**FLASHBACK**
October 2004 - Kennedy High School - Cafeteria - Junior & Senior Lunch Hour 

“Sophia, you have two weeks to come up with a song and performance as a finalist to be the main act for the Sadie’s Hawkins Dance. Have you picked a song you want to do yet?” 16 year old Callie asked me as we entered the cafeteria with our lunches in hand while heading toward our usual table. 

We were considered popular so our table was smack dab in the middle of the room and to the right of us were the athletes and to our left was where the top performing arts students sat. Kennedy High specialized in arts and athletics. 

Taking our seats, I answered my younger sister’s question. “Since the dance is 90’s themed, I was actually thinking of doing a mix of Monica, Brandy, Britney, Christina, N’Sync, you know, the staples we listened to in middle school.” 

“A word of advice, you only have a five minute time limit. I think you should pick one song by someone you really like and kill it,” Callie suggested. 

I looked at my sister who’d dyed her hair this vibrant orange color and was wearing some oversized round eyeglasses. She was wearing her light green contacts as well. When we were younger, girls used to tease her about her natural eye color being a light hazel brown color. We got into many fights because kids constantly tested her gangster. As cliche as it all sounds, Callie knew that just like having a certain skin tone, your eye color did not make you better than anybody either. Our mother raised us to embrace our differences and love ourselves and others even if they looked different. She always told us beauty fades, good looks can never take the place of intelligence or a good personality.

Callie read the “God Don’t Like Ugly” book series, the summer after her freshman year, and the main character’s best friend was dark skin with green eyes and was as crazy as they came. Now granted, Callie wasn’t psychotic, like the character was, but she was down for all things drama and that included changing up her look at the drop of a hat. The mint green color surprisingly fit her perfectly. Our parents hated it at first, but it grew on them. When she started her sophomore year she came back to school with the new eye color and no one had seen her natural eye color since.  She loved to keep people guessing and wondering about her. That's the number one reason why she wanted to be an actress. Callie marched to her own beat of the drum and never apologized for it either. That’s what made her so amazing as a person. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. 

“Kill what?” Leslie asked, coming up to our table and pulled out her chair to take a seat. She looked like she came straight out of a Delia*s Catalog. She wore a black ¾ length sleeve top with a leopard print skirt that had a hem lined with black lace and wore a pair of black chunky knee high boots. Ever since our mother allowed us to wear makeup, Leslie always wore her signature silver eyeshadow and black eyeliner and DKNY Be Delicious lip gloss. Her relaxed, black shoulder length hair was perfectly in place.

Callie explained the situation to her while I debated on which artist I wanted to represent. Then suddenly I knew exactly what singer to pick. “Aaliyah, Are You That Somebody!” I blurted out, but definitely not loud enough for my competition to hear. 

Leslie squealed, “That song used to be my jam. I can’t wait to start practicing the dance. It’s going to be so tight. You are definitely going to win with that choice!”

“I hope so,” I responded. “Anywho, have you two asked anyone out to the Sadie Hawkins dance yet?”

“I did.” I asked Devin from my math class and he said ‘yes,” Leslie bounced in her seat. 

“That’s what’s up, Leslie! I asked Patrick, who's on the football team, out and he accepted my invitation so I’ll be going to Sadie Hawkins with a date,” Callie informed us. 

“Callie, do you know if Gunnar accepted anybody’s offer to go to the dance yet?” I inquired nervously. 

“As far as I know, not yet, but I wouldn't leave it to chance for too much longer. He’s a hot commodity around here. I’m sure he’s waiting on the right girl to ask him out,” Callie hinted. 

“I’m working on it. I’m just waiting for the right moment. It’s like every time I get the nerve to speak to him, I lose my thought.”  I confessed. 

“If you wait any longer it might be too late. Just go for it, Sophia.” Leslie smiled trying to encourage me. 

“You both are right, I just need to do it. The next time I see him I will ask him out,” I stated firmly however, on the inside I was shaking like jelly. Looking away from my sisters, I noticed a small commotion at the entrance of the cafeteria. “Here comes the queen bee,” I lamented. 

“B for biotch,” Callie chided. 

“Callie!” Leslie warned. 

“Remember, don’t mention a thing about Gunnar,” I warned. 

“Chill out, we are not dumb,” Leslie assured. 

