I like it. Very mysterious, yet sexy with a lot of danger. I can't wait for more.

Great Job :D

Things that make you go hmmmm?  

I believe with a proofreader this story will be GREAT! I have enjoyed the concept of the story. I understand how easy it is to be put in situations like that when you are trying to do something to help a loved one. I have been there and done that! Please don't stop writing just because of needing a proofreader, you have a gift. Always use the gift God has given you! 

I don't understand why and how people are lost. The story just begun and its settling into its plot or climax. I'd wish y'all would be patient and enjoy the ride!..Anyway to the author, NICE. I love your style of writing. Hurry back with more!!!

Hmmm...I really don't know what to think about tthis story.

The writing choice, focusing on the female character inner thoughts, is interesting, but it gets tiring 'cause she is rambling, and it gets repetitive and a bit suffocating.

But the main prblem, to me, is that I just can't get past the "rape" scene and the use of this particular theme in the story so far. It is quite upsetting. She said no to him, but he forced himself on her. She clearly stated that she was raped. She even seems to exhbit some symptoms of a rape victim: withdrawn, disgusted with hersefl, self-loathing, etc. But at the same time, the rape scene is romanticized, it turns into somehting that is supposed to be rough sex, her body supposedly "agreed" while her mouth said no? Seriously, what does that mean? Was she raped or not? This needs to be clarified. It is one thing to agree to have sexual intercourse in exchange of money, it is another thing to then say no and being forced to do it. Selling one's body doesn't give anyone the right to rape you. Am I supposed to "root" for a young girl to end up with her rapist?  No, just no. No matter how handsome and rich, and powerful, and dark and mysterious and twisted and "damaged" this guy ends up being, I just can't root for a rapist.

This is a good story. I'd happily be an editor if you have not already found one. :]

Poor Ely she has been trumatized and still haven't gotten over the first encounter now only to have at least some hope to be only stanched back into the lions den.

I hope he is much kinder and gentler this time but we can only wait and see.

Thank you for the update and sharing more please.

Interesting update! Loving the mystery! Can't wait to see what happens next!!

Author's Response: thanks for the review, and keep at it LOL

The poor child has allowed herself to be used as human sex toy!   What type of man using the love that the child has for her brother to get sex which is morally bankrupt.  I am disgusted by him and I hope that redeems himself.

great story, but could you write it in paragraphs and not to mention spaces. instead of just one long ass page,

Interesting update! Can't wait to see what happens next!

I thought this chapter showed promise. It's a little rough around the edges, and I don't just mean the dialogue. It's missing something, but I can't quite put my finger on what. 

It could have also used a bit more sensory details, taste, smell, touch, etc. 

I'm curious about what happens next, so I hope you've plotted this out well because there are some questions that needed answered, not right away but at some point.

Please continue!!!!

Author's Response:

As you wish :)