Sugar felt like a conductor of an orchestra as she directed her staff and vendors to play their parts to perfection. She had been at it for hours, meticulously ensuring that every last detail met her high standards of perfection. As her commanding tongue wagged and the moments blurred by, the empty venue steadily blossomed into a brilliant masterpiece of ruby. Everything from the table setups, flower arrangements, dance floor, decorations, and lightning oozed with rich ruby-red. In a few hours’ time, guests would be drenched in said hue too. A fitting choice as red ruby was the traditional theme for a fortieth wedding anniversary.

She closed her eyes and hissed as a sharp pain rippled through her core, clutching her stomach. Over these last few days, she had been getting these nasty cramps. She chalked it up to stress from event-planning and the cons of being 14 weeks pregnant.

Darren sauntered up just in time to witness it. “You alright, boss?”

“Mm-hm, my lunch just isn’t agreeing with me,” she lied carefully with a smile.

He arched an eyebrow. “You haven’t eaten lunch today yet.”

Her smile tightened. “Annnnd, what can I do for you, Darren?”

“Your uncle is downstairs to see you,” he replied. She figured a family member or two would stop by to see how things were going or offer a hand.

She took one more appraising glance before she traveled downstairs. When she arrived in the lobby, she expected Uncle Alfred or Uncle Rufus, but instead, she came face-to-face with her father. She scrunched her brow and took a harder look. No, it wasn’t her father. His nose was too narrow and his face was much leaner. He didn’t have a healthy glow to his skin like her father. In fact, he looked a few years older than his twin. One front tooth was missing and its remaining partner was wrapped in a dull gold. He had dark circles under his eyes and a scruffy gray beard with flecks black.

She blinked at this man who wore a baggy brown suit that hung off his tall slender frame as if it weren’t his and he was merely borrowing it for the day.

“Uncle…Rusty?”

He smiled and his face brightened. In that moment, he looked more like her father. “You remember me.”

Her eyes flitted toward her receptionists and the waiting customers who seemed interested in the reunion.

“Um, please, please. Let’s catch up in my office,” she encouraged with a weak smile.

Once they were behind closed doors, she sauntered around her desk and sat down in her chair. He didn’t seat himself right away. He slipped his hands into his pockets and wandered around her office, his eyes shining with pride.

“You’ve done very well for yourself, Shuggy,” he said, stopping in front of a framed diploma for her business degree.

She straightened up in her seat at the nickname and giggled, “I completely forgot you used to call me that.”

“Your laugh ain’t changed one bit either.” He wagged a finger at her as he finally sat down.

They stared at each other for a long moment, assessing each other before she broke the silence. “So, what can I do for you, Uncle Rusty?”

She had a strong suspicion he might’ve been here for money. After all, why else would a disowned uncle come visit his successful niece after over three decades of separation? The real question was would she give it to him?

She tilted her head.

He seemed sober. There was no doubt in her mind that he was nervous, but he wasn’t drug-addict jittery, which was a reassuring sign. Maybe he was turning his life around and needed a family member to invest in him.

“I’ve become a new member at a white-folk church on the other side of the river. They practically found me in a gutter and took care of me. Cleaned me up and gave me a place to stay. As a new member, I’ve gotta go to these special classes. Every week, the minister teaches us something different and we have homework to do. This week, the lesson is,” he paused, casting his eyes downward, “asking for forgiveness. I’ve asked for God’s forgiveness for my past sins, but I also need to ask those I’ve wronged for forgiveness as well.”

Sympathy coursed through her veins. “Daddy won’t give you the time of day and you need my help?”

“Though I’ve tried reaching out to Cal, he ain’t the reason why I’m here, Shuggy,” Uncle Rusty replied hesitantly. “I’m here to seek forgiveness from you.”

Her eyebrows shot upward.

She pointed a manicured finger at her chest. “Me? I don’t understand. I was practically a baby when you and Daddy fell out over Granny Sally-Ann and Papa George. You don’t need to ask for my forgiveness, Uncle Rusty.”

He let a sad laugh. “Everybody still keeping that lie alive after all these years?”

A jolt of shock rattled her, and she was let with a hanging jaw. “If you and Daddy didn't fight about that then what did you fight about?”

“We fought about you.”

A panic washed over her and she squeezed her eyes shut, cupping her hands over her mouth. “I hope you didn’t come here to tell me that you had some affair with my mother back in the day and me and Sully are your children. I don’t think my heart can take that shit.”

“Hell naw,” he promised firmly. “Ya’ll two Cal and Georgie’s children through and through. We got into it strictly about you, Sugar. I never hurt Sully. Not in the way I did you.”

