Benjamin Cunningham III looked at the box that had been in his possession for more than five years.  The twenty three year old looked at the box trying to decide whether to open it or throw it in the truck with the rest of his things.  It wasn’t that big, just a little bigger than a shoe box, but it held his life’s story, or so he thought.  He just didn’t know if he was ready to open it.

 

His parents had given him the box at age eighteen after he’d graduated from high school.  Bennie had known that he was adopted since he was five and when his parents had given him the box, they then informed him that it had been an open adoption and that he was free to contact his birth mother if he so desired to.  They told Bennie that they had never examined the contents themselves and had put the box away until they turned it over to him once he reached eighteen.

 

Bennie had never thought of anyone else as being his parents but Jacob and Abigail Cunningham.  They had been great parents and he had never wanted for anything.  The box represented something that he wasn’t sure he wanted to face.  He was an only child.  He was much loved.  He’d been spoiled rotten, but in a good way.  He didn’t want to think of anyone else as being his parents.  The thought that these two people would take him in, love him and care for him warmed his heart and when he first received it he thought opening the box was a betrayal of sorts to all he knew and held dear, but now that he was twenty three, he wasn’t so sure.

 

His father was a well known writer of mysteries under the alias of John Stone and his mother was an English professor at the University of Delaware.  The only thing that had been lacking in his parent’s life had been a child and they had adopted Bennie when he was eighteen months old.  He didn’t remember anyone else, and he didn’t want to remember anyone else.  Yet, the box always was in the back of his mind, pulling at him to open it and learn his past.   He’d always put it off, but the voice inside his head was getting louder, and he couldn’t understand why.

 

No one outside of their family would suspect that Bennie didn’t actually belong to his parents.  Several people had said that he favored his mother, though he was blond and blue eyed like his father.  Even Bennie thought that he looked like them and had often joked that he was their out of wedlock child that they later adopted.   He often teased his parents telling them that they could tell him the truth, that he could handle it.

 

His father had laughed and told him often that if he wanted to believe that he could, but that he couldn’t take credit for creating such a perfect son.  Bennie had beamed at that.  His old man was the best father a guy could ever want.  He had always been easy to talk to and had always taken time with him.  They were perfect parents, so why mess it up by looking for the one who had given him away?

 

His parents had first shown him his adoption papers when he was twelve and at first he wondered if they were telling him because they wanted to give him back.  They had laughed and told him that he was the best son in the world, and that nothing would make them part with him. Bennie had been happy at their response and did all he could to please them.  While his peers fought with their parents, the three of them remained close as ever.  Not that they didn’t have disagreements, but his Mom had always said that you shouldn’t let the sun go down on your anger and they always made up before the went to bed…always.

 

He was a good student, never got into any trouble…well nothing serious.  He went to college and obtained his degree in accounting.  He’d just gotten a job at a law firm and now he was on his way to being independent.  He’d rented an apartment and was moving in that weekend.

 

When his parents had first given him the box, he’d thrown it in the back of his closet and declared that he knew all he needed to know and that he didn’t want to know anything about his biological mother.  This has pleased his parents and he’d forgotten about the box, until now when he was moving his things.  There it was staring at him, mockingly reminding him that he had a past that he didn’t know about.

 

Now  that Bennie had finished school, had a great job offer lined up and his own place, he wondered if being a responsible adult also meant facing your past..  He was ready to be out on his own.  At twenty three, he had his whole life before him and he couldn’t be happier.   He knew that he’d want his own family one day, so it made sense to at least seek this woman out and find out what lingered in his DNA.  He figured that he didn’t have to actually have a relationship with her.  This would be a fact finding mission if and when he decided to seek her out.

 

He looked around the room.  Boxes were everywhere since he’d packed his things.  His parents had helped him with his apartment by giving him first and last month’s rent as well as some furnishings. He could tell that his mother didn’t want him to leave even though she didn’t say anything.  He’d reminded her that he wasn’t that far away and that she could come and see him anytime.

