Prologue

Julian walked into the house with his head hung down. He was glad that he was about to go off to college and get out of this hell hole that was home.

His Mom was a sweet woman and often tried to be his advocate, but that only made things worse. He was a disappointment and failure in his father’s eyes, all because he wasn’t like his brothers. Didn’t his father understand that everybody was different?
That day had been an especially hard one. His older brother Justin was the big jock at school and the standout football player. He was six three and weighed almost three hundred pounds. All the girls loved Justin who was the school’s star. His baby brother Joseph, even though he was only a sophomore was also an excellent football player. Both of his brothers had rugged good looks and had dark chestnut brown hair like their father with their mother’s large brown eyes.

Julian looked nothing like his father or his brothers. He was only five feet five inches, with flaming red hair and freckles. Unlike his brothers, he had a small frame. He surmised that he would have been a better horse jockey than a football player. While he enjoyed watching it, he never desired to play the sport and his father was very disappointed.

His father ignored him most of the time and his brothers teased him unmercifully. Their new torment was to find out what girl he liked and then proceed to shower her with attention in order to win her from Julian. It worked every time and then they would brag about their conquest to their brother. Joseph had even shown him a pair of panties he had obtained from one of the girls

Rather than to be continually humiliated, he had stopped trying and had concentrated solely on his school work. His efforts had paid off and he was now scheduled to graduate a year ahead of time which meant that he would be graduating with his brother instead of coming out a year behind him. This angered Justin and caused him to increase his torment by telling everyone that he was “soft” and a “queer”. He was thankful that he was going away to college and would be far away from Knoxville, Tennessee.

His mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner.

“Going to the prom son?” she asked stirring something in a pot

.
“Nah, Ma.” He snapped angrily opening the refrigerator and getting a soda. “Justin and Joseph have ruined any chance of that!”

“Maybe I should talk to them” his mother replied walking over to her middle child.

“No Ma” he snapped at her. “That will only make things worse! They are already calling me a Mama’s boy and a punk! I’m tired of their antics. I’ll be so far away from here in a few months that forgoing the prom is a small sacrifice.”

His mother put her arm around him. “I don’t know why they are so hard on you, Julian. I’m proud of you. Your father is just trying to relive his days at Tenneesee University. As long as I can remember he’d brag that all three of his boys were going to be football players there. I thought he was just joking at first.”

Julian sighed. “I’ve never wanted to play, Ma. He has both Justin and Joseph doing his bidding. Why can’t he just accept me as I am?”

His voice cracked with pain even though he tried to hide it. His mother pulled him in her arms hugging him tightly. She turned his face to her and stared into his blue eyes.

“I’m proud of you, Julian. I love you. You’re so much like me and your brothers are more like your father. You are a proud young man and you have a heart full of love and compassion. Forgive your brothers. I guarantee that one day they are going to need your forgiveness.”

Julian pulled away and quickly wiped the tear that threatened to run from his eyes. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Then promise me that you’ll always love me and won’t just write us all off when you’re gone.” His mother said coming up behind him. “Promise me that you will remember what I said, that your brothers as well as your father are going to one day ask for your forgiveness. Promise me that if I ask you to, that you will come back to me…at least to visit.”

Julian turned back around and looked at his mother and watched the tears fall from her eyes.

“Promise me that you’ll come back to me.” His mother pressed.

Julian sighed and walked into her outstretched arms. He felt her kiss him on the forehead.

“I promise, Ma” he replied solemnly.

((***))

Amaris got off of the school bus and fingered the key that was around her neck.
She had a lot of homework and hoped that she could at least get a spot at the kitchen table to do it.

Her mother most likely was out this time of day and her sisters were probably with their boyfriends so maybe just maybe she would have some peace!

She walked into their apartment and looked around. The coast was clear at the moment. She put her books down and ran up the steps to the bathroom. A noise caught her attention and she recognized the familiar sounds of someone having sex. She looked towards the bedroom that she shared with her sister and realized that she must be having company.

She walked into the bathroom and quickly relieved herself and washed her hands hoping that she could get back downstairs without being detected. She opened the bathroom door and almost ran into Mark, her sister’s latest boyfriend. She blushed and looked away as he was standing outside the bathroom door completely naked

.
“Well, well what do we have here?” Mark said eying her while stroking his manhood, making no effort to cover his nakedness.

Amaris tried not to look, but she couldn’t help herself and stared at him with her mouth hanging open.

