliage and soon found his Kira girl naked as the day she had been born, arms pinned above her. A large thick necked white man had his trousers down, the cheeks of his ass flat and pink, starting to burn in the sun. 

    “Be still nigger bitch!” He hollered at her, lifting a fist to strike her across the cheek. Her mouth had been gagged with his sweaty stinking shirt. 

    “Get the fuck away from her!” He hissed, coming closer to them. 

    “Wait your turn! I got to her first!” The man shot back, hastily trying to reach for his member. 

    “I said get away from her.” Wrapping an arm around his neck, he forced him to let her go, his need for breath much more important. She struggled to get up but when she did, she ran, leaving them to tousle in the midsummer heat. Lucky for him, the man was weaker than he thought and he knew he’d have to dispose of him in an undisclosed area. Breathing heavily, he’d found a nearby rock and smashed the man’s skull, now certain he was dead. Getting up, he went to go find Kira and when he did, he held her close until her cries grew silent. 

    Now though… now….he couldn’t hold her. He couldn’t do anything but face the fact that this was happening. He knew it was stupid and he knew they shouldn’t have been forced to do it this way. But this was what happened when you listened to pride rather to wisdom and he’d pay the price for it. Closing his eyes, he took a shaky breath and closed his eyes tight. Tears slipped through his eyelids. Kira… 

    “SER! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN!” Opening his eyes, he licked his lips, licking away the salt of his shed emotion. 

    “There’s nothin we can do now… nothin we can do now but die.” 

    “How the fuck did this happen? This wasn’t apart of the plan.”

    “Yes it was. I been tryna tell y’all stupid mothafuckers that. They don’t give a shit about us. Never fuckin did.” He shot back, shoving fingers through his hair. 

    “Well what now Sergeant?”

    “I told you. We leave here we’ll be blown to bits. Look around you. You name me one place there is nearby to find some fuckin water. Name me somewhere we can go to replenish ourselves when our rations run out.” The small group of soldiers grew grim… quiet. 

    “We’re gonna start to die off quicker than you can say molasses.” 

    “Fuck that. I choose how the fuck I wanna die.” One solider pulled out his revolver and lifted a shaky hand to press the barrel of the fun to his temple. 

    “Johnson! Wait! John-” A shot rang out and brain and blood shot out from his body in a mist, shocking the men nearest him.  

    “Johnson…”

    “Shh. Quiet! I hear voices!” They all crouched down in the mud and he lifted the eyehole of his rifle to his visage. Pressing down further into the earth, he lightly pressed his finger against the trigger. Fuck. 10 or so Japanese were on foot and headed straight towards them. 

    “How many do you think you can take out?” He whispered to the guy nearest him. 

    “Maybe two…three.”

    “You?” He asked, addressing the guy to his right.

    “Same.” 

    “Alright. This our chance…our last fucking chance.” Before he could pull the trigger a shot fired and he wasn’t prepared for the blood, brain and bone that sloshed across his face. Gasping, he twisted his body, turning his weapon on five Japanese, all of whom had their own weapons drawn. Fuck. They spoke rapidly and forced some of his comrades up and to the side. But when it came to him, they hesitated. One of them leaned down, clearly not afraid of the gun barrel trained between his eyes. He asked something and it was a question.

    “Japanese?” Still gasping for breath, he forced his tongue across dry lips. 

    “Korean.” He answered, voice somehow steady even though he wanted to throw up. 

    “You are Asian. One of us. Why do you fight for them?” He asked, honestly confused. 

    “Wife.” He kept his answer short and sweet. Honest. The man seemed disgusted at the answer and the confusion bled away, leaving infuriation in its wake. He resumed yelling in Japanese. 

    “Put your gawddamn weapon down or I’ll shoot!” He demanded, tightening his finger on the trigger. The man grinned but soon went down like a blade of grass, hole between his eyes. Turning his weapon, he took two more out before a bullet was fired into his leg, arm and chest. Ridden with pain, he grit his teeth trying to lift his gun one last time but was soon knocked unconscious by a kick to the face. 