 

Bennie glanced at his reflection in the mirror.  His hair had grown and he thought that he resembled Shaggy from Scooby Doo.  He ran his hand through his curly locks and made a mental note to stop by the barber shop over the weekend to get it cut before he start his new job.  He wasn’t a kid anymore…nor a college student.  Now he was a man, and he had to look like a man. 

 

People had always told him that he had a pretty face, not rugged but pretty.  He looked younger than his years and the haircut would help him age a bit.  His dirty blond hair and large blue eyes had gotten him his share of admirers, though he hadn’t met that special girl just yet.  Even though he was blond, his skin always had a tanned appearance and his mother had often told him that more than likely he had Italian blood flowing through his veins.  Maybe finding out about his biological Mom would shed some light on that one also.  He grinned at his reflection.

 

Bennie quickly loaded the rest of his things on the rental truck as well as the infamous “box”  and drove off after locking his parents home. He was glad that hey weren’t there because he didn’t want to see his mother’s tears.

 

Try as he might, Bennie couldn’t get the box out of his mind. He wondered what excuse his biological mother had given for giving him up.  Why did he care anyway?  He had wonderful parents who raised him and he never wanted for anything.

 

Bennie was glad that he had chosen to leave while his mother was at work and his father was at a book signing.  Bennie hated long goodbyes and it wasn’t like he was moving that far from home.  He was only thirty minutes away.  They could see him anytime.

 

He pushed thoughts of the box out of his mind by throwing himself into the job of unpacking his belongings.  His lazy friend Kevin hadn’t shown up to help him, but Bennie figured that he’d show up near dinnertime to see what he had to eat.  He quickly texted Kevin demanding that he meet him at Buffalo Wild Wings for him to feed him since he didn’t help him move as he’d promised.

 

Kevin then texted him back and told him that he’d gotten held up at work and would not be able to meet him until the next day.  Bennie sighed and stuck the phone in his pocket.  He should have known that Kevin would weasel out of spending any money.

 

Exhausted, he ordered a pizza and then showered, glad that the task of unpacking was mostly done.  He didn’t have that much to begin with, mainly his clothes and his computer and television.  He fell back on the bed and checked his messages.

 

He smirked as he read another apology from Kevin with a promise to treat him to Buffalo Wild Wings the next day.  Bennie made up his mind to hold his friend to his promise.

 

After answering a few texts, he sat up on the bed and glanced at the box on the dresser where he’d placed it.  He decided that there was no use putting it off, so he decided to open it and put that piece of his past behind him and to move on with his life.

 

The box was a little bigger than a shoe box.  The top was taped up and he quickly pulled the tape off, taking part of the box with it.  He held his breath for a moment before opening it.  After all, what could the woman say that would be a good reason for giving him up?  Obviously she was a selfish bitch that only thought about her own happiness.  Bennie wondered how many more babies she’d had and then gave up?  Regardless of her reasons, he felt that giving him up was the best thing that had happened to him.

 

Inside the box he found a letter taped to a small photo album.  He took both things out and other than those two items, the box was empty.  The box was lined with newspaper and had a piece on top of the items.

 

Bennie quickly opened the sealed envelope which was now a bit yellow and found a handwritten note in faded blue ink, printed in a childlike handwriting.

 

06-01-1990

 

Baby Boy:

 

I just wanted you to know why I had to give you up.  I turned twelve years old a month before you were born.  I became pregnant when I was eleven.  My mother is a single mother and she says that I can’t keep you and that I should give you a chance to have a better life.  I think she’s right.

 

I know that I can’t take care of you like a mother should.  I am only in the seventh grade.  I really didn’t want to have sex, but your father, a man who my mother worked for was really nice and paid me attention.  I really liked him, and he took advantage of me.  My mother and I moved away because she didn’t want to press charges against him since he told me that he would make my life miserable if I told anyone what he did.

