Chapter 17- Confessions and Conversations

“I was so jealous of her. But I didn’t know.” Allegra confessed.

“I didn’t think it was possible. However, Isobel told me she believed you were jealous.” I added.

“Well, I was. Now she’s dating Kenzo and she seems happy.”

I smiled. “She is.” I sighed.       

I was on the phone with Allegra as I was lying in bed late at night.

“Are you happy?” she asked out of the blue. “Are you happy with your life?”

“I am.” I laughed with glee. “I like myself, now. I don’t feel inadequate, or stupid. I’m happy in my own skin.”

“Wow. You truly changed for the better.”

“I did.” I sighed in contentment. “I have to thank you for that. Of course I hated the fact that you broke my heart but it gave me the strength to pick myself up and sort out my life.”

“Oh.” She said. “Would you say no if I asked you out on a date?”

“I don’t know. What do you think?”                           

“I wish you could say yes, but I know that it is not happening.”

“You still know me pretty well.” I smiled sadly. “Let’s just be friends at the moment.”

“What if it isn’t enough?” she inquired her voice much lower.

“Don’t you find all this ironic? A year ago I wanted to be your man, but you wanted to stay friends and today…” I trailed off.

She inhaled. “I—“ her voice was breaking.

I didn’t know what to do but I know he was crying.

“We don’t have to talk about this, Allegra. It’s okay. I’ll leave you to your emotions.” I hang up and exhaled frustrated.

Things weren’t as easy as it seemed. I couldn’t trust her with my heart, at least, not yet.

I still loved her, though. My heart still beat fast anytime I had a sort of contact with her. I wanted her mine, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her what I felt. Maybe I was still afraid she would leave me there without a response.

It had been 3 weeks since I came back to New York City and I was organizing my departure for Europe three months later. I was still trying to sort out where I wanted to go and for what I’ve gathered, Francesco’s son Robert was moving back to the USA with his fiancée, so the London firm was in need of someone to take charge.

After my time in India I wasn’t even sure I wanted to work for Francesco. I was thinking to go back to University and study for a  PhD in Development. It was now too late for me to go back and study Medicine, but I could do something I liked as well.  I could start a charity or NGOs and do something to change the lives of people.

I could do that from London.

Giselle looked at me and smiled happy. She had a certain glow about her now that she was pregnant. It suited her.

We were at lunch. Just me and her. Laurence begged me to talk to her and asked her to take it slow.

“How are you and my godchild doing?”

“We’re doing great.” She caressed her protruding belly happily. “How about you? Allegra told me that you’re talking and—“

I interrupted her. “And nothing more.”

“I understand.” She sighed. “I’m sorry she hurt you. And she regrets it, believe me. She’s heartbroken. And she misses what you two had.”

“I do too, but it doesn’t matter.” I stated firmly.

“She loves you.”

“I know. I love her too. But I am done suffering for her. She has to show me that she is trustworthy and that I should give us a chance.” I looked at her and took one of her hands in mine. “I know you’re worried about your friend. Trust me, this is no revenge. It’s just that I have to protect myself like I can.”

“I get it. I just want you two to be happy.”

“Don’t worry about me and Allegra. Anyway…are you taking it slow, Doc?”

“I admit that I should rest more, but next month I decided that I’m going on maternity leave. Don’t tell Laurence. I want to surprise him.”

“When do you plan to tell him?” I was worried. Laurence hated not knowing things.

“Next week. I promise.”

“Pinky-promise?” I presented her with my pinky.

“Pinky-promise.” We pinky-promised and I was much more relaxed.

“Give her a chance if you can, Chris. You’re perfect for each other. Surely love is enough.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Giselle.”

“But here it is. I’m not saying that you should forgive her right away. She should work for your love, and she is doing so. She tells me everything. And I know that she cries herself to sleep. She doesn’t want you to know most of the things that happened when you were away. But I have to tell you.” She was serious.

“What happened?”

“She thought she was pregnant. A pregnancy normal test said that she was right. She had all the symptoms, and she was scared shitless.” She paused and looked at my shocked expression. “When she found out that she wasn’t, she was devastated. She was in love with the idea of a part of you and her growing up. She wanted that baby because it would be yours as well. And then she realized that she is in love with you. She wants to belong to you. She wants to be with you until the end of time.”

“Oh…wow.” I knew she loved me but I guess I just didn’t believe it.

“She’s crushed. Just try and find in your heart the time to consider giving her a chance if you still love her.”

“I’ll try.” I reassured her.