She opened her eyes. “You…hurt…me?”

She only ever got one whooping during her childhood or at least, that’s the only one she remembered. Her parents always confirmed it during family get-togethers for a round of laughs. Had Uncle Rusty beat her as a little girl and had taken it a step too far?

He stood up and paced in front of her desk. “Me and your daddy got drafted in the Marines in 1973. We endured hell over there, but we both made it out alive. When it was all over, I left the Core and never looked back. Your daddy decided to make a career out of it. He married a gorgeous gal named Georgette and soon enough, you and your brother were on your way. He and I struggled and coped differently. The family life stabled him. Drinking and sex stabled me. Cal tried to bring me into the fold. He thought spending time you and Sully would make me want a family of own.”

She listened, her stomach twisting in anticipation for the point of his story. She wanted to know why he needed her forgiveness.

“It didn’t work, but I loved you and Sully. I loved ya’ll with all my heart, but you were always my,” he paused, “favorite.”

She didn’t like the way he said the last word of his statement. It rolled off his tongue wrong as if her being his favorite was such a bad thing. When it came to family, everyone in this world had a favorite blood relative in some way. A favorite grandparent. A favorite niece or nephew. A favorite aunt or uncle. A favorite cousin. A favorite sibling.

It was almost human nature to.

But she kept quiet and let him explain himself.

“I was at the house when Georgie went into labor with Roc. I was responsible for babysitting you and Sully when they were at the hospital. Ya’ll were asleep upstairs and I got plastered downstairs. Then one thing led to another and I ended up in your room.”

The two locked eyes and her blood ran cold as she saw the pure shame written on his face. Her breath evaporated from her lungs as the weight of his confession—his want for forgiveness—finally crashed down on her head. She gripped her office chair’s armrests for dear life as if doing so would root her to this horrific reality even though all she wanted was for the world to open wide and swallow her whole.

“You didn’t stir an inch when I did what I did. I was so drunk I hadn’t even realize I had done it until I washed my f—”

Sugar gagged. “Oh god. Oh my fucking god.”

“I told myself I would never do it again, but I did. All the other times I was sober, but I would hate myself so much I would drink like I wanted to die. You had gotten used to it. Our time together. Sully walked in on me a few times, but I got smart and told him we were going to play a game called Protect Sugar. He was going to protect you by guarding the door in the hallway and I was going to protect you inside your room. You were four when I got busted. I was living with your granny at the time,” Uncle Rusty confessed. “She was doing my laundry and found a pair of your panties in one of my pant pockets. I went berserk and slapped the shit out of her. She called Cal and we had our infamous brawl. It got so bad, she called the police and I got arrested for assault and theft.”

Stinging tears bubbled in her eyes and her bottom lip quivered, her heart throbbed violently in her chest.

“Your granny convinced your daddy to go along with some bullshit about me stealing a family heirloom and beating the shit out of her when she confronted me about it. She didn’t want a child molestation charge on my record. She said it wasn’t completely my fault because I got molested by somebody when I was young myself,” he continued.

It felt as if a knife had been plunged into her heart.

Her father agreed to cover it all up? Her mind drifted back to the 4th of July barbeque.

“Cal, this has gone on long enough,” Georgette snapped. “We have to—”

Calvin quickly cut his wife off. “We don’t have to do anything, Georgette. We’ve been fine for over thirty years and we’ll be fine for thirty more. That motherfucker has hurt our family enough, but we’ve made it through and that’s all that matters.”

“That’s not how it works, Calvin. Now, you’re just being plain prideful,” she shot back. “Everything’s not fine and you know it. Calvin? Calvin! Where are you going?”

Heavy footsteps neared the ajar door and Sugar nearly jumped out of her skin as her father swung the door open and tossed over his shoulder, “I’m done talking about this bullshit, Georgette. I’m going downstairs to enjoy my family. You can join my side as my wife or dwell on the past. That’s up to you.”

As he stormed out of the bedroom he shared with his wife of forty years, he halted in his steps as Sugar and Miles arrived on the second floor.

Her mother even covered it up too. The only difference between Calvin and Georgette was he wanted to leave it in the past and keep a secret while his wife wanted to tell the truth.

She bit hard on her bottom lip and shook her head, letting the tears cascade.

Even her parents were lairs.

Her life was a lie.

“I’m here before you a changed man, Shuggy.” Uncle Rusty stretched his arms wide. “If God can forgive me, can you find it in your hea—”

Sugar interjected softly, “Get out of my office.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but she snapped violently, “Get the fuck out of my office! NOW, YOU SICK FUCK!”