“Hey y’all,” Daisy Greeted us and took a seat at our table. “What are you up to?” She asked, pushing her blonde micro braids from her face. Wearing her low rise jeans and long sleeve lavender mid-drift top to showcase her belly button piercing, which had a Playboy Bunny charm.

“Nothing much,” I answered. “I just decided on a song that I’m going to do for the finalist competition.”

“Oh,” she commented as if she wasn’t impressed. “I’m surprised you made it this far.”

“I don’t see how. Sophia is the best singer at Kennedy. And most importantly she’s going to win the competition,” Callie challenged Daisy. 

“Thanks Callie,” I smiled and began taking my lunch out of my bag. 

“Ugh! You still use paper bags to carry your lunches? That is so tacky. You’re almost 18, Sophia. You really need to grow up.” Daisy spoke in a disgusted tone. 

I looked around at my sisters and they looked just as annoyed as I felt. “We sure do. It’s a tradition that our mom has been doing for us since we were little. It’s her way of showing she cares for us. And she even packs a little note for us. I pulled out a bright piece of blue paper. “See she even writes it on each of our own favorite colors,” I beamed. “Doesn’t your mom do anything special for you?” I asked knowing the answer, but I still did it because one thing I won’t allow is disrespect towards anything that deals with my mother. 

“Please, my mom doesn’t cook or make lunches. She gives me her credit card to buy all the things I want.”

“Oh that's special for sure. Nothing shows that you care more about someone then giving them shopping sprees. Must be nice.” I answered sarcastically with a shrug of my shoulders. This heffa.

“Anyway,” Leslie said, breaking the tension, “When are you going to hold the auditions, Sophie?”

“I’m going to send a mass text out this afternoon. Since today is Monday, I’m going to hold them on Wednesday. I really need this performance to be perfect, I’m going to add it to my senior portfolio.” I responded.

“Don’t worry about it. It will be,” Callie reassures me. 

Pulling the top off my lunch container, I began to eat my veggies. Daisy thought it was the right time to bring up dates for the dance. “Have you girls asked anybody out to the dance yet?”

“Yeah,” they both responded and told her who they had asked. They knew it was alright to share the names of their dates because they weren’t the big men on campus. 

Daisy looked over to me. “What about you, Sophia?”

I continued looking down at my lunch, eating my chicken salad. “I haven’t asked anyone yet.” I responded with an even tone.

“Why not? I’m sure there is some guy here at Kennedy that has tickled your fancy?” 

Tickled your fancy? How old is she 80? I thought to myself rolling my eyes. I could not and would not tell her who I was going to ask, because Gunnar was the big kahuna around here. And the moment she got a notion that I was interested in him, I could kiss my chances at a date with my crush goodbye. 

“There’s a few guys, but right now I’m more focused on this competition at the moment. Everything else is on hold.” I answered truthfully. 

Before she could respond to pry for more info, she was interrupted by Anthony Sims and some of his teammates who played varsity football. “Hello, ladies.” He addressed us kindly. “Hello, Daisy. How are you?” He asked in a deeper tone. 

I had to stop myself from laughing so I pulled out my spoon and chocolate pudding from the bag. The guys began to do a bunch of small talk with the girls. I, for one, hated small talk. I’d rather just get to the point and be done with the conversation. It was a shame I couldn’t even do that with Gunnar. I’m such a punk. 

I was in the middle of opening my pudding when I looked at the group and noticed Gunnar was looking directly at me with his deep ocean blue eyes. His blond hair was combed to the back and stopped at the nape of his neck. What I wouldn’t give to run my fingers through it. Unconsciously, I either tugged on the tab or squeezed the pudding cup too hard because the next thing I knew, the pudding was all over my white shirt. 

I heard the guys laughing along with Daisy. The only ones who didn’t laugh were my sisters, Patrick and Gunnar. Once everyone quieted down, Daisy couldn’t resist commenting on the matter. “Oh my goodness, Sophia. You’re so clumsy. I’d hate to see you choke at your performance,” she grinned evilly. 

I wiped the blob of pudding off my shirt and rose from the table. Thankfully there were no stains on my light blue jean pants I was wearing. I was also grateful that I kept on my favorite olive green bomber jacket. I zipped it up and collected my belongings and then looked Daisy straight in her light brown eyes. 

