“It started when I was 22.” 

    “The binging?”

    “Yeah.” 

    “What caused it?” 

    “They told me I had to lose weight.” Taking a small breath, he laid his cheek against her shoulder. 

    “Everyone does it at one time or another. It’s just….the world we’re in.” She was quiet, her fingers massaging his shoulders. 

    “The binging gave me a sense of power…a sense of control.” 

    “Mmhm…”

    “Everywhere else I had none. I had to do what they wanted. Say what they wanted. Look however they wanted me to look.” Puppy. 

    “The binging led to the cutting. That started two years later. Small little cuts here… never anything this visible.” He said, lifting his wrists. 

    “I tried to keep them small so no one would see but…I stopped caring.” 

    “Bunny,” He shuddered now as her hands lowered to rub his back. 

    “You need an outlet for your pain. This was mine. Along with cocaine sometimes…” Her lips kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes as she hugged him close. 

    “I was scared Nova. That’s why…I didn’t tell you.”

    “Why were you scared bunny?” Tears had begun to well up from under his closed eyelids. 

    “I thought you would leave me.” His voice, then and there, was perhaps the smallest she’d ever heard it. 

    “Bon-hwa….”

    “I’m a fuck up. I’m a fucking drug addicted zombie….and you…you’re my angel…” He’d began to trip up on his words, tears now wetting her shirt. She could feel the emotion struggling within him to let loose. 

    “Stop torturing yourself Bon-hwa. Stop punishing yourself. Let it out.” The first sob that left from his belly broke her heart. But, it was the frantic gasping wails of despair that sent chills down her spine. He’d began to shake and his hands grabbed her for dear life. 

    “Good, mon ange. (my angel, sweetheart) Let it out.” Gasping for breath, he let the emotions come up and by the end of it, couldn’t see anything, eyes blinded by tears. He felt like he was having an out of body experience….hearing and seeing himself so broken.. so torn down… at rock bottom. She hushed him quietly, gently rocking him. 

    “Nous voilá…vous libérez d’une douleur du passé..” (there we are…free yourself from the pain.) Breath now tiny sniffles and hiccups, a withdrawn sigh against her neck. Her fingers once more massaged his scalp and he hummed against her, making her smile. 

    “Now that you’ve let it out bunny…now you have to make a choice.” Lifting his face, she softly caressed his eyebrows, his cheeks and nose…even the bags under his now reddened and puffy eyes. 

    “You know as well as I do… if you keep down this path… you’re gonna die. You know that.” He closed his eyes, knowing that it was the truth. 

    “Perhaps you want to die somewhere deep inside. The pain too much…” He let her speak, her lips following her fingers’ touch. 

    “I don’t know what they did to you Bon-hwa…I don’t know the hell they’ve put you through. But….I love you enough to try to pull you out of it.” 

    “Nova…” His voice now was gruff from crying but she shushed him with a tender kiss against his mouth. 

    “The part of you that wants to live must fight the part that wants to die. It must win.” 

    “How?”

    “You remember when we used to go to church and listen to the pastor preach…He’d talk about everlasting love… the Father’s love for us.” 

    “His love left me a long time ago Nova.” Pulling his hands away from her, he laid back against the bed and lifted an arm up across his eyes. 

    “I’ve done too much shit for God to forgive me.” The way he said it broke her heart. Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt her throat grow heavy.

    “That’s not true…” 

    “You want me to start going to church again? You think that’s gonna save me?”

    “It’s not about what I want baby…” She said, lifting slow fingers up across his sinking stomach. 

    “It’s about you and what you want. What you know without a shadow of a doubt will never fail you.” Sighing as her lips pressed kisses up his chest, he withdrew his arm and opened his eyes to look at her. 

    “You think He’ll forgive us for fucking before marriage?” She laughed gently against him, a kiss against his pectoral. 

