WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AND DESCRIPTION OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. NOT FOR KIDDOS. THANKS. 

it was really easy. Nothing about it was complicated. Sex. It was like breathing, it came naturally to her. The feeling of skin against skin, body against body. Others called it their 'hoe' phase and said it with pride. But she? She knew what it was. She was hiding. Burying her pain inside of a temporary moment... a fleeting moment of transcendence. It never lasted long... the feeling. And once again, when the booze and sweat and cum dried, she'd be back at square one. 

She hated Seoul. And there were times where she hated Korea too. Filled with pipe dreams and romantic idolatry, she'd foolishly left her cushy life in America and moved to Korea. And for what? What glittered wasn't always gold. What were you thinking? Her mind told her. She was beautiful, she knew that. Moving to this place where her beauty was not understood or acknowledged made her feel strange. She'd take refuge behind the make up and the wigs and high heel shoes, she knew her body was what men liked, albeit, a tad bit thicker in the middle. She wasn't a size two but she wasn't extremely overweight. Just right, like her mama would say. Just thick enough to entice. So, she did what she felt she had to.

Strobe lights and heavy pumping bass, heat, liquor and grabby hands all over. Lips messy in meeting and feet leading to love hotels. Whore. Hoe. Slut. The thrill of the chase lit her on fire. She enjoyed making the good boys turn bad. They were all liars anyway. She didn't buy that goody-two-shoes shit. They all were freaks at the end of the day. Some liked being dominant. Others liked being dominated. Some liked both. Hands around necks and cut-off breath. Loud hard slaps against brown cheeks until skin turned red and bruised. 

That first feeling of entry, watching some turn to mush when she'd slowly play with their asshole, the pretty nasty delicious cum that dribbled out of their twitching dicks. It was all too much, too good, so good. Even better when she took it into her mouth, sucking the shit like a lollipop, till they made a mess all over themselves, over her. 

Some she had to train, some were in it for them. But no, no she always made sure she got hers. Whether she had to fuck their brains out, get railed until she cried or grab her favorite toy and masturbate in front of them... show them how to please her. She always got hers. And still, once she'd been properly fucked, and they would go back to their daily lives... what then was she to do? 

Go sit at a meaningless desk job amongst stuffy people who were more than uncomfortable with her black presence? Stand in a classroom full of unruly badass kids and try to teach them English? Get catcalled and whistled at in Hongdae and Itaewon by perverted pieces of shit who wanted to taste the result of the diaspora of Africa had birthed?

Nothing about it was easy. Everything was hard. She was miserable. 

"Miss?"

She hated Seoul. Hated that she could never find anything to fit her. Hated that she felt fat and ugly when before she never had. Her blackness was a source of excitement and lewd interest. It was not celebrated, rather, it was objectified... hypersexualized. She could understand why women paid big money to look like her. Hell, she'd pay to look like her too. Big titties, big ass, big thighs and big hair. All natural by the way. She mostly kept it in wigs or braids but this time... she wanted to let her hair breathe a little. 

"Miss?" 

Standing by the side of the street, she smelled like alcohol and a good time. 

"Do you need a taxi?" Finally, she heard him. Turning irritated eyes onto the voice's owner, she huffed unnecessarily loudly. 

"What the fuck do you want?" Concerned brown monolid eyes watched as she stumbled, losing her balance against the bus stop pole she had been leaning against. 

"Ma'am... I'm... I'll call a taxi."

"Fuck your taxi." She slurred, lifting her eyes upward. Letting her gaze drift down him, she sucked her teeth. 

"Pretty boy motherfucker. Call a taxi huh? You wanna fuck me in that taxi?" 

"Ma'am-"

"My name ain't no gawddamn ma'am. It's Briony Cayenne, bitch." 

"Okay, okay. Sorry. Briony," 

"What's your name, pretty boy?" 

"Eun-woo." 

"Pretty name, pretty face. Makes me wanna sit on it." At that, his entire face grew red and she began to laugh, tears actually dotting the corners of her eyes. 

"Shit, you couldn't fucking handle it. You'd croak like a fucking frog." Turning away from him, she began to wobble away, cursing loudly as the bottom of her heels cracked off. 

"Aw, shit. Fuck."

"You... curse a lot."

"Yeah, and you don't know how to eat pussy. Back up." The bespeckled man swallowed, concern never leaving his gaze as he watched her hobble away, bending down to eventually remove her shoes and throw them away from her. 

"Let me call you a taxi. Please."

"Fuck off, pretty boy." 

"Eun-woo... and no."

"No?" That word irritated her entire soul and she spun around like she stood on wheels, eyes incredulous. 

"You just tell me no?"

"You're drunk."

"No shit."

"You should go home."

"I go home when I fucking feel like it. Why don't you go home? Your face is starting to piss me off." He followed her like a stray and reached into his pocket to pluck a quarter from inside. 

"Briony, stay where I can see you... please."

"Fuck off." Sighing, he slipped the coin into the slot and dialed the taxi. 

