Chapter 11- Fucked and Abandoned with a Broken Heart

“You look stunning, Allegra.”

“Thank you, Christopher. You don’t look half-bad yourself.” She commented politely, a small smile gracing her features.

We were in my car, on our way to Isobel’s beach party. Allegra was wearing a beautiful white summer dress with spots of different shades of blue that stopped just above her toned legs, which by the way were driving me crazy. However, I couldn’t go gaga over her. We had problems to solve. And I had to drive.

I sighed, desperate to know what was troubling her. “Did I do anything wrong, Allegra? If I have done anything that upset you in any way, please, forgive me. It wasn’t in my intentions.” I made the first move. I was tired of this situation I wanted my friend back.

“You did nothing wrong, Fitzie. It just isn’t the best of times for me. I get incredibly paranoid when April approaches. It reminds me of how fragile human beings are and I become a real bitch. I’m sorry.” She explained. Her hand rested on top of my right one. She squeezed, and I squeezed back

“You can talk to me, whenever you need someone, or if something else is not okay…” I looked at her, eyes filled with concern.

“Everything is okay. Trust me”

“No problems?”

“Not that I know of.” She shrugged.

I knew she was lying but I decided to not press her on the matter. When she would be ready, she would tell me herself.

“Here we are” I grinned at her. A line of cars was parked all the way to Isobel’s beach house.

“Great!” Allegra said with fake enthusiasm.

“You don’t even know Isobel. What did she ever do to you?” I inquired cautiously.

“I’m just concerned about you. That’s all.” She reasoned. She wasn’t telling me the whole truth.

I sighed in defeat. There was no way she would tell me what was wrong.

I parked my car before killing the engine and stepping outside. I closed the door behind me and went to the passenger’s side to open the door for Allegra. She smiled back in sign of gratitude.

She took my hand in hers and together we walked towards the front door. I was thrilled by her gesture, but I decided against asking her about it, afraid she would deprive me from this simple physical contact that was making me all warm inside.

I was going to ring the doorbell when Isobel opened the door and hugged me tight.

“Oh Chris.” She whispered before kissing my cheek

Allegra broke our contact. I tried to hide my disappointment.

“It’s been too long.” Isobel smiled warmly at me.

I chuckled. “It was last week, Isobel, that we last saw each other, remember?”

“Whatever” she pursed her lips and then noticed Allegra standing right beside me. “Is she who I think she is?” she inquired cautiously. Her voice full of barely controlled excitement.

I merely nodded.

“Allegra, I can’t believe we finally meet each other. Chris told me so much about you. I’m so sorry we didn’t get to get to know each other before. I have to say that you look amazing.” She giggled in the end.

Allegra tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“Nice to meet you too, Isobel. Chris has equally told me a lot about you.” She faked smile. “Where can I find the bathroom?”

“Down the corridor, right-hand side.” Isobel instructed.

Allegra nodded and excused herself.

“Damn, she’s hot.” She smirked at me.

“I know.” I sighed dreamily.

“And I think she’s jealous. If she could she would have sent me daggers, but because you’re not her property, at least not yet, she didn’t. Poor creature, she doesn’t realize she’s whipped.” She grinned.

I stared at her as if she was stupid. “Are you aware of the fact that you’re talking absolute non-sense?”

“Shut up!” she hit me and pouted.

Once she closed the front door behind me, she led me in her house and introduced me to many people. I tried to be as sociable as possible, but it was hard if we consider my antisocial and socially awkward standard behavior.

Allegra spent the majority of the night with Laurence and Giselle, dancing and chatting. Although she looked happy, I still felt worried about her.

I sighed and kept talking to Isobel’s best friend, Cecile, who also happened to be Emilien’s sister. I also noticed that Emilien was colder to me. I mean I knew that he normally behaved like me but I couldn’t understand how we went to almost becoming friends to him basically ignoring me and glaring at me. Maybe it had to do with Isobel? Who knows...?

“So Chris, Isobel told me that you didn’t dance all night. What’s wrong with you?” she giggled.

“Not a fan of dancing, sorry.” I raised my hands in mock surrender.

“Oh…Allegra’s approaching” Isobel smirked.

I turned around just in time to see her walking up to me. Gosh, the woman could walk.

“Hey guys.” She gave us a shy smile. “Chris, do you want to dance with me? I just asked the DJ if he had one of my Beatles’ favorite songs, and he has it!”

I grinned; the excitement I felt couldn’t be explained. “Sure, lead the way.”

Memories of when we had danced together resurfaced to my mind: at the club, after which we almost- yes, unfortunately just almost- had sex, or at Giselle and Laurence’s engagement party where she kissed me.