 

I did tell my Mom and she quit her job and we moved away without him knowing.  He has a lot of money and power and Mom was scared.  I was scared too. Mom said that she didn’t want me on the news and people looking at me funny, so we moved away.

 

I didn’t want you to feel bad about it because when I saw you when you were born, I knew you weren’t really a mistake, so don’t think of yourself as one. I just wanted you to have a good life. You were a beautiful baby and you didn’t even cry much. 

 

If when you grow up and you want to see me, you can, but if you don’t I understand that too. I feel a little sad because you are my baby, but I know a mother can’t be selfish and has to do the right thing for her baby.  Giving you away to a loving family is the right thing.

 

Ophelia Brown

 

P.S.  I called you Teddy because you were soft  and plump like a teddy bear.

 

Bennie read the letter several more times in disbelief.  He was the product of a child rape.  He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  Also in the envelope was a copy of his original birth certificate and the papers from the adoption agency.   He looked down at his hand which was shaking a little.  What type of man would rape an eleven year old child?

 

Bennie heard his phone go off and quickly looked and saw that it was his father.

 

“Benjamin.  Are you all moved in?”  his father asked.  “Your mother was looking pretty grim when I left the house this morning. She hasn’t called you, has she?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Call her and make her feel better, son”  his father pleaded.

 

“I’m not all the far away” Benjamin reminded him. “I’ll call her and both of you can come over and see the place for yourself.  It’ll only take you thirty minutes to get here.”

 

“Good.  She’ll like that”  his father said sounding a bit relieved.

 

 “Pop, look.  I opened the box…finally.”

 

There was silence on the other end for a few moments.

 

“Pop?”’

 

“Yeah, so what was in the box?”

 

“You mean you and Mom never looked in it?”  Bennie asked.

 

“No…your Mom didn’t want to know…and I was fine with not knowing what was in there.  The adoption agency gave it to us sealed and we left it that way.”

 

“Well, did you know that my biological mother was a child?” Bennie asked.

 

“Yes, we did know that she was twelve and apparently that you are a product of statutory rape…but apparently she didn’t name the guy so nothing could be done about it.”  His father explained.

 

“Yeah, I gathered that much from the letter.”  Bennie said looking at the newspaper that had also been in the box.  There were several ads for Miller’s Department Store listing items on sale.  Bennie wasn’t sure why it was in the box.  He wasn’t sure if it was just used to line the box or if it was supposed to mean something.

 

“Well son, regardless of where you came from, you’re still ours until you say otherwise”  his father said seriously.  “However you came to be, divine providence brought you our way and we’re happy about that.  A man couldn’t ask for a better son.”

 

“Did you ever meet her…you know, my mother?”  Bennie asked.

 

“No son.  It was an out of state adoption and she didn’t want to meet us and we respected her wishes. She was so young.  Obviously she was taken advantage of and her family was embarrassed.  She did the right thing.”

 

“OK”  Bennie replied. Still staring at the contents in his hands.”I’ll see you this weekend, right Pop?”

 

“Sure son”  his father said before the two of they said their goodbyes and hung up the phone. 

 

Bennie put the letter back into the envelope and picked up the crème colored photo album.  He turned it over several times before opening it.

 

The photo album was mostly empty except for several faded ultrasounds which Bennie figured were of him as well as well as a copy of a report card for Ophelia Brown who was an honor roll student.  There was is wrist band and the band that was around his leg when he was born.

 

The rest of the album was empty and Bennie put the things back in the box and placed the top back on it.    He wasn’t exactly sure how he should feel.  There was nothing inside indicating who his father was and the space was left blank on the original copy stating that he was Baby Boy Brown.

 

Bennie read through the papers and saw that his mother was from Maryland.  Did he want to find her?  What would he say to her when he did?  He quickly put the box in the closet and tried to forget about all the things he’d just learned.

