“Honey, I’m going to miss you while you are away. Jeez a whole week whatever will I do?” Nyla teased.

“That’s why you should come with me. It’s not too late you can probably still get a flight”

“To do what? Sit in a your hotel room while you geek out on : Surgical Management of the Paralyzed Diaphragm: A Peripheral Nerve Approach” she said reading the title of the study by Dr. Wharton the research scientist who developed the theory. Nyla watched as Gavins’ eyes became alight with excitement, he was positively giddy knowing that in a few short days he would be in the presence of some of the most innovative and experienced minds in his field. She loved that he was so passionate about his work; it clearly wasn’t just a job but a passion, a part of him.
“Come on it is not going to be that bad. I mean it may not seem like it but there are some pretty cool neurosurgeons’ out there. It’s not all cut this reattach that, we surgeons know how to have fun when the shops are threw. Are you sure you want to miss that?”

“You know what Gav? When you took me to Comicon I thought nothing of it. When you special ordered that Samurai sword that you still haven’t let me touch, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Lord, even when you made me watch the entire Star Trek series marathon for three, count them three days because of the long holiday I didn’t say it but I must now admit that I have fallen for a bona fide nerd.” Her playful gaze swept his shirtless physique and she hastily ameliorated “a gorgeous nerd.”

Gavin gave her a withering look and went about rereading the case studies for the upcoming convention. He couldn’t bring himself to be offended when firstly Nyla was absolutely correct in her deduction and secondly she didn’t have a stitch of clothing on her sexy body. Now his lady knew how to get through to a man. Nyla could tell him just about anything and he would comply when she was nude. A few minutes later he put the document down and began kissing Nylas shoulder. He knew he was gluttonous when it came to her but he would gorge himself on Nyla, her time, her humor, her sex all of it to tide him over in the week to come.


Nyla waved goodbye for the third time from her door adding air kisses to their hour long farewell fest. They truly were a bit ridiculous to carry on the way they did especially at their age but it couldn’t be helped. Though there was a bit more to her refusal to accompany Gavin to San Francisco than he knew. Next Tuesday and Thursaday would be both Greg and Ava’s birthdays. A small smile crept across her face as show reminisced about how excited Greg was when the doctor had given them a due date a day prior to his birthday. He had damn near promised her a new car if she could stave off labor so his daughter could literally be his birthday gift but alas it was not meant to be because she arrived a day earlier than expected yet Greg could not have been happier. She walked over to her bill drawer and pulled out an elegantly inscribed envelope, she fingered it in sadness, pulling out the invitation she picked up the phone and RSVP’d for the Saturday evening event.

