《 Kendra 》

I walked to the dance studio and into the locker room and changed into my dance clothes. Friday was the big day. The football team was playing against Roosevelt High at their school.

The dance coach walked into the studio and turned on the music track we would be dancing to. It will be cool to see how it all comes together on Friday, when the band, the majorettes, and us, the Diamond Dancers, are all performing on the field together. This is my first time performing. I'm so nervous though, but I know I can do this. I'm not alone. I have my girls with me.

I feel like I'm over the shock of the Eric situation. I just don't like talking about it but I know Leesh and Rissa are gonna ask me about it when practice is over.

Dance practice ends after 2 hours and we head back to the locker room to change. I refuse to use their showers so I make sure to bring feminine wipes and deodorant with me every day and I jump in the shower as soon as I get home.

As we are packing up, Elisha asks "So how was your date with Eric?".

I let out a sigh.

"Horrible".

"What? What happened?" Larissa asks.

"Well first of all he didn't even get out the car and knock on the door. My mom told me to ask him to come inside so she could meet him, only cause she wanted to know who I was going out with"

"Right" Elisha said.

"He was nice to my mom and stepdad and he was alright during the movie but then when the movie was over, we were sitting in the car and he tried to kiss me but I moved away."

"Oh shit, you didn't wanna kiss him??" Larissa asked with a confused expression on her face.

"No. I'm not gonna kiss somebody I'm not really feeling like that. I mean he's cute but I was already feeling iffy about him". I explain.

"Ok" Larissa nodded.

"So anyway, I told him I wasn't ready to kiss him, and he was looking at me like I was crazy. Then he asked me if I was a virgin because Im acting like I cant be touched."

I made air quotes as I repeated what he said to me.

"Oh no he didnt" Elisha raised her eyebrows.

" So I said yea. He was like 'I knew it, it makes sense now'. Then he asked how long that was gonna last. I said until I'm married and he laughed in my face and told me to get out."

"What the fuck?!" Elisha blurted out.

" Oh my gosh girl I'm so sorry that happened. Fuck him. You deserve way better than his ass." Larissa attempted to cheer me up.

"Yes, you're a beautiful girl and you deserve a good guy that's gonna appreciate you for you." Elisha reached out to hug me. I hug her back and Larissa also hugged me.

"You guys are so lucky. You have boyfriends that love you and don't have to go through the unknowns with dating new people." I sighed.

"We're gonna help you find the right guy. Don't worry boo" Elisha playfully elbows me and smiles. I smile back.

" I honestly need some time to recover from this. I need a break." I said.

"I understand" Larissa said with a sympathetic expression on her face.

" So how did you get home?" Elisha asked.

"...Oh.. my mom came to get me" I responded feeling my heart beat quicken for a second.

No, I didn't mention Jason. Why, I don't know. Maybe they will suspect that I like him. Or maybe they will suggest that I date him, which I definitely want to do in a perfect world. See, when I like someone I keep it to myself for a long time. It's hard for me to admit it to other people, especially being that Jason hangs with the group. I know Larissa and Elisha. They would just make it awkward for me to be around him and make me more nervous than I already am. They would make it so obvious that there was a secret I had and try to push me to talk to him. They would probably tell David and Reese and then they would tell Jason. The thought alone scares me. I like Jason a lot. But I'm not the type to tell a guy I like them unless they tell me they like me. I guess it comes down to fear of rejection. Jason is a football player and he's so fine. In my opinion, he can have any girl he wants. He is also white. Where I'm from, I rarely see any white guys dating black girls. I more so see the black guys dating the white girls. It doesn't bother me that much. Sometimes it's annoying, especially when some black guys put black girls down. But like I said, Jason is white. I'm sure he is either already dating or has his eye on some white cheerleader.I don't think I'm his type.

After I finished explaining what happened, we walked to Larissa's car. She dropped Elisha and I off home.

When I got home, I started working on homework. Physics. Ugh I hate it. We have a test in 3 weeks and some of this sounds like another language to me. I need help big time. I'm gonna have to talk to Mr.Fowler because I'm worried about how I'm going to do. I don't think they have Physics tutoring either at school.

I eat dinner with my family and get ready for bed. Soon, I drift off to sleep.

~~Tuesday~~

I woke up around 6 am and got ready for school. My stepdad dropped me off to the bus stop by 6:20 am. My mom was my bus driver. I loved riding the school bus with her. Sometimes, I would wake up at 4 am just to leave the house when she did and then go back to sleep on the bus. I haven't told my mom about Jason either. I do eventually tell her about my crushes, but this one has been going on for 5 months since I laid eyes on him in March of my junior year. Why am I so scared to admit I like a white boy? Am I ashamed of it? My family is not racist at all. They would have no issue with it. They may tease me or give me a look at most, but that would be it. I guess I'm the problem. I'm my own biggest critic. But again what's the point of me wasting my mental energy about something, or should I say someone who may not even like me that way. Thoughts of the night he gave me a ride home come to my mind often. I never felt butterflies like I did that night. To be honest, I've never had a crush so deep on anyone, like I do on Jason.

I made it to school and started the day. I knew I needed to have a talk with Mr.Fowler during fifth period about getting extra help for physics. He taught too fast and I hated raising my hand in class. I was afraid that I would ask a stupid question.

It was time for third period,U.S.History. David is in my class. I say Hi to him as he walks in with his baby doll. He says Hi, with a smirk on his face because he knows I'm teasing him about his newfound fatherhood.

"Wanna babysit? " He asks as he walks to his seat.

"I charge 50 dollars an hour?" I tease him.

" Dang, just take me for all I have, huh?" We both laughed.

The class finally ends. I walk to my locker to put my book away. It was time for lunch. I meet my friends at our table. I walk up and see Larissa sitting on David's lap. Elisha is sitting on top of the table with Reese sitting between her legs and his arms resting on her thighs. Jason is sitting across from them at another table, laughing at something Reese is saying. Seeing Elisha and Larissa in these positions made it awkward for me to walk up to the group, with Jason being the only single guy there. Now I am the only single girl there. Is Jason single? Where was his girlfriend? Did he have one? Maybe she went to another school.

I sit down at the table where Jason is sitting and said Hi to him and listened to the conversation. I was nervous..as usual. I tried to feign a smile acting is if I was paying attention to the conversation but I was really focused on Jason's presence. I was worried that the others would notice I was nervous around Jason. Maybe I'm delusional, but I felt like they were all watching me. Ugh, I need to get a grip, I know.

The bell finally rang for fourth period and we all walked toward the cafeteria back door to walk through to the main hall. Jason opened the door for me to walk through. Just being near him does something to me. I don't know what I'm going to do.