We reached the wood dance floor at the centre of the garden and the song started.

“I want you…I want you so bad…”

Shit. This song is great. My arms went around her waist and pulled her as close as possible to me. Our bodies were glued together. Her arms went around my neck.

This was no 21st century club song, however, our bodies were moving as one in a sensual dance that made me forget where we were.

What could I say about the song choice other than it perfectly described what I was thinking now, what I’ve been thinking since I first met her. I wanted, want her. Not only physically, though. I wanted to fuse myself with her at a mental level as well. I wanted her mine, I wanted her to be the one I had my children with, the one I waited down the aisle for, the one I grew old with. I was completely and hopelessly lost. My psyche couldn’t control my emotions anymore. I was so in love with her that I would do anything for her. My heart wasn’t mine anymore. It was hers, hers to do as she pleased. And I knew that she was going to break it, because although I couldn’t deny that she was attracted to me, she loved her late husband, and she would never love me that way.

She whispered in my ears the lyrics of the song. If you asked me who sang it better, I would say she was the best. However, you can tell that my judgment is clearly one-sided. But the raw emotion was there, in her voice. Her eyes were fixed on mine. I sighed in contentment.

She turned around and I was now facing her back. My arms snaked again around her waist, her hands on top of mine. It was now my turn to whisper the lyrics of the song in her ear. I even had the audacity to gently nibble her ear every now and then.

She gasped for air. I knew she could feel my excitement at our proximity. I waited for her to push me away but I was surprised when she grinded against me.

I groaned softly. Alcohol to some extent could be blamed for my audacity, but we knew what we were doing.

A strong sense of déjà-vu engulfed me. I tried to shake it off.

The song ended and was followed by one of the latest Madonna’s album. We kept dancing, unfazed by anything or anyone. I left a kiss on her neck and she shivered.

Song after song we were in our little bubble, unable to see what was going on around us. Then Metronomy came up. My favorite band ever. Although their songs were fast and upbeat, we kept dancing as sexually as possible. She faced me back again and we got to see each other in the eyes once again.

Our faces inched closer and closer to the point that our breaths mingled together. There was tension. Sexual tension. But I also felt the danger of be spilling the beans to her and tell her what I felt for her. It was too dangerous. I didn’t want to mess up our friendship…but maybe, just maybe she could grow to love me?

“Chris.” She exhaled.

“Yes?” I said breathlessly.

“You know what is happening?” she inquired, eyes full of something I couldn’t describe as anything else but lust.

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Then, there’s no point stalling, Fitzie. I can’t fight this anymore.”

“Me neither.”

“Good.”

“Fucking kiss me.” She ordered, her eyes glinting with glee and expectation and lust.

And I complied. I started by leaving small kisses on her forehead, her nose, both her cheeks, the corner of her mouth before blowing on her lips.

She gave me a frustrated look.

I chuckled before finally kissing her. It had been so long since I had the chance to taste her lips and the real thing was so much better than the faint memory. They were soft, full and delicious. I nibbled her lower lip and she gasped. I took the chance to introduce my tongue in her mouth. She tasted like rum, mint and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was wonderful. The feelings I was experiencing, the sensations I was feeling. Electricity, lust, love, anxiety…..if the night went on this track, I knew I would confess my love for her even without wanting to.

Our tongues danced each other, a dance that was similar to the one that we were performing before kissing.

I broke the make out session in need of air. I looked at her in the eyes and smiled at her. I broke our embrace and took her hand in mine before walking towards the house. We were desperately in need of a room. Once we were in the house we went upstairs. I opened the first door: it was the master bedroom. Didn’t really want to sleep there. I dragged Allegra down the corridor and opened the second door. It was what I hoped was a guest room. We walked in and closed the door behind us.

The music was still booming downstairs and it gave a nice soundtrack to our night. I stared at her, suddenly afraid of making my move. The danger of this situation finally got to me.

“Chris...what-?”

I interrupted her. “Allegra, I want you. I think that’s clearly obvious.” I looked at the tent in my jeans.

“I want you too.” She said breathlessly.

I pulled her body closer to mine and resumed the French kissing session we had interrupted downstairs.

My movements were frantic as I pulled down the spaghetti straps of her dress. It piled down on the floor. I picked her up, her legs encircling my waist.

She moaned. I suppressed a groan. I went back to the entrance of the room and turn the lights on. I wanted to see her.

Her bra was soon gone as was my shirt after endless wrestling.

I wanted to take my time. Although I was dying to make her mine, this was probably going to be the only time I had the chance to love her this way. I guessed she didn’t want to take it slow as her hands found the zipper of my jeans and the opening of my boxer.