 

((***))

 

One Month Later:

 

Finding Ophelia Brown was not that difficult.  The adoption agency had her information on file in case he wanted to get in contact with her and he learned that she updated it every few years.   He had mulled it over in his head for several weeks before finally deciding to just find her and get the closure that he needed. 

 

The lady behind the desk had smiled at him and handed him her current information and phone number when he’d taken a day off and drove down to Maryland after working a half day on his new job.  He’d gone in early and had left at 10 to beat the traffic.  He had the weekend to find out what he wanted and planned to do so before he returned to work on Monday.

 

Bennie hadn’t told his parents about his quest.  He didn’t know why he couldn’t get Ophelia out of his mind after having opened that box except that he still had some unanswered questions.  Why hadn’t her mother pressed charges?  Why had she just tucked her tail and ran after finding out that her daughter had been molested?  What kind of people were these anyway?  Was she married now?  Had Ophelia forgotten about her first baby?  Did she love him or did she hate him because he reminded her of what had happened to her?

 

Bennie knew that the only way to have closure and to move on was to face his fears and meet the woman face to face.  He had her address and phone number.  Should he call her and then have her reject him right to his face?  Should he just show up at the door?  That would be worse than calling he assumed. 

 

After sitting in his car and staring at the information for several minutes, Bennie decided to drive by her address to just observe.  Maybe she was married now and had her own family.  Seeing him face to face could be a bit awkward.  He had a wonderful mother and father.  He didn’t need this woman in his life.  Yet, the thought of her wouldn’t leave his mind for very long and he knew that he had to have some questions answered.

 

Bennie put the address in his GPS and ended up in a working class neighborhood of brick row houses.  He glanced at the address 244 Cedar Lane and looked up at the house with 244 above the mailbox.  He glanced at his watch and saw that it was after three in the afternoon.  Most likely she was at work. 

 

He’d gotten a hotel room to stay the night and then decided to write her a note and put it in her mailbox letting her know who he was and where he was staying.  That way she would have to come to him and if she didn’t want to be bothered, she wouldn’t need to contact him at all and he’d just return to Delaware the next morning.

 

After sitting in the car and watching the house for about an hour, Bennie finally got up enough nerve to get out of the car.  He ran his fingers through his hair which is what he did when he was nervous.

 

He had the note all written and he planned to put it in the mailbox and quickly leave.  He walked up the walkway and onto the porch.  He looked around, and seeing no one he quickly opened the mailbox and placed the letter inside marked, ‘To Ophelia Brown’.  He was about to turn and walk off the porch when the door opened.

 

Bennie wanted to run, but was frozen in place.  A tall black woman opened the door and was looking at him curiously. 

 

“May I help you?”

 

Bennie’s mouth was dry and he opened it, but no words came out.

 

“Are you lost?”  the woman asked eying him curiously.

 

“No…”  Bennie heard himself say.  “I-I was looking for Ophelia Brown’s house.”

 

“Really?”  the woman said laughing.  “I’m Ophelia.  How can I help you?”

 

Bennie  was stunned at her admission.  He stared at the woman who was obviously black…not just a little black…very black.  Her skin was the color of Hershey’s chocolate.  Her hair was in braids and she had on large hoop earrings. She was black….he was white.  How could this be?  There must be some mistake. This woman couldn’t be his mother! Maybe he had the wrong Ophelia Brown.

 

“I’m sorry.”  He stammered, trying to recover.  “I must have the wrong Ophelia Brown.”

 

She stared at him obviously  confused and then her eyes searched his face.  Bennie took a moment to stare at her also.  She looked about the right age, though thirty five wasn’t that old.  She hard large brown eyes and plump lips.  Nothing about her resembled him as far as he could tell.  It had to be a mistake.

 

  “Teddy?  Is that you?”

 

“My-my name is Benjamin”  he insisted still not believing that this woman was his mother even though she’d called him the name written in the letter.