“Mark, leave my baby sister alone!” Jaylyn yelled from the bedroom.

Mark stood in front of Amaris blocking her escape down the steps. At fourteen she had seen a lot, but never had she actually seen a naked man so close to her.

He stroked himself and Amaris could see that it began to get bigger as he stroked it and he grinned at he shocked expression. He turned back and yelled at Jaylyn.

“I think your baby sister is about to faint. Aint she ever seen a real man before?”

“Leave her alone, Mark! What are you some kind of pervert or something?”

Mark laughed. “Hell no, she’s way too young and skinny for me, Jay. I like my women with a big ass and titties, like you.”

“C-can I go now?” Amaris asked shaking with embarrassment.

“Ah, I was just teasing.” Mark said moving out of her way.

Amaris ran down the stairs. How could her sister let him put that thing in her? It had to hurt, didn’t it?

She sat at the table and tried to calm her nerves. It seemed that all they did around here was have sex! Her mother had boyfriend after boyfriend. Her sister Seleah had two babies and her own place. Jaylyn was pregnant by Mark and neither of them had even finished high school. Her mother as well as her sisters were content to let the state take care of them, but Amaris had made up her mind that she wasn’t going down that path! Her mentor, Ms. Wilmington had shown her life outside of the projects that she had known all her life and she wanted to see that big world that was out there for the taking!

Ms. Wilmington had a real house with a yard in front and back. She actually had a piano in her house and a room that was just for music. Her house had three bathrooms. Jaylyn said that Ms. Wilmington thought that she was better than they were, but she didn’t treat Amaris that way. Ms. Wilmington traveled and had even taken Amaris on a few day trips. Her mother didn’t really care because that gave her more time with her boyfriends.

She marveled that Ms. Wilmington didn’t have to stretch one check for an entire month where they ate shrimp and crab legs at the first of the month, chicken in the middle of the month and ramien noodles everyday after the twentieth. Ms Wilmington didn’t have to contend with rats and roaches and fights outside your door every weekend or crying babies walking around in only a dirty diaper in the summer and people begging in the winter. Amaris had seen how other people lived and she wanted that life.

Amaris had learned about sex at an early age. Ms. Wilmington was worried that one of her mother’s boyfriends would try to take advantage of her, so she paid for Amaris to take karate lessons. Amaris mother Paula thought that the lessons were offered because she was constantly being picked on at school, and Amaris didn’t tell her anything differently. Truth be told, Paula didn’t play that. She had talked to Amaris extensively about her boyfriends and sex as far back as she could remember

.
“If any of them even looks at your cross-eyed, I’m cutting off his dick!”  Paula declared. “You just tell me baby, and I’ll kick his ass!”

Her mother had been true to her word. Few of her boyfriends were serious lovers who came by on a consistent basis and Paula seemed to like it that way. She said that she liked variety. Besides, if a man was caught living with her, she would lose her housing and Paula wasn’t having that!

So while Amaris became accustomed to the influx of men, she never felt threatened by them. Jaylyn had always told her that they had the power and if they made them feel uncomfortable, all they had to do was express their feelings to their mother and the man was barred from their home. The most shocking thing she had seen was her recent encounter with Mark and his very big…piece. She giggled to herself remembering what it looked like.

She hadn’t shared with Ms. Wilmington about her exposure to all of the things around her. She instinctively knew that she would most likely call child protective services or something. Even though all of that was going on, she liked that her mother talked to her about it and she had never put her man before Amaris when she needed her. She couldn’t say that about a lot of her friends that lived in the projects with her. She felt that she was lucky.

Eighteen year old Jaylyn came downstairs and went straight to the refrigerator.
“Hey did you drink my soda?” she snapped at Amaris who was doing her homework.

“There’s another one in there. I saved this one from yesterday.” Amaris replied.

“Look, Mark didn’t freak you out did he?” Jaylyn asked. “I didn’t know you were in the bathroom. If you want, I’ll tell him we’ll have to do it at his house from now on. I’ll be getting my own place soon anyway. I’m on the waiting list for an apartment and my number is almost up.”

“Not really” Amaris replied. She looked at her sister. “How can you stand to have him put that thing in you? It’s huge!”

Jaylyn chuckled. “Girl, you just wait til you start wanting a man. It won’t seem so strange. It feels good and taste good too!”

“Ugh!” Amaris said frowning up her face. “That’s disgusting!”

“Ah, lil sis. One day it won’t be so disgusting. You’ll want that piece of meat for yourself.”