“No, Daisy. I think you’re confusing yourself with me. You’re the queen of choking when it comes to performances… On your knees.”

I stormed off, with my sisters trailing behind me. The guys started laughing harder and instigating. I kept my head held high and kindly excused myself. I brushed past Gunnar, he smelled so good. He grinned at me and mumbled, “Nice job.” 

“Thanks,” I muttered and left the cafeteria. 

“Oh. My. Gosh.” I froze once we made it into the empty hallway.

“What? What’s wrong?” Callie asked worriedly. 

“Gunnar Beck just spoke to me and I spoke back to him.” I started screaming and jumping for joy. And like good sisters so did Leslie and Callie. 

*************************

Two Weeks Later - Kennedy High School - Girls Locker Room - Football Homecoming Game & Finalist Talent Competition

“For goodness sake, would you be still?!” Bianca yelled at me as she applied my makeup. 

“Sorry,” I huffed. We were a few minutes away from the half time, my nerves were at an all time high. There were talent scouts for both the arts and athletic students. This was a night that would make or break a lot of us seniors. 

“It’s cool. Now close your eyes,” Bianca told me in a calm voice, she must’ve realized how nervous I was. She started applying my eyeshadow. “Do you know how hard it was to find galaxy gray lipstick and chrome chronicles eyeshadow? I had Harrison take me all over the world to find the right shade.”

“You have a car of your own. He didn’t have to take you,” I pointed out.

“Stay out of grown folks business.”

I laughed, “Girl, you’re only three years older than me.”

“Nevertheless, mind your business. And if Harry didn’t want to take me he could’ve said no at any time.”

I opened the eye she wasn’t working on and stared at her, “Yeah right. You would’ve given him so much crap for not taking you. And he would’ve been mad that you went all around looking for the makeup by yourself. He’s so in love with you. It’s cute.”

“Close your eyes,” she commanded, ignoring my last comment. “Are you going to follow through with asking that guy to the dance?”

Sighing deeply, “Yeah that’s still the plan. My heart starts beating so hard when I think about asking him. Callie said he still hasn’t accepted anyone’s offer, I hope he’s waiting on me to ask. I hate this stupid rule of girls asking guys out.”

“Well I think it’s good practice for girls. I know many people aren’t into a girl asking a guy out, but sometimes you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong though, I don’t mean you should go chasing guy after guy either. Just be smart and brave about things. Follow your heart. It won’t steer you wrong.”

Bianca applied my lipstick in silence. Once she was done she stepped back to admire her work. “Man, I’m good. Go take a look.”

I headed towards the full mirror in the locker room. I gasped, shocked at my reflection. “Bianca! I look like Aaliyah. 

“Of course you do!” Bianca laughed. 

She styled my hair and wardrobe as well. I had mini waterfall ponytails at the crown of my head while the rest of my hair was hanging down to my back. I had the dark silvery colored makeup on. And my outfit was the replica of what Aaliyah wore in the video. 

I wore a pair of blue oversized cargo pants that hung low on my hips to show off the shiny silver shorts underneath it. I also had on a gray long sleeve crop top. I wore a thin silver belly chain. I wasn’t skinny, I was on the curvier side. I wasn’t ashamed of my body type. I respected and embraced my body. On my feet were my blue and white Nike Air Max. I was glad Aaliyah was a tomboy, I don’t think I could do all of the choreography in heels. 

“Bianca, I owe you big time.” I went to give her a hug.

“Just go out there and knock them dead. And then ask Gunnar out. If he turns you down then he’s the crazy one. Not you. You got that?” She asked. 

I nodded silently. 

Gathering her makeup bag we headed out to meet with the rest of the group. As soon as I opened the door I bumped into Daisy, wearing her green, black and white cheerleading uniform. “Hey, Sophia! I was just coming back to wish you luck and to see if we were good since that little mishap from lunch the other day.”

Not really thinking much about her or Pudding Gate, I gave her the basic it’s all good response. I was getting my mind focused on the task at hand. As she walked off, Bianca broke my chain of thought. “Watch out for her. I know y’all have been friends with her for years, but I don’t trust her.”

I smiled, “Trust me. I’m already on to her. She doesn’t know all my business and I keep it that way.”

“Make sure you do because the minute you turn your back that knife is coming out,” Bianca warned me. 