Now that she had committed to the engagement she decided to go shop for something suitable to wear. She had briefly entertained the idea of calling Jocelyn or Tina to come with her but dismissed it immediately for Jocelyn would hover and Tina would snipe so solo it is. Her phone began to ring and she momentarily thought it was Gavin till she spied the time. Impossible his flight hadn’t landed yet. As usual she just missed the call but truthfully was uncertain if she would have picked it up any way once she recognized the phone number. Sighing heavily as a fresh wave of guilt suffused her being with regrets of years gone by she trudged forward determined to continue on with her task.
“Can I help you Maam?” the sales person asked Nyla as she held a deep plum calf length shift dress in one hand and a deep navy knee length A-line dress in the other.
“They are both beautiful but I have something in the back that might be what you’re looking for.” The saleswoman said.
“And how would you know what I’m looking for?” Nyla asked not wanting to sound snooty but curious considering the sales woman hadn’t bothered to ask what the outfit was for. Yet still Nyla followed the young woman who had yet to introduce herself. She was ushered to near the back of the store where racks lie behind double doors. Nyla held back noting it was a staff only area. The attendant walked out beaming and holding a hunter green high boat neck, knee length dress with a single ruffle detail down the front starting from the waist. Nyla knew instantly it was the dress she should wear, how fitting green was Gregs favorite color. The whole exchange would appear mundane but something in Nyla resonated that it was anything but. Pleased with the outcome of her shopping expedition and awed by the time her new personal shopper had spent with her to complete the outfit, from sifting through several pairs of Jimmy Choos and red bottoms to finally decide on a classic pair from Calvin Klein to the salesgirl finding the finishing touches with an understated emerald and diamond earring that would go beautifully with a gift Greg had given her early into their relationship. Nyla finished paying for her items and wanted to write a small note of thanks to her attendant for her exceptional service and commend the store on their training. However Nyla noticed the girl didn’t have a tag on and was walking away since the transaction had been completed.
“I’m sorry Miss, Miss?” Nyla called after her impeded by the bulk of purchases.
“Yes”
“I just wanted to say thank you for helping me today. Trust me you made a really rough situation bearable, actually pleasant. I wanted to commend you to your managers.”
“That’s not necessary. The pleasure was all mine. I just wished our time wasn’t so short.” She said smiling wanly and turning around.
Nyla couldn’t let it rest. She had to know this young womans’ name. “Miss you still didn’t tell me your name?” Nyla implored aware of how strange her aggressive behavior must seem to this girl.
“My name is Ava” she said turning around just in time to see Nyla drop every single purchase she had made that day. However instead of helping Nyla pick up her packages the young woman pushed through the double doors marked Authorized Personnel with a parting reminder to wear the emerald bracelet, the emerald bracelet that Nyla never mentioned in their exchange. Even through Nyla was still in shock, the possibility propelled her forward through the doors, ignoring the warning that trespasses would be prosecuted, she ran down an empty stark white corridor, pushing open doors knowing yet not accepting that she would never see her again.
Sitting in her car Nylas rehashed the entire episode repeatedly, discontent with her weak recollection of the young black woman. How could she not have remembered the exact shade of brown her eyes were or if her left cheek dimpled like Greg and his kin. Was it possible? Had she just experience a miraculous experience. Nyla had immediately went to find the store manager directing staff on a merchandise display.
“Excuse me. Are you the manager?” Nyla asked her voice still shaky.
“Yes Ma’am is everything alright?” The impeccably dressed woman said.
“I…Actually I just wanted to commend one of your employees …Ava, yeah her name is Ava. She really went above and beyond to ensure that I had a one of a kind shopping experience.”
“Oh well we do have an excellent training process here. I am pleased to hear that you had a pleasant time but …hmmm… we don’t have and Ava working here. Are you sure it wasn’t Anna?”
“No I’m sure, She is young maybe nineteen or so, African American, about my height and weight.” As Nyla described Ava she noted the similarities in their height and build swaying a little with the revelation.
“No. Definitely not an employee here, honestly there are only two African American women that work here and both are well past nineteen.”
“Maybe she just looked young for her age?” Ny grasped desperately.
“Ms. I mean they are women of a certain age, well into their late 40’s. Isn’t Maureen over fifty?” she turned and asked a twenty something Asian man. He confirmed her suspicion.
“Maybe it was a new employee?”
“I doubt it I personally handle the training of every staff person on the floor. If they interact with customers they must have interacted with me first so no I’m sorry that wasn’t one of our employees.” She said shaking her head. She noticed Nylas bags and became concerned.
“Did you give this woman your credit card or any personal information? Can I see your receipt please?”
Nyla shifted her packages to provide her with the receipt too upset with loosing what she had never had to be offended that this woman was questioning her.
“Well everything is fine here. I was looking for the badge number of the employee”
“Yes” Nyla immediately perked up to hear her findings.
“Oh it is under the house account 9999. That is so strange that someone wouldn’t take the credit for such a large purchase. We don’t work on commission but there is a compensation package for high sellers. I almost wish we had this Ava working for us she seems like a stellar employee.” She said joking to ease the obvious awkwardness of the situation.