    “We didn’t fuck bunny sheesh. At least I didn’t.” Her laugh was contagious and he returned her grin with the tiniest one of his own. 

    “I definitely remember us fucking in Busan…”

    “Shut up… we’re trying to have a moment here. Yes I think He will forgive us.  We may not have did it right to begin but we finished good.” Lifting arms up around her, he pulled her closer. 

    “He forgives all. He gives grace. Even to those who think they are outside of His reach.” Sighing, he spoke quietly, 

    “I’ll try everything I can. For you.”

    “No, it has to be for you. You have to want your freedom more than you want me.” Sighing, he breezed his thumb across her brow. 

    “I want both. You and my freedom.”

    “Is that your decision?” She could see fear start to arise in his expression but he swallowed it down. 

    “Yeah…I…I want out.” She sat up and slowly lifted her shirt, revealing those perfect tits of hers. His dick shot up again and she bit her lip in a smile. Lifting his hands to touch them, she sighed as he gently squeezed. 

    “Kay… now let’s talk about you wanting me.” Lifting, he grabbed her and threw her down on the bed, laughs and pressed foreheads. 

    “My favorite topic of conversation.” He breathed, his kiss slow and sweet. Wrapping arms around him, she kissed his eyelids and down to his cheeks as he stripped away what clothing remained on her. 

*** 

    It had been a couple days since she’d touched down in Seoul. Humming, she gently lifted the poached eggs and placed them on two buttery English muffins already dressed with bacon and spinach. Drizzling hollandaise sauce over the top, she turned to find him standing there at the island, hand on cheek just watching her. 

    “How long have you been standing there?” He grinned a sleepy smile. 

    “Long enough to know you don’t have on any underwear under my shirt.”

    “You’re such a creep. Here.”  Snickering, he took the plate from her and placed it on the table. Reaching for her, he pulled her against him. 

    “Thank you angel,”

    “Mmhm.” Lifting his hands to her cheeks, he squished, making her lips poke out. 

    “Say you’re welcome bunny or else.” Playfully protesting, she broke out into laughter and allowed him a kiss. 

    “Welcome bunny…”     

    “Good girl.” Gaze coquettish, she slipped away from him, gasping as he slapped her rear. 

    “Don’t start. I’ll take you right back in the bedroom for round three.” Smiling to herself, she cleared her throat and went back over to the stove, turning it off. 

    “When are you leaving?” He asked her, eyes watching her lift her omelet onto a plate. 

    “I’m staying the rest of the academic semester.” He choked on the yolk of the egg and coughed, eyes watery as she turned to face him. 

    “Do you have a problem with that?” 

    “No… fuck no… I just…I thought you were in school.” 

    “I handled all that.”

    “You can’t leave school for me. That’s a firm no. I won’t let you.” 

    “Even if they have online classes?”

    “From all the way here in Korea? They’re gonna accept that shit?”

    “As long as I submit my work, yeah.” Still not totally convinced, he forked some of his food and slowly ate it, brow creased and bothered. 

    “I don’t know about this Nov.” 

    “Look, I already called them and had them transfer it over to virtual. I meant what I said Bon-hwa. I’m not leaving you.” 

    “Will you have to make anything up with classes?”

    “Nope.” 

    “Hm. Alright then. It’s done I suppose.” Giggling, she ran over to hug him. 

    “Stay focused on your school work Nov. Seriously.”

    “Okayyyyy.”

    “I mean that shit. One of us has to be great.” 

    “You’re great too bun, stop it.” She licked the yolk from the corner of his mouth before kissing his lips.

    “I stay focused on school… you stay focused on getting better. We can meet in the middle for any… extracurricular activities after.” She pulled away but he pulled her back against his lap. 

    “Keep it up.” Lifting her hands, her fingers drifted up into his hair. 

    “Now, bring your breakfast over here, sit your fine ass right here and eat. For fuck’s sake.” Welcoming a much harder smack to her butt, she licked her lips. 