"Hi, I'd like a taxi." The attendant asked his location. 

"Itaewon, by Lucky's bar." She rattled off more details before they thanked one another and hung up. 

Hanging up, he trailed after her, who had grown further and further away. 

"Leave me alone. Fuck."

"Please, the taxi will be here shortly."

"I don't want a fucking tax-" Before she could complete her sentence, she hunched over and started to throw up. He watched her, eyes now downcast on her form. 

"Why are you doing this?" She coughed before another wave hunched her over further. 

"I can't rest knowing that you are out here like this. It's... there are predators out here." Spitting, she grinned. 

"What if I'm the predator?" Brows knit together. 

"What if I'm out here looking for something delicious to eat?"

"Then, food would be that way." He pointed behind them. Breath smelling of alcohol and vomit, she began to laugh, gut-wrenching laughter that made her stomach hurt. 

"You're can't be this clueless."

"What?"

"What are you, a church boy?" 

"Um,"

"You're a goody-two-shoes saint huh? You go to church huh? Praying to the Lord and shit." He stiffened up as she drew closer, her hand going right in between his legs to grab him. 

"I wonder what he would think if I sucked your dick right now." 

"D-don't touch me there. Stop." Reaching down, he tossed her hand away from him. 

"Let me guess... you're a virgin too. Pretty little Eun-woo never been sucked before. Have you ever played with yourself?" 

"I'm not answering that." She began to crack up, her eyes teary. 

"They think that about you anyway. You know that right?" His statement made her stop laughing and she pursed her lips. 

"They've never seen someone like you here... maybe Itaewon. Maybe Hongdae. From the times of war when black men were stationed here. Here and now, they don't know what to make of you."

"Okay, I'm done. You're talking too much."

"Do you think being like this is okay?"

"Like what? Huh? I'm a woman who likes sex! Just like you crinkly ball motherfuckers. It's okay for you but not for me? What a bunch of bullshit. Move out of my way." He didn't resist as she pushed past him. 

"Briony-ssi."

"Kiss my ass." His feet started to follow her again and his presence now full-out angered her. Who the hell was he to talk to her all self-righteous and shit? Sighing in relief as the taxi pulled up, he pushed past her and opened the door. 

"Get in, safely." 

"Fuck you." The door slammed shut and soon the taxi drove away. 

*** 

Byun Eun-woo was everywhere. She saw his face every damn where. His favorite time was on Sunday at 12 noon on the church channel, a channel she heavily avoided. But flipping through it, she'd caught the glimpse of him and couldn't help herself. She didn't care about religion, didn't care much about Christianity, even though she'd been raised Baptist. God and her never seemed to mix well so she gave up. Besides, God wasn't what she was thinking about this Sunday afternoon as she watched him preach. 

He was dressed in business casual, his hair put up into a small ponytail. Glasses on his face, his eyes read from the bible, voice different from that night in Itaewon. Full of power, yet calm. Confident that what he said was true. Lips smiled at all the women in the audience. Thirsty bitches. They weren't fooling anybody. She knew why they flocked to his pews. Anybody with eyes could see that he was insanely attractive. He had an androgyny thing going on, though he definitely leaned heavily on the masculine side. 

Church boy Byun Eun-woo. Preacher man Byun Eun-woo. Licking her lips, she watched his hands take hold of the pulpit edge. A part of her told her to leave him alone. And yet, there was another part of her that wanted to break him. 

*** 

Briony Cayenne. He'd remembered her name because he had never heard one like it. He'd remembered her because she was truly unforgettable. Vulgar and brash, with a mouth like a sailor in the military. Women like her were a rare sight, at least, in his society. 1997 Korea was changing. Evolving in sound and pop culture. The presence of more blacks brought with it urban hip-hop sounds and r&b. But still, the mass populace had never seen or been around a black person. Only the elderly had remembrance of the tall strapping men in army uniforms with black faces. And yet, hers was quite lovely to look at. Eyes now looking past the women of his congregation who crowded around him, he found her standing just outside the glass doors. 

"Please join me next week, ladies. I have a special speaker with a message I think will bless you."

"We cannot wait, Pastor Byun." Smiling at them, he came to the door, gently pushing it open with a palm. 

"Briony Cayenne." She seemed pleased he remembered her. 

"Eun-woo." 

"Are you going to stand outside or come in?" Scrunching up her nose in disgust, she scoffed. 

"Churches aren't my thing."

"But you came here anyway?"

"I saw you on the tv and wanted to see if it was really true."

"If what was true?"

"If you were really a virginal church boy." His provocatively plush lips smiled. 

"Have you eaten?" His question made her blink. 

"Don't deflect my statement."

"I am celibate and I value sexual purity."

"So you're not a virgin."

"No. I'm not." He confirmed with a slight chuckle. 

"Interesting."

"Enough of that. Seriously. You didn't leave your house to come here to ask that."

"Actually, I did." Her eyes teased and her voice was dead serious which made him lift a hand to rustle his hair. 