Nyla woke for the third time that night, her mind a befuddled mess. She dreamt she found Ava and they were having an amazing time together bonding as mother and daughter when suddenly Ava said she had to go but she was leaving Nyla with a parting gift. Then suddenly Nyla looked down and she was holding a blue eyed baby boy. She held the baby tightly to her and frantically began to look for Ava. However the baby started to cry. Upon hearing the distress of babe Nyla felt liquid seep from her breasts, it was then realization dawned on her. This was her baby, her baby with Gavin and he was obviously hungry. She looked down at the cherub face that reminded her of pictures of Gavin as a babe with honey colored skin and knew she had to make a decision. She could put the baby down and begin to look for Ava or she could take care of the squealing infant in her arms and risk losing Ava forever. She woke covered in sweat clutching an imaginary baby to her chest. She had made her choice.
This was new. Since the death of her family she found that the days leading up to their birthdays and the anniversary of her marriage or their deaths included horrible nightmares or dreams that the last four years had been a dream and her family was intact. She foolishly thought this year might be different because of her relationship with Gavin. But her love for him didn’t negate her loss. Her grandmother always said the dreams didn’t run straight but she couldn’t help feel guilty because she chose Gavin’s baby over Gregs’. Nyla felt terrible that she would give up her daughter that she held, burped and fed for a baby that didn’t exist. She laughed bitterly at that though because none of them existed. It was just her ramped up subconscious playing crueler than normal tricks on her this year. Nyla glanced over at the illuminated alarm clock and even though she knew it was one in the morning in San Fran she picked up the phone and called anyway.
“Hello, Nyla are you ok?” Gavin asked groggily.
“I know it is late but I just missed you. Did I wake you?” she asked knowing the answer.
“No, not at all I just came in from partying at …Jesus Nyla it’s 1:30 in the morning.”
“I know I’m sorry honey” she said a little embarrassed at calling him the very first night apart considering they spoke briefly when he touched down and again at the hotel.
“What’s wrong babe?” Gavin was bone tired after the long flight but tempered his crankiness because it was rare for Nyla to expose her vulnerability. He pushed up getting comfortable.
“It’s nothing really.” She said.
“I just had a bad dream and couldn’t fall back asleep.”
“It better be something since you woke me up.” He said laughing.
“I had a weird day. I went to the mall and I met this woman who was great but then no one really knew who the woman was. Then I had this dream about a baby.” Nyla rambled giving bits and pieces of the day’s events but not revealing anything substantial.
“Honey what the hell are talking about?” he said. He wanted to ease her mind but did not have clue what she was talking about.
“Gavin…it is nothing. Go back to bed. It’s nothing some chamomile tea won’t fix.” She said feeling even more self-conscious.
“Are you sure?” He felt her pulling away and wished he had handled her call with a little more finesse.
“Ny I’m up so you don’t have to rush of the phone.” He pleaded.
“No. It’s fine. I’m fine. Go back to bed. Love you.” She said hanging up the phone.
Gavin stared at the receiver pretty sure that he had missed something important but unable to turn back in time he sighed his resignation and began to count sheep.

Nyla woke up late but wasn’t surprised since her and had married the snooze button. When she finally fell back asleep …she slept. She was meeting Jocelyn for lunch today; she had appointed herself her Nylas personal cheer upper person. She had spent the last four years on this day watching Nyla fall apart but this year Nyla promised herself she would not fall apart. She had worked diligently with Dr. Schroder and she was determined not to follow the same path of mind numbing pain as years past. However, even though she was feeling better than ever before on this day she still held a miniscule amount of doubt that she could make it through the day sans breakdown. That was why she didn’t tell Gavin the significance of this week. He would never have left her alone and even though she was secure in his love for her she didn’t want him to witness her fall apart.
She didn’t know if he would internalize it and come to the conclusion that she wasn’t ready to be with him, truthfully she wasn’t sure herself but why let both of them worry. This was her situation and she would handle it in her own way without having to consider censuring her emotions or thoughts to avoid hurting him.
Nyla was in no hurry to get the door; she technically wasn’t expecting anyone so she could spend the day looking at Ava's baby pictures and her stuffed toys. She wanted to celebrate Ava's life, regardless of how short it was. It was no less poignant and special. She had hoped to do this in solitude however it appears that Jocelyn was starting her crusade early this year. Nyla opened the door and was surprised to see her mother and Tina standing there waiting. Nyla looked up to the sky "Jesus not today." She prayed this was another dream or in this case nightmare but when she stopped looking to the heavens they were still on her front porch.

