I had to read the reviews to 'get' that the hero just went into the house to talk to our girl. That didn't come across so clearly, as THE significant twist of this chapter.
All the same, I like your set up very much, and wonder how you're going to get the wallflower to come out on top, with this bunch of frenemies.
As another reviewer also wrote, she comes across as low self-esteem. I dunno if you have locs, but the women with locs that I know, even if they are thoughtful and introverted have a very high self-esteem and consider themselves attractive outside the social 'norm.'
Maybe Sasha could win a session with a professional loctician, who can help her style her locs more attractively. That would do wonders for her self-esteem. Because I'm not seeing her embrace her femininity and the beauty of locs (Google Chescalocs, to see what I mean). And it's sad that she's not getting that from her 'friends.'
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review! Actually, that was just that readers interpretation of the events. I was not trying to convey that he purposely went into the kitchen to speak to her. Also, I purpposely wrote Sasha to have low self-esteem; I don't think having locs is really indicative of high self-esteem. There may be some correlation but locs may not actually be the cause. I have locs myself, but the primary reason I did get them in high school was in reaction to my having low self-esteem. That's not the case anymore, but I do still get reactions from 'friends' about how they think straight hair is prettier and more feminine.
With Sasha always being surrounded by friends who are considered more beautiful than her, though she may not think she herself is ugly, she does compare herself to them constantly and that causes her to lose faith in her own worth. As the story progresses, I'm hoping to show how she begins to embrace her own feminity. But thanks again for your review and analysis. I always like to hear other's opinions. Please, keep reading! :-)
P.S. I'll be sure to google Chescalocs to see what you mean.
Reviewer: bookbutterfly Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 11:38 am
Much better LoL. Now I'm ready for thirds. Something's still up with Dmitri though.
More soon please!
Author's Response:
Im just editing chapter 3. it should be up by the end of today so be on the look out. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: Nicci Signed
[Report This]Date: June 01 2013 03:32 am
Im hooked update soon
Author's Response:
Will do. Thank you for your review!
Reviewer: alex Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 02:50 am
oh Dmitri is a slick one- smooth too! I like him! I'm assuming he used Teagan as a means to get to Sasha. And then he obviously used the nature-call excuse to get into the house at the exact moment Sasha went into the house. It was classic but effective none-the-less- and damn the was sexy ta boot!
Love how you're writing the male-lead. Beyond the exterior (which is really nice! I must say), he's confident, charismatic, has an air of sophistication and intelligence, somewhat mysterious, and seemingly not the typical eye-candy. I love, love, love when a body of work transcends such imagery without overt direction. Also, he 'sounds' like a man; his cadence in speech isn't hurried or too wordy...it's juust right! lol Dmitri is intriguing, really hoping we're not journeying toward mafia affliations or the sort (a stereotypical assumption in regards to his name).
Looking forward to Sasha's comeuppance for years of being the wallflower amongst her friends; no more living vicariously through others...Sasha's time is now! Great job!!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for your review! I'm happy that you find Dmitri to be such an interesting character. I am finding him to be quite hard to write at the moment as I decide what his motivations are and what type of character he will be in the story. In my head, he is just a very complex person. Also, no worries- I am not creating any sort of mafia story. lol Thanks again!
Reviewer: JV4ME Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 02:13 am
Don't know what to think at this point. Demitri is hot then cold. Sasha has very low self esteem.
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! Their relationship is still at its foundations but it should become a little bit more stable as the story progresses. I wanted Sasha to have low self-esteem because I'm trying to show her character growth as she learns to figure out her 'true' friends and her own worth by not constantly comparing herself. Thanks, again! Please, keep reading!
Reviewer: Trulyme35 Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 02:10 am
Slade is yummilicious!!!
Author's Response:
He is though, right! smh lol
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 12:29 am
It seems that Dimitri remembered the deets on Sasha. I love how he told Sasha his name again but I am surprised that he remeberex her name as he treated her like she was invisible. Sasha and Dimitri just fit he's russian and her name is russian! When is Sasha going to realizs that those heifers are really her friends? Kick those ho's to the curb and live happily ever sfter with your man Dimitri. He will be her man!!
Author's Response:
lol I actually didnt realize both their names were Russian. Maybe it is fate. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 12:24 am
I'm intrigued. They are normally sparks between the main characters & I see none. I'm interested in seeing where this is going.
Author's Response:
I'll be sure to add more sparks in the upcoming chapters! Thank you for your review, Apple!
Reviewer: Apple Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 12:20 am
Well i suppose he did seem more interested in her? He remembered what she did. I'm curious what hes thinking though.
Author's Response:
As the story progresses, I will start writing things from his perspective so you can really get to know his character. Thank you for reading!
Reviewer: PetitteBelle Signed [Report This]Date: June 01 2013 12:18 am
I really like this story!
Author's Response:
I'm really happy to hear that! Thank you for yout review!
Reviewer: Storyteller247 Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 09:45 pm
Nice story. More please.
Nyeesha
Author's Response:
More is coming! I've been writing nonstop for the past couple of days so expect to read more about Sasha and Dmitri! Thank you for your review!
Reviewer: Nyeesha Signed
[Report This]Date: May 31 2013 08:57 pm
I like it so far. Need more sparks! Not likening Her roommate.pleae update soon. Want more sparks!
Author's Response:
No worries, I will definitely update soon. I am constantly thinking about these characters. And I'm still trying to throw in some more sparks! :-) Thank you for your review!
