Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3
This story requires some serious well thought out exposition. I know that kids are abused, but i find it hard to believe that not a single person has noticed this girl has been physically abused for fifteen years?? I get that he's a police officer, but unless they live in a teeny, tiny town there is no way someone wouldn't have said something. He's not even rich. The excuse of him being her only family doesn't fly either seeing as social services would have put in her foster care. There's also no excuse as to why she stays. She's what, seventeen, and she can't run away, get a job, enroll in school somewhere else. Hell, she's saved some money, but she can't get on a bus go to a different district, report his ass, show the bruises, etc?
I like this story, but I don't feel like you've done the necessary ground work to tell it convincingly. I know it's only the third chapter, but there's so much missing within the exposition phase of this story. I could see if she stayed with him out of some kind of psychological issue. If he were like some abusive men: the ones who beat females, apologize, and pretend that it'll never happen again.
I feel bad for the heroine; nevertheless, I don't feel the depth of emotion for her that I normally would for anyone in her situation. This story could use more show and less tell. This could be a really good story, but it needs to be fleshed out more.
Author's Response: I appreciate the feedback that you have given and understand your concerns.
It's more of a "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" sort of thing. If you claim something yet everyone already sees you as a liar or a screw up, it doesn't matter how much evidence you have to prove that what you have to say is true. In Kensington's case, she can't escape the bad gossip that floats around about her nor can she stop how Stan presents himself as an upstanding citizen and her as someone who places no value into her life. Perhaps she's thought to be suicidal and the wounds are self inflicted. Maybe everyone chooses to ignore all the signs and turn the other way because it's "none of their business". Also, most kids do not want to get put into Foster care because it does not gaurantee a better life, if anything things can get worse. When you go through something long enough you become very good at hiding things that you do not wish to be seen. I apologize that my story does not connect with you on an emotional level and that you see this as a hole in my expostion. I will attempt to look into the things you have suggested and see if I would like to taper things in my future posts.
With that being said, I do love the fact that you took the time to read my story and take the time to write a very informative and well thought out review. Thank you. :]
Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: July 28 2013