*** 

    Kira…

    “Joon…where are you?” The waves of the sea lapped against the shore and in her haste, she hadn’t taken off her hose and now they were completely drenched. 

    “You said….you said you’d be here…” 

    I love you.

    Dried blood caked his temple and his legs felt like they were to give out at any moment, brought on by his severe blood loss. Fresh warm blood soaked his uniform and yet they pushed him further ahead. He lifted his eyes to the swirling trees, eyes not seeing but seeing. 

    Sorry. 

    Jim had appeared in his dream days before. Except he wasn’t as he once remembered. No, instead of those mischievous celadon eyes, gaping fly infested holes stared at him, blood fresh and warm slipping down his cheeks. Instead of speaking lips, teeth, gum and jagged flesh flapped. Even his hair which always seemed to find the wind was no more, the wind now teasing exposed brain and skull. 

    “You failed.” The rotting corpse spoke, Jim’s voice giving him chills. 

    “No…I’m fuckin tryin Jimmy. I…I ain’t done yet.”

    “You promised me you would protect Kira. You promised me you’d protect Lily, Pop and Mama. And you failed. Couldn’t even do that. Fuck you.” 

    “Jim…”

    “Kira deserved better than you, you sorry piece of shit.” 

    *** 

    When he’d awakened, he had been soaked head to toe in sweat and the nightmare had stayed with him, making him refuse to go to sleep. And now… had he been given the opportunity….the chance to write all of what he wanted…. even a lil bit more… it woulda went somethin like this. 

*** 

    Kira. 

    He was shoved and made to stand in a single file line. Eyes blank, they lifted up to the sky, watching emptily as the clouds passed them by. 

    I love you. 

    He heard the shots one by one and the sick thump of warm bodies hitting the ground. 

    “Kira…” He heard a pistol being cocked. 

    “Kira girl…” 

    Make me another promise right now. 

    The barrel of the weapon was pressed to the back of his head. 

    Promise me that you’ll live on. Promise me that you’ll get married ‘gain…have a coupla babies…live till you good and ole. Promise me that you’ll learn to be happy again. Do that for me. 

    Tears began to fall down his cheeks and his empty eyes stared at the sky for a moment longer. 

    “I love you Kira…I love-” A shot rang out and when his body fell to the ground, a mixture of sweat, blood and tears soaked into the ground. 

*** 

    “Kira…there’s…there’s some men standin outside. Military uniform.” 

        To the love of my life…Chanjoon Jung, 

    I’ll say it. I’ll say it as many times as you wanna hear it. I do miss you. I want you with everythin in me my sweet man.

    “How can I help you gentlemen?” She asked, smiling warmly at them. But, at the stoic expressions on their faces, her smile soon faded. 

    I…I haven’t said anythin cause…well…I wasn’t sure that was what you needed. But since you wantin me to be honest an all then fine. The day you left me at the train station…a part of me went with you. 

    “Are you Mrs. Kira Jung?” 

    “Yes. I am.” 

    “May we come inside for a moment ma’am? We won’t be long.” 

    “Sure. Lil, pour up some iced tea.”

    “That won’t be necessary ma’am. Really. We won’t be long.” 

    When our baby died, a part of me died with it. He was gettin to be so strong just like his daddy. And yet…for whatever reason God decided it wasn’t his time… wasn’t our time. 

    “Ma’am… we regret to inform you that Mr. Chanjoon Jung died in action on March 3rd, of this year Nineteen Hundred and Forty Five.” 

    But, you bein strong for me…for us still. So… I gotta be strong for you too don’t I? Of course…of course I miss you….words can’t explain how much. They wouldn’t do justice to how many nights I’ve laid in our bed clingin to the smell of you still in your damn pillah…tears soakin through. How…how many times I’ll put on onea your shirts, knowin darn well it’s too big on me but oh how it smell like you…how it gives me hope. 

    A loud cry of anguish rang out but it sounded more like a scream. She wasn’t sure…wasn’t aware a sound like that could come out of her but it did and soon, her eyes were blinded by a barrage of tears, too fat and heavy to control. 

