Trying my hand at a childhood dream. Hopefully, you'll like my style.
How far will you go when you're lonely?
Wow, I like your story very much. I don't mind the chapter lengths, and I love the how you have written this story. I believe in connecting characters with the reader by having them evolve through the chapters.
Sorry to read some are not happy, but can I put it to you like this... Focus on your positive readers like me.
Think of those readers as they're loss. And some will most likely still read just out of curiosity ... Lol
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedOh well, will happily follow you there... :)
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedElise is a struggling college student that can barely pay tuition. With a lousy job and is on the verge of getting kicked out of med school she has to find a way to pay. So with no only choice she looks in the personals and looks for a sugar daddy.
Jameson is a successful man that does not have time to date. With the pressure of his family to wed and women using him he just wants to experience a relationship without the drama. So he makes an ad to find a sugar baby.
What happens when both of these two get together?
Seems kind of weird... Can't get a fix on his personality yet. I will keep following story though.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedZoey Vance woke up in the hospital with no memory of her life before that moment. She doesn't even know her own name. Now she has to try and put the pieces of her life back together with the help of the man who hit her with his car that fateful night. As her memories start to return she wonders if she is better off not knowing who she really is.
Brian Preston is consumed with guilt, the woman just ran out into the street with no warning. He coudln't avoid hitting her. He feels it is his personal responsibility to care for her until she can care for herself and moves her in with him and his fiance, Macy. As time wears on he starts to wonder if he wants her around to ease his guilt or if there aren't bigger emotions at play.
Too funny. I too posted some stuff on here from my iPad only because I was too lazy to go log onto the laptop in another room. lol
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedNo need to respond. Nice story, waiting for updates is all :)
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedThis is really good. I love the plot twist. I hope Kelly (Zoey) eventually reconnects with her father... loved her memory of him.
Nothing like being a daddy's girl right! Thanks for reading.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedI enjoyed your first version, but I think I may wind up liking this rewrite more.
I hope so! Thanks for reading
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedYou did great!
Thanks! :)
Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed
Neymar Jr was used to getting everything he wanted and he had everything...except Jourdan Morris
Longer chapters... I like this story.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedIt's cool about Jourdan's up in the air love interests... Being young and dumb is normal. She's not really dumb, but like you said indecisive and trying to protect her heart. Good story, keep writing.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedLook, ignore and/ or delete the negative feedback. I like your story... I totally get it Jourda's indecision. You got women in their 40's just as confused as to what they want and what is best for them. I like every chapter. I especially love the fact that you routinely update this story, unlike some (myself included). I have a bit of writers' block and your story and writing style kind of uplifts me... So write on lmpw.
Thank you. I actually experience a lot of writer's block (I write on another website) myself and so far, I've had none with this story.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedLydia Michaels is an excited young new intern heading off to build her resume working for Okada Trading Corp. She's eager to learn all she can from the international business world.
Toshiko Okada and Yaunlong Cheung are best friends that met their freshman year attending UCLA in the States. Now they both work for Toshiko's not so eccentric uncle, Rin Okada in Japan.
Neither young men are prepared for their OTC new intern. while Toshiko believes a woman's place is in the home, Yuan believes Lydia's is in his dungeon.
Two problems exist, one, Lydia is not hearing it... and two, both men are as equally determined to put her in her place.
Amid obsession, lust, conniving, deceitfulness... Could love possibly emerge?
Sorry for the long wait for chapt 3, I too hate strung out stories, but to be honest, writers' block is a bitch. I wanted to give you guys a good story. It's been playing around in my head for a while. I hope you like where I'm taking the story. And yeah, please forgive the typos.
Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed
Okay, 1. More writing will get you more reviews (only one chapter since 2014?... I've implied enough?)
2. I'm intrigued as Jen Anon as well, but a word of warning to make the reading/comprehension smoother... try to incorporate commas, colons, italics (for thoughts), and semi colons (for afterthoughts) into your writing. Example: "... answers will come piece by piece as she begins to cope the writing will have more clarity...). Try this: "... begins to cope, the writing will..."
3. Please update, Yes I'm intrigued,curious, and just plain nosey/nosy.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedSally McDonald is not who anyone thinks. Her life is filled with secrets. Some she doesn't even know about. But when Storm Monsello sees the terrified girl one night, he never expects how much her secrets would reveal the dark actions of the people he trusted the most.
Hey, I like this. It seems different and intriguing. So far all good with the characters and setting of the story.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedCh. 2
Good chapter, but your characters could have more physical descriptions. Walnut complexion... pretty good. I don't recall Storm getting described, if u did, my bad, sorry.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedI understand you want to keep us in the dark for twists and turns. I don't have a problem with that. I like a good mystery.
Your writing is good, but the or your tone/mood is not smooth, I mean your phrases, comments, and reactions sometimes sound forced. And for readers, you could put thoughts in italics or in apostrophes or single quotes like some writers.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedNow that was one of the best love... first time scenes written. Disturbingly sexy. Subtle and erotic.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedAnother hot a$$ scene, yeah! My sexy scene quota has been successfully met in a story.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedNow that is a way to end a chapter. Great build up and cliff hanger.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedCamille Jackson was rejected since birth over her dark skin complexion. She has grown a tough skin and doesn’t get attached to anyone because of how some people have viewed her without even getting to know her. However Camille opens her heart to a baby in need and for the first six months Camille has grown to love the baby as if she were her own. That is until the baby's biological father comes into the picture.
Hiram Whitfield Jr was brought up in one of the most well known Ku Klux Klan families in the south and as the only son he feels the pressure to carry on his family's tradition. After finishing his prison sentence all Hiram wants to do is change his life for the better and be a good father to his child. If that means being disowned by his bigoted family then so be it. Ironically enough Hiram would have never thought that Camille would be the one to be his rock and strength to do so.
Well you got your work cut out for you on that one.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedThe guy you selected to represent George Hamilton was a stroke of genius, due to the fact that the actual guy is a publically known racist on television. Too funny. Perfect casting!!
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedI do like this story, but on another note... Please humble Camille's family, that momma and those sisters have it coming big time.
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedI have not read the latest chapters for this story, so my suggestions may be off or already done, but I do have an idea of how to bring Camille's family around, if interested, hit me up on my story review Cheung's New Sub... look for my pen name. I think u may like my idea.
Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed
Talia Simmons is an intelligent, bright American law student who travels to Cambridge University in order to attain her international law degree. Used to reading cases of others, she soon becomes her own attorney in a case that no one, not even her closest friends saw coming.
I like this.
thank you!
Reviewer: swirly_girl SignedDisclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
