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Title: Stranger

Cant wait to read more and see how the story turns out.



Author's Response: thanks for the reviews!!

 Reviewer: amlaamar Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: October 02 2013 06:26 pm
Title: Stranger

great story, but could you write it in paragraphs and not to mention spaces. instead of just one long ass page,

 Reviewer: lucky Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: October 01 2013 05:24 am
Title: Stranger

Very interesting story.  I can't wait to read more.  And your sex scene was okay good job.

Thank you for sharing.



Author's Response: Thanks, I really was worried about that sex scene.

 Reviewer: Thundakat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 10 2013 06:24 pm
Title: Stranger

Interesting update! Can't wait to see what happens next!

 Reviewer: baha_malo Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 10 2013 02:53 am
Title: Stranger

Very good. Loving the plot. Its got me hooked. Cant wait to read more.

Clever way of writing a sex scene too. Sometimes snippets of it is just as hot and sometimes MORE EROTIC than a fully written sex scene.  The reader's imagination comes into play and that can be very very effective.



Author's Response: thanks, I really was worried about this sex scene, and so I am glad you liked it :)

 Reviewer: amlaamar Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 08:36 am
Title: Stranger

I thought this chapter showed promise. It's a little rough around the edges, and I don't just mean the dialogue. It's missing something, but I can't quite put my finger on what. 

It could have also used a bit more sensory details, taste, smell, touch, etc. 

 

I'm curious about what happens next, so I hope you've plotted this out well because there are some questions that needed answered, not right away but at some point.

 



Author's Response: I understand what you mean, even I felt that way but I couldn't decide why it didn't resonate the way I wanted...and thanks for the advice I will try my best to incoporate your idea about more sensory details. Please keep reviewing and critiquing, I need it :D

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 07:48 am
Title: Stranger

Great job. please update soon

 Reviewer: Laurie Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 09 2013 03:16 am


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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.