MIA

I had been gone from the pack a total of five months.  Jamaica was awesome, James was awesome, the sex was awesome, but something was still missing for me. "Mia, you are going to wear a hole in the floor with all that pacing." James said. We were at my house and we were supposed to be watching a movie but halfway through my wolf was so agitated that I couldn't sit still any more. 

"I know...I just...I can't be still something is wrong with me."

James paused the movie, stood up and walked over to me, "Sweetie, nothing is wrong with you. Your wolf is missing her mate and I keep telling you, you haveto shift. I must say I am impressed that you have held out this long."

He stopped me and grabbed me by my shoulders, "If we try and shift, we might be able to ease your wolf a little bit." 

I shook my head, "I can't...I...just the thought of changing again terrifies me to the core, James. It hurt so bad. I begged Shawn for death, that's how bad it was I can't."

He sighed and pulled me in for a hug. We had already tried shifting, twice in fact, and I had such terrible panic attacks that I wasn't able to complete the shift.

"Why would the Mood Goddess do this to me? Why would God do this to me? They are supposed to look out for me. Why pair me with a mate who doesn't want me?" I pulled away from him and felt tears starting to fall. Over the past couple of weeks James has been telling me everything there is to know about wolves. Not about being a Luna or a leader, just about being a wolf, which has been helpful. The Moon Goddess was one of the things I learned about, she was the all-knowing deity that wolves believed in very similar to God.

"It's hard, Mia, I know. But these things always work out for the best. I have seen couples go through worse and they have come out on the other side."

"I don't want to come out on the other side, James. I want to be able to make my own choices! The mate bond took my choice away, Ethan took my choice away, his family and his pack are trying to take my choice away! Its not fair. Do you know how hard I worked on my career to finally, finally get a break? I was just getting everything I wanted, and it ALL came crashing down. My family, my career just gone in an instant. If I have to be a wolf, then fine but I don't want to be mated to Ethan. Isn't there anyway for me to break this?"

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck, "If the bond isn't complete then you can have your partner of choice bite over the original bite mark. You have to do two separate bites each on the full moon. The first directly over the old bite and the second on the opposite side of the neck. I also don't know who you would find crazy enough to take an Alpha's mate away from them. Aside from taking a new mate, I don't know if there is a way to just break the bond."

He touched the scar on my neck. I didn't wear my scarf very often around him. He asked me why I was ashamed of something that was done to me without my consent. He said that the scar was Ethan's shame not mine. Maybe he had a point, but I felt there had to be some shame in having a mate who doesn't care for you, right? Considering how important mates are in the wolf world.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish I could do something to make it better."

"You said a couple of weeks ago that I was strong, but I think you are the strong one. You managed to accept your new life as a wolf and be happy."

"My situation was different I met my mate, who was a wolf, and she eased me into the idea of it all. It was difficult after the change happened, but I managed with her help. You didn't have the same help that I had." He said quietly.

"If I don't go back, will things just get worse for me?" I asked already knowing the answer to my question.

James sighed, "The only cases I have seen of a wolf not shifting for a long period of time have eventually caused a forced shit."

"That does not sound good."

He shook his head, "It's not. A forced shift means that you will change into your wolf whether you want to or not and you won't be able to stop it like you have been. It can result in you being stuck as your wolf from a few weeks to.... forever."

"FOREVER!!" I shrieked. I felt tears welling up again. Damn the only thing I had been doing was crying lately. Wolves were powerful creatures, I had heightened eyesight, sense of smell, strength, night vision, I mean the list goes one, but I had never felt weaker in my whole life.

"So, I have to shift?"

"Yes."

"And I have to go back to the pack?"

"Yes. Unless you get permission to switch packs which I highly doubt will happen."

Unfortunately, in the wolf world you weren't about to just pick up and move when you wanted to unless you moved to a neutral area like a large city but considering I was for all intents and purposes a baby wolf, James explained being in a city would not be best for me. Especially since I had been refusing to shift. Per usual the added fact of Ethan being an Alpha was complicating my life even further. Apparently the possessive nature of Alpha's meant that as long as we were mated, or partially mated, he would not be willing to get me go.

I sighed, "Can't you come back with me?" I pouted. 

"Ethan would rip my head off once he figured out the two of us have been sleeping together and I kind of like my head." he said chuckling. "Besides, as much as we care for each other, its not the same as being mates and I don't think I would improve your situation."

I sighed, I knew he was right. I cared about him and again the sex was bomb but I didn't have a love connection with him. I guess it was time to put my big girl panties on.

**************

SHAWN

Mia had been gone from the pack for months and although I have always known the importance of a Luna to see how the pack has reacted to having our Luna leave....well its been eye opening. There was a sadness flowing through the pack bond that the West Pack had never felt before, I mean, we feel collective sadness when a pack member dies but this was different.