 

“Benjamin”  she repeated as if trying to get used to the name. She reached out to touch him and he backed away from her, still not accepting the fact that this woman could be his mother.

 

“I’m not black”  he blurted out still dumbstruck by the latest events.  “Black people don’t have blond hair and blue eyes.”

 

“Teddy…uh…Benjamin, maybe you want to come in so that we can talk.”  She said appearing to recover from her initial shock. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

 

“No.  You’re not my mother.  My mother is Abigail Cunningham.  I’m Benjamin Cunningham.”  He insisted still backing up wondering why he’d ever opened that damn box!

 

“But you came looking for me now didn’t you”  Ophelia responded smiling at him. “I am your biological mother.  That’s why you came here, isn’t it? You came to find me.”

 

“You can’t be my mother”  Benjamin insisted.  “You’re black and I’m not black…I mean I have nothing against black people, but I’m not black.”

 

“Well, if that makes you feel better saying it, then you can keep on believing that”  Ophelia replied crossing her arms across her chest.  “Come on in the house and we can talk about it.”

 

“Was my father white?” he blurted out, his head spinning as he stared at her.

 

“Yes.” She replied.  He watched as her face grew solemn and he knew that she was thinking about HIM, his father the rapist.  Why had he come here?  He wasn’t ready to deal with this!

 

“Were you really eleven?” he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion that he tried to hide. He didn’t want to be the product of such a despicable act and hoped that somehow the information  he’d read wasn’t true.

 

“Yes. I was eleven”  she said looking at him with glassy eyes.  Bennie felt his guts clench.

 

“Why wasn’t he thrown under the jail?” he asked barely able to contain his anger.

 

Ophelia sighed.  “It’s complicated.  Why don’t you come in?  That’s why you came isn’t it?”

 

Benjamin backed up a bit more.  “No, I thought this was what I wanted, but I don’t think I want to know after all.”

 

Ophelia opened the door wider and stepped onto the porch.  “You look like him…just like him in fact.”  Bennie could see the tears in her eyes.  He couldn’t deal with this!  He had to get out of there!

 

“I’m not a pedophile.”  Benjamin insisted still resisting the idea of being the product of the rape of a child.  “I’m nothing like him!”

 

“I didn’t say you were”  Ophelia responded.  “What he did doesn’t make you who you are.”

 

“I’ve got to go”  Benjamin said turning his back to her.  “This was a mistake.”

 

He quickly walked off the porch and got into his car starting it up.  He hadn’t known what to expect, but he wasn’t expecting this!  His mother was black which meant that he was black didn’t it?  But he was blond with blue eyes!  He was white!  He didn’t even feel that comfortable around black people, not that he was prejudiced or anything.  He’d gone to the best private schools and there had only been two or three black people there.  He looked in his rear view mirror at the blue eyes that stared back at him.  There must be a mix-up, some mistake, his mind insisted. 

 

He pulled out into traffic and tried not to speed back to his hotel room.  He didn’t know what he was going to do just yet, but he couldn’t wrap his head around this newfound information.

 

He got out of the car and went into his room.  Maybe he should hit the road and return home, but decided against it.  He needed time to think and he had the weekend to do just that.

 

If Ophelia Brown was really his mother, then he was part black and had to deal with it.  Did he want to deal with it?  What if he had children and they turned out to be black, then what?   It was more than he could comprehend at the moment and he fell back on the bed and closed his eyes.  Never in a million years had he expected something like this.  He wondered if his parents knew, but quickly dismissed the idea.  They had told him everything and if they’d known then they would have said something, he was sure of it.

 

He lay there for several more minutes and then picked up the phone to call his parents.  It didn’t matter that he was part black or that he was the product of rape, he reasoned.  He still was who he was.  He was still Benjamin Cunningham III and that’s who he always would be.

 

Benjamin closed his eyes and the phone began to ring and he waited for his father to pick up, hoping that talking to him would shed some light on this situation.