I nodded. At the moment I had bigger fish to fry. “Is Damon and his friends here with their motorcycles yet? The dancers and I are going to ride around the track to get to the stage.”

“You really do love to keep up with themes.” Bianca jokes. “Yes, they’re here. They came in a while ago.”

A stage crew member came to hook me up with a cordless headset mic and informed me that my competition, Jeremy, had just gone on stage. 

I went over to my group for a huddle. We hyped each other up on our energy and we prayed for a good performance. The background singers, the male dancers and Freddie, the guy I had do the rapping parts of the song, went ahead to get on stage after Jeremy and his crew was finished. The next thing I knew it was time to go out.

I hopped on to the back of my cousin Damon’s bike as he led the charge to the stage. The music began and Fred started the intro of the song. The girls and I got off the bikes at the checkpoint and walked onto the field to get on the stage.

"Dirty South, can y'all really feel me

East Coast, feel me

West Coast, feel me

Dirty South, can y'all really feel me..."

We all stood in our designated spots. I stood front and center and gave this moment my all. 

"Boy, I've been watching you like a hawk in the sky

That flies, and you were my prey

Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin' heads

I know that one of these days

We gon' hook it up, pro'ly talk on the phone

But see, I don't know if that's good

I've been holdin' back this secret from you

I probably shouldn't tell it, but if I

If I let you know

You can't tell nobody, I'm talkin' bout nobody

Are you responsible?

Boy I gotta watch my back, cause I'm not just anybody

Is it my go? Is it your go?

Sometimes I'm goody-goody

Right now naughty-naughty

Say yes or say no

Cause I really need somebody

Tell me are you that somebody?"

By the time I made it through the first verse and the chorus my adrenaline was pumping. I even noticed that the football teams even stopped going over plays in the locker room to come and watch the show. The next verse had a tricky move and I had to sing on top of that, thankfully because of the perfectionist that I am, we practiced this part a million times and tonight it was executed perfectly. Before I knew it the song was over and our principal and music teacher were ready to present the winner. 

“...Sophia Noble!” 

I was so shocked, I froze for a few seconds because I couldn’t believe my ears. My sisters and friends congratulated me. I was speechless and of course my teacher asked if I would like to say something. This was it. My mic was turned back on by the stage crew and I began to thank everyone for their help and other formalities. 

“Finally, there’s a guy here at Kennedy that I’ve grown fond of. It’s like every time I see him I lose my nerve to ask him to the Sadie’s Hawkins dance that’s happening next week.” The crowd started cheering. “I knew he was special from the first day I saw him. So here it goes.”

The crowd is going wild and even began chanting, “Ask. Him. Out. Ask. Him. Out.”

I was looking for Gunnar, but the teams were wearing their helmets. Thankfully I knew his jersey number. 17. And then I saw his face only because Daisy was standing in front of him and lifted his mask to kiss him. 

My heart. That was all I could think at the moment. 

I balled my fists to keep my composure. Get it together, Noble. You’re a star in the making. Don’t let this phase you! My internal pep talk must’ve worked. With the crowd still chanting, my next words brought their voice down. “You know what, some things are better left unsaid. You all enjoy the rest of the game and thanks again for your support.” I took off my headset, handed it to the principal and ran off stage. 

I went back to the locker room to grab my belongings. My three sisters came barging in. “Sophia, what happened? I thought you were going to ask Gunnar to be your date.” Leslie asked with true concern. 

Holding back my tears and clearing my throat, “I changed my mind. I don’t think he’s interested in me.” I answered her as if she asked me what the weather was like. “It’s not a big deal,” I shrugged. 

“Not a big deal?!” Callie snapped. “No, you’ve been constantly talking about that boy for three years and up until five minutes ago it’s no big deal?!” I don’t believe it or you!”

I remained silent. There was nothing to say. I saw it with my own eyes. Daisy got to Gunnar before I did. I missed my chance. I think if it was any other guy, I would’ve been okay, but not this time.

With a softer tone, Bianca reached her hand out to me, but I didn’t accept it. “Sophia, help us understand what made you change your mind.”  

Before I could give her an answer, one of my dancers came in. “Hey, did y’all hear the news! Daisy Montgomery and Gunnar Brock are an item. They went public tonight while Sophia was giving her speech. They’re going to be the hottest couple on campus,” she squealed and ran back out of the locker room.