"The women in this cult you have don't look happy that you're out here talking to me." At that, he turned to find the women he'd been talking to staring dead at them. 

"Bad experience with the church I take it?"

"You could say that."

"I'm sorry to hear that. That makes me sad."

"Save it, Pastor." She said, voice now mocking his title. 

"I wanna know why you're celibate. Is it cause God told you to be or is there another reason?" 

"You're quite... sex focused aren't you, Briony Cayenne?" Her pillowy lips smirked. 

"Very. But you know that by now, right?" 

"Sex isn't everything."

"Hm."

"I wonder what you're hiding from?" At his question, she froze. 

"Excuse me?"

"Sex. You use it to hide. But from what I wonder, hm?" 

"Don't... don't read me! You'll never figure me out, Eun-woo."

"I'm not trying to figure you out."

"Yeah, you are."

"Why are you here in Korea? Do you have family here?" 

"Gawddamn it. I shouldn't have come here." Ignoring his questions, she quickly went back the way she came, to the taxi stop, heart beating a mile a minute. His eyes watched her go and he turned back towards the members of his church who had all gathered at the door. 

"Pastor Byun, who's that black lady?"

"Do you know her?" 

*** 

Three months. She hadn't seen him. He hadn't seen her. Three long miserable months. Her depression was starting to really mess with her. Why are you here in Korea? His question had spun like wash, rinse and repeat over and over again. His face over and over. His smile, his low soft calm voice. It egged her, irritated her... pissed her off. When the day had been hard at the hagwon and she dressed in skin-tight holographic dresses, got lost in the crowd of eagerly searching fingers and hands that felt her up, lifted the same dress, face down ass up, letting wanton needy moans free as some unknown stranger railed her against the pissy cigarette smelling bathroom wall. Do you have family here? 

Her tears were her family. Slightly limping now out of the club, she waited by the entrance, ready for the next move of the evening. Take a little shot of soju, take a little E, got from the black market of course, and shit, she felt like she'd astro project out of her body from all the wild sloppy messy fucking coming her way. She was an addict in the worst way and she didn't wanna stop. 

When she'd get in the shower, having seen all the teeth marks and hickeys on her neck, and titties, she'd cry... feeling so alone. She hated that fucking feeling. Like it wasn't enough. Like she wanted... needed more. 

Why was she here in Korea? Of all places, why here? Because she wanted to run away. She hated her family... hated that they talked shit about her, everybody but her momma. Called her fat, a slob, and said nobody would want her big fat black ass. Why'd she come to Korea? To prove them motherfuckers wrong. Said food got her good but what good was food when dick was better. She was a proud hoe. Turning off the water, she lifted her hands up to her face. She was a sad hoe. 

*** 

"You look sad." Jumping, she turned to find the bane of her existence behind her. 

"Where'd the fuck you come from?"

"I haven't seen you come by the church, Briony."

"I told you church wasn't my thing." It had been raining that day and the rain was cold, wind biting. Her dumb ass didn't bring a warm enough jacket, out here tryna be cute... tryna prepare for later tonight, and yet she had to bump into the pretty boy. 

"Going somewhere?" His eyes drifted down her dress, short and tight, her petite yet thick thighs exposed and her small feet in laced-up stilettos. 

"What business is it of yours?"

"I'm trying to be a gentleman here."

"I ain't ask you to." Nighttime, nightscape. City lights and passing cars. And yet his hand grabbed her arm as she pushed past him. 

"Come with me. I'll take you to dinner." Yanking her arm away, she sneered at him. 

"I'm way too expensive for you, baby. You can't afford this." A slow smirk popped up onto his mouth and the arousal that hit her made her coochie hurt. Damn, he was fine. As fuck. There, she admitted it. She wanted to sit on his face so fucking bad. And she hated it. Hated the unexplainable attraction that she felt for this complete stranger that was starting to be not so strange. Undeniable magnetism seemed to live in his eyes. 

He didn't say anything as he removed his jacket and placed it up on her head, shielding her from the rain. He didn't bother or seem to care that he now was starting to get wet from the pelting. Droplets wet the lens of his glasses and fog appeared, making him reach up to remove them too. 

"Say yes."

"What?"

"I'm not going to accept a no from you."

"Well, aren't you pushy, preacher man." 

"You're way too pretty to be standing out here alone. God only knows what could happen."

"Indeed he does," 

"Come on."

"My momma told me not to go with strangers." That made him chuckle some, and he extended his hand, palm side up and open, waiting. A gust of wind made her shiver and she slowly lifted her hand, fingers pausing slightly before being closed up inside of his own. 

*** 

She was gorgeous. He'd observed that from day one. Plenty of dark brown skin made him think of night skies and stars. Her brown almond-shaped eyes were naturally expressive and sensual. Medium size nose, nostrils that seemed to flare slightly, again, naturally. White teeth that he didn't get to see much hidden behind thick succulent lips lined with brown lip liner and clear gloss. More brown, more earth, and yet she closed herself up like a crab underneath its shell. 