"Oh Nyla don't be dramatic" her mother chided, sweeping past Nyla surveying her daughters modest home with barely veiled disdain.

"Mother, Tina what are you doing here?"

"That's how you greet your mother after a two year absence. If I didn’t raise you I would think you had no home training. You get that from your father you know, classless him and his people." She muttered.

"Please do come in." Nyla said sarcastically to the now empty stoop, she closed the door gently and rested her head on it for a moment. She just couldn't do battle with the devil today of all days why had they come today.

Nyla pulled her cashmere robe just a little closer to her and sat down. She knew it was rude not to offer them any refreshments but couldn't put on airs today and she certainly didn't want them believing she wanted them to stay.

"Mother you’re looking well. The Caribbean sun is good for you."

"I didn't know you were aware that I had retired to St. Kitts, seeing as there are no grand babies for me to look after might as well."

"Wow, Mom really, why are you here?"

"I'm here to see if we can memorialize my grandaughter and son in law together."


Nyla looked at her mother and then at Tina who had been unusually quiet; directing her gaze and question towards her mute sister. “And you, what do you want?”
“Nyla that is no way to talk to your older sister.” She chastised sharply.
“How have you been doing? You’re not drinking or drugging right?” she asked hesitantly.
“No mother I’m not on any drugs but right now I wish I was.”
“Nyla you stop it right now, you ungrateful little ...AHH. I have prayed long and hard to try to forgive you for ruining a lovely family with your laziness. Finally after four years I have grieved enough that I can be in your presence. Devin has encouraged me to reach out to you, he is so…”
“Rich mom, the word is rich.”
“Actually the word is compassionate and forgiving and I do believe it is starting to rub off on me. He would like to meet you. Well that is for another time.”
“Mom maybe you and Devin can have dinner with Gavin and Nyla.” Tina interjected.
“He is very busy so I doubt it.” Nyla declined.
“Too busy to meet your mother. I don’t know where I went wrong. Tina can’t attract a man and you can’t keep one. But that is a part of why I’m here now to help you girls find your way. It’s not too late.”
Beverly picked up the picture of her granddaughter and son in law off the side table. She had been so proud of Nyla marrying such a hardworking young man from a reputable family. Her teachings had not fallen off deaf ears. She had fallen in love with their father and paid dearly for that love when he lost his job. In her eyes he was no longer a man since he couldn’t provide for his family in a suitable fashion. She stayed with him because it would have been unbecoming for her to get divorced. Fortunately she was put out of her misery when he passed away but he had the last laugh leaving her with a modest life insurance policy and dividing his pension for the girls’ education. A complete waste she scoffed.

Nyla ignored them both deciding to continue with her plans for the day. Nyla picked up the scrap book on the table and slowly leafed through the pages taking note of the small changes that the pictures revealed. Ava's small wrinkly features bunched up in anger as she wailed her first cry in this world. How her straight baby hair began to curl. Her penchant for sucking her thumb or your thumb if her hands were occupied. There was a corner of the hospital baby blanket with her foot prints on it. Greg had got her goat because she had bought frilly, pink and lavender swaddle blankets from a high end baby boutique and Ava balled every time she was swathed in one yet cooed and slept when swaddled in the generic hospital blanket. Nyla was miffed at first but later thought it was pretty funny. Her daughter had her own mind and wasn’t shy about expressing her feelings. By the time she finished the scrap book, her tears streaming steadily down her face. She had since forgotten her guests and solely focused on trying to enjoy the memories rather than being buried by the pain.


Tina felt genuine sadness for her sister loss, but that wouldn't stop her from continuing with her plan. She knew Nyla was hanging on by a thread and with Gavin gone it would just take a little push to send her over. She had rebuilt her life and was doing well financially, in a happy relationship, she could do it again. It seemed that she was favored when it came to finding a man plus she obviously wasn’t ready to move on. He still had several pictures of Greg throughout the house. Gavin would be much better off with her.