I inhaled when I felt her hands touching my dick. She started stroking it.

“Stop.” I told her, my voice hoarse.

She looked at me, confused. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No. I want to admire you and cherish you, and I can’t do that unless you stop trying to give me a hand-job.” I knew I was blushing, but I tried to ignore that little detail.

I laid her on the back, took of my jeans and positioned myself on top of her. I started by kissing, nibbling and leaving small licks on her neck. She was whimpering under my ministrations and kept asking me and sometimes begging me to stop teasing her and get down to business.

One orgasm from her part and endless kissing and cherishing later, I slid down the bed from the bed to look for the condom I always had in my wallet. Once I found it, I sighed in relief.

“Found the condom.”

“Thank God. Are you going to fuck me now?” she asked, impatience getting to her.

“Would you beg me for it?” I asked cockily.

“I don’t beg, Chris.” She said sternly.

 “Well, maybe now you’ll have to.” I smirked evilly and she gasped faking to be offended.

“Nope.” She firmly stated.

I was on top of her, her lips millimeters from mine. “Are you sure?”

“Yep...” she whispered, a bit lost.

I teased her and teased her again and again.

She cursed. “Okay. I beg you, Chris. Fuck me, please!” she yelled exasperated.

“See, you just had to ask. It didn’t take that long did it?” I said playfully.

“If you don’t stop, I’ll have to rape you.” She said, half-menacingly.

“Sorry.” I said before giving her what she wanted.

I woke up thinking that I had the best wet dream ever. Unfortunately it couldn’t be true. I felt a head on my chest. I opened my eyes and saw a cascade of rich auburn brown wavy hair.

Oh. I wasn’t dreaming after all. I had sex with Allegra. I made love to her. Oh my….Now what?

She started stirring. I stroke her head and sighed, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

“Hello Chris.” She mumbled her voice hoarse and groggy.

I kissed her shoulder. “Good morning, Allegra.”

“Last night was great.” She said shyly.

“It was great.” I confirmed.

“Now what?” she inquired. She turned around, her upper half now placed on mine.

I sighed. “The ball is in your court.”

“What to do you want, Chris?” she asked getting frustrated.

“I don’t know what you want to hear.” I just answered her.

“Maybe the truth?” she inquired sarcastically.

She moved away from me and climbed off the bed. She started to look for her clothes and wearing them.

I was getting angry. I couldn’t understand what was going wrong. I followed her and tried to stop her.

“You said that you want the truth.”

She nodded.

“You want the truth even though it will make you take your distance?”

“Chris, you’re my friend, a friend I happened to sleep with. I just want to know what you want. Was this a one-night stand for you?” she tried to stay calm. She badly failed.

“I know you want to forget about this, Allegra. I know you are attracted to me, but you don’t---“ I inhaled deeply. “I…I don’t want a one-night stand with you, Allegra. I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now. I can’t say that it was love at first sight- more like lust at first sight- but I got to know you and you’re an amazing friend, a great person. You’re fun, you cheer me up, and..I just really love you, love you to the extent that I would do anything for you. I want you to let me in. Trust me, I didn’t want to fall in love with you. After Caterina I had decided that my love-life was over, but falling in love with you has never been easier. Ti amo, ti amo da morire. There it is. The truth.” My heart-beat was really fast. My palms were sweating as I waited for any reaction.

A reaction that never came.

I dropped  her hand and she went on trying to find her clothes. Once she was dressed, she stared at me. No words were said. But I understood. She shook her head, turned around and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

“Io ti amo.” I mumbled, but she couldn’t hear it anymore.

I slowly got dressed, trying to stop myself from thinking anything. I didn’t want to hear the sound of my heart breaking. But eventually whilst buttoning my shirt up I inspected the hickeys on my neck mechanically.

“Shit.” I exclaimed. I could feel the penny drop. I gave a kick to the bed, took the sheets of the bed in anger. I was angry at myself. And I was hurt, deeply.

I groaned in frustration. “Fuck!”

She didn’t love me. She didn’t want me. I bloody knew it!

All my dreams were shattered, all the expectations, the hope I had felt after the sex…I had never even had a chance.

She didn’t fucking want me.

I slid down on the floor and tried to stop the tears. I didn’t want to cry. I couldn’t cry, but my heart was aching for release. One tear slid down on my face followed by another, and another until I was suddenly crying.

Someone knocked on the door. I didn’t answer.

The person opened the door and Laurence entered the room, closing the door behind him.

“How do you feel after making love—“ he stopped himself when he was me.

He sat down next to me on the floor and hugged me.

There was no need for words. I was broken, all I needed was a shoulder to cry on.