She stood out like a sore thumb and it was anyone's guess how she managed to look... like this every single time she stepped outside. So tight, it appeared like sparkly silver paint, the dress dripped down all over her abundantly curvy body. Sitting across from her, he watched as she tossed back a shot of soju. The place was far from luxurious, a regular mom-and-pop shop. Comfort foods like Tteokbokki, Kimbap and Sullungtang, chicken, and domestic and imported beers. One of his favorite places to go to unwind, and de-stress. 

Nearly everyone broke their necks when they'd entered and even though he'd buttoned up his jacket that still remained on her body after her utter refusal to, her bare legs seemed to attract attention. He'd chosen the farthest table away from everyone, and under the bright fluorescent lights and tin roof, she began to unbutton his jacket, keeping it around her shoulders. 

Her eyes watched as he poured himself some soju and lifted it to his mouth to drink. 

"The pastor drinks?" A single eyebrow lifted as he swallowed the liquor, neatly lining up his metal chopsticks. 

"Why do you hate the church so much?" He asked, placing some of the freshly cooked meat he'd boiled onto a small bed of scooped rice. Dipping it into his soup, he quietly ate, eyes lifting to hers. 

"The church is full of hypocrites. Holier-than-thou bastards who only use their platform to abuse and exploit." 

"Not all of them are holier-than-thou bastards, Briony."

"Tuh," 

"What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?"

"Something happened to make you have disdain for the church." 

"I don't feel like answering that personal ass question." He blew on his soup and ate some, eyes now crinkled up in a smile. 

"That's too personal for the woman who on the first day we met told me she wanted to suck my dick?" Her mouth gaped open as he full-out laughed, teeth straight and white. Perfect like the rest of him. 

"How's that hardly fair? You pester me but I can't pick at you?" 

"No," Grunting, he lifted his now half-empty cup to his mouth to drink. 

"I think that's enough for you, don't you think? Good boys like you shouldn't drink." 

"I'm not a good boy. Not by far." Arousal had her by the neck and it had her hot at the nape as he deliberately tossed the rest of it back, eyes now singling in on her. 

"I'm a man. I'm a human being." He continued, voice quiet. 

"Well well well, are you getting drunk preacher man?" He didn't answer, gaze setting her skin on fire as he glanced down her body. 

"I like the way you're looking at me. Be careful, now. You wouldn't want me taking it the wrong way."

"Why do you dress like that?" He asked the question so casually it made her chuckle.

"Cause I can." 

"You don't need to." 

"Ha, what are you now, my father? Jesus,"

"I'm just telling you that you should leave something to be desired. That's all."

"Leave something to be desired? That from one of your sermons?" Smiling to himself, his gaze trailed fireworks up what of her dress that was uncovered, his jacket now hanging behind her on the chair. 

"Your beauty is wasted on your trashy fashion choices. Real men want something left to fantasize about." 

"Real men or are we just talking about you?" Sighing, he sat back in his chair. 

"You fight me so hard. Why?"

"Cause I want to fuck you so hard and you're not letting me. Instead, we're sitting here while you complain about my dress. Wouldn't it be better on your bedroom floor?" He lifted his arms to cross them, his dark gaze intense. 

"If I took you right now out the back, shoved you against one of those grimy ass walls, and fucked you, what good would that do?" Call her crazy but she wasn't expecting him to actually say it, he seemed too much of an angel to say something as filthy as 'fuck'. Her shocked silence turned into a slight pout. 

"Of course, we'd go back to my apartment and fuck again. The night would turn to day. You'd leave and we'd both feel like shit." Lifting his drink to his mouth, he watched the swells of her chest rise and fall from how hard she was breathing. 

"Is that really what you want? You want bragging rights. To say you broke down the good Christian boy, the preacher man. I see clearly what you're about, Briony Cayenne." She looked annoyed now and mirrored him, crossing her arms.

"You see what all them thirsty ass bitches in your congregation are about too? They wanna fuck the socks off you." 

"I'm far from blind. I am well aware."

"And? What are you doing about it?" 

"Sometimes, there comes a time when you must rebuke firmly, while still in love. You must say no. You must say enough."

"What?" 

"I've dismissed them from the church. They won't be back."

"Ooh, tough guy."

"And you? Aren't you tired of it? Proving people right?"

"The hell do you mean by that?"

"If you dress like a slut and walk like a slut, then I'm sure you can complete that sentence,"

"You're really representing your God well right now. Calling women sluts and shit."

"You're taking offense to what I'm saying. That's fine, sweetheart." He poured himself another shot. 

"Sex cannot take away everything. It can only mask it for a little while."

"And this is where I leave," Starting to stand up, she grabbed her purse, food now ignored. 

"You've been fucked long enough physically, hm? You don't really need that." Pausing, she stopped walking. 

"You yearn for something more... something else. Right?" The wind from the wet rainy night caused her to tremble and she shuddered, lifting to hug herself... protect herself. 