She patted Amaris on the head. “You’re fourteen and taller than me. You ought to be liking boys by now. I gave up my cherry at fifteen.”

“Ugh, no thanks! I remember you saying how much it hurt!” Amaris replied.

“Yeah, but that’s just the first time.” Jaylyn pointed out. “After that, girl it’s heaven.”
Amaris shook her head again grinning at her sister. “I think I’ll just wait a while to experience that.”

Jaylyn stared at her a moment. “You know, I think that’s nice if you can do it. You may just be the one to escape the projects, kid. But a boy may just come around and turn your head and you’ll forget all about school and college and those high and mighty dreams Ms. Wilmington put in your head.”

Amaris shook her head. “I don’t think so. I plan on getting a scholarship and going to college and no piece of meat that a man has hanging between his legs is going to stop me.”

Jaylyn laughed. “You go girl. I hope so. That way you can break me off a little something, something when you make it big and I’m stuck here with my baby and Mark’s dumb ass!”

Amaris laughed. “I’ll remember that.”

Jaylyn stared at her a moment. “Marri…”

“Hmmm” Amaris asked not looking up from her books.

“You don’t like girls do you?” he sister asked studying her.

“What?” Amaris asked looking up shocked.

“I mean…you don’t seem to like boys…” Jaylyn’s voice trailed off.

“I like boys” Amaris protested. “I just don’t want to have sex. I don’t want to get a baby, Jay. I want to go to college.”

Jaylyn seemed relieved. “Alright, I get it. But one day a man is going to have you so feigning for him that just looking at him will make your panties wet and all the things you think are nasty you’re gonna want to do everyone of them with him. I guarantee it, so be warned.”

Amaris giggled. “You may be right, but that day aint today, Jay.”

“Jay! Where are you? Aren’t you coming back up here? Your mom will be home in an hour!” Mark yelled from upstairs.

“Well, I gotta go.” Jaylyn said wiggling her eyebrows. “duty calls”

“You’re both freaks for sure!” Amaris replied as her sister walked out of the kitchen.

“You’re one too” Jaylyn replied going up the steps. “You just don’t know it yet.”
Amaris shook her head and doubted if her sister’s analysis of her was even close to being true.

((***))

Julian had dreaded coming home from college for Christmas, but he had no choice. His mother had called him and reminded him of his promise. It didn’t matter to anyone but her that he had made the Dean’s list so he didn’t bother telling them anything about his college experience

.
He had been working out at the gym on campus trying to fill out his small frame. It had worked to some degree and he was strong and muscular. He made friends at college and had even dated a little, but he never trusted females. They had always left him before, so he broke it off with them before they could. He knew that it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t put his heart into their fickle hands for it to be torn to shreds as soon as a jock came along and paid them some attention.

He was happy that he arrived home a full day before his brothers who were now both on the football team at Tenneessee. He pretended to be listening as his father bragged about their exploits at the dinner table. He had cut out all of the articles from the newspaper.

“You haven’t asked Julian how he’s doing in school!” Julian’s Mom said when there was a break in the conversation.

“I already know how he’s doing. Brainiac here is on the Dean’s list.” His father replied.
Julian was surprised. “I didn’t think you knew.”

“Your mother told me” he responded.

He then began talking about the interception Justin had gotten in the last game. Julian excused himself from the table and went into his room. He realized that he forgot his phone and got up to return to the kitchen . He was surprised that his mother and father were in a heated argument.

“Really Stanley! You could at least act like you care about Julian! You should be proud to have a son that’s on the Dean’s list!” his mother angry voice reached Julian in the hallway.

“Is he really my son?” his father countered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” his mother replied

.
Julian stopped dead in his tracks and stood in the hall listening.

“What I mean is, Julian looks nothing like me. There are no red heads in my family nor yours either for that matter. I know that Michael Rivers down the street has two daughters that are red heads and he’s constantly flirting with you, Jean!”

“You’re crazy!” his mother snapped back. “Julian is your child! Is that why you treat him differently?”

“I just want to know the truth!” his father replied.

Julian couldn’t listen anymore and turned and ran back in his room and shut the door. Now he knew why his father treated him differently. Now he knew why his brothers bullied him so much. His mother had been accused of cheating. He found it hard to believe that she would do such a thing, but it was enough that his father believed it. Julian knew from that moment that he would limit his return visits back home.