My sisters must’ve realized that I saw Daisy and Gunnar’s public announcement with my own eyes. The girls were about to try to comfort me, but I didn’t want it. “Hey, I’m fine. I promise. I’m not mad or angry or anything. How could I be when we only shared four words between us? I’ll see you all at home. Thank you all again for helping me win. I owe you big time.”

I knew I sounded pathetic, but I refused to let them see me cry over a dude. I was embarrassed enough as it was. I got in my car and drove until I hit my favorite getaway spot. Lucinda’s 24 hour diner. It was the most gorgeous 50’s styled place ever. 

I walked in and greeted the staff. I was a regular, “Hey, Sophia will it be the usual?” Lucy asked as I walked to my favorite corner booth. 

“Yes ma’am, but could you make a large shake this time?” I requested.

I pulled out my phone seeing a ton of missed calls and text. 

Once my onion rings and large blue moon shake was brought out to me I felt a few tears ready to fall. Fighting them back I took tiny sips of my shake until I had a brain freeze. You can’t cry when you’re drinking. 

************************

One week later - Kennedy High School - Gymnasium - Sadie Hawkins Dance

"Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right

Have you ever, have you ever..."

The student body clapped when I finished the song. “Thank you everyone. I’m going to take a break, but Jeremy Graham aka J.Graham Will now be taking over for the next 30 minutes until I return. Enjoy your evening.”  

I stepped down from the stage and headed towards the drink table.

“Sophia, I swear on everything I love, I will call mama and daddy to pick you up if you sing another depressing song!” Callie threatened me after she and Leslie stormed up to me. Neither one of them looked happy. 

“What are you talking about? All of my song choices are from the 90’s,” I defended myself. 

“Yeah, and they’re also on that mixed CD you created called Heartbreak 2004!” Callie revealed. 

“So what? As long as it’s a good beat no one cares, right Leslie?”

“You started the dance off with “I Can Love You” by Mary J. Blige. And then as soon as you saw Gunnar you sang “Unbreak My Heart” by Toni Braxton.”

“And your point would be?” I ask dumbfounded. 

“You’re depressing us!” Leslie blurted out. “Look, we get it. Your feelings were hurt after seeing Gunnar and Daisy, but did it ever occur to you that you can’t claim dibs on a guy you never held a conversation with? You didn’t even know if he was interested in you. If he was, he had ample opportunity to speak up and say something, but he didn’t. And you know what, Sophia? That’s his loss. He missed out on the most talented and beautiful girl. If he was dumb enough to look you over for Daisy then chick, you dodged a big bullet, don’t you think? 

Your senior year can be as promising as you make it, but for the love of God, please don’t make the entire school suffer. That’s not fair. If you want to make Daisy and Gunnar suffer, then you need to have the time of your life and act like you’re unaffected by their so-called relationship. There are still plenty of good looking guys here tonight that didn’t get asked out. Let’s live it up. This is your last homecoming dance.”

“Well said, big sis,” Callie chimed in. 

Leslie was right on all accounts. I was living in a fairytale world thinking everything had to go my way. I never considered the fact that there was a possibility that Gunnar wouldn’t be interested in me or that he already had a girlfriend. I owed my sisters an apology. Before I could give them one, Jeremy’s musicians started playing the intro to “Back That Azz Up” by Juvenile. 

Leslie started dancing backwards to get to the dance floor. Callie went over to her and started dancing. They beckoned me over, I tried to resist, but who can resist Juvenile? I went to go dance with my sisters. This would be one of the last times I could live carefree I was going to enjoy the moment. 

As I continued dancing with my sisters and their dates, my eyes coincidentally caught Gunnar’s. He smiled at me and I waved back. He stood by the bleachers alone with no Daisy in sight. Though things didn’t work out between us as I’d hoped, there was no rule against us dancing with each other. 

I used my head to gesture that he came to where I was. He made his way to me. I stuck my hand out, he accepted it. “Hi, my name is Sophia Noble. It's nice to finally meet you,” I smiled genuinely and confidently. 

“Gunnar Brock and the pleasure is all mine!” He grinned. “I was wondering if you would like to dance with me?”

“I’d love to!”

And with that I shared my first dance of the night with Gunnar Brock to “Back That Azz Up.”I was glad to find out that he could keep up with me on the dance floor. Daisy came strolling in looking pissed, but who cares, I was living in the moment.