"Tell me, when has a man ever emotionally fucked you, hm?" Jacket now drier than at the start of the evening, she found it once again draped across her shoulders. She bit into her bottom lip as his voice rumbled against her ear. 

"When's the last time a man touched your mind? Fingered your intellect? Stimulated and aroused you without lifting a finger?" Now breathless, his presence withdrew from her. 

"I told you before that I'm human too, just like you. I recognize pain because I once was in pain. I'm still in pain sometimes."

"And your God miraculously saves you?"

"No. I had to get tired enough. I had to want better for myself."

"Hm."

"I'll call a taxi for you,"

"N-no need."

"No?"

"I'm- I actually live close b-by." 

"Oh?"

"Yeah." 

"Then, we'll walk."

"I don't need an escort." She really hated his pretty boy face. The way he smiled feigning innocence really fucking irked her. 

"I wasn't asking." 

*** 

Her heart couldn't stop beating against her chest like a tennis ball and she now felt her palms grow sweaty. This man could drag you out to the middle of nowhere and kill you. She'd peeped him, even though at all times he made sure to not wear anything that would cause too much attention to himself. He worked out. The way the jacket stretched across his shoulders and biceps told her that. Maybe that's what he meant by leaving something to be desired. Watching him walk up ahead of her and then turn back to look at her made her coochie throb. What was it about him?

"Almost there?" He asked, voice quiet.

"Yeah, up to your right."

"Cool." He'd seen some things. He'd done some things. Those once dangerously seductive eyes of his told her that. Maybe that's what excited her the most. Knowing that even the perfect Christian was not all that perfect. He'd once been just as dirty and filthy as she was. 

He waited until she grew closer to him before turning and starting to walk again. This time side by side. 

"I apologize for tonight, Briony."

"Why?"

"I drank way too much soju tonight."

"Not enough I think."

"I offended you with my forwardness."

"You did. But... I guess you're right."

"You're not...I don't look at you like that. Please know that."

"Don't you?" He looked down at her. 

"Don't lie to me, Pastor." He didn't move away as she lifted to pull his arm against her, till it pressed nice and snug against her titties. 

"You want these thick thighs wrapped around you. You ain't gotta deny that." He didn't say anything else, slipping his hands inside of his pockets. They'd begun to walk slowly. 

"You know, you never answered my question. Not fully."

"About what?"

"What you're doing here in Korea?" 

"Does not knowing bother you?"

"Not knowing much about you bothers me." 

"What's there to know? You're a preacher man and I'm a hoe from the States. That's all there is to it." Letting go of his arm, she sighed before taking a step up the stairs of the apartment building. Judging by the poor conditions, he could only make a guess that it was where other foreigners like her lived. 

"Thanks for the walk home."

"It's nothing."

"Well, I'm gonna be even sadder now. Shit, I ate good but I'm going in without dessert." 

"You'll live, Briony."

"Might go back out later just to get some." 

"Come by the church again sometime."

"Nah,"

"You might be surprised,"

"Hm." She pouted, the action making him grin. 

"You're actually precious, you know that. Wow."

"Wow, my booty cheek. You're annoying."

"Do you have a pager?"

"If I do?"

"Could I have your number?"

"Would having my number be Christ-like, Eun-woo?" 

"On my part, yeah."

"And on my part?"

"Well, we'll have to work on that." He made the move to reach for his pager but she beat him to it, slipping her hand down his side and over to the front of him. Laying her hand flat against his thigh, she slowly moved it upward, lifting an eyebrow. That certainly wasn't his pager. He took a step closer as her touch glided up across the thick shape, nostrils slightly flaring, dark eyes narrowed. Reaching down, he grabbed her hand. 

"Somethin' you wanna tell me, angel boy?"

"Nothing you didn't already feel." He breathed loudly, cheeks growing pink. 

"Is that gonna get you to heaven or hell?" He placed her hand further up than it had once been and her fingers plucked up the pager fastened to the yoke of his jeans. Lifting it upward, he finally released her hand, watching as she typed in her number. 

"You can always page me when that gets to be too much for you." Both hands now fell back down at his hips, re-fastening the pager. 

"Goodnight, Pastor." Lifting a finger or two, he caressed her cheek. 

"Goodnight, Briony Cayenne." 

*** 

"In the Amplified Bible, Hosea 1:2 says, When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to him, "Go, take for yourself a wife of prostitution and have children of [her] prostitution; for the land commits great acts of prostitution by not following the Lord. Verse three reads, So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son." His voice was clear and it spread throughout the room. Slipping in from the back, she picked a seat that no one sat in, hands pressed tight together. 

"What sense did it make for God to tell Hosea, a prophet, to marry a prostitute? Surely, God wouldn't have told his servant to marry a whore." Some of the people shifted uncomfortably in the pews. It was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. 

"Even more so, why would God tell his servant to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him? We get so caught up in the prostitute part that we fail to catch that last bit. Imagine being told to marry a man or woman that would, in fact, cheat on you. Have extramarital affairs. That's heavy, right?"

