I believe with a proofreader this story will be GREAT! I have enjoyed the concept of the story. I understand how easy it is to be put in situations like that when you are trying to do something to help a loved one. I have been there and done that! Please don't stop writing just because of needing a proofreader, you have a gift. Always use the gift God has given you! 

Hmmm...I really don't know what to think about tthis story.

The writing choice, focusing on the female character inner thoughts, is interesting, but it gets tiring 'cause she is rambling, and it gets repetitive and a bit suffocating.

But the main prblem, to me, is that I just can't get past the "rape" scene and the use of this particular theme in the story so far. It is quite upsetting. She said no to him, but he forced himself on her. She clearly stated that she was raped. She even seems to exhbit some symptoms of a rape victim: withdrawn, disgusted with hersefl, self-loathing, etc. But at the same time, the rape scene is romanticized, it turns into somehting that is supposed to be rough sex, her body supposedly "agreed" while her mouth said no? Seriously, what does that mean? Was she raped or not? This needs to be clarified. It is one thing to agree to have sexual intercourse in exchange of money, it is another thing to then say no and being forced to do it. Selling one's body doesn't give anyone the right to rape you. Am I supposed to "root" for a young girl to end up with her rapist?  No, just no. No matter how handsome and rich, and powerful, and dark and mysterious and twisted and "damaged" this guy ends up being, I just can't root for a rapist.