She grabbed the nearest thing to her: her fiancé’s weekly gift of dark and light peonies. She hurled the vase at him. He flinched at the attack but stayed where he was—rooted like an obstacle she didn’t want to overcome. So, she decided to lash at him from the safety behind the desk.

“You’re the reason why I’m so fucked up,” she screamed. “I’ve always known something was wrong with me. You tainted me. You defiled me. You ruined me. You broke me before I even knew what broken was. Then you have the audacity to you come here to ask for my forgiveness? Eat shit and die.”

“You have every right to be mad at me, Shu—”

She lobbed a stapler at his nose. “Don’t call me that. You have no right to call me that!”

She relished at his howl of pain and the gush of blood from his left nostril. She grabbed her purse and scampered to her office door. Uncle Rusty cupped his injured nose with one hand and grabbed her arm with his free one.

“Sugar, please—uuuhh!” She kneed him in between his legs and as he crumbled to the floor, she escaped from her office. The world around her was a blur from her tears and the concerned voices of her employees muddled into white noise. Soon enough, she was behind the wheel of her car and her hands shook violently as she tried to put the keys in the ignition.

Her entire body was a quivering mess.

She sobbed and cursed as she struggled to start the car.

When her car roared to life, she sped of the parking lot.

Miles.

She needed Miles.

He was the only one she could trust now.

Up ahead, the green shifted to yellow. No, no, no. Her foot slammed down on the acceleration pad as she raced to beat the traffic light. A momentary rush of victory swam in her stomach as she traveled through the intersection with success. Suddenly, a homeless woman ventured out into the street to jaywalk across, putting in Sugar’s path.

She widened her eyes in shock and hit the brakes, jerking the steering wheel as an attempt to avoid a collision. Her tires screeched so hard against the concrete, one of them busted and she lost control of the car, verging her into oncoming traffic.

CRASH!

The sheer force of the impact knocked her out cold.

{}{}{}

Sugar fluttered in and out of consciousness, her mind attempting to comprehend what was going on. The blunt sirens were dull to her ears. She was in the back of a speeding ambulance on a gurney as EMTs worked on her.

Through her daze, she croaked out, “I’m pregnant. I don’t want to lose my baby.”

Tears rolled down the sides of her face. Her heartbeat spiking erratically as fear clenched her by the throat. In the depths of her mind, she prayed to the God who her molesting uncle claimed he received forgiveness from.

Please, don’t take this blessing away from me, God. Please, please, please, she prayed.

“We’re make sure you and your baby get to the hospital safe and sound as best we can, honey,” a female EMT promised. “Hold on for us.”

She then slipped back into a terrible darkness.

{}{}{}

She woke to the sound of beeping hospital equipment at work. Peeling back her eyelids slowly, she laid there for a long moment, allowing her eyesight to adjust properly. Her cheek gently snuggled on a thin pillow. Her no longer wore a sheath dress. A hospital gown draped her body. A familiar throw kept her body warm, but she was in a hospital bed with a needle in her arm hooked up to a drip and a wire tapped to her finger keeping track of her vitals. Her body ached and throbbed.

Remaining still, she shifted her attention to her fiancé who slept in a hospital reclining chair barely two inches from her bedside.

“Miles,” she rasped softly.

He jerked awake at his name and let out a shaky exhale as he realized she was awoke.

“There is a fuckin’ God,” he said, his voice cracking. He reached out to cup her cheek, a calloused thumb caressing the soft curve. He leaned forward and planted a simple kiss on her cracked lips.

She asked, “How long have I been here?”

“Since yesterday.”

She missed the anniversary party.

As if he read her mind, he said, “Your parents canceled it.”

She stared up at the ceiling as she tried to recall everything that happened yesterday. She remembered getting the venue set up for the celebration, but she couldn’t quite recall anything else.

A light bulb went off in her mind and she sat upright too fast, crying out in pain when she realized her mistake. Miles jumped to his face and used his hand on her shoulder to lay her back down.

“Not so fast, honey. You gotta take it easy.”

“The baby, Miles,” she panted heavily, squirming in the uncomfortable bed to situate herself in a better position. “How’s our baby?”

His hand remained on her shoulder and he stared down at her, allowing her to see the flecks of sheer sadness in his reddened eyes. There was a burden on his shoulders and it was giving him hell.

Her voice wavered as she repeated, “Miles, how’s our baby?”

“We lost the baby, Sugar.”

Her eyes widened.

“The impact provoked a miscarriage.”

She slapped his hand away from her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me, Miles,” she hissed, her voice raw. He lowered himself back into the recliner, stroking his beard—a brooding sort of sorrow overcoming him. Sugar stared into space as she surrendered to the reality that she failed once more as a mother.