"Yes sir."

"What if I told you that God telling Hosea to marry a whore wasn't even about him marrying the whore in the first place? What if I told you that God desired to divinely illustrate the relationship between His own relationship with Israel?" Murmurs sounded quietly in the audience. 

"What an honor to have one's life used for the Glory of God, right? Let's be honest. All of us have at one point in our lives prostituted ourselves. You have. You." His eyes lifted upward from pages of his sermon. 

"I have." More murmurs. 

"I don't stand here as a perfect person. That's not my job. But God has need of me... He has use of my life. Commanding me to teach His people of the freedom that Jesus' death gave us all...that in Him all of our sins were forgiven the moment they nailed him to the Cross. At that moment, by His shed blood, we were freed, made white as snow, given the opportunity to have eternal life." Lowering his fingers, he flipped a page.

"I'm sure that just like we are human, so was Hosea. He was a prophet of God, yes, he was His mouthpiece, yes. But he was human. Watching his wife sleep with other men... maybe women too we'll never know. Any one of us would have called it quits. Divorced. Hosea I'm sure at one time thought about doing the same thing. But he truly loved his wife. He still desired to be with her, love her, and work through it with her. That's something." He released a contemplative sigh before continuing. 

"Through his life, we see that his forgiving and loving nature is representative of how God feels about us. When we go into the world and make other things, people, objects, places, and even ourselves gods before Him, God still loves us. He wants us to return to his arms, as Our Father. No matter what you've done. No matter what you think you've done. There is nothing that can separate us from His love... if we don't let it." Closing his Bible, he smiled as the congregation stood, clapping. She, however, sat there still, eyes watching as he continued,

"To all of the visitors with us today, God bless you. If the word resonated within you today and you feel led to sow into our ministry, please give at any time. We're not here for money, of course, but any seed will be appreciated to keep us going." He soon stepped off of the stage and began to engage with members of his church. Swallowing, she stood up. Why were her hands shaking? Keeping her head down, she reached for her purse and turned to bee-line it to the door. 

"Briony!" Fuck. Freezing, she slowly turned to see his bright smiling face approaching, the usual flock of women, mostly newer faces sprinkled in with some men around him like a cloud. 

"Hey." 

"You actually came." His smile was kilowatt and it nearly blinded her. 

"Well... you... you invited me so..."

"Hey, isn't this that lady you were talking to a while back, Pastor Byun?" Eyes drifted down her body. 

"She actually has on clothes this time." 

"What we aren't going to do, Marie, is judge anyone unrightfully. Apologize to our visitor. Please." He still looked friendly but that voice, honey, was not happy. 

"Ah, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's cool, Marie? Yeah. Um, I'm gonna go. I was just passing through." Turning to walk away, she hurried out the same way she came. A slow breath left his mouth and he swallowed tightly, glancing toward Marie. 

"Sorry, Pastor. I didn't mean to insult her. I just...not many women look like her here and she really didn't have much on. It's not appropriate for you to talk to women like her." 

"I'll speak with you privately, a little later okay?" The woman deflated, now embarrassed red cheeks. 

"Of course," 

*** 

82-9213-0910 

Meet me for coffee. 

2050 Namdaemun-ro.

*** 

Don't go. Save yourself the embarrassment, B. Though her mind told her to stay home, she found herself showering and getting dressed anyway. She didn't have much in her closet that didn't show skin but she'd managed to throw something together quickly. A white mock neck crop top, some mom jeans, and an oversized grey-white checkered flannel shirt. She'd twisted her hair a couple of nights ago and pulled them up into a small pony. You gon regret this. 

*** 

Readjusting the chain to her small purse, she entered the coffee shop, all eyes on her. Eyes downcast, she bowed to the hostess that did not bow back and scurried past her. Swallowing, she lifted her eyes to look around at all the eyes on her. 

"Briony," Turning towards the voice, she found him standing by a table, all the way in the back. Good. Relief washed over her and she began to head his way. Her palms were starting to grow sweaty again, just by looking at him. What the hell is my problem? He pulled out her seat, waiting for her. 

"You ain't have to do that."

"I wanted to. Come on, sit down." Pursing her lips, she slowly sat in the chair. 

"Make this quick, preacher boy."

"Got someplace to be?"

"If I do?" He resumed his seat and took a sip of his iced latte. 

"I'm glad you came." 

"I almost didn't." He seemed to understand and took another sip of his coffee. She sat there, heart racing. He looked nice and cozy, in a grey sweatshirt and a pair of fitted denim jeans. A matching denim jacket and a baseball cap he'd flipped backward. 

"What she said... Marie... I-"

"Don't apologize for her. She's a grown woman."

"Yes. But I am her pastor. It reflects on me." At that, she was quiet again, looking up at the waitress that came to ask if she wanted anything but water. Watching her walk away to retrieve an iced caramel macchiato, she let her eyes fall back onto him. 

"Your sermon that day. It was... interesting to say the least." 