((***))

Amaris grinned proudly as she accepted her diploma. She had graduated at the top of her class and was the Valedictorian. She glanced out at the audience and spotted her mother with Kevin her latest boyfriend as well as her two sisters who each had their two children with them.

Ms. Wilmington hugged her when the program was over.

“I’m so proud of you, Amaris!” she gushed happily. “You’re going to Howard University on a full scholarship. Washington DC is a mighty busy place.”

“I knew that MY baby could do it!” Paula responded eying Frances Wilmington. “ She’s smart as a whip!”

Frances Wilmington agreed. She heard the pride in Paula’s voice. She just couldn’t figure out why the woman allowed so many men around her daughter! The other two already had two babies apiece. Why didn’t the woman get a clue? She didn’t voice her disapproval to Amaris. She was very protective of her mother and didn’t want to hear any criticism.

“You’re going to have to get some things for school” Mrs. Wilmington was saying. “I’ll be glad to help you with it.”

“Well I have some money from babysitting.” Amaris replied. “Plus I saved the money Mama gave me.”

“That’s right” Paula replied. “Her daddy sends me some money every now and then and I gave it all to my baby for school.”

“Really Paula” Frances replied. “Why isn’t he here to see his daughter graduate? You should have insisted on it.”

“Well if you knew anything at all, you’d know that he’s half way around the world in Africa somewhere. He’s from Tanzania. He was an exchange student. That’s why my baby is so tall like her daddy and she has his beautiful dark complexion!”Paul replied kissing Amaris on the cheek.

Frances didn’t argue with Paula. Amaris was a beauty. She could be a model with those long legs of hers, but Amaris wasn’t interested in that.

Even though she didn’t agree with Paula’s lifestyle, Amaris didn’t seem to be affected that much by it which surprised her.

“Let’s go out to Hometown Buffet to celebrate!” Paula replied.

Frances shook her head. “I was thinking more along the line of The Steak House.” Frances replied.

“That place is expensive” Paula complained. “I can’t afford that!”

“It’s on me” Frances said. “After all, it is Amaris big day, and I know she loves steak.”

Paula started to beg off, but caught Amaris giving her a pleading look. She had promised her daughter that she would not fight with Frances, and she was going to keep her word.

“Alright then” she replied smiling at Amaris. “Lead the way.”

((***))

“Julian, you need to come home” his Mom was crying on the phone and Julian wondered what was going on.

“I can’t Mom. We have midterms coming up!” Julian replied. Going home was the last thing he wanted to do. He was glad that he had a good reason to beg off.

“Jules, your father is ill. His kidneys are failing. The doctor wants everyone to test for compatibility. Otherwise he has to go on dialysis and be put on a waiting list.”

Julian was surprised. “What about Justin and Joseph?”

“They’ve already tested and they are not a good match son. Please come home!”

“Why should I?” Julian replied. “After all, I’m not his son anyway".

“Who told you that?” his mother hissed. “Did your father say that?”

“No, I overheard you two arguing last year. Now I know why he hates me!”

“He doesn’t hate you, Julian.” His mother sniffed. “You are his son. I don’t know why he said those things. Please come home. Do you want him to die and have that on your conscience if there was a chance you could help him?”

Julian groaned. “Alright Ma. I’ll be home the weekend."

One Month Later

Julian walked into his father’s room and stared down at him. His father opened his eyes.

“I just want you to know that the results came back.” Julian said trying to keep his voice even.

“And?” his father responded looking at him.

“I’m a perfect match, Dad. I also had them do a DNA test just in case you still had some doubts. 99.9 percent. You are the father” he said angrily, his voice mimicking the Maury Show.

His father sighed. “I guess you’re not going to give me one of your kidneys, are you?”
Julian stared at him and looked up at his brothers who were sitting on the opposite side of the bed unable to meet his gaze.

“You’ll get my kidney!” Julian replied. “But after this is all over with, I’m done with the three of you. If I choose to come home, it’ll be to see Ma. I’ll have to miss an entire semester for this surgery and I won’t be able to graduate on time, but it’ll be worth it to get you three out of my life.”

“C’mon son, don’t act like that.” Stanley Arrington said. “I know I was wrong, please accept my apology-

“Fuck your apology!”

“Son-“

“Don’t call me that!” Julian snapped. “I have no brothers and I have no father. As far as I’m concerned, I’m an only child.”

He heard his mother gasp behind him and he turned around.
“Julian! Don’t say that” she cried.

He looked at his mother. “Ma, I love you. I really do. But I’m done here.”

He took one last glance at his father and walked out the room.