She was empty again.

She placed a quivering hand on her stomach.

“When the time’s right, we’ll try again, honey. We can always try for another child, but I can’t replace you. I almost lost you yesterday, Sugar. I can’t lose you. I refuse to lose you,” he said stubbornly. “I just need you to know none of this is your fault.”

Sugar said softly, “This is my fault. It’s always my fault, Miles.”

“No, it’s not. It was an accident, Sugar. None of it was in your control.”

The hospital door creaked open. “How’s my baby girl doing, Chef?”

Sugar stiffened at her mother’s voice.

Her weary parents entered the room.

Georgette gasped as she saw her oldest daughter awoke and alert. “Oh, sweetheart!”

Sugar should’ve felt a sense of comfort seeing her parents, but memories from the today bubbled to her mind’s surface. Her sight seeped itself in red as a big part of her identified her parents as the source of her misery—of her tragic loss. Her father went to her bedside and bent to kiss her forehead, but she slapped him with all her might.

He stumbled back, cupping his cheek.

Miles blinked in utter shock.

“Get the hell away from me, Calvin,” Sugar snapped.

“Magnolia!” Georgette gawked. “What in the hell has gotten into you?”

“What’s gotten into me? What’s gotten into me, Georgette? The truth. That’s what! Uncle Rusty paid me visit yesterday to ask for my forgiveness. For what I wasn’t sure, but he was kind enough to tell me my parents have been lying to me for 34 years,” she said.

Sugar jerked her attention to Miles. “That’s why I got into the car accident, Miles. That’s how I lost our baby. My uncle told me that he molested me repeatedly when I was a little girl. He got caught when I was 4 because he had my panties in his back-pocket. My father defended my honor, but then he let my grandmother convince him to lie to everyone about it for 34 fucking years.”

Miles shifted his gray eyes to distraught Calvin but remained silent.

Sugar pointed a finger at her father. “You kept a lie going for 34 years to protect your child-molesting brother!”

Calvin replied, “I didn’t do it for him. I did it to protect you, Sugar. I kept that secret in my heart because I wanted you to have a normal life. I didn’t want this weighing on your mind.”

She let out a sob. “I never had a normal life. I’ve always known something was wrong with me. My own twin brother watched me get molested. Uncle Rusty even had Sully stand outside my bedroom door like it was a game, Daddy. You robbed me. Both of you did.”

“We did what we thought was best, Magnolia,” Georgette replied gently, brushing away her tears.

Sugar rested a hand over her heart. “Well, it wasn’t best. I married a boy at eighteen because I wanted someone to love me. I stayed with that man for eighteen years even after he beat the shit out of me and cheated on me. Even after my divorce, I thought I was nothing. When I met Miles, he convinced me I was something, but now I’m nothing again. I had a second chance at happiness and I’ve been robbed of that. I lost my baby because of you two and that motherfucker who molested me.”

Her parents exchanged looks of shock.

“Yes, I was pregnant, Mom. I was pregnant and I was going to announce it to everyone at your wedding anniversary celebration,” Sugar admitted, sniffling. “And I was going to announce that I was getting married to Miles. Now, none of that’s happening. There’s no baby and there’s no wedding.”

There was a void inside of her that couldn’t be filled.

Her heart was a black hole and she wanted to destroy everything in her path, so no one could see her impending downfall.

Miles shot up from his seat, fists clenching at his sides. “Like hell, Sugar. We’re doin’ this.”  

Sugar flicked a wrist and snorted rudely. “Cut the act, Miles Thibodeau. You only wanted to get married because of I was pregnant. Now, there’s no baby.”

Destroy.

Destroy.

Destroy.

She plucked off the engagement ring and tossed it at his chest. “You’re a free man. Go be with your ex-wife, Alicia.”

Any rubble of her obliterated heart was now in his hands and he could keep it because she didn’t need it anymore.

“Don’t push me away, Sugar,” he pleaded through grit teeth. “Don’t fuckin’ push me away.”

Sugar refused to look at any of them as she pressed the nurse button to make this abortion easier.

“How can I help you?”

“Yes, I need hospital security. I have three unwanted visitors in my room, and I need them removed immediately,” she told. “Now.”

“This ain’t over, honey. This is far from goddamn over,” Miles assured defiantly as two security guards came in to escort everyone out.

“Magnolia, please hear us out, baby girl,” Georgette begged with clasped hands. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this.”

Sugar gazed out the window and concentrated on a flock of birds gliding by as an attempt to distract herself from the unwilling departure. When her hospital door shut, she clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle her teary screaming, rocking back and forth.