    “Kay.” 

*** 

    He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous as shit. Sitting next to Nova, he tapped his foot against the floor almost unconsciously and it took her gentle hand on his thigh to stop him. 

    “Breathe. It’s okay…”

    “Nova… I’m fucking terrified…”

    “I know but I’m here…. I’m with you.” Sighing, he practiced breathing techniques… slowly… in…out… 

    “Mr. Kang?” He felt his heart flop around like a rag doll inside his chest cavity and he stared at the man, eyes and hands nervous and jittery. 

    “Bon-hwa?” Lifting his gaze upward, his panting slowly calmed as she kissed his forehead and nose. 

    “Breathe baby. Please.” Swallowing sand, he nodded against her. 

    “Okay…”  Closing his eyes, he felt the fear of eyes, hands and lips fade away just a tad and began to stand. Sliding his hands from around her waist, she gently held on to one, the other he lifted to wrap around her neck. 

    “Sorry…”

    “Don’t be sorry. Please, this way.” 

    “Come on bun,” Tightly gripping her hand, he followed her into what was about to be another hell. After all, sometimes you had to go through hell to get to heaven. 

    Taking their seats, he wiped his sweaty palms on his suit pants, taking the tiny offered hand next to him. Taking it into her own, she rubbed the back of it. 

    “Welcome, Mr. Kang.”    

    “Bon-hwa is fine.”

    “Sure…Bon-hwa. My name is Jinsung Park. What brings you in today?” 

    “I’m sure you know who I am…” The man smiled politely but shook his head. 

    “KASSIA right?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Yes, my daughter is a big fan of yours.” 

    “Hm.”

    “Yes, well Bon-hwa, how can I help you?” He took a slow breath, Nova’s fingers starting to massage his fingers, one at a time. 

    “I want out of my contract with Perseus Entertainment.” 

    “I see.” Steepling his fingers, he took a deep breath, eyes glancing over to Nova.

    “Who is this lovely lady?” 

    “My wife.” He looked really surprised then, glancing at the two of them. 

    “Mrs. Kang, how do you feel about Bon-hwa’s decision to leave his company?” 

    “I support my husband no matter what.” Nodding, he gave a polite smile. 

    “They’re killing him.” Her voice once sweet, now sounded serious and he gave another nod, one more firm. 

    “How are they killing you Bon-hwa? What evidence do you have that will compel them to surrender you up?” 

    “You see so many idols all the time, wanting out of their contracts. It’s the same shit just a different day. You know why I want out of my contract.” The man sat still, eyes on his. 

    “I want to hear your truth Bon-hwa. Everyone else’s is different. I want to hear you say it.” Swallowing, he glanced over at Nova who encouraged him with a gentle smile and squeeze on his fingers. 

    “Ever since I came to this country at 16, they’ve used me. First, it was because I spoke fluent English. Then it was because I was a rookie. They wanted to see how hungry I was for my dreams and little by little they pushed me more and more.” The two of them sat still as he released the years of torment and pain. 

    “When I accepted my contract, I didn’t know shit. I was a kid. Seduced by fame and the chance to be big. I didn’t know then that I’d signed my life away in blood.” 

    “Blood?” Jinsung asked, eyes still on him. 

    “They threw a party for us after we debuted. I thought it was just a normal event… drinks…food, the usual. But, I didn’t know that it was my initiation into hell.” Even Nova had her eyes on him now, her fingers no longer massaging his own. 

    “They…they..” He couldn’t get it out… couldn’t find the will to say it out loud. 

    “Take your time, bun.” Clearing his throat, he started again. 

    “They drugged me. The CEO, Kang Ha-joon, drugged me. Stripped me naked, tied me up and took my virginity.” 

    “Oh my God…” Nova exclaimed, fingers gripping his. 

    “She fucked me in the ass against my will. Made me suck Lim Dong-hyun’s dick…. tortured me until I stopped fighting… until he could fuck me too.” 

