“A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.”
Teach For America. . I remember camp so well. This is by far the most eloquently written story I have found in a while. The characters are so good. The plot while not uncommon it is done so well here. He obviosly has feelings for her, but like most men he wants the best of both worlds. I like that racial attitudes are woven but not central to the flow. I especially enjoy the dialogue. Real, true and authentic lacking the generic qualities of other works.
I understand Charley. I would like to see Ryder. Maybe as a sequel. I want her voice more because thiis a real journey. Her trust issues, how she will manage, how they will manage.
Reviewer: PaperRoses SignedYay! I love this story. The push and pull between two people with amazing chemistry with so much lying beneath the surface. Sex is meant to be passionate, and passion comes from security and love. You illustrated that perfectly. He is in love with her but for some reason it just is not happening for them. Charley, I respect the fact that she resisted. She caved but she at least recognized he had someone. Which begs the question: what is going on with him? Im really curious. Part of me believes he saw her that night, then left.
Thank you for the update.
Reviewer: PaperRoses SignedI rediscovered this story. So well written, the build up is great. I don't usually support pregnancy plots but in this case, the situation I very realistic. I hope you will be able to continue this wonderful gem at some point.
Reviewer: PaperRoses Signed
At some point, you'll have to eventually let your guard down.
First, I don't find Valerie annoying. She is real. Something lacking from most of the main female characters in IR fiction. She is an insecure woman with a host of issues going back to her childhood. A man is not going to magically erase all of that, nor would having weight loss surgery. Henry can be with her, he can love her, take care of her, but VALERIE will have to do this on her own. I appreciate your staying true to the character. Character driven storylines are tricky, most authors fail because they lose the narative, the voice of their creation.
Second, I really admire that you take time between updates, which means you are taking the time to tell your story. You can see every thought in the words. As a reader, I would love to see frequent updates, but I prefer quality over quantity.
I really enjoy the direction of this story. Thank you for sharing.
thank you so much! your comment made my day! and thank you for understanding the space between updates. yes, a man will not flush away insecurities at the drop of a hat. that was kind of my approach, i was afraid no one would notice. thank you so much.
Reviewer: PaperRoses SignedWow! I have to say this story floors me. I went back to read the prologue again. Based on this chapter and I believe 12, I get her thoughts. Val made a leap of faith, let her guard down and now we see she isnt the guarded one. She is so brave, possesses such strength it only comes out when you pay attention. Kudos to you! When a reader returns to read previous chapters and uncovers tidbits of foreshadowing... that is the hallmark of a wonderful writer.
Henry. He is messed up, most artists are. He and Ben are very similar, however Henry is so guarded. He is easy to fall for but difficult to maintain. He is a vvagabond, a drifter and a dreamer. A male torn between a man and a child. He is his father. I believe Henry is afraid of commitments because of hisbfather. He believes the he cant love a woman and his music. He chooses whats safe. He is in love with Val, has been from the moment he saw her. She was different, unique, and removed from . His world. Yet he is insecure. He isnt bothered by her insecurities because he is a modelizer. He is so messed up my heart breaks for him.
Valerie is a wonderful character. She is real. I have said this before, your storytelling is above par for this site and the genre. You are truly talented. Thank you for sharing. Happy writing and be blessed!
Reviewer: PaperRoses SignedFirst, yay for an update! Second, Val is absolutely right. Her attitude with genesis in her insecurities has been and is her biggest problem. I will say, this story is a study in nature v. nurture. Her parents had a lot to do with her attitude toward herself and others. It's like their view of the world permeated to create a sense of mistrust and negativity that bled into their children. It's sad. I feel as though Valerie was the easiest of their children to mold, to manipulate into perfection. Honestly not uncommon for well upper middle class and beyond blacks. There's a tendency to inoculate oneself in a never ending cycle of approvement. Valerie is trying to escape that cycle, hopefully she will.
I relate to Valerie because I was overweight. I did not have surgery but it is very easy to slip into a spiral. Once the weight is gone, what's left to hide you from the world? This is a journey for her.
Now this pains me to say, I dont want to admit this
but Val's mother has a point. Henry is a good guy. He is attractive, warm, funny, a hard worker. He is also aloof, nomadic, and a commitment phone. The source sucks but there is a valid point in there. Henry needs to settle down. If he wants Val he is going to have to show her. Not via sex. Not via flirtatious actions or in over the top ways. Hes going
have to show her by being there. Being settled. I dont know, committing to her? Women like Valerie crave stability and commitment. I know, I'm one. We like the wild bad boys, most will never date them but
when we do it is because they are different. They bring us out of ourselves. Yet we want them to commit and most are not there yet. Val's mom is neurotic, image obsessed, and cold but she has a point.
I really love the authenticity you bring. I'm not supposed to admit this but Harry Styles is hot and I can imagine Henry as Harry at 28. I really enjoy you
updates and I hope you feel encouraged to just leap. Into this.
One aside, I would love to see more with Val's family. I would like to see the uneven element of Henry with her family. The racial dynamic which I'm certain is at play. You are so good at being in depth, tthat's something I would love to see you explore. Also is there a chance for a Henry one off?
Thank you! Be blessed
I love well rounded characters! Henry is a grown up Harry Styles! Great dig at the fans and fics! I love this story for the simplicity and complexities. Val needs to stand but she needs someone to stand with her. Henry is so unselfish, loving, and he legitimately cares about her. I literally screamed when I saw the update.
Reviewer: PaperRoses Signed
Personally, I think one chapter from HPOV would be great. At the conclusion of the story, perhaps the epilogue. Maybe as a secondary continuantion. I see Unguarded as Valerie's journey. Selfishly I want to get into his head but at the same time, this is about her. I feel Henry deserves more than a single chapter because he has so much depth. There is so much to explore. I appreciate you reaching out to your audience for input. It shows a desire to really develop your craft. This is just my opinion
Reviewer: PaperRoses SignedDisclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