"Good interesting or bad interesting?" Balling up her lips, she toyed with the chain strap to the purse in her lap. 

"It was good, I guess." A napkin was placed on the table and so was her drink. 

"Briony,"

"What?"

"Look at me?" She couldn't. 

"I wanna apologize too."

"For what?"

"Cause... cause you're right. I... I only went along with this because I wanted to sleep with you." Her fingers gripped the chain now. 

"You're... you're different. I can't mess with you. I won't mess with you." 

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw something you know. When you were up there preaching. This bright ass light all around you. It was... it scared me." Taking a breath, she dared to look up at him now. 

"You're... you're really a pure person, Eun-woo. I'm... I'm not. I'm dirt." Sighing, he pushed back his chair. 

"I knew you would say that. You can't help but degrade yourself, huh?" 

"What are you-" Coming to stand behind her, he lifted a hand up to her chin, pulling her head back. Looking down into her eyes, the smile on his face was gentle. 

"You weren't listening to what I was saying."

"But-"

"I'm filthy without His grace." Letting go of her chin, he pressed his hand flat against the table. 

"I need His grace every time we're together."

"Do you?"

"Mmhm." Though he hadn't touched her much, she felt like he had, her body shivering and starting to sweat under the weight of his gaze. 

"Without it, I'd have done impure things to you. Unholy things." Her breath caught in her throat. Lifting up away from her, he slipped his hands into his pockets as she lifted a hand to fan herself. 

Smirking now, he resumed his seat, eyes playful. 

"I want to dismantle the perception that we're perfect beings today." Taking a sip of his coffee, he cleared his throat. 

"You go first," 

*** 

"Damn mama, you lookin thick in them jeans. Gawddamn." 

"How old is she?"

"Shit, she only 14? Baby, somebody better hide her. These boys out here gon scoop her up." 

*** 

It was crazy how easy it was. To just let loose. Open her mouth and start talking. Even crazier how the touch of his hand against hers seemed to be more than enough, everything that she needed. 

"I didn't have an abnormal childhood. I just...always had more than other girls, ya know? Guess I attracted male attention from an early age." His thumb stroked the back of her hand as she continued, 

"I was real innocent at first. Met this guy. Fell head over heels in love with him. Young, dumb and full of cum as my grandma used to say. He was my first and ever since then, I've been tryna escape men like him. But... that's all that seem to want me. Ya know? You know you deserve better... you know you want more... but you just... feel stuck." Taking a shaky breath, she swore to God she wasn't going to cry, not in front of these strangers, not in front of this kinda stranger but not stranger. But it was too late. The tears had already started falling down her cheeks. 

"I used to be a good girl.. a good little church girl. On Sundays with my grandma and all that...But... I guess along the way, I saw too much stuff... and it made me wonder why Jesus never stopped any of it. Why God never saved any of them." She sniffed.

"I guess a part of me, deep down... I can't let go of it. Of God. Even though... I want to hate Him, I've turned my back on Him so many times out of anger and shit... but...but-"

"You feel like all you've done has formed this barrier, keeping you from Him, right?" "Yeah." 

"I know exactly what you mean. I wasn't like this either." Lifting teary eyes upward, she listened to him. 

"I grew up with a drunk father. He used to beat my mom a lot. Me too. Until I got tired of it." His thumb paused against the back of her hand. 

"I started boxing when I was 13. Kept that up for a few years, and got my strength up. One night, I came home to my father raping my mother."

"Oh God..."

"I beat the shit out of him, almost killed him that night. It took my mother to stop me." 

"Eun-woo..."

"I made myself a promise to never be like him. I'd always be better than him. I'd always be a gentleman. No matter what." It was her now that took hold of his hand. 

"After that, I got a job, and tried to be the man he never had been but it was hard. Hard at 16 to try to support both your mother and yourself. Eventually, I had to drop out of school. Working late nights, I ran into some really bad guys." 

"What was wrong with your mom? She couldn't work?"

"She had grown so afraid of people... it incapacitated her."

"Wow,"

"Yeah."

"I'm...damn." 

"I got caught up with these thugs, they drank all the time. They smoked all the time. They were older than I was but I wanted to belong.. somewhere. Anywhere. We'd cruise late-night side streets and down into the red light district, looking for girls to pick up. Sometimes, we had luck. Others, no dice. Eventually, they dared me to lose my virginity. So, I did." She couldn't control the shock that bled into her features. 

"I told you that I wasn't perfect. I'm far from perfect, sweetheart." Letting go of his hand, she now gripped her own in her lap. 

"God does His best work in broken vessels. It's like He takes people who are ugly and ripped to pieces and re-works them... puts all their broken pieces back together and makes a new version of them. Then, all brand new, then He uses them for His glory."

"Yeah." 

"We were supposed to meet the way we did. I'm convinced...convinced this is God's doing." At that, she grinned suddenly, rolling her eyes. 

"The preacher and the whore. Gimme a break. You deserve a goody-two-shoes who has faith like you." By now her iced coffee had melted down till it was trash. 

