Oh my! This was good--I am loving myself some Nicholi and Laura will be just what he needs.
Reviewer: Penelope Anonymous [Report This]Date: June 05 2013 06:33 pm
Loved this chapter! I'm wondering how being Nicholi's girlfriend will affect her safety?
Reviewer: AP Anonymous [Report This]Date: June 05 2013 05:36 pm
beautiful, but can you upload new chapters please.
Reviewer: cullensjonas Signed [Report This]Date: June 03 2013 12:44 am
Why you do that.please hurry and give us more...love tis sory...Laura is wonderful..
Reviewer: nightseer Signed [Report This]Date: May 01 2013 06:52 pm
Da' hell with Laura...lol? Did not expect that!
Reviewer: flikchick Signed [Report This]Date: May 01 2013 12:51 am
I'm glad she'll be able to protect herself when Nicholi's enemies find out about her. Thanks for the update, I'm enjoying your story.
Author's Response:
they both have enimes and it going to be on hell of a ride when everybody figures out what happening.
Thanks for reading and review. I hope you continue to enjay the story
Reviewer: Tootall Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 02:45 pm
great update
Author's Response:
Thanks, keep reading, reviewing amd enjoying the story.
Reviewer: lilsunseeker Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 02:34 pm
WOW! Excellent! Now go change those names. LOL
Author's Response:
I always planned to change Tomosoe but im gonna leave Nicholi as it is. Its grown on me and whats the point of writing a story if i dont get to have a little fun with it. You have been a great help.
Keep reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoy the story.
Reviewer: willieriley Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 07:50 am
There are a few things that have made your story more and more unreadable granted it's very entertaining and seems like a great storyline.
Your plot has been moving along at a faster pace and therefore more interesting.
The two things that make me crazy. And, one brand new thing that may get you sued.
(1) The spelling of "Tomosoe". Each and every thime I see it I have to stop and ask where'd the Japanese guy come from. There are no Italian names and maybe no Italian words that end in "soe". If you're wanting to use the Italian version of Thomas, it is simply "Tomaso". Or, to be different use "Tommaso"is also used."
(2) I don't know the name off the male love interest. The spelling of his name changes here and there. I will tell you that there is no such name as "Nicholi". That would be pronounced "Nee-show-lee". If that was your intention then so be it.
I believe you want the Russian version of "Nicholas", there are three acceptable spellings - Nikolas, Nicolas, and Nicholas.
These things make reading your story like riding over potholes. It's jarring and you want to stop the car.
Keep writing but mre importantly keep READING. Reading makes you a better writer, increases your vocabulary, and knowledge of the world.
In closing, I will say that most other languages aren't as flexible as Emglish with respect to given names. European and Anglo-Saxon personal names don't ebb and flow w/their culture and creative parents. Like who names their kid "Blanket" of "I want to be free" in other countries. Almost no one.
If you want to play around with names the two obvious and most flexible names are Greece and Russian. Their personal names have several nicknames. In English, most personal names don't have standard nicknames. In Italian, "John" could be Giovanni, Gian or Gianni - in Greek, Giannis w/a nickname of Yanni (what my 6th grade teacher called her son).
Brand new thing and LAWSUIT. There is a reason why publishers and writers change the names of their main characters - because they don't want to be SUED. So, Harlequin spends its name making up names for fictional countries, islands, and royal titles. Standard practice everyWHERE in the world is to never use the name of a real person. It's called LIBEL. In other countries (includes even England), the one writing the libelous information has to prove it to be true.
Now in your case, there's probably a 1% in .01% of them caring; HOWEVER, why link a Wikipedia page to your fictional erotic story.
If it's a true account, then don't worry about it. A link to Wiki is appropriate.
If you're going to write, might as well write clearly and smarter.
I'm sure I have 30 years on you so keep at and learn as you go. This info is educational.
Please, please! Change Tomosoe so I'll stop looking for the Asian guy. I don't know what Tomosoe means but it is used in Asia.
Author's Response:
the names were supposed to be tomaso and nicholai, both of which are actually italian and russian names respectively. I have been meaning to go through and change it but i have been putting it off. The link to wiki was not supposed to be there. Thanks for pointing that out.
Reviewer: willieriley Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 07:44 am
Damn shit got real very quickly, Laura my home girl, whipping out pistols on mobsters that what the hell I'm talking about this girl's got personality. I also find it funny that she said get out and take your sexy Italian with you I busted out laughing like wtf. Anyways your doing an awesome job with this story and keep it up.
Reviewer: SeriouslyMe Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 06:43 am
Wow. Talk about a curve ball. Laura ain't one to mess with. The sexy Italian likes her.
Reviewer: BellaChica Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 05:50 am
Love, love, love this update!!!
Laura is tha bomb.
Date: April 30 2013 05:48 am
Bravo! Laura can hold her own indeed and when Nicholi finds out that she is a member of the v club she may as well hang it up cause if he possessive now I hate to see how he is after he gets it.
Thanks for sharing.
Date: April 30 2013 05:31 am
Who is Laura?! It seems like Nicholi is the only one who real identity is known in this relationship and he's the criminal!
Author's Response:
Ikr, isnt that awsome...all the more fun when everything is revealed.
keep reading and reviewing. Hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Reviewer: Annie Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 05:21 am
What the hell just happened...lol?
Reviewer: flikchick Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 05:16 am
Excellent but too short.
Reviewer: Aiwen Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 05:03 am
Absolutely love this story please, please update soon
Reviewer: Bredreaway Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 04:57 am
I am loving Laura she is a strong sister. Nicholai you sexy beast you, can I have one just like him? I am wondering what other type of training has see had? So loving this story.
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 04:35 am
Niceeeee!
I WANT MORE!
Reviewer: Serenity Signed [Report This]Date: April 30 2013 04:30 am
Awesome chapter!!!
Reviewer: juno Signed [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 03:39 pm
Awesome chapter.
Reviewer: juno Signed [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 03:37 pm
Laura father is something. I wonder what role his job played in her mother's death? Also, where are Laura's bothers. Her family doesn'particularlly t seem close.
Reviewer: juno Signed [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 03:34 pm
I am so into this story. Now I want know more about Laura. Nicholi is just as intriguing. I barely wait for the two of them to hook up. The fireworks between them is explosive.
Reviewer: juno Signed [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 03:26 pm
Very intriguing. I can't wait to read more.
Reviewer: juno Signed [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 03:07 pm
I'm ready for the next update :-)
Reviewer: AP Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 28 2013 11:23 am