Reviewer: Sharise Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 08:23 pm
Hmm wonder wy Dimtri doesnt have the attitude with Sasha?! Very interesting! Tegan is funny she thinks if a man doesnt want sex with he is gay! To funny and what a bit of a ego! Jaelyn doesnt seem like a very good friend to demanding and full of herself. Sasha should tell Teagan she is attracted to Dimtri! Look forward to more! Thank you
Author's Response:
At the moment, I don't really want Teagan to come off as a bad friend. Just a really self-absorbed one. That may change though...Thank you for reading!
Reviewer: Cali2mt406 Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 08:21 pm
I am definitely interested in seeing where this is going. I think that it has a lot of potential. I do see some things that could pose a problem. I think there needs to be a thought on the character's believeability. (did I just make up a word?) Sasha is supposed to be a wallflower, the unnoticed one. It is a little hard to believe that she would openly ogle her friend's date. I thought it would be something a little more gradual.. Some spark with Dmitri that would bring that out...something he did to trigger than in her.. (just a thought) ...Her friends seem to be more frenemies than anything. Considering she is supposed to be closer to Teagan, I would like to see more personal dialogue in there that alludes to the depth of their friendship itself. I do love the character of Teagan though. I just think that there should be more development in the relations to the characters. It is important that whatever characters you introduce as a part of the main cast somehow contributes to the progression of your plot and the development of your MC.
Like I said, I do want to see where this is growing. I hope that it just doesn't jump from him being with Teagan to being with Sasha..I hope that you are taking time to consider how that is going to develop and break out because remember...most of all whatever happens between Sasha and Dmitri.....Sasha will ultimately be breaking girl code...so I can't wait for the next updates.
(By the way, I hope all of my rambling was taken the right way. I don't want to come off as a know it all. i just mention things that I know I have seen in my own writing. And hope you can use them as reference points for editing. Best of luck!!)
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for your response. No, you are not coming off as a know it all. lol I look forward to reviews like these because they really help me with developing my story. I will take all your advice into account and I hope you continue enjoying the story!
Reviewer: Artamiss Caine Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 08:09 pm
i'm waiting for slade to show up he's a hottie and sasha is just like her friends lusting for this man the only difference is she shy about it truthfully she seems kinds desperate and thats not cute.
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! The actor's name for Slade is Karl Yune in case you were wondering. He is so FINE! lol
Reviewer: kiavicmcp Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 07:56 pm
wonderful update...please update soon
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! I should be able to update tomorrow so be on the look out. :-)
Reviewer: Bredreaway Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 07:42 pm
what spark?!
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! I'll be sure to add a little more 'sparks' in their developing relationship.
Reviewer: readwonderfully Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 07:30 pm
It seems like he is with Teagan, to be closer to Sasha. That is going to be a big ole mess.
Author's Response:
Right now, his motives are really obscure. I'm still trying to understand him at a deeper level even as I write his scenes. Thank you for your review!
Reviewer: bayoumomma Anonymous [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 07:27 pm
I loved your update. I hope Dimitri felt the sparks too when their hands touched. I'm sure he's tired of women throwing themselves at him just on his looks. I hope he's looking for something with more substance. I am sure that he doesn't want to be somebody's "arm trophy".
I can't wati to see how he and Sasha gets together. I know her friends will be jealous. LOL Maybe all of them will give up on Dimitri and assume he's gay since he won't take the free sex that they're offering and will in turn surprise them by courting Sasha.
More please, and soon!
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! I should be able to update tomorrow.
Reviewer: Brenda1257 Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 07:23 pm
There's something not quite right with Dmitri. I'm not sure what it is but Iook forward to more.
Author's Response:
He is quite mysterious isn't he? No worries, the rose-colored glasses should fall off soon as their relationship develops. Thank you for your review!
Reviewer: AP Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 06:39 pm
With friends like these, who needs enemies? Dimitri is most likely used to women throwing themselves at him. Let Sasha be a challenge. Right now he's not paying any attention, but I hope something about her catches his eye and his interest.
I'd love to see her friend's faces when he pursues her instead of them.
Let the games begin!
Author's Response:
Yes, part of what I'm aiming for is development and growth in how Sasha sees her friends. At the moment, because she has no one else and is afraid of being lonely, she clings to them. Thank you for reading and for your review.
Reviewer: Brenda1257 Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 04:41 pm
Wow Sasha so called friends are to much, I see they to think of her as a wallflower and dismiss her as any compation, and whats up with Dmitri's tude!? Poor Sasha. This should be real interesting. More Please
Author's Response:
Thank you for your review! Please, keep reading!
Reviewer: Cali2mt406 Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 03:25 pm
Her friends are awful and it will serve them right when Dimitri falls for her. Damn why is he so rude to Sasha? Why is she still sitting there? Dimitri is a asshole and I hope that he soon redeems himself. Right now I am not feeling him!
Author's Response:
lol. I completely understand your frustrations. I wrote the scene so that readers could really see how detrimental her friends are to her self-esteem and how she allows them to dictate how she feels about herself. You'll be able to see more into Dmitri's motives as the story progresses so please keep reading! Thank you so much for your review!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 01:12 pm
me likey
Author's Response:
I'm happy to hear you are enjoying the story! Thank you!
Reviewer: Chicken Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 10:35 am
Like this chapter.I really feel bad for Sasha....those girls are so vain.Right now I am really not liking Dmitri for the way he dismissed Sasha for her looks.Looking forward for nxt chapter,
Author's Response:
I hope you grow to like him as the story unfolds! :-)
Reviewer: zoe zoey Signed [Report This]Date: May 31 2013 09:35 am