"I would like you to come back... to our church. I think you'd really grow there... if you let yourself."

"Hm... I..." Don't know. 

"I'll think about it." 

"That's all I ask for." His pager began to beep and he sighed. 

"They need me at the church."

"By all means, duty calls." He pushed his chair back a second time and stood up. She followed suit and they bowed to the waitress, placing their money on the tabletop. 

"Do you um... have time to walk me home?" His cheeks grew pink. 

"Of course." 

*** 

He wasn't sure what purpose this would serve. What good would come out of this. Watching the small woman turn around and face him, walking backwards, he felt himself smile. 

"We're gonna have to work on the way you talk about yourself. You know that right?" 

"How do I talk about myself?" 

"You keep calling yourself a whore. Stop saying that." 

"Oookay so what do you call somebody who sleeps with a lot of people?" 

"Do you want to continue to sleep with a lot of people?" 

"Not.. necessarily." 

"Hm." 

"Why?" Slipping hands into his hoodie pocket, he smirked. 

"I don't know, I've heard sleeping with one person can be pretty great." 

"Nah, what if that one person sucked in bed? God." Turning on her heel, she began to walk properly. 

"He'd have to put me to sleep. I wouldn't accept anything less."

"Hm." 

"Yeah, let's change topics. Talking about this with you is weird." 

"I'm just Eun-woo, an 80s baby and comic geek."

"Yeah and I'm Briony, 80s baby and cousin of the Queen."

"We're practically the same age, you know."

"Yeah but I don't run a whole church." 

"And I still don't know what I'm doing. Figuring it out as I go. Ah shh, don't let them know that. I don't want them to find out." 

"You're an idiot." The two of them shared a small laugh and soon her raggedy apartment came into view. 

"Looks like this is the end of the road, preacher man." 

"I enjoy our time together." Swallowing a bucket of sand, she opened her small purse and fished for her keys. 

"Yeah, me too. When you're not being a weirdo."

"Me, a weirdo? Nah." 

"Yeah, okay." Her heart began to thump against her chest as she heard his footsteps follow her upstairs. Turning at the top of them, she now gripped her keys. 

"Isn't this like your cue to leave me alone now?" 

"You gotta get inside first."

"Jesus, you're like an overprotective dog." Sucking her teeth, she went to her door. 

"Who came up with the name Briony? Your mom or your dad?" His voice was right behind her and she bit into the side of her cheek. 

"Dad."

"Hm. It's really pretty." 

"Eun-woo,"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?" 

"Just wondering if I can put you to sleep." His body was way too close all at once, pressed up against her. Lifting a hand, he pressed it against her door, the size of it covering the 9A that covered the front. 

"You've lost your mind, man." 

"Maybe. But," A lone finger tilted her head back. 

"I'm just... trying to see something."

"See what?" An audible gasp left her mouth as his lips pressed a soft little peck against her forehead. 

"You're so beautiful." He whispered against the bridge of her nose. And there, smooth and so soft, his lips kissed the cute little button. 

"You're worthy. Of Love. Happiness. Wholeness." Each word ended with a kiss here and kiss there. She tried to speak but she couldn't, trapped in between him and the door. 

"You're allowed to feel desire, sweetheart. It's okay." His voice electrified every nerve ending in her body and it drove her crazy, just how badly she wanted him to touch her. Her eyes opened, and looked up at him. 

"I desire you too," Slowly, like in one of those romance movies, he lowered his head and their lips met gently not a moment later. Their first kiss was sweet. Light. Made her feel... delicate... breakable. Like he could smash her into pieces but chose not to. Innocent. Pure feeling. It made her eyes tear up because she'd never been kissed like that before... Her breath asked for another, such clear and honest communication, her eyes now fluttered closed. Another he allowed, sweet and light like air. 

"One more?" He breathed against her mouth, feeling her head nod against his chest. The third and final kiss sent a jolt of pleasure straight to her coochie. Shit. It started out good but once she felt one of his hands leave the door and fingers curl around her throat, she almost lost it. Their sweet little kisses of before were gone now, and a slow dance of lips and tongue and teeth threatened to incinerate her to ash. She opened her mouth a little wider, opened herself up for him to explore her. The vibration of her muffled moan against his mouth and the increasingly sensual energy that lay between them made him separate at once, their lips bruised and bitten, yearning... wanting more. 

Letting his hands slide away from her completely, he created distance between their bodies. His fingers gripped the inside of his jeans once his hands hid away in his pockets. The expression on her face was blissful and dreamy and slowly, her eyes opened. Biting her bottom lip, she grew the cutest shade of red and lifted shaky keys to unlock her door. 

"Um... Uh... so... um..." She stuttered, now licking her lips. 

"I'll make sure this doesn't happen again." She could hear her heart now in her ears. 

"I just... I had to know." 

"Know what?" Giving her a cute little smile, he bowed his head out of respect and started to head down the steps. She watched him until he disappeared out of sight and with a quick fan to herself, let herself in. What the hell was that?