    “Lim Dong-hyun of Solaris Entertainment?” 

    “The one and only.” His hand shook and so did hers. She let his hand go and he looked up to see her eyes having filled with tears looking at nothing in particular. 

    “Nova,” Slowly, she brought them to his. Outstretching his hand, he waited. He needed her. Her hand took hold of his again. 

    “From there it was almost every night. She’d do some sick shit to me… make me do some sick shit…”

    “I know this is hard for you… to have to re-live this…” He’d hung his head, tears welling up in his eyes. 

    “She….she got me high on some shit that took me out of my body… made me unbelievable horny…” Taking a shaky breath, he licked his lips. 

    “When I woke up, I didn’t remember anything. Didn’t remember running a train on Hydrangea…”

    “The girl group?”

    “Yeah…they’d just debuted too.” Jinsung sat back and listened, his face solemn. 

    “I found out later that she’d given me her fucking dog.” At that, he began to cry, the tears falling down his face uncontrollably. 

    “….I fucked a goddamn dog…” He sobbed, covering his face. He felt arms come around him and Nova’s sweet voice hushing him. 

    “I didn’t know…. it wasn’t me I swear to God….I didn’t know…” Jinsung swallowed thickly as he tried to pull himself together, sniffling. He sat up again and almost angrily batted his tears away. 

    “All those interviews with the exclusive outlets. The top notch fashion shoots. The expensive music video sets. She told me I earned them for my obedience. Like I was a pet.” Nova remained standing, lifting fingers to sift through his hair. 

    “She even gave us a vacation. My first vacation in three years. One I took with my wife. But…she had us followed.” Nova’s hands stopped. 

    “She got my dick hungry group member, Kang-min to collaborate with her and they filmed my wife and I being intimate. When I returned to work, he threatened me with blackmail. He told me that if I didn’t let him suck my dick that he’d give all the footage to the media outlets and underground porn sites. He knew that something like that would ruin me career.” 

    “Oh God…” He tightened his grip on Nova’s hand. 

    “I do have proof of that.” 

    “Does he admit to it?”

    “Yeah.” 

    “May I see it?” Handing him the phone, he let tears fall again. 

    “I’m sorry Nova… I’m so fucking sorry….” Her eyes filled with tears, she hugged him as Jinsung pressed play. 

    “Yah, Lee Kang-min…You’re such a fucking slut. Goddamn.” It was clear from the audio that they were having sex and the sound of another male preened and moaned, tears it sounded like in his voice. 

    “This is what you tried to blackmail me for?” The man couldn’t answer, moans high and tinny. 

    “This is why you followed me and my wife? Took pictures and videos of us fucking like a little filthy rat? Just for this?”

    “It was worth it….so worth it…” The man laughed. 

    The audio cut off.  Jinsung swallowed thickly and cleared his throat but gave a nod. 

    “Good. We can use it. We need more.” Hands shaking, he retrieved his phone. 

    “I recorded Kang Ha-joon threaten to ruin my career if I didn’t adhere to her wishes. That’s on here too.”

    “Perfect. That’s what I need.” Sighing, Jinsung stood up. 

    “I’ve heard your truth Bon-hwa. I will do the best I can to help you.” Lifting eyes upward, he swallowed his tears. 

    “Thank you.” 

    “We’ll have to gather as much evidence as we can. What you’ve provided is an amazing start.” 

    “He’s not expected to go back to those sick people right?” Nova asked, her voice the hardest he’d ever heard it. She sounded outright pissed. 

    “Due to the nature of the case and the severity of the allegations, I would not recommend him to return at this present moment.”

    “Very good.”

    “I’ll let you know how we move on from here. Please look out for my call.” 

    “I will.” Bowing, he trailed behind Nova who in anger walked ahead of him. 

    “Nov! Nov wait.” Swallowing thickly, she took his hand and pressed her face against him as they left the office.