A Luna is like the mother fort the whole pack, she keeps the pack running, she's the back bone of the Alpha. Although he is in control of the pack a Luna is still important to him and the pack. The Luna is his closest confident along with the Beta, she's his peace and soft place to land when things get hard. 

Aside from the general sadness I felt as a pack member, I was missing my friend. Mia and I had spent so much time together and been through so much that I felt her loss more than I would have thought I would.

Adding to my stress was the fact that Ethan was falling apart at the seams. He was hold up in his room or office most of the time. He did not want to be bothered with many of his responsibilities and so it all fell on me as his Beta. So in addition to trying to work out all of my own emotions, I was doing twice the work that I normally would. 

Currently I was in Ethan's office going over some pack paperwork when my phone dinged signaling a text message. I smiled to myself when I saw it was a message from Mia. I heard from her once every couple of weeks, which drove Ethan crazy and made our relationship more tense than it already was. Regardless, I was always happy to hear from her because it meant that she was alive and safe. I had to admit I had been worried sick knowing she was out there somewhere on her own.

"Hi. :)"

"Hey. How are you?"

"Not to good actually." This caught my attention and I switched my focus from paperwork to my phone. 

"What's wrong?" 

It seemed like hours before she responded to me which was putting my wolf on edge.

"I haven't shifted since that first time."

I looked at my phone confused, that couldn't be right. Not shifting was detrimental to werewolves. She needed to shift and give her wolf some freedom. Before I could respond I got another message from her. 

"I have been so restless lately and James says its because I haven't shifted and because I am so far away from the pack."

I rolled my eyes, I wasn't sure who this James person was, but she mentioned him way to often for my or my wolfs liking. But he did seem to be taking good care of her. If I could only figure out where she was, I would have been there to at least scope him out.  But she was very careful about covering her tracks. 

"Mia, you have to shift. Its not healthy for you not to. And James is right your wolf is a little on edge because you aren't with the pack. But the most important thing is that you need to shift, whether that is here with us or there where you are with James."

"I have tried. James has tried to help but its not working. I keep panicking. I am not sure I can do it without you."

The last sentence of her text caught me off guard. But I guess I would understand it. When a human was changed the first shift was usually something intimate and private between the couple. It was a position Ethan should have held instead it fell to me.

"You can do anything you put your mind to, Mia."

":( It really doesn't feel that way, Shawn."

My fingers hovered over the keyboard trying to come up with the appropriate response, but I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I was forced to become human against my will and had to assimilate to human life. 

"All you have to do is say the word, Mia and will be on the first flight out to you. Wherever you are I can be there to help you."

"I know, but if you come then he will come with you and I can't put James in danger like that or cause any issues for his pack."

I felt my wolf get agitated at the fact that she was more interested in protecting James than her own health. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't irritated by the fact that I knew she was sleeping with him, however, those weren't feelings I was eager to analyze. She was my friend and my Alpha's mate. I shouldn't be feeling anything about who she may or may not be sleeping with.

"I'm sorry to make you worry. I just...I don't know I had an urge to reach out to you. You seem to usually be able to make me feel better."

I smiled at that, I was glad that I could help in anyway possible. "You know I am always here for you."

The door of the office slamming caught my attention. "What's got you so happy?" I looked up to see Ethan standing there with a frown on his face. I sighed, It was sad to see my friend, my Alpha the way he was now. He hadn't shaved in days, and who knows when the last time he actually bathed was. Ever since he watched the DVD of Mia's change he hadn't been the same. I would like to say I regretted giving him the DVD but I didn't. He was the cause of everything that was wrong right now and he needed something to open his eyes to the suffering that everyone was going through.

"Nothing, I just got a text from Mia."

He paused, for a moment and gave me a funny look. "Did you convince her to come home yet?"

I rolled my eyes, we had this argument any time I heard from Mia. "She will come back when she is ready Ethan. We pushed her too hard as it is which is what caused her to run in the first place. The only thing you need to be focused on is pulling yourself together so you can run your pack."

Ethan sighed, "You don't think I want to? My wolf is just- You know what, you wouldn't understand." he said snatching some papers off his desk and leaving the room. Slamming the door behind him.

"Goddess help me get through this." I sighed turning back to my work.

*******

ETHAN

After I left my office I went on a run, I had been doing more running in the weeks since Mia had been missing than I had in my entire life. It seemed to be the only thing that calmed me down. It also gave me way too much time to think about things.  Resisting Mia seemed to be doing more harm than good. My wolf was upset with me and we hadn't been as in sync as we normally were I felt like my instincts were off when it came to everything. What was the worst that could happen if I gave in and tried my best to make things work?