    “Kira, what’s wrong?!” Lily had rushed in from the kitchen and when she looked at her sister crumpled up on the couch, pieces of her heart and soul breaking bit by bit she just…she knew. 

    I’ll cling to you…make it so you’ll neva part from me. I’ll squeeze ya real tight and welcome you in as always sugah…only with the promise that you’ll neva leave…stay inside forevah. Forevah and then some. My sweet sweet man. My June Bug. 

    “These are his belongings that were retrieved along with his uniform. We are so sorry for your loss ma’am.” Standing up, they stood at attention and gave a firm yet solemn salute before leaving her, door closed gingerly behind them. Another scream wretched itself from her belly and she hugged his uniform to her chest, a wet spot of her tears spreading through the fabric, turning it an even darker green. Lily too had begun to sob, pressing her face against her. 

    First thing I’ll do when you come home is cook you a big dinnah, get Mama and Papa up here…your Mama and Papa too…Frog, Dipp and Scat…all them. We have us a big feast here at the house. And then…while the night is young and we is too… we gon dance till we can’t no mo. Let me do that for you at least. Run you a bath, let you tell me all about everythang. And then… then you can have me. Whatever way you want sugah I promise. I’ll let your love fill me up till it flows out on the pages of our life…our new life…cause at the end of tha day…our love all we got.  Ain’t that right baby? 

*** 

    “MAMA!” The holler was so loud that it startled Addie Peterson-Bisset and she dropped a tea cup, fragments of it shattering on the kitchen floor. 

    “MAMA!” At the second scream, she dashed from the kitchen and ran up the stairs to find both of her girls clinging to each other on the floor. Coming around, she froze in her tracks. There yonder on the floor was her Momma, sprawled out, unmoving. Her hair had been braided up just like it used to be when she was a child…like it used to be in the aging pictures of past. She wore a simple dress, blue and white polkadot but adorning her head was a veil. In her hands, she held two things. One looked like a uniform jacket…and another was what appeared to be a photograph. 

    “God in Heaven…Momma….” She felt her eyes well up with tears and she knelt over the woman, weeping. Two voices filled with the same amount of tears wept right along with her and soon they covered both their Mama, Gammy and Joon with arms. 

*** 

    2010 

    Mama died from the grief of losing two sons. Papa died of a broken heart having lost his wife. Lily…Lily never married. She stayed single and stayed close. And me? I’m goin to my June Bug. In my dreams, I see him and he see me.

*** 

    Waves lapped against the shore and the sun was bright and plentiful. Her feet were bare and they sunk a little into the wet cool sand. Her cheeks were warm as she approached a tall lean figure. The man had his hands in his pockets, dressed in a white cotton shirt and set of dark grey brown suspenders. 

    “June Bug?” At that, he turned around and smiled at her, pretty white teeth on full display. 

    “Hey there darlin.” She felt girlish and giddy and began to toy with her dress behind her. 

    “I…I wasn’t sure if…if you was gon be here…I…” 

    “I made you a promise didn’t I?” Cheeks now red, she looked down at her feet. 

    “Till death do us part right?”

    “Right.” 

    “Good girl.” His fingers lightly lifted her chin and brought her gaze up to clear and warm almond shaped eyes. 

    “Let’s be Joon and Kira now. Can we do that?” She gave a nod and he leaned down just as she stood to meet him on her tip toes for a kiss. Gentle just like his touch upon her back, she didn’t even mind the wind as it rustled her hair outta the loose braid it was in. Laughing against him, she pressed her face against his neck as he lifted her up, playfully twirlin her around. Their laughter met and conjoined on the wind and a surprised yelp as the force of it knocked them both down against the sand. Body shaking with joy, his chest shook with his laughter, throat vibrating with the sound of it and she stole a kiss or two, welcoming his body’s turn to press her against the warm dirt. 

*** 

    At least there…I’m free. We free to exist with no time in between us. Cause like Mama said all those years ago… the sea is a dangerous idea of love. Should you ride along its waves, it shol nough do last forever. A forever sea that is no longer an idea. But a reality. 

FIN