This is good, but I feel like I'm reading in the dark with story. I think I like its direction, but it feels so obscure. Will his thoughts appear?
Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2017 02:30 am
You want reviews, we want updates... plural lol. Very good story, you should cut back on hermonologue of her personal reflections, way too wordy. More dialogue between the two. Now give his personal thoughts of how he became aware of her. Just some suggestions.
Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed [Report This]Date: August 12 2014 09:41 am
He is brutal with his honesty! He doesn't sugar coat anything....he paid for her services and expect to be compensated. WOW, that's hard!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the review, Liam is definately, definately, without a doubt the biggest jackass in the world but at least he is honest LOL
Reviewer: KittyOh48 Signed
[Report This]Date: January 09 2014 09:17 am
He has his nerve. If he had such a dossier on her, he knew how she looked prior to the negotiation/contract. To sit here and call her unpretty because she is not falling in line lusting after him is ridiculous. I would love to see his viewpoint sometimes just to have an understanding of what he is looking for and why. I'm sorry, you got your money's worth, my virginity for $15000, you have been compensated in full especially as I asked you to stop and you didn't. So how long does she have to sleep with him for this contract to be fulfilled? Did I miss the specific contract details?
Author's Response:
He is definately a jackness, and not to worry I didn't write the specific contract details, maybe the coming up chapter or the one after. Thank you for reading and reviewing though, really appreciate it.
FYI, you are kind of funny.
Reviewer: lajack1 Signed [Report This]Date: January 04 2014 02:35 pm
Sometimes making a story "mysterious" ends up turning your readers off (they will lose interest). There was a great story on here with the characters of John and Sienna (I think) but I had to stop reading it...it gave me a headache...trying to figure out who, what, where. I'm sure the author knew what was going on...I don't know if the reader did.
Rape stories, what can I say? Both parties have to have a couple of screws loose when the rapist doesn't know or doesn't care that he is a rapist and the "victim" is attracted to her rapist...after the rape.
BTW, what is Liam going to do? Kill the brother? She already spent the money he gave her and if the money he gave her wasn't going to pay for ALL of her brother's medical needs why did she ALLOW this man to make her a whore. Yes, a whore ($ for sex).
Even if Liam magically falls in love with his mark (that's what she is; this can't be the first time he has done something like this, pick a mark based on the mark's financial needs) she will never have the upper hand. He paid for her body and he then used it. Oh my, just had a thought...my apologies for calling him a rapist. He is a John and he used what he paid for.
Considering Medicaid pays for a whole lot including transplants and even experimental treatment (hubby is a Cardiothoracic Surgeon ), just don't get why she had to pay with her body.
Author's Response:
i understand, I should warn you this story is not for everyone and could get worse, well the interactions between my cars will probably get even worse. I don't really understand much about medicard, but from what I understand it pays only about 80 percent of the bills but not all. Either way, its a fictional story and its not for everyone. Thank you for reading it though and commenting, I will try and work on the mysteriousness of the story
Reviewer: Stories Signed [Report This]Date: January 04 2014 05:40 am
I like your storyto read it again and I am sure there is a point you are getting to, but it seem to be taking the long route. I wish they would talk more...
Author's Response:
Sorry to disappoint, not yet...it will be long but please stay with me on this hopefully not to tedious a journey
Reviewer: Penelope Signed [Report This]Date: January 04 2014 03:01 am
Wow I don't even know what to say. He says she's not pretty but yet he's pursuing her. Something might be loose in his head.
Author's Response:
Yes, you are right on the money! LOL, he is a little cuckoo
Reviewer: SandyBrownEyes Signed [Report This]Date: January 04 2014 02:55 am
Yeah!! welcome back, I hope the new year brings many chapters for this great story.
Author's Response:
thank you, and I will see what I can do! Hopefully it wil impress.
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]Date: January 04 2014 02:28 am
What type of man wants a woman against her will? Why did he want her in the first place if he didn't want a virgin and if her looks leave much to be desired?
I have a feeling that he's toying with her, using her for some purpose. I feel sorry for her because she's trapped in this situation and he's using her love for her brother to get what he wants.
I'm trying not to sour on this story and I can't wait to see where it goes.
Author's Response:
Well...to tell you the truth, I hate him too right now but he will get better...I think, I just go where the story takes me.
Reviewer: Brenda1257 Signed [Report This]Date: January 03 2014 09:46 pm
i like the story, but I agree with the reviewer that said its a touch too mysterious. there's a lot of white space that holds my interest. I think more than anything I like your writing style; however, I hate stories involving rape so I can't say if I'll continue if he is going to keep raping her and she is going to keep allowing it. That's a level of creativity I haven't gotten to yet.
I think you should continue because there is so much possibility to have with this tale as with all proposition stories. Also, would it be possible to get a physical description of the characters it makes it easier to visualize...
Author's Response:
Thank you for reading this and reviewing. I just want to say I understand your concerns, I will try to discribe the two main characters... I'm not good with physical descriptions but I'll give it a try.
Reviewer: SleepEasy Signed [Report This]Date: January 03 2014 09:31 pm
I don't really know what to say. This story is sooo... I'm trying to reserve judgement until I can figure out where you are taking us on this ride.
It is well written. Perhaps a touch too mysterious. There are a lot of issues here: the rape, her inner conflict of wanting Liam physically and prostituting herself. Her lack of self-awareness is not unusual at that age... so there's that. still, I think you cut us off too quickly. Just when I'm getting into it, and doing a bit of unravelling.
What would make this guy think he could buy her like this?
Author's Response:
Is it too mysterious...? Well I will try as I go further not to make everything too complicated. And to answer your question, he is a douche bag, sort of, kind of...he has his reasons for doing what he did. Whether his reasons are valid is questionable, he isn't the normal sort is all I can say.
Thank you either way for commenting
Reviewer: Bookbutterfly Anonymous [Report This]Date